Grit, Grace and Gravitas – Finding Balance in Your Leadership

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What's working on purpose anyway? Each
week we ponder the answer to this question.

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People ache for meaning and purpose at
work, to contribute their talents passionately

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and know their lives really matter.
They crave being part of an organization that

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inspires them and helps them grow into
realizing their highest potential. Business can be

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such a force for good in the
world, elevating humanity. In our program,

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we provide guidance and inspiration to help
usher in this world we all want

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Working on purpose now. Here is
your host, doctor Elise Cortes. Welcome

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back to Working in Purpose program.
Thanks for tuning again this week. I'm

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your host, Doctor Earle's Cortez.
Join you live from Dallas, Texas,

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which is home base for me.
I Wave introduction of a management consultant specializing

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in meaning and purpose, organizational logotherapist, inspirational speaker and author. You can

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learn more about me at at least
Coortes dot com orgustodashnow dot com. To

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find out ways we can work together. Let me thank my partner and sponsor

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Work Proud. We are a perfect
collaboration. Everyone wants to know they matter

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and that the work they do is
meaningful and appreciated. Work Proud is a

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mobile platform built to encourage employees to
share stories and recognize each other's contribution.

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Work Proud empowers hr and business leaders
to help create company cultures where all employees

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are inspired to feel proud of their
work and proud of their company. You

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can find more about them at workproud
dot com. With us today are the

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authors of Grit, Grace, and
Gravitas, the three keys to transforming leadership,

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presence and impact. Jane Firth is
the founding partner of Firth Leadership Partners

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and joined us today from Pennsylvania.
Andrew Zins's president of Strategic Leadership Resources and

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joys today from Nevada. Jane and
Andrett, Welcome to Working on Purpose.

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Thank you, Thank you so great
to have you. Look at this beautiful

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book they wrote. It is just
gorgeous. For those of you that are

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coming in via video, it's just
simply gorgeous. So we're going to talk

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this first segment about your backgrounds and
your approach to leadership and why grace is

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so important for you. You've centered
your message around grace, so to do

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that, let's just hear a little
bit from each of you about yourselves.

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You've both been you dedicate yourself to
developing leaders in your career, and I'm

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interested to find out where your fascination
with leadership came from and why this is

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your why. Well, I'll go
first. When I was a young girl,

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I was inspired by my mother,
who worked her way up the ladder

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in advertising within a large US company. And this was during the nineteen sixties,

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so having been an entrepreneur in the
past running her own holiday cards studio.

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She was ambitious, smart, glamorous, principled and gracious, and in

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a company where leaders were all men, she rose from the worst level in

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the large advertising department to become the
vice president of advertising and a member of

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the corporate executive leadership team. Now, my mother often brought me into her

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office to hang out just to observer
at work, and during my college days

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she gave me work in her company
as an intern. Now, in that

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corporation, I observed many inequities,
a lack of empathy, appreciation, and

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respect in that culture, and I
saw how employees suffered. And this inspired

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me to switch my undergraduate work to
majoring in leadership and organization development, developing

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better cultures that help everyone to feel
psychologically safe, happy in their work environments.

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Now I chose to become a leadership
coach and a change agent to make

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a positive difference in their successes.
Beautiful, thank you, and so James,

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Well, it's hard to answer this
question, but I believe we all

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come into this world with a purpose
to find and fulfill and we have moments

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in our lives that give us important
clues along the way as to what that

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is. We find ourselves drawn to
certain people. We have experiences are quite

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painful, and some show us what
we're capable of. And if we're lucky,

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there are people who see something in
us and help us see that too.

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And at the beginning of figuring out
my career, I was a young

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parent. I've been through some very
challenging times and I met someone very special

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and became a new read. My
husband was extremely supportive of me, and

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this mattered so much. He supported
me through the rigors of getting my master's

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in organizational dynamics, where my focus
was leadership and the psychology of leadership,

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so bringing in my interest in that, and he supported me in meeting the

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demands of the programs and the work
I did to become a coach. And

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in the beginning in a very organic
way. People began coming to me for

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advice and support, and I started
to see that that's what people needed from

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me, and then my work just
naturally evolved into a focus on the leadership.

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I can see and feel important differences
in leaders who genuinely care about the

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lives of the men and women they
lead, and I continue to be inspired

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by their extraordinary efforts and dedication.
But you know, we're all just ordinary

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people, and that is true of
exemplary leaders as well. In truth,

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they are just ordinary people willing to
do extraordinary things for and with the men

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and women they lead, and that, to me is pure inspiration. I

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think so too, and I've had
the chance to know several really phenomenal leaders

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who've been on the show, just
even just this year. Bob Chapman is

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certainly a great example of that,
and you both know him, so let's

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add him to the mix right now, perfect, All right, Well,

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let's get into the actual components of
your book. I think that the title

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and the content of your book is
very clever. It's a class act book,

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ladies. You just knocked it out
of the park, and I think

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it would be useful for our listeners
and viewers to for you to share.

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What's the definition of those three key
terms that you talk about, grit,

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grace and gravitas. What do they
mean for you? Sure? Well,

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we found that through our experiences that
while every leader is unique, exemplary leaders

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stand out on the basis of three
critical factors. So the first one you

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mentioned is grit, and that's an
uncompromising commitment to performance, excellence, and

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strategic focus. Let me give you
an example. Grit is critical for overcoming

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obstacles, for having difficult conversations,
persistence needed, and getting to a fresh

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finish line. The second is gravitas. Bravtas is having a depth of professional

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knowledge and competence that contributes to excellence
and performance. An example a critical aspect

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of a leader's gravitas due to the
time and energy they've invested to acquire the

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knowledge and skills they have to date, the risks that they've taken, the

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commitment and discipline to excel and ask
a lot of themselves. Well, what

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we've noticed is that exemplary leaders have
a different kind of impact for those they

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lead. Even when difficult challenges arise, the net effect of their impact is

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positive and it leads us to grace. So grace is relating to others constructively

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and considerate, empathetic, and genuinely
caring. Ways we've seen that with grit

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and graphtas infused with grace, exemplary
leaders have developed a positive presence that successfully

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integrates their grit and graphtas with grace. Beautiful, absolutely beautiful. And by

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the way, ladies, as you
both know, I read the books cover

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to cover of the guests who come
on my show, So there's several instances

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where I'm going to actually quote what
you said because it's so beautiful and I

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want to preserve the language. So
the next thing that I want to get

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to, and this is really important
for our listeners, leadership is not for

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the fand of heart. This is
hard, hard work, and receiving feedback

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about our leadership and our performance can
be absolutely brutal, right, as we

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all three know, And how we
respond to that gift of feedback makes all

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the difference. And so you write
in your book, I quote when leaders

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get feedback that their executive presence or
actions are ineffective, they have the opportunity

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to look at themselves. Here's where
leaders take the distinctions of our theory model

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and framework and put them to work. Here's where leaders take it upon themselves

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to evolve from the inside out,
where grace becomes their game changer, where

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their approaches, behaviors, connection with
men and women they lead, and their

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demeanor begin to reflect the evolution they
want for themselves. Saying more about that,

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that's just beautiful. Well, here's
the secret to the considerable value of

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grace. It changes your impact for
the better and increases the value, increases

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the value of good and gravitas.
The skills and qualities of grace are rooted

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in using power constructively, and constructive
power is always within our reach, and

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when reach for it, our impact
then changes for the better and it enhances

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our approaches, our behaviors, the
quality of how we connect with people,

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and our demeanor. That's demeanor is
more our attitude and way of being in

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the world. And grace helps us
deal with difficult people and difficult situations with

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compassion and energy and inspiration. So
let's look at one small example of grace

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helping us deal with a difficult situation. Think of a recent time your emotions

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were triggered at work. For instance, maybe someone criticized you in front of

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everyone, in a meeting and you
felt really embarrassed, or perhaps you felt

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upset because you were passed over for
something you'd worked hard for and felt that

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you deserved. Maybe you felt frustrated
in trying to explain something that was important

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that you were trying to get across
to someone. Rather than struggle in the

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moment and find fault with yourself or
blame someone else, grace can give you,

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let's call it, compassionate permission to
take some time to gather your thoughts,

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help you understand the emotions you're feeling
and regain your composure, and when

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you do, you find the clarity
you need to more effectively deal with what

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happened. Yes, very well,
said Jane. That was so clear and

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concise and compelling. And now taking
it a little bit further here, one

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of the other things that you distinguish
in your book's message is you say the

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constructive power of grace is the game
changer for elevating the impact of one's presence

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as a leader. Say more about
that, Well, grace is a game

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changer because it changes the impact of
a leader's presence. So let's look at

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how grace. We see that grace
rests on pillars reaction management and relationship intelligence.

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These both enable a leader to inspire
and empower the men and women they

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lead to face and through difficult times. Now, exemplary leaders work to bring

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people together in meaningful ways to accomplish
the goals that matter. And they are

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able to do this because they use
their constructive power. Their approaches are constructive,

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their behaviors are constructive, the quality
of how they connect with people is

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constructive, and their overall way of
being, it's their demeanor that comes across

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as constructive. So we call the
ABC and D of executive presence and impact.

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So let me give you a quick
example about grit without grace, and

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this worked. Grit without grace can
be abrasive. One's in balance of too

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much grit can come across as domineering. You know, for instance, when

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a leader's rusk in patience or intolerance
is people working on eggshells, or when

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the imbalance of too little grit can
have a leader avoid holding people to account

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or avoid having important conversations. Now, with gravitas without grace, this can

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show up as arrogance. The imbalance
of too much gravitas then comes across as

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a bit condescending the imbalance of too
little gravitas. Well, that can have

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a leader come across as hesitant and
indecisive, which can leave people without guidance

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or clarity in direction. So grace
changes how a leader leads, how a

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leader establishes the culture and the norms
of the culture, and determines the social

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contract of how people relate to one
another. And this directly influences how challenges

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are faced and dealt with, how
obstacles are overcome, how people think and

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work together to innovate and solve problems
and align themselves to achieve what matters.

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Of course, no one of us
is perfect, and every single one as

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it's our foibles and flaws. How
can we address them constructively to go forward

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in better ways? Well, when
we are aspiring to develop ourselves. When

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we're doing that, we start to
look at the gaps between where we are

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and where we want to evolve.
Where do we want to evolve to.

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It's important not to take a judgement
mental view of our flaws, which closes

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down rather than opens us up to
our development. We can't change what we

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haven't owned and taken some responsibility for. But by approaching our flaws constructively,

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we can use them to grow.
Now. Exemplary leaders are aware of their

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foibles and flaws and they take responsibility
for them. You won't find them saying

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this is how I am deal with
it, or using the strategy of doing

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whatever they want and then apologizing later. You'll find them having the difficult conversations

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to restore alignment, and you'll find
them working towards equitable win win outcomes.

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Now, with the skills and qualities
of grace, a leader can manage the

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all important impact of their grit and
their gravitas so that if they find there

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is an imbalance, such within their
ABCS or EECE, they use the constructive

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power to address in balance and resolve
any previous problems. You gave us a

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tremendous lesson in that response. Thank
you, Andrea, and it's time all

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ready for our first break. I'm
your host, doctor Release Cortes. We've

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got on the air with Jane Firth
and Andrea Zince, authors of Grit,

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Grace and Gravitas, the Three Keys
to Transforming Leadership, presence and Impact.

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We've been talking about their initial their
approach to leadership, what got them into

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it. In a bit about the
book, itself and how it's put together.

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After the break, we're going to
talk about the first pillar of grace,

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which is reaction management. Stay with
us, we'll be right back.

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Doctor Release Cortes is a management consultant
specializing in meaning and purpose and inspirational speaker

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and author. She helps companies visioneer
for greater purpose among stakeholders and develop purpose

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inspired leadership and meaning infused cultures that
elevate fulfillment, performance, and commitment within

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the workforce. To learn more or
to invite Elise to speak to your organization,

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please visit her at elisecortes dot com. Let's talk about how to get

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at your employees working on purpose.
This is working on Purpose with doctor Elise

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Cortes. To reach our program today
or open a conversation with Alise, send

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an email to Alease Alise at elisecortes
dot com. Now back to working on

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purpose. Thanks for staying with us, and welcome back to working on purpose.

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As the pandemic has continued on,
we look for ways to help companies

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support their employees handle their anxiety,
their stress, depression, feeling disconnected,

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while also helping to lift and inspire
them with ongoing professional development. So we're

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now offering a new wellbeing webinar series
called Grab Your Gusto Vital Wellbeing from the

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inside Out. If you want to
learn more about it, go to my

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website at leasecorretes dot com or shoot
me an email to Elease at a least

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core test dot com if you're just
joining the program. My guests are Jane

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and Andrea Zince. They are the
authors of Grace and Gravitas, the Three

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Keys to Transforming Leadership, Presence and
Impact to Day from Pennsylvania and Nevada.

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I'm your host, Doctor Releas Cortes. So for this next segment, I

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wanted to dig more deeply into that
first pillar of grace, reaction management.

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I thought that the way that you
organized the book was so useful and I

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really wanted to dive deeper into this
part of it. So here we go.

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So for this first thing that I
wanted to serve up here, I

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thought that you the way that you
distinguished presence is a way that I've really

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seldom seen in any leadership books or
an approach to leadership in the way it's

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discussed, and you actually share work
that Daggerli did in twenty thirteen on executive

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presence and you say, actually,
you sen your book, and I quote

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again. Effective leadership causes people to
act well. Effective executive presence causes people

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to listen. I thought that was
such a powerful distinguishing point. Can you

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say more about that? Yeah?
You know. On the door to Oprah

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Winfrey's office, there was a reads, be responsible for the energy you bring

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into this room. Why is that
important? Because your presence carries energy,

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which in its simplest form is positive
or negative, has an impact. It

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impacts whoever is in the room.
For instance, is your impact warm and

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welcoming? Does it open things up? Does it shut things down? I'll

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give you a really good example.
One of our clients, Mary, we'll

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call her Mary was an executive in
a large financial services firm. Led the

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people in her division through an extremely
difficult period. After the project ended,

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her boss called her into his office
and said, Mary, people are really

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complaining about your leadership. And Mary
is there and she has this incredulous look

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on her face and she says to
him, what do you want? Results

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are happy people? And her boss
responded, Mary, the best leaders achieve

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both. Mary had the grit and
the gravitas to get through this difficult period,

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but lacking the skills and qualities of
grace, her team wound up feeling

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disempowered, disheartened, and very depleted. An exemplary leader would have had a

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more constructive and positive impact on their
team, a knowledge and focus on the

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importance of his or her team's resilience, melding the persistence that comes with grit

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and the know how that comes from
gravitas with the inspiration and energy that comes

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from grace. With grace, a
leader will have the knowledge of how to

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inspire, how to energize, how
to empower the men and women they lead

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in meaningful ways to navigate and find
their way through difficult times. Important to

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remember every single one of us has
a presence, and our presence as an

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impact, and there's no mystery here. You don't have to be an extrovert.

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It's not about something you're born with. The skills and qualities needed to

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transform leadership and your presence are readily
available to you. One of the things

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I was thinking about as you were
sharing your message there, Jane, is

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more and more what I'm seeing as
CEOs chief executive officers are now calling them

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chief themselves chief energy officers, which
I think is splendid and perfect. So

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to your point, yes, it's
fantastic. So in your book you describe

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two of grace. One is a
reaction management the other one is relation relationship

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intelligence. Let's go to reaction management
first because that's the segment here we're talking

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about. So you describe that is
how you handle reactions and emotions determines the

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impact of your presence and the emotional
culture of your organization on a daily basis.

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Your reactions and emotions will influence the
quality of performance, the strength of

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engagement, and the rale of the
men and women you lead. So leadership

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goes hand in hand with challenges.
The ability to deal effectively with our challenges

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includes motivating and inspiring people that we
lead to overcome these challenges. So,

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as a leader, how your presence
influences the successful performance and result depends on

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all of this and more. Research
has shown Jane and I that emotional intelligence

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is more important than IQ for success. Rather than avoiding our emotions, owning,

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naming, and understanding our emotions is
critical for decision making and relationship intelligence

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skills such as empathy, compassion,
generosity, and this leads to career success,

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personal satisfaction, and exemplary leadership.
Every emotion has a message in it

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helps us understand our triggers and our
reactions. Learning to use the intelligence and

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our emotions helps to develop our self
awareness and addresses our capacity to raise the

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quality of our performance and relationships with
those that we're leading. You know,

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speaking of emotions, one of the
things that is so great Aboy getting to

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host the show as and as you
know, I do read the books cover

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to cover. I also take copious
notes typewritten as I go so I can

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preserve exactly what is written. And
I had my daughter come in and listen

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to this part where you distinguish emotions
from feelings. I think this is just

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fantas and I don't really think I've
ever seen anybody make this kind of a

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distinction before, at least the way
that you did it so crisply. So

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I'm going to share again what you
wrote. You say and I quote,

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feelings are different from emotions. Emotions
originate in one subconscious Emotions play out in

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the theater of the body, while
feelings play out in the theater of the

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mind. Feelings originate in the neocortical
regions of the brain. Our mental associations

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and reactions to emotions and are subjective
in being influenced by personal experience, beliefs,

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and memories. A feeling is a
mental portrayal of what is going on

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in your body when you have an
emotion, and is a byproduct of your

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brain perceiving and assigning meaning to the
emotion. Yeah, emotions are felt in

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the body and they become wrapped in
our thoughts and triggers a reaction, changing

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our emotional state to one where we
have the amygdala in our brain. We

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haven't distinguished that yet, but this
is a part of our brain where the

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instinct to fight or flight kicks in. The amygdala is the oldest part of

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our brain and it gives us emotional
cues signaling danger. So when triggered,

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it doesn't feel very good, and
our brains are searching for a way to

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relieve the discomfort, irritation, embarrassment, or anxiety or apprehension or general unease

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we feel when our reactions are triggered. Reaction management helps to bring us closer

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to a calmer state. It helps
us remain our presence of mind so we

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can think more clearly about what to
do to help ourselves. Many of you

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probably know about Victor Frankel. He
was an Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist, and

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he was also a Holocaust survivor.
And one of the significant countrybutions of his

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work were the ideas and practices the
way called logotherapy. His most famous book,

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Mansearch for Meaning, outlines how his
theories helped him survise molo cost experience,

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and how that further developed and reinforced
his ideas. And he created this

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simple equation between stimulus and response.
There's his space, and in that space

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lies our freedom and our power to
choose our response. In that response lies

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our growth and our happiness. And
here's the brain science we all need to

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know. When the amigdola is triggered, our higher order thinking, which is

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located in the prefrontal cortex, cuts
down. Part of managing our reactions is

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recognizing that in the space, with
Difrankel describes, sometimes we need a little

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time and a little self discipline to
process what triggered our reaction. By managing

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our reactions, we're able to recognize
that the amygdala has taken over. We

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see the fight or flight reaction inside
of ourselves, and in that moment between

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stimulus and response, we can elevate
our presence of mind to choose our response.

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Think of doing so as like moving
from one room in our brain to

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another. We leave the room where
the amygdala beckons us to fight or run

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away, and we regain the benefits
of higher level thinking that by virtue of

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managing our reactions is available to us. Here's where we can call on our

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constructive power and deal with our reactions
from there. Listeners and viewers, if

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you need to go back and replay
that over and over again, what she

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just shared with us, that is
so powerful, and if you can get

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access to what she's talking about and
start getting acumen in that area, it

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is totally a game changer. So
beautifully narrated, Jane, that just gorgeous.

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I want to go a little bit
deeper here too, because one of

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the things I like about hosting this
show is I like very much to talk

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about conceptual ideas that inspire as we're
doing. But I also have to be

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able to give some how to's that
kind of that that people can apply.

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So this idea of getting better at
the at reaction management, as you were

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saying, Jane, is really important. And you say that people lack the

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skills to handle the more difficult human
emotions constructively. They spend a lot of

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time in the reactive zone. That's
that amignmalisone we were talking about. And

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then you offer a set of steps
to take when we are triggered by something

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to restore our constructive power. Can
we hear a little bit about those steps?

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Sure? So? In our research, euroscience points us to where our

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reactions come from. As we've been
saying here that the goal is to have

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the skills to manage our reactions in
ways that provide us with the ability to

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more quickly restore our perspective, our
presence of mind, and access to our

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higher order thinking. Reaction management skills
change and elevate a leader's perspective towards others

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emotional reactions. So let's consider how
a reaction management, how reaction management can

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transform the impact of a leader's presence. So I'm let to use an example.

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We'll look at one of our clients, a leader that we're calling Kyle.

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Now, Kyle is a sales executive
relatively new to his role, and

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early on a situation took place in
his new role that gave him the opportunity

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to put the reaction management skills learning
into some practice. So here's what happened.

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In preparation for a quarter executive meeting. Kyle's new team prepared the market

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information and sales projections he needed for
the meeting, and the team, wanting

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to make the results seem better than
they were and not wanting to admit that

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they were struggling with certain sales and
profits results, provided Kyle with projections that

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were way too optimistic about the remainder
of the year and even the year to

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follow. Now, it didn't occur
to Kyle to double check the report he

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received, and he made the mistake
of taking the work at case value.

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Now. As a result, in
the executive meeting, Kyle found himself in

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an uncomfortable, compromised position from the
point of view of the CEO and his

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peers. He looked as though he
wasn't on top of his market trends and

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lacked control over his team. So
this was embarrassing, and he froze like

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a deer in the headlights. He
didn't become defensive, but he kept his

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closure outwardly, but inwardly, his
mind was racing. He shrank back,

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waiting for the meeting to end.
He wanted to get back to his office

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as quickly as possible and process what
had happened in private. How did Kyle

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manage his reactions and go forward well. His first step was to recognize the

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tension he was feeling. He noticed
that his hands were shaking, and he

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took some slow breath to calm himself. Secondly, Kyle looked more deeply at

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the emotions he was feeling and the
messages that they contained, and he realized

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that he felt exposed and embarrassed,
and he felt his hands Because he was

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taking that time, he stopped shaking, His hands stopped shaking, and he

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felt his composure returning. The next
thing, he asked his administrator to hold

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his cold for thirty minutes. He
closed his door, took out his paper

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and pen, and lighting the word
embarrassed at the top of the page,

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he listed his concerns and thoughts.
Next, he wrote down the word anxiety,

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which was the name of that emotion, and listed the thoughts and concerns

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that came through his mind about his
team. He saw his responsibility for having

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taken the information his team had given
the face value. Well, Kyle thought

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about what would be an outcome worth
having, and he wrote down some notes

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for himself when he envisioned outcomes like
strengthening his relationship with his team and stepsy

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could take to restore his reputation with
his peers and his boss. Now Here

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are a few of the actions he
did take. Kyle then met with his

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boss, took responsibility, and asked
for advice about the approaches he could take

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with his team and his peers.
Secondly, he pulled his staff together to

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discuss the experience he had at the
executive meeting. He let them know that

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Strake talk non state was critical and
how we wanted them to work together going

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forward. And he said to them, the facts are the facts, and

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we can work with them and strategize
together whatever they are. Thirdly, Kyle

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and his stat establish their rules of
engagement. The team worked through a plan

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that Kyle approved and they clearly understood
what would be expected from So While it

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may seem that it would take a
lot of time to go through these steps,

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think about the time and energy it
would take to deal with the residual

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damage. If this kind of situation
is allowed to go unchecked without reaction management,

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situations like this can derail teamwork in
productivity too, So a morale and

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performance can suffer when you're not using
reaction management skills. The watching management helps

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us understand how to keep morale high, how to help people find their footing

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with unexpected situations and challenges, and
how to help team members who are facing

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demands that are increasing the pressure they're
in. Thank you, Andrea, So,

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listeners and viewers again, I can
I can almost guarantee that the story

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that Andrea shared there you can rest, you can reresonate with that on some

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level, being embarrassed in a meeting
like that, So going back again to

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replay what she shared about how to
handle that and the steps she took,

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those are those are golden. And
on that note, let's grab our last

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break. I'm Elice Cortez, your
host. We've been on the air with

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Jane Firth and Andrea z Ens,
the authors of Grit, Grace, and

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00:34:31.800 --> 00:34:36.920
Gravitas, the three keys to transforming
leadership, presence and impact. We've been

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talking about relation or reaction management.
After the raak, we're going to get

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into relationship intelligence, the second peer
of Grace. Stay with us, we'll

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be right back. Doctor Release Cortez
is a management consultant specializing in meaning and

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purpose and inspirational speaker and author.
She helps companies visioneer for greater purpose among

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stakeholders and develop purpose inspired leadership and
ay infused cultures that elevate fulfillment, performance,

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00:35:04.000 --> 00:35:07.559
and commitment within the workforce. To
learn more or to invite Elise to

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00:35:07.599 --> 00:35:13.559
speak to your organization, please visit
her at elisecortes dot com. Let's talk

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00:35:13.559 --> 00:35:23.800
about how to get your employees working
on purpose. This is Working on Purpose

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with doctor Elise Cortes. To reach
our program today or open a conversation with

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00:35:29.559 --> 00:35:36.880
Alise, send an email to a
lease Alise at elisecortes dot com. Now

395
00:35:37.280 --> 00:35:46.599
back to working on Purpose. Thankteresting
with us, and welcome back to working

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00:35:46.639 --> 00:35:50.280
on Purpose. I wanted to let
you know that while we've been in the

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pandemic, I had a baby.
Yes, it's a book. It looks

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like this. I'm sorry it discovers
us saying that it's called Purpose Ignited,

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00:35:59.440 --> 00:36:04.239
How Inspire Leaders, Ignite Passionate Element
cause it's on Amazon. I really wrote

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it to awaken readers to their passion
and their purpose and turn them into inspirational

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leaders that really elevate the contribution of
people in the workplace as well as the

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wait business is done. So I
hope you'll give it a read and tell

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00:36:15.079 --> 00:36:17.159
me what you think about it if
you're just joining us. My guests today

404
00:36:17.239 --> 00:36:21.440
are Jane Firth and Andrew Zince.
They are the authors of Grit, Grace

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00:36:21.480 --> 00:36:24.159
and Gravitas, The Three Keys to
Transforming Leadership, Presence and Impact. I'm

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00:36:24.199 --> 00:36:28.760
your host, doctor LEAs Cortes.
So for this last segment here, we're

407
00:36:28.760 --> 00:36:31.760
going to talk about relationship intelligence.
We've got about twelve minutes or so that

408
00:36:31.760 --> 00:36:35.760
we can to work on this.
And one of the things that you do

409
00:36:35.840 --> 00:36:37.760
so well in your book and also
in this sharing here is the stories.

410
00:36:37.800 --> 00:36:43.639
The stories really help explain why how
these work. And so you emphasize throughout

411
00:36:43.639 --> 00:36:47.039
the book that there's importance in using
grace when grit and gravitas fall out of

412
00:36:47.039 --> 00:36:52.360
balance. So can you give us
an example of this and how finding this

413
00:36:52.440 --> 00:36:55.880
balance can make a positive difference for
us in leadership. So, as Andrew

414
00:36:55.880 --> 00:37:00.920
and are I were doing our research, we met with a leader we'll call

415
00:37:00.039 --> 00:37:08.199
Raina. As we talked, she
identified strengths that she saw in herself and

416
00:37:08.280 --> 00:37:14.519
in a very judgmental way, she
contrasted what she saw as her own strengths

417
00:37:14.679 --> 00:37:20.800
with the weaknesses she found in others, and her criticism centered around other women

418
00:37:20.880 --> 00:37:25.039
in her organization, especially the way
they came to meetings with upper management.

419
00:37:27.159 --> 00:37:31.360
She judged them for sounding as if
they lacked confidence or didn't know what they

420
00:37:31.360 --> 00:37:39.440
were talking about. And they lacked
gravitas, is what she said, because

421
00:37:39.519 --> 00:37:45.400
Rena was lacking in the skills and
qualities of grace. She was missing the

422
00:37:45.519 --> 00:37:52.599
inclination to offer her guidance to help
them develop. Think about how much more

423
00:37:52.679 --> 00:37:59.440
valuable she could have been to her
organization and to the very people she was

424
00:37:59.480 --> 00:38:06.519
criticized, and she had some of
the skills and qualities of grace. Here's

425
00:38:06.599 --> 00:38:12.880
how she was described in interviews with
her team. Quote she pontificates, she

426
00:38:12.960 --> 00:38:21.440
comes across as pompous, officious,
and condescending end quote. So these concerns

427
00:38:21.519 --> 00:38:27.639
that were expressed show the negative impact
of her presence. Would she have been

428
00:38:27.760 --> 00:38:32.639
surprised to them that others would have
given anything to avoid having to deal with

429
00:38:32.679 --> 00:38:39.119
her. Yeah, she had gravitas
once who also had grit both way out

430
00:38:39.119 --> 00:38:44.320
of balance. She had a wealth
of experience, and she would have tough

431
00:38:44.440 --> 00:38:50.880
conversations. She was thorough, she
was tenacious, but she acted in an

432
00:38:51.039 --> 00:38:55.400
arrogant and condescending manner that had a
very negative impact on the people she led

433
00:38:55.559 --> 00:39:00.719
and worked with. You just think
about what could she you've accomplished had the

434
00:39:00.760 --> 00:39:07.840
grit and gravita she possessed and infused
the constructive power of grace. And when

435
00:39:07.840 --> 00:39:14.480
a leader supports and empowers those they
lead, a very different order of results

436
00:39:14.519 --> 00:39:21.079
becomes possible. Exemplary leaders know how
to encourage and bring out the best and

437
00:39:21.199 --> 00:39:25.960
those they lead, and they know
how to create a space that is safe

438
00:39:27.639 --> 00:39:32.480
for people to excel. Again,
the stories really helped because I think when

439
00:39:32.519 --> 00:39:37.159
you talk about the different characters that
you're describing, many listeners can say,

440
00:39:37.159 --> 00:39:39.320
oh, yes, I know someone
like that, or maybe that sounds like

441
00:39:39.360 --> 00:39:44.199
me. So I appreciate very much
how you've constructed the stories to share.

442
00:39:44.239 --> 00:39:49.480
It just help so much so.
Your second pillar of grace you discussed is

443
00:39:49.519 --> 00:39:52.159
relationship intelligence. We talked about reaction
management in the last segment, and you

444
00:39:52.199 --> 00:39:57.239
say for this, you say,
relationship intelligence provides a leader with knowledge of

445
00:39:57.280 --> 00:40:00.559
emotions, how and why they affect
people in their perform ormance, and the

446
00:40:00.599 --> 00:40:05.679
skills involved in elevating emotional operating states
from negative to neutral to positive. And

447
00:40:05.719 --> 00:40:08.679
you say, with its roots in
brain science and emotional intelligence, relationship intelligence

448
00:40:08.679 --> 00:40:13.360
provides critical knowledge for bringing out the
best in people and empowering them when it

449
00:40:13.400 --> 00:40:17.920
matters most. Another example to illustrate
this one, Yes, so let's take

450
00:40:17.960 --> 00:40:21.880
a look at an example of a
client. We're going to call Craig,

451
00:40:22.360 --> 00:40:27.760
who was an associate commissioner in a
government role. Now, he successfully evolved

452
00:40:27.800 --> 00:40:32.480
his leadership through increasing his relationship intelligence. And this is how, with the

453
00:40:32.519 --> 00:40:37.239
help of a leadership with a leadership
assessment like a three point sixty, Craig

454
00:40:37.519 --> 00:40:44.119
identified some of his spoibles and flaws. For example, he lacked skills for

455
00:40:44.239 --> 00:40:51.079
listening and creating the conditions for dialogue
and collaboration among his team, and this

456
00:40:51.199 --> 00:40:55.760
was really getting in his way.
Among his aspirations was a sincere desire to

457
00:40:55.760 --> 00:41:02.039
become a better leader with his teams. So relationship intelligence begins with the relationship

458
00:41:02.119 --> 00:41:08.079
you have with yourself. This involves
increasing self awareness. The way you relate

459
00:41:08.119 --> 00:41:14.639
to yourself directly connects to the way
you relate to others. Something of great

460
00:41:14.719 --> 00:41:20.920
value takes place when you maximize your
ability to relate to yourself and others as

461
00:41:20.960 --> 00:41:27.840
well through your constructive power. So
everyone Craig worked with thought he was brilliant

462
00:41:28.360 --> 00:41:32.320
and valued his knowledge and experience.
The problem was that he used his brilliance

463
00:41:32.320 --> 00:41:37.400
in ways that it closed everyone else
out. He wanted to be the leader

464
00:41:37.440 --> 00:41:40.039
with the best ideas and solutions,
and he thought that this would add value

465
00:41:40.079 --> 00:41:45.320
and be of service to others.
Now, as Craig became more self aware,

466
00:41:45.880 --> 00:41:50.119
he realized that he gained a great
deal of satisfaction by giving others his

467
00:41:50.199 --> 00:41:55.440
advice, but he also sought in
balance and his gravitas, thinking one's opinion

468
00:41:57.000 --> 00:42:01.159
is the only one that matters.
Going on and on in pedantic speaking only

469
00:42:01.280 --> 00:42:06.960
on set and not listening to receive, he became more aware of how he

470
00:42:07.039 --> 00:42:10.000
defaulted to using up the air in
the room by doing all the talking,

471
00:42:10.880 --> 00:42:15.760
citing evidence to defend his points,
and insisting that his advice would be the

472
00:42:15.760 --> 00:42:22.440
best way to solve problems. Now, in considering the feedback, he realized

473
00:42:22.480 --> 00:42:27.440
that he lacked the awareness and skills
required for asking questions, listening, for

474
00:42:27.559 --> 00:42:34.440
understanding, creating the conditions for dialogue
and collaboration. He embraced the skills that

475
00:42:35.079 --> 00:42:39.280
he could build that would result in
a more engaging relationship with the stakeholders,

476
00:42:39.599 --> 00:42:46.119
improve the ideas, and increase his
constructive power. So Craig worked on a

477
00:42:46.199 --> 00:42:52.880
development plan to address the imbalances in
his gravitas and develop his impact with others.

478
00:42:53.239 --> 00:43:00.599
He focused his plan to ask engaging
questions of his team peers to what

479
00:43:00.639 --> 00:43:06.559
others thought, he proposed and carefully
considered their challenges and ideas. Now,

480
00:43:06.599 --> 00:43:10.000
he let his team need that he
was working on these skills so they know

481
00:43:10.119 --> 00:43:15.800
what to look for. The reactions
of his teams were astounding. They began

482
00:43:15.880 --> 00:43:23.440
to experience Craig's changes immediately and they
actually enjoyed the engaging collaboration that they were

483
00:43:23.480 --> 00:43:30.679
having in their meetings. And this
his leadership became much more exemplary. So,

484
00:43:30.760 --> 00:43:35.280
if we go back to our original
definition of exemplary, Craig became a

485
00:43:35.360 --> 00:43:40.199
model of inspiration as his team and
peers watched him evolve right before their eyes.

486
00:43:42.159 --> 00:43:49.920
As Craig learned from his journey,
relationship intelligence skill include essential social skills

487
00:43:49.960 --> 00:43:57.440
that help leaders evolve their presence and
impact. Constructive power includes providing psychological safety

488
00:43:57.519 --> 00:44:02.559
with others, listening with appreciation and
respect for them, generosity, and elevating

489
00:44:02.639 --> 00:44:10.199
others' emotional space, such as keeping
morale high in difficult times. So as

490
00:44:10.360 --> 00:44:14.400
I listened to that, one of
the things I got present to Andrew was

491
00:44:14.639 --> 00:44:17.639
just the huge potential we have as
human beings to learn, grow and change.

492
00:44:17.679 --> 00:44:22.679
And I always stand on the place
of inspiration for that very moment.

493
00:44:22.039 --> 00:44:25.920
It is possible to learn and change
radically ourselves. And so listeners and viewers,

494
00:44:25.960 --> 00:44:31.800
as you're hearing this, this is
your opportunity to join us on the

495
00:44:31.880 --> 00:44:36.039
dance floor with us. This is
really compelling of what we can do as

496
00:44:36.039 --> 00:44:37.880
a human being to learn and grow. So that was a beautiful rendition.

497
00:44:39.360 --> 00:44:43.760
So we have maybe time for just
one more question here and what I want

498
00:44:43.800 --> 00:44:45.840
to get to because I think it's
again something that you distinguished beautifully in your

499
00:44:45.840 --> 00:44:49.480
book that I haven't really seen in
too many others, And that gets to

500
00:44:49.519 --> 00:44:52.079
the internal bearings piece. And so
you right, and again I quote,

501
00:44:52.519 --> 00:44:58.880
defining your internal bearings begins with a
deeply personal exploration. Your highest leadership aspirations

502
00:44:58.880 --> 00:45:01.039
are the result of reflection, and
that helps you define your higher purpose as

503
00:45:01.039 --> 00:45:06.000
a leader, contributions that hold meaning
for you, and answering the question what

504
00:45:06.119 --> 00:45:08.880
kind of leader is it important for
me to be and why? Your highest

505
00:45:08.880 --> 00:45:13.440
aspirations reflect what matters most to you
in your life. They are essential illness

506
00:45:13.440 --> 00:45:16.119
in your internal bearings. Never heard
the phrase internal bearings, But this kind

507
00:45:16.199 --> 00:45:22.000
of self knowledge and critical or clarification
is tremendously important. So can you say

508
00:45:22.039 --> 00:45:27.519
a little bit more about that for
us? Andrew and I'll both talk about

509
00:45:27.559 --> 00:45:30.159
this. So we talk a lot
in the book about the importance of being

510
00:45:30.199 --> 00:45:38.480
able to elevate emotional operating states.
Identifying your highest leadership aspirations elevates your internal

511
00:45:38.559 --> 00:45:44.960
state, and it elevates your energy, and it elevates your emotions. So,

512
00:45:45.079 --> 00:45:51.159
as a leader, what words help
you capture the essence of your higher

513
00:45:51.199 --> 00:45:55.639
purpose? What kind of impact do
you want to have? What values matter

514
00:45:55.719 --> 00:46:02.360
to you? When you keep your
purpose and your highest aspirations present, they

515
00:46:02.400 --> 00:46:09.679
provide you with an important way of
guiding yourself from within, similar to a

516
00:46:09.840 --> 00:46:16.199
math work of this, they give
you your internal bearings as a person and

517
00:46:16.320 --> 00:46:23.480
as a leader. Reading and absorbing
them each day connects you with the energy

518
00:46:23.480 --> 00:46:29.239
and inspiration of what you've been able
to put into words for yourself. And

519
00:46:29.320 --> 00:46:32.000
this is the whole of the matter. More than just words on a page

520
00:46:32.559 --> 00:46:37.760
that you'll place in a desk drawer
somewhere and forget about. When you keep

521
00:46:37.800 --> 00:46:44.960
your highest aspirations alive and present for
yourself, you elevate the energy and essence

522
00:46:45.519 --> 00:46:52.719
your leadership and your presence and your
impact. Andrew, do you want to

523
00:46:52.760 --> 00:46:55.679
say a little more about this now, or I'll give you another example.

524
00:46:55.880 --> 00:47:02.320
You know one of the aspirations an
executive identified for himself, He said,

525
00:47:02.599 --> 00:47:07.239
he wrote, psychological safety is important, and I want to lead in a

526
00:47:07.280 --> 00:47:14.159
way that people are able to embrace
their accountabilities without the fear of getting into

527
00:47:14.159 --> 00:47:20.559
trouble. So this aspiration held great
meaning, energy and inspiration for this executive.

528
00:47:21.280 --> 00:47:25.599
And if you do this, yours
wouldhold great meaning, energy and inspiration

529
00:47:25.760 --> 00:47:32.159
for you. So we included this
exercise in our book so that leaders would

530
00:47:32.280 --> 00:47:37.920
have tried have a tried and true
way to connect with what matters to them

531
00:47:37.960 --> 00:47:45.320
most. This process and the answers
revealed serves as a leader's innercompass and a

532
00:47:45.360 --> 00:47:52.880
strategic way to guide a leader's journey. So that just is so beautiful to

533
00:47:52.920 --> 00:47:55.559
me as an identity researcher, because
it really speaks to be getting really clear

534
00:47:55.559 --> 00:47:59.719
about who you are and who you
aspire to be? So beautiful, beautiful

535
00:47:59.719 --> 00:48:04.199
way to to finish this conversation,
so to close, you both know that

536
00:48:04.239 --> 00:48:07.159
this show is listened to people across
the globe and they really come because they're

537
00:48:07.199 --> 00:48:10.840
trying to help create workplaces where people
actually want to come and they thrive,

538
00:48:10.920 --> 00:48:14.199
and they want to become in Spiratu
leaders themselves, and they want to do

539
00:48:14.239 --> 00:48:19.119
business in a way that is more
of a stakeholder capitalistic manner. Knowing that,

540
00:48:19.639 --> 00:48:22.039
just briefly, what would you like
to leave our listeners with? Well,

541
00:48:22.119 --> 00:48:27.159
Andre and I have seen time and
again that what distinguish as great leaders

542
00:48:27.280 --> 00:48:31.000
is their capacity for grace, their
grit, and they're gravitas infuse with the

543
00:48:31.039 --> 00:48:37.679
skills and qualities of grace uplift and
inspire people. And we need to lift

544
00:48:37.760 --> 00:48:43.800
people up. It's taken courage to
look at ourselves honestly, and it's important

545
00:48:43.840 --> 00:48:47.760
to use a non judgmental lens in
doing so. So, as we've said,

546
00:48:49.000 --> 00:48:53.360
we can grow from our foibles and
flaws. Arianna Huffington wrote in her

547
00:48:53.360 --> 00:49:00.880
book The Fourth Instinct that Francoisilo once
told her they were door in time,

548
00:49:00.239 --> 00:49:07.920
and Ariana noted that we are facing
such door in time and opening for great

549
00:49:07.000 --> 00:49:14.239
possibilities of a new being, for
a breakthrough in our evolution for the first

550
00:49:14.280 --> 00:49:21.559
time, something as fast and epic
as the destiny of mankind depends on something

551
00:49:21.679 --> 00:49:27.519
as personal and intimate as the way
each one of us chooses to live,

552
00:49:28.199 --> 00:49:32.519
think, and behave. I'd love
to repeat that one hundred times. It's

553
00:49:32.599 --> 00:49:36.960
beautiful, great way to finish.
Jane and we are out of time,

554
00:49:37.000 --> 00:49:38.400
so let me thank you both for
being on the show. You gave us

555
00:49:38.440 --> 00:49:42.960
a beautiful glimpse into your book and
your souls. Thank you for that.

556
00:49:43.719 --> 00:49:46.559
Wah listeners. If you want to
learn more about Jane Firth and resents their

557
00:49:46.559 --> 00:49:50.840
book and the work they do,
you can start by going to the website

558
00:49:50.920 --> 00:49:55.000
called Gritgracegravitas dot com. And thanks
again to our partnering sponsor, work Prout,

559
00:49:55.039 --> 00:50:00.199
which helps companies build a platform where
your workforce receives meaningful feedback. Thanks

560
00:50:00.239 --> 00:50:02.519
for the work from people from across
your company. Last week. If you

561
00:50:02.519 --> 00:50:06.320
missed the live show, you can
always catch it be recorded podcast. We

562
00:50:06.360 --> 00:50:08.840
were on there with b Voco Landro
talking about her book Do Good at Work,

563
00:50:08.880 --> 00:50:13.719
How simple acts of social purpose drive
success and well being. Next week,

564
00:50:13.760 --> 00:50:15.679
we'll be on the air with Matt
Gerber talking about his truck from Oregon

565
00:50:15.760 --> 00:50:22.519
to seventy five countries where he learned
corporate social responsibility by visiting orphanages everywhere he

566
00:50:22.559 --> 00:50:24.280
goes across the world. See you
there. Remember that works at least a

567
00:50:24.360 --> 00:50:34.079
third of our life. So let's
work on purpose. We hope you've enjoyed

568
00:50:34.079 --> 00:50:37.320
this week's program. Be sure to
tune in too. Working on Purpose featuring

569
00:50:37.360 --> 00:50:43.159
your host, doctor Elise Cortes,
each week on the Voice America Empowerment Channel.

570
00:50:43.800 --> 00:50:50.280
Together, we'll create a world where
business operates conscientiously, Leadership inspires impassioned

571
00:50:50.360 --> 00:50:54.320
performance, and employees are fulfilled in
work that provides the meaning and purpose they

572
00:50:54.440 --> 00:50:59.079
crave. See you there, Let's
work on purpose.