Finding Strength in Your Struggle

WEBVTT

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There are some people that make their
work just another thing they have to do,

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and there are those that make their
work something that they want to do.

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Welcome to Working on Purpose with your
host Elise Cortes. In our program,

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we provide guidance and inspiration from those
people who have found deeper meaning and

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personal connection to their work life.
It's beyond nine to five. It's working

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on Purpose. Now Here is your
host, Elise Cortes. Welcome back to

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the Working on Purpose Show. Thanks
for tuning in again this week. I'm

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your host, Elise Cortes, joining
you live from Dallas, Texas, which

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is home base for me. If
you've been tuning in for a while,

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you know this program is about helping
people create more meaningful and purposeful lives and

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equipping leaders insight organizations to cultivate meaning
and purpose that elicits passion inspired contribution,

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innovation, and persevering performance. I
talk with my guests to draw on their

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expertise and share my own experience consulting, speaking developing workforces across the globe.

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Each week. In these conversations,
I hope you walk away with something you

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can immediately use in your life or
your work. And if I can do

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anything to help you along your journey. Go to my website at a Leastcortes

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dot com and use to contact me
feature to message me. Let's open a

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conversation and explore what's going on for
you and how I might be able to

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help you. Whether you want to
learn more about how to develop purpose inspired

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leadership and meaning infused culture in your
organization to elicit your team's best you want

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to see about joining a catch fire
online community to stoke your own passion,

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inspiration and purpose discovery and gain access
to tools and support to help you get

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on your way and get unstuck.
Or you'd like for me to speak for

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your company or your conference at any
rate. I'm glad we're connected, and

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thanks for listening. Now onto this
Sweek's program. With this today is doctor

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H. Gen Wright, a transformational, highly experienced and professionally trained clinical and

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forensic psychologist with over twenty years of
experience in behavioral health. He's the author

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of Find Strength in Your Struggle Discover
the Miracle in You. We'll be talking

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about some pervasive ailments we all face
in today's sciety, like trauma, stress,

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depression, and anxiety. The work
he's doing on government, private practice,

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and academic and behavior at health.
In some ways we can all apply

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what he shares with us today.
He joined U today from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

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Doctor Wright, Welcome to Working on
Purpose. Thank you, Elise,

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Thank you so much, so great
to have you. Know, as I

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said before we got on air,
you know our listeners will love listening to

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that voice of yours and then of
course learning from you. So if I

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doze off on that beautiful voice of
yours, you bring me back. Okay,

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absolutely good. All right, Well, let's open this conversation, doctor

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Wright with something every single one of
us listening can absolutely relate to, and

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that is stress and trauma. None
of us gets out of this life without

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dealing with these things. And I
know you have a particular perspective on this

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topic given the work that you do. So from your vantash point, Doctor

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Wright, what's the role of stress
and trauma in our lives? Well,

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I think you touched on the stress
as inevitable, and it's something that if

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you live in this life long enough, we find ourselves going up against stress.

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And so the one thing to look
at is what causes stress, which

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I know we'll get into more in
depth later. But basically you're looking at

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three things. People, places,
and things are the major stressors we have

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in our life, and that's why
it's inevitable. And so what I like

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to write about and talk about and
help people with is how to find strength

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and their struggle or strength and their
stress. And I definitely have a perspective

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on that before we get into that, though I do find it. There

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were so many of the phrases that
you used in passages that I found so

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compelling. But you write that trials
come with blessings and that renovation is a

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painful process. So my question to
you is do you believe that growth is

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possible in human beings without pain.
I don't think it's possible without challenges and

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stress. The word pain, depending
on who uses it, maybe has different

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connotations for everybody. What I would
say is growing pains. If we use

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it in that way, then I
would say you are correct. It is

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not possible to grow without the growing
pains. If you think about physiologically and

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how we go from infant to youth
and childhood, and you think about the

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bones and development, there are stressors
and growing pains in your knees and your

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joints that take effect. Because you're
growing, and you think about professional growth

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that you like to talk about with
purpose, you have to have challenges and

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conflict, and to me, conflict
is another word for growth, and so

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yes, you must have these challenges. You must have pressure, you must

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have situations that put you in places
where you have to stretch to reach your

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full potential. So if we want
to identify those things that's pain, then

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I would say, yes, it's
inevitable and it's necessary. We're aligned on

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that, and I'll say more about
that in just a second. But before

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we get into my perspective on this, I also want to call out a

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couple other metaphors that you used in
You talked about talk taking down a condemned

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building as a release to trials in
our lives, and I found that to

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be quite compelling. So the idea, and I know our listeners if you

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haven't read the book yet, listeners, this idea. Imagine the wrecking ball

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that brings down the building and then
implosion as the two methods that are often

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used to bring down a building.
Think about how they relate to what we

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experience in the trials real lives.
Don't we feel sometimes like there's a wrecking

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ball slamming up against us that is
never ending. And then of course this

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idea of implosion very compelling, doctor
Wright. Yeah, And the reason I

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chose those metaphors perfectly, perfect example
from the personal experience. What I would

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say is, as I was looking
at the old method of tearing down a

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building, which depending on your age
group, you may remember, our wrecking

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ball would slam into the building periodically. But the key was that the building

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did not crumble with the first two
or three blows. It was a cumulative

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effect that eventually tore down the building. And so if we use our life

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as the building and life as the
wrecking ball, we do not crumble under

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the first two or three incidences of
pressure, of laws, of challenges that

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happened. It takes time, and
so the cumulative effect of stress and pressure,

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unresolved trauma, all those things that
life has to offer sometimes if we

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do not check it, if we
do not address it, eventually will crumble

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us. The other metaphor that you
mentioned was the implosion, and that's the

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one that is more modern people think
about, and that is simply setting dynam

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out around the foundation of a building
that you want to tear down and it's

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simply either a match to like the
wick, or you push down on the

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machine and it blows up immediately.
And that, for me is when you're

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walking around tense, when you're walking
around with unresolved anger or stress or pressure

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waiting to explode. All it takes
is that next individual, that person,

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place or thing, that stressor that
ignites you that allows you to unthinkingly and

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unintentionally sometimes explode. And what that
does is causes you even more stress because

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now you have your inner workings of
that, but now you may have an

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external result depending on what you do. And not anger that causes us problems.

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It's the unresolved stress or rage of
the uncontrollable response to stress that sometimes

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gets us in trouble. So that's
why I use those two metaphors. They're

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brilliant. They're just brilliant. And
listeners just think about that for a second,

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right. Don't you all feel that
at some point the wrecking ball will

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not let up on you, or
that you know this volcano inside is about

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to implode you? I think about
that, doctor, right, because you

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might laugh at this, But first
I'll say that I do believe why.

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This is why I ask you the
question. I do believe that we do

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need those catalyzing elements to help us
respond to and become our best version of

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ourselves. I think we need that
catalyzing agent. And you'll laugh at this

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part, is that for years in
my life, I used to walk around

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saying that I probably wasn't going to
amount to too much in life because I

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really hadn't gone through very much,
and so I was like, you know,

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was just willing to accept that,
Oh, I'm going to live just

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a you know, an average,
under the radar life because I haven't had

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to deal with a lot. Now
that's changed over time. But I'm sure

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you're probably you're probably laughing at me. Yes, not laughing at you.

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I'm laughing with you. Okay.
Good because because I think other people have

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said that, not about themselves necessarily, but about other people. I've talked

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to folks who are on the outside
looking into somebody else's life, saying,

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well, they haven't had any stress, so they haven't been under any pressure,

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they haven't had any losses, they
haven't suffered any challenges, and so

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boy, it's going to be really
terrible for them when something Bonnie confronts them

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and I understand what people are saying
and what they mean. I understand certainly

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what you meant about yourself. What
I would say is that life has a

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tendency to put forth in us what
it is that we need to make it

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to the next level. So if
you use the example of being born with

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a quote unquote silver spoon in your
mouth, Oh you have everything, you

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have money, you have this,
you have that, that does not absolve

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you from stress and pressure. If
you have a situation where everything is going

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well and you have two parents that
are great and of a great childhood and

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all that, it doesn't mean that
something is not coming around the corner.

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And so it's not to live life
in paranoia, waiting for the next shooter

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drop. It's to simply be prepared
to understand that as we grow and as

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we navigate our way through life,
there will be challenges. And it's not

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for other people to look at our
life to determine whether we've had enough challenges

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or too few challenges. It is
for us to look at our own life

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and say, how can I be
better than I was yesterday? Beautiful and

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compelling. I love that, and
I'm aligned absolutely, except you just say

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it much better. All right,
Well, let's talk about the next thing.

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We talked about stress and trauma.
Now I want to talk about two

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other familiar situations that many of us
encounter. Anxiety and depression major problems in

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the United States. In fact,
you say in your book that they're the

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most common mental health diagnoses, followed
by substance use disorder. And I was

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shocked, to be honest with you, that you report that an astounding fifteen

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million Americans suffer major depression. Now
that's five d percent of the population,

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you say, so, I just
was really confronted by that. Yes,

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and unfortunately, at least that has
increased since my book was published in twenty

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sixteen. And so now we're looking
at words of eighteen percent anxiety of the

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United States prevalence anxiety and right around
fifteen percent for depression and anxiety. Depression

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tend to flip flop when it comes
to statistics, which is why I kind

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of pair them, and most people
to look at treatment tend to use things

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like cognitive behavioral therapy for both anxiety
and depression because they tend to go together

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with folks, and then substance use
disorder actually kind of leapfrog over bipolar disorder,

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which used to be number three.
And so when you think of that,

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what are the challenges that are going
on in the United States, the

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ligious country in the world, the
most successful country in the world, the

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one with the most resources. So
what is going on in our society that

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we have the highest prevalence of anxiety, the highest prevalence of depression, prevalence

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of substance use disorder, and we
have a high prevalence of violence in our

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communities. So that's the question we
have to ask ourselves. When you think

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about how blessed we are in this
country, what does it say about the

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challenges that are out there? That
is incredibly compelling? And I know we

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don't have time to really talk about
that, but do you have a perspective

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as to why that's so for us
as a country? Well, I'm glad

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you asked. I do have a
perspective. And my perspective is not one

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weighted in research or anything. It's
based on what I hear from people who

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come to me, either at the
university for treatment or during some of our

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research activities in the past, and
certainly what I did when I researched the

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book, and that is that if
you look at the United States and Northern

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Europe and Canada and probably I would
say Australia, any Western culture, we

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have something. We are in the
individualistic culture, if you will. And

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if you compare that to Africa or
Asia, or South America, parts of

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southern Europe, they come from more
of a collectivist environment or culture, which

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means that the collectivist culture environment is
geared more towards the group or the community.

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It's not the individual that is most
important, whereas in individualistic cultures like

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the United States, it is the
individual that is most important. It is

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one that's put forth. And so
it's like it's often said in sports in

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the United States, second place is
just the first loser. You know,

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we're all about winning, we're all
about competition, We're all about me first.

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And you know, from the time
you get home from the hospital,

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your parents put you in your own
room if you have that kind of resource,

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and as soon as you turn eighteen, you're supposed to go out and

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be an adult and live and then
they turn your room into an aquarium something

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like that. You know, it's
always about getting further and moving on,

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as opposed to in collectivist cultures.
Taking in elderly parents, making sure you

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have several generations that look after one
another. And so the pressures the stressors

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are different from the individualistic culture versus
the stress of pressures from a collective of

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culture. Beautifully render, doctor Wright, I do know about these different kinds

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of cultures. I completely agree with
you that that is a very strong contribution

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to what's going on. So thank
you for that. So the next thing

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I want to talk about before we
go on to our break here is really

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what I consider to be a message
of hope in your book. And a

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part of the big reason I wanted
to have you on my show, doctor

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Wright, is that you know,
this show is about inspiration and education,

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and so if I can't give my
listeners hope an inspiration, what am I

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doing. So one of the things
that you say in the book is you

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say you hope that the readers in
the readers in reading your book will become

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enlightened as to how the trials and
tribulations tribulations of everyday life can impact our

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mental and spiritual health, and that
we should all embrace how the miracle in

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us can become a powerful energy to
off say the debilitating effects of spiritual depression.

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I so what I love about that, that's catalyzing. That's a place

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for all of us to stand in
and I'm for that. So can you

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see a bit more about what it
is you hope that readers get by reading

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your book. Yes. Absolutely.
What I'm basically saying is that to build

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strength. And of course the title
of the book has find strength in your

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struggle, and so I make a
comparison that any time you want to build

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strength, there is struggle, there
is pressure, there is a challenge.

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And so if you want to be
a bodybuilder of weights and build muscle,

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you have to stress the muscle.
You have to break it down, and

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then you have to feed your body
protein to build it up, and then

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you have to do the same thing
the next day. If you want to

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be a marathon runner, you have
to put in the miles, and it's

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excruciating at times, you get shin, splints and all kinds of things happen,

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but eventually you make it and you
do your twenty six miles. If

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you want to be a swimmer,
you have to get in the water and

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you have to You may not be
swimming like a fish at first, that

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you keep at it before you know
it. You know you're right behind.

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You know, Mark Spitz and some
of those that act an old reference.

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I probably should have came up with
a normal, but you get the point

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that anything worth achieving, anything worth
anything. We're doing learning how to play

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an instrument. Even if you're born
with artistic talent, you still have to

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practice on canvas. All of those
things render the strength in us, and

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so finding the talent often comes because
you have been challenged. You have been

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faced with some obstacles. You have
barriers that you must negotiate and navigate around,

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and so finding strength in your struggle, the miracle in you is when

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you recognize that you have the ability, when you recognize your talent. One

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of my favorite thaying the least is
from Mark Twain. He said, the

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two most important days of your life
the day you were born and the day

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you find out why. To me, the finding out why is the major

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part of living on this earth.
And so the stressors, the struggles,

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the things that build up our spiritual
muscle, to build up our physical muscle,

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our psychological emotional muscle, come because
we've been challenged and we've had to

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not just survive, but to Thry. You must know your ability and then

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you put that into practice, and
then you start serving and helping others.

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And that's that how that miracle turns
from just being about you to something else.

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And so your trials and tribulations are
not just about you and your successor

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then you're being able to break through
should not be just about you. Those

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things are to be shared so that
we can understand and share purpose with each

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other, and then together we can
recognize the strength in each other. And

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that's the value in the book beautifully
summarized. And listeners, those of you

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that have come to listen to the
show today because you are struggling with something,

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You've got something really heavy on your
heart, I really hope that you

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take inspiration, possibility, and opportunity
out of what doctor Wright just said.

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It was beautiful And with that,
let's grab our first break. I'm your

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host, Alice Cortez. We were
in the air with doctor h. Gen

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Wright, a transformational, highly experienced
and professionally trained clinical and forensic psychologist with

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over twenty years of experience in behavioral
health. He's the author of Find Strength

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in Your Struggle, Discover the Miracle
in You. You judged today from Philadelphia,

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Pennsylvania. We've been talking a bit
about some of the major problems we're

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all dealing with in today's world,
especially those of us here in the United

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States and other industrialized countries. After
the break, we're going to talk about

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the work he does across very different
populations. Stay with us, we'll be

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right back. Lalis Cortes is a
speaker and engagement and development catalyst. She

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designs and delivers professional development, leadership
and engagement workshops and can bring her expertise

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to your organization. She will help
ignite meaningful development within your workforce that will

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increase employee engagement, performance and retention. To learn more or to invite Elise

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to speak to your organization, please
visit her at www dot Elisecortes dot com.

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She would welcome the opportunity to help
get your employees working on purpose.

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This is working on Purpose with Elise
Cortes. To reach our program today,

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send an email to a lease Alise
at a lascortes dot com. Now back

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to working on Purpose. Thanks for
staying with us, and welcome back to

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working on Purpose. If you're just
jourining us, my guest is doctor H.

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Gene Wright. He is a highly
experienced and professionally trained clinical and forensic

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psychologist with over twenty years of experience
in behavioral health and proven success and passionately

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leading people and managing projects and initiatives
in government, in private practice, in

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academia, as an adjunct professor,
in clinical faculty for Temple University, and

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in rehabilitation in correction as a clinical
consultant, facilitator, and trainer. Doctor

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Wright teaches the subtleties of human interaction
to successfully embrace and celebrate the variety of

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personalities in the workforce and community.
I'm your host, Alise Cortes, doctor

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right. Really, it's such amazing
work that you get to bring who you

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are as a very very well trained
profess to do work across a very very

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different population. So that's very compelling. Most of us usually pick a group

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of people to focus on, but
you know, you have a whole variety

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agamut of people here. And when
we first spoke on the phone about you

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coming on the air, you told
me something quite interesting. You told me

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that you describe yourself as a servant
leader and that you find great joy in

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purpose and especially in serving the most
oppressed people with the least resources who need

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the most help. You call them
the invisible people. So first I want

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to know how did you become interested
in this population and why are you called

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to help them the most? Well, it starts with my parents. By

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my father who is now deceased but
serve as a minister and a Protestant of

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religion, and my mother worked at
a Christian college at the time when I

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was a kids, and so they
had particular values that really were really focused

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on the community. And as I
got older and traveled around with them,

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I noticed that my father in particular, was serving many types of different environments

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regardless of his religious affiliation. I
found that he was in communities that did

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not match his religious affiliation. I
thought, well, that's cool, that's

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interesting. And then as I got
older, instead of asking him questions,

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I discovered that he saw himself as
a man amongst the people, or a

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person who had a particular service to
render, and it was to encourage,

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to provide hope. And so I
really patterned a lot of my youth after

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my father. Then as I got
older, I saw opportunities to put into

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practice what he and my mother had
taught me, and so it was a

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natural affiliation, if you will,
simply by growing up watching the adults in

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my life, the heroes in my
life, if you will, serve others.

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And then when I went to college
and had to choose a profession,

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I found myself really looking at service
and ways to help. At first,

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I wanted to be an orthopedic surgeon
because I was an athlete, and you

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know, I wanted to help athletes. And then I went through a couple

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of surgeries where I was observing and
saw that I wasn't really pretty. I

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didn't like blood, so I had
to do something else. You know.

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I almost tasked out a couple of
times, and I did try it.

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I was very good with cadavers,
but I was not good watching human beings

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under the knife. And so I
eventually found my way into graduate school in

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psychology, and it just it just
like I took to it like it was

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like it was nothing. And I
saw that there were people who were ostracized

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and and that were not being treated
well. And I saw that when you

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did not have certain resources, or
go to a certain school, or have

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certain contacts or network abilities, that
you are marginalized. And so that kind

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of gave me an opportunity to kind
of ask, you know, well,

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what is it that I can provide
that not makes people feel better about themselves

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but makes people feel better about serving
others Because I discovered early on that if

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you can't change your immediate situation,
you feel differently about it when you're able

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to help others. And so I
wanted to teach other people how to rise

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above their own situations by helping people. And that's what got me into the

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field as a servant leader. And
how beautiful that you're the example of your

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parents who you wanted to emulate.
It doesn't always go that way, as

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you know, doctor Wright. So
I appreciate that you had the ability to

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appreciate who they were an example they
were giving to you. And the other

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thing I want to call out to
what you just said there is going back

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to how you distinguish the individuals versus
collectivist cultures. When we do serve other

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people, we do transcend from ourselves, and that is a It is a

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way to be able to access well
being, as you know, step away

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from anxiety and depression. And I
love that you are literally a living,

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walking, breathing example of that,
you know, And it's been a blessing

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at least because the more I give
and the more I serve, the more

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I receive. And I know that
sounds kind of cliche and maybe kind of

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corny to some people, but when
you put it into practice, it has

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paid off one hundred fold because you're
not looking for a payoff. You're looking

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for an opportunity to change the life
that's in front of you. And if

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you focus on that, one life
at a time in front of you,

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the blessings you receive and the purpose
that you're able to carve out for yourself

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becomes clearer and clearer and clearer with
each smile on that young face, with

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each thank you that may come down
the road, which each opportunity that the

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individual that you have put forth some
effort to interact with finds a way to

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then pay that forward, you know, And to me, that is the

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ultimate intrinsic value of doing something,
because inside it feels good and that's the

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payoffs, and then the other things
come. Blessings come when you serve others

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well, Doctor, right. A
big reason that I host to show and

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to the work that I do is
that I stand to make a difference in

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one million lives before I drop into
the ground, and I want them to

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be able to get present to their
passion, their inspiration and their purpose and

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live it because I know that the
world is a much better place when they

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do, and there's a ripple effect
that happens when they live that way.

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So that's why I'm doing what I'm
doing. That's a beautiful thing, and

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I applaud you for that because it's
selfless and to me, when we focus

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more on how we can change the
conditions of humanity, then our situations,

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our individual situations piled into comparison with
some of the things that we are confronted

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with and some of the challenges that
we are then called to serve. And

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so when you seek it, you
will find an authorit unity to change those

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lives. But I have no doubt
in my mind you're going to get your

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one million and have plenty of years
after that to enjoy it as well.

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Well. Thank you, Thank you
so much. It's a great, great

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privilege to get to live this kind
of a purpose. And I know you

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know, and along those lines,
I wanted to talk with you about some

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of the different populations that you serve. It's really quite incredible. I do

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not know how you sleep or when
you sleep, but one of the populations

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you serve is in government, and
so it would be interesting if you could

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share just some of the work that
you find most fulfilling as the Directory of

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Behavior of Health and Justice Related Services
at the City of Philadelphia. Can't even

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imagine how big that job must be. It's huge, and I get pleasure

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from it because I get to impact
systems and so in this particular case,

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I am not impacting directly individuals.
And so when I first got into psychology

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and went to graduate school, you
know, I wanted to help people with

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problems, and you had the oh, you know stereotype of you know,

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Stigma and Floyd sitting in a leather
chair talking to somebody on the couch and

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you're helping one person at a time. And you know, I was young,

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I was naive, and I did
that for many, many years.

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But what I found by coming to
the City of Philadelphia, the city of

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brotherly Love and sisterly affection as they
like to call it, is that you

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can help more people by impacting systems
and communities. And so that's what this

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job gives me the opportunity to do. And so what my you know,

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to summarize, my main responsibility is
I oversee the resources for treatment and supports

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for anybody returning back to Philadelphia from
either jail, prison, or psychiatric hospitalization.

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Now that's huge. You know,
we're the fifth largest city in the

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nation, and so you can imagine
that we have a large population that fits

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into the category of having behavior health
challenges. Add into that, we are

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one of the higher poverty have one
of the higher poverty rates for the top

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ten cities, and so you're dealing
with people that qualify for Medicaid, which

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is services that would be for behavior
health challenges as opposed to Medicare, which

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is for physical medicine. And so
it gives me the opportunity to really look

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at what people that are falling into
those categories the target populations need and so

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we take a population health approach,
and what that really means is that we

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do not try to impact one individual
at a time. We try to impact

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communities, which then impacts individuals.
And so we are not a direct care

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organization. We are a managed care
organization that also is affiliated with the government,

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and so we contract services out to
providers who actually provide the direct care

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and so my job is to oversee
the programs and to make sure we have

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creative ways to deliver services efficiently and
effectively to that target population, those with

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mental health challenges and substance use disort
And so that's what that job for the

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government actually affords me to do.
So I hear scale in that, which

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is fantastic. That's the reason I
created my online community to doctor right was

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I knew that I couldn't make a
difference in a million lives if I was

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only doing it program by program or
on occasion one to one coaching. So

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I really appreciate that. And then
along those lines, I'd love for you

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to share just a little bit about
the work you're doing on criminal and civil

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justice issues, especially as it relates
to anything you're doing in the prisons.

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Yeah, this is I'm going to
tell you, at least, this is

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the work of my heart. This
is what I would do for free and

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often do. But this is where
I get an opportunity to go inside the

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prisons. And I usually go inside
the prisons that hold the most Philadelphians.

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So the two closest prisons to Philadelphia
is where I go. Obviously, people

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are spread out all over the state. But those two prisons that I go

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to are the ones that hold the
most Philadelphians. And what I do is

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I do programs. One is called
Fathers and Children Together, which we contract

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00:28:47.400 --> 00:28:52.240
with a provider that had vans and
we take children of incarcerated parents up to

410
00:28:52.319 --> 00:28:56.640
the prison to visit their fathers and
sometimes grandfathers, and we have a program

411
00:28:56.640 --> 00:29:00.359
that vets these individuals behind the walls
and make sure that there are no legal

412
00:29:00.440 --> 00:29:03.160
challenges, that there are no issues
with fathers being in contact with their children.

413
00:29:03.359 --> 00:29:08.119
We obviously at the primary caregiver and
make sure that he or she or

414
00:29:08.160 --> 00:29:14.319
the guardian is okay with that.
We do all that stuff before we get

415
00:29:14.359 --> 00:29:17.759
started. We start with about fifty
gentlemen that sign up for the program.

416
00:29:17.839 --> 00:29:21.400
We whittle it down to about fifteen, and then we have about eight weeks

417
00:29:21.440 --> 00:29:26.680
of programming where we do psycho educational
groups behind the walls. We make sure

418
00:29:26.720 --> 00:29:32.519
that the children have icebreakers. We
enlist mural arts, which is very huge

419
00:29:32.519 --> 00:29:36.519
in Philadelphia. We're a city of
murals, and so we have partnerships with

420
00:29:37.240 --> 00:29:41.480
mural arts that come in to the
prisons with us and we teach their fathers

421
00:29:41.920 --> 00:29:45.599
how to love themselves first and then
how to interact with their children. We

422
00:29:45.640 --> 00:29:51.799
teach the children how to love themselves
and how to interact with their father,

423
00:29:51.880 --> 00:29:53.759
and then we take us separate.
We have a separate group where we take

424
00:29:53.799 --> 00:29:56.960
the mothers or primary caregivers. We
don't go with them and they don't go

425
00:29:57.000 --> 00:30:00.200
with us into the prison. We
take them to our restaurant close by the

426
00:30:00.279 --> 00:30:03.720
president, so that the focus for
the father and the child is on each

427
00:30:03.759 --> 00:30:07.759
other. And then we have parallel
psycho educational groups for the mother to support

428
00:30:07.799 --> 00:30:11.880
the mother or primary caregiver, and
then we have graduation at the end of

429
00:30:11.920 --> 00:30:18.759
those eight weeks for all the parents
to be together in the room. The

430
00:30:18.759 --> 00:30:22.519
state of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania supports
us and doing this, they provide space.

431
00:30:23.200 --> 00:30:26.440
And the key thing about this release
is that it is the prisoners,

432
00:30:26.799 --> 00:30:30.960
the inmates, if you will,
the incarcerated individuals who partner with us on

433
00:30:32.000 --> 00:30:36.680
this program, that actually pay for
the dinner that we take the mothers too.

434
00:30:37.559 --> 00:30:40.680
Every week we take the mothers to
dinner, but it's paid for by

435
00:30:40.680 --> 00:30:44.960
those gentlemen earning eighteen cents an hour
doing whatever it is they do behind the

436
00:30:44.960 --> 00:30:48.160
walls. And that's who pays for
the dinner. They have their own fundraisers

437
00:30:48.440 --> 00:30:51.799
to make sure that the mother's dinner
is paid for by them. And the

438
00:30:51.880 --> 00:30:56.000
purpose of this is they say,
we played a part, We played a

439
00:30:56.119 --> 00:31:00.799
role in destroying much of our community. We also want to play a role

440
00:31:02.319 --> 00:31:06.759
and restoring ourcumentity. And so that
program Fathers and Children Together has been going

441
00:31:06.799 --> 00:31:10.359
on about twelve years and then is
an excellent one, and it is one

442
00:31:10.400 --> 00:31:12.559
that we kind of highlight in the
Commonwealth. And so I can tell you

443
00:31:12.599 --> 00:31:17.119
about other programs that be interested.
But that's sort of the beacon of one

444
00:31:17.119 --> 00:31:19.559
of the programs that I like to
do. That's gorgeous work and I can

445
00:31:19.599 --> 00:31:23.480
see how that goes back to how
we restore ourselves in service of others.

446
00:31:23.519 --> 00:31:26.039
That's amazing. I wish we had
more time to hear more. But let's

447
00:31:26.039 --> 00:31:30.359
grab our next break. I'm Alis
Cortez, your host. Even the Earth

448
00:31:30.440 --> 00:31:33.680
Doctor H. Gen Wright, a
transformational, highly experienced and professionally trained clinical

449
00:31:33.720 --> 00:31:38.240
and forensic psychologist with over twenty years
experience and behavioral health. Here's the author

450
00:31:38.240 --> 00:31:42.319
of Fine Strength in Your Struggle Discovering
the Miracle in You. He joiced today

451
00:31:42.319 --> 00:31:47.039
from Philadelphia Pennsylvania. After the break, we're going to talk more about how

452
00:31:47.079 --> 00:31:49.480
we can apply just what it is
doctor Right does and what he knows.

453
00:31:49.599 --> 00:32:00.599
Stay with us, We'll be right
back. Polase Cortes is a speaker and

454
00:32:00.799 --> 00:32:07.720
engagement and development catalyst. She designs
and delivers professional development, leadership and engagement

455
00:32:07.799 --> 00:32:12.599
workshops and can bring her expertise to
your organization. She will help ignite meaningful

456
00:32:12.640 --> 00:32:17.000
development within your workforce that will increase
employee engagement, performance and retention. To

457
00:32:17.119 --> 00:32:22.039
learn more or to invite Elise to
speak to your organization, please visit her

458
00:32:22.079 --> 00:32:27.759
at www dot Elisecortes dot com.
She would welcome the opportunity to help get

459
00:32:27.799 --> 00:32:38.279
your employees working on purpose. This
is working on Purpose with Elise Cortes.

460
00:32:38.680 --> 00:32:45.839
To reach our program today, send
an email to a Lease Aliic at Alisecortes

461
00:32:45.920 --> 00:32:52.759
dot com. Now back to working
on Purpose. Thanks Christine with us,

462
00:32:52.759 --> 00:32:54.599
and welcome back to working only purpose. If you're just tuning in, My

463
00:32:54.599 --> 00:32:59.480
guest is doctor H. Gene Wright, a transformational, highly experienced and professionally

464
00:32:59.480 --> 00:33:04.519
trained and forensic psychologist with over twenty
years of experience and behavioral health as a

465
00:33:04.519 --> 00:33:08.279
clinical consultant, facilitator, and trainer. Doctor Wright teaches subtleties of human interaction

466
00:33:08.400 --> 00:33:13.880
to successfully embrace and celebrate the variety
of personalities in the workforce and community.

467
00:33:14.079 --> 00:33:17.200
I'm your host, Alice Cortes.
So, doctor Wright, before we went

468
00:33:17.240 --> 00:33:21.559
on break, we were talking about
some of your experience. We have time

469
00:33:21.599 --> 00:33:23.720
if we will. We can't talk
about all your experience, but just briefly,

470
00:33:23.759 --> 00:33:29.720
will you talk about your work in
academia at Temple University supervising graduate students

471
00:33:29.720 --> 00:33:34.079
in clinical psychology and what that really
means to you getting to steward the next

472
00:33:34.119 --> 00:33:37.680
generation. Yes, Alise, thank
you for asking that question. I really

473
00:33:37.720 --> 00:33:40.240
love the work. I've been at
Temple for nine years and I'm on the

474
00:33:40.240 --> 00:33:45.480
clinical faculty there and I'm also adjunct
professor, so i teach some undergrade classes

475
00:33:45.519 --> 00:33:50.000
as well and for the graduate students, that gives me an opportunity to teach

476
00:33:50.559 --> 00:33:59.039
multicultural classes from a clinical standpoint how
to best serve diverse populations, and that's

477
00:33:59.079 --> 00:34:01.839
important. We do not have a
lot of diversity in the doctoral program.

478
00:34:02.039 --> 00:34:07.760
Attempt me transparent with you there,
but we have willing and eager students who

479
00:34:07.840 --> 00:34:12.320
recognize that to be effective in the
world, they're going to have to be

480
00:34:12.400 --> 00:34:17.320
able to serve all people but also
be familiar with some of the unique cultures

481
00:34:17.320 --> 00:34:21.559
and organizations that they may be dealing
with as well as individuals. And so

482
00:34:22.079 --> 00:34:27.559
that is something that I, again
I love to do. I supervise probably

483
00:34:28.039 --> 00:34:30.679
for students per semesters. You know, doctoral programs tend to be small,

484
00:34:31.079 --> 00:34:37.440
and so I get an opportunity to
give really face to face individual attention,

485
00:34:37.920 --> 00:34:39.639
both in a group format. I
meet with them in a group once a

486
00:34:39.679 --> 00:34:44.519
week, once a week, and
then I also meet with them individually so

487
00:34:44.519 --> 00:34:47.320
that they get their individual hour by
themselves. And so it is a work

488
00:34:47.360 --> 00:34:51.960
of love. It's something that I
really enjoy doing. Working with young people,

489
00:34:51.960 --> 00:34:55.880
whether undergraduate or graduate population keeps me
young, It keeps me motivated and

490
00:34:57.039 --> 00:35:00.760
energized. And again it speaks to
the purpose that I believe I'm here.

491
00:35:01.440 --> 00:35:04.840
It's so beautiful, doctor right.
And again I wanted to ask you those

492
00:35:04.920 --> 00:35:07.880
questions because I wanted to presence for
our listeners just what it feels like,

493
00:35:07.920 --> 00:35:10.400
what it looks like, it sounds
like when you do get to live your

494
00:35:10.440 --> 00:35:15.000
purpose and you really get to make
the difference in the world that's worthy of

495
00:35:15.039 --> 00:35:17.400
your one precious life. And I
knew that you would bring that to life

496
00:35:17.480 --> 00:35:22.000
just as you did. So thank
you for that gorgeous So I want to

497
00:35:22.000 --> 00:35:23.480
go on now if we can,
Doctor Wright, just because it's so important

498
00:35:23.519 --> 00:35:27.559
to me that our listeners walk away
with something they could just put to use

499
00:35:27.599 --> 00:35:30.840
and chew on and just make it
part of their lives. So I want

500
00:35:30.840 --> 00:35:34.880
to talk about being able to apply
some of the concepts that you know from

501
00:35:34.920 --> 00:35:37.679
your work. And one of the
things that I found so interesting that I

502
00:35:37.719 --> 00:35:40.239
know our listeners can really relate to, is you write in your book that

503
00:35:40.280 --> 00:35:44.880
we can all fall prey to becoming
so discouraged by our struggles that we just

504
00:35:45.119 --> 00:35:49.119
lay down and believe there is no
hope. So what can you share with

505
00:35:49.199 --> 00:35:52.360
our listeners to give them more insight
and hope on this topic. Yeah,

506
00:35:52.400 --> 00:35:57.199
that's an excellent question, and it's
one that I've pondered myself over the years,

507
00:35:57.239 --> 00:36:00.480
which really was a motivation for me
to write the book, because I'd

508
00:36:00.519 --> 00:36:04.199
certainly experienced many of the things that
I write about. And what I would

509
00:36:04.239 --> 00:36:07.400
say is sometimes when you're in the
midst of your struggle, you have blinders

510
00:36:07.440 --> 00:36:12.480
on if you will, and so
if the listeners and you can put your

511
00:36:12.519 --> 00:36:15.719
hands up by your eyes like you
would if you were and had blinders on

512
00:36:15.760 --> 00:36:20.000
your eyes. And that's how it
feels when we are in the midst of

513
00:36:20.039 --> 00:36:22.079
a struggle and all we can see
is the problem straight in front of us.

514
00:36:22.519 --> 00:36:27.000
And so I tell people, you
are maybe difficult to pull your hands

515
00:36:27.039 --> 00:36:30.639
down so you can get peripheral visions, so you can see everything around you,

516
00:36:30.679 --> 00:36:32.519
that there are other possibilities, there
are other choices, there are other

517
00:36:32.559 --> 00:36:36.880
things going on. And so what
I teach my students, if you can't

518
00:36:37.199 --> 00:36:40.159
pull your hands down from around your
eyes, if you simply back up,

519
00:36:40.719 --> 00:36:45.599
you get more vision if you back
up. And so metaphorically speaking, if

520
00:36:45.599 --> 00:36:50.519
we can back up away from the
problem, that we're not so close to

521
00:36:50.559 --> 00:36:52.480
it that we're not living and breathing
it. Every day, looking at the

522
00:36:52.519 --> 00:36:55.719
problem, going to sleep with the
problem, waking up with the problem,

523
00:36:55.760 --> 00:37:02.239
worrying and perseverating of the problem,
we end up finding ourselves so close that

524
00:37:02.280 --> 00:37:05.880
we can't see the options. We
can't see the hope, we can't see

525
00:37:05.880 --> 00:37:08.639
the strength. And so by simply
backing up, if you will, your

526
00:37:08.760 --> 00:37:15.159
vision broadens and you're able to see
that Wait a minute, I've been through

527
00:37:15.199 --> 00:37:20.239
some difficulties before and I survived to
the day. Okay, what did I

528
00:37:20.360 --> 00:37:24.000
do before? Okay? I have
the strength to get through this now.

529
00:37:24.280 --> 00:37:28.679
And so when we're in the middle
of it, we often forget about the

530
00:37:28.719 --> 00:37:31.079
successes that we've had in the past. And I'm not one to dwell on

531
00:37:31.159 --> 00:37:36.280
the past, but I think the
past has some very important information. One

532
00:37:36.480 --> 00:37:40.519
we can learn from mistakes, and
two we can remind ourselves of success.

533
00:37:40.800 --> 00:37:45.639
And to me, that is what
you can do in the moment when you

534
00:37:45.679 --> 00:37:47.840
feel like you're just getting beat up
by life. You can remember the fact

535
00:37:47.880 --> 00:37:52.440
that you didn't make it to the
day without having some triumphs, without having

536
00:37:52.440 --> 00:37:55.360
some victories, and you certainly didn't
get to the day by giving up,

537
00:37:55.599 --> 00:38:04.119
And so reminding yourself of that and
speaking faith and strength into your life and

538
00:38:04.199 --> 00:38:07.039
get you through those moments when you're
focused too much on the problem instead of

539
00:38:07.599 --> 00:38:12.960
focusing on the fact that you've been
here before and you survive and now you

540
00:38:13.000 --> 00:38:16.360
can thrive. That is very actionable. Thank you, That is just what

541
00:38:16.440 --> 00:38:20.559
I wanted for our listeners. Thank
you for that. And then next along

542
00:38:20.599 --> 00:38:23.760
those lines, you talk about how
doubt crushes faith, and I find this

543
00:38:23.920 --> 00:38:27.920
also true when we are pursuing our
purpose and trying to live it fully.

544
00:38:28.480 --> 00:38:30.280
So can you share your perspective on
this. What can we do to stay

545
00:38:30.320 --> 00:38:34.719
on track when we feel that doubt. Yes, once again, it's kind

546
00:38:34.760 --> 00:38:39.000
of related to what I just stated
in terms of the focus. Doubt really

547
00:38:39.039 --> 00:38:44.199
comes from us replaying over and over
and over again in our mind our failures.

548
00:38:44.800 --> 00:38:47.159
And so by replaying the failures over
in our mind, we start to

549
00:38:47.199 --> 00:38:52.280
convince ourselves that we can't do it
whatever it is we Okay, well,

550
00:38:52.400 --> 00:38:53.760
you know, I haven't had any
success, right, so everything I've tried

551
00:38:53.800 --> 00:38:59.679
recently has failed, and so I
don't have confidence. I've lost confidence in

552
00:38:59.719 --> 00:39:02.800
my ability to do what I want
to do. And so that's the first

553
00:39:02.840 --> 00:39:07.559
thing that doubt does. And so
when doubt gets you thinking that you no

554
00:39:07.599 --> 00:39:10.920
longer have abilities or that you never
had abilities, then it's hard to have

555
00:39:10.960 --> 00:39:17.559
faith because faith cannot coexist with fear
and doubt. That's why you have to

556
00:39:17.599 --> 00:39:22.599
remove fear and doubt to exercise faith. Now, sometimes you have to exercise

557
00:39:22.639 --> 00:39:28.000
faith while you're still afraid, you
know, and so you have to move

558
00:39:28.360 --> 00:39:31.639
toward the goal. And so you
don't think that you're qualified for the job,

559
00:39:31.719 --> 00:39:36.079
but you will never know if you
don't put forth the application, and

560
00:39:36.119 --> 00:39:38.159
so that's the faith. I'm going
to put the application in, even though

561
00:39:38.519 --> 00:39:42.519
I don't think I'm going to get
it. Okay, put the application in.

562
00:39:43.039 --> 00:39:45.599
Okay, I'm not sure I'm going
to get into to the program that

563
00:39:45.639 --> 00:39:50.599
I want at the university. Okay, that's your fear, that's your doubt.

564
00:39:51.320 --> 00:39:53.920
Fill out the application. You have
to do the very basic, minimal

565
00:39:54.119 --> 00:40:00.760
thing that exercises just a smidgeon of
faith to start away at the doubt.

566
00:40:01.039 --> 00:40:06.119
And so when we are able to
do that, then we have now a

567
00:40:06.239 --> 00:40:10.320
coexistence that's not proper. You cannot
doubt and have faith at the same time.

568
00:40:10.360 --> 00:40:15.760
And so practicing those small little steps
of faith eventually chips away at the

569
00:40:15.800 --> 00:40:20.000
doubt, and eventually doubt will have
to leave because doubt cannot coexist with faith.

570
00:40:21.159 --> 00:40:22.559
I find that so encouraging. Listeners. I hope you do too.

571
00:40:22.599 --> 00:40:25.400
That's why I ask him that question, because we all need this stuff.

572
00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:30.039
And the next doctor Wright, oh
my gosh, listeners, for some of

573
00:40:30.039 --> 00:40:31.039
you, this might be a real
wake up call. So I'm going to

574
00:40:31.119 --> 00:40:34.760
read this passage that you put in
your book here, and then I want

575
00:40:34.760 --> 00:40:37.480
you to talk about it, if
you will. I found this so profound,

576
00:40:37.559 --> 00:40:39.719
doctor Wright. You say, quote, those who find themselves at the

577
00:40:39.760 --> 00:40:44.519
lowest point in their lives are usually
shocked and haltingly surprised that it came to

578
00:40:44.559 --> 00:40:47.440
this. You do not arrive at
a point of helplessness purely by accident,

579
00:40:47.719 --> 00:40:52.920
and not usually overnight. More likely
a succession of circumstances accumulated over time,

580
00:40:53.320 --> 00:40:58.360
red flags when unnoticed in sirens of
warning when unheeded, or were not taken

581
00:40:58.400 --> 00:41:01.519
seriously. End quote. So I
want to talk with our listeners about how

582
00:41:01.559 --> 00:41:06.400
you suggest we get more present and
more attentive to these signs so we can

583
00:41:06.400 --> 00:41:10.199
more quickly respond to the deteriorating situation
and get back on track more quickly.

584
00:41:10.280 --> 00:41:15.920
That would be incredibly useful instead of
years and years of decline. Yes,

585
00:41:15.199 --> 00:41:20.800
and I think again, these topics
are related. And so what usually has

586
00:41:20.880 --> 00:41:24.920
most people finding themselves at a place
that they would not have predicted is that

587
00:41:24.960 --> 00:41:30.119
they first lose sight of who they
are, and so slowly, over time

588
00:41:30.679 --> 00:41:37.519
people start compromising their values. You
compromise your wants, your preferences. Sometimes

589
00:41:37.519 --> 00:41:40.920
that happens in a relationship. Sometimes
it happens because you're trying to please others.

590
00:41:42.320 --> 00:41:45.639
Sometimes it happens because maybe you had
a failure here or something happened,

591
00:41:45.679 --> 00:41:50.159
and dow creep in and now you
can't shake it because now you don't believe

592
00:41:50.199 --> 00:41:52.960
you have abilities, and it just
goes on and on and on. But

593
00:41:52.039 --> 00:41:57.679
it really starts with ignoring that still
small voice that gut in you, that

594
00:41:57.760 --> 00:42:02.159
says I can do better, can
be better. This doesn't feel right for

595
00:42:02.360 --> 00:42:07.079
me. I may not know what's
best, but I know this isn't what's

596
00:42:07.119 --> 00:42:10.280
best. This doesn't feel right,
and so we ignore, and we ignore,

597
00:42:10.480 --> 00:42:14.480
and we start to push down,
if you will, we start to

598
00:42:14.559 --> 00:42:20.119
push down our feelings inside and ignoring
that voice in us that says, you

599
00:42:20.159 --> 00:42:22.280
don't like this, This is not
how you want to live. This does

600
00:42:22.320 --> 00:42:24.760
not want you, This is not
what you want in your life, and

601
00:42:24.800 --> 00:42:29.000
we ignore it and we know it, and we make excuses either for the

602
00:42:29.039 --> 00:42:32.920
people that we are allowing to harm
us, or allowing to take away our

603
00:42:34.039 --> 00:42:39.280
joy, or allowing to minimize our
desires, or we're telling ourselves about our

604
00:42:39.320 --> 00:42:45.280
own value, and we're depleting our
own energy by not adhering to the voice

605
00:42:45.320 --> 00:42:49.360
that we hear inside saying you can
do better. You want more, you

606
00:42:49.400 --> 00:42:52.039
can have more. And that's when
we really start to just throw our hands

607
00:42:52.079 --> 00:42:55.039
up and say, well, you
know what, I haven't demonstrated anything so

608
00:42:55.119 --> 00:42:59.440
far. I've been in this relationship
too long. I've been at this job

609
00:42:59.480 --> 00:43:01.000
so long as as a matter,
I have to pay my bill, and

610
00:43:01.039 --> 00:43:06.119
we go excuse after excuse after excuse, which may be a legitimate thing.

611
00:43:06.840 --> 00:43:09.400
Just because it's an excuse doesn't mean
it's not legitimate. But when I use

612
00:43:09.480 --> 00:43:14.440
the word excuse, I'm simply saying, we are telling ourselves reasons to stay

613
00:43:14.480 --> 00:43:19.480
in the misery. We are giving
ourselves reasons to not try a different route.

614
00:43:19.719 --> 00:43:22.480
And so to me, that's what
I mean when I say we wake

615
00:43:22.559 --> 00:43:27.039
up one day surprise that it came
to all this, because nobody saw it

616
00:43:27.079 --> 00:43:30.280
coming, because we ignore the warning
signs which come from us, not outside

617
00:43:30.280 --> 00:43:36.440
of ourselves. The warning signs come
from internal connection with yourself, knowing who

618
00:43:36.440 --> 00:43:38.719
you are, knowing what your preferences
are, knowing what you like, knowing

619
00:43:38.719 --> 00:43:43.039
what you love about yourself and about
your life. And so the key is

620
00:43:43.360 --> 00:43:45.320
if you do not have that self
love, if you do not have that

621
00:43:45.440 --> 00:43:51.599
self presence, that introspective ability to
look in the mirror and say I like

622
00:43:51.639 --> 00:43:55.000
what I see or I see where
I can improve. That's when you wake

623
00:43:55.079 --> 00:43:59.239
up. And I use the word
wake up as if it happened overnight,

624
00:43:59.280 --> 00:44:01.760
But that's why there that it doesn't. It is over time. Just like

625
00:44:01.800 --> 00:44:07.320
that cumutive effect of the wrecking ball, it is the cuminative effect of ignoring

626
00:44:07.719 --> 00:44:10.119
your inner voice. It gets you
to the place of losing your purpose,

627
00:44:10.519 --> 00:44:15.719
losing your focus, and losing your
ability to say I can get out of

628
00:44:15.760 --> 00:44:19.760
this. That gives us so much
access to right, doctor, right,

629
00:44:19.800 --> 00:44:22.800
Thank you so much for that.
Now, coming toward the end of the

630
00:44:22.800 --> 00:44:24.719
show here, I want to take
us back to again a key message in

631
00:44:24.719 --> 00:44:27.639
your book which we talked about at
the beginning of the show, but I

632
00:44:27.639 --> 00:44:30.159
want to bring it back home for
our listeners. But many of us on

633
00:44:30.639 --> 00:44:34.320
the show, including myself, have
been fired from a job and or gotten

634
00:44:34.320 --> 00:44:37.239
divorced that too at some point in
our lives. And it's exceedingly hard to

635
00:44:37.280 --> 00:44:40.320
cope and respond at times with stuff
like this. And you talk with us

636
00:44:40.320 --> 00:44:44.280
in your book about how we can
find joy in our cross to bear,

637
00:44:44.559 --> 00:44:49.599
and now confronting it makes us stronger. Yes, it's a challenge, and

638
00:44:50.000 --> 00:44:52.480
as I wrote that, and as
I read it now, I say to

639
00:44:52.519 --> 00:44:54.960
myself, Wow, I remember why
I wrote that, and I remember when

640
00:44:55.000 --> 00:44:58.800
I wrote that, and it's still
hard, even for me at least,

641
00:44:58.840 --> 00:45:02.719
it's hard because when life beats us
south and when things go a ri or

642
00:45:02.840 --> 00:45:08.320
we feel like we've got an unfair
deal here, it's easy to point outside

643
00:45:08.320 --> 00:45:12.920
of ourselves and say, Wow,
it's luck, it's powerful others, it's

644
00:45:12.960 --> 00:45:16.000
fate. And I don't believe any
of that. I believe that we truly

645
00:45:16.079 --> 00:45:21.599
do have the internal power to change
our lives. And that's what finding purpose

646
00:45:21.719 --> 00:45:24.599
does. When you realize why you're
on this earth, then it doesn't matter

647
00:45:24.639 --> 00:45:29.480
if your salary is in the top
five percent or in the lower five percent,

648
00:45:29.519 --> 00:45:31.320
because you know you're doing what you
are put on this earth to do.

649
00:45:31.719 --> 00:45:36.159
And so when we have those challenges
that you mentioned, and I use

650
00:45:36.199 --> 00:45:38.719
those as saying, we're all in
recovery from something most people think with recovery

651
00:45:38.719 --> 00:45:43.519
has mental illness or substance use disorder. No, you mentioned the things that

652
00:45:43.559 --> 00:45:46.280
most people are in recovery from.
Divorce, empty mass, kids go off

653
00:45:46.320 --> 00:45:51.440
to college. What do I do
now? It's all relationship really building if

654
00:45:51.440 --> 00:45:52.800
you look at it lost. If
we could sum up in one word,

655
00:45:53.280 --> 00:45:58.480
it would be lost. We experience
laws as human beings, we experience loss,

656
00:45:58.480 --> 00:46:01.840
whether it's other people, jobs,
And that's why I say stresses people,

657
00:46:01.880 --> 00:46:07.599
places, and things. And so
once we understand that avoiding the stress

658
00:46:07.679 --> 00:46:13.039
or trying to avoid dealing with the
loss, all that does is perpetuated.

659
00:46:13.079 --> 00:46:15.599
It's like telling somebody, do not
look at that pink spot on the wall,

660
00:46:16.599 --> 00:46:21.639
or what do you do now?
You can no longer stop looking at

661
00:46:21.639 --> 00:46:24.800
the spot on the wall. Right, And so by telling ourselves do not

662
00:46:25.599 --> 00:46:30.800
worry about this, or I didn't
need her anyway, or you know he

663
00:46:30.880 --> 00:46:34.519
wasn't good for me anyway, I'm
going to No, that's not what I'm

664
00:46:34.559 --> 00:46:37.960
talking about. I'm talking about embracing
the fact that, hey, I feel

665
00:46:37.000 --> 00:46:43.559
lousy about what just happened. I
am not feeling good about this loss.

666
00:46:43.840 --> 00:46:47.960
Being honest and transparent with yourself gives
you the ability to see yourself as you

667
00:46:49.039 --> 00:46:52.679
are so that you can now make
the changes that need to happen to get

668
00:46:52.719 --> 00:46:54.519
you back to your purpose. No, you're not dwelling in it, You're

669
00:46:54.519 --> 00:46:59.159
not wallowing in self pity. What
you're doing, though, is saying I'm

670
00:46:59.199 --> 00:47:02.480
acknowledging that I I'm hurt. I'm
acknowledging that this doesn't feel good. I'm

671
00:47:02.519 --> 00:47:07.159
acknowledging that sometimes I feel weak.
Sometimes I feel like I don't have the

672
00:47:07.199 --> 00:47:10.960
ability or the strength. All of
those are natural as human qualities, but

673
00:47:12.000 --> 00:47:15.639
at least we can't stay there.
It's okay to be honest enough to say

674
00:47:15.800 --> 00:47:20.320
that's where I feel or that's where
I am today, but I can't stay

675
00:47:20.360 --> 00:47:22.360
there. And that's how you can
find the strength and your self things.

676
00:47:22.360 --> 00:47:27.119
That's how you can find the joy
in your cross by recognizing all the things

677
00:47:27.119 --> 00:47:30.559
that we've said during this hour,
and that is I do have the ability.

678
00:47:30.760 --> 00:47:32.800
I have to remind myself, and
it's not that far down, it's

679
00:47:32.880 --> 00:47:37.400
right there. I have to remember
the victories and the triumphs that I've had

680
00:47:37.400 --> 00:47:43.079
before in difficult situations. I have
to remind myself that I've been in good

681
00:47:43.119 --> 00:47:46.559
relationships as well. I have to
remind myself that I was in jobs or

682
00:47:46.559 --> 00:47:51.000
I was considered excellent as well,
and so all of the things that I

683
00:47:51.039 --> 00:47:57.039
may be building up as negative against
myself, I often have parallel examples of

684
00:47:57.119 --> 00:48:02.039
successes of triumphs of strength that also
call upon and so it becomes selective memory.

685
00:48:02.360 --> 00:48:06.239
Okay, got it, doctor right. Thank you. I've got to

686
00:48:06.239 --> 00:48:07.519
stop you really quickly because we've we've
got to close and I want to make

687
00:48:07.519 --> 00:48:09.800
sure the how to find you.
So that is a beautiful way to finish.

688
00:48:09.800 --> 00:48:13.440
Thank you so much for that,
and thank you for joining us,

689
00:48:13.440 --> 00:48:16.599
doctor Wright and sharing your heart,
your soul airpurmose with us, beautiful listeners.

690
00:48:16.639 --> 00:48:20.000
If you want to learn more about
doctor Wright, his book or the

691
00:48:20.039 --> 00:48:23.119
work he is doing, visit him
at his website. It's doctor Hgen Doctor

692
00:48:23.360 --> 00:48:28.320
doctor Hgen dot com. Let me
spell that for you d R h J

693
00:48:28.639 --> 00:48:32.599
E A n dot com or dropping
him in the email to the Right Method

694
00:48:32.679 --> 00:48:37.840
twenty twenty at gmail dot com.
So that's the w R I g h

695
00:48:38.000 --> 00:48:43.639
T Method twenty twenty at gmail dot
com. Last week, did you missed

696
00:48:43.639 --> 00:48:45.519
the show live? You can always
catch it. We recorded podcast We Are

697
00:48:45.559 --> 00:48:49.960
on the Air with Carl Munger of
the Gallant Few, which is an organization

698
00:48:50.039 --> 00:48:53.199
that helps veterans transition from military to
civilian life with hope and purpose. We

699
00:48:53.280 --> 00:48:58.559
talked about what veterans experience trying to
make this transition alone and how daunting it

700
00:48:58.599 --> 00:49:01.199
is. Some of the work carls
areization is doing to make that transition smooth,

701
00:49:01.400 --> 00:49:05.159
connecting, and productive. Next week, we'll be on the air with

702
00:49:05.199 --> 00:49:08.840
doctor James Pogue talking about unconscious bias. You'll be surprised to learn just how

703
00:49:08.840 --> 00:49:12.960
pernicious it is, likely even in
your own life. See you there.

704
00:49:13.039 --> 00:49:15.719
Remember that work is at least one
third of our life, so let's work

705
00:49:15.760 --> 00:49:22.000
on purpose. We hope you've enjoyed
this week's program. Be sure to tune

706
00:49:22.039 --> 00:49:27.920
in to Working on Purpose, featuring
your host Alas Cortes, each week on

707
00:49:28.000 --> 00:49:32.800
the Voice America Empowerment Channel. This
week, find your life's purpose at work.