Grit, Grace and Gravitas – Finding Balance in Your Leadership

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What's working on purpose anyway? Each
week we ponder the answer to this question.

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People ache for meaning and purpose at
work, to contribute their talents passionately

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and know their lives really matter.
They crave being part of an organization that

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inspires them and helps them grow into
realizing their highest potential. Business can be

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such a force for good in the
world, elevating humanity. In our program,

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we provide guidance and inspiration to help
usher in this world we all want

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working on purpose. Now. Here
is your host, Doctor Elise Cortez.

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Welcome back to the Working in Purpose
Program. Thanks for tuning again this week.

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I'm your host, doctor Elis Cortez. Jo a new live from Dallas,

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Texas, which is home base for
me by wave introduction of a management

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consultant specializing in meaning and purpose,
organizational logotherapist, inspirational speaker and author.

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You can learn more about me at
at least Courtas dot com or Gusto Dashnow

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dot com. To find out ways
we can work together. Let me thank

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my partner and sponsor Work Proud.
We are a perfect collaboration. Everyone wants

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to know they matter and that the
work they do is meaningful and appreciated.

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Work Proud is a mobile platform built
to encourage employees to share us stories and

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recognize each other's contribution. Work Proud
empowers HR and business leaders to help create

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company cultures where all employees are inspired
to feel proud of their work and proud

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of their company. You can find
more about them at work proud dot com.

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With us today are the authors of
Grit, Grace, and Gravitas,

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the three keys to transforming leadership,
presence and impact. Jane Firth is the

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founding partner of Firth Leadership Partners and
join us today from Pennsylvania and resents as

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president of Strategic Leadership Resources and Gwinds
Today from Nevada. Jane and Andrew,

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Welcome to Working on Purpose. Thank
you, Thank you so great to have

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you. Look at this beautiful book
they wrote. It's just gorge For those

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of you that are coming in NBA
video, it's just simply gorgeous. So

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we're going to talk this first segment
about your backgrounds and your approach to leadership

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and why grace is so important for
you. You've centered your message around grace,

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so to do that, let's just
hear a little bit from each of

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you about yourselves. You've both been. You dedicate yourself to developing leaders in

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your career, and I'm interested to
find out where your fascination with leadership came

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from and why this is your why. Well, I'll go first. When

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I was a young girl, I
was inspired by my mother, who worked

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your way up the ladder in advertising
within a large US company. And this

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was during the nineteen sixties, so
having been an entrepreneur in the past running

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her own holiday cards studio. She
was ambitious, smart, glamorous, principled

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and gracious. And in a company
where leaders were all men, she rose

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from the worst level in the large
advertising department to become the vice president of

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advertising and a member of the corporate
executive leadership team. Now, my mother

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often brought me into her office to
hang out, you just to observe her

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at work, and during my college
days she gave me work in her company

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as an intern. Now, in
that corporation, I observed many inequities,

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a lack of empathy, appreciation,
and respect in that culture, and I

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saw how employees suffered. And this
inspired me to switch my undergraduate work to

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majoring in leadership and organization development,
developing better cultures that help everyone to feel

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psychologically safe, happy in their work
environments. Now I chose to become a

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leadership coach and a change agent to
make a positive difference in their successes.

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Beautiful, thank you, and so
Jane, Well, it's hard to answer

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this question, but I believe we
all come into this world with a purpose

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to find and fulfill, and we
have moments in our lives that give us

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important clues along the way as to
what that is. We find ourselves drawn

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to certain people. We have experiences
we're quite painful, and some show us

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what we're capable of. And if
we're lucky, there are people who see

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something in us and help us see
that too. And at the beginning of

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figuring out my career, I was
a young parent. I've been through some

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very challenging times and I met someone
very special and became another read. My

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husband was extremely supportive of me,
and this mattered so much. He supported

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me through the rigors of getting my
masters and organizational dynamics, where my focus

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was leadership and the psychology of leadership, so bringing in my interest in that,

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and he supported me in meeting the
demands of the programs and the work

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I did to become a coach and
in the beginning, in a very organic

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way, people began coming to me
for advice and support, and I started

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to see that that's what people needed
from me, and then my work just

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naturally evolved into a focus on the
leadership. I can see and feel important

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differences in leaders who genuinely care about
the lives of the men and women they

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lead, and I continue to be
inspired by their extraordinary efforts and dedication.

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But you know, we're all just
ordinary people, and that is true of

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exemplary leaders as well. In true
they are just ordinary people willing to do

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extraordinary things for and with the men
and women they lead, and that to

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me is pure inspiration. I think
so too, and I've had the chance

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to know several really of phenomenal leaders
who've been on the show, just even

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just this year. Bob Chapman is
certainly a great example of that, and

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you both know him, so let's
add him to the mix right now.

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Perfect, All right, Well,
let's get into the actual components of your

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book. I think that the title
and the content of your book is very

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clever. It's a class act book, ladies. You just knocked it out

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of the park, and I think
it would be useful for our listeners and

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viewers to for you to share.
What's the definition of those three key terms

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that you talk about, grit,
grace, and gravitas. What do they

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mean for you? Sure? Well, we found that through our experiences,

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while every leader is unique, exemplary
leaders stand out on the basis of three

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critical factors. So the first one
you mentioned is grit, and that's an

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uncompromising commitment to performance, excellence,
and strategic focus. Give me give you

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an example. Grit is critical for
overcoming obstacles, for having difficult conversations,

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for persistence needed in getting to a
fresh finish line. The second gravitas,

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gravitas is having a depth of professional
knowledge and competence that contributes to excellence and

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performance. An example, a critical
aspect of a leader's gravitas will due to

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the time and energy they've invested to
acquire the knowledge and skills they have to

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date, the risks that they've taken, the commitment and discipline to excel and

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ask a lot of themselves. So
what we've noticed is exemplary leaders have a

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different kind of impact for those they
lead. Even when difficult challenges arise,

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the net effect of their impact is
positive and it leads us to grace.

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So grace is relating to others constructively
and considerate, empathetic, and genuinely caring.

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Ways we've seen that with grit and
gravitas infused with grace, exemplary leaders

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have developed a positive presence that successfully
integrates their grit and gravitas with grace.

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Beautiful, absolutely beautiful. And by
the way, ladies, as you both

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know, I read the books cover
to cover of the guests who come on

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my show, So there's several instances
where I'm going to actually quote what you

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said because it's so beautiful and I
want to preserve the language. So the

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next thing that I want to get
to, and this is really important for

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our listeners, leadership is not for
the faint of heart. This is hard,

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hard work, and receiving feedback about
our leadership and our performance can be

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absolutely brutal, right, as we
all three know, And how we respond

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to that gift to feedback makes all
the difference. And so you write in

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your book, I quote when leaders
get feedback that their executive presence or actions

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are ineffective, they have the opportunity
to look at themselves. Here is where

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leaders take the distinctions of our theory, model and framework and put them to

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work. Here is where leaders take
it upon themselves to evolve from the inside

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out, where grace becomes their game
changer, where their approaches, behavior's connection

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with men and women they lead,
and their demeanor begin to reflect the evolution

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they want for themselves. Saying more
about that that's just beautiful. Well,

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here's the secret to the considerable value
of grace. It changes your impact for

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the better and increases the value,
increases the value of good and gravel to

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us. The skills and qualities of
grace are rooted in using power constructively,

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and constructive power is always within our
reach, and when we reach for it,

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our impact then changes for the better
and it enhances our approaches, our

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behaviors, the quality of how we
connect with people, and our demeanor.

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That's demeanor is more our attitude and
way of being in the world. And

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grace helps us deal with difficult people
and difficult situations with compassion and energy and

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inspiration. So let's look at one
small example of grace helping us deal with

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a difficult situation. Think of a
recent time your emotions were triggered at work.

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For instance, maybe someone criticized you
in front of everyone in a meeting

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and you've felt really embarrassed, or
perhaps you felt upset because you were passed

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over for something you'd worked hard for
and felt that you deserved. Maybe you

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felt frustrated in trying to explain something
that was important that you were trying to

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get across to someone. Rather than
struggle in the moment and find fault with

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yourself or blame someone else, grace
can give you, let's call it,

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compassionate permission to take some time to
gather your thoughts, help you understand the

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emotions you're feeling, and regain your
composure, and when you do, you

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find the clarity you need to more
effectively deal with what happened. Yes,

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very well, said Jay, that
that was so clear and concise and compelling.

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And now taking it a little bit
further here, one of the other

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things that you distinguish in your books
message is you say the constructive power of

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grace is the game change for elevating
the impact of one's presence as a leader.

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Say more about that, Well,
grace is a game changer because it

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changes the impact of a leader's presence. So let's look at how grace we

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see that grace rests on pillars reaction
management and relationship intelligence. These both enable

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a leader to inspire and empower the
men and women they lead to face and

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through difficult times. Now, exemplary
leaders work to bring people together in meaningful

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ways to accomplish the goals that matter, and they are able to do this

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because they use their constructive power.
Their approaches are constructive, their behaviors are

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constructive, the quality of how they
connect with people is constructive, and their

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overall way of being, it's their
demeanor that comes across as constructive. So

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we call the ABC and D of
executive presence and impact. So let me

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give you a quick example about grit
without grace and this work. Grit without

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grace can be abrasive. One's imbalance
of too much grit can come across as

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domineering. You know, for instance, when a leader's blusk in patience or

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intolerance as people working on eggshells,
or when the imbalance of too little grit

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can have a leader avoid holding people
to account or avoid having important conversations.

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Now, with gravitas without grace,
this can show up as arrogance. The

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imbalance of too much gravitas then comes
across as a bit condescending the imbalance of

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too little gravatas well, that can
have a leader come across as hesitant in

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decisive, which can leave people without
guidance or clarity in direction. So grace

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changes how a leader leads, how
a leader establishes the culture and the norms

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of the culture, and determines the
social contract of how people relate to one

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another. And this directly influences how
challenges are faced and dealt with, how

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obstacles are overcome, how people think
and work together to innovate and solve problems

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and align themselves to achieve what matters. Of course, no one of us

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is perfect, and every single one
has its our foibles and flaws. How

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can we address them constructively to go
forward in better ways? Well, when

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we are aspiring to develop ourselves.
When we're doing that, we start to

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look at the gaps between where we
are and where we want to evolve.

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Where do we want to evolve to. It's important not to take a judgment

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mental view of our flaws, which
closes down rather than opens us up to

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our development. We can't change what
we haven't owned and taken some responsibility for.

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But by approaching our flaws constructively,
we can use them to grow Now.

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Exemplary leaders are aware of their foibles
and flaws and they take responsibility for

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them. You won't find them saying
this is how I am deal with it,

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or using the strategy of doing whatever
they want and then apologizing later.

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You'll find them having the difficult conversations
to restore alignment, and you'll find them

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working towards equitable win win outcomes.
Now, with the skills and qualities of

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grace, a leader can manage the
all important impact of their grit and the

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gravitas so that if they find there
isn't imbalance such within their abces or ease,

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they use the constructive power to address
in balance and resolve any previous problems.

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M gave us a tremendous lesson in
that response. Thank you, Andrea,

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and it's time already for our first
break. I'm your host, Doctor

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Release Cortez, who've are on the
air with Jane Firth and Andrew Zen's,

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authors of Great Grace and Gravitas,
the Three Keys to Transforming leadership, presence

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and impact. We've been talking about
their initial their approach to leadership, what

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got them into it, and a
bit about the book itself and how it's

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put together. After the break,
we're going to talk about the first pillar

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of grace, which is reaction management. Stay with us, we'll be right

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back. Doctor Release Cortez is a
management consultant specializing in meaning and purpose and

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inspirational speaker and author. She helps
companies visioneer for greater purpose among stakeholders and

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develop purpose inspired leadership and meaning infused
cultures that elevate fulfillment, performance, and

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commitment within the workforce. To learn
more or to invite a lease to speak

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to your organization, please visit her
at a lease Cortez dot com. Let's

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talk about how to get at your
employees working on purpose. This is working

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on purpose with doctor Release Cortez.
To reach our program today or open a

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conversation with Elise and send an email
to Elise ali Se at Eleise Cortez dot

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com. Now back to working on
purpose. Thanks for staying with us,

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and welcome back to working on purpose. As the pandemic has continued on,

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we look for ways to help companies
support their employees handle their anxiety, their

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stress, depression, feeling disconnected,
while also helping to lift and inspire them

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with ongoing professional development. So we're
now offering a new well being webinar series

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called Grab Your Gusto Vital well Being
from the inside Out. You want to

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learn more about it, go to
my website at least Cortes dot com or

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shoot me an email to ease at
least Cortes dot com. If you're just

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joining the program, I guess are
Jane Earth and andrews Ins. They are

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the authors of Grit, Grace,
and Gravitas, the three Keys to transforming

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leadership, presence and Impact. They
judged the day from Pennsylvania and Nevada.

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I'm your host, Doctor Lease Cortez. So for this next segment, I

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wanted to dig more deeply into that
first pillar of grace, reaction management.

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I thought that the way you organized
the book was so useful and I really

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wanted to dive deeper into this part
of it. So here we go.

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So for this first thing that I
wanted to serve up here, I thought

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that you the way that you distinguished
presence is a way that I've really seldom

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seen in any leadership books or an
approach to leadership in the way it's discussed,

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and you actually share work that Dagley
did in twenty thirteen on executive presence,

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and you say, actually, you
seen your book, and I quote

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again, effective leadership causes people to
act well. Effective executive presence causes people

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to listen. I thought that was
such a powerful distinguishing point. Can you

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say more about that? Yeah?
You know, on the door to Oprah

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Winfreeze office, there's a line that
reads, be responsible for the energy you

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bring into this room. Why is
that important? Because your presence, Marry's

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energy, which in its simplest form
is positive or negative, has an impact.

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It impacts whoever is in the room. But for instance, is your

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impact warm and welcoming? Does it
open things up? Does it shut things

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down? I'll give you a really
good example. One of our clients,

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Mary, we'll call her Mary,
was an executive in a large financial services

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from led the people in her division
through an extremely difficult period. After the

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project ended, her boss called her
into his office and said, Mary,

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people are really complaining about your leadership. And Mary is sitting there and she

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has this incredulous look on her face
and she says to him, what do

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you want? Results are happy people? And her boss responded, Mary,

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the best leaders achieved both. Mary
had the grit and the gravitas to get

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through this difficult period, but lacking
the skills and qualities of grace, her

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team wound up feeling disempowered, disheartened, and very depleted. An exemplary leader

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would have had a more constructive and
positive impact on their team, a knowledge

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and focus on the importance his or
her team's resilience, melding the persistence that

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comes with grit and then know how
that comes from gravitas with the inspiration and

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energy that comes from grace. With
grace, a leader will have the knowledge

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of how to inspire, how to
energize, how to empower the men and

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women they lead in meaningful ways,
to navigate and find their way through difficult

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times. Important to remember every single
one of us has a presence, and

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our presence as an impact, and
there's no mystery here. You don't have

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to be an extrovert. It's not
about something. We're born with. The

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skills and qualities needed to transform leadership
and your presence are readily available to you.

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One of the things I was thinking
about as you were sharing your message

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there, Jane, is more and
more what I'm seeing as CEO's chief executive

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officers are now calling them chief ergy
themselves chief energy officers, which I think

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is splendid and perfect. So to
your point, yes, it's fantastic.

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So in your book you describe two
of grace. One is a reaction management

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the other one relationship intelligence. Let's
go to reaction management first, because that's

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the segment here we're talking about.
So you describe that as how you handle

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reactions and emotions determines the impact of
your presence and the emotional culture of your

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organization on a daily basis. Your
reactions and emotions will influence the quality of

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performance, the strength of engagement,
and the rail of the men and women

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you lead. So leadership goes hand
in hand with challenges. The ability to

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deal effectively with our challenges includes motivating
and inspiring people that we lead to overcome

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these challenges. So, as a
leader, how your presence influenced the successful

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performance and result depends on all of
this and mean research is shown Jane and

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I that emotional intelligence is more important
than IQ for success. Rather than avoiding

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our emotions, owning, naming,
and understanding our emotions is critical for decision

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making and relationship intelligence skills such as
empathy, compassion, generosity, and This

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leads to career success, personal satisfaction, and exemplary leadership. Every emotion has

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a message in it helps us understand
our triggers and our reactions. Learning to

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use the intelligence and our emotions helps
to develop our self awareness and addresses our

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capacity to raise the quality of our
performance and relationships with those that we're leading.

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You know, speaking of emotions,
one of the things that is so

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great about getting to host the show
is on as you know, I read.

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I do read the books cover to
cover. Also take copious notes typewritten

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as I go so I can preserve
exactly what is written. And I had

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my daughter come in and listen to
this part where you distinguish emotions from feelings.

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I think this is just fantas past
and I don't really think I've ever

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seen anybody make this kind of a
distinction before, at least the way that

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you did it so crisply. So
I'm going to share again what you wrote.

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You say, and I quote,
feelings are different from emotions. Emotions

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originate in one subconscious Emotions play out
in the theater of the body, while

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feelings play out in the theater of
the mind. Feelings originate in the neocortical

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regions of the brain. Our mental
associations and reactions to emotions and are subjective

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in being influenced by personal experience,
beliefs, and memories. A feeling is

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a mental portrayal of what is going
on in your body when you have an

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emotion, and is a byproduct of
your brain perceiving and assigning meaning to the

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emotion. Yeah, emotions are felt
in the body and they become rapped in

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our thoughts and triggers a reaction,
changing our emotional state to one where we

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have the amygdala in our brain.
We haven't distinguished that yet, but this

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is a part of our brain where
the instinct to fight or flight chickskin.

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The amygdala is the oldest part of
our brain and it gives us emotional cues

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semaling danger. So when triggered,
it doesn't feel very good, and our

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brains are searching for a way to
relieve the discomfort, irritation, embarrassment,

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or anxiety or apprehension or general unease
we feel when our reactions are triggered.

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Reaction management helps to bring us closer
to a clamber state. It helps us

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remain our presence of mind so we
can think more clearly about what to do

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to help ourselves. Many of you
probably know about Victor Frankel. He was

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an Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist, and
he was also a Holocaust survivor and one

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of the significant country abutions of his
work where the ideas and practices what he

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called logotherapy. His most famous book, Man Search for Meaning, outlines how

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his theories helped him survise lolo cost
experience, and how that further developed and

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reinforced his ideas. And he created
this simple equation between stimulus and response versus

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space. And in that space lies
our freedom and our power to choose our

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response. In that response lies our
growth and our happiness. And here's the

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brain science we all need to know. When the amidala is triggered, our

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higher order thinking, which is located
in the prefrontal cortex cuts down. Part

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of managing our reactions is recognizing that
in the space with the Franco describes,

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sometimes we need a little time and
a little self discipline to process what triggered

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our reaction. By managing our reactions, we're able to recognize that the amygdala

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has taken over. We see the
fight or flight reaction inside of ourselves,

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and in that moment between stimulants and
response, we can elevate our presence aligned

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to choose our response. Think of
doing so as like moving from one room

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in our brain to another. We
leave the room where the amygdala beckons us

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to fight or run away, and
we regain the benefits of higher level thinking

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that by virtue of managing our reactions
is available to us. Here's where we

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can call on our constructive power and
deal with our reactions from their listeners and

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viewers. If you need to go
back and replay that over and over again,

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what she just shared with us that
is so powerful, and if you

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can get access to what she's talking
about and start getting acumen in that area,

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it is totally a game changer.
So beautifully narrated, Jane, not

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just gorgeous. I want to go
a little bit deeper here too, because

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one of the things I like about
hosting the show is I like very much

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to talk about conceptual ideas that inspire
as we're doing. But I also like

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to be able to give somehow twos
that kind of people can apply. So

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this idea of getting better at reaction
management, as you were saying, Jane,

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is really important and you say that
people lack the skills to handle the

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more difficult human emotions constructively. They
spend a lot of time in the reactive

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zone. That's that amignalisone we were
talking about. And then you offer a

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set of steps to take when we
are triggered by something to restore our constructive

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power. Can we hear a little
bit about those steps? Sure? So

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in our research, neuroscience points us
to where our reactions come from. As

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we've been saying here that the goal
is to have the skills to manage our

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reactions in ways that provide us with
the ability to more quickly restore our perspective,

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our presence of mind, and access
to our higher order thinking. Reaction

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management skills change and elevate a leader's
perspective towards others emotional reactions. So let's

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consider how a reaction management how reaction
management can transform the impact of a leader's

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presence. So I'm going to use
an example. We'll look at one of

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our clients, a leader that we're
calling Kyle. Now, Kyle is a

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sales executive relatively new to his role, and early on a situation took place

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in his new role that gave him
the opportunity to put the reaction management skills

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even learning, into some practice.
So here's what happened. In preparation for

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a quarter executive meeting. Kyle's new
team prepared the market information and sales projections

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he needed for the meeting, and
the team, wanting to make the results

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seem better than they were and not
wanting to admit that they were struggling with

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certain sales and profits results, provided
Kyle with projections that were way too optimistic

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about the remainder of the year and
even the year to follow. Now,

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it didn't occur to Kyle to double
check the report he received, and he

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made the mistake of taking the work
at face value. Now as a result,

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in the executive meeting, Kyle found
himself in an uncomfortable, compromised position

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from the point of view of the
CEO and his peers. He looked as

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though he wasn't on top of his
market trends and lacked control over his team.

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So this was embarrassing, and he
froze like a deer in the headlines.

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He didn't become defensive, but he
kept his csure outwardly, but inwardly,

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his mind was racing. He shrank
back waiting for the meeting to end.

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He wanted to get back to his
office as quickly as possible and process

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what had happened in private. How
did Kyle manage his reactions and go forward

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well. His first step was to
recognize the tension he was feeling. He

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noticed that his hands were shaking,
and he took some slow breath to calm

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himself. Secondly, Kyle looked more
deeply at the emotions he was feeling and

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the messages that they contained, and
he realized that he felt exposed and embarrassed,

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and he felt his hands. Because
he was taking that time, he

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stopped shaking, His hand stopped shaking, and he felt his composure returning.

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The next thing, he asked his
administrator to hold his call for thirty minutes.

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He closed his door, took out
his paper and pen, and writing

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the word embarrassed at the top of
the page, he listed his concerns and

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thoughts. Next, he wrote down
the word anxiety, which was the name

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of that emotion, and enlisted the
thoughts and concerns that came through his mind

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about his team. He saw his
responsibility for having taken the information his team

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had given the face value well Kyle
thought about what would be an outcome worth

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having, and he wrote down some
notes for himself when he envisioned outcomes like

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strengthening his relationship with his team and
steps he could take to restore his reputation

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with his peers and his boss.
Now Here are a few of the actions

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he did take. Kyle then met
with his boss, took responsibility, and

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asked for advice about the approaches he
could take with his team and his peers.

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Secondly, he pulled his staff together
to discuss the experience he had at

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the executive meeting. He let them
know that straight talking non state was critical

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and how we wanted them to work
together going forward. And he said to

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them, the facts are the facts, and we can work with them and

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strategize together whatever they are. Thirdly, Kyle and his stat established their rules

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of engagement. The team worked through
a plan that Kyle approved, and they

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clearly understood what would be expecting from
So while it may seem that it would

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take a lot of time to go
through these steps, think about the time

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and energy it would take to deal
with the residual damage if this kind of

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situation is allowed to go unchecked without
reaction management. Situations like this can derail

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teamwork in productivity too, So a
morale and performance can suffer when you're not

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using reaction management skills. The watching
management helps us understand how to keep morale

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high, how to help people find
their footing with unexpected situations and challenges,

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and how to help team members who
are facing demands that are increasing the prest

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for there, Thank you, Andrea. So listeners and viewers again, I

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can almost guarantee that the story that
Andrew has shared there you can rest you

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can rearrest me with that on some
level, being embarrassed in a meeting like

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that. So going back again to
replay what she shared about how to handle

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that and the steps that she took, those are those are those are golden.

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And on that note, let's grab
our last break. I'm Elias Cortez,

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your host. We've been on the
air with Jane Firth and Andrew's Ends,

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00:34:30.440 --> 00:34:34.199
the authors of Grit, Grace,
and Gravitas, the three keys to

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transforming leadership, presence and impact.
We've been talking about relation or reaction management.

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After the break, we're going to
get into relationship intelligence, the second

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peer of Grace. Stay with us, we'll be right back doctor Release Cortez

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is a management consultant specializing in meaning
and purpose and inspirational speaker and author.

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00:34:52.079 --> 00:34:59.599
She helps companies visioneer for greater purpose
among stakeholders and develop purpose inspired leadership and

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00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:05.880
meaning infused cultures that elevate fulfillment,
performance, and commitment within the workforce.

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00:35:06.480 --> 00:35:09.480
To learn more or to invite a
Lease to speak to your organization, please

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00:35:09.559 --> 00:35:14.199
visit her at a Lease Cortez dot
com. Let's talk about how to get

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00:35:14.239 --> 00:35:25.159
your employees working on purpose. This
is working on Purpose with doctor Release Cortez.

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00:35:25.760 --> 00:35:30.679
To reach our program today or open
a conversation with Elise, send an

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00:35:30.679 --> 00:35:37.079
email to Alise ali Se at Elise
Cortez dot com. Now back to working

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00:35:37.159 --> 00:35:47.159
on purpose. Thanksteresting with us,
and welcome back to working on Purpose.

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I wanted to let you know that
while we've been in the pandemic, I

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had a baby. Yes, it's
a book. It looks like this.

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00:35:54.119 --> 00:35:59.960
It's gonna sorry, discovers as saying
that it's called Purpose Ignited, How Inspired,

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00:36:00.199 --> 00:36:04.239
leaders Nite, Passionate and Element cause
it's on Amazon. I really wrote

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00:36:04.239 --> 00:36:08.039
it to awaken readers to their passion
and their purpose and turn them into inspirational

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00:36:08.119 --> 00:36:12.480
leaders that really elevate the contribution of
people in the workplace as well as the

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00:36:12.480 --> 00:36:15.039
way business is done. So I
hope you'll give it a read and tell

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00:36:15.039 --> 00:36:16.760
me what you think about it.
If you're just joining us. My guests

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00:36:16.800 --> 00:36:21.119
today are Jane Firth and Andrew's Sence. They are the authors of Grit,

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00:36:21.199 --> 00:36:23.719
Grace, and Gravitas, the three
Keys to Transforming leadership, Presence and Impact.

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I'm your host, doctor Lee's Cortez. So for this last segment here,

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we're going to talk about relationship intelligence. We've got about twelve minutes or

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so that we can get to work
on this. And one of the things

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that you do so well in your
book and also in this sharing here is

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the stories. The stories really help
explain why how these work. And so

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you emphasize throughout the book that there's
importance in using grace when grit and gravitas

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fall out of balance. So can
you give us an example of this and

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how finding this balance can make a
positive difference for us in leadership. So,

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as Andrew and I were doing our
research, we met with a leader

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will call Rayna. As we talked, she identified strengths that she saw in

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herself and in a very judgmental way. She contrasted what she saw as her

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own strengths with the weaknesses she found
in others, and her criticism centered around

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other women in her organization, especially
the way they came to meetings with upper

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management. She judged them for sounding
as if they lacked confidence or didn't know

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what they were talking about. And
they lacked gravitas, is what she said,

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because Raina was lacking in the skills
and qualities of grace. She was

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missing the inclination to offer her guidance
to help them develop. Think about how

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much more valuable she could have been
to her organization and to the very people

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she was criticized, and she had
some of the skills and qualities of grace.

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Here's how she was described in interviews
with her team. Quote she pontificates,

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she comes across as pompous, officious, and condescending end quote. So

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these concerns that were expressed show the
negative impact of her presence. Would she

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have been surprised to them that others
would have given anything to avoid having to

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deal with her? Yeah, she
had gravitas, Prince who also had grit

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both way out of balance. She
had a wealth of experience, and she

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would have tough conversations. She was
thorough, she was tenacious, but she

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acted in an arrogant and condescending manner
that had a very negative impact on the

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people she led and walked with.
You just think about what could she you've

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accomplished had the grit and gravita she
possessed and infused the constructive power of grace.

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And when the leader supports and empowers
those they lead, a very different

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order of results becomes possible. Exemplary
leaders know how to encourage and bring out

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the best in the us they lead, and they know how to create a

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space that is safe for people to
excel. Again, the stories really help

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because I think when you talk about
the different characters that you're you're describing,

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many listeners can say, oh,
yes, I know someone like that,

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or maybe that sounds like me.
So I appreciate very much how you've constructed

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the stories to share. It just
help so much. So. Your second

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pillar of grace you discuss is relationship
intelligence. We talked about reaction management in

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the last segment, and you say
for this, you say, relationship intelligence

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provides a leader with knowledge of emotions, how and why they affect people.

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In their perf and the skills involved
in elevating emotional operating states from negative to

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neutral to positive. And you say, with its roots and brain science and

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emotional intelligence, relationship intelligence provides critical
knowledge for bringing out the best in people

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and empowering them when it matters most. Another example to illustrate this one.

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Yes, so let's take a look
at an example of a client. We're

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going to call Craig, who was
an associate commissioner in a government role.

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Now, he successfully evolved his leadership
through increasing his relationship intelligence. And this

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is how, with the help of
a leadership with a leadership assessment like a

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three sixty, Craig identified some of
his spoibles and flaws. For example,

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he lacked skills for listening and creating
the conditions for dialogue and collaboration among his

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team, and this was really getting
in his way. Among his aspirations was

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a sincere desire to become a better
leader with his teams. So, lationship

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intelligence begins with the relationship you have
with yourself. This involves increasing self awareness.

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The way you relate to yourself directly
connects to the way you relate to

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others. Something of great value takes
place when you maximize your ability to relate

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to yourself and others as well through
your constructive power. So everyone Gret Craig

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worked with thought he was brilliant and
valued his knowledge and experience. The problem

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was that he used his brilliance in
ways that it closed everyone else out.

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He wanted to be the leader with
the best ideas and solutions, and he

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thought that this would add value and
be of service to others. Now,

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as Craig became more self aware,
he realized that he gained a great deal

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of satisfaction by giving others his advice, but he also saw it in balance

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in his gravitas, thinking one's awful
opinion is the only one that matters.

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Going on and on in pedantic speaking
only on set and not listening to receipt.

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He became more aware of how he
defaulted to using up the air in

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the room by doing all the talking, citing evidence to defend his points,

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and insisting that his advice would be
the best way to solve problems. Now,

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in considering the feedback, he realized
that he lacked the awareness and skills

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required for asking questions, listening,
for understanding, creating the conditions for dialogue

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and collaboration. He embraced the skills
that he could build that would result in

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a more engaging relationship with the stakeholders, improve the ideas, and increase his

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constructive power. So Craig worked on
a development plan to address the imbalances in

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his gravitas and develop his impact with
others. He focused his plan to ask

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engaging questions of his team pears,
listen carefully to what others thought, he

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proposed, and carefully considered their challenges
and ideas. Now, he let his

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team meet that he was working on
these skills so they know what to look

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for. The reactions of his teams
were astounding. They began to experience Creig's

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changes immediately, and they actually enjoyed
the engaging collaboration that they were having in

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their meetings, and his leadership became
much more exemplary. So, if we

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go back to our original definition of
exemplary, Craig became a model of inspiration

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as his team and peers watched him
evolve right before their eyes. As Craig

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learned from his journey, relationship intelligence
skills include essentially social skills that help leaders

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evolve their presence and impact. Constructive
power includes providing psychological safety with others listening

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with appreciation and respect for them,
generosity, and elevating others emotional state,

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such as keeping morale high in difficult
terms. So as I listened to that,

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one of the things I got present
to Andrew it was just that the

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huge potential we have as human beings
to learn, grow and change. And

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I always stand on the place of
inspiration for that very moment. It is

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possible to learn and change radically ourselves. And so listeners and viewers, as

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you're hearing this is this is your
opportunity to join us on the dance floor

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with this. This is really compelling
of what we can do as a human

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being to learn and grow. So
that was that was a beautiful rendition.

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So we have maybe time for just
one more question here and what I want

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to get to because I think it's
again something that you distinguish beautifully in your

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book that I haven't really seen in
too many others. And that gets to

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the internal bearings piece. And so
you're right, and again I quote,

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defining your internal bearings begins with a
deeply personal exploration. Your highest leadership aspirations

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are the result of reflection, and
that helps you define your higher purpose as

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a leader, contributions that hold meaning
for you, and answering the question what

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kind of leader is it important for
me to be? And why? Your

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highest aspirations reflect what matters most to
you in your life. They are essential

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00:45:13.039 --> 00:45:15.559
illness in your internal bearings. Never
heard date the phrase internal bearings. But

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this kind of self knowledge and critical
or clarification is tremendously important. So can

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you say a little bit more about
that for us? Andrew and I will

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both talk about this. So we
talk a lot in the book about the

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importance of being able to elevate emotional
operating states. Identifying your highest leadership aspirations

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elevates your internal state, and it
elevates your energy, and it elevates your

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emotions. So, as a leader, what words help you capture the essence

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of your higher purpose? What kind
of impact do you want to have?

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What values matter to you? When
you keep your purpose and your highest aspirations

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present, they provide you with an
important way of guiding yourself from within,

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Similarly to a metal or office.
They give you your internal bearings as a

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00:46:15.480 --> 00:46:22.679
person and as a leader. Reading
and absorbing them each day connects you with

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the energy and inspiration of what you've
been able to put into words for yourself.

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And this is the whole of the
matter, more than just words on

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a page that will place in a
desk drawer somewhere and forget about. When

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you keep your highest aspirations alive and
present for yourself, you elevate the energy

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and essence your leadership and your presence
and your impact. Andrew, do you

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00:46:52.400 --> 00:46:55.559
want to say a little more about
this now you're I'll give you another example.

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One of the aspirations an executive identified
for himself. He said, he

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wrote, psychological safety is important,
and I want to lead in a way

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that people are able to embrace their
accountabilities without the fear of getting into trouble.

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So this aspiration held great meaning,
energy and inspiration for this executive.

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And if you do this, yours
would overhold great meaning, energy and inspiration

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for you. So we included this
exercise in our book so that leaders would

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have tried, have a tried,
in true way to connect with what matters

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to them most. This process and
the answers revealed serves as a leader's inner

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compass and a strategic way to guide
a leader's journey, so that just as

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00:47:52.199 --> 00:47:54.559
so beautiful to me as an identity
researcher, because it really speaks to be

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getting really clear about who you are
and who you aspire to be. So

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00:47:58.599 --> 00:48:02.880
beautiful, beautiful way to finish this
conversation. So to close, you both

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know that the shows listened to people
by across the globe, and they really

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come because they're trying to help create
workplaces where people actually want to come and

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they thrive, and they want to
become in spiritual latters themselves, and they

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want to do business in a way
that is more of a stakeholder capitalistic manner.

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Knowing that, just briefly, what
would you like to leave our listeners

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with, Well, Andrea and I
have seen time and again that would distinguishes

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great lads as their capacity for grace. They're grit and their gravitas infused with

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00:48:30.880 --> 00:48:37.239
the skills and qualities of grace uplift
and inspire people, and we need to

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lift people up. It's taken courage
to look at ourselves honestly, and it's

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00:48:43.159 --> 00:48:47.400
important to use a non judgmental lens
in doing so. So, as we've

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00:48:47.440 --> 00:48:53.119
said, we can grow from our
foibles and flaws. Arianna Huffington wrote in

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00:48:53.159 --> 00:49:00.800
her book The fourth instinct that Flancisilo
once told her they were dual in time,

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00:49:00.199 --> 00:49:07.239
and Ariana noted that we are facing
such the door in time and opening

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for great possibilities of a new being, for a breakthrough in our evolution for

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00:49:13.559 --> 00:49:20.800
the first time, something as fast
and epic as the destiny of mankind depends

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00:49:20.880 --> 00:49:25.920
on something nice, personal and intimate
as the way each one of us chooses

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to live, think, and behave. I'd love to repeat that one hundred

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times. It's beautiful, great way
to finish. Jane and we are out

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of time, so let me thank
you both for being on the show.

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You gave us a beautiful glimpse into
your book and your souls. Thank you

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00:49:42.800 --> 00:49:46.360
for that, listeners. If you
want to learn more about Jane andrews Ends,

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00:49:46.400 --> 00:49:49.519
their book and the work they do, you can start by going to

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the website called Grit Grace Gravitas dot
com. And thanks again to our partnering

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00:49:54.039 --> 00:49:59.119
sponsor work Proud, which helps companies
build a platform where your workforce receives meaningful

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00:49:59.119 --> 00:50:02.280
feedback. Thanks for the work from
people from across your company last week.

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00:50:02.280 --> 00:50:06.119
Give you missed the live show,
you can always catch be recorded podcast.

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00:50:06.199 --> 00:50:08.760
We're on there with b Bocolandro talking
about her book Do Good at Work,

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How simple acts of social purpose strive
success and well being. Next week,

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00:50:13.719 --> 00:50:15.800
we'll be on the air with Matt
Gerber talking about his truck from Oregon to

567
00:50:15.840 --> 00:50:22.719
seventy five countries where he learned corporate
social responsibility by visiting orphanages everywhere he goes

568
00:50:22.800 --> 00:50:24.480
across the world. See you there, Remember that works at least a third

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00:50:24.519 --> 00:50:34.159
of our life. So let's work
on purpose. We hope you've enjoyed this

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week's program. Be sure to tune
into Working on Purpose featuring your host,

571
00:50:37.800 --> 00:50:44.159
doctor Elise Cortez, each week on
the Voice America Empowerment Channel. Together,

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00:50:44.480 --> 00:50:51.440
we'll create a world where business operates
conscientiously, leadership inspires impassioned performance, and

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00:50:51.519 --> 00:50:55.679
employees are fulfilled in work that provides
the meaning and purpose they crave. See

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00:50:55.719 --> 00:50:59.079
you there, Let's work on purpose.