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The topics and opinions express in the following show are
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solely those of the hosts and their guests and not
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What's working on Purpose? Anyway? Each week we ponder the
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answer to this question. People ache for meaning and purpose
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at work, to contribute their talents passionately and know their
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lives really matter. They crave being part of an organization
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that inspires them and helps them grow into realizing their
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highest potential. Business can be such a force for good
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in the world, elevating humanity. In our program, we provide
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guidance and inspiration to help usher in this world we
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all want Working on Purpose. Now, here's your host, doctor
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Elise Cortes.
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Welcome back to the Working on Purpose program, which has
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been brought to you with Passionate Prize since February of
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twenty fifteen. Thanks for tuning again this week. Great to
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have you. I'm your host, doctor Relies Cortes. If you
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haven't met me yet, I'm an organizational psychologist, local therapist,
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workforce advisor, and the founder of the Gusto Now movement.
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But the title that I live by daily is really
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much simply simpler eye traffic and energy, not the service
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level motivation or another engagement initiative, but the deeper force
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what I call the Gusto, the life force of performance
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that drives commitment, performance and genuine ownership of a shared mission.
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You can learn more rest than how we can work
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together at Gusto dashnow dot com or my personal site
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at last Coortes dot com. With us today is doctor
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mehrad Nerazzi. He is an executive advisor, corporate trainer and speaker.
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He is passionate. He's a passionate practitioner of applied spirituality
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and believes in preserving the authenticity of the ancient wisdom
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practices and applying them in our daily lives in the
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twenty first century. He's the author of Enlightened Negotiation, eight
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Universal Laws to Connect, Create and Prosper, which we'll be
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talking about in today's program. You know it's today from
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Portugal where he lives. Doctor Nazari, Welcome to Working on Purpose.
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Good to me, Thank you.
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So welcome, beautiful friend. I want to I want to
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celebrate this beautiful book that you brought into the world.
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I learned so much as also you say you're edited
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it as well. I know you're going to bring us
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into a centering exercise to start, but before we do that,
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and let me celebrate how we met. I am a
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recent new member of the Enlighten What the the what
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is it called the Enlighten Leadership.
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Guild, Conscious Leadership Guild.
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Conscious Leadership Guild. Let's get that right, because it was
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one that I would have never ever encountered. But I
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met Willian through that and then I met you, So
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that's how we met. I want to give that shout out.
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Now you mentioned it would be nice to start our
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conversation with the centering exercise, which is something you do
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when you bring people together for negotiation. Let's do it.
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I'll take your lead.
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Yes, actually, at least that is something that I do
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in almost every meeting. And by that, I'm going to
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ask you to sit comfortably with a straight a spine,
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and some of you may be driving or doing other things.
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So just with the eyes open, bring your awareness to
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where you're sitting or standing, and withdraw your mind from
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all other spaces and bring it to the space that
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your body is occupying. Just breathe within that space, and
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we draw your mind from all other times and bring
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it to this moment to be here now, feel the
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breath of here now, no traces of the past, no
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anticipation of the future. Just be here now. Just before
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we start the session, just bring your attention why you're here,
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why we have gathered here, All of us here are
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to improve ourselves and make a positive contribution to our world.
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So with that intention, please come back. Now I can
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say welcome now, thank you.
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That was a beautiful way to start, and I can
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imagine how incredibly productive and powerful it is to start
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a negotiation session. So and I don't think I've ever
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seen anyone start And as I mentioned to you before
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we got on here, having read your book, I can
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say that with certainty that none of the people that
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I've encountered in my life where I negotiated with, did
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they practice the eight laws that you have in your book,
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they need to pick up your book.
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Well, would you like me to start from my background from.
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Book I liked, let's talk about why you've come to
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the place where you have really mastered negotiation, and we
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will do that first, and we'll distinguish what do we
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mean by negotiation and as you say, then hangling. But
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you know what a niche to have.
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Well, it was my own experience of I was studying
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in San Diego, California. I was working on my PhD.
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And all of a sudden, I got a call that
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the financial aid was stopped and I had to stop
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start supporting myself, and so I immediately got my broker's license.
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I got into real estate and I was working very hard,
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and I was very successful. I enjoyed it very much,
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and I had wonderful clients. However, the world of negotiation
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was really unbelievably harsh, and I was not even though
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I was successful, I was not enjoying how I have
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to act in order to be able to successful in
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that business, and how people really acted as if very
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different than they were supposed to. Let's just live it
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at that doggy dog world out there, and some of
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the closest friends and partners. You know, they would come
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to the business all of a sudden their personality would shift. Yes,
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so I thought, you know, it has to be a
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better way. And I was at the School of Human
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Behavior and I decided to write my dissertation on negotiation.
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Maybe I learned something and that was that became my
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passion of learning about negotiation. I finished my dissertation and
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school asked me to talk to present a class at
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the university, which I did for ten years. But Alice, frankly,
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it wasn't until about many years after that that I
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wrote the book because by then I was also within
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that period, I was also working on my spiritual path
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and I was deeply involved in yoga and meditation, and
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the idea of writing another book was not that enticing.
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But when I got that inner voice telling me that
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my book has to have a spiritual essence, I said, ah,
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now I can't do it. So I wrote the book
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as a result of my own experience and realizing as
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human being, we are a spiritual being. As such, we
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have to step up and behave differently.
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That is so beautiful. I want to celebrate for our
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listeners and viewers Marat because many people turn into this
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program because they're interested in trying to discover more of
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their true essence, their purpose, etc. So I want to
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celebrate what you said about being able to hear that
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inner voice, right, And I think a lot of people
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weren't practicing what you were doing. You're having the spiritual
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quest meditation so that you could hear that, and I
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want to just presence that for our listeners and viewers,
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and maybe you can comment on that.
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You know, I really appreciate that. Alice also want to
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mention that we can deny it. We are a spiritual being.
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As a matter of fact, doctor Linda Miller from Columbia University.
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She is the head of the Spirituality Mond Body Program
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at Columbia and through the neuroscience she proves, she shows
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us that we are a spiritual being. We cannot deny it.
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And her work has been so powerful that now she's
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teaching the spirituality at Pentagon to the Army. So that
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is a great step for us realizing, recognizing, embracing spirituality
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is not a woo woo things. It is part of
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who you are and unless we do it and we
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come as a wholeness of who we are, we are
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not going to achieve our highest and best.
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One hundred percent agree. I had an author on my
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show some time ago now his name is Escaping Me.
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But he distinguishes very profoundly. He says, we don't have
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a soul, we are a soul exactly. I think that's
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really an important way to distinguish that.
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Yeah, and once we ignore that, life is going to
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be very hard. And as a matter of fact, I
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should also add, as a result of doctor miller'so work
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with the Army, the suicide dropped by twenty five percent
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because people recognizing who they are, they look at life,
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they look at their behavior differently.
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So be fun. So we started with this. Okay, now
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let's do this if we can. Your definition of negotiation,
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what is negotiation? In your eyes?
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Negotiation is the communication between two or more party in
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order to satisfy their needs by enhancing their position by
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satisfying their need. Unfortunately, there are actually basically two styles
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of negotiation. One is the distributive negotiation, which is a
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zero sum phenomenal that the parties assume the resources are limited.
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If you get more, I would get less, and vice versa.
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They call it distributive negotiation. The other one is an
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integrative negotiation, and that is you integrate all the elements
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and you dive deep in to why people are at
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the table and try to create options and as a
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result of that try to see and I'm we're just
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going to go further, specifically working on describing the enlightened negotiation.
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How can we maximize the collective gain versus the distributive bargaining?
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That is, doesn't really need much of a preparation. You
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go there and whatever they offer. If you're the seller,
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you ask for more. If you're the buyer, you ask
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for less, and you reach up some in between the numbers.
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And that is basically the essence of it. And unfortunately
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these days we are also hearing things about the thread, quercion, exertion,
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those are none of those are part of negotiation. We
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have to really separate them. And a lot of people
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asking me about some of the comments that are these
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days on the and the air, and I share them
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that I do not consider any of those of negotiation.
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Those do not belong to boardroom or bedroom. That is
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where we negotiate. And so that is the essence of negotiation.
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And we can of course go deeper into it as
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we speak.
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I love how were starting kicking this off. Let's distinguish,
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as we did before we got on air this morning,
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what you just did with negotiation from haggling. What's haggling?
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Haggling? As I said, it is what the style of
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negotiation that you see in the bazaar. And by bizarre
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I mean in general a place that you can and
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sell anything, I mean anything and that belongs to that,
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and there's a special culture goes with it, and that
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is the way it is done. For things of the
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low value and not much of the principle, that is fine.
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But when it comes to things with the principles and
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importance and reputation and relationship, you cannot haggle. You have
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to negotiate. And unfortunately, because as I was mentioning earlier,
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you know, we breed all the time, but how many
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of us have taken the class in proper breeding and
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breath is so important to us? The same thing with negotiation.
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As a matter of fact, when I wrote my book,
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actually my rock Lisitation, there were very few universities that
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they were offering courses in negotiation. It was a handsful
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of universities to the business people in the NBA. They
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would come up. They had learned about finance, economics, and
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everything else except negotiation. So I was my course one
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of the pretty early courses in negotiation.
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Let's go back to the idea of breathing really quick.
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I really was moved by what you had said in
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your book about you'd been practicing meditation for years and
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your dad was kind of dismissive of that, and finally,
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after several attempts, you gave him a session to teach him,
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I think, how to do meditation and to breathe. And
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he emerged from it with tears and he said, no
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one's ever taught me to breathe like that. That I
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could breathe like that, that was such a powerful thing
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to share. Do I have that right?
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And thank you so much to bring it up, because
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that is exactly how I felt. And as I said,
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my father was very intellectual, and he was very proud
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that his son, finally in the family, got his PhD.
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He's teaching at university, but he wasn't sure what this
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yoga thing was to him, and he wanted to learn
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and spiritual practices are experiential, is not the intellectual discussion.
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So I refused to get involved in a discussion, so
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I encouraged him to play the game experience it, and
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that was three years afterwards, he accepted to do that
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and after he experienced his own breath, it was the
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first time he was aware of his breath. This was
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the first time after eighty some years, this man felt,
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Oh my god, nobody ever told me how to breathe.
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And I feel the same way about negotiation. When I
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started talking about negotiation as is something that you know,
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they have never done it. They have done it. We
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all negotiate all the time. Well did you match up
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having awareness and education about it.