The Emotion Decoder: Activating the Power of ALL Emotions to Fuel Relationships and Performance

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FORCY Radio. What's working on Purpose? Anyway? Each week we ponder the

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world we all want working on Purpose. Now, here's your host, Doctor

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Release Cortez. Welcome back to the
Working Purpose Program. Thanks for tuning again

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this week. Great to have you. I'm your host, Doctor Elias Quartes

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joining your life from Dallas, which
is home base for me. If we've

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not met yet and you don't nail
me, I'm a management consultant, organizational

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logo therapist, speaker and author.
My team and I at a Last.

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Quartz and Associates help companies to enliven
their operations by articulating their purpose and building

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inspirational leaders and cultures activelyed by meeting
and purpose to turn those companies from a

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flatline EKG to a vibrant workplace.
There, people are intrinsically motivated to perform

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at their best, grow into their
full potential, and are committed to stay

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and help deliver on a company's mission. You can learn more about us and

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how we can work together at Elis
Quartez dot com. Now for today's program

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with us today is Charles Jones,
known as the Emotion Decoder, is the

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author of Emotional Intelligence for Stress Free
Leadership, Turn emotional pain into performance gain

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with the Tenor Method. We'll be
talking about his perspective on how our current

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understanding of emotions is outdated, his
own theory of the role potential of emotions,

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and the Tenor method he developed to
help us understand and best draw from

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our emotions. He joined it today
from Boulder, Colorado. Charles, Welcome

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to Working on Purpose. Thank you
all, LEAs. I'm happy to be

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here. I'm happy that I joined
you for one of your webinars and I

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learned about your work, and he
knows since I am I'm a social scientist,

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and I very much care about advancing
the conversation on how do we create

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those workplaces where we can really become
our best. To me, the work

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that you're doing on emotional intelligence is
pivotal. Charles. I'm very happy to

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have you on. Thank you.
And I also want to just showcase this

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beautiful book that you've written. It's
just it's gorgeous, it's tight, it's

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got this jam packed with all kinds
of things. Emotional intelligence for stress free

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leadership, fantastic. So as we
get into this first segment here, I

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want to first just call out something
that you did that nobody to date has

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ever done. You went and you
looked through my latest book, The Great

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Revitalization, was just came out in
March, so I have I have through

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their books before that, but you
took it upon yourself to actually go through

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the concepts of that book. And
kind of highlight how a few of them

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cross over and make for a nice
conversation for your topic. And I want

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to just call that out first.
It's brilliant, and I really appreciate that.

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It's it's dynamic, it's creative and
yummy. There's another great technical word

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to call it, I would ask. I would add respectful and consider it.

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I would add those very those very
delightful terms. Yes. Well,

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so what I want to do is
I want to call it just a couple

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of things that you put in your
notes here for that, and we'll start

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the conversation there. But you you
wrote back to me when we were prepping

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for this, you said that,
in looking at my book, that I

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point out that knowledge is accumulating quickly, and it behooves us to make a

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practice of updating our assumptions about the
world and the strategies we use to get

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things done. You say, I
would add that since painful emotions are indicative

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of problems, that is needs we
are not yet on tract to fulfill,

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every painful emotion is an opportunity to
date our worldview and our way of being

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and serving completely agree with that.
Do you want to addle something more to

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that, sure. Sure. So
the big one of the big discoveries I

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think I've made in my career is
this idea that emotions are status reports,

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if you will, progress reports,
if you will, from our subconscious as

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to what needs of ours we are
on tract to fulfill and what needs we're

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not on tract to fulfill. And
these needs, these psychological needs that generate

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our emotions. There are things like
achieving goals, mitigating risks, protecting assets,

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asserting rights. They represent our humanity
and when a painful emotion arises,

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it's a call to our conscious mind
to say, hey, down here in

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the engine room, I need a
little bit of help. We're not attract

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to fulfill some need of ours.
And that's why I say that problems needs

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were not on track to fulfill,
and painful emotions alert us to the existence

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of problems. And when I say
us, I'm really referring to our conscious

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mind, this extraordinary capacity that human
beings have to reflect on their own cognition

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and make adjustments to it. And
in this world we live in today,

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where things are changing as quickly as
they are, that many of the beliefs

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and strategies we have that are driving
our perception and behavior quickly become out of

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date, and so every time of
painful emotion arises, it's an opportunity to

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check in with ourselves, examine that
subconscious programming may change us to it,

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and in that way we continue to
be the most adaptive species on the planet.

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Okay, so Charles, that was
already worth the price of admission right

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there. That was studyingly beautiful.
And again, sorry, I'm going to

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cough to something. Let me qui
quickly because I got a cough. Excuse

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me. You're alive and well with
paulin here in Dallas. Thank you very

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much. Welcome spring. If they
don't mind, I want to go back

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to what you were saying there.
I've never heard anybody say this so crisply

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that you said that. I haits. Writing emotions are reports of our progress

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from our subconscious on our goals,
our needs, on our needs. Is

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that what you said, yes,
And of course one of our goals is

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to one of our needs is to
fulfill that we try to fulfill is to

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achieve the goals we've set for ourselves. So that's one of the subconscious needs

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that people are probably the most familiar
with and frustration is the emotion that arises

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when we are not on track to
achieve a goal. I think also it's

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really a learning what you just did
there, where you really helped us understand

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that we must continually upgrade the way
that we perceive and interact with the world,

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keep up to keep pace with just
how fast it's evolving. And I

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think that's critical. And if we're
relying on ideas and theories that we that

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were developed even ten years ago,
let alone twenty or thirty, were severely

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working at a disadvantage. Absolutely,
and I think you've got even further back

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in your life and many of the
beliefs and strategies that human beings as adults

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embody were forged when they were children, and not only has the world changed,

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but their capacity to cognize the world
has changed substantially since then. Right.

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Yeah, something else that you said
that I thought was really important,

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as you talk about since people who
listen to the show now, I'm a

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logo therapist, so that really looks
at has meaning as our chief concern and

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our chief source of energy. I
like how you also said in your notes

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to me that mental health and well
being are at the intersection of logotherapy and

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what you call emotional responsibility. Do
you say more about that? Sure?

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Sure, so logotherapy, which you
are the expert on and I am not.

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But my understanding of it is we
are meaning making creatures right, right,

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And what gets us out of bed
in the morning is things that are

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meaningful to us. And what is
meaningful to us, And what's meaningful to

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us can be anything as simple as
fulfilling the need of ours like having a

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good meal, to something as abstract
as leaving a legacy and leaving the world

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a better place than the one we
arrive to in some particular fashion. And

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so these narratives we have in which
we construct meaning in the world and ultimately

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our place in it, those narratives, I believe are stored in the subconscious

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programming that goes into each of our
needs. You know, we all have

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a need to live what we consider
to be a good life. But the

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narratives on what the good life is
are varied and have changed over time,

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right, And so until we can
become an observer of what those stories are,

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we can't be in choice about how
we might want to modify those stories

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to adjust to the situations we find
ourselves. The changes that are happening in

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the world and our own evolution development
as a human being. I would add

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one more nuance there, Ah Charles, and this is I knew this was

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going to be a lovely, nice, crunchy conversation with regard to the idea

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of you know, what's a meaningful
life or what's worthwhile life or whatever.

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Of course, that's an incredibly individual
because meaning is registered along our values,

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and what you value is probably different
than what I value. And so where

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that gets interesting is and how to
separate what society says is a good life

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from what we end individuals say is
a good life. So I've chosen a

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very different journey than a lot of
other people in my sphere because I value

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different things, and so that's important
to point out that it is in a

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one size fits all kind of thing. It's very individualized. So well,

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yes, and we are inherently social
beings with an extremely high need for belonging.

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Yes, you know, And one
of the motions I've studied the most

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is shame, and shame really appears
in this intersection. So the psychological need

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behind shame is the need to personify
ideals. And we're on track to personify

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those ideals. We feel proud of
ourselves, and when we're not on track,

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we feel ashamed. And those ideals
that we grow up with are typically

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going to be forged by what our
caregivers approved and disapproved, gave us love

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and withheld love in response too,
right, And we're largely as young children

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at the effect of that. We
need to belong, We need to maintain

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that connection to our caregivers, We
need to attach. And then we grow

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up and we go to school and
we have our peers and everything else,

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and then at some point, I
think for most people it is probably around

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thirty five, it's like, Okay, that's been true up until now,

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But what ideals am I going to
choose to personify for the rest of my

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life? And those ideals are much
more likely to be based on what's unique

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about me, yes, rather than
trying to personify some kind of specialness that

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society says, right, there can
only be so many jocks and brains and

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cool kids and everything else. But
this notion that you could kind of forge

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a set of ideals that you then
seek to personify. That's ground did in

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your uniqueness and the way in which
that uniqueness is a contribute to the world.

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Your contribution to the world. Doctor
s Kaplan, who was on the

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show early, would classify that in
some ways is he calls he looks at

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it the little lens of experiential intelligence, which gives us a unique lens on

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the world through which we can contribute
and see something that maybe no one else

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can. So I just really speak
to the uniqueness you're talking about. So

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listeners and viewers, you can clearly
see here that Charles has got a very

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deep acumen in this subject matter.
So now I think it makes sense,

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now that we've got your attention,
that this is a whole new frontier.

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Now it makes sense. I think, Charles, if you could tell us

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where this whole idea came from,
your where your your interest in this subject

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matter came from. It's really quite
varied interesting if you could just give us

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the brief overview of that. Sure, sure, Well, what I call

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this body of work I've developed called
emotional responsibility has multiple sources. I think

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it really begins with I grew up
my father, who I very much admired,

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was a scientist and an engineer,
and I was fascinated by evolution,

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particularly hominated evolution and particularly our capacity
for adaptation. You know, human beings

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have pushed into can live in any
ecosystem on the world, and submarines underneath

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the ocean, you know, out
in space were extraordinary adaptable creatures and that

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fascinated me. But what also fascinated
me and this really became a concern to

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me in the last year of high
school the first couple of years of college,

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was that despite this capacity we have
as human beings to reflect on our

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own cognition and adjust it and continually
upgraded. We often find ourselves. I

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often find myself, the people around
me often find myself, and a very

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large scale, I see humanity persisting
in beliefs and behaviors that do not serve

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us when a moment of metacognition would
have us take a mental step back.

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Think about what we're doing when needs
are trying to fulfill and change our beliefs

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or strategies in order to be more
effective in the world. And why is

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it that we don't always do that? We do that a lot, and

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yet there's these times that we don't
seem to do it, Like what is

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it that trips us up? And
so I this inquiry, this search for

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the root cause analysis of what I
would call humanity's adaptive deficit disorder. This

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root cause analysis caused me to study
Western psychology, Eastern mysticism, mythology,

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pretty much any philosophy that was kind
of out there, as well as cognitive

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science and behavioral science and anthropology,
etc. Etc. It just sent me

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into all these directions, and I
had a suspicion, perhaps based on some

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of my own kind of personal trauma
from childhood, actually that emotions were involved.

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And my initial thought not so different
than maybe the mainstream view of emotional

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intelligence, is that so called negative
emotions like fear and anxiety and anger and

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stuff, that's what's tripping us up. And then I made a huge breakthrough,

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which is actually, emotions drive human
development. They are what make us

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adaptive. What gets in the way
is a widespread misunderstanding, misinterpretation, this

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belief that our emotions are being caused
by what's happening out there in the world.

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You ask a co worker for some
data that you need in order to

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complete a report that's due tomorrow.
The coworker says, sorry, too busy,

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can't get it to you. Suddenly
you're frustrated and you attribute your frustration

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to what that person, the fact
your coworker won't cooperate with you, or

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someone says something offensive or violates a
right of yours and it's like you made

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me angry. So this widespread attribution
error, this belief that our emotions are

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being caused by what's happening in the
world, that's the root cause of humanity's

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adaptive deficit disorder. Oh, Charles, we are going to grab our first

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break because I want listeners of youth
to be able to chew one and digest

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a little bit of what you just
put forth. It's stunningly compelling and beautiful.

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I'm your host, Doctor Elie's Cortez, who are on the air with

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Charles Jones, the author of Emotional
Intelligence for Streuss Free Leadership, turning emotional

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pain into performance gain with the Tenor
method. We've been talking a bit about

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how our work together produces hopefully a
hier a result and getting into his theory.

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After therek we're going to continue diving
more into it and later hear about

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his actual method. Stay with us, We'll be right back. Doctor Elease

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Cortez is a management consultant specializing in
meaning and purpose an inspirational speaker and author.

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She helps companies visioneer for a greater
purpose among stakeholders and develop purpose inspired

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leadership and meaning infused cultures that elevate
fulfillment, performance and commitment within the workforce.

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To learn more or to invite a
Lease to speak to your organization,

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please visit her at Elease Cortez dot
com. Let's talk about how to get

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were employees working on purpose. This
is working on Purpose with doctor Elise Cortez.

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To reach our program today or to
open a conversation with a Lease,

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send an email to a lease a
l se at Elise Cortez dot com.

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Now back to working on purpose.
Thanks for staying well us and welcome back

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to working on purpose. Before we
get back into the program, I do

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want to announce to you that I
am very excited to tell you that I'm

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launching a Purpose and Joy tour with
joy Eli. This is a collaboration with

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Jolie and they are in an organization
that teaches mindful projects is to build happy,

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healthy, resiliing world and my firm, Elease Cortez and associates that exist

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to awaken people to their passion and
purpose and build leadership and cultures that support

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these efforts. So together, what
we're doing is we're going to thirty three

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different cities across the United States,
starting in Dallas in March and finishing in

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Virginia Beach in October to find our
tribe and build a community of people who

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seek to elevate their lives and businesses
by cultivating meaning, purpose and joy.

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You can find the list of cities, dates, and plan events at Gusto

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dashnow dot com. Go to the
tour tab. Very excited to come to

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you in your own backyard, So
find your city, mark your calendar,

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and wrestler for the events. Will
see you there if you're just during the

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program today. My guest is Charles
Jones. He's the emotion decoder who has

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developed a fresh and what I would
call elevated method of understanding and working from

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our emotions. I'm your host,
doctor Elias Cortez. So before we get

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more further into the theory of what
it is that's behind your actual approach here,

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I want to really call that and
celebrate what you put in your book.

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You talk about the assumption implicit in
many statements about about emotions is that

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especially strong emotions lead to reactive behavior, interrational decision making, and therefore cannot

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be trusted. And of course you
disagree, So if you could send a

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little bit more about why you disagree, and then we'll get more into the

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theory. Are you here sure?
Sure? So, emotions properly interpreted are

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feedback regarding our own effectiveness, right, So why wouldn't you want that feedback?

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If I have set a goal for
myself and my subconscious which processes information

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two hundred and fifty thousand times faster
than my conscious mind, if it sends

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up a red flag of frustration letting
me know I'm not on track to achieve

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my goal, I want to know
about it now. If I recognize the

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frustration as a call to a distress
goal for my subconscious and a request for

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me the conscious mind, to examine
what goal I'm trying to achieve, and

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how I'm going about it, and
how I'm measuring my progress toward it,

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and then making an adjustment to one
of those three things, then my frustration

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is my best friend, my greatest
advisor in keeping me productive and achieving in

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my life. As an example,
So in contrast, if I'm interpreting my

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frustration as being caused by what's happening
in the world. I'm not taking responsibility

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that this is feedback regarding my own
effectiveness, and I am blaming my frustration

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on the coworker that won't cooperate with
me. Then the action, the thinking

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in actions I will take that's downstream
from that misinterpretation of what's causing my frustration

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is going to likely damage my relationship
with my coworker, and I'm going to

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be focused on fixing the blame rather
than fixing the problem and getting back on

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track to fulfill my need. So
and and other emotions can be even worse.

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So anger that arises when my subconscious
need to assert what I believe to

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be my rights, my right to
receive credit from my work, my right

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to have a life outside of work, my right to have, you know,

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to go on vacation, be able
to use my vacation time, whatever,

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whatever it is that there will be
some workplace examples, the right to

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hold an employee of mine accountable.
Right. So angers alerting me to the

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fact that I'm not on track to
assert a right of mine and rights are

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hugely important. They structure human society. Our entire legal system is based on

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rights. Right. And so if
I'm interpreting my anger correctly, then it's

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pushing me in the direction of becoming
more effective at asserting my rights. And

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because my attention is focused on rights, I will tend to consider the rights

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of the other person. At the
same time, someone who was very clear

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about this was Mohamma Gandhi. He
described himself as an intensely angry man,

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right, but he was crystal clear
that he that his anger was saying,

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Hey, you're not on track to
a sort of the right of self determination

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for the Indian people. You need
to get back on track. You need

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to come up with another strategy,
right, and what that strategy needs to

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be one that respects the rights of
the British right. So he was very

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clear that anger was a force for
mutual respect. Right. In contrast,

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the way most people interpret their anger
is I'm angry because you did something wrong

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and you deserve to be punished.
Right, then my job becomes teaching you

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a lesson, getting you to do
what's right, or punish you for having

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done something that's wrong. That's not
helpful, that's destructive. Yes, it

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really is, right. So the
culprit isn't anger. The culprit is what

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I call the circumstantial view of emotions. I call the other view of emotion

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the effectiveness view of emotion. So
am I interpreting my emotions as feedback on

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my circumstances or as feedback on my
effectiveness. I think it's important to reiterate

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here because you have such a you
know, you've been at this for decades,

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and the listeners of viewers might be
just tuning in, going gosh,

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I'm this is compelling. I want
to remind them of something really important and

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central to what you put forth,
and that is that you say that emotions

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are are vital intelligence. And I
want to contrast that because most people are

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afraid of their emotions. They want
to contain them. I see it all

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the time, and they're working,
are doing inside companies. I want to

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make sure that we're contrasting to the
traditional, usual, view, outdated view

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of emotions here with the really vastly
forward thinking way that you're you're talking about

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them, because it's there's there's quite
a chasm here, as I'm sure you

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quite know, a very very which
makes you, you know, really really

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compelling to have on the show.
And I really appreciate the work that you've

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done and who you're being in the
world to steward it well. So this

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differencing in understanding of what your emotions
are and why they are there and what

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caused them leads you to play a
very different game with your emotions. So

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the traditional view of so called negative
emotions are they are irrational, right,

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which is, in my opinion,
a very arrogant sort of view to take

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on it. It's like, yeah, just because you don't understand what your

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emotions trying to tell you doesn't make
it irrational, right. It means you

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just simply don't understand what it's trying
to tell you. So, if someone

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is attributing their emotion to what is
or isn't happening in the world, I'm

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in agreement that they're now in a
negative state and that they should do everything

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they can to contain control, manage
their emotions because, misinterpreted through the circumstantial

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view, every emotion, even the
so called positive ones, are damaging.

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That's why we have toxic positivity,
and in organizations as an example, it's

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pleasurable emotions being misinterpreted through the circumstantial
view. That's why pride has a bad

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name. Right, because it's confused
with arrogance and conceive, which are functions

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of the circumstantial view pride as in, I'm personifying an ideal that many other

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people would also benefit. Our society
is benefiting from me personifying this ideal,

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and the people around me might personified
this ideal. Then I actually want to

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broadcast the fact that I might be
someone worth emulating with respect to this particular

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quality, right, so that I
can take what I have cultivated and learned

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and embodied over many, many years, and you can pretty much steal it

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from me just by observing me and
biosmosis, you know, beginning to emulate

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some of those qualities. And human
beings learn an enormous amount from each other

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by through imitation, Right, anyone
who's been a parent watch their children,

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tremendous amount of what our learning is
is through imitation. Well, what things

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are worth imitating and what things are
not? Right, shame and pride broadcast

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that to the people around us.
So one of the things that I also

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appreciate about your work on Charles is
you really you've talk about being able to

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understand our emotions and go to the
rooks of emotions and then and then to

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be able to be empowered. You
help help people to be empowered to resolve

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them. And so I think that's
really really compelling. I don't think i've

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everything. Anybody use the word resolve
emotions. Um, so I want you

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if you could speak to that just
a little bit. And then I want

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to get into your your your performance
tuner perspective. You're the four steps to

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your performance tune your perspective. M
sure sure so. Um, when painful,

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let's let me take a step back. So your subconscious is purring away

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that it's turning away. It's fulfilling
your psychological needs as best you can.

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And you're let's say you're on track
to fulfill a goal, and so it's

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sending up a pleasurable feeling of being
productive and that and basically I translate that

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as keep going, keep keep going, you're on track right. Um.

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In contrast, you know, something
happens, You have a plan. You're

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going to ask this coworker for the
data. They're going to give it to

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You're gonna have the report done on
time. The coworker says no, I

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can get you the data. Then
the subconsciousness like, hey, we're no

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longer on track the plan we put
in place, just we have a breakdown,

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right, and so frustration arises.
It's a little uncomfortable, it's a

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little painful. It gets our attention, right, It's not as painful as

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fear, right, because fear is
pointing to a much more urgent need,

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which is some asset of yours needs
protecting. But it gets your attention,

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and its request the conscious mind is, Hey, I have the assessment that

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we aren't on track to achieve a
goal. I need you, the conscious

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mind, to resolve that assessment.
When you resolve that assessment, I'll stop

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generating frustration. But I'm going to
support us in being effective by continuing to

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rate frustration until you have resolved this
underlying assessment that we're not on track.

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And there's I believe there's three and
only three ways to resolve a painful emotion,

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this assessment that we're not attract to
fulfilling need. So the most obvious

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way is to change our approach to
fulfilling the need. Okay, So let's

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if we go back to the example. I've just asked my coworker for some

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data. They can't get me the
data. I can change my strategy.

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Okay, I can change my tactics. So, okay, is there another

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coworker I can get the data from. Can I go into the information system

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and figure out how to get the
data myself? You know, there might

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there's other approaches to this, right, but that would be a change in

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strategy or tactics. Okay. Another
is to challenge the assessment that I'm not

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on track. My coworker can get
the data by noon tomorrow. My meeting

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at which I need to present is
until two. I have nothing between twelve

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and two. It takes me ten
minutes with the Xcel macros I've built to

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turn that data into the pieces of
the report. Actually, I'm okay,

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I am on track. My subconsciousnes
is working with an outdated set of assumptions

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about how long it takes me to
produce this report given the data right the

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moment I realize that's true. Another
example I use for this, which all

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peoplen relate to, is I'm headed
to an appointment. I hit traffic.

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I'm immediately frustrated. Wait a second, Traffic doesn't necessarily mean I'm not get

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to hit it to my appointment on
time. I bring up my GPS.

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Google says I'm going to get to
my appointment three minutes early, even with

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the traffic jam. Great, I
don't need to be frustrated, right or

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The third thing we can do is
I call all these things need, but

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I have a need to get to
this appointment, and I have some preconceived

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ideas about what that means. I
need to be physically there, sitting in

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my seat by this time. Well, can I modify the need? I

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can I modify basically what I've assigned
my subconscious to do. If you think

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about your conscious mind as your CEO
and your needs as your direct reports,

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I've assigned my subconscious you know,
hey, you need to achieve this goal

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of getting us to the appointment on
time. I could modify what I mean

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00:32:32.920 --> 00:32:37.920
by that, And I'm going to
arrive on time by phone right from my

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car. It's my meeting. I
could postpone it. Actually, I'm kind

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of ancillary to that meeting. I
don't need to be there. I'm going

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to drop my need to get there
on time. Right. So we So

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what people say when they're introduced to
this idea is, oh, my goodness,

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this is so empowering. I love
that. Was going to use that

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00:33:01.400 --> 00:33:09.119
word before. Absolutely it is empowering. It's so empowering. And when you

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realize that you can resolve any need
that you're not an attracted to fulfill,

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that you hold all the keys to
doing that, then emotions become a lot

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less scary, right, and it
can be a lot more helpful. So

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00:33:30.799 --> 00:33:35.000
what as you're saying this, and
of course I know how you're addressing this

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00:33:35.000 --> 00:33:37.880
thing. It's what you're talking about. And here's what's great about what you're

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putting forth here. What you're talking
about, Charles, is what you and

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I do when we're coaching people.
The beauty in this is that people can

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learn this themselves, and that's even
more empowering. So it's just that's why.

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And I'll say more about this as
we go along here we've got to

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00:33:52.720 --> 00:33:55.000
grab our next break here, but
there's so many ways that we can use

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what you've created. It's just very
compelling. I'm at least court as your

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00:34:00.400 --> 00:34:02.079
host. We have done the air
with Charles Jones. He's the author of

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00:34:02.119 --> 00:34:07.799
Emotional Intelligence for Stress Free Leadership.
Turn emotional pain into performance gain with the

406
00:34:07.839 --> 00:34:10.559
Tenor Method. We've been talking a
bit about some of the theory and the

407
00:34:10.679 --> 00:34:14.440
science behind what he has put forth. After the break, we're going to

408
00:34:14.519 --> 00:34:17.679
get into his actual tenor method and
also the way to be able to use

409
00:34:17.719 --> 00:34:22.039
it throughout your lives and your work. Stay with We'll be right back for

410
00:34:22.079 --> 00:34:42.039
that. Doctor Elease courts as as
a management consultant specializing in meaning and purpose.

411
00:34:42.159 --> 00:34:45.760
An inspirational speaker and author, she
helps companies visioneer for a greater purpose

412
00:34:45.760 --> 00:34:52.400
among stakeholders and develop purpose inspired leadership
and meaning infused cultures that elevate fulfillment,

413
00:34:52.519 --> 00:34:55.599
performance, and commitment within the workforce. To learn more or to invite a

414
00:34:55.679 --> 00:35:00.719
Lease to speak to your organization,
please visit her at a lease Ortes dot

415
00:35:00.719 --> 00:35:09.159
com. Let's talk about how to
get your employees working on purpose. This

416
00:35:09.360 --> 00:35:14.760
is working on Purpose with doctor Elise
Cortez. To reach our program today or

417
00:35:14.800 --> 00:35:17.920
to open a conversation with a Lease, send an email to Elease a l

418
00:35:19.159 --> 00:35:23.400
I se at Elise Cortez dot com. Now back to working on Purpose.

419
00:35:29.920 --> 00:35:31.960
Thanks for staying with us, and
welcome back to working on purpose. If

420
00:35:31.960 --> 00:35:35.760
you're just joining us now. My
guest is Charles Jones. He's the emotion

421
00:35:35.840 --> 00:35:38.960
Dakota who has developed afresh and what
I would call very elevated method of understanding

422
00:35:38.960 --> 00:35:43.840
and working from our emotions. I'm
your host, doctor Elise Kortez. So

423
00:35:43.960 --> 00:35:45.760
for the flast segment here, Charles, I really wanted to bring home.

424
00:35:45.920 --> 00:35:50.360
So we've been talking about some really
different ideas that I hope our listeners and

425
00:35:50.440 --> 00:35:54.159
viewers are both getting excited by and
compelled by the possibility of, and I

426
00:35:54.199 --> 00:35:58.159
want it now. If we can
spend the last segment just letting you really

427
00:35:58.199 --> 00:36:04.000
talk us through the tenor as you
call it, the Tenor method. Sure,

428
00:36:04.199 --> 00:36:09.559
sure, I think where I want
to start is that is by actually

429
00:36:09.599 --> 00:36:17.559
painting a picture of how I believe
we interact or dance with our emotions when

430
00:36:19.440 --> 00:36:23.880
we're in a natural state of flow. So I believe the state of peak

431
00:36:23.960 --> 00:36:31.440
performance and learning that is an innate
to us. I believe it looks like

432
00:36:31.599 --> 00:36:39.159
this. So at some point,
but we'll use the simplest example, We've

433
00:36:39.280 --> 00:36:47.079
set a goal for ourselves and our
subconscious is doing its best to achieve that

434
00:36:47.239 --> 00:36:52.599
goal, and it runs into a
problem. There's there's some breakdown. It

435
00:36:52.639 --> 00:36:55.559
figures out, hey, we're not
on track to achieve that goal, and

436
00:36:55.719 --> 00:37:00.559
so it starts generating feelings of frustration. To get the attention of the conscious

437
00:37:00.599 --> 00:37:05.320
mind and draw its attention to the
goal that we're not on track to achieve.

438
00:37:06.159 --> 00:37:12.760
So when things are working well,
the frustration arises, we immediately turn

439
00:37:12.800 --> 00:37:16.199
our attention to it. We identify
the goal we're not on track to achieve,

440
00:37:16.760 --> 00:37:20.960
and we decide, Okay, am
I going to modify my goal?

441
00:37:21.800 --> 00:37:27.880
Modify the strategy I'm using to achieve
the goal, or change the criteria I'm

442
00:37:27.960 --> 00:37:30.920
using to determine whether or not I'm
on track to achieve this goal. And

443
00:37:30.960 --> 00:37:37.960
as soon as I have made that
adjustment in my subconscious programming, then the

444
00:37:37.000 --> 00:37:43.280
emotion of frustration subsides my need to
achieve goals, goes back to doing what

445
00:37:43.360 --> 00:37:47.719
it does best, and it generates
these pleasurable feelings of productivity to let me

446
00:37:47.800 --> 00:37:52.920
know that I'm on track right.
And so, you know, we're going

447
00:37:52.960 --> 00:38:00.079
through a life. Emotions pleasurable and
painful are arising, and we're turning our

448
00:38:00.119 --> 00:38:05.639
attention and making adjustments when there's a
painful emotion, and we're stepping on the

449
00:38:05.639 --> 00:38:08.039
gas, if you will, when
there's a pleasurable one to keep us moving

450
00:38:08.239 --> 00:38:17.280
forward. And so I think that's
our natural state of being because we've been

451
00:38:17.320 --> 00:38:22.639
culturally conditioned to misinterpret what our emotions
are and what to do with them,

452
00:38:22.840 --> 00:38:30.360
something very different tends to happen.
So frustration arises, and our response is,

453
00:38:30.639 --> 00:38:34.599
look, I don't want to hear
from you. I'm busy, you

454
00:38:34.639 --> 00:38:37.159
know, I'm trying to achieve some
goals here. I'm busy, and I'm

455
00:38:37.159 --> 00:38:39.480
saying this to be, you know, to kind of point out the irony

456
00:38:39.480 --> 00:38:47.079
of the whole thing. And so
we suppress that frustration and the suppression of

457
00:38:47.079 --> 00:38:53.280
that frustration. The emotions communicate,
the subconscious communicates to the conscious mind through

458
00:38:53.320 --> 00:38:59.920
the body. So when emotions arise
and express themselves in the body, if

459
00:39:00.119 --> 00:39:05.480
we shut that down, if we
suppress, we do so by holding muscle

460
00:39:05.519 --> 00:39:12.239
groups tight. You know, if
people grind their teeth at night or you

461
00:39:12.239 --> 00:39:15.800
know, they end up with a
lot of tension here and the back of

462
00:39:15.840 --> 00:39:21.920
their jaw in the back here,
that's because they've been suppressing some of their

463
00:39:21.960 --> 00:39:27.639
frustration rather than allowing it to express
itself through it. So when we're holding

464
00:39:27.679 --> 00:39:30.599
tension in our body, that's not
due to an injury or something like that.

465
00:39:31.360 --> 00:39:37.159
And commonplaces are tightness in the upper
back that's usually suppression, and anxiety

466
00:39:37.880 --> 00:39:43.960
not in the stomach. Anxiety doesn't
cause that. Trying to suppress your anxiety

467
00:39:44.000 --> 00:39:52.320
causes it. Holding our sphincter tight, we're trying to suppress fear stiffness,

468
00:39:52.599 --> 00:39:55.639
and in our upper chest. That's
often like suppressing in resentment. So whenever

469
00:39:55.679 --> 00:40:05.199
we have we're holding tension in our
body, it's usually because we are suppressing

470
00:40:05.199 --> 00:40:09.119
your awareness of this vital information,
this feedback on our own effectiveness from our

471
00:40:09.159 --> 00:40:15.480
subconscious and the more that we do
that, the more are subconscious tries to

472
00:40:15.519 --> 00:40:22.639
get our attention by moving our body
and sending hormones and stuff into our bloodstream.

473
00:40:22.679 --> 00:40:28.880
And that's what most people call stress, right. There's there's many there's

474
00:40:28.880 --> 00:40:32.079
some technical definitions of stress and use
stress and stuff like that, but what

475
00:40:32.199 --> 00:40:39.320
people commonly refer to as stress is
this combination of holding certain muscle groups tight

476
00:40:39.639 --> 00:40:44.519
and so you're exhausting stuff at the
end of the day because it takes conscious

477
00:40:44.519 --> 00:40:47.840
effort to do that. As well
as exhausting, you know, it's exhausting

478
00:40:47.880 --> 00:40:52.719
for the body to hold that tension. So the first step of the Tenor

479
00:40:52.760 --> 00:40:59.519
method, it's an acronym is tension. Really scan your body for tension in

480
00:40:59.639 --> 00:41:02.239
den of by the tension, release
the tension, so you can feel the

481
00:41:02.320 --> 00:41:07.480
emotions that your subconscious is trying to
is using to communicate with you. So

482
00:41:07.519 --> 00:41:13.880
that's step one, step two.
The E in tenor t E. The

483
00:41:13.920 --> 00:41:21.679
E stands for emotion, and when
emotions arise, they again their communication.

484
00:41:21.719 --> 00:41:27.440
There calls from our subconscious and are
subconscious. If you think about you know,

485
00:41:27.480 --> 00:41:30.880
if you have a child that comes
up to you and you grabs your

486
00:41:30.920 --> 00:41:35.000
hand and it's like, daddy,
Daddy want your attention, and if I'm

487
00:41:35.000 --> 00:41:37.800
insisting on staying on my cell phone
or working on the task I'm at the

488
00:41:37.920 --> 00:41:44.239
child just starts getting louder and louder
and tugging harder and harder. And our

489
00:41:44.320 --> 00:41:50.039
needs are like that when they need
the attention the conscious mind right, And

490
00:41:50.119 --> 00:41:57.000
so the first step after an emotion
arises is to name the emotion to acknowledge

491
00:41:57.039 --> 00:42:01.559
that it exists. And there's actually
some great neurous science here from Matthew Lieberman

492
00:42:02.119 --> 00:42:07.440
on the effect of labeling your affect
of labeling your emotions, and if you

493
00:42:07.599 --> 00:42:15.719
correctly name the emotion you're experiencing I'm
angry, I feel angry, you'll actually

494
00:42:15.159 --> 00:42:21.920
experience an immediate sense of composure.
You're still angry, but now you're composed

495
00:42:22.159 --> 00:42:28.480
and you won't be reactive. Right, So there's this misnomer, this idea

496
00:42:28.639 --> 00:42:34.360
that emotions drive behavior, but it's
completely false. In fact, a different

497
00:42:34.400 --> 00:42:39.400
neuroscientist, Joseph Leadou, has shown
that the amygdala, which drives behavior and

498
00:42:39.440 --> 00:42:43.519
response to certain kinds of threats,
is not the same area of the brain

499
00:42:44.000 --> 00:42:50.800
in which we experience fear and anger
and other things. So emotions don't drive

500
00:42:50.880 --> 00:42:54.920
behavior needs to and if that need
can't get the attention of the conscious mind

501
00:42:54.920 --> 00:42:59.079
to get its help, it needs
to take things into its own hands.

502
00:43:00.280 --> 00:43:04.119
And so just like that child will
eventually act out or go do whatever it

503
00:43:04.199 --> 00:43:08.320
is that it wants to do that
it wants your attention for our subconscious needs

504
00:43:08.360 --> 00:43:12.880
sort of acts out, and that's
where we get fight, fight, freeze,

505
00:43:12.960 --> 00:43:17.480
appease types of behavior. So if
you want to reduce reactivity, name

506
00:43:17.599 --> 00:43:25.679
your emotions correctly as they arise.
So that's t n is needs. So

507
00:43:27.440 --> 00:43:31.800
in my book, I share five
emotion decodes where if you're feeling this emotion,

508
00:43:32.440 --> 00:43:38.000
it's always, always, always always, because you're subconscious has the assessment

509
00:43:38.000 --> 00:43:42.880
you're not attract to meet a particular
need, and the emotion tells you what

510
00:43:43.000 --> 00:43:47.840
need it is frustration, achieve goals, anger, assert rights, shame,

511
00:43:50.639 --> 00:43:55.119
personify ideals, guilt, uphold ethics, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. I

512
00:43:55.199 --> 00:44:01.840
think we have about fifty of these
fundamental psyche ecological needs and they're corresponding painful

513
00:44:01.880 --> 00:44:07.760
and pleasurable emotions. So you release
tension from your body, you name your

514
00:44:07.800 --> 00:44:14.320
emotions, and then you decode your
needs right and take ownership for them.

515
00:44:15.880 --> 00:44:22.119
Then you generate options. The own
tenor is options, and as I said

516
00:44:22.159 --> 00:44:24.440
before, there's three options you can
do. You can modify the need,

517
00:44:25.079 --> 00:44:30.039
you can change your assessment whether you're
on track, and you can upgrade your

518
00:44:30.079 --> 00:44:35.880
strategy right. And then last but
not least, is Okay, you've gone

519
00:44:35.920 --> 00:44:40.039
through this process. You've come up
with a way to resolve the assessment that

520
00:44:40.079 --> 00:44:44.800
you're not on tract to fulfill a
need and with it the underlying emotion.

521
00:44:45.639 --> 00:44:53.760
The R stands for resolution. And
a problem that many people have is procrastination.

522
00:44:54.800 --> 00:44:59.599
And it was a long thought.
The procrastination is someone's lazy, or

523
00:44:59.679 --> 00:45:02.599
they have or they have a lack
of willpower. It's not the case.

524
00:45:04.239 --> 00:45:12.719
Procrastination occurs when you're avoiding feeling an
emotion that arises when you think about doing

525
00:45:12.800 --> 00:45:19.599
the task. Maybe it's boredom,
maybe it's resentment, maybe it's anxiety that

526
00:45:20.000 --> 00:45:22.360
you know, what if I'm don't
do it well, or whatever it is.

527
00:45:23.000 --> 00:45:30.519
And so if we make a practice
of checking in with our subconscious before

528
00:45:30.599 --> 00:45:35.159
we make any decision, before we
commit to any action, before we say

529
00:45:35.280 --> 00:45:39.440
yes to that decision, if we
make a practice of just checking in and

530
00:45:39.639 --> 00:45:45.480
seeing if any of our subconscious needs, which again process information much faster than

531
00:45:45.559 --> 00:45:50.920
we do, have an objection to
it, and address that objection right then

532
00:45:51.000 --> 00:45:54.880
and there, then when it comes
time to do the task to follow through,

533
00:45:55.519 --> 00:46:04.000
we won't procrastinate right because we're not
faced with you know, but if

534
00:46:04.039 --> 00:46:07.280
we're going to kick the can down
down the road, and this practice of

535
00:46:07.360 --> 00:46:14.000
actually checking in with your subconscious before
you make a decision can prevent a lot

536
00:46:14.079 --> 00:46:19.159
of different kinds of decision errors that
we might have. It can also help

537
00:46:19.280 --> 00:46:23.639
us from not making impulsive mistakes.
Like if you ever had that email and

538
00:46:23.760 --> 00:46:29.840
you're just about to send it and
something inside you kind of pauses and hesitates,

539
00:46:30.679 --> 00:46:32.880
but because you can't figure it out
in two seconds, you press the

540
00:46:32.960 --> 00:46:37.239
send button and it's like, oh, I forgot the attachment or or worse.

541
00:46:37.639 --> 00:46:45.760
Right, so watch so tender's kind
of a certain kind of mindfulness practice,

542
00:46:45.880 --> 00:46:52.119
right you you you, you scan
your body for tension and release it.

543
00:46:52.039 --> 00:46:58.559
You name the emotions that are arising, You translate those into the underlying

544
00:46:58.679 --> 00:47:05.440
needs, generate options to get that
need back on track or drop the need

545
00:47:05.679 --> 00:47:09.760
entirely. And then you got to
check your resolutions before you make them.

546
00:47:10.320 --> 00:47:15.760
And if you do these five things
with consistency, then over time that will

547
00:47:16.079 --> 00:47:22.920
transform not only will help you every
time you do it in that transactional moment,

548
00:47:22.079 --> 00:47:28.519
in that particular instance, but as
it becomes second nature or really returns

549
00:47:28.559 --> 00:47:31.320
you to your original nature, you'll
shift from someone who's kind of an emotional

550
00:47:31.440 --> 00:47:38.760
victim of life to someone who I
call emotionally responsible in my view, Charles,

551
00:47:38.800 --> 00:47:42.840
putting this into practice, will you
do what I say, what my

552
00:47:42.920 --> 00:47:46.239
favorite word, radically improve the quality
of your relationships and the results that you

553
00:47:46.280 --> 00:47:50.400
get in life. As far as
I could see it, we are at

554
00:47:50.440 --> 00:47:52.320
the end of the show here.
Can I just give you a say,

555
00:47:52.360 --> 00:47:55.320
fifteen minutes, fifty minutes, fifteen
seconds to just close as you like.

556
00:47:55.360 --> 00:48:07.239
Would you like to leave our listeners
with I know so many things I could

557
00:48:07.280 --> 00:48:15.159
do with it. But just befriend
your emotions, you know, like really

558
00:48:15.239 --> 00:48:23.360
see them as your greatest your greatest
guide and friend and heal the relationship between

559
00:48:23.440 --> 00:48:30.599
your conscious mind and your subconscious needs. Life becomes much easier. You flow

560
00:48:30.719 --> 00:48:37.559
through it, You're more effective.
And we haven't discussed it all the implications

561
00:48:37.599 --> 00:48:42.039
of this for how you relate to
others. But other people are like you,

562
00:48:42.559 --> 00:48:46.000
a conscious mind and a set of
subconscious needs. And the more empathically

563
00:48:46.039 --> 00:48:51.960
attuned you can be to your needs
and to other people's needs and use your

564
00:48:52.000 --> 00:48:59.360
conscious mind to acknowledge and support those
needs and staying on track, the better

565
00:48:59.519 --> 00:49:05.320
relationships will become, the more effective
you'll be at work, and you know,

566
00:49:05.800 --> 00:49:08.559
the a better life you will lead, the more engaged will be in

567
00:49:08.639 --> 00:49:13.480
your life, the more meaning though
will be, and the and the more

568
00:49:13.519 --> 00:49:15.920
effective you will be. A beautiful
way to finish, Charles, thank you

569
00:49:16.039 --> 00:49:19.719
very much, so appreciate getting to
know you, having you on my show,

570
00:49:19.760 --> 00:49:22.480
sharing with my listeners and viewers.
You've certainly elevated my life already put

571
00:49:22.599 --> 00:49:25.000
by teaching me what you have,
what you put forth in your work,

572
00:49:25.039 --> 00:49:30.000
and I would putting it into practice. So thank you very much. Thank

573
00:49:30.039 --> 00:49:32.519
you very much for having me on
the show. You're welcome, less serves

574
00:49:32.519 --> 00:49:35.960
and viewers. You've got to get
more of this man here. If you

575
00:49:36.000 --> 00:49:37.639
want to learn more about the work
that he does his books, go to

576
00:49:38.119 --> 00:49:42.679
the ten go to ten or method
let me spell it for you t E

577
00:49:42.960 --> 00:49:49.280
N O R Method mt H O
D. You can also go to Adaptivemastery

578
00:49:49.400 --> 00:49:51.840
dot com. Either one will get
you to the same place. But check

579
00:49:51.880 --> 00:49:53.840
out his work and get connected to
this man. Last week, if you

580
00:49:53.880 --> 00:49:58.000
missed the live show you can always
can't be recorded podcast. We are on

581
00:49:58.079 --> 00:50:01.840
the air with Facial Hope or Hawk
talking about his book Lift, Fostering the

582
00:50:01.920 --> 00:50:06.519
Leader in New a mid revolutionary global
change. He puts forth a model of

583
00:50:06.599 --> 00:50:10.199
transformational leadership where everyone in an organization
is activated to work toward his subjectives and

584
00:50:10.360 --> 00:50:14.639
mission. So, in other words, it really activates every individual in the

585
00:50:14.760 --> 00:50:19.480
organization for their best is pretty fantastic. Next week will be back on the

586
00:50:19.559 --> 00:50:22.960
show once again with Alton Mills,
this time to talk about his book Be

587
00:50:22.159 --> 00:50:27.280
Unstoppable, the eight Essential Actions to
Succeed at Anything. See you there and

588
00:50:27.360 --> 00:50:30.519
remember at work as an integral and
important part of our lives and can be

589
00:50:30.599 --> 00:50:34.239
one of the best adventures and means
of realizing our potential and making the impact

590
00:50:34.280 --> 00:50:39.559
we crave. So let's work on
Purpose. We hope you've enjoyed this week's

591
00:50:39.599 --> 00:50:44.559
program. Be sure to tune into
Working on Purpose featuring your host, doctor

592
00:50:44.599 --> 00:50:49.440
Elise Cortez, each week on W
FOURCY. Together we'll create a world where

593
00:50:49.519 --> 00:50:54.360
business operates conscientiously. Leadership inspires and
passion performance and employees are fulfilled in work

594
00:50:54.480 --> 00:50:59.440
that provides the meaning and purpose they
crave. See you there, Let's work

595
00:50:59.599 --> 00:51:00.320
on Purpose.