Turning Childhood Stories into Life Lessons that Distinguish Us

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There are some people that make their
work just another thing they have to do,

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and there are those that make their
work something that they want to do.

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Welcome to Working on Purpose with your
host Elise Cortes. In our program,

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we provide guidance and inspiration from those
people who have found deeper meaning and

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personal connection to their work life.
It's beyond nine to five. It's working

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on Purpose. Now Here is your
host, Elise Cortes. Welcome back to

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the Working on Purpose Show. Thanks
for tuning in again this week. I'm

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your host, Alise Cortes, joining
you live from Dallas, Texas, which

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is home base for me. If
you've been tuning in for a while,

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then you know this program is all
about helping people create more meaningful and purposeful

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lives and equipping leaders, insight organizations
to cultivate meaning and purpose that list.

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It's passion inspired contribution, innovation and
persevering performance. I talk with my guests

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to draw on their expertise and share
my own expertvarrigance, consulting, speaking,

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and developing workforces across the globe.
Before we get into the program, let

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me get a shout out to our
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week in these conversations, I hope
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put to use in your life or
your work. And if I can do

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anything to help you along your journey, go to my website at eliscortes dot

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com and use the contact me feature
to message me. Let's open a conversation

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and explore what's going on for you
and how I might be able to help.

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Whether you want to learn more about
how to develop a purpose inspired leadership

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and meaning infuse culture in your organization. You want to see about joining a

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cash fire online Inspiration accountability or master
Winde community to nurture your own passion and

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purpose. You're interested in the Women
on Purpose Thought leader Ship Somewhat and retreat

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in the Portland Oregon area this September
eighth through eleventh, twenty nineteenth, or

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you want me to speak for your
company or your conference at any event.

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I'm glad we're connected, and thank
you for listening with us. This week

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is Hope Mueller. She's an author, INSPI, inspirational speaker, executive,

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and active not for profit volunteer.
She's the author of Hopey From Commune to

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Corner Office. We'll be talking about
her book and the lesson she took from

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her childhood growing up in a commune, and the myriad of other life experiences

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she has have has had that have
helped her maker and to who she is

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today. She joins us today from
Ringwood, Illinois. Hope, Welcome to

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Working on Purpose. Thank you,
Elise. It's so great to have you.

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See who knew when you and I
met at the conference that we are

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both speaking at back in March.
It was a women's leadership conference in the

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pharmaceutical industry and you were a fellow
panelist. I was moderating and I was

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like, I like your energy,
I like what your up to lits talk,

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and when I heard about your book
coming out, I thought this could

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be a good conversation. So I'm
really glad Wes Paths. I am.

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Also, it was a it was
an awesome panel. The panelists where,

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you know, they were great to
partner with, and you were an incredible

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moderator. So I felt really lucky
to have been been up there with you

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all. Well, thank you,
Hope. Well, I read your book

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from cover to cover and I really
really enjoyed it. There's so much we

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could talk about, but to kick
us off, there's a couple things about

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your book that really resonate with the
kind of work that I do that I

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want to showcase to start, and
one is identity, the importance of identity

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because it's it's a behavior driver,
among other things. And to story,

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the story of our lives and how
they inform how we do our work and

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how we walk through the world.
So let's talk about storytelling first, the

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importance of telling our story. You've
done that, you've written, You've written

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a part of your story which is
so compelling, you know. So I've

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created online courses for for storytelling.
I teach them in work in public workshops.

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It's really powerful to be able to
do this. So I also,

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by the way, I host story
telling sessions across Texas. Whenever I'm traveling,

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I'll stop in and convene some women
and have them share their stories.

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So obviously i'd leave in the power
of story. So first, for our

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listeners, why did you write this
book? Well, first and foremost it

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was it was just to inspire people, right to let everyone know that no

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matter where you are or where you
got started, you can go out and

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do amazing things. And you know, trauma or other challenges that you might

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have experienced don't have to define you
and don't have to shape your life long

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term, you know, so you're
not alone in the experiences you might have

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had. I read a ton and
exciting and challenging childhood experiences or something that

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I've read quite a bit of,
not as you know, not a ton,

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but I but a lot. And
you know, that's one of the

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things that resonated with me. And
also, like you said, I connect

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right throughout this process, I've had
this really great opportunity to just connect with

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amazing people and hear their stories and
be able to share my own, and

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you know, continue to show people
and tell people that no matter where you're

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at or you know, where you
got started, you can go do amazing

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things, and that was my first
motivation. I really applaud that being a

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logo therapist, which is in the
field of existential psychology, that it really

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embraces the idea that you know,
you have the ability to choose the attitude

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that you take against anything that comes
to you in life, and that's entirely

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your choice. You're in boldened to
do that, and therefore it's your choices

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as to what you make of all
of those experiences and how you allow them

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to make you into who you are
today. So I love your message of

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empowerment. I'm right there with you. Yeah, I think that's part of

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the reason why you and I I
resonated so much. You know, quite

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quickly, I do too, I
do too. And you have a fascinating

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story, you know. So I
want to understand what has writing your story

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about growing up in a commune,
which you'll talk more about you grew up

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in a commune done for you?
How's it affected you? Well? First,

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first and foremost, the opening scene, you know, if you download

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the sample chapter, that chapter,
that scene, if you will, played

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in the back of my mind for
years, and I knew that if I

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was ever to write anything, that
would be my opening scene, and when

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I finally you know, wrote it, it just came out. So so

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part of it was just getting it
out and I couldn't type fast enough,

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right, It was just I was
compelled to get this out. And so

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in some ways, you know,
what it did for me was just achieve

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some real goals. Right, I'm
a goal oriented person. First, I

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got the work out there, I
had an opportunity to attend a writer's conference

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and I learned that, oh wow, this is just a whole second job

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at an entire industry, and I'm
going to have to do all of this

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work to make these things happen.
And so I got I got the work

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and into you know, in a
format that people could actually read and that

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I could start to share in twenty
seventeen, twenty eighteen a better readers and

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cleaned it up and wanted to get
it to figure out my publishing pathway,

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and my goal was to launch it
in twenty nineteen. So one of the

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things is done for me is just
hope, achieve a goal. But more

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recently, as I'm wearing launched,
it is really connecting me with means,

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it's really connecting me with you know, kids that I knew from the common

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kids that I've built throughout my childhood, people who are temporarily might family members

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and my brand family members now and
it's be connected with you, excite people

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like yourselves and just people who are
contacting me to the website or my different

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social media platforms and connecting talking about
but you know, the two things that

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I have failing are you know,
either you know, traumatic childhood or the

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writing process of those two things to
reach out. I'm having a hard time

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hearing you, hope. Can you
speak up a little bit? You're breaking

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up and it's really hard to hear
you. Can you really speak up into

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the mic? Yes, I can
do that. Oh that's so much better.

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Yeah, that's much better. We
were you were you were, we

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were running away from us, come
back. Well, I will sit still,

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which is actually quite hard for me, I can imagine. So Okay,

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So it's just about reconnecting and reconnecting
with you know, just my past

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and people in my life and new
people. And that's been a really amazing

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journey. Okay, got it,
fantastic, Totally get that, because I,

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like I said, whenever I go
different places, I just like I'm

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going to Austin the first week of
August, I'm convening a women's storytelling group

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there. I'm going to San Antonio
and second week of September convening a group

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there. I know that it's just
connecting to tell stories. Yeah, okay,

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amazing, all right. The second
thing that I want to talk about

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that really drew me as having you
as a guest is your book is really

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in a lot of ways about identity, and I'm an identity researcher. I

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know it's so important to know where
we come from. And identity also drives

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decisions, behavior, choices. It's
that's the part of its functions people will

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understand. So it's also kind of
an undergird, or it can be an

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undergird to purpose. So what does
the story you have written about tell us

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who hope is today? You know, this is such an interesting question,

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and I really you know, I
really you know who who are you?

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It's such an existential question, and
you know, what is your identity?

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And how do you you know,
how do you communicate those things? I

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mean, the work shares with you
a set of experiences, and it also

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gives you little glimpses into the future
of who I am today and how I

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got here, And I think all
of that combined can distill to a few

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few key components, right, someone
who's you know, passionate, high energy,

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you know, really focused and really
at the end of the day,

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you know, you're not defined by
the house you live in. You're not

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defined by your early childhood experiences.
You're not defined by the people you sit

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by at work, or the office
you sit in at work, or your

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colleagues or you know, even a
lot of people seem to define themselves by

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the work that they do. So
you exist to yourself without all of those

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things, and you can choose what
that looks like. And that's what the

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story is. It says, here's
some set of experiences and at the end

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of the day, I'm not defined
by the commune that I was living in

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and the things that I saw,
And I'm certainly not defined by the big

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house that I have today. And
that's the identity and that is so beautiful

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and I completely agree with that.
In fact, just for our listeners,

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if you decide do you want to
say anything about your first chapter, it

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is incredibly arresting the way you start
your book. Hope, it's like all

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right, I'm in I'm coming into
this story with her. It's incredibly compelling

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how you opened your book, and
to your point earlier, your story really

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does illustrate the power of choice in
a person's life and that we have the

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freedom to choose our attitude against our
circumstances and what life serves up to us.

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I mean, you could really have
assumed a very very dire victim mentality

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if you wanted to, and chosen
a dim view of the world and you

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know what was growing up, et
cetera, and you didn't. In fact,

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you know, you've got some interesting
stories in there about your upbringing,

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and you see your mom today as
always loving, supportive, not always the

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best parent, but good. Yeah, it's true. It's funny. We

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recently there was, you know,
one of these Facebook posts that was floating

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around, and it was ten childhood
traumas and you're supposed to give yourself a

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point for each one you experienced,
right, And I, you know,

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gave myself points and I had an
eight out of ten. And I asked

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the guy who posted, and I
said, well, what was your score?

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And he said it too, and
I thought, well wow, And

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though I realized there was one on
there that I didn't get and I was.

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I was unequivocally, you know,
unconditionally loved and supported. I was

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never made to feel small, I
was never belittled, I was never not

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encouraged. So I feel like me
having that gift was the foundation that I

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built everything else on because my mom
believed in me, I was it didn't.

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She fully accepted me for who I
was. My dad the same,

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and I was always encouraged. I
was told I could be a doctor,

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a dentist, an astronaut, a
dancer, anything that I wanted to be,

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and I was encouraged and made to
feel, you know, great.

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So I feel like that foundation,
although the other eight I might have experienced,

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that was the foundation that I could
build the rest of my life on.

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You know what's so great about that, hope, from my research and

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human development and psychology, sociology,
etc. Is that what you're speaking to

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is really where resilience comes from.
What we know about resilience is that when

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we have, as a young person, just one person who really believes in

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us and tells us so no matter
what happens in the world around us,

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there's a way for us to navigate
forward. And I think that partly what

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you're describing is you've developed a very
resilient attitude, in part because your parents

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did so believe in you and give
you unwavering support. Yeah, you know,

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in reflection, you really think,
Okay, well, at least I

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got the really most important one,
because that allowed me to not take a

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victim mentality and to move forward in
life because I knew I was encouraged and

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I was capable of doing that because
that was the foundation of who I was.

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Now, having said all that,
which is just really the focus that

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we have here in your book and
in your person. Now, let's surface

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for our listeners just a little bit
about what was your experience like growing up

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in this commune. You grew up
with your sister, and the two of

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you have some constants that you can
associate with growing up in that experience,

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So tell us a few of them. Well, commune life is messy.

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Commune life is messy. You don't
own anything, You share everything. You

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don't have your own bed, you
know, you don't have your own towel

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or clothes or necessarily identify too closely
with anything. So it gives you some

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freedom and c in terms of your
attachment to material goods, and the commune

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that I lived on was, you
know, full of sex and drugs and

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violence and trauma and drama associated with
the adults that surrounded us, you know,

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who are on there, be here
Now, Now, be here trip

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down, you know, the late
sixties, early seventies. So those were

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some of the some of the immediate
things that we faced during the you know,

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the commune years. M I appreciate
you sharing it the way that you

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did. And on that note,
let's grab our first break. Hope,

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I'm your host. I'm your host. At last Cortez a little bit in

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the air with Hope Mueller. She's
an author, inspirational speaker, exectly an

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active non for profit volunteer. She's
the author of Hope From Commune to Corner

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Office. She joined today from Ringwood, Illinois, Illinois. We've been talking

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a bit about what lessons that she's
taken from her life and how things have

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come to be for her. After
the break, we're going to get into

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more details as to the kinds of
lessons that she's learned from her upbringing and

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what she had to unlearn to be
well in the world today. Stay with

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us, We'll be right back.
Alice Cortez is a speaker and engagement and

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development catalyst. She designs and delivers
professional development, leadership and engagement workshops and

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can bring her expertise to your organization. She will help ignite meaningful development within

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your workforce that will increase in employe
engagement, performance and retention. To learn,

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00:17:03.000 --> 00:17:06.680
lare or to invite Elise to speak
to your organization, please visit her

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at www dot Elisecortes dot com.
She would welcome the opportunity to help get

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your employees working on purpose. This
is working on Purpose with Elise Cortes.

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To reach our program today, send
an email to a lease Alise at Aleasecortes

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dot com. Now back to working
on purpose. Thanks for staying with us

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and welcome back to working on purpose
if you're just joining us. My guest

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is Hope Mueler. She's an author, inspirational speaker, executive, and active

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non for profit volunteer. She is
the author of Hopey From Commune to Corner

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Office. With her early years marked
by the experiences in a hippie commune,

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Hope's unique childhood shaped her approach and
interaction with the world. With the gift

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of creating order out of chaos and
turning vision into reality. I'm your host

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Elise Test, so hope. One
of the things we were talking about on

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break that I was chuckling about,
there's a couple of things in your book

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that I thought were really fun that
I would guess that the best way to

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describe them is she kind of had
to unlearn some things that you got from

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your childhood that were normal for you
in that upbringing but didn't always suit the

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rest of the world. So tell
us a few of the things that you

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had to unlearn or do differently to
fit in well, Alice. You know,

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I'm sort of embarrassed to admit that
I'm still doing that in my mid

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forties, but you know, there
are some pretty concrete examples, you know,

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because in the commune, you you
know, everything is shared and you

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don't have a lot of attachments to
material goods. You know, God bless

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my first or my second roommate.
Actually in you know, late in high

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school and early in college. You
know, she taught me, you know,

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that I can't just go into her
closet and wear all of her clothes

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without asking. And you know,
we tell a story and it's really actually

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embarrassing. I loaned her car to
someone else without even asking her. And

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this woman is a saint, and
she's just really kind and sweet, and

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you know, she taught me how
to cook and do all of these really

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fantastic things. And I think that
was the only time she really got angry

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with me was when I actually gave
her car to someone else to borrow for

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a day without asking her. But
even dirt, you know, even now,

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and certainly in the workplace, there's
a whole series of things I,

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you know, had to unlearn,
some of which is, you know that

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not everyone you know is equal,
and not every voice has the same power.

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Right, there's SVPs really don't expect
you know, the you know,

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the person who's been out of college
for six months to you know, provide

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an opinion or you know, talk
back. So those are those are some

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things that I've had to I can
continue to unlearn. I think it's delightful.

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I laughed my head off when I
read that part about you just you

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know, happily, just trying.
I could just imagine you just donning your

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college roommates close and stepping out and
having a jolly good time and the car,

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where's my car oh, I land
it off to so and so they

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needed it. Oh good, Well
how do I get to work today?

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I just thought I was just charming, and I understand you know that you

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feel a little embarrassed, but it's
you know, how would you know differently?

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So along those lines, one of
the things that I really thought was

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fun and wanted to call out about
your book is that all of us grow

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up in a unique family dynamic,
and that dynamic shapes us and gives us

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often very radically unique skills that we
can draw from to distinguish ourselves in life

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and work. And between your mother
and your sister, you developed in the

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role of peacekeeper and became very good
at de escalating situations and very heated and

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sometimes violent arguments between the two of
them. I would see this as a

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very essential life skill. How has
that manifested or served you in the business

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world. Well, I mean I
can think of, you know, five

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examples off the top of my head, some very pivotal and critical in my

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career and some just in the last
few weeks where I played the negotiator role.

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But if I look at that question
and I think about it through the

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lens of leadership, I you know, as a leader, that ability to

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de escalate. It has been one
of one of the greatest gifts that I

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can bring to the table is you
know, especially in equality organization, things

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can get really exciting and people can
get really panicky, you know, to

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our patients impacted, do we have
to do some regulatory notification? So when

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you are the leader and your team
is starting to get a little worked up,

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you're the one who has to stay
calm, say, okay, that

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is that is good information. Maybe
it's not the best scenario, but let's

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get the data that we need in
order to make the decisions that we need

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to make, you know, and
that that is the calming force, And

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that was the you know, one
of the gifts. The other thing that

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that de escalation and negotiator role well
that I played in my childhood has come

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to me at work is also a
translator. So I can sit down and

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talk to people in the c suite, I can talk to individual contributors,

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and I can bridge a you know, pretty broad communication graph somebody who's very

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technically sound in someone who's maybe not, and make sure that everybody's walking out

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of the or walking out of the
room with the same message. So those

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are two things that you know,
although some of my lessons were painful and

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they you know, certainly you can
deploy them in the work setting. Mm

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hmm. I really want to encourage
all of our listeners to really consider that

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maybe gays at your navle a little
bit and consider your background like you've you've

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done in your book, and consider
what did I really learn that was unique,

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that that maybe distinguishes me. So
what you've just done there is given

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us all access to that for ourselves. So thank you for that lesson.

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It's the reason again I wanted to
have you on the show to showcase how

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we can really utilize our own life
experiences and story to make to distinguish ourselves

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and to showcase just what we do
so uniquely in the world. And that's

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certainly one of the things for you, it seems. Yeah, that's true.

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Another thing that I found really interesting
and that stood out for me in

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your story is you talk about that
you were often uprooted and kicked out by

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your various landlords as you continued this
commune life and went from place to place,

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So there was this constant state of
unrootedness, if you will. And

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I wondered if that was how you
developed your need for order and structure?

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Was it? So did that contribute
to that? Absolutely? And I think

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one of the things that I definitely
I still crave order and structure. But

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so the commune was the first,
you know, first six years of my

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life. And then my mom married
her third husband and we went to a

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very very strict, very formal setting. But with that setting where you know,

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dinners were at a certain time and
napkins were on your lap, and

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there was one picture of milk and
one picture of water and everything had to

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be just. So that also came
with consistent food, consistent shelter. You

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know, we had a room,
so so to speak, we had a

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place that was our own. And
because although that environment was a you know,

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my stepdad was a violent alcoholic,
it because it came with order and

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structure. I really gravitated towards that
environment, and you know, liked the

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order and structure. Even though it
came with some violence and drama, it

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was also came with you know,
consistent like that foundation of math, laws,

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hierarchy of needs. So because I
was you know, got that foundation

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built there, I was able to
really continue to gravitate towards or or instructure

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absolutely now now so today, as
a as as an executive and a businesswoman,

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how does your need for order and
structure direct your choices, decisions,

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your actions today? Well, it's
it's funny because it's everywhere, right,

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there's literally no place that I don't
sort of apply that lens. And one

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of the you know, one of
the things I can bring to the table

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is that you know, you know, either a broken system or in an

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efficient system, you know, both
both at home and at work. And

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I won't, you know, I
won't just struggle with a broken system.

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I will actually step back and recreate
an efficient system with least waste and you

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know, highly productive outcomes because it's
just the way I think, and I

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want it to be orderly, and
I do think it's those two components of

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you know, being comfortable with change
and being problem solving focused created that ability

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to say, Okay, I'm going
to create order of this chaos. Right,

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So very comfortable in chaos, but
my goal is to create order of

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whatever chaos might exist. And some
systems look great, but it's you know,

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but and a lot of people will
be handed some pile of work and

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they'll just grudge through it. They'll
just trudge through that pile and not actually

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step back and say, is there
an easier way I can get this done?

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Is there something that's more straightforward in
order to make sure this happens in

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a more timely way? Beautiful illustration, And I think that's such a great

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example of how what we endure and
get through in our childhood can really service

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well when we deliver it through the
work and the way that we live our

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lives. I think that's just a
great illustration of that hope. And it

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leads me to my next question.
In preparation for our conversation, I googled

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lessons from learning up and growing up
in a commune, and you know,

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I didn't find really any results.
So you're kind of unique at least about

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what's being reported. So I'm interested. You've mentioned a couple things, but

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what maybe a couple lessons from your
unconventional upbringing standout is contributing to your success

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in life? Well, and yeah, when I thought of this question,

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I also thought, well, you
know, not just my set of experiences,

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but any anybody who might have lived
on a commune. So I think

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there's two tenants that anybody who might
have lived in that scenario might have experienced.

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And number one is adaptability. You
know, you have to be you

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are. You don't know what's coming
next. You don't know what adult is

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going to be responsible for. You
don't know what condition they might be in

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while they're responsible for. You don't
know what kids will be there. You

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don't know where you're going to sleep, you don't know what you're going to

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eat, if you're going to eat, you don't you know, you don't

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know all clothes you're going to wear, So you have to be There's a

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level of comfort that comes with this
unknowing, and you have to be adaptable,

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right, you have to be comfortable
with change, or else you're really

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going to suffer. So I would
feel like that's you know, adaptability or

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comfort with Chane and just certainly a
core component of you know, the commune

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experience. And the second one I
would say is contribution. You know,

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there's something very powerful about you know, everybody having to contribute to the well

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being of the greater good. Right, you have to come to the table,

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you know, with your own you
know, strengths and skills and put

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those two use for the greater good
of the community, and you can do

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that at work, and you should
do that at work. Right, So

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those two things together when I think
about you know, doesn't matter what type

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of commune you might have lived on, say you lived on a religious culture,

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some other, some other type of
commune you have you have to be

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pretty adaptable, and you have to
be willing to contribute to a greater good.

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And you know, those I think
kind of capture an essence of anybody's

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commune experience. Also, it's truthfully, I've only met one or two other

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folks, so I'm not sure that
I've read a lot of other people's experiences.

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But I would feel like those two
pieces and those help you, and

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they translate to work quite nicely.
M M. Indeed, in fact,

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we've got along these lines. Somebody
from the chat room on online W four

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C why is asking would you ever
live that commune lifestyle? Again? Not

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that one, No, I would, so would I live and in a

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community based setting potentially there is something
very rewarding about it. I wouldn't definitely

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wouldn't be in a drug fueled sex
scene because you know, drugs alter your

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mind and your reality and ways that
are probably pretty unhealthy. But would I

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00:29:48.799 --> 00:29:52.880
live in a commune or a community
setting where people contribute to a greater good.

400
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I think there's real value in that. And I'll tell you a quick

401
00:29:56.200 --> 00:30:02.759
experience. I was at this writer's
conference earlier this year with these amazing women,

402
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and it was in these cabins in
the woods, and you know,

403
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it felt like a little bit of
a commune feel, where everybody was cooking,

404
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everybody was cleaning everybody, and it
was just no one was assigned anything,

405
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but you just, you know,
you just got up and started to

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do when something needed to get done. And there's something very rewarding of that.

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Mini hands make light work. I've
known of a couple of people here

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in Dallas who are when I met
them when I was doing some research.

409
00:30:30.799 --> 00:30:34.400
We're talking about gravitating to that very
kind of a community for the exact same

410
00:30:34.440 --> 00:30:38.000
set of reasons that you just outlined. So I do see the compelling piece

411
00:30:38.000 --> 00:30:41.160
of it. It's a love I
grew up in a small family, not

412
00:30:41.240 --> 00:30:45.039
small, four kids, but I'd
love to have the experience of what it

413
00:30:45.119 --> 00:30:47.839
was like to have like twelve kids
all in the kitchen, cleaning up and

414
00:30:47.920 --> 00:30:52.319
you know, eating together. It
would be amazing. Yeah, all right,

415
00:30:52.400 --> 00:30:55.039
let's grab our last break. I'm
Alice Cortez, your host. We

416
00:30:55.039 --> 00:30:57.119
were in the air with Hope Neeler. She's an author, inspirational speaker,

417
00:30:57.440 --> 00:31:02.720
executive, and active non for profit
volunteer. She's the author of Hopey From

418
00:31:02.960 --> 00:31:06.839
Commune to Corner Office. She joined
us today from Ringwood, Illinois. After

419
00:31:06.880 --> 00:31:08.240
the break, we're going to hear
more about some of our early upbringing that

420
00:31:08.319 --> 00:31:12.200
I think really stands out as unique
and makes her special stay with us.

421
00:31:12.200 --> 00:31:37.960
We'll be right back. Alise Cortes
is a speaker and engagement and development catalyst.

422
00:31:37.160 --> 00:31:42.400
She designs and delivers professional development,
leadership and engagement workshops and can bring

423
00:31:42.440 --> 00:31:48.559
her expertise to your organization. She
will help ignite meaningful development within your workforce

424
00:31:48.640 --> 00:31:52.359
that will increase employee engagement, performance
and retention. To learn more or to

425
00:31:52.440 --> 00:31:59.119
invite Elise to speak to your organization, please visit her at www dot Elisecortes

426
00:31:59.160 --> 00:32:02.920
dot com. She would welcome the
opportunity to help get your employees working on

427
00:32:04.000 --> 00:32:14.119
purpose. This is working on purpose
with Elise Cortes. To reach our program

428
00:32:14.160 --> 00:32:20.839
today, send an email to a
lease Alic at a Lascortes dot com now

429
00:32:21.319 --> 00:32:25.359
back to working on Purpose. Thanks
for staying with us, and welcome back

430
00:32:25.359 --> 00:32:29.480
to working on Purpose if you're just
tuning in. My guest is Hope Mueler.

431
00:32:29.519 --> 00:32:32.039
She's an author, inspirational speaker,
executive, and active non for profit

432
00:32:32.119 --> 00:32:37.519
volunteer. She's the author of Hopey
From Commune to Corner Office. With her

433
00:32:37.559 --> 00:32:40.599
early years marked by the experiences on
a hippie commune, Hope's unique childhood shaped

434
00:32:40.640 --> 00:32:45.039
her approach and interaction with the world
with the gift of creating order out of

435
00:32:45.079 --> 00:32:49.480
chaos and turning vision into reality.
I'm your host, Atlis Cortes, So

436
00:32:49.519 --> 00:32:52.119
for this last segment, I hope
there's a couple of things in particular about

437
00:32:52.119 --> 00:32:53.720
your book that I really want to
call out for our listeners because they really

438
00:32:54.119 --> 00:33:00.519
stand out to me as maybe unusual
molding blocks in your past. The first

439
00:33:00.519 --> 00:33:04.759
that I want to talk about is
there's a bit of an undercurrent in your

440
00:33:04.759 --> 00:33:08.319
book of I don't Fit, and
I can see how that would probably be

441
00:33:08.400 --> 00:33:12.920
when you encounter other folks that didn't
have your experience, and so I'm interested

442
00:33:12.920 --> 00:33:15.799
in how this idea of I don't
fit maybe manifest in your life and your

443
00:33:15.880 --> 00:33:24.440
choices. Another really great question.
You know, part of it comes through

444
00:33:24.480 --> 00:33:29.119
and even in the book, it
comes through that way because there are times

445
00:33:29.160 --> 00:33:32.480
when I'm sitting in a conference room, you know, with with the different

446
00:33:32.519 --> 00:33:37.319
executives, and I look around and
I think, what how did I get

447
00:33:37.319 --> 00:33:44.440
here right now? You know these, you know, especially sometimes I'm in

448
00:33:44.720 --> 00:33:46.200
you know, I'm in a quality
role and my job is to make sure

449
00:33:46.240 --> 00:33:52.079
everyone's following the rules. And I
like rules, what are those? So

450
00:33:52.799 --> 00:33:58.480
I think to some extent that that
theme definitely, you know, runs through

451
00:33:58.759 --> 00:34:01.680
many things. And when I really
when I really struggle with that question,

452
00:34:01.799 --> 00:34:07.639
I really think about it. One
of the things one of my approaches during

453
00:34:07.800 --> 00:34:15.239
I developed during childhood and the constant
moving was what I what I called a

454
00:34:15.280 --> 00:34:21.880
fast friends of approach. But what
it really is is mirroring. So because

455
00:34:21.960 --> 00:34:28.159
I had to make you know,
relationships quickly or you know, try and

456
00:34:28.199 --> 00:34:31.800
fit in quickly what I did and
what I do. And again I'm still

457
00:34:31.880 --> 00:34:37.679
learning how to scale this back a
little bit in my mid forties. Is

458
00:34:37.199 --> 00:34:44.360
I mirror the people I'm interacting with, so you know, I'll you know,

459
00:34:44.519 --> 00:34:47.800
take on their mannerisms, I'll you
know, take on their vernacular.

460
00:34:49.239 --> 00:34:54.079
Maybe the way they're you know,
standing and their clothing. So I would

461
00:34:54.159 --> 00:35:00.760
quickly sort of mirror other people around
me as a child in order to fit

462
00:35:00.800 --> 00:35:07.519
in quickly. And that's ma manifested
myself in my with my for myself in

463
00:35:07.559 --> 00:35:12.039
my workplace, where I have gotten
myself in trouble a few times, where

464
00:35:12.039 --> 00:35:17.079
I've gotten really close to people and
they think we are much closer than I

465
00:35:17.159 --> 00:35:22.559
think, right, So I am
just a reflection of what I'm seeing of

466
00:35:22.599 --> 00:35:25.079
them, and I find myself in
this, you know, in a deep

467
00:35:25.599 --> 00:35:30.400
connection with somebody that that I then
have to spend some time sort of backing

468
00:35:30.440 --> 00:35:36.119
out of. And then when you
go back to some of your original thoughts

469
00:35:36.199 --> 00:35:40.280
and themes around identity, that that
really makes you, you know, sort

470
00:35:40.280 --> 00:35:47.920
of say, hmmm, what is
my identity? I've spent a lifetime mirroring

471
00:35:47.960 --> 00:35:52.800
other people and giving them what they
want and making them feel happy and making

472
00:35:52.840 --> 00:35:59.559
them feel satisfied, and not doing
those things for myself, right, Because

473
00:35:59.599 --> 00:36:04.840
in this effort to fit in,
I'm fitting in with the person I'm interacting

474
00:36:04.840 --> 00:36:08.119
with or the environment I'm interacting with, which it can be very successful and

475
00:36:08.159 --> 00:36:13.599
it can be you know, it's
a very good way to approach different situations,

476
00:36:13.880 --> 00:36:16.280
but it can be used, you
know, to an extreme a little

477
00:36:16.320 --> 00:36:21.559
bit. And then when you're in
your late twenties in your early thirties and

478
00:36:21.599 --> 00:36:25.960
you think, well, who am
I and what do I want? And

479
00:36:27.760 --> 00:36:30.559
you really then start to say,
Okay, I have to start drawing boundaries

480
00:36:30.599 --> 00:36:37.639
around who I am and what I'm
interested in and not just take on everybody

481
00:36:37.639 --> 00:36:45.039
else's wants and means and reflecting what
I think they want from me. Wow,

482
00:36:45.079 --> 00:36:47.400
there's a lot in that, just
a lot in that, and I

483
00:36:47.440 --> 00:36:50.960
can unpack that for quite some time. But there's a couple more things that

484
00:36:51.000 --> 00:36:53.800
I really want to get to if
we can. One is I think it's

485
00:36:53.880 --> 00:36:59.760
just entirely profound hope that you lived
on your own, starting at the age

486
00:36:59.760 --> 00:37:04.880
of fifteen with a friend after making
a proposal to her parents during the property

487
00:37:04.880 --> 00:37:07.119
that they owned. I think that
one. It's amazing that at such a

488
00:37:07.119 --> 00:37:09.559
young age that you were able to
do that, And it's also shocking to

489
00:37:09.599 --> 00:37:14.159
me that you didn't get any pushback. Maybe you did from her parents or

490
00:37:14.199 --> 00:37:17.320
your mom. Say a little bit
about I mean, how this came to

491
00:37:17.360 --> 00:37:22.480
be and just what made you decide
and compelled you to live you had a

492
00:37:22.559 --> 00:37:27.239
job, you were in high school, you supported yourself. How did this

493
00:37:27.320 --> 00:37:30.599
come to be? Yeah, it's
funny. I mean I now have a

494
00:37:30.679 --> 00:37:32.840
nineteen and twenty five year old,
and I also have two younger children at

495
00:37:32.880 --> 00:37:36.280
eight and eleven, and I look
at them and I think, no way

496
00:37:36.320 --> 00:37:39.639
would I let them move out at
fifteen. And I can't really imagine that.

497
00:37:40.960 --> 00:37:45.760
We didn't get much pushbacker. I
didn't get much push back from my

498
00:37:45.880 --> 00:37:52.559
mom. She was in a pretty
heavy alcohol phase at that time and struggling

499
00:37:52.599 --> 00:37:57.760
with her own addictions, and so
she had moved out when she was sixteen.

500
00:37:57.960 --> 00:38:01.360
My sister had moved out when she
was sixteen, so the age didn't

501
00:38:01.360 --> 00:38:07.000
seem like a massive component for her. She had one role, and that

502
00:38:07.159 --> 00:38:10.440
was my grades couldn't fall. And
I was, you know, happily,

503
00:38:10.840 --> 00:38:17.559
merrily on my way. My roommate
parents were much more aghast, and we

504
00:38:17.599 --> 00:38:21.199
had to do a lot more work
convincing them, but we did. And

505
00:38:21.280 --> 00:38:24.199
we went to work, or we
went to school every day, and then

506
00:38:24.400 --> 00:38:30.119
we walked to Kentucky Fried Chicken and
worked, you know, forty hours a

507
00:38:30.159 --> 00:38:32.840
week, and we paid our rent
and we bought our groceries, and we

508
00:38:32.880 --> 00:38:38.440
walked everywhere because we didn't even have
driver's license yet, and we just did

509
00:38:38.480 --> 00:38:42.199
it. And quite honestly, I
think there was a little bit of,

510
00:38:43.199 --> 00:38:45.599
you know, I wanted to create
an order for myself. I wanted to

511
00:38:45.599 --> 00:38:51.039
create some control around my own life. I started very consciously, at least

512
00:38:51.039 --> 00:38:54.719
I can remember it at ten where
I wanted. I wanted control and order,

513
00:38:55.039 --> 00:38:58.800
and so my room would always be
clean, my bed would always be

514
00:38:58.880 --> 00:39:01.599
made, I would color code my
clothes in the closet, and eventually I

515
00:39:01.639 --> 00:39:06.239
would start, you know, I
would take days off of school in middle

516
00:39:06.239 --> 00:39:09.280
school and high school to just clean
the house. And a little bit of

517
00:39:09.320 --> 00:39:14.280
it was, hey, I can
create, you know, a safe place

518
00:39:14.320 --> 00:39:20.199
for me to live. And that's
what we went off and did. It's

519
00:39:20.280 --> 00:39:22.440
really remarkable. I mean I was
I had a lot of responsibility too when

520
00:39:22.440 --> 00:39:27.039
I was that age, because I
worked for my parents and they're very,

521
00:39:27.119 --> 00:39:30.440
very busy, full service restaurant and
bar reveris lunch and dinner. But I

522
00:39:30.519 --> 00:39:34.840
most certainly had a roof provided to
me over my head, and you know,

523
00:39:34.880 --> 00:39:37.119
some of the meals were provided.
I wasn't paying anybody rent. But

524
00:39:37.239 --> 00:39:43.360
it really seems to me that you're
that part of your experience indicates an incredible

525
00:39:43.360 --> 00:39:47.960
amount of resourcefulness and responsibility. Does
that manifest itself in your life today?

526
00:39:51.320 --> 00:39:54.280
Yeah, I mean certainly, I
you know, especially in the leadership roles,

527
00:39:54.320 --> 00:40:01.960
certainly as a parent. And as
I've aged and continued to be successful

528
00:40:02.000 --> 00:40:07.599
in my professional career, I have, you know, spread my reaches into

529
00:40:08.119 --> 00:40:14.440
non for profit activities and how can
we give back, how can we you

530
00:40:14.480 --> 00:40:17.880
know, make a difference in the
broader community, and and really it's that

531
00:40:19.119 --> 00:40:22.159
take care of people? How can
you take care of people right? How

532
00:40:22.159 --> 00:40:27.000
can you create those spaces for them? And that's the charity that we're launching

533
00:40:27.039 --> 00:40:30.679
this year. The paperwork is submitted
and hopefully IRS will you know, come

534
00:40:30.719 --> 00:40:37.760
back with us with a number soon. But that's really what it is is

535
00:40:37.800 --> 00:40:42.119
to help families and children and critical
times during those lives their lives. And

536
00:40:42.159 --> 00:40:47.000
so absolutely it shows up in every
facet of my life, you know,

537
00:40:47.079 --> 00:40:52.519
and the work that I do with
organizations, which is which is fueled and

538
00:40:52.800 --> 00:40:57.360
colored by what I know of Loco
therapy and Vitu Frankels, who work around

539
00:40:57.360 --> 00:41:01.280
existential psychology. A couple of major
themes in there that he really espouses.

540
00:41:01.360 --> 00:41:07.239
Our responsibility and freedom freedom to choose
again, freedom to choose how we're going

541
00:41:07.239 --> 00:41:13.880
to behave and our attitude and things, and just your experience just so smacks

542
00:41:13.920 --> 00:41:15.960
of how when you really do assume
those two things in life, especially at

543
00:41:15.960 --> 00:41:21.440
a young age, and own them, how well they can serve you.

544
00:41:22.000 --> 00:41:27.840
Yeah, I mean I those are
foundational, right you are? And then

545
00:41:27.880 --> 00:41:30.880
I would say that is also a
gift from my childhood. You know,

546
00:41:30.000 --> 00:41:37.360
you you were expected to contribute,
and you were and you were given massive

547
00:41:37.400 --> 00:41:40.039
amounts of freedom. I was given
massive amounts of freedom, but I also

548
00:41:40.119 --> 00:41:45.320
knew that whatever the consequences were,
I would experience those, right. Mom

549
00:41:45.760 --> 00:41:47.480
always said in that, you know, back to when I moved out when

550
00:41:47.480 --> 00:41:51.239
I was fifteen, she said,
yeah you can, you can go.

551
00:41:51.639 --> 00:41:53.760
I literally had no rules, right
I had, And this was even before

552
00:41:53.800 --> 00:41:58.039
I moved out. I didn't There
was I could cuss, I could smoke,

553
00:41:58.119 --> 00:42:01.480
I could drink, I could there
was no curve you. My one

554
00:42:01.599 --> 00:42:05.119
role was that I had to do
well in school. I had to you

555
00:42:05.119 --> 00:42:08.880
know, continue to get good grades. But I was fully responsible for my

556
00:42:08.960 --> 00:42:15.719
own well being and any consequences that
came with it. So certainly that responsibility

557
00:42:15.760 --> 00:42:21.039
and the freedom are those two pieces
that I did really experience. I do

558
00:42:21.119 --> 00:42:24.639
think in my view that we could
do a little more to inculcate that in

559
00:42:24.679 --> 00:42:30.480
today's society, especially if anybody is
offended by this, and I apologize,

560
00:42:30.480 --> 00:42:34.920
But the helicopter parent sort of thing
that we have going on today, I

561
00:42:34.960 --> 00:42:38.000
don't think it serves our kids well. And you know, some kind of

562
00:42:38.039 --> 00:42:40.880
a mix between that and what you
grew up with seems like it might be

563
00:42:42.039 --> 00:42:46.679
a really nice balance. And you
know, I think giving kids responsibility and

564
00:42:46.960 --> 00:42:52.920
letting them grow into how that empowers
them and develop self esteem and confidence is

565
00:42:53.079 --> 00:42:59.159
really an important start to life.
Absolutely, and all four of my daughters

566
00:42:59.159 --> 00:43:06.000
would tell you that certainly be not
a helicopter parent. They are expected to

567
00:43:06.159 --> 00:43:08.800
manage themselves in many ways, you
know, the first age appropriate ways.

568
00:43:09.440 --> 00:43:14.440
But they hear this all the time, and they would tell you this today

569
00:43:14.519 --> 00:43:17.400
that I say to them all the
time, we'll figure it out, right.

570
00:43:17.440 --> 00:43:21.840
I'm not here to come and solve
your problems. I'm not here to

571
00:43:22.519 --> 00:43:25.440
entertain you. You know you have
you know, you have an issue that

572
00:43:25.480 --> 00:43:30.559
you need, and it's an issue
that I think that they can and should

573
00:43:30.599 --> 00:43:32.320
manage on their own or say this
is them all the time to figure it

574
00:43:32.280 --> 00:43:37.440
out. It is empowering. Yeah, and I think I think that's really

575
00:43:37.440 --> 00:43:42.599
good for for for kids and for
people, and and clearly I think this

576
00:43:42.719 --> 00:43:45.880
shows up I think just looking at
how you ended up in your I'm not

577
00:43:45.920 --> 00:43:49.840
sure exactly what the session was called, hope, but you talk in your

578
00:43:49.840 --> 00:43:52.960
book about what that first session of
being I think you're maybe doing some college

579
00:43:53.039 --> 00:43:57.679
testing first. I think it's amazing
that you even knew your way and found

580
00:43:57.679 --> 00:44:00.480
your way into go to college,
given you know how you grew up.

581
00:44:00.360 --> 00:44:05.039
You have a degree in biology.
But you talk about this, you know,

582
00:44:05.119 --> 00:44:07.239
this scene where you're going in for
testing and you're the only kid and

583
00:44:07.280 --> 00:44:10.480
the whole thing that hasn't didn't bring
their parent with them, and you kind

584
00:44:10.480 --> 00:44:13.679
of she piously call your mom and
say, mom, you know, do

585
00:44:13.719 --> 00:44:15.400
you want to come to this thing? Do you do? You think you

586
00:44:15.400 --> 00:44:20.199
guys figure out that it's okay,
I got this, but but I'm amazed.

587
00:44:20.360 --> 00:44:22.920
Help us understand just a little bit
how it was that you just knew

588
00:44:23.199 --> 00:44:28.360
to go to college and go off
and become a professional and given your your

589
00:44:28.519 --> 00:44:31.360
upbringing, you know, so it's
funny and I probably don't touch on it

590
00:44:31.400 --> 00:44:37.079
a ton in the commune, so
they this was in a college town,

591
00:44:37.199 --> 00:44:40.519
so all almost all of the adults
that were in the commune were either in

592
00:44:40.559 --> 00:44:45.679
college or they were getting their masters
or their PhDs. So I would,

593
00:44:45.960 --> 00:44:51.400
you know, surrounded with highly intellectual
people, the expectation to go to college

594
00:44:51.440 --> 00:44:55.039
was just there. And you know, for example, Mom's third husband was

595
00:44:55.079 --> 00:45:00.639
a you know, world renowned physicist, so you know, hi level of

596
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:07.679
intellectualism, intelligence and the expectation of
those beame with it. And I would

597
00:45:07.679 --> 00:45:12.199
say in my young life, you
know, my elementary years, my grades

598
00:45:12.199 --> 00:45:16.440
were mediocre at best, but I
did test very high on standard test.

599
00:45:16.679 --> 00:45:21.760
But you know, come to middle
school and I got straight a's. And

600
00:45:21.840 --> 00:45:25.719
the moment you get straight a's in
your parents too, Okay, that's apectation.

601
00:45:28.400 --> 00:45:30.800
I mean you're breaking up there again, Hope, But I heard you

602
00:45:30.840 --> 00:45:31.960
say that. You know that when
you got straight US and I know you

603
00:45:32.000 --> 00:45:37.119
were in the on the honors group
as well, the honors program. Yep.

604
00:45:37.239 --> 00:45:39.920
So it's just the moment you do
well, then that becomes the expectation.

605
00:45:40.079 --> 00:45:45.000
And literally, you know, it
was. It's funny in retrospect,

606
00:45:45.079 --> 00:45:50.079
like you talk about helicopter parents are
people who a lot of parents help their

607
00:45:50.159 --> 00:45:53.719
kids fill out their applications and you
know, go to college visits. And

608
00:45:54.519 --> 00:45:58.519
you know, I didn't fill out
applications for my kids, but I did

609
00:45:58.519 --> 00:46:00.920
take them on college visits. And
honestly, it's hard for me to even

610
00:46:00.960 --> 00:46:07.280
figure out how I made that happen
now, but I went and certainly you

611
00:46:07.320 --> 00:46:10.119
can't do it online. So you
you know, you go and find find

612
00:46:10.199 --> 00:46:15.079
some research, you fill out an
application and veil it in. So,

613
00:46:15.679 --> 00:46:20.199
you know, there was just an
expectation, and honestly, there was also

614
00:46:20.280 --> 00:46:27.880
a lot of dry. There was
a lot of what dry? What did

615
00:46:27.920 --> 00:46:31.280
you say? There was a lot
of drive to improve myself, drive to

616
00:46:31.320 --> 00:46:37.559
improve. Okay, I wasn't going
to live the way we lived, and

617
00:46:37.639 --> 00:46:40.400
I knew a way out was to
make sure I had my college degree.

618
00:46:40.880 --> 00:46:45.599
Mm hmm. And why I study
biology? Of all the things that you

619
00:46:45.679 --> 00:46:49.760
could study, what was it about
biology that called you? Well? It

620
00:46:49.840 --> 00:46:53.239
was honestly, you know, I
had planned to be a doctor, and

621
00:46:53.239 --> 00:46:57.840
that you know, I literally as
a child it was a neurosurgeon or a

622
00:46:57.840 --> 00:47:02.639
pediatrician or some sort of doctor.
And you're you know, then you would

623
00:47:02.639 --> 00:47:06.719
get your undergrad in a Bachelor of
science and biology, which I have,

624
00:47:07.559 --> 00:47:13.000
but I did have my eldest daughter
when I was a sophomore in college and

625
00:47:13.119 --> 00:47:15.960
about halfway through, I thought I've
got to go to work and make the

626
00:47:17.880 --> 00:47:22.920
well for another six years. So
I had to change directions and I ended

627
00:47:22.960 --> 00:47:27.679
up in the pharmaceutical industry, which
has you know, been, you know,

628
00:47:27.800 --> 00:47:31.559
been a really great success story.
Indeed it has, which is how

629
00:47:31.599 --> 00:47:37.239
it was that we crossed paths at
a pharmaceutical conference. So right here we

630
00:47:37.280 --> 00:47:40.119
are at the end already, hope. So you know that this show is

631
00:47:40.159 --> 00:47:44.199
being listened to by listeners all over
the globe, and it's really designed for

632
00:47:44.199 --> 00:47:47.599
people to help them gain access to
meeting and purpose in their lives and their

633
00:47:47.599 --> 00:47:51.280
work, and for leaders to be
able to help develop that in the workplace.

634
00:47:51.800 --> 00:47:57.000
Given that, what would you like
to leave our listeners with? I

635
00:47:57.000 --> 00:48:00.960
would you know the same thing that
we started with, that no matter where

636
00:48:00.039 --> 00:48:07.480
you are, no matter where you
got started, or you know some pain

637
00:48:07.599 --> 00:48:12.440
you might be in today, you
know you can move beyond that. You

638
00:48:12.440 --> 00:48:16.320
can go off and do amazing things. You know you can connect with people,

639
00:48:16.840 --> 00:48:22.559
surround yourself with people who love you, who will support you, and

640
00:48:22.599 --> 00:48:25.559
who believe in you, and if
you don't have that foundation, create it

641
00:48:25.599 --> 00:48:30.960
for yourself and let go of the
folks who are not supportive and go off

642
00:48:31.119 --> 00:48:35.559
and do amazing things. And go
off and do all of the things that

643
00:48:35.639 --> 00:48:39.840
you dreamed you can do because they
can happen and they are happening. And

644
00:48:40.400 --> 00:48:44.719
you know, that's what I would
just love for everybody to walk away with

645
00:48:44.920 --> 00:48:50.199
was to feel inspired. And anybody
who wants to connect with me the same

646
00:48:50.280 --> 00:48:52.719
thing, you are welcome to email
me at Hope, you know, at

647
00:48:52.800 --> 00:48:58.639
Hope or at hopey dot net.
And you know, this is similar to

648
00:48:58.760 --> 00:49:00.400
what Alisa is saying. You know, if you think I can help you

649
00:49:00.480 --> 00:49:05.440
in some way, you know,
connect go to the website and let's see

650
00:49:05.480 --> 00:49:08.920
what we you know, how we
can work together. Thank you so much

651
00:49:08.960 --> 00:49:13.000
for joining me Hope and for coming
into my world and letting me share you

652
00:49:13.119 --> 00:49:15.679
with my listeners. I really appreciate
this. Thank you. Thank you so

653
00:49:15.840 --> 00:49:20.599
much to Leith and listeners. If
you want to learn more about Hopemeeler and

654
00:49:20.760 --> 00:49:22.960
or her book, visit her website. She alluded to it it's hope ye

655
00:49:23.159 --> 00:49:29.000
dot net. So it's h O
p e y dot net. Last week

656
00:49:29.039 --> 00:49:31.320
if you missed the live show,
you can always catch it via recorded podcast.

657
00:49:31.400 --> 00:49:36.159
We were on the air with Crystal
don Gerrell, whose superpower is capturing

658
00:49:36.199 --> 00:49:40.519
precious memories, providing expert wedding photography, and compelling personal brand photography. She's

659
00:49:40.559 --> 00:49:44.440
also a colleague and partner of mine
and also took all the photos on my

660
00:49:44.480 --> 00:49:46.559
own website at leastcortest dot com.
She give you some idea of her own

661
00:49:46.599 --> 00:49:52.559
work. Next week, we'll be
on the show with an Austin professional who

662
00:49:52.599 --> 00:49:55.079
I'm still scouting for. To enjoy
something fresh while on the road, I'll

663
00:49:55.079 --> 00:50:00.239
be in Austin to conduct a women's
storytelling evening on August seventh, and then

664
00:50:00.239 --> 00:50:04.239
speak at the Texas Network of Youth
Services Annual Conference on Thursday of the eighth.

665
00:50:04.599 --> 00:50:07.360
So see you there on the air
as we generate something new and fresh.

666
00:50:07.639 --> 00:50:09.159
Remember that work is at least one
third of our life, so let's

667
00:50:09.159 --> 00:50:16.320
work on purpose. We hope you've
enjoyed this week's program. Be sure to

668
00:50:16.360 --> 00:50:22.559
tune in to Working on Purpose featuring
your host Alis Cortes, each week on

669
00:50:22.639 --> 00:50:28.440
the Voice America Empowerment Channel. This
week, find your life's purpose at work