Uncovering Passion by Overcoming Pain

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There are some people that make their
work just another thing they have to do,

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and there are those that make their
work something that they want to do.

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Welcome to Working on Purpose with your
host Elise Cortes. In our program,

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we provide guidance and inspiration from those
people who have found deeper meaning and

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personal connection to their work life.
It's beyond nine to five. It's working

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on Purpose. Now Here is your
host, Elise Cortes. Welcome back to

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the Working on Purpose Show. Thanks
for tuning in again this week. I'm

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your host, Elise Cortes, joining
you live from Dallas, Texas, which

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is home base for me. If
I've been tuning in for a while,

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you know this program is all about
helping people create more meaningful and productive personal

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and work lives and equipping leaders,
insight organizations to cultivate meaning and purpose that

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elicits passion inspired contribution, innovation,
and persevering performance. I talk with my

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guests to draw on their expertise and
then share my own experience consulting, speaking

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and developing workforces across the globe.
Every week in these conversations, it is

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my intention that you walk away with
something you can immediately apply in your personal

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and work lives. So I invite
you to listen in from that vantage point,

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and it is my fervent hope that
you come alive with the possibility of

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living with passion, working on purpose, and are inspired to discover for yourself

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just how big and fulfilling your life, work and leadership can be. And

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if you do catch fire from anything
you hear, reach out and tell me

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about it. You can email me
at a lease at leastcore tes dot com

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or use the contact me feature on
my website at least Coortes dot com to

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message me. And when you do
reach out, tell me how I can

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help. Do you want to join
a distribution list to staying forward with these

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topics? Do you want to learn
about joining a catch fire online inspiration,

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accountability or mastermind community? Or do
you want information on my purpose driven leadership

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programs for individuals or companies. Happy
to help anyway that I can any event,

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I'm glad we're connected and thank you
for listening. It's great to have

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you with us. Back to the
program with us this week. Rachel Quizzold.

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She is an international trauma specialist and
fully qualified Reiki master. Her passion

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is to assist with spiritual wellbeing and
the pressures of every day in corporate life.

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Her specialty is helping people recover rapidly
from pain, trauma, illness and

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master their psyche so they can live
a healthy, happier life. She knows

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it today from Sydney, austral Ya
via Skype, Rachel, welcome to Working

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on Purpose. Hey, thank you
for having me, Elise. I really

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appreciate it. So it's so great, you know, I so really appreciate

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the interconnectivity of the world. One
of the great things of getting to host

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this show, Rachel, is that
I get to enjoy global listeners and guests

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like you and so listeners. For
me, it's five pm on Tuesday,

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January fifteenth, and for Rachel it's
Wednesday, January sixteenth. I think at

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ten a m. It's just incredible. So and I want to also give

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a shout out to our common friend
David Perks, who was a previous guest

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and someone I got to meet when
I went through your beautiful Sydney, your

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city this earlier this year and got
to see and be shown around. He

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was a guest earlier on and he
reached out and connected us. And when

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he said that you were up to
waking up people to their fire and passion.

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I thought, m M, good
fit, God, it makes sense,

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David bring her on. So thank
you, David. Yes, thank

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you. David. Really appreciate it. Well, So you are. I

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have the privilege of looking at you
and video and you're vibrant and beautiful and

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it's just amazing to me that what
you're up to in the world. So

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I want to get starting with sorry
from your vantage point of what it is

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that you see going out in the
world that has you so convinced that you

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need to do the work that you're
doing. Sure, for me, I

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guess it's you know, jump on
any train or bus when people are commuting

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to work, like it's really people
are almost in a zombie like state where

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they're not they're just existing. They're
not truly living their life. And you

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know, I see this, and
I see people that are just closed off

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to life and living life. I'm
through limitations, and it just it hurts

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me to see people living that way. And yeah, for me, it's

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some Yeah, it's and I love
to help people shake their lives up.

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Mm hmm. We have that in
common, Rachel. I really get that.

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I referred to those people as the
walking dead, as I think we

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talked about that right. Unfortunately,
there's a sea of them out there.

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I've been one of them myself,
so I'm not running everybody down. I've

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been there myself, and I know
how atrocious it is to waste our one

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precious life in that kind of a
state. So I appreciate very much the

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work that you're doing. And just
as a very very quick aside, Rachel,

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I think I told you this fe
email. I'm not sure, but

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let's see, now, twelve days
ago my mother passed and I was there.

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I got to be with her,
and there's something about that experience,

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and it was a beautiful and enriching
experience. And we got to Sarah goodbyees

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and she was ready, So all
that was in order. But you really

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understand how quickly life is snuffed out. And we don't know when our expiration

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data is. We don't know,
so every day is a gift, and

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so all the more reason that I
appreciate what you're up to. Now,

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before we say more about that,
I do want to, I like,

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I like a little context. So
what were you doing professionally before you got

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into this kind of work? Sure, so like we were just thinking about

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I was in the corporate well,
so I was, you know, started

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as a team administrator, my way
up to a personal assistant and then into

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an executive assistant. So I was
working for you know, the big flying

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companies like Deloitte, Price water House, Price, Waterhouse Coopers, Nevadas.

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So I was very much in the
corporate world. And it's interesting because of

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all my careers, they've all been
in support. So I've always been of

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service to people. But yeah,
it's been interesting. In the last kind

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of a memory actually popped up on
Facebook from ten years ago saying, oh,

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you know, I'm lost as to
what to do. So it's interesting

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to that pop up today when I
started to question my life and where I

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wanted to be. So, yeah, being in the in the corporate world.

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Whilst I loved the support of nature, yeah, I just found it

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to be very draining on my soul. I think perhaps because I just wasn't

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doing what I was meant to be
doing. Thus why you know why I

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felt drained Because it wasn't truly aligned
with what I was meant to do.

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I totally get that, Rachel,
I really really get that. Now I

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have to wonder and listeners out there
who are maybe going, yeah, I

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felt that way too, or I
feel that way now, and how do

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I get out of it? Did
something happen to find a catapult you out?

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Ah? Yeah, So I was
working in an environment that was very

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toxic. It was just you know, we're in a small office. It

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was there's three there was five of
us in the office, and yeah,

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I just walk in. It was
just really really tolling on my soul.

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And it's interesting it took me like
five times to quit my resignation in five

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times, so this was like always
two years ago, I think it was.

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And yeah, it was just like
having that courage to say no,

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enough is enough, like I want
I want more. My soul is yearning

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for more. So yeah, I
think that was interesting to reflect on that

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question, that that was the catalyst
that is so important, Rachel, You

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and I have some similar paths,
and that just to the point of yes,

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I want more. And when we
think about this one precious life.

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When I made some decisions that I
made, especially professionally, I was like,

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I'm not living the life that I
really want for myself with if I

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get to the end and people are
at my ceremony or my service. This

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is not going to cut it where
we are today. I don't want this.

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There's gonna be a different, different
story written here. So but I

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also really applied what it takes to
you know, five attempts to quit.

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I really get that. And congratulations
and krudives, thank you, thank you.

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Well, So you've laid a big
shift here, Rachel. You're you're

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a trauma specialist, and we're talking
more about what that means and what you're

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doing. But what did what did
you do to prepare yourself for this work?

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Uh? I went to UNI,
a university called Life and the experiences

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of my teacher. So yeah,
I myself went through trauma like I you

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know, experienced abuse in all different
forms. And yeah, so again my

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life experience that was my biggest teacher, I think. And then the so

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I did a whole variety of alternative
therapy training. So that was almost fun

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years ago, about March or April, five years ago, when I did

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like reiki, which is energetic healing. I did neuralist neurolinguistic programming say that

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quickly, which is just you know, changing the way like the wiring of

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your brain, hypnosis, EF t
which is emotional freedom technique, which is

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tapping, so you tap on different
meridium points over the body, which sends

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vibration through your body and kind of
clears any any blockages that you've got with

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in your body, as well as
past life regression and a bit of shamanism.

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Like I haven't been trained in shamanism, but a couple of years ago

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I did something called cambo, which
is frog medicine, which is so they

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place the medicine on you when you
purge, and since receiving the medicine,

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when I'm working on my clients,
sometimes shamanism moves through, so I'm like,

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okay, I really just trust that
whatever is moving through me is what

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my client needs. And yeah,
it's all based very intuitively how I work.

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We had a guest on a few
months ago who talked about just the

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incredible genius of intuition. So interesting
that you're bringing that up, and she

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was really really impressive. She'd written
a recent book about it, and that's

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so she does a lot of her
work around the world in training and consulting

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and coaching, so really fascinating area
that I want to learn more about.

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And the shamanism is also something I'm
interested in. And to that end,

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I'm also curious about your own journey. I myself have journeyed in my own

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career over the last twenty years.
But I know that you started your work

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and energy work like you were talking
to talking about, and now you've really

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moved more into that intuitive guidance.
So say more about the intuitive guidance piece.

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What does that look like? Sure? So it's pretty cool. Like

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so when I'm working with my clients, I can really feel it's almost like

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I've become them. Like I can
feel the heaviness or the lightness, or

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I can feel what's going on in
their energy field. So as they're talking,

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if it's feeling heavy to me,
we kind of and you know,

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sometimes they're going into their story and
it's just like I just I don't know

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how to explain it, but it
just I just intuitive intuitively feel and know

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what to say or how to guide
them to kind of move them through the

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heaviness or the blockage that they're feeling. So yeah, like I haven't been

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trained in coaching, Like as I
said, my experiences in life and my

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own experiences and for me, like
I just I see where the client is

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and I guide them with their own
wisdom, with their own their own truth,

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and I just bought them to move
through like the blockage of what they're

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feeling in that moment of time.
What a gift to be to be led

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along like that. I could say
more about what I'm hearing in relation to

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my mother's passing, but I'll save
that maybe for a little bit later,

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but I want to make sure we
have enough time to really pull out your

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genius and your experience and into that
end. One of the things that we

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talked about is that you you want
to help people step out of their comfort

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zone, to move past fear and
see what's on the other side. And

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that's kind of what I think you're
starting to hint at here is you know,

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there's almost like has to be a
trust with the two of you that

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you know when you do theoret or
you know at you know, take their

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hand, that that they trust that
you're you're gonna you're going to get there.

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So I want to get to that
place. That comfort zone is really

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important to me. But how did
you arrive at this urgency? Sure,

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I guess again through my own experience. So I started traveling the world in

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twenty ten, so nine years ago
well, and through my own experience of

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pushing my own limitations and my own
boundaries, like I know firsthand that life

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is on the other side, and
I know how beautiful and magical it can

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be when you really have that courage
to move through that fear. And you

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know, I understand from firsthand just
how debilitating fear can be. It can

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crash your whole life. And I
also know when you have the courage to

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step up and move through it,
it's just a moment of discomfort. An

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interesting kind of analogy that I can
share with you is like when you're going

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into a freezing cold water. You
can go in inch and take half an

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hour, You're going to freeze your
butt off for half an hour, whereas

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if you dive in, you're going
to freeze for like thirty seconds a minute

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and then you're like, ah,
this is beautiful. So that kind of

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same perspective, if you can implement
implement that into your life of just jumping

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in, like obviously not recklessly,
I feel it's just following that truth of

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how you how you actually feel and
moving with that versus like allowing that fear

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to freeze you life. Just opens
up doors that you know were for with

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having geesy like that. It creates
walls, sorry, it creates walls.

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It creates doors where there one's wall
where there was once walls. So yeah,

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it's just having that courage to really
just move through those boundaries. So

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to that end, Rachel, I'll
share with you as I have in another

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conversation that I had on air when
I was in your beautiful city of Sydney

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in June. My coach Sean Anderson, who is a rock star, loved

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this man. He told me said, at least I know you're afraid of

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heights, you got to climb the
bridge. So I did, and it

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was you know, that's not an
enormous challenge at all. But for me,

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I am really quite afraid of heights, and my experience of facing that

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fear and coming through the other side
is I felt bigger when I came through

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the other side. I felt more
confident, I felt more capable and competent.

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So I felt like it built me
as well. And to your point,

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it gave me access to something beyond
my immediate understanding and knowledge of what

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I could do, what I could
be that I can't necessarily feel touch understand,

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but understood it was now a bigger
spear for myself exactly. Yeah,

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you just become more empowered and you
like for me, it just makes me

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want to just keep my limitations and
keep pushing my boundaries. Yeah, that

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feeling when you move past it,
it's priceless. Well, we're going to

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talk more about that, but let's
grab our first break. Rachel. I'm

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your host, Alise Cortez. We've
been on the air with Rachel Klisold.

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She is an international trauma specialist and
fully qualified Reiki master. She noted today

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from Sydney, Australia. We've been
talking a bit about how it was that

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she got into the work that she's
doing, why is important to her.

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After the break, we're going to
talk about how she goes about treating trauma.

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Stay with us, we'll be right
back. Alice Cortez is a speaker

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and engagement and development catalyst. She
designs and delivers professional development, leadership and

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engagement workshops and can bring her expertise
to your organization. She will help ignite

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meaningful development within your workforce that will
increase employee engagement, performance and retention to

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learn more or to invite Elise to
speak to your organization. Please visit her

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at www dot Elisecortes dot com.
She would welcome the opportunity to help get

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your employees working on purpose. This
is working on Purpose with Elise Cortes.

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To reach our program today, send
an email to a lease Alise at Aleasecortes

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dot com. Now back to working
on purpose. Thanks for staying with us,

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and welcome back to working on purpose. If you're just tuning in.

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My guest is Rachel Quizzoled. She's
an international trauma specialist and fully qualified reikimaster

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is to assist with spiritual wellbeing and
the pressures of every day in corporate life.

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Her specialty is helping people recover rapidly
from pain, trauma, illness,

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and master their psyche so they can
live a healthy, happier life. I'm

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your host Elist Cortes. All right, Rachel, So we were talking about

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just how it is that you managed
to make the fantastic leap that you did

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from the corporate world into doing work
that's much more aligned with your purpose and

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who you are. It maybe is
your purpose. I want to talk about

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the work that you do treating trauma, and before we get into that,

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I first want to understand how do
people find you to help have you help

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them deal with their pain and trauma? How is it that you find your

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clients? How they find you?
Yeah, I think, yeah, that's

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the thing. They find me when
they're ready. So I do have a

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website which is just my name,
Rachel clossol dot com. So it's r

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A c h E l c l
I ssra o ld dot com. Also,

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I got some work on meet up, so you can find me on

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meetup, YouTube, Facebook, and
Instagram. But I guess we could possibly

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share that in a link somewhere.
I don't know if we can do a

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link, but that's okay. People
are listening that they take notes when we

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talk like this, so that's great, Okay. Well, I was just

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curious just how it is, you
know, when I think about For me,

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it's amazing to me just when I'm
out and about and I go to

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events, like when we get done
with the show, I'm going to go

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to another event, and I mean
just talking to people and just hearing about

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what's going on in their world for
me is an often oftentimes a way that

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I find new clients. And I
can imagine for you, I mean pain,

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suffering, trauma is unfortunately everywhere,
so I got to believe you run

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into it all the time. I
do, indeed, Yeah, And I

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mean just touching on that as well. Like there with pain, you know,

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pain is just a signal that we're
growing. Suffering is optional, which

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I think is where people myself included, get lost. So it's like,

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you know, we don't need to
buy in to the pain, like it's

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I think often people get overwhelmed with
the energy of the pain and the trauma,

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and it's just like if we take
a step back from it, then

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the suffering doesn't need to happen.
Yeah. So, oh, I just

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was I just have to say I
wrote that down pain as a signal we're

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growing. That is brilliant, Rachel, that is so brilliant. I'm gonna

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definitely share that when I share our
show. That is just oh love that.

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Well. Next, I want to
ask you, I mean, your

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field is very unique. I don't
know anything at all about your space.

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This is all brand new for me. So how and why does pain present

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itself in the patience you deal with? Sure, so when things happen in

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our lives, like it doesn't necessararily
have to be a big trauma. It

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can be, you know, an
event that occurs in your life, and

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if we don't really truly deal with
it in the moment, then it's doors

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in our body, its stores in
our energetic field. And that might sound

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a bit we went out there for
some people, and I get that,

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Like it's taken me kind of years
to really understand it in my own work,

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So you know, I know how
it can be a bit of a

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shock, but what I do is
very grounded. And so if yeah,

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if an event happens, like say, for example, your mother passing,

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like if you're not dealing with it
and taking the time to grieve and feel

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the emotions what are coming up,
Like if you're suppressing what you're feeling,

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then it manifests as pain or symptoms
in the body. So it's just your

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body's way of expressing itself out of
you because you can't do it yourself.

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So the body is like screaming at
you, saying pay attention to you know,

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for example, like different parts of
the body mean different things, like

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the right side is the masculine and
moving forward in the future, whereas the

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left side is the feminine in the
past. So yeah, it's interesting when

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different symptoms pop in the body,
just the different meanings of each thing's so

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yeah, it's just really just taking
the time to deal with things as they

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come up and allow yourself to express
them. Just like a child, you

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know, if they bump, they
need, they cry, they scream,

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and then they get over it and
move on, whereas adults we don't.

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We hold in the cry, we
hold in the scream, and then it

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stores in the body. So I
think we're going to build on this with

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my next question because I'm really really
interested in, Oh gosh, this whole

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notion of pain. I love that
pain is that we're growing. I do

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work with a lot of people who
are obviously in various stages of some kind

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of pain, not trauma per se, but some kind of pain because it

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is related to growth. But what
is it about pain and trauma that so

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limits people to living full and robust
lives. I think it's I guess I'm

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speaking from my own experience that you're
not really aware of it. You're not.

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I'll just speak as if I'm talking
from my experience. You're just so

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unconscious that of the experience in the
past is just limiting you in this moment

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because you haven't truly dealt with it. So it just keeps the pattern,

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keeps repeating itself over and over and
over until you truly deal with it.

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And then once you've dealt with it, it might happen again, but you

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don't respond or react in the same
way. So it's just yeah, until

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we take the time to deal with
it, it's just going to repeat the

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pattern. H I can see that, and it manifests from me ratual,

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and then I do. I will
do things over and over again, expecting

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a different result. And of course
we know that that's the definition of insanity.

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But I so what I'm hearing you
say is that you're helping people to

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create new new ways forward, new
channels almost, if you will exactly.

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Yes, okay, so I'm very
very curious to hear. How do you

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work with people to help them overcome
their pain? What is it that you're

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doing with them? Sure? So
again it's very intuitive. So, you

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know we were with my sessions.
I don't plan them, so I just

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allow the person to show up as
they are and we kind of you know,

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I just start we just start talking
and then as we're talking, it

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just it unfolds itself and I see
where the issue is. And it's basically

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just enabling them to step out of
their situation and see it from a different

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perspective, from their perspective of their
truth. So you know, there might

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be something that's a situation that's happening
in their life that they're unclear of,

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so I help them get clear by
addressing the blockage. Like there's a really

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cool process that I do where we
can speak to like if there's a symptom

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in their body, or if there's
a blockage in their body. So if

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they've got an illness, so to
speak, we can speak directly to it,

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so we find out why it's there, what they need to do specifically

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to overcome it. So it's almost
like going to a spiritual doctor. You

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know, you go to a doctor
and they write your script for whatever you

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need. This is very tailored to
what they specifically need to do. So

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it could be wake up at sunrise, don't eat bananas, eat this,

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don't eat that, exercise at this
time of the day, meditate right,

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So it's very to what they specifically
need to overcome whatever it is that they

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are dealing with. And then the
final process is to like energetically clear it

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out of the body. So with
those processes, like it instantly kind of

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leaves their body, and then it
leaves their energetic field and then so it's

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like it's hitting that reset button.
So then they've got a clear slate to

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move forward into life from. I
can imagine if when people encounter you then

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and you do the work that you
do, if they've been struggling with this

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for a while, it may be
kind of shocking to come out of a

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session with you. So how do
people feel when they leave a session with

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you? I'm sure it varies all
over the place, but generally it varies.

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Yeah, I'm having a flashback to
one client. It was hilarious.

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It was total dismantlement, Like I
said something to him and it just sent

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this ripple. It was almost like
putting a bomb under his chair. It

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just blew his whole world up.
That was really cool. I don't want

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to scare people off. That was
one reaction, but yeah, generally,

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nine times out of ten, they
kind of leave feeling very clear, very

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calm, grounded, and connected and
just yeah clear, so they can move

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forward, which is pretty cool to
see that happen. Like I can feel

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the moment the shift happens from that
heaviness where they let it go and it's

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almost like they can see for the
first time. I can't even imagine what

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it most feel like to get to
do that kind of work, Rachel.

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I feel so grateful and getting to
do the work that I do when I

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get to help people, when they
let me into their lives in a very

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intimate way, and I get present
to their deepest story because hopes and desires

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for their for their lives and what
they're afraid of and what they want fervently,

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and then something happens where it opens
and they see that possibly for themselves.

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It is the most magnificent, fulfilling
feeling, feeling that I can imagine

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what's it like for you to do
the work that you do. It's honestly,

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I have no words to watch people
literally blossom and shift and transform in

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front of my eyes. That is
That's why I do what I do.

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I love when I feel it and
I see it. It just yeah,

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I have no words for that.
It's it's an honor, it's it's a

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real privilege to be able to hold
the space for someone to shift into into

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life. Really mm hmmm. I
like to talk about this, Rachel,

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because for some listeners, you know, this is a very very foreign idea

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about being able to experience work on
this level. You know, in my

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own research, I researched how people
experience meaning and work for fifteen years and

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across all dimo kinds of professions and
so far have found fifteen modes of engagement.

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And they do settle around you know, the depth of meaning and the

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extent to which the work and the
person are related, whether they're inseparable or

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whether it's being expressed or there's a
disconnect, whatever it might be. But

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for many people, this notion of
getting to work from purpose and from deep

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meaning is something that they very much
like to have but haven't yet encountered yet.

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So I love to be able to
let my guests talk about what that

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experience is like, because it opens
something for them, or at least a

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possibility for them. Sure, so
sorry speaking about my purpose. Yeah,

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just no, you did great.
What you're staring before is just great.

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If you want to talk about your
purpose, great. I just wanted to

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presence that the work that you're doing, the level of the depth of meaning

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that you get to experience is something
that many people aspire for but haven't yet

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encountered. Ah, yes, yeah, it's for me, Like it wasn't

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easy, but I think when you've
got support and people backing along the way,

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it just makes it so much easier. It could turn a year long

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process into a moment process. Yeah. Well, so I think you,

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00:30:33.400 --> 00:30:38.200
like me, I do individual coaching
with executives and professionals, but I also

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do programs, and I'm interested.
I think you, like me, have

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created some of your own offerings,
and so I'm interested in what programs do

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you have planned for twenty nineteen.
What's on your docket? Sure? So

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I have some pretty exciting things coming
up in February in Sydney, Australia.

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So hopefully this might encourage some people
to jump on a plane from America.

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I love too, please do.
So. It's going to be in a

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very special location in Sydney, on
an island called Dangar Island. It's got

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three hundred residents and no cars,
and it's just it's going to be a

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very special day. We're gonna have
like a gong sound healing and just a

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place where they can really enter stillness
and just have that space to really connect

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in with themselves and you know,
let go of anything that's potentially holding them

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back from the past years so that
they can just reset and ground into themselves.

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See that's one of the days.
And I've also got collaborated with a

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dear friend of mine and we've created
an amazing, amazing eight week online program

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00:31:57.519 --> 00:32:02.640
And funny enough, she's actually in
a Marrior, she's in Sacramento, so

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we've you know, we've created the
program with Alchemy in mind of the merging

403
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of our two skills. So you
know, I'm helping people to clear the

404
00:32:13.160 --> 00:32:20.319
blockages of past trauma and Lear is
a certified relationship transition and life coach,

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So we're emerging out two passions together
and our mission is for people to live

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authentically and open themselves to healthy relationships. So that's that's really excited, exciting

407
00:32:30.880 --> 00:32:35.680
to do that with her, And
yeah, just looking to open up to

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00:32:36.519 --> 00:32:40.440
facilitate retreats around the world with Lear
and myself as well. So let me

409
00:32:40.519 --> 00:32:45.279
jump on that bandwig And that sounds
amazing, and let me just applaud you.

410
00:32:45.519 --> 00:32:47.079
How fun is that I'm doing something
similar. If reach out to a

411
00:32:47.119 --> 00:32:51.279
guest or two that I've really connected
with and some of my friends too.

412
00:32:51.920 --> 00:32:55.039
And that's the beauty of doing what
we're doing really as a sort of you

413
00:32:55.119 --> 00:33:00.400
know, on our own, if
you will, marching to our own beat

414
00:33:00.440 --> 00:33:04.119
in our purpose. It's amazing to
be able to create something with someone you

415
00:33:04.200 --> 00:33:07.279
really care about, to make something
that you couldn't create on your own.

416
00:33:07.079 --> 00:33:12.759
Oh it was. It was such
a joyful process creating this with Leah.

417
00:33:12.880 --> 00:33:16.640
Like if I'm I don't really enjoy
creating on my own, I love it

418
00:33:16.680 --> 00:33:22.119
when I can work with someone that's
aligned with me. And it was just

419
00:33:22.240 --> 00:33:24.319
amazing to watch it unfold, like
we got out of the way and it

420
00:33:24.359 --> 00:33:30.119
took, you know, maybe fifteen
hours to it creates this program because it

421
00:33:30.160 --> 00:33:34.359
was just that it was ready to
come out and through us. So we're

422
00:33:34.359 --> 00:33:40.519
both very excited to be able to
help women, you know, overcome pain

423
00:33:40.599 --> 00:33:46.319
and trauma from the past and just
really delve deeply and to help them recognize

424
00:33:46.359 --> 00:33:53.079
blockages and release blockages and red flags. So very very excited. Oh that's

425
00:33:53.160 --> 00:33:55.240
great. Well, I want to
hear more about that, but let's grab

426
00:33:55.319 --> 00:33:59.359
our last break here. I'm Elise
Cortez, your host. We've been in

427
00:33:59.400 --> 00:34:04.319
the year with Reachcluse Old She's an
international trauma specialist and fully qualified Reiki master.

428
00:34:04.720 --> 00:34:07.960
She joined it today from Sydney,
Australia. After the break, we're

429
00:34:07.000 --> 00:34:12.920
going to talk about more of those
relationships and specifically toxic relationships, how they

430
00:34:12.920 --> 00:34:15.760
affect us and what we can do
about them. Stay with us, we'll

431
00:34:15.760 --> 00:34:39.280
be right back. Alis Cortez is
a speaker and engagement and development catalyst.

432
00:34:39.480 --> 00:34:45.920
She designs and delivers professional development,
leadership and engagement workshops and can bring her

433
00:34:45.960 --> 00:34:51.039
expertise to your organization. She will
help ignite meaningful development within your workforce that

434
00:34:51.079 --> 00:34:55.079
will increase employee engagement, performance and
retention. To learn more or to invite

435
00:34:55.079 --> 00:35:00.760
Elise to speak to your organization,
please visit her at www dot Elisecortes dot

436
00:35:00.800 --> 00:35:06.760
com. She would welcome the opportunity
to help get your employees working on purpose.

437
00:35:12.280 --> 00:35:16.280
This is working on Purpose with Elise
Cortes. To reach our program today,

438
00:35:16.519 --> 00:35:22.119
send an email to a lease A
l S at Aleasecortes dot com.

439
00:35:22.199 --> 00:35:34.800
Now back to working on Purpose.
Thanks for staying with us, and welcome

440
00:35:34.840 --> 00:35:37.519
back to working on Purpose. If
you're just tuning in, my guest is

441
00:35:37.599 --> 00:35:42.079
Rachel Clizzoled. She's an international trauma
specialist. And fully qualified Reikimaster. Her

442
00:35:42.119 --> 00:35:45.400
passion is to assist with spiritual wellbeing
and the pressures of everyday in corporate life.

443
00:35:45.559 --> 00:35:50.360
Her specialty is helping people recover rapidly
from pain, trauma, illness,

444
00:35:50.400 --> 00:35:53.079
and master their psyche so they can
live healthy, happier lives. I'm your

445
00:35:53.079 --> 00:35:57.599
host, Alise Cortes. All right, Rachel, for this last bit on

446
00:35:57.639 --> 00:36:00.920
our segment here, I wanted to
focus on relationships. I mean, so

447
00:36:00.119 --> 00:36:07.199
much of our lives are either improved
or diminished because of our relationships. Right,

448
00:36:07.239 --> 00:36:12.519
and so part of your work involves
helping women overcome toxic relationships and their

449
00:36:12.559 --> 00:36:16.280
limiting effects on them. Wow,
So help us understand first, how can

450
00:36:16.320 --> 00:36:22.320
we recognize we're in a toxic relationship? Sure, yeah, it's interesting.

451
00:36:22.360 --> 00:36:29.840
Just reflecting back on my own experience, I think innately we know when something

452
00:36:29.960 --> 00:36:36.400
is toxic, But like from my
own experience, I was very young and

453
00:36:36.519 --> 00:36:42.599
had zero self esteem and zero self
worth, So I knew it was toxic,

454
00:36:42.760 --> 00:36:47.920
but I didn't feel like I was
worthy of more So, when you

455
00:36:47.960 --> 00:36:52.920
know, you know you're in a
toxic relationship because it just doesn't feel good.

456
00:36:52.960 --> 00:36:59.000
You're constantly on eggshells, and you
know feeling like you're not worthy and

457
00:36:59.119 --> 00:37:06.039
trying to prove your yourself and yeah, like there's so many different ways to

458
00:37:06.119 --> 00:37:07.559
recognize it, but I think the
biggest thing is just the way you feel.

459
00:37:08.280 --> 00:37:13.440
If it doesn't feel good, you
know, it's probably toxic. And

460
00:37:13.599 --> 00:37:19.840
you know, if if there's an
unhealthy way of communicating and you know there's

461
00:37:19.960 --> 00:37:28.679
yelling and screaming and abuse. Yeah, there's there's many different layers of toxic

462
00:37:28.800 --> 00:37:35.559
relationships. Mm hmmm. So what
are the effects then on a person from

463
00:37:35.559 --> 00:37:39.280
being when when we're in a toxic
relationship, what happens to us? Uh,

464
00:37:40.119 --> 00:37:45.719
It's it's very soul destroying, like
it really again speaking from our own

465
00:37:45.760 --> 00:37:55.199
experience, it just breaks you as
a person. And yeah, it's very

466
00:37:57.320 --> 00:38:04.400
debilitating, and you know you're not
functioning fully as a human because you're just

467
00:38:05.719 --> 00:38:13.920
broken. Really again speaking from our
own experience, Yeah, it's affects your

468
00:38:13.920 --> 00:38:17.559
whole life really, and you know
what, I'm also thinking about Rachel too,

469
00:38:17.639 --> 00:38:22.039
just in my own experience, I've
certainly had maybe some of those relationships

470
00:38:22.039 --> 00:38:29.199
over my overtime, and I think
they also unfortunately teach us or encourage us,

471
00:38:29.440 --> 00:38:34.159
you know, unhealthy behaviors to cope
in response that maybe aren't very good

472
00:38:34.199 --> 00:38:37.559
for the long term, and then
you know the opportunity there is to intervene

473
00:38:37.559 --> 00:38:44.119
in that and get us back on
a better, more healthy path, right.

474
00:38:45.320 --> 00:38:47.679
Yeah. And unfortunately in life,
when something happens, we tend to

475
00:38:47.719 --> 00:38:52.639
take the low road versus the higher
roads instead of growing and evolving. You

476
00:38:52.679 --> 00:38:58.159
know, we could turn to food
or alcohol and sex and drugs and different

477
00:38:58.440 --> 00:39:06.480
things that really point enable us to
grow through that toxicity, you know,

478
00:39:06.519 --> 00:39:13.719
instead of turning to a friend or
exercise or something that's going to help rebalance

479
00:39:13.800 --> 00:39:16.199
you. Gosh, it's so funny
you say that, Rachel, I was

480
00:39:16.280 --> 00:39:19.840
just going back, you know.
And I think there's ebbs and flows in

481
00:39:19.880 --> 00:39:24.679
a relationship, right And I can
remember one relationship that overall net was really

482
00:39:24.760 --> 00:39:29.280
really great for me on so many
levels. But in the end, after

483
00:39:29.360 --> 00:39:32.639
three years, I did opt to
leave it because for that very reason I

484
00:39:32.679 --> 00:39:37.079
could, I knew, and I
got feedback from people around me that I

485
00:39:37.199 --> 00:39:40.320
most certainly was not centered. And
I remember distinctly. I was living in

486
00:39:40.320 --> 00:39:44.760
Brazil at the time, Rachel,
and one of the women there said to

487
00:39:44.800 --> 00:39:49.360
me in Portuguese, she said,
weisbashada, which means you are with a

488
00:39:49.400 --> 00:39:53.880
lowered star. In another way of
saying that is you're depressed, so certainly

489
00:39:53.960 --> 00:40:00.599
not balanced and anyway, just it's
really interesting to think about starting to kignize,

490
00:40:00.639 --> 00:40:05.039
Wow, this is not a good
place for me. So then we

491
00:40:05.119 --> 00:40:07.960
have to ask how can we be
come or be more in tune that we

492
00:40:08.039 --> 00:40:13.119
might be getting into a toxic relationship
relationship before it actually sucks us in.

493
00:40:14.400 --> 00:40:22.719
Yeah, it's just having that awareness
and the self worth and the self love

494
00:40:22.079 --> 00:40:28.760
and compassion not to go there.
Like I think, there's, as you

495
00:40:28.800 --> 00:40:34.239
say, at the beginning of relationship, there's red flags, and it's just

496
00:40:34.400 --> 00:40:39.239
having the courage to walk away and
honor yourself and love yourself enough to not

497
00:40:39.360 --> 00:40:45.039
stay with that person. But I
mean, I've been there myself, you

498
00:40:45.039 --> 00:40:51.159
know, going to people that don't
truly serve me, and that's just a

499
00:40:51.199 --> 00:40:54.679
part of ourselves that we're not really
loving and we're allowing, you know,

500
00:40:55.320 --> 00:41:00.960
somebody to potentially treat us that way. You know. I think that all

501
00:41:01.000 --> 00:41:06.840
of us maybe have grown up with
all kinds of messages about ourselves and about

502
00:41:06.960 --> 00:41:09.519
what a relationship is. And one
of those big messages is, well,

503
00:41:09.599 --> 00:41:15.400
you know, Rachel, relationships take
work right and so I'm wondering, you

504
00:41:15.440 --> 00:41:20.199
know, when you think about how
people might start to process some of the

505
00:41:20.280 --> 00:41:22.920
negativity or toxicity that they experience in
a relationship and they just reframe it as

506
00:41:22.920 --> 00:41:25.079
well, you know, it's work. I just have to work at it.

507
00:41:25.679 --> 00:41:30.199
What do you think about that for
me? I don't know if I'm

508
00:41:30.239 --> 00:41:35.400
living in a fairytale line or not, but I believe when you're with the

509
00:41:35.519 --> 00:41:38.159
right person, you light each other
up. And you know, there's a

510
00:41:38.199 --> 00:41:42.119
couple of people in my life that
I look at and they have that,

511
00:41:42.519 --> 00:41:50.039
and I mean, sometimes it can
be work, but that's I think for

512
00:41:50.119 --> 00:41:54.199
the most part, it's light and
it's joyful and you just bring the best

513
00:41:54.199 --> 00:42:00.119
out in each other. But then
obviously life comes along and challenges come,

514
00:42:00.159 --> 00:42:06.760
but you work together to move forward
rather than against each other. And I

515
00:42:06.760 --> 00:42:10.719
think perhaps that's part of the problem
with toxic relationships, they're working against each

516
00:42:10.719 --> 00:42:15.280
other versus with each other. That
is a great way to clarify that,

517
00:42:15.400 --> 00:42:19.480
Rachel, and I'll just simply quickly
share that, you know, again,

518
00:42:19.519 --> 00:42:23.119
coming off my mother is passing two
weeks ago. I've witnessed my mother and

519
00:42:23.199 --> 00:42:28.440
father's love over the lot. They
were married for almost forty six years and

520
00:42:28.480 --> 00:42:31.440
they really were, and they were
they had great chemistry, so they were

521
00:42:31.440 --> 00:42:37.719
connected that way. They were best
friends, they were business partners, they

522
00:42:37.159 --> 00:42:40.320
loved spending time together. And of
course, as you can imagine, my

523
00:42:40.400 --> 00:42:45.920
father is completely destroyed in this whole
you know, the new geography if you

524
00:42:45.960 --> 00:42:50.760
will, he's just destroyed. But
it's such a great example of what a

525
00:42:50.920 --> 00:42:59.079
beautiful relationship can be m exactly exactly. And it's just opening up to that.

526
00:42:59.360 --> 00:43:04.280
And you know, when you're being
you've experienced toxic relationships in the past,

527
00:43:05.119 --> 00:43:07.480
Being in a healthy one can be
foreign. You're like, whoa,

528
00:43:07.519 --> 00:43:12.199
what's this? Love? What is
this? And it can be overwhelming,

529
00:43:12.599 --> 00:43:17.880
But it's just learning to, you
know, go within and do the work

530
00:43:17.920 --> 00:43:23.400
within, and when you can do
that, like and just you know,

531
00:43:23.519 --> 00:43:29.800
open yourself to receive love like that, that's powerful. And to your point

532
00:43:29.840 --> 00:43:32.960
earlier, Rachel, what I can
absolutely say is they both very much contributed

533
00:43:34.000 --> 00:43:37.719
to the other. They made each
other better, bigger, fuller human beings.

534
00:43:38.760 --> 00:43:45.320
Exactly. Yeah. Well, along
those lines, another thing that I

535
00:43:45.400 --> 00:43:47.960
know that you said you've been up
to is facilitating group work, which is

536
00:43:49.000 --> 00:43:51.320
fascinating to me. I would love
to do something like that. In fact,

537
00:43:51.320 --> 00:43:52.199
in many ways, I guess I
do do that and some of the

538
00:43:52.199 --> 00:43:58.400
programs that I when I bring groups
together. But I'm interested to understand if

539
00:43:58.400 --> 00:44:01.559
there's been any common themes that you've
seen among the groups in terms of challenges

540
00:44:01.639 --> 00:44:07.559
or opportunities. Yeah, it's actually
been really interesting. I've been facilitating well

541
00:44:07.639 --> 00:44:12.719
started to open myself up to that
world, which has been really exciting.

542
00:44:14.559 --> 00:44:19.480
And yeah, been drawing men into
the groups, which has been pretty cool.

543
00:44:19.800 --> 00:44:24.440
And the common theme that I've found
in these men that have showed up

544
00:44:24.480 --> 00:44:30.679
for the work is that they don't
really have a space to open up and

545
00:44:30.760 --> 00:44:35.119
be vulnerable in like, for example, if they're hanging out with their guy

546
00:44:35.239 --> 00:44:38.320
mate, you know, they'll try
and speak to them about whatever issue it

547
00:44:38.400 --> 00:44:44.199
is that they're feeling or going through, and they made le just tap them

548
00:44:44.239 --> 00:44:45.360
on the shoulder and be like,
you know, you'll be right mate,

549
00:44:45.480 --> 00:44:52.199
you know, let's just have a
beer. So you know, obviously this

550
00:44:52.280 --> 00:44:58.519
is a generalization, but generally men
don't have that capability to open up and

551
00:44:58.559 --> 00:45:01.639
be vulnerable with each other because it's
just they haven't been taught that. So

552
00:45:02.280 --> 00:45:08.239
Yeah, it's been very really cool
to see men come out and go I

553
00:45:08.320 --> 00:45:12.880
want to talk about this. I
want to be vulnerable. I want to

554
00:45:13.000 --> 00:45:19.079
learn to not reflex and shut down
and suppress my energies and emotions. So

555
00:45:19.199 --> 00:45:23.679
it's been as a woman to be
able to facilitate that and create that space

556
00:45:23.800 --> 00:45:30.400
for men to come into and to
really bear their souls in front of men

557
00:45:30.559 --> 00:45:32.039
they haven't met, in front of
me, they haven't met, like.

558
00:45:32.119 --> 00:45:40.000
It's just been really, really a
privilege to be able to do that for

559
00:45:40.079 --> 00:45:45.159
them and see them grow and evolve
through the hour that I'm working with them

560
00:45:45.199 --> 00:45:50.599
in like, it's been yeah,
pretty very special, you know, Rachel,

561
00:45:50.599 --> 00:45:52.280
Again, you and I are coming
at this from a very similar space,

562
00:45:52.320 --> 00:45:57.079
and I work with men and women. It's easier sometimes I think it's

563
00:45:57.079 --> 00:45:59.920
easier for some of the women to
opt into my space, but not really.

564
00:46:00.000 --> 00:46:02.480
I mean, men want to work
and live from purpose too, and

565
00:46:02.880 --> 00:46:07.519
they certainly the emotional intelligence, in
the spectrum of emotional intelligence that goes with

566
00:46:07.559 --> 00:46:12.679
that to be able to express and
communicate how they're feeling is you know,

567
00:46:12.719 --> 00:46:15.400
there's a spectrum there that they can
develop into. And to your point,

568
00:46:15.480 --> 00:46:20.280
I think it is so beautiful when
I could see men or women being able

569
00:46:20.320 --> 00:46:22.519
to stand in that place, be
vulnerable, show who they really are,

570
00:46:23.599 --> 00:46:29.119
and let us in it. It's
really really magical when that happens. And

571
00:46:29.199 --> 00:46:32.119
furthermore, what I'll say is that
I think men have the opportunity today to

572
00:46:32.159 --> 00:46:36.400
be able to live in that space, you know, when they let themselves

573
00:46:36.480 --> 00:46:39.519
do so, and that the time
is absolutely right for them to stand in

574
00:46:39.559 --> 00:46:44.840
that place. And the last thing
I'll say is it's really sexy when a

575
00:46:44.880 --> 00:46:50.280
man cries. I think, Oh, I know, I was with a

576
00:46:50.320 --> 00:46:52.960
group yesterday and he was talking about
how he sit there and have a crowd

577
00:46:53.159 --> 00:47:00.679
just like, yes, go and
yeah, it's interesting to there. How

578
00:47:00.559 --> 00:47:05.559
you know, men will speak about
that social conditioning of oh you got to

579
00:47:05.639 --> 00:47:10.079
man up, and like, to
me, manning up is crying. Manning

580
00:47:10.159 --> 00:47:15.679
up is showing your emotions. Then
being vulnerable like that to me is the

581
00:47:15.719 --> 00:47:21.159
sexiest thing a man could ever do. And it takes a lot more courage

582
00:47:21.159 --> 00:47:23.320
than it is just to shut all
that down. That's more strength to to

583
00:47:23.400 --> 00:47:27.639
do that. So I completely agree
with you. That would be more manning

584
00:47:27.719 --> 00:47:30.599
up than shutting it all down,
for sure, exactly. And I also

585
00:47:30.800 --> 00:47:35.599
know that men have been terribly conditioned
not to do that. I'm not trying

586
00:47:35.599 --> 00:47:38.119
to take that away because I know, well, I'm not a man,

587
00:47:38.159 --> 00:47:40.639
so I don't know what my bones
like they do, but that you know,

588
00:47:40.679 --> 00:47:45.119
there's consequences if you don't align with
what society says about what it is

589
00:47:45.119 --> 00:47:50.239
to be a man. So I
really also understand that they have to swim

590
00:47:50.320 --> 00:47:53.199
upstream if you will, to do
we're what we're talking about, and I

591
00:47:53.280 --> 00:48:00.199
really respect and appreciate that when they
do. Oh totally, totally. Well,

592
00:48:00.280 --> 00:48:01.559
we've come down to the last already, if you will, Rachel.

593
00:48:01.559 --> 00:48:06.880
The time just goes by so fast. So here we are at the end.

594
00:48:07.639 --> 00:48:09.679
You know, this show is listened
to by people across the globe.

595
00:48:10.800 --> 00:48:15.199
What would you likely well listeners with
today see maybe thirty seconds or so.

596
00:48:15.880 --> 00:48:24.639
Sure. I think it's just consciously
choosing what feels right for you. What

597
00:48:24.679 --> 00:48:30.960
your truth is is different to my
truth, and it's just really not even

598
00:48:30.000 --> 00:48:36.760
having the courage, but just feeling
what feels right for you and moving through

599
00:48:36.800 --> 00:48:38.719
that fear and just going for it. You know, life is short,

600
00:48:38.920 --> 00:48:45.880
and it's when you can really just
move past your boundaries and your limitations that's

601
00:48:45.960 --> 00:48:52.800
where it gets juicy. That's when
life really starts. And yeah, I

602
00:48:52.800 --> 00:48:57.360
mean, I do work online,
so if people want to work with me

603
00:48:58.760 --> 00:49:02.639
anywhere in the world, that's possible. So yeah, I just I want

604
00:49:02.679 --> 00:49:07.119
to help people wake up and live
life on their terms. So yeah,

605
00:49:07.159 --> 00:49:12.320
thank you, Thanks, thanks for
listening everyone. Rachel, thank you so

606
00:49:12.400 --> 00:49:15.320
much for joining us and sharing your
heart, your soul, your purpose,

607
00:49:15.480 --> 00:49:20.800
your passionate with us. It's obvious
to me that you're doing work you're supposed

608
00:49:20.800 --> 00:49:24.280
to be doing. Yeah, thank
you. So if you want to learn

609
00:49:24.280 --> 00:49:29.280
more about Rachel Clizoled or contact her
and see about the work that she's doing

610
00:49:29.920 --> 00:49:32.960
and international trauma, you can always
check out her website. It's Rachel clizzol

611
00:49:34.039 --> 00:49:38.079
dot com. So it's r A
c h E L C l I S

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s O l D dot com,
rachelclizzled dot com. And last week,

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if you missed the show live,
you can always catch it via recorded podcast.

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We were on the air with Brandy
Nice. She's an emerging speaker working

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from her purpose to help encourage and
inspire people to break free of their own

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self imposed prisons, no matter what
they've been through in life, and go

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hard after their dreams. Next week, will be on the air talking with

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Paul Radoff about his work consulting on
Purpose in nonprofits, and also his book

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Thriving in a New Stakeholder World,
Purpose as the New competitive advantage. See

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you there. Remember that work is
at least one third of our life,

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so let's work on purpose. We
hope you've enjoyed this week's program. Be

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sure to tune in to Working on
Purpose featuring your host Alis Cortes, each

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week on the Voice America Empowerment Channel. This week, find your life's purpose at work