Jan. 8, 2025

The Art of Living Well: Embracing the Wisdom of Your Emotions

The Art of Living Well: Embracing the Wisdom of Your Emotions

Your emotions aren’t problems—they’re guides! Every emotion holds wisdom and power, from anger’s boundary-setting to fear’s intuition, anxiety’s drive, sadness’ calm, and contentment’s self-worth. Learn to decode your emotions and unlock the gifts...

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Your emotions aren’t problems—they’re guides! Every emotion holds wisdom and power, from anger’s boundary-setting to fear’s intuition, anxiety’s drive, sadness’ calm, and contentment’s self-worth. Learn to decode your emotions and unlock the gifts they bring to improve your health, relationships, and results. Imagine how you can transform your life when you learn to embrace and accept the gifts of your emotions! Guest: Karla McLaren

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The topics and opinions express in the following show are

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What's working on Purpose? Anyway? Each week we ponder the

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answer to this question. People ache for meaning and purpose

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at work, to contribute their talents passionately and know their

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lives really matter. They crave being part of an organization

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that inspires them and helps them grow into realizing their

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highest potential. Business can be such a force for good

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in the world, elevating humanity. In our program, we provide

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guidance and inspiration to help usher in this world we

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all want working on Purpose. Now, here's your host, doctor

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Elise Cortez.

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Welcome back to.

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The Working in Purpose program, which has been brought to

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you with passion and pride since February of twenty fifteen.

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Thanks for tuning it in this week right to have you.

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I'm your host, doctor Elise Cortes. If we've not met before,

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you don't know me. I'm an organizational psychologist and local therapist,

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speaker and author. My team and I at Gusto now

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help companies to onlivee at and fortify their operations by

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building a dynamic, high performance culture and inspirational leadership activated

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by meaning and purpose. Why might you be interested in that?

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Because inspired employees outperformed satisfied employees by a factor of

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two point twenty five two one inclume more about us

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and how we can work together at gustodashnow dot com

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and my personal site, Atliscortes dot com. Before we get

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into today's program, I am thrilled to announce that registration

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is now open for a fabulous new conference for women

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for which I'll serve as the MC. It's called Thrive

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in twenty five and it is a jam packed few

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days in Chicago June twenty fifth through June twenty eighth.

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Twenty twenty five is designed to help women develop as

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whole selves from boasting their bolstering their mindset to financial acumen,

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to leadership, to incorporating nature and to art into your life,

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to raise consciousness, and a whole lot more. Visit Thrive

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dash in the number twenty five dot com for information

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and when you register use my promo code Gusto all

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caps and that'll give you more access to some of

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the free books and programs that I'm gifting to participants.

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I'll see you there getting in today's program we have

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with us today. Carla McLaren an author, educator, social science researcher,

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empathy expert, and workplace consultant. Her applied work, Dynamic Emotional Integration,

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is a groundbreaking process that reveals the genius and healing

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power within the emotional realms. Her work revalues even the

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most negative emotions and opens startling new pathways and do

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self awareness, effective communication, and healthy empathy. She's the author

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of many books, including the brand new Language of Emotions workbook,

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The Power of Emotions at Work and Embracing Anxiety as

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another She's a developer of the online learning community Empathy

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Academy dot org. Carla A hearty welcome to Working on Purpose.

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It's great to have you.

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Thank you so much, Elise. It's great to be here.

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Shall we celebrate this one of the amazing things you

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put into the world. Look at this beautiful thing.

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Oh you have got you one two fantastic.

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As you know, I'm prone to read my guest books

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cover to cover and I did, and I said to

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you in our LinkedIn interaction, I really got some amazing

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things out of your book, Carla, that really helped me

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with some areas in my life that I really had

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been stuck in. So I really want to say thank

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you for what you put, for what you're doing, and

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that we get to share you with listeners and viewers

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all over the world.

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Thank you so much.

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And you're ready, So you're so welcome. So let's start

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with something kind of interesting that I will just presence this.

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You know.

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The idea is that motions get a bad wrap. I

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was out, I took myself out for a movie on

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Saturday night and stopped into my favorite bar to get

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get a beverage, and I was talking to the bartender

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and he was talking about his son and going on,

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and I said, only sounds like such a wonderfully sensitive

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young man. He goes, no, no, no, no, no, no,

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he's not sensitive. And I meant you know, he was

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reading things really really well, but boy, he didn't want

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to hear sensitive. And if I said emotional, he was

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probably going to have me leave, right, So.

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What's up with that? We laugh, But it's so sad.

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Emotions are very, very very very gendered, and the idea

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is that women feel them differently or in a better

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way than men do, and that men are kind of

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sort of, you know, a bag of hammers about emotions.

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They just don't understand. And that's silly. It's silly, but

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it lives in culture really really strongly, and sadly. What

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happens is women tend to do a tremendous amount of

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emotional labor that is unpaid for the men in their lives,

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and the men in their lives don't develop human emotion

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or don't know that they do, or don't have words

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for it, and it makes their lives so difficult. And

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you know, when I go up and talk, I'll have

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men come up and say I think I'm empathic, and

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I'm like, of course you're empathic. It's a human skill

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fail or a male skill. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they have

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to whisper it. Yeah, it's really sad not to have

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access to your own emotions, since they're a part of cognition.

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They're not separate from rationality or logic. That's very old information.

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They are right there with everything we think and everything

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we do.

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And I know because of the work that you do

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and sution, because of some of the work that I

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get to do. One of the most fulfilling things is

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to help everyone, men and women gain greater access to

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their fuller spectrum of emotions that they have been swashing

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for some time now. And so it is wonderfully fulfilling

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to get to do that work. And you've really placed

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some tremendous trail here and I really like how you

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lay out in this particular book, Carl. You say, every thought,

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every choice, every relationship, every dream, every failure, every triumph, everyment,

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and every action you take is directed by your emotions.

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Because of this, understanding them and learning their language is essential.

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It's key, It's key to everything. If you don't know

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what your emotions are, you won't really understand yourself, because

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they are driving how you create meaning in the world

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and the actions that you take. If you don't know them,

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who's you know, who's driving that car? We don't know?

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It's a robot car. It's gonna hit something. They always do.

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You know.

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I recently got introduced to Byron Katy's work and I

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read her book Over the Holiday, which really also helped

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me a lot. And she's got probably a lot well

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you know too. You've got the Five Families of Emotions

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in this last book, but she has two page lists

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of emotions that are organized by family. I just find

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that helps when I'm trying to really get clear about, well,

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what am I feeling right now?

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You know?

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Am I confused? Am I frustrated? Am I exasperated?

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You know?

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So I just I just think it really helps to

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be able to expand your vocabulary by looking at another

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list to help you really get clear as to how

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you're feeling, yes, questions.

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Vocabulary is crucial. Lisa Feldman Barrett and her colleagues found

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that with no other intervention, just helping people develop a

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larger emotional vocabulary help them with emotion regulation. So just

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knowing more words for your emotions helps you regulate them

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because you're not clueless in your own body, right, you know,

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Like what am I am I hungry? Am I angry?

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Am I angry? What are you feeling? Yeah? So I

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have a free emotional vocabulary list on my website and

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I think it's in twelve languages now. Because people keep

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coming and saying do you want to polish one? I said, yes,

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I do, So We've got free multi lingual emotional vocabulary lists.

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There's just no downside to learning more emotional vocabulary. I

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think it's life.

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It's part of what I'm also doing in life too, Carl.

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I think I mentioned too that what I've been putting

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forth is creating a program, and I'm now writing a

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book on helping people to nurture higher consciousness and deeper

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emotions to be able to realize more of their higher potential.

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It's just that critical. So it's one of a million

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reasons I wanted to have you on because I really

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respected and have learned so much from what you've done

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in the world of emotions, not just from professional world,

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but as I said, for me personally. So let's talk

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about definition, because I've certainly seen the idea of the

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emotions and feelings as two different things defined in many

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different ways. How do you define Let's say, first, emotions.

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Emotions are parts of our cognition, extremely important aspects of

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meaning making feelings, although many people use them, they say

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emotions of feelings. Basically, for me, emotion is the noun,

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is the thing. Feeling is the verb. It is your

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ability to feel the thing. It is your ability to

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identify the thing. So I could feel cold, I could

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feel angry, I could feel lonely, I could feel right.

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A lot of times there's a breakdown with people in

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between the emotion and the feeling, like they don't know

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what they're feeling. And you could say, are you feeling

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angry right now? But they'll be like, no, your mother's angry.

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I'm feeling this. I'm like, oh, really, I'm mother. Huh

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so slightly, Why are you bringing my mom into this?

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I think it's your anger. Yeah. So, so for me,

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emotion is the thing and feeling is your capacity to

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feel and identify the thing.

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Okay, love that distinction. Okay. I thought it would be

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useful in this first segment here to also just kind

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of exampleize I'm going to use that as a brand

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new order, like I just not created it. A few

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of the gifts and skills that you talk about in

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your book about emotions, and you talk about your emotions

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or vital senses that help you understand and respond to

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the world around you. And you go on to list,

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you know, the whole family of five and the various

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ones that are in that, but I just wanted to

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call out like six of them starting with anger. So

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you know, people are kind of afraid of anger, and

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so if you could talk just a little bit about

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the gifts and skills in anger.

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Yeah, I think a lot of people have had anger

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used against them, and so they have you know, the

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idea that anger must be a negative emotion, But in

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its own self, anger helps us set and maintain our boundaries.

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The gifts are honor and conviction, healthy self esteem, proper boundaries,

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healthy detachment, and protection of self and others. So, if

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you're working for, you know, a larger than you a goal,

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part of that is anger helping you identify what your

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values are and then to stand up for them. So

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anger always means that there's something important going on. You

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don't get angry about things that mean nothing to you,

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so you can sort of stop and say, Okay, something

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here is very valuable to me. And that can stop

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the kind of knee jerk kind of violence that people

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will do with their anger and think that's Okay, but

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that's not anger's fault.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah, an incredibly valuable emotion. Okay, let's talk

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about anxiety because there's a lot of there's today we

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see a lot about depression, anxiety, etc. But you talk

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about anxiety also has some gifts and skills. What about anxiety?

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I wrote a book about anxiety, and I talked to

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a number of people, said tell me about anxiety, And

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to a person, no matter what kind of education they had,

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they were describing panic, which is the emotion that moves

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forward when your life is in danger. It's an incredibly

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important emotion. But anxiety is actually the emotion of focus, motivation,

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and completion. It gives you a lot of energy so

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that you've got foresight, you can achieve task completion, you

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can prepare, you can procrastinate your way into creativity. Anxiety

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is your motivational emotion, and it's very forward leaning, and

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it is very energetic, and sometimes when panic joins it,

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people get overwhelmed. Right, And so knowing the difference between

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those two emotions is crucial because if panic's there, it

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means there's danger. So we need to find out what's

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going on. Right, Instead of saying I want this to

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calm down. I want this to go away. And these

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are two messengers saying stuff to get done. There's some

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danger and to say go away, like what it's like

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taking your smoke alarm out and just throwing it in

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the street as yours down.

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Yeah. Right, So, listeners and viewers, what I want you

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to pay attention to is Carla talks is I want

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you to really listen for what she's sharing here. That

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the wisdom of our emotions, the wisdom of our feelings,

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there's so much Rather than not trying to understand that

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we're just dismissing them, there's wisdom here to be had,

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which brings me to the next one I want to

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talk about, and that's fear. People have this idea and

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you do a beautiful job of how people are, you know,

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try to just squash it down and insist it doesn't exist,

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it doesn't exist, et cetera. But what are the gifts

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of fear?

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Fear is another emotion that people confused with panic, and

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fear is actually your momentary, present time awareness of what's

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around you. It's your instincts and it's your intuition. So

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if you tend to be very instinctual, very intuitive. Then

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you're working well with fear already. If there's danger, panics

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going to need to come in. If there's something out

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in the future, anxiety is going to need to come in.

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But fear is about the present moment and at its

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most subtle place, it's simply your awareness of what's going

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on around you. It's awesome. If you don't have it,

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you're not getting Yeah, we want fear.

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Yeah, Yeah, it's fascinating. I've had some interesting experiences with fear. Okay, now,

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as somebody who's written a book on grief, not both

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of my parents eight years twenty eight days apart, six

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years ago. Now, what are.

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The gifts of grief? Well, grief, as you know, is

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a is a beautiful and necessary emotion. It's mourning, release,

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being able to lament, and being able to honor what

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has been lost forever.

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Yeah.

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If you don't, then you're tends to stack up like

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papers on a desk, and then you just have a

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tremendous amount of grief that you've never been able to

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feel or process, and you don't know how to honor

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the people and the things that are gone.

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That's beautiful, said I wish that I would have had

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you around me as I was publishing that book. That

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would have been a great testimonial or something that can

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sort in there.

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Thank you for that.

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Related then sadness.

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Let's be good for sadness. Yeah, sadness is a beautiful emotion.

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I call it the water bearer or the all purpose

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healing bomb of the soul.

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I love that when the all purpose healing bomb of

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the soul, Yes, ma'am sadness.

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Sadness is different from grief in that sadness comes to

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help you when you're holding onto things that don't work anymore.

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They need to go, So sadness will help you relax

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and let go. With grief, which is a bigger emotion,

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you don't have a choice, right, you didn't have a

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say in it. That is not what's happening. But with

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sadness you still have a choice. And if you can

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let go, there will be room for things that do

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work and are appropriate now. But if you don't let go,

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how does there's no room for you to try new

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things or feel new things.

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And finally, we can't we remiss And Bernie Brown would

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probably be disappointed if we didn't talk about shame.

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I love shame. Shame is such a wonderful emotion, and

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people have been taught to hate it. It is the

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emotion that helps you live up to the agreements and

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the morals and the ethics that are important to you,

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and shame will help you live up to them. It

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will help you live in integrity. The problem with shame

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is that most of us learned about it by being shamed,

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So people were putting shame on us, which is not

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how you want to live. Also, we don't understand that

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if the agreement that we made is unlivable and awful,

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shame still needs us to live up to it. And

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so the work with shame is to figure out what

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you'd agree to and maybe give shame a little vacation. Right,

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if your shame feels awful, your shame probably feels awful

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to itself too, because what you're trying to live up

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to is abusive. And so the work is, like, do

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I believe that anymore? Has that ever served me? What

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was I thinking when I picked that agreement up? You know,

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something like no one will love you until you're perfect. Yeah,

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that's not a good thing to have, you know, pinging

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around in your psyche that it's not useful.

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Yeah, what a beautiful way to explain the gifts of

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just a few of our emotions. Carla, this is amazing

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time for our short break. I'm your host, Doctor release Cortest.

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We've run the year with Carla and McLaren. An author, educator,

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social science researcher, empathy expert, and workplace consultant for applying

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work Dynamic emotional integration is a groundbreaking process that reveals

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the genius in healing power within the emotional realm. We've

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been talking a bit about the gifts of emotions. After

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the breakway get into what to do with emotions. We'll

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be right back.

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Doctor Elise Cortes is a management consultant specializing in meaning

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and purpose. An inspirational speaker and author. She helps companies

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visioneer for greater purpose among stakeholders and develop purpose inspired

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leadership and meaning infused cultures that elevate fulfillment, performance, and

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commitment within the workforce. To learn more or to invite

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a lease to speak to your organization, please visit her

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at Elisecortes dot com. Let's talk about how to get

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your employees working on purpose. This is working on purpose

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with doctor Elise Cortes. To reach our program today or

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to open a conversation with Elise, send an email to

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Elise Alisee at Eliscortes dot com. Now back to Working

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on Purpose.

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Thanks for staying with us, and welcome back to Working

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on Purpose. I'm your host, doctor Elise Cortes. As I'm

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dedicated to helping create a world where people realize their

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potential at work. I led by inspirational leaders that help

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them find and contribute their greatness, and we do business

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at Betters the World. I keep researching and writing my

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own books, so my last one came out in March

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of twenty twenty three. It's called a Great Revitalization How

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activating meaning and purpose can radically in live in your business.

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And I wrote it and to help leaders understand the

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lay of today's workplace, workforce land what do they want,

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need to be their best and want to stick around.

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You can find my books on Amazon or my personal

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site at least Cortes dot com if you are just

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now joining us. My guest is Carla McLaren. She's the

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developer of the online learning communityimpathy academy dot org and

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the author of the brand new Language of Emotions workbook,

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The Power of Emotions at Work in Embracing Anxiety, which

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we've been talking about today. So I think we've queued

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up very well, and I think we've got our listeners

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and viewers' attention about the importance and the gifts of emotions. Now,

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let's talk a little bit about what we do with

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these things now that we're aware of them. So you

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offer at least three things that we can do with them.

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At least three things. I think one most of us

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learned about emotions was to either repress them or express

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them outward. Both of those kind of throw away the emotion.

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We don't want it. And what I teach people is

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to work with the emotion as an ally, as a friend.

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And we call this channeling the emotion, and by that

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I mean to actually channel it, channeling water in the

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way that it wants to go. So, if you know

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that anxiety is about motivation and task completion, you would

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focus yourself on that instead of I don't want to

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feel anxious anymore. I just want to feel calm. Right,

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Just wanting to feel calm is repression of anxiety. And

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so I have questions that you can ask each emotion

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that helps you channel it appropriately. Anger for instance, what

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do I value? What must be protected and restored? Anxiety?

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What brought this feeling forward? So you're kind of searching

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for what the importance is and then what truly needs

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to be done. Because if you're kind of riled up

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by anxiety, you can do I mean, we've all done

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it where you're just Okay, now I'm going to fix

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this paper and wait does that need to be painted?

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And then have about this and then you've done a

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lot of stuff. Nothing ever got done so with anxiety.

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Because so it's so energetic, you do need to help

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it a little bit. Yeah, make priorities or sadness, which

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we talked about as the all purpose healing bottom of

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the soul. It is what must be released and what

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must be rejuvenated. Rejuvenated is me if I've been holding

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onto things forever and just not being willing to let go.

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It's befriending your emotions, becoming allies, becoming good listening partners

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with each other and knowing that they come to help.

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I think that for some people listening to this, that's

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this is all going to sound like we've just come

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in from the moon and we're talking a whole foreign language,

400
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but it's I think it's so refreshing and so necessary

401
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and so happy to have you on and share.

402
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You're welcome.

403
00:22:48.839 --> 00:22:52.839
So you mentioned a couple of empathetic, empathic mindfulness practices

404
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in your book. I just wanted to cover, you know,

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maybe a couple. Conscious complaining is really kind of playful

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and fun.

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Conscious complaining I created. When I started this work, I

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was like most people, and I didn't understand my emotions

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and I just wanted them to go away. Conscious complaining

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is a solo practice, and you can also do it

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with a partner where you just tell it like it

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is and with no repercussions. Right, So it's a private practice.

413
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It's a private thing. And to say, I'm complaining now,

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and I start with complaints, and usually I start with

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anger because anger sets boundaries, so it's generally protecting the

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softer emotions. And I start with why iotta, And then

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within about two minutes, I'm like, I miss my mother.

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You know, it's like there's all these things on top

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of it, but each of the emotions gets that's involved,

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gets a chance to speak in conscious complaining, and as

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you know, nobody wants to listen to you complain. So

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all of these things that are wanting to come out

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and be said, you cannot say them. So I created

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this practice for myself and then noticed that it worked

425
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for other people too. It's brilliant.

426
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It's brilliant. And then the other one that I thought

427
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was kind of interesting if you could speak to is

428
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the idea of burning contracts.

429
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Burning contracts is a wonderful shame practice. We look at

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the agreements you've made about what ethics you hold and

431
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what morals you hold as contracts sort of like I'm

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going to be this kind of a person. I'm going

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to be this, this is how I'm going to behave,

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and this is how it's going to be. And we

435
00:24:38.680 --> 00:24:41.160
don't remember that at one point in our lives we

436
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chose that. We thought, I like how that person does that,

437
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and I'm gonna I'm going to do that too, or

438
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my grandma feels this way and I'm going to feel

439
00:24:49.839 --> 00:24:52.359
that way too. We don't remember that we chose it,

440
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and they become like ironclad contracts. And with burning contracts,

441
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it's a chance to say this is what I this

442
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is what I believe, this is how I thought life was,

443
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but it's not working for me anymore. A lot of

444
00:25:07.920 --> 00:25:13.079
people don't even know it's a possibility to shift morals

445
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and ethics and rules that your family brought down on you.

446
00:25:16.720 --> 00:25:19.799
They don't even know it's a possibility. Yeah, yeah, Well

447
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their shame is working on things that are thirty years

448
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old and they no longer apply. But the person is

449
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just constantly fighting with this thing, and so it really

450
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it gives back choice and agency about how you're going

451
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to live.

452
00:25:37.880 --> 00:25:41.200
So amazing, so much, there's so much freedom and enjoy

453
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waiting for us out there once we do this work,

454
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which is just part of what I'm about to help

455
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with organizations and individuals as well. So it's just amazing

456
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to get your expertise on this. I also along those lines, Carl,

457
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it was really it helped me to recognize when you

458
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talk about the three nuances of emotions. I really thought

459
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I was incredibly useful. If you can just maybe explain

460
00:26:02.559 --> 00:26:05.039
that and maybe give an example of what that looks like.

461
00:26:05.720 --> 00:26:08.920
Yeah, that comes from the Emotional Vocabulary list and the

462
00:26:09.000 --> 00:26:14.960
work on developing your emotional vocabulary. A lot of people

463
00:26:15.000 --> 00:26:18.720
don't know that emotions arise at many different levels of intensity.

464
00:26:18.880 --> 00:26:21.160
So when they think of anger, they think of anger

465
00:26:21.240 --> 00:26:24.839
eleven out of ten, right, you know, people with steam

466
00:26:24.880 --> 00:26:26.640
coming out their ears. And I was like, well, that's

467
00:26:26.920 --> 00:26:30.799
intense anger. But there's also medium anger. There's soft anger.

468
00:26:31.359 --> 00:26:38.680
Soft anger might be crabby or cranky or independent. Medium

469
00:26:38.720 --> 00:26:45.440
anger might be cold, disinterested, exasperated, And intense anger might

470
00:26:45.480 --> 00:26:52.720
be fury, fierceness, raging. Right, And if you have an

471
00:26:52.720 --> 00:26:57.640
emotion that generally goes to eleven, it's really important to

472
00:26:57.680 --> 00:27:01.839
start understanding that emotion through vocabulary when it's at one,

473
00:27:02.680 --> 00:27:04.480
so that you can learn to work with it. Then

474
00:27:04.599 --> 00:27:06.960
a lot of people don't even catch their emotion, they're

475
00:27:07.000 --> 00:27:11.200
not feeling it until it gets so loud that nobody

476
00:27:11.240 --> 00:27:14.119
could handle it, right, nobody could work with that emotion

477
00:27:14.240 --> 00:27:15.279
coming right out the gate.

478
00:27:16.839 --> 00:27:21.359
Yeah, that's really incredible that piece of advice right there, Carlos,

479
00:27:21.400 --> 00:27:24.839
or learning how to be able to feel and hear

480
00:27:25.359 --> 00:27:27.559
and sense those emotions when they get to one or

481
00:27:27.559 --> 00:27:30.119
two instead of you know, takes us, you know, to

482
00:27:30.160 --> 00:27:32.480
get our attention that they're at seven, eight, nine or ten.

483
00:27:33.119 --> 00:27:35.319
That is right there, I think just worth the price

484
00:27:35.319 --> 00:27:38.039
of admission to this whole podcast right there. So thank

485
00:27:38.079 --> 00:27:41.519
you for that. And then we would also be remiss

486
00:27:41.559 --> 00:27:44.559
if we didn't talk about this idea of when emotions

487
00:27:44.640 --> 00:27:48.119
repeat continually and do not resolve, or when they overwhelm

488
00:27:48.200 --> 00:27:49.640
you or the people in your life that it's just

489
00:27:49.680 --> 00:27:52.799
too much, and you really talk about you know, when

490
00:27:53.000 --> 00:27:55.599
when we our emotions and feelings have been trying to

491
00:27:55.599 --> 00:27:58.480
get our attention, we just haven't been able to resolve them,

492
00:27:58.799 --> 00:28:01.160
no matter how many times we question or attend to

493
00:28:01.240 --> 00:28:01.839
their gifts.

494
00:28:02.359 --> 00:28:05.880
Then maybe it's n that we get some help. Yeah. Yeah,

495
00:28:05.920 --> 00:28:07.240
there are a lot of times you're going to need

496
00:28:07.279 --> 00:28:11.640
support with your emotions because we just don't. We just

497
00:28:11.759 --> 00:28:13.799
aren't taught how to work with our emotions. We're not.

498
00:28:14.599 --> 00:28:18.640
And even in psychology, which is where people go to

499
00:28:18.680 --> 00:28:21.119
deal with their emotions, there's not a lot that's taught

500
00:28:21.119 --> 00:28:25.240
about emotion. The work that I do comes from sociology

501
00:28:25.279 --> 00:28:30.880
and anthropology because those guys have got the emotions down.

502
00:28:31.519 --> 00:28:35.079
But are you going to go to an anthropologist, No,

503
00:28:35.640 --> 00:28:40.119
you're not almost anthropologist. So you know, we kind of

504
00:28:40.160 --> 00:28:42.440
go and just try to work on what we can

505
00:28:42.519 --> 00:28:47.599
work on. But it really can help, right, It really

506
00:28:47.599 --> 00:28:54.920
can help to develop your emotional vocabulary and and learn

507
00:28:55.039 --> 00:29:00.160
to learn to befriend your emotions when they're soft, and

508
00:29:00.240 --> 00:29:01.839
that you'll be a friend to them as they get

509
00:29:01.880 --> 00:29:04.920
stronger and stronger, and you'll get stronger with them. So

510
00:29:04.960 --> 00:29:07.599
then when you're just feeling rage, you're going to be

511
00:29:07.640 --> 00:29:12.400
able to maintain your behavior. You're not going to be,

512
00:29:12.519 --> 00:29:15.720
you know, a canon going off. You will understand what's

513
00:29:15.759 --> 00:29:17.279
going on. Mm hmm.

514
00:29:18.319 --> 00:29:20.079
You know you mentioned something, but you're not going to

515
00:29:20.119 --> 00:29:23.519
go through to an anthropologist. One of my colleagues is

516
00:29:24.119 --> 00:29:27.799
called to me the empathetic Anthropologist, and I like that.

517
00:29:27.880 --> 00:29:30.160
I think that works a lot for me, right, But

518
00:29:30.640 --> 00:29:32.400
so it's funny that you said you're going to go

519
00:29:32.440 --> 00:29:33.319
through an anthropologist.

520
00:29:34.079 --> 00:29:35.400
Well you might maybe.

521
00:29:35.119 --> 00:29:39.680
It's me, But so, you know what I think is

522
00:29:39.680 --> 00:29:42.279
so beautiful about this, and of course Daniel Goldman's work.

523
00:29:42.279 --> 00:29:44.559
I mean, I'm really recognizing if we can recognize our

524
00:29:44.640 --> 00:29:48.119
own emotions first and foremost, how do we how are

525
00:29:48.119 --> 00:29:50.279
we feeling? Putting names to them such and regulate them,

526
00:29:50.279 --> 00:29:52.720
and be able to recognize other people's emotions and then

527
00:29:52.799 --> 00:29:55.240
work with them the power of that, And you know,

528
00:29:55.440 --> 00:29:57.039
I don't think you or I could go through a

529
00:29:57.160 --> 00:29:59.799
day to day without hearing that. You know, leaders need

530
00:29:59.839 --> 00:30:02.440
to be emotionally intelligent. I don't think you're gonna miss

531
00:30:02.599 --> 00:30:04.680
there's not There's going to be a headline somewhere that

532
00:30:04.759 --> 00:30:07.119
says that, yes. But what I think, what I the

533
00:30:07.160 --> 00:30:09.000
reason I wanted to have you on is I believe

534
00:30:09.000 --> 00:30:12.839
that the work that you're doing, it really empowers people

535
00:30:12.839 --> 00:30:15.240
to be able to do those four quadrants beautifully.

536
00:30:16.039 --> 00:30:20.680
Yeah. Yeah, emotions are you know, one of the quadrants

537
00:30:20.720 --> 00:30:24.519
of the of the psyche that is just so overlooked.

538
00:30:25.279 --> 00:30:27.920
Everybody wants to talk about the intellect, or work on

539
00:30:27.960 --> 00:30:32.160
their body or do their spirituality, but emotions are like yeah, yeah, no,

540
00:30:32.960 --> 00:30:36.400
that's that's no good. That's no good. So it's in

541
00:30:36.440 --> 00:30:39.799
the shadow, right, Emotions are in the shadow of almost anything.

542
00:30:39.839 --> 00:30:41.920
And if you've done any shadow work, you know that's

543
00:30:41.920 --> 00:30:45.599
where the gold is. That's where the amazing stuff is

544
00:30:45.640 --> 00:30:49.079
in the shadow. So I'm like, let's go, let's go

545
00:30:50.000 --> 00:30:50.920
get the gold.

546
00:30:51.400 --> 00:30:53.920
Well, and if you take it one to another step further,

547
00:30:54.000 --> 00:30:56.720
if you look at like Esther and Jerry Hicks's work,

548
00:30:56.799 --> 00:30:59.920
for example, their book The Vortex, they really talk about

549
00:31:00.119 --> 00:31:03.200
that in order for you to really bring forth the

550
00:31:03.200 --> 00:31:05.920
best possible life that you that you can have for yourself,

551
00:31:06.000 --> 00:31:09.279
is learning how to feel your way into your best

552
00:31:09.400 --> 00:31:16.440
highest feeling mentality or mindset. So your capacity to really

553
00:31:16.480 --> 00:31:19.200
have the life, the highest potential life that you can

554
00:31:19.240 --> 00:31:23.640
have for yourself is dependent on your capacity to experience

555
00:31:23.759 --> 00:31:26.039
more often those higher level emotions.

556
00:31:26.279 --> 00:31:28.200
Is that beautiful? Yeah?

557
00:31:28.880 --> 00:31:31.720
Yeah, Well, and with that, let's take our last break,

558
00:31:31.720 --> 00:31:33.440
because after the break, I do want to talk about

559
00:31:33.440 --> 00:31:36.480
it a few of those higher level emotions. I'm your host, doctor,

560
00:31:36.480 --> 00:31:38.720
Release coretes. We've got on the air with Carla McLaren,

561
00:31:38.759 --> 00:31:43.319
an author, educator, social science, social scientist, researcher, empathy expert,

562
00:31:43.359 --> 00:31:48.039
and workplace consultant. Her applied work dynamic emotional integration is

563
00:31:48.039 --> 00:31:51.119
a groundbreaking process that reveals the genius and healing power

564
00:31:51.119 --> 00:31:54.000
within the emotional realm. We've been getting into more details

565
00:31:54.000 --> 00:31:56.240
as to just the power and the gifts of emotions,

566
00:31:56.519 --> 00:31:59.839
talking about anger and fear, things like that. After break,

567
00:32:00.000 --> 00:32:02.200
we're going to talk about some of the emotions that

568
00:32:02.279 --> 00:32:04.799
are in the higher realm of happiness and joy and

569
00:32:05.000 --> 00:32:06.160
how they function for us.

570
00:32:06.319 --> 00:32:07.119
We'll be right back.

571
00:32:22.720 --> 00:32:26.319
Doctor Elise Cortes is a management consultant specializing in meaning

572
00:32:26.359 --> 00:32:30.160
and purpose. An inspirational speaker and author, she helps companies

573
00:32:30.240 --> 00:32:34.039
visioneer for greater purpose among stakeholders and develop purpose inspired

574
00:32:34.119 --> 00:32:38.079
leadership and meaning infused cultures that elevate fulfillment, performance, and

575
00:32:38.160 --> 00:32:41.400
commitment within the workforce. To learn more or to invite

576
00:32:41.400 --> 00:32:44.160
a lease to speak to your organization, please visit her

577
00:32:44.200 --> 00:32:47.440
at elisecortes dot com. Let's talk about how to get

578
00:32:47.480 --> 00:32:56.279
your employees working on purpose. This is working on Purpose

579
00:32:56.400 --> 00:32:59.640
with doctor Elise Cortes. To reach our program today or

580
00:32:59.680 --> 00:33:02.440
to open a conversation with Elise, send an email to

581
00:33:02.519 --> 00:33:08.039
Alise A Lise at elisecortes dot com. Now back to

582
00:33:08.200 --> 00:33:09.279
working on Purpose.

583
00:33:14.759 --> 00:33:16.440
Thanks for Jane with us, and welcome back to working

584
00:33:16.440 --> 00:33:19.119
on Purpose. I'm your host, doctor Elise Cortes. I mentioned

585
00:33:19.119 --> 00:33:21.200
in the last break that my latest book came out

586
00:33:21.279 --> 00:33:23.839
on the Great Vitalization. What it did for you is

587
00:33:23.880 --> 00:33:27.000
I created a very simple three page assessment that you

588
00:33:27.000 --> 00:33:29.960
can pull off my website and will help you understand

589
00:33:29.960 --> 00:33:32.279
the extent to which your culture today is meeting the

590
00:33:32.319 --> 00:33:35.559
standards of today's discerning workforce and give you some ideas

591
00:33:35.440 --> 00:33:37.039
of just where you might want to shore things up.

592
00:33:37.240 --> 00:33:40.720
You can cind it at gustodashnow dot com. If are

593
00:33:40.799 --> 00:33:43.279
just now joining us. My guest is Carl McLaren, the

594
00:33:43.319 --> 00:33:46.559
developer of the online learning community Empathy academy dot org

595
00:33:46.799 --> 00:33:49.079
and the author of the brand new Language of Emotions

596
00:33:49.119 --> 00:33:52.319
workbook The Power of Emotions at Work and Embracing Anxiety.

597
00:33:53.200 --> 00:33:56.039
So for this last segment here, I wanted to really

598
00:33:56.079 --> 00:33:59.039
focus on some of those what I would consider to

599
00:33:59.039 --> 00:34:03.559
be the higher emotion emotional states, and you call that

600
00:34:03.640 --> 00:34:08.800
the happiness family. So talking about happiness, contentment, and joy.

601
00:34:10.199 --> 00:34:12.880
Let's start with happiness. Talk to me about happiness and

602
00:34:12.920 --> 00:34:14.920
gives some happiness? Does it give us?

603
00:34:15.400 --> 00:34:18.400
Yeah, let's talk about these three emotions because there's some

604
00:34:18.440 --> 00:34:22.639
of the most abused emotions that I've ever seen. It

605
00:34:22.760 --> 00:34:27.360
breaks my heart. Using happiness, they're a little happiness, contentment,

606
00:34:27.440 --> 00:34:31.599
and joy. People thought those are the emotions to have. Right,

607
00:34:32.239 --> 00:34:36.280
of all the seventeen emotions, only happiness, contentment, and joy

608
00:34:36.440 --> 00:34:40.360
live in the allegedly positive emotions category. Now, one of

609
00:34:40.400 --> 00:34:42.199
the things I say is there's no such thing as

610
00:34:42.239 --> 00:34:44.280
a positive emotion and there's no such thing as a

611
00:34:44.320 --> 00:34:48.679
negative one. But what happens if people think emotions are

612
00:34:48.719 --> 00:34:50.719
positive is they want to have them all the time,

613
00:34:50.760 --> 00:34:54.320
no matter what. And if they think emotions are negative.

614
00:34:54.760 --> 00:34:57.159
They don't want to ever feel them. And if we

615
00:34:57.280 --> 00:35:01.559
understand these as equally important parts of cognition, you do

616
00:35:01.639 --> 00:35:04.280
not want to get rid of them, right. You don't

617
00:35:04.400 --> 00:35:06.480
want to not have them, and you don't want to

618
00:35:06.480 --> 00:35:10.159
overuse them. So a lot of times, for instance, when

619
00:35:10.199 --> 00:35:14.440
we talked about anxiety, people want to go to happiness right,

620
00:35:14.480 --> 00:35:18.280
and anxiety is like, we got stuff to do, friend you,

621
00:35:18.679 --> 00:35:25.280
and you'll be happy when we finish this stuff. These

622
00:35:25.280 --> 00:35:28.199
three emotions are beautiful, but they cannot hold up the

623
00:35:28.199 --> 00:35:32.519
psyche by themselves, and for most people that's what they

624
00:35:32.559 --> 00:35:36.599
would like, so it's important to understand them. Happiness is

625
00:35:37.599 --> 00:35:42.599
sort of a very light, lovely kind of momentary emotion

626
00:35:42.880 --> 00:35:46.840
that helps you know that there's possibilities and hope and

627
00:35:46.920 --> 00:35:51.960
laughter and amusement and gayety and yay. The questions are

628
00:35:52.000 --> 00:35:55.480
what delights me and what makes me feel hopeful. So

629
00:35:57.000 --> 00:35:59.639
there are times in your life where things are not

630
00:35:59.719 --> 00:36:03.559
delightful and there is no hope. If you try to

631
00:36:03.559 --> 00:36:08.199
go to happiness during that time, happiness will say, what

632
00:36:08.239 --> 00:36:12.559
are you even doing? Because this situation needs some serious

633
00:36:12.599 --> 00:36:15.800
emotional fixing. And if you just want to come over

634
00:36:15.880 --> 00:36:20.280
with me, nothing's going to change, right. So that's what

635
00:36:20.360 --> 00:36:22.119
a lot of people will do with happiness. I just

636
00:36:22.159 --> 00:36:24.400
want to have fun. I just want to laugh, I

637
00:36:24.440 --> 00:36:26.960
just want to feel up. I'm like, that's great too,

638
00:36:27.519 --> 00:36:30.440
But these other emotions are coming to tell you, look,

639
00:36:30.480 --> 00:36:34.199
this relationship with this job is terrible and we've got

640
00:36:34.239 --> 00:36:37.280
to get out. You know. The other emotion in the

641
00:36:37.280 --> 00:36:42.840
happiness family, there's two more is contentment. And contentment tells

642
00:36:42.880 --> 00:36:46.719
you it's your self esteem, but it tells you when

643
00:36:46.760 --> 00:36:51.599
you've done something that you appreciate or that you recognize.

644
00:36:51.679 --> 00:36:54.639
And the question for contentment is how have I embodied

645
00:36:54.679 --> 00:36:59.679
my authentic values. Contentment and shame are connected because if

646
00:36:59.719 --> 00:37:02.880
you're holding on to values that are not authentic or

647
00:37:02.920 --> 00:37:06.440
not livable, your contentment is going to have a very

648
00:37:06.440 --> 00:37:08.880
hard time coming up to be heard because you're not

649
00:37:08.960 --> 00:37:11.480
living up to your values. And this is the thing

650
00:37:11.519 --> 00:37:14.960
where your agreements and your morals and your ethics, if

651
00:37:14.960 --> 00:37:19.639
they're unlivable, if they're cruel, then your contentment is going

652
00:37:19.679 --> 00:37:21.480
to be pretty low. And a lot of people want

653
00:37:21.480 --> 00:37:23.320
to work on their self esteem, Like I want to

654
00:37:23.440 --> 00:37:27.159
raise my self esteem and like, it's not a contentment

655
00:37:27.280 --> 00:37:32.800
problem here. My friend it's your shaming. Contracts are not livable,

656
00:37:33.119 --> 00:37:36.920
so your contentment can't get up in a healthy psyche.

657
00:37:37.360 --> 00:37:40.840
It's a lovely it's a lovely emotion, but it really

658
00:37:40.840 --> 00:37:42.880
has to be balanced with shame, because if you don't

659
00:37:42.880 --> 00:37:46.519
have enough shame, your contentment may think that everything you

660
00:37:46.599 --> 00:37:52.880
do is great. And contentment is what you see in bullies, right,

661
00:37:53.400 --> 00:37:55.639
they bully you and they think, haha, I'm the best

662
00:37:55.639 --> 00:37:58.400
person ever. You would think bullies have low self esteem. No,

663
00:37:58.480 --> 00:38:01.960
they have inflated self esteem without shame to balance them.

664
00:38:02.599 --> 00:38:07.840
They aren't empathic. Yeah, they can't be empathic without their

665
00:38:07.880 --> 00:38:11.960
shame managing their behavior. Of course, we've all had shame

666
00:38:12.039 --> 00:38:15.079
goal over the top, like that's a terrible agreement that

667
00:38:15.119 --> 00:38:18.519
I made. I don't want that anymore. It's awful. So

668
00:38:18.719 --> 00:38:23.880
contentment is a lovely emotion, but it is responding to

669
00:38:23.920 --> 00:38:26.280
things you're doing that are a part of your authentic values.

670
00:38:26.800 --> 00:38:30.039
And so that's when it comes out. And then joy.

671
00:38:30.599 --> 00:38:37.320
Joy is lovely. It's a massive emotion. It's an extremely expansive, radiant,

672
00:38:37.360 --> 00:38:40.719
blissful emotion, and it kind of drops your boundaries and

673
00:38:40.760 --> 00:38:45.519
it helps you uptake a surprising, delightful experience it just

674
00:38:47.679 --> 00:38:50.280
life has changed and now we are people who have

675
00:38:50.400 --> 00:38:54.360
experienced this. The question is what brings me deep connection

676
00:38:54.480 --> 00:38:58.320
and infinite expansion. The second question is how do I

677
00:38:58.519 --> 00:39:03.639
integrate this radiant experience? Because a joyful experience can be

678
00:39:03.719 --> 00:39:07.159
very on grounding, and it's supposed to be. You have

679
00:39:07.199 --> 00:39:09.800
to be very careful with joy. The Dowday Chain calls

680
00:39:10.679 --> 00:39:15.039
joy the most dangerous emotion, and I bet they don't

681
00:39:15.079 --> 00:39:16.639
say that in joy groups.

682
00:39:16.880 --> 00:39:20.599
You know, they will tell you that that joy is

683
00:39:20.679 --> 00:39:25.199
a very powerful period of your life changing because you

684
00:39:25.320 --> 00:39:30.119
have been exposed to something just grand and massive and inspirational.

685
00:39:30.599 --> 00:39:35.280
And so as the Buddhist teacher Jack Cornfield says, after

686
00:39:35.320 --> 00:39:41.559
the ecstasy, the laundry, oh.

687
00:39:41.400 --> 00:39:43.519
My gosh, evidently notable.

688
00:39:43.840 --> 00:39:49.199
Yes, that's a good one. Yeah, So with joy, it's

689
00:39:49.320 --> 00:39:52.880
very important to keep a balance with that powerful emotion.

690
00:39:53.039 --> 00:39:56.960
Another emotion that's similar to that is grief, where you

691
00:39:57.119 --> 00:39:59.960
drop everything because your life will never be the same again,

692
00:40:00.599 --> 00:40:03.840
you know, And if you stay in grief too long,

693
00:40:04.840 --> 00:40:10.159
that can be difficult too. Yeah. So these three emotions,

694
00:40:10.639 --> 00:40:13.920
you know, in my psyche they have a couch. They

695
00:40:13.920 --> 00:40:15.800
each have a couch they can go sit on like

696
00:40:15.840 --> 00:40:18.559
you don't have to be circus ponies in this world.

697
00:40:18.920 --> 00:40:22.800
You can just rest when things are really crappy. You

698
00:40:22.840 --> 00:40:26.119
don't have to get up. Okay, I will handle it.

699
00:40:26.920 --> 00:40:28.599
With these other emotions.

700
00:40:28.079 --> 00:40:32.960
Over here, Such a beautiful way tis to yourself and

701
00:40:33.000 --> 00:40:36.760
talk about self love. That's just so beautiful. Well, I

702
00:40:36.800 --> 00:40:38.719
want to dig down just a little bit here because

703
00:40:38.840 --> 00:40:41.920
I think that some of these emotions are really really

704
00:40:41.960 --> 00:40:45.039
interesting from the research that I've been doing. And I

705
00:40:45.119 --> 00:40:47.119
love your perspective. You may have a different perspectives, but

706
00:40:47.159 --> 00:40:51.360
I thought I remember reading somewhere that joy is our

707
00:40:51.519 --> 00:40:52.840
longest lasting emotion.

708
00:40:53.000 --> 00:40:53.880
No, is that right?

709
00:40:54.679 --> 00:40:56.760
And something else that is on the other end of

710
00:40:56.760 --> 00:40:58.800
that is is our grieflest emotion. Do you have any

711
00:40:58.840 --> 00:40:59.519
insight into that?

712
00:41:00.440 --> 00:41:03.960
Well, it's so specific to the person in the situation.

713
00:41:04.239 --> 00:41:07.880
Okay, okay, Well, then I would like to dig into

714
00:41:08.440 --> 00:41:11.440
wonder in AWE. I had Monica Parker on my podcast.

715
00:41:12.039 --> 00:41:14.599
I think it was January of last year. She's brilliant,

716
00:41:14.880 --> 00:41:16.519
she wrote, I think had two hundred and eighty three

717
00:41:16.559 --> 00:41:19.840
page book on wonder. It was amazing how much I

718
00:41:19.960 --> 00:41:24.039
learned from her about wonder. Your perspective on wonder.

719
00:41:24.800 --> 00:41:26.559
I would say, wonder and aw I live in the

720
00:41:26.760 --> 00:41:31.719
realm of joy. Yeah, okay, that's why I brought happiness too, right.

721
00:41:31.880 --> 00:41:34.800
Happiness is about Yay, look at this awesome thing. You know,

722
00:41:34.880 --> 00:41:36.800
let's look forward to it. So yeah, I would put

723
00:41:36.800 --> 00:41:38.000
those in the joy area.

724
00:41:39.360 --> 00:41:42.360
And then Keltoner. I think it's Keltner Dotcher who wrote

725
00:41:42.360 --> 00:41:44.400
and pad the book on awed and he discovered there

726
00:41:44.400 --> 00:41:47.320
are basically eight major ways people tend to experience awe

727
00:41:47.360 --> 00:41:51.480
and there could be nature, and they could be you know, moral, beauty,

728
00:41:51.519 --> 00:41:53.440
et cetera. Anyway, all kinds of things that I thought

729
00:41:53.440 --> 00:41:57.639
were interesting. But in both cases, especially the further because

730
00:41:57.880 --> 00:42:01.960
Monica Parker talks about five kinds of aspects of wonder

731
00:42:02.400 --> 00:42:04.400
and I forget what they all are. But I know

732
00:42:04.480 --> 00:42:07.280
that there's a woe, a wonder, and a wow in there.

733
00:42:07.320 --> 00:42:09.480
I know that a wittle in there. But the latter

734
00:42:09.559 --> 00:42:11.360
ones are the ones that speak to what you were

735
00:42:11.360 --> 00:42:16.239
talking about, where we experience such an expanseness that our

736
00:42:16.280 --> 00:42:18.559
mental models can't make sense of it, and therefore we

737
00:42:18.639 --> 00:42:22.079
literally are expanded in the process, which I think is

738
00:42:22.119 --> 00:42:24.639
really really fascinating, and that, of course is interesting to

739
00:42:24.639 --> 00:42:26.639
me as somebody who is trying to help people elevate

740
00:42:26.679 --> 00:42:27.719
their consciousness.

741
00:42:28.079 --> 00:42:34.679
Yeah, perspective on that. I think the joy that I

742
00:42:34.719 --> 00:42:39.119
was talking about is really expansive. That would be intense joy, right. See,

743
00:42:39.119 --> 00:42:41.400
we can have joy that is in the medium and

744
00:42:41.440 --> 00:42:44.639
in the soft spaces as well. I think to make

745
00:42:45.000 --> 00:42:48.519
major change in your life, joy is one of the

746
00:42:48.519 --> 00:42:51.280
emotions that would lead that. There are other emotions too,

747
00:42:51.880 --> 00:42:57.719
Susie Lurge, grief, depression, hatred. Hatred is a huge one

748
00:42:57.719 --> 00:42:59.639
if you want to make changes in your life, if

749
00:42:59.639 --> 00:43:02.320
you know what you're doing. Hatred is beautiful if you don't.

750
00:43:03.159 --> 00:43:10.280
Everybody run okay because yeah, yeah, But I like to

751
00:43:10.360 --> 00:43:14.280
let joy do what it does on its own because

752
00:43:14.280 --> 00:43:19.440
it's so manipulated in most psyches. Happiness too. I just

753
00:43:19.880 --> 00:43:23.400
like to let the joyful thing come to me, right,

754
00:43:23.599 --> 00:43:28.039
instead of creating it. One of the things I was

755
00:43:28.079 --> 00:43:31.360
a cult survivor and I'm a cult researcher. One of

756
00:43:31.360 --> 00:43:35.079
the ways that people are ungrounded and made to stay

757
00:43:35.199 --> 00:43:38.239
in a cultic environment is through what's called love bombing,

758
00:43:38.679 --> 00:43:45.960
which keeps people in a state of joy, constant, exhausting

759
00:43:46.039 --> 00:43:52.519
state of joy, and that that attaches people to the group.

760
00:43:53.239 --> 00:43:56.079
That extreme emotion will attach people to the group and

761
00:43:56.119 --> 00:43:59.679
make it so that they can't they can't leave because

762
00:43:59.719 --> 00:44:02.760
the in the group, right, they've never felt it to

763
00:44:02.840 --> 00:44:06.320
that extent. So it's a it's an interesting manipulation of

764
00:44:06.360 --> 00:44:09.280
a human emotion that can be very dangerous. I think

765
00:44:09.280 --> 00:44:11.719
the Dowday ching is like, we didn't know wrong cults,

766
00:44:11.719 --> 00:44:12.679
but we were right about this.

767
00:44:14.360 --> 00:44:16.840
You know what a powerful experience to have, Carl, I

768
00:44:16.840 --> 00:44:19.440
didn't know that about your background. That is powerful And

769
00:44:19.480 --> 00:44:23.320
the intensity of emotions is very, very, very interesting. Two things.

770
00:44:23.360 --> 00:44:24.679
I think we need to go back and make sure

771
00:44:24.719 --> 00:44:26.440
that we visit what you just kind of brought up there,

772
00:44:26.480 --> 00:44:28.679
served up there on hatred. And the reason I think

773
00:44:28.679 --> 00:44:30.760
that's important is, you know, today's times, there's such a

774
00:44:30.800 --> 00:44:33.079
divisiveness going on, and I would hate to leave people

775
00:44:33.400 --> 00:44:35.559
hanging or maybe guessing as to what you meant by that.

776
00:44:35.639 --> 00:44:38.920
So could you say a bit more about when hatred

777
00:44:39.039 --> 00:44:40.440
is actually a good thing than when it's not a

778
00:44:40.440 --> 00:44:40.800
good thing.

779
00:44:42.239 --> 00:44:45.400
I called hatred the profound mirror. It's not like anger

780
00:44:45.480 --> 00:44:50.039
where you're just cranky with someone and you've lost you know,

781
00:44:50.039 --> 00:44:52.760
you're stepping across their boundaries or they're stepping across theairs.

782
00:44:52.800 --> 00:44:56.960
It's a blown out boundary, and hatred is full of

783
00:44:57.039 --> 00:44:59.880
projection toward the other. If you know how to do

784
00:44:59.920 --> 00:45:02.840
that work of hatred and its shadow work that Carl

785
00:45:02.880 --> 00:45:07.840
Jung developed, the questions are what has fallen into my

786
00:45:07.920 --> 00:45:12.280
shadow and what must be reintegrated. What it means is

787
00:45:12.320 --> 00:45:16.840
that you've become an unhole person, that you've lost huge

788
00:45:16.880 --> 00:45:19.079
parts of yourself, and when you see it in another

789
00:45:19.119 --> 00:45:23.400
person and you're not fully conscious yet, you will likely

790
00:45:23.480 --> 00:45:28.039
hate it or adore it. Both hatred and adoration or

791
00:45:29.000 --> 00:45:31.320
are the same. They're the same in the brain, they're

792
00:45:31.360 --> 00:45:34.480
the same kind of behavior. If you can do your

793
00:45:34.480 --> 00:45:37.480
shadow work, write down what you see in that person

794
00:45:37.519 --> 00:45:39.679
and see if those are any of the things that

795
00:45:39.719 --> 00:45:43.679
you can be, You can become whole, you can integrate

796
00:45:44.400 --> 00:45:47.559
if you just throw your hatred at them. The next

797
00:45:47.599 --> 00:45:49.320
world is going to be a lot like this one,

798
00:45:50.000 --> 00:45:53.960
right there won't be. So when we see people expressing

799
00:45:54.000 --> 00:45:59.000
hatred toward immigrants or women or trans people, for God's sakes,

800
00:45:59.679 --> 00:46:04.119
there is something inside that person that is unfinished and

801
00:46:04.480 --> 00:46:07.000
they need to call it out in another person the

802
00:46:07.039 --> 00:46:09.559
way that it has been called out to them. So

803
00:46:09.599 --> 00:46:12.679
it's kind of like, you know, extending the violence that

804
00:46:12.719 --> 00:46:15.920
has been done to the self. And once we get

805
00:46:16.079 --> 00:46:19.119
boundaries and grounding and understand emotions, we can do some

806
00:46:19.159 --> 00:46:23.079
of the most profound work in the world is shadow work.

807
00:46:24.599 --> 00:46:27.960
That was incredibly powerful, Carla, Thank you for that distinction

808
00:46:28.039 --> 00:46:31.719
health acause understand hatred amazing. Okay, So I want to

809
00:46:31.719 --> 00:46:34.000
finish with this. One of the things I love doing

810
00:46:34.039 --> 00:46:36.000
as an inspirational speaker. When I go out to speak

811
00:46:36.000 --> 00:46:39.599
to audiences, I'm really looking to be able to touch

812
00:46:39.639 --> 00:46:42.320
their souls. You know, it really touched them in a way.

813
00:46:42.360 --> 00:46:44.599
And really my gauge is if there aren't tears, I

814
00:46:44.599 --> 00:46:46.519
didn't do it right. If people don't get moved to

815
00:46:46.559 --> 00:46:50.159
tears somehow, then I didn't actually bring my message home?

816
00:46:51.159 --> 00:46:55.599
Can you? So what is you know, what is that

817
00:46:55.719 --> 00:46:56.280
help me get.

818
00:46:56.239 --> 00:46:58.559
Language around that? When I'm trying to touch someone's soul.

819
00:46:58.760 --> 00:47:06.840
What emotion am I trying to provoke there? What is that? Well?

820
00:47:06.960 --> 00:47:09.719
Sadness? I would say, because you're asking them to let

821
00:47:09.800 --> 00:47:15.239
go of a preconceived idea right before you're looking for tears,

822
00:47:15.280 --> 00:47:20.760
You're looking for them letting go of something. Yeah, and

823
00:47:20.800 --> 00:47:22.000
that does bring a healing.

824
00:47:23.559 --> 00:47:23.760
Yeah.

825
00:47:23.800 --> 00:47:26.920
I've watched a really good show that just makes you

826
00:47:27.000 --> 00:47:33.679
cry and cry and you're tired, but it changes you. Yeah,

827
00:47:33.719 --> 00:47:34.280
I love that.

828
00:47:34.320 --> 00:47:36.480
I think that's absolutely part of it. I also think

829
00:47:36.480 --> 00:47:39.320
that what I'm hoping to do is to situate such

830
00:47:39.320 --> 00:47:42.360
a beautiful possibility for them to walk into that it

831
00:47:42.440 --> 00:47:45.840
moves them. Yeah, And so I think what I what

832
00:47:45.920 --> 00:47:47.719
you've just helped me do is I do think I'm

833
00:47:47.800 --> 00:47:50.840
navigating both of those spectrums when I'm out speaking. Yes,

834
00:47:50.880 --> 00:47:53.679
I do want them if I see what are you

835
00:47:53.719 --> 00:47:56.320
passionate about? And you don't know the answer to that? Yeah,

836
00:47:56.639 --> 00:47:59.079
I think maybe I want to evoke some sadness in there,

837
00:47:59.199 --> 00:48:02.239
because you can do something with that sadness. So that

838
00:48:02.360 --> 00:48:05.440
was very helpful, Carla. Thank you for just you know,

839
00:48:05.559 --> 00:48:07.800
serving me on the show here never any of the

840
00:48:07.800 --> 00:48:09.599
listeners and viewers who might be listening to this, but

841
00:48:09.639 --> 00:48:12.880
thank you for me. So you know by now that

842
00:48:12.960 --> 00:48:14.719
the show is listened by people around the world, and

843
00:48:14.719 --> 00:48:17.119
they generally tend to come if they like the topic

844
00:48:17.199 --> 00:48:19.679
or if they really are trying to become better leaders themselves,

845
00:48:19.960 --> 00:48:22.760
they're trying to do something that improves their their workplace.

846
00:48:22.960 --> 00:48:24.119
What I would you like to leave them with.

847
00:48:26.480 --> 00:48:30.440
Just to know that emotions don't cause problems. Your emotions

848
00:48:30.599 --> 00:48:34.760
arise to help you deal with and solve problems. And

849
00:48:34.800 --> 00:48:37.840
if you can learn their language, you can change everything

850
00:48:37.920 --> 00:48:38.440
for the better.

851
00:48:39.840 --> 00:48:42.719
That's beautiful. Thank you, Carlo. I am so happy to

852
00:48:42.760 --> 00:48:45.000
know you, and as I say, you help me tremendously.

853
00:48:45.000 --> 00:48:46.719
I've learned so much from you already and I look

854
00:48:46.760 --> 00:48:49.039
forward to diving into more of your work, and listeners

855
00:48:49.039 --> 00:48:50.599
and viewers you are going to want to learn more

856
00:48:50.599 --> 00:48:54.199
about this amazing woman, her Empathy Academy, her various books,

857
00:48:54.199 --> 00:48:55.639
the work that she does. You can go to a

858
00:48:55.639 --> 00:48:58.079
couple of different places to learn about her. First is

859
00:48:58.119 --> 00:49:01.360
her own site, It's Carla McLam Let me spell that

860
00:49:01.440 --> 00:49:06.599
for you, Carla k r l A McClaren mc l

861
00:49:06.760 --> 00:49:10.280
a r e n Carla McLaren dot com. Her other

862
00:49:10.360 --> 00:49:15.159
site is Empathy Academy dot org. Last week, if you

863
00:49:15.199 --> 00:49:16.840
missed the live show, you can always catch it being

864
00:49:16.840 --> 00:49:19.559
recorded a podcast. We were on air with Christie Pretzinger

865
00:49:19.679 --> 00:49:22.239
talking about how she built and grew her healthcare content

866
00:49:22.320 --> 00:49:25.920
company All one hundred percent Remote, through an insistence on

867
00:49:25.960 --> 00:49:29.679
self awareness, kindness, and vulnerability. Next week, we'll be on

868
00:49:29.679 --> 00:49:32.960
the air with Chavan McHale talking about her new book,

869
00:49:33.159 --> 00:49:36.679
The High Minded Work, Harnessing group intelligence to create meaningful

870
00:49:36.719 --> 00:49:39.280
and lasting change. So you then remember that work is

871
00:49:39.320 --> 00:49:41.360
one of the best adventures and means of realizing our

872
00:49:41.360 --> 00:49:44.320
potential and making the impact we crave. So let's work

873
00:49:44.360 --> 00:49:44.880
on Purpose.

874
00:49:48.119 --> 00:49:50.760
We hope you've enjoyed this week's program. Be sure to

875
00:49:50.800 --> 00:49:54.440
tune into Working on Purpose featuring your host, doctor Elise Cortes,

876
00:49:54.559 --> 00:49:57.880
each week on W four CY. Together we'll create a

877
00:49:57.920 --> 00:50:02.519
world where business operates conscientious leadership inspires and passion performance,

878
00:50:02.639 --> 00:50:05.400
and employees are fulfilled in work that provides the meaning

879
00:50:05.440 --> 00:50:09.239
and purpose they crave. See you there, Let's work on Purpose.