Nov. 20, 2019

Finding Strength in Your Struggle

Finding Strength in Your Struggle

Anxiety and depression are the most common mental health diagnoses in the US, followed by substance abuse disorder. This is due in part to our tendency as an individualistic society to assume alone more day-to-day burdens than our collectivist society...

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Anxiety and depression are the most common mental health diagnoses in the US, followed by substance abuse disorder. This is due in part to our tendency as an individualistic society to assume alone more day-to-day burdens than our collectivist society brethren who rely on a broader community to handle the pressures of daily life. This conversation encourages us to become enlightened as to how the trials and tribulations of everyday life can impact our mental and spiritual health. And in the most helpful and optimistic way, it reminds us that we should embrace how the miracle in us can become a powerful energy to offset the debilitating affects of what can otherwise emerge as anxiety and mental or spiritual depression.

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There are some people that make their
work just another thing they have to do,

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and there are those that make their
work something that they want to do.

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Welcome to Working on Purpose with your
host Elise Cortes. In our program,

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we provide guidance and inspiration from those
people who have found deeper meaning and

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personal connection to their work life.
It's beyond nine to five. It's working

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on Purpose. Now Here is your
host, Elise Cortes. Welcome back to

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the Working on Purpose Show. Thanks
for tuning in again this week. I'm

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your host, Elise Cortes, joining
you live from Dallas, Texas, which

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is home base for me. If
you've been tuning in for a while,

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you know this program is about helping
people create more meaningful and purposeful lives and

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equipping leaders insight organizations to cultivate meaning
and purpose that elicits passion inspired contribution,

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innovation, and persevering performance. I
talk with my guests to draw on their

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expertise and share my own experience consulting, speaking developing workforces across the globe.

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Each week. In these conversations,
I hope you walk away with something you

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can immediately use in your life or
your work. And if I can do

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anything to help you along your journey. Go to my website at a Leastcortes

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dot com and use to contact me
feature to message me. Let's open a

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conversation and explore what's going on for
you and how I might be able to

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help you. Whether you want to
learn more about how to develop purpose inspired

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leadership and meaning infused culture in your
organization to elicit your team's best you want

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to see about joining a catch fire
online community to stoke your own passion,

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inspiration and purpose discovery and gain access
to tools and support to help you get

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on your way and get unstuck.
Or you'd like for me to speak for

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your company or your conference at any
rate. I'm glad we're connected, and

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thanks for listening. Now onto this
Sweek's program. With this today is doctor

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H. Gen Wright, a transformational, highly experienced and professionally trained clinical and

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forensic psychologist with over twenty years of
experience in behavioral health. He's the author

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of Find Strength in Your Struggle Discover
the Miracle in You. We'll be talking

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about some pervasive ailments we all face
in today's sciety, like trauma, stress,

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depression, and anxiety. The work
he's doing on government, private practice,

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and academic and behavior at health.
In some ways we can all apply

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what he shares with us today.
He joined U today from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

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Doctor Wright, Welcome to Working on
Purpose. Thank you, Elise,

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Thank you so much, so great
to have you. Know, as I

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said before we got on air,
you know our listeners will love listening to

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that voice of yours and then of
course learning from you. So if I

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doze off on that beautiful voice of
yours, you bring me back. Okay,

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absolutely good. All right, Well, let's open this conversation, doctor

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Wright with something every single one of
us listening can absolutely relate to, and

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that is stress and trauma. None
of us gets out of this life without

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dealing with these things. And I
know you have a particular perspective on this

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topic given the work that you do. So from your vantash point, Doctor

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Wright, what's the role of stress
and trauma in our lives? Well,

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I think you touched on the stress
as inevitable, and it's something that if

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you live in this life long enough, we find ourselves going up against stress.

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And so the one thing to look
at is what causes stress, which

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I know we'll get into more in
depth later. But basically you're looking at

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three things. People, places,
and things are the major stressors we have

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in our life, and that's why
it's inevitable. And so what I like

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to write about and talk about and
help people with is how to find strength

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and their struggle or strength and their
stress. And I definitely have a perspective

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on that before we get into that, though I do find it. There

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were so many of the phrases that
you used in passages that I found so

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compelling. But you write that trials
come with blessings and that renovation is a

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painful process. So my question to
you is do you believe that growth is

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possible in human beings without pain.
I don't think it's possible without challenges and

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stress. The word pain, depending
on who uses it, maybe has different

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connotations for everybody. What I would
say is growing pains. If we use

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it in that way, then I
would say you are correct. It is

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not possible to grow without the growing
pains. If you think about physiologically and

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how we go from infant to youth
and childhood, and you think about the

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bones and development, there are stressors
and growing pains in your knees and your

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joints that take effect. Because you're
growing, and you think about professional growth

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that you like to talk about with
purpose, you have to have challenges and

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conflict, and to me, conflict
is another word for growth, and so

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yes, you must have these challenges. You must have pressure, you must

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have situations that put you in places
where you have to stretch to reach your

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full potential. So if we want
to identify those things that's pain, then

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I would say, yes, it's
inevitable and it's necessary. We're aligned on

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that, and I'll say more about
that in just a second. But before

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we get into my perspective on this, I also want to call out a

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couple other metaphors that you used in
You talked about talk taking down a condemned

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building as a release to trials in
our lives, and I found that to

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be quite compelling. So the idea, and I know our listeners if you

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haven't read the book yet, listeners, this idea. Imagine the wrecking ball

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that brings down the building and then
implosion as the two methods that are often

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used to bring down a building.
Think about how they relate to what we

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experience in the trials real lives.
Don't we feel sometimes like there's a wrecking

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ball slamming up against us that is
never ending. And then of course this

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idea of implosion very compelling, doctor
Wright. Yeah, And the reason I

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chose those metaphors perfectly, perfect example
from the personal experience. What I would

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say is, as I was looking
at the old method of tearing down a

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building, which depending on your age
group, you may remember, our wrecking

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ball would slam into the building periodically. But the key was that the building

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did not crumble with the first two
or three blows. It was a cumulative

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effect that eventually tore down the building. And so if we use our life

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as the building and life as the
wrecking ball, we do not crumble under

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the first two or three incidences of
pressure, of laws, of challenges that

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happened. It takes time, and
so the cumulative effect of stress and pressure,

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unresolved trauma, all those things that
life has to offer sometimes if we

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do not check it, if we
do not address it, eventually will crumble

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us. The other metaphor that you
mentioned was the implosion, and that's the

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one that is more modern people think
about, and that is simply setting dynam

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out around the foundation of a building
that you want to tear down and it's

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simply either a match to like the
wick, or you push down on the

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machine and it blows up immediately.
And that, for me is when you're

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walking around tense, when you're walking
around with unresolved anger or stress or pressure

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waiting to explode. All it takes
is that next individual, that person,

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place or thing, that stressor that
ignites you that allows you to unthinkingly and

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unintentionally sometimes explode. And what that
does is causes you even more stress because

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now you have your inner workings of
that, but now you may have an

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external result depending on what you do. And not anger that causes us problems.

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It's the unresolved stress or rage of
the uncontrollable response to stress that sometimes

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gets us in trouble. So that's
why I use those two metaphors. They're

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brilliant. They're just brilliant. And
listeners just think about that for a second,

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right. Don't you all feel that
at some point the wrecking ball will

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not let up on you, or
that you know this volcano inside is about

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to implode you? I think about
that, doctor, right, because you

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might laugh at this, But first
I'll say that I do believe why.

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This is why I ask you the
question. I do believe that we do

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need those catalyzing elements to help us
respond to and become our best version of

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ourselves. I think we need that
catalyzing agent. And you'll laugh at this

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part, is that for years in
my life, I used to walk around

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saying that I probably wasn't going to
amount to too much in life because I

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really hadn't gone through very much,
and so I was like, you know,

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was just willing to accept that,
Oh, I'm going to live just

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a you know, an average,
under the radar life because I haven't had

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to deal with a lot. Now
that's changed over time. But I'm sure

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you're probably you're probably laughing at me. Yes, not laughing at you.

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I'm laughing with you. Okay.
Good because because I think other people have

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said that, not about themselves necessarily, but about other people. I've talked

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to folks who are on the outside
looking into somebody else's life, saying,

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well, they haven't had any stress, so they haven't been under any pressure,

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they haven't had any losses, they
haven't suffered any challenges, and so

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boy, it's going to be really
terrible for them when something Bonnie confronts them

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and I understand what people are saying
and what they mean. I understand certainly

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what you meant about yourself. What
I would say is that life has a

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tendency to put forth in us what
it is that we need to make it

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to the next level. So if
you use the example of being born with

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a quote unquote silver spoon in your
mouth, Oh you have everything, you

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have money, you have this,
you have that, that does not absolve

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you from stress and pressure. If
you have a situation where everything is going

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well and you have two parents that
are great and of a great childhood and

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all that, it doesn't mean that
something is not coming around the corner.

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And so it's not to live life
in paranoia, waiting for the next shooter

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drop. It's to simply be prepared
to understand that as we grow and as

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we navigate our way through life,
there will be challenges. And it's not

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for other people to look at our
life to determine whether we've had enough challenges

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or too few challenges. It is
for us to look at our own life

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and say, how can I be
better than I was yesterday? Beautiful and

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compelling. I love that, and
I'm aligned absolutely, except you just say

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it much better. All right,
Well, let's talk about the next thing.

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We talked about stress and trauma.
Now I want to talk about two

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other familiar situations that many of us
encounter. Anxiety and depression major problems in

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the United States. In fact,
you say in your book that they're the

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most common mental health diagnoses, followed
by substance use disorder. And I was

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shocked, to be honest with you, that you report that an astounding fifteen

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million Americans suffer major depression. Now
that's five d percent of the population,

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you say, so, I just
was really confronted by that. Yes,

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and unfortunately, at least that has
increased since my book was published in twenty

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sixteen. And so now we're looking
at words of eighteen percent anxiety of the

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United States prevalence anxiety and right around
fifteen percent for depression and anxiety. Depression

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tend to flip flop when it comes
to statistics, which is why I kind

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of pair them, and most people
to look at treatment tend to use things

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like cognitive behavioral therapy for both anxiety
and depression because they tend to go together

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with folks, and then substance use
disorder actually kind of leapfrog over bipolar disorder,

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which used to be number three.
And so when you think of that,

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what are the challenges that are going
on in the United States, the

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ligious country in the world, the
most successful country in the world, the

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one with the most resources. So
what is going on in our society that

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we have the highest prevalence of anxiety, the highest prevalence of depression, prevalence

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of substance use disorder, and we
have a high prevalence of violence in our

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communities. So that's the question we
have to ask ourselves. When you think

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about how blessed we are in this
country, what does it say about the

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challenges that are out there? That
is incredibly compelling? And I know we

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don't have time to really talk about
that, but do you have a perspective

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as to why that's so for us
as a country? Well, I'm glad

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you asked. I do have a
perspective. And my perspective is not one

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weighted in research or anything. It's
based on what I hear from people who

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come to me, either at the
university for treatment or during some of our

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research activities in the past, and
certainly what I did when I researched the

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book, and that is that if
you look at the United States and Northern

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Europe and Canada and probably I would
say Australia, any Western culture, we

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have something. We are in the
individualistic culture, if you will. And

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if you compare that to Africa or
Asia, or South America, parts of

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southern Europe, they come from more
of a collectivist environment or culture, which

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means that the collectivist culture environment is
geared more towards the group or the community.

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It's not the individual that is most
important, whereas in individualistic cultures like

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the United States, it is the
individual that is most important. It is

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one that's put forth. And so
it's like it's often said in sports in

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the United States, second place is
just the first loser. You know,

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we're all about winning, we're all
about competition, We're all about me first.

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And you know, from the time
you get home from the hospital,

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your parents put you in your own
room if you have that kind of resource,

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and as soon as you turn eighteen, you're supposed to go out and

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be an adult and live and then
they turn your room into an aquarium something

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like that. You know, it's
always about getting further and moving on,

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as opposed to in collectivist cultures.
Taking in elderly parents, making sure you

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have several generations that look after one
another. And so the pressures the stressors

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are different from the individualistic culture versus
the stress of pressures from a collective of

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culture. Beautifully render, doctor Wright, I do know about these different kinds

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of cultures. I completely agree with
you that that is a very strong contribution

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to what's going on. So thank
you for that. So the next thing

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I want to talk about before we
go on to our break here is really

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what I consider to be a message
of hope in your book. And a

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part of the big reason I wanted
to have you on my show, doctor

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Wright, is that you know,
this show is about inspiration and education,

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and so if I can't give my
listeners hope an inspiration, what am I

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doing. So one of the things
that you say in the book is you

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say you hope that the readers in
the readers in reading your book will become

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enlightened as to how the trials and
tribulations tribulations of everyday life can impact our

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mental and spiritual health, and that
we should all embrace how the miracle in

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us can become a powerful energy to
off say the debilitating effects of spiritual depression.

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I so what I love about that, that's catalyzing. That's a place

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for all of us to stand in
and I'm for that. So can you

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see a bit more about what it
is you hope that readers get by reading

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your book. Yes. Absolutely.
What I'm basically saying is that to build

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strength. And of course the title
of the book has find strength in your

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struggle, and so I make a
comparison that any time you want to build

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strength, there is struggle, there
is pressure, there is a challenge.

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And so if you want to be
a bodybuilder of weights and build muscle,

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you have to stress the muscle.
You have to break it down, and

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then you have to feed your body
protein to build it up, and then

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you have to do the same thing
the next day. If you want to

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be a marathon runner, you have
to put in the miles, and it's

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excruciating at times, you get shin, splints and all kinds of things happen,

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but eventually you make it and you
do your twenty six miles. If

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you want to be a swimmer,
you have to get in the water and

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you have to You may not be
swimming like a fish at first, that

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you keep at it before you know
it. You know you're right behind.

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You know, Mark Spitz and some
of those that act an old reference.

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I probably should have came up with
a normal, but you get the point

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that anything worth achieving, anything worth
anything. We're doing learning how to play

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an instrument. Even if you're born
with artistic talent, you still have to

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practice on canvas. All of those
things render the strength in us, and

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so finding the talent often comes because
you have been challenged. You have been

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faced with some obstacles. You have
barriers that you must negotiate and navigate around,

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and so finding strength in your struggle, the miracle in you is when

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you recognize that you have the ability, when you recognize your talent. One

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of my favorite thaying the least is
from Mark Twain. He said, the

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two most important days of your life
the day you were born and the day

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you find out why. To me, the finding out why is the major

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part of living on this earth.
And so the stressors, the struggles,

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the things that build up our spiritual
muscle, to build up our physical muscle,

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our psychological emotional muscle, come because
we've been challenged and we've had to

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not just survive, but to Thry. You must know your ability and then

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you put that into practice, and
then you start serving and helping others.

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And that's that how that miracle turns
from just being about you to something else.

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And so your trials and tribulations are
not just about you and your successor

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then you're being able to break through
should not be just about you. Those

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things are to be shared so that
we can understand and share purpose with each

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other, and then together we can
recognize the strength in each other. And

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that's the value in the book beautifully
summarized. And listeners, those of you

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that have come to listen to the
show today because you are struggling with something,

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You've got something really heavy on your
heart, I really hope that you

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take inspiration, possibility, and opportunity
out of what doctor Wright just said.

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It was beautiful And with that,
let's grab our first break. I'm your

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host, Alice Cortez. We were
in the air with doctor h. Gen

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Wright, a transformational, highly experienced
and professionally trained clinical and forensic psychologist with

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over twenty years of experience in behavioral
health. He's the author of Find Strength

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in Your Struggle, Discover the Miracle
in You. You judged today from Philadelphia,

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Pennsylvania. We've been talking a bit
about some of the major problems we're

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all dealing with in today's world,
especially those of us here in the United

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States and other industrialized countries. After
the break, we're going to talk about

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the work he does across very different
populations. Stay with us, we'll be

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right back. Lalis Cortes is a
speaker and engagement and development catalyst. She

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designs and delivers professional development, leadership
and engagement workshops and can bring her expertise

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to your organization. She will help
ignite meaningful development within your workforce that will

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increase employee engagement, performance and retention. To learn more or to invite Elise

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to speak to your organization, please
visit her at www dot Elisecortes dot com.

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She would welcome the opportunity to help
get your employees working on purpose.

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This is working on Purpose with Elise
Cortes. To reach our program today,

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send an email to a lease Alise
at a lascortes dot com. Now back

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to working on Purpose. Thanks for
staying with us, and welcome back to

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working on Purpose. If you're just
jourining us, my guest is doctor H.

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Gene Wright. He is a highly
experienced and professionally trained clinical and forensic

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psychologist with over twenty years of experience
in behavioral health and proven success and passionately

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leading people and managing projects and initiatives
in government, in private practice, in

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academia, as an adjunct professor,
in clinical faculty for Temple University, and

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in rehabilitation in correction as a clinical
consultant, facilitator, and trainer. Doctor

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Wright teaches the subtleties of human interaction
to successfully embrace and celebrate the variety of

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personalities in the workforce and community.
I'm your host, Alise Cortes, doctor

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right. Really, it's such amazing
work that you get to bring who you

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are as a very very well trained
profess to do work across a very very

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different population. So that's very compelling. Most of us usually pick a group

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of people to focus on, but
you know, you have a whole variety

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agamut of people here. And when
we first spoke on the phone about you

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coming on the air, you told
me something quite interesting. You told me

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that you describe yourself as a servant
leader and that you find great joy in

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purpose and especially in serving the most
oppressed people with the least resources who need

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the most help. You call them
the invisible people. So first I want

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to know how did you become interested
in this population and why are you called

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to help them the most? Well, it starts with my parents. By

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my father who is now deceased but
serve as a minister and a Protestant of

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religion, and my mother worked at
a Christian college at the time when I

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was a kids, and so they
had particular values that really were really focused

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on the community. And as I
got older and traveled around with them,

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I noticed that my father in particular, was serving many types of different environments

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regardless of his religious affiliation. I
found that he was in communities that did

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not match his religious affiliation. I
thought, well, that's cool, that's

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interesting. And then as I got
older, instead of asking him questions,

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I discovered that he saw himself as
a man amongst the people, or a

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person who had a particular service to
render, and it was to encourage,

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to provide hope. And so I
really patterned a lot of my youth after

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my father. Then as I got
older, I saw opportunities to put into

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practice what he and my mother had
taught me, and so it was a

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natural affiliation, if you will,
simply by growing up watching the adults in

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my life, the heroes in my
life, if you will, serve others.

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And then when I went to college
and had to choose a profession,

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I found myself really looking at service
and ways to help. At first,

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I wanted to be an orthopedic surgeon
because I was an athlete, and you

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know, I wanted to help athletes. And then I went through a couple

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of surgeries where I was observing and
saw that I wasn't really pretty. I

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didn't like blood, so I had
to do something else. You know.

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I almost tasked out a couple of
times, and I did try it.

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I was very good with cadavers,
but I was not good watching human beings

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under the knife. And so I
eventually found my way into graduate school in

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psychology, and it just it just
like I took to it like it was

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like it was nothing. And I
saw that there were people who were ostracized

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and and that were not being treated
well. And I saw that when you

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did not have certain resources, or
go to a certain school, or have

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certain contacts or network abilities, that
you are marginalized. And so that kind

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of gave me an opportunity to kind
of ask, you know, well,

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what is it that I can provide
that not makes people feel better about themselves

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but makes people feel better about serving
others Because I discovered early on that if

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you can't change your immediate situation,
you feel differently about it when you're able

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to help others. And so I
wanted to teach other people how to rise

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above their own situations by helping people. And that's what got me into the

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field as a servant leader. And
how beautiful that you're the example of your

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parents who you wanted to emulate.
It doesn't always go that way, as

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you know, doctor Wright. So
I appreciate that you had the ability to

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appreciate who they were an example they
were giving to you. And the other

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thing I want to call out to
what you just said there is going back

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to how you distinguish the individuals versus
collectivist cultures. When we do serve other

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people, we do transcend from ourselves, and that is a It is a

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way to be able to access well
being, as you know, step away

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from anxiety and depression. And I
love that you are literally a living,

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walking, breathing example of that,
you know, And it's been a blessing

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at least because the more I give
and the more I serve, the more

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I receive. And I know that
sounds kind of cliche and maybe kind of

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corny to some people, but when
you put it into practice, it has

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paid off one hundred fold because you're
not looking for a payoff. You're looking

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for an opportunity to change the life
that's in front of you. And if

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you focus on that, one life
at a time in front of you,

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the blessings you receive and the purpose
that you're able to carve out for yourself

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becomes clearer and clearer and clearer with
each smile on that young face, with

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each thank you that may come down
the road, which each opportunity that the

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individual that you have put forth some
effort to interact with finds a way to

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then pay that forward, you know, And to me, that is the

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ultimate intrinsic value of doing something,
because inside it feels good and that's the

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payoffs, and then the other things
come. Blessings come when you serve others

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well, Doctor, right. A
big reason that I host to show and

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to the work that I do is
that I stand to make a difference in

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one million lives before I drop into
the ground, and I want them to

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be able to get present to their
passion, their inspiration and their purpose and

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live it because I know that the
world is a much better place when they

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do, and there's a ripple effect
that happens when they live that way.

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So that's why I'm doing what I'm
doing. That's a beautiful thing, and

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I applaud you for that because it's
selfless and to me, when we focus

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more on how we can change the
conditions of humanity, then our situations,

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our individual situations piled into comparison with
some of the things that we are confronted

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with and some of the challenges that
we are then called to serve. And

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so when you seek it, you
will find an authorit unity to change those

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lives. But I have no doubt
in my mind you're going to get your

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one million and have plenty of years
after that to enjoy it as well.

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Well. Thank you, Thank you
so much. It's a great, great

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privilege to get to live this kind
of a purpose. And I know you

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know, and along those lines,
I wanted to talk with you about some

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of the different populations that you serve. It's really quite incredible. I do

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not know how you sleep or when
you sleep, but one of the populations

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you serve is in government, and
so it would be interesting if you could

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share just some of the work that
you find most fulfilling as the Directory of

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Behavior of Health and Justice Related Services
at the City of Philadelphia. Can't even

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imagine how big that job must be. It's huge, and I get pleasure

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from it because I get to impact
systems and so in this particular case,

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I am not impacting directly individuals.
And so when I first got into psychology

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and went to graduate school, you
know, I wanted to help people with

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problems, and you had the oh, you know stereotype of you know,

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Stigma and Floyd sitting in a leather
chair talking to somebody on the couch and

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you're helping one person at a time. And you know, I was young,

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I was naive, and I did
that for many, many years.

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But what I found by coming to
the City of Philadelphia, the city of

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brotherly Love and sisterly affection as they
like to call it, is that you

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can help more people by impacting systems
and communities. And so that's what this

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job gives me the opportunity to do. And so what my you know,

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to summarize, my main responsibility is
I oversee the resources for treatment and supports

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for anybody returning back to Philadelphia from
either jail, prison, or psychiatric hospitalization.

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Now that's huge. You know,
we're the fifth largest city in the

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nation, and so you can imagine
that we have a large population that fits

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into the category of having behavior health
challenges. Add into that, we are

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one of the higher poverty have one
of the higher poverty rates for the top

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ten cities, and so you're dealing
with people that qualify for Medicaid, which

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is services that would be for behavior
health challenges as opposed to Medicare, which

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is for physical medicine. And so
it gives me the opportunity to really look

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at what people that are falling into
those categories the target populations need and so

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we take a population health approach,
and what that really means is that we

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do not try to impact one individual
at a time. We try to impact

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communities, which then impacts individuals.
And so we are not a direct care

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organization. We are a managed care
organization that also is affiliated with the government,

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and so we contract services out to
providers who actually provide the direct care

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and so my job is to oversee
the programs and to make sure we have

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creative ways to deliver services efficiently and
effectively to that target population, those with

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mental health challenges and substance use disort
And so that's what that job for the

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government actually affords me to do.
So I hear scale in that, which

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is fantastic. That's the reason I
created my online community to doctor right was

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00:27:55.160 --> 00:27:56.720
I knew that I couldn't make a
difference in a million lives if I was

397
00:27:56.759 --> 00:28:02.279
only doing it program by program or
on occasion one to one coaching. So

398
00:28:02.400 --> 00:28:06.240
I really appreciate that. And then
along those lines, I'd love for you

399
00:28:06.359 --> 00:28:08.440
to share just a little bit about
the work you're doing on criminal and civil

400
00:28:08.559 --> 00:28:11.839
justice issues, especially as it relates
to anything you're doing in the prisons.

401
00:28:12.559 --> 00:28:15.359
Yeah, this is I'm going to
tell you, at least, this is

402
00:28:15.440 --> 00:28:19.079
the work of my heart. This
is what I would do for free and

403
00:28:19.200 --> 00:28:25.720
often do. But this is where
I get an opportunity to go inside the

404
00:28:25.720 --> 00:28:29.640
prisons. And I usually go inside
the prisons that hold the most Philadelphians.

405
00:28:29.680 --> 00:28:33.720
So the two closest prisons to Philadelphia
is where I go. Obviously, people

406
00:28:33.759 --> 00:28:38.160
are spread out all over the state. But those two prisons that I go

407
00:28:38.279 --> 00:28:41.920
to are the ones that hold the
most Philadelphians. And what I do is

408
00:28:41.960 --> 00:28:47.359
I do programs. One is called
Fathers and Children Together, which we contract

409
00:28:47.400 --> 00:28:52.240
with a provider that had vans and
we take children of incarcerated parents up to

410
00:28:52.319 --> 00:28:56.640
the prison to visit their fathers and
sometimes grandfathers, and we have a program

411
00:28:56.640 --> 00:29:00.359
that vets these individuals behind the walls
and make sure that there are no legal

412
00:29:00.440 --> 00:29:03.160
challenges, that there are no issues
with fathers being in contact with their children.

413
00:29:03.359 --> 00:29:08.119
We obviously at the primary caregiver and
make sure that he or she or

414
00:29:08.160 --> 00:29:14.319
the guardian is okay with that.
We do all that stuff before we get

415
00:29:14.359 --> 00:29:17.759
started. We start with about fifty
gentlemen that sign up for the program.

416
00:29:17.839 --> 00:29:21.400
We whittle it down to about fifteen, and then we have about eight weeks

417
00:29:21.440 --> 00:29:26.680
of programming where we do psycho educational
groups behind the walls. We make sure

418
00:29:26.720 --> 00:29:32.519
that the children have icebreakers. We
enlist mural arts, which is very huge

419
00:29:32.519 --> 00:29:36.519
in Philadelphia. We're a city of
murals, and so we have partnerships with

420
00:29:37.240 --> 00:29:41.480
mural arts that come in to the
prisons with us and we teach their fathers

421
00:29:41.920 --> 00:29:45.599
how to love themselves first and then
how to interact with their children. We

422
00:29:45.640 --> 00:29:51.799
teach the children how to love themselves
and how to interact with their father,

423
00:29:51.880 --> 00:29:53.759
and then we take us separate.
We have a separate group where we take

424
00:29:53.799 --> 00:29:56.960
the mothers or primary caregivers. We
don't go with them and they don't go

425
00:29:57.000 --> 00:30:00.200
with us into the prison. We
take them to our restaurant close by the

426
00:30:00.279 --> 00:30:03.720
president, so that the focus for
the father and the child is on each

427
00:30:03.759 --> 00:30:07.759
other. And then we have parallel
psycho educational groups for the mother to support

428
00:30:07.799 --> 00:30:11.880
the mother or primary caregiver, and
then we have graduation at the end of

429
00:30:11.920 --> 00:30:18.759
those eight weeks for all the parents
to be together in the room. The

430
00:30:18.759 --> 00:30:22.519
state of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania supports
us and doing this, they provide space.

431
00:30:23.200 --> 00:30:26.440
And the key thing about this release
is that it is the prisoners,

432
00:30:26.799 --> 00:30:30.960
the inmates, if you will,
the incarcerated individuals who partner with us on

433
00:30:32.000 --> 00:30:36.680
this program, that actually pay for
the dinner that we take the mothers too.

434
00:30:37.559 --> 00:30:40.680
Every week we take the mothers to
dinner, but it's paid for by

435
00:30:40.680 --> 00:30:44.960
those gentlemen earning eighteen cents an hour
doing whatever it is they do behind the

436
00:30:44.960 --> 00:30:48.160
walls. And that's who pays for
the dinner. They have their own fundraisers

437
00:30:48.440 --> 00:30:51.799
to make sure that the mother's dinner
is paid for by them. And the

438
00:30:51.880 --> 00:30:56.000
purpose of this is they say,
we played a part, We played a

439
00:30:56.119 --> 00:31:00.799
role in destroying much of our community. We also want to play a role

440
00:31:02.319 --> 00:31:06.759
and restoring ourcumentity. And so that
program Fathers and Children Together has been going

441
00:31:06.799 --> 00:31:10.359
on about twelve years and then is
an excellent one, and it is one

442
00:31:10.400 --> 00:31:12.559
that we kind of highlight in the
Commonwealth. And so I can tell you

443
00:31:12.599 --> 00:31:17.119
about other programs that be interested.
But that's sort of the beacon of one

444
00:31:17.119 --> 00:31:19.559
of the programs that I like to
do. That's gorgeous work and I can

445
00:31:19.599 --> 00:31:23.480
see how that goes back to how
we restore ourselves in service of others.

446
00:31:23.519 --> 00:31:26.039
That's amazing. I wish we had
more time to hear more. But let's

447
00:31:26.039 --> 00:31:30.359
grab our next break. I'm Alis
Cortez, your host. Even the Earth

448
00:31:30.440 --> 00:31:33.680
Doctor H. Gen Wright, a
transformational, highly experienced and professionally trained clinical

449
00:31:33.720 --> 00:31:38.240
and forensic psychologist with over twenty years
experience and behavioral health. Here's the author

450
00:31:38.240 --> 00:31:42.319
of Fine Strength in Your Struggle Discovering
the Miracle in You. He joiced today

451
00:31:42.319 --> 00:31:47.039
from Philadelphia Pennsylvania. After the break, we're going to talk more about how

452
00:31:47.079 --> 00:31:49.480
we can apply just what it is
doctor Right does and what he knows.

453
00:31:49.599 --> 00:32:00.599
Stay with us, We'll be right
back. Polase Cortes is a speaker and

454
00:32:00.799 --> 00:32:07.720
engagement and development catalyst. She designs
and delivers professional development, leadership and engagement

455
00:32:07.799 --> 00:32:12.599
workshops and can bring her expertise to
your organization. She will help ignite meaningful

456
00:32:12.640 --> 00:32:17.000
development within your workforce that will increase
employee engagement, performance and retention. To

457
00:32:17.119 --> 00:32:22.039
learn more or to invite Elise to
speak to your organization, please visit her

458
00:32:22.079 --> 00:32:27.759
at www dot Elisecortes dot com.
She would welcome the opportunity to help get

459
00:32:27.799 --> 00:32:38.279
your employees working on purpose. This
is working on Purpose with Elise Cortes.

460
00:32:38.680 --> 00:32:45.839
To reach our program today, send
an email to a Lease Aliic at Alisecortes

461
00:32:45.920 --> 00:32:52.759
dot com. Now back to working
on Purpose. Thanks Christine with us,

462
00:32:52.759 --> 00:32:54.599
and welcome back to working only purpose. If you're just tuning in, My

463
00:32:54.599 --> 00:32:59.480
guest is doctor H. Gene Wright, a transformational, highly experienced and professionally

464
00:32:59.480 --> 00:33:04.519
trained and forensic psychologist with over twenty
years of experience and behavioral health as a

465
00:33:04.519 --> 00:33:08.279
clinical consultant, facilitator, and trainer. Doctor Wright teaches subtleties of human interaction

466
00:33:08.400 --> 00:33:13.880
to successfully embrace and celebrate the variety
of personalities in the workforce and community.

467
00:33:14.079 --> 00:33:17.200
I'm your host, Alice Cortes.
So, doctor Wright, before we went

468
00:33:17.240 --> 00:33:21.559
on break, we were talking about
some of your experience. We have time

469
00:33:21.599 --> 00:33:23.720
if we will. We can't talk
about all your experience, but just briefly,

470
00:33:23.759 --> 00:33:29.720
will you talk about your work in
academia at Temple University supervising graduate students

471
00:33:29.720 --> 00:33:34.079
in clinical psychology and what that really
means to you getting to steward the next

472
00:33:34.119 --> 00:33:37.680
generation. Yes, Alise, thank
you for asking that question. I really

473
00:33:37.720 --> 00:33:40.240
love the work. I've been at
Temple for nine years and I'm on the

474
00:33:40.240 --> 00:33:45.480
clinical faculty there and I'm also adjunct
professor, so i teach some undergrade classes

475
00:33:45.519 --> 00:33:50.000
as well and for the graduate students, that gives me an opportunity to teach

476
00:33:50.559 --> 00:33:59.039
multicultural classes from a clinical standpoint how
to best serve diverse populations, and that's

477
00:33:59.079 --> 00:34:01.839
important. We do not have a
lot of diversity in the doctoral program.

478
00:34:02.039 --> 00:34:07.760
Attempt me transparent with you there,
but we have willing and eager students who

479
00:34:07.840 --> 00:34:12.320
recognize that to be effective in the
world, they're going to have to be

480
00:34:12.400 --> 00:34:17.320
able to serve all people but also
be familiar with some of the unique cultures

481
00:34:17.320 --> 00:34:21.559
and organizations that they may be dealing
with as well as individuals. And so

482
00:34:22.079 --> 00:34:27.559
that is something that I, again
I love to do. I supervise probably

483
00:34:28.039 --> 00:34:30.679
for students per semesters. You know, doctoral programs tend to be small,

484
00:34:31.079 --> 00:34:37.440
and so I get an opportunity to
give really face to face individual attention,

485
00:34:37.920 --> 00:34:39.639
both in a group format. I
meet with them in a group once a

486
00:34:39.679 --> 00:34:44.519
week, once a week, and
then I also meet with them individually so

487
00:34:44.519 --> 00:34:47.320
that they get their individual hour by
themselves. And so it is a work

488
00:34:47.360 --> 00:34:51.960
of love. It's something that I
really enjoy doing. Working with young people,

489
00:34:51.960 --> 00:34:55.880
whether undergraduate or graduate population keeps me
young, It keeps me motivated and

490
00:34:57.039 --> 00:35:00.760
energized. And again it speaks to
the purpose that I believe I'm here.

491
00:35:01.440 --> 00:35:04.840
It's so beautiful, doctor right.
And again I wanted to ask you those

492
00:35:04.920 --> 00:35:07.880
questions because I wanted to presence for
our listeners just what it feels like,

493
00:35:07.920 --> 00:35:10.400
what it looks like, it sounds
like when you do get to live your

494
00:35:10.440 --> 00:35:15.000
purpose and you really get to make
the difference in the world that's worthy of

495
00:35:15.039 --> 00:35:17.400
your one precious life. And I
knew that you would bring that to life

496
00:35:17.480 --> 00:35:22.000
just as you did. So thank
you for that gorgeous So I want to

497
00:35:22.000 --> 00:35:23.480
go on now if we can,
Doctor Wright, just because it's so important

498
00:35:23.519 --> 00:35:27.559
to me that our listeners walk away
with something they could just put to use

499
00:35:27.599 --> 00:35:30.840
and chew on and just make it
part of their lives. So I want

500
00:35:30.840 --> 00:35:34.880
to talk about being able to apply
some of the concepts that you know from

501
00:35:34.920 --> 00:35:37.679
your work. And one of the
things that I found so interesting that I

502
00:35:37.719 --> 00:35:40.239
know our listeners can really relate to, is you write in your book that

503
00:35:40.280 --> 00:35:44.880
we can all fall prey to becoming
so discouraged by our struggles that we just

504
00:35:45.119 --> 00:35:49.119
lay down and believe there is no
hope. So what can you share with

505
00:35:49.199 --> 00:35:52.360
our listeners to give them more insight
and hope on this topic. Yeah,

506
00:35:52.400 --> 00:35:57.199
that's an excellent question, and it's
one that I've pondered myself over the years,

507
00:35:57.239 --> 00:36:00.480
which really was a motivation for me
to write the book, because I'd

508
00:36:00.519 --> 00:36:04.199
certainly experienced many of the things that
I write about. And what I would

509
00:36:04.239 --> 00:36:07.400
say is sometimes when you're in the
midst of your struggle, you have blinders

510
00:36:07.440 --> 00:36:12.480
on if you will, and so
if the listeners and you can put your

511
00:36:12.519 --> 00:36:15.719
hands up by your eyes like you
would if you were and had blinders on

512
00:36:15.760 --> 00:36:20.000
your eyes. And that's how it
feels when we are in the midst of

513
00:36:20.039 --> 00:36:22.079
a struggle and all we can see
is the problem straight in front of us.

514
00:36:22.519 --> 00:36:27.000
And so I tell people, you
are maybe difficult to pull your hands

515
00:36:27.039 --> 00:36:30.639
down so you can get peripheral visions, so you can see everything around you,

516
00:36:30.679 --> 00:36:32.519
that there are other possibilities, there
are other choices, there are other

517
00:36:32.559 --> 00:36:36.880
things going on. And so what
I teach my students, if you can't

518
00:36:37.199 --> 00:36:40.159
pull your hands down from around your
eyes, if you simply back up,

519
00:36:40.719 --> 00:36:45.599
you get more vision if you back
up. And so metaphorically speaking, if

520
00:36:45.599 --> 00:36:50.519
we can back up away from the
problem, that we're not so close to

521
00:36:50.559 --> 00:36:52.480
it that we're not living and breathing
it. Every day, looking at the

522
00:36:52.519 --> 00:36:55.719
problem, going to sleep with the
problem, waking up with the problem,

523
00:36:55.760 --> 00:37:02.239
worrying and perseverating of the problem,
we end up finding ourselves so close that

524
00:37:02.280 --> 00:37:05.880
we can't see the options. We
can't see the hope, we can't see

525
00:37:05.880 --> 00:37:08.639
the strength. And so by simply
backing up, if you will, your

526
00:37:08.760 --> 00:37:15.159
vision broadens and you're able to see
that Wait a minute, I've been through

527
00:37:15.199 --> 00:37:20.239
some difficulties before and I survived to
the day. Okay, what did I

528
00:37:20.360 --> 00:37:24.000
do before? Okay? I have
the strength to get through this now.

529
00:37:24.280 --> 00:37:28.679
And so when we're in the middle
of it, we often forget about the

530
00:37:28.719 --> 00:37:31.079
successes that we've had in the past. And I'm not one to dwell on

531
00:37:31.159 --> 00:37:36.280
the past, but I think the
past has some very important information. One

532
00:37:36.480 --> 00:37:40.519
we can learn from mistakes, and
two we can remind ourselves of success.

533
00:37:40.800 --> 00:37:45.639
And to me, that is what
you can do in the moment when you

534
00:37:45.679 --> 00:37:47.840
feel like you're just getting beat up
by life. You can remember the fact

535
00:37:47.880 --> 00:37:52.440
that you didn't make it to the
day without having some triumphs, without having

536
00:37:52.440 --> 00:37:55.360
some victories, and you certainly didn't
get to the day by giving up,

537
00:37:55.599 --> 00:38:04.119
And so reminding yourself of that and
speaking faith and strength into your life and

538
00:38:04.199 --> 00:38:07.039
get you through those moments when you're
focused too much on the problem instead of

539
00:38:07.599 --> 00:38:12.960
focusing on the fact that you've been
here before and you survive and now you

540
00:38:13.000 --> 00:38:16.360
can thrive. That is very actionable. Thank you, That is just what

541
00:38:16.440 --> 00:38:20.559
I wanted for our listeners. Thank
you for that. And then next along

542
00:38:20.599 --> 00:38:23.760
those lines, you talk about how
doubt crushes faith, and I find this

543
00:38:23.920 --> 00:38:27.920
also true when we are pursuing our
purpose and trying to live it fully.

544
00:38:28.480 --> 00:38:30.280
So can you share your perspective on
this. What can we do to stay

545
00:38:30.320 --> 00:38:34.719
on track when we feel that doubt. Yes, once again, it's kind

546
00:38:34.760 --> 00:38:39.000
of related to what I just stated
in terms of the focus. Doubt really

547
00:38:39.039 --> 00:38:44.199
comes from us replaying over and over
and over again in our mind our failures.

548
00:38:44.800 --> 00:38:47.159
And so by replaying the failures over
in our mind, we start to

549
00:38:47.199 --> 00:38:52.280
convince ourselves that we can't do it
whatever it is we Okay, well,

550
00:38:52.400 --> 00:38:53.760
you know, I haven't had any
success, right, so everything I've tried

551
00:38:53.800 --> 00:38:59.679
recently has failed, and so I
don't have confidence. I've lost confidence in

552
00:38:59.719 --> 00:39:02.800
my ability to do what I want
to do. And so that's the first

553
00:39:02.840 --> 00:39:07.559
thing that doubt does. And so
when doubt gets you thinking that you no

554
00:39:07.599 --> 00:39:10.920
longer have abilities or that you never
had abilities, then it's hard to have

555
00:39:10.960 --> 00:39:17.559
faith because faith cannot coexist with fear
and doubt. That's why you have to

556
00:39:17.599 --> 00:39:22.599
remove fear and doubt to exercise faith. Now, sometimes you have to exercise

557
00:39:22.639 --> 00:39:28.000
faith while you're still afraid, you
know, and so you have to move

558
00:39:28.360 --> 00:39:31.639
toward the goal. And so you
don't think that you're qualified for the job,

559
00:39:31.719 --> 00:39:36.079
but you will never know if you
don't put forth the application, and

560
00:39:36.119 --> 00:39:38.159
so that's the faith. I'm going
to put the application in, even though

561
00:39:38.519 --> 00:39:42.519
I don't think I'm going to get
it. Okay, put the application in.

562
00:39:43.039 --> 00:39:45.599
Okay, I'm not sure I'm going
to get into to the program that

563
00:39:45.639 --> 00:39:50.599
I want at the university. Okay, that's your fear, that's your doubt.

564
00:39:51.320 --> 00:39:53.920
Fill out the application. You have
to do the very basic, minimal

565
00:39:54.119 --> 00:40:00.760
thing that exercises just a smidgeon of
faith to start away at the doubt.

566
00:40:01.039 --> 00:40:06.119
And so when we are able to
do that, then we have now a

567
00:40:06.239 --> 00:40:10.320
coexistence that's not proper. You cannot
doubt and have faith at the same time.

568
00:40:10.360 --> 00:40:15.760
And so practicing those small little steps
of faith eventually chips away at the

569
00:40:15.800 --> 00:40:20.000
doubt, and eventually doubt will have
to leave because doubt cannot coexist with faith.

570
00:40:21.159 --> 00:40:22.559
I find that so encouraging. Listeners. I hope you do too.

571
00:40:22.599 --> 00:40:25.400
That's why I ask him that question, because we all need this stuff.

572
00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:30.039
And the next doctor Wright, oh
my gosh, listeners, for some of

573
00:40:30.039 --> 00:40:31.039
you, this might be a real
wake up call. So I'm going to

574
00:40:31.119 --> 00:40:34.760
read this passage that you put in
your book here, and then I want

575
00:40:34.760 --> 00:40:37.480
you to talk about it, if
you will. I found this so profound,

576
00:40:37.559 --> 00:40:39.719
doctor Wright. You say, quote, those who find themselves at the

577
00:40:39.760 --> 00:40:44.519
lowest point in their lives are usually
shocked and haltingly surprised that it came to

578
00:40:44.559 --> 00:40:47.440
this. You do not arrive at
a point of helplessness purely by accident,

579
00:40:47.719 --> 00:40:52.920
and not usually overnight. More likely
a succession of circumstances accumulated over time,

580
00:40:53.320 --> 00:40:58.360
red flags when unnoticed in sirens of
warning when unheeded, or were not taken

581
00:40:58.400 --> 00:41:01.519
seriously. End quote. So I
want to talk with our listeners about how

582
00:41:01.559 --> 00:41:06.400
you suggest we get more present and
more attentive to these signs so we can

583
00:41:06.400 --> 00:41:10.199
more quickly respond to the deteriorating situation
and get back on track more quickly.

584
00:41:10.280 --> 00:41:15.920
That would be incredibly useful instead of
years and years of decline. Yes,

585
00:41:15.199 --> 00:41:20.800
and I think again, these topics
are related. And so what usually has

586
00:41:20.880 --> 00:41:24.920
most people finding themselves at a place
that they would not have predicted is that

587
00:41:24.960 --> 00:41:30.119
they first lose sight of who they
are, and so slowly, over time

588
00:41:30.679 --> 00:41:37.519
people start compromising their values. You
compromise your wants, your preferences. Sometimes

589
00:41:37.519 --> 00:41:40.920
that happens in a relationship. Sometimes
it happens because you're trying to please others.

590
00:41:42.320 --> 00:41:45.639
Sometimes it happens because maybe you had
a failure here or something happened,

591
00:41:45.679 --> 00:41:50.159
and dow creep in and now you
can't shake it because now you don't believe

592
00:41:50.199 --> 00:41:52.960
you have abilities, and it just
goes on and on and on. But

593
00:41:52.039 --> 00:41:57.679
it really starts with ignoring that still
small voice that gut in you, that

594
00:41:57.760 --> 00:42:02.159
says I can do better, can
be better. This doesn't feel right for

595
00:42:02.360 --> 00:42:07.079
me. I may not know what's
best, but I know this isn't what's

596
00:42:07.119 --> 00:42:10.280
best. This doesn't feel right,
and so we ignore, and we ignore,

597
00:42:10.480 --> 00:42:14.480
and we start to push down,
if you will, we start to

598
00:42:14.559 --> 00:42:20.119
push down our feelings inside and ignoring
that voice in us that says, you

599
00:42:20.159 --> 00:42:22.280
don't like this, This is not
how you want to live. This does

600
00:42:22.320 --> 00:42:24.760
not want you, This is not
what you want in your life, and

601
00:42:24.800 --> 00:42:29.000
we ignore it and we know it, and we make excuses either for the

602
00:42:29.039 --> 00:42:32.920
people that we are allowing to harm
us, or allowing to take away our

603
00:42:34.039 --> 00:42:39.280
joy, or allowing to minimize our
desires, or we're telling ourselves about our

604
00:42:39.320 --> 00:42:45.280
own value, and we're depleting our
own energy by not adhering to the voice

605
00:42:45.320 --> 00:42:49.360
that we hear inside saying you can
do better. You want more, you

606
00:42:49.400 --> 00:42:52.039
can have more. And that's when
we really start to just throw our hands

607
00:42:52.079 --> 00:42:55.039
up and say, well, you
know what, I haven't demonstrated anything so

608
00:42:55.119 --> 00:42:59.440
far. I've been in this relationship
too long. I've been at this job

609
00:42:59.480 --> 00:43:01.000
so long as as a matter,
I have to pay my bill, and

610
00:43:01.039 --> 00:43:06.119
we go excuse after excuse after excuse, which may be a legitimate thing.

611
00:43:06.840 --> 00:43:09.400
Just because it's an excuse doesn't mean
it's not legitimate. But when I use

612
00:43:09.480 --> 00:43:14.440
the word excuse, I'm simply saying, we are telling ourselves reasons to stay

613
00:43:14.480 --> 00:43:19.480
in the misery. We are giving
ourselves reasons to not try a different route.

614
00:43:19.719 --> 00:43:22.480
And so to me, that's what
I mean when I say we wake

615
00:43:22.559 --> 00:43:27.039
up one day surprise that it came
to all this, because nobody saw it

616
00:43:27.079 --> 00:43:30.280
coming, because we ignore the warning
signs which come from us, not outside

617
00:43:30.280 --> 00:43:36.440
of ourselves. The warning signs come
from internal connection with yourself, knowing who

618
00:43:36.440 --> 00:43:38.719
you are, knowing what your preferences
are, knowing what you like, knowing

619
00:43:38.719 --> 00:43:43.039
what you love about yourself and about
your life. And so the key is

620
00:43:43.360 --> 00:43:45.320
if you do not have that self
love, if you do not have that

621
00:43:45.440 --> 00:43:51.599
self presence, that introspective ability to
look in the mirror and say I like

622
00:43:51.639 --> 00:43:55.000
what I see or I see where
I can improve. That's when you wake

623
00:43:55.079 --> 00:43:59.239
up. And I use the word
wake up as if it happened overnight,

624
00:43:59.280 --> 00:44:01.760
But that's why there that it doesn't. It is over time. Just like

625
00:44:01.800 --> 00:44:07.320
that cumutive effect of the wrecking ball, it is the cuminative effect of ignoring

626
00:44:07.719 --> 00:44:10.119
your inner voice. It gets you
to the place of losing your purpose,

627
00:44:10.519 --> 00:44:15.719
losing your focus, and losing your
ability to say I can get out of

628
00:44:15.760 --> 00:44:19.760
this. That gives us so much
access to right, doctor, right,

629
00:44:19.800 --> 00:44:22.800
Thank you so much for that.
Now, coming toward the end of the

630
00:44:22.800 --> 00:44:24.719
show here, I want to take
us back to again a key message in

631
00:44:24.719 --> 00:44:27.639
your book which we talked about at
the beginning of the show, but I

632
00:44:27.639 --> 00:44:30.159
want to bring it back home for
our listeners. But many of us on

633
00:44:30.639 --> 00:44:34.320
the show, including myself, have
been fired from a job and or gotten

634
00:44:34.320 --> 00:44:37.239
divorced that too at some point in
our lives. And it's exceedingly hard to

635
00:44:37.280 --> 00:44:40.320
cope and respond at times with stuff
like this. And you talk with us

636
00:44:40.320 --> 00:44:44.280
in your book about how we can
find joy in our cross to bear,

637
00:44:44.559 --> 00:44:49.599
and now confronting it makes us stronger. Yes, it's a challenge, and

638
00:44:50.000 --> 00:44:52.480
as I wrote that, and as
I read it now, I say to

639
00:44:52.519 --> 00:44:54.960
myself, Wow, I remember why
I wrote that, and I remember when

640
00:44:55.000 --> 00:44:58.800
I wrote that, and it's still
hard, even for me at least,

641
00:44:58.840 --> 00:45:02.719
it's hard because when life beats us
south and when things go a ri or

642
00:45:02.840 --> 00:45:08.320
we feel like we've got an unfair
deal here, it's easy to point outside

643
00:45:08.320 --> 00:45:12.920
of ourselves and say, Wow,
it's luck, it's powerful others, it's

644
00:45:12.960 --> 00:45:16.000
fate. And I don't believe any
of that. I believe that we truly

645
00:45:16.079 --> 00:45:21.599
do have the internal power to change
our lives. And that's what finding purpose

646
00:45:21.719 --> 00:45:24.599
does. When you realize why you're
on this earth, then it doesn't matter

647
00:45:24.639 --> 00:45:29.480
if your salary is in the top
five percent or in the lower five percent,

648
00:45:29.519 --> 00:45:31.320
because you know you're doing what you
are put on this earth to do.

649
00:45:31.719 --> 00:45:36.159
And so when we have those challenges
that you mentioned, and I use

650
00:45:36.199 --> 00:45:38.719
those as saying, we're all in
recovery from something most people think with recovery

651
00:45:38.719 --> 00:45:43.519
has mental illness or substance use disorder. No, you mentioned the things that

652
00:45:43.559 --> 00:45:46.280
most people are in recovery from.
Divorce, empty mass, kids go off

653
00:45:46.320 --> 00:45:51.440
to college. What do I do
now? It's all relationship really building if

654
00:45:51.440 --> 00:45:52.800
you look at it lost. If
we could sum up in one word,

655
00:45:53.280 --> 00:45:58.480
it would be lost. We experience
laws as human beings, we experience loss,

656
00:45:58.480 --> 00:46:01.840
whether it's other people, jobs,
And that's why I say stresses people,

657
00:46:01.880 --> 00:46:07.599
places, and things. And so
once we understand that avoiding the stress

658
00:46:07.679 --> 00:46:13.039
or trying to avoid dealing with the
loss, all that does is perpetuated.

659
00:46:13.079 --> 00:46:15.599
It's like telling somebody, do not
look at that pink spot on the wall,

660
00:46:16.599 --> 00:46:21.639
or what do you do now?
You can no longer stop looking at

661
00:46:21.639 --> 00:46:24.800
the spot on the wall. Right, And so by telling ourselves do not

662
00:46:25.599 --> 00:46:30.800
worry about this, or I didn't
need her anyway, or you know he

663
00:46:30.880 --> 00:46:34.519
wasn't good for me anyway, I'm
going to No, that's not what I'm

664
00:46:34.559 --> 00:46:37.960
talking about. I'm talking about embracing
the fact that, hey, I feel

665
00:46:37.000 --> 00:46:43.559
lousy about what just happened. I
am not feeling good about this loss.

666
00:46:43.840 --> 00:46:47.960
Being honest and transparent with yourself gives
you the ability to see yourself as you

667
00:46:49.039 --> 00:46:52.679
are so that you can now make
the changes that need to happen to get

668
00:46:52.719 --> 00:46:54.519
you back to your purpose. No, you're not dwelling in it, You're

669
00:46:54.519 --> 00:46:59.159
not wallowing in self pity. What
you're doing, though, is saying I'm

670
00:46:59.199 --> 00:47:02.480
acknowledging that I I'm hurt. I'm
acknowledging that this doesn't feel good. I'm

671
00:47:02.519 --> 00:47:07.159
acknowledging that sometimes I feel weak.
Sometimes I feel like I don't have the

672
00:47:07.199 --> 00:47:10.960
ability or the strength. All of
those are natural as human qualities, but

673
00:47:12.000 --> 00:47:15.639
at least we can't stay there.
It's okay to be honest enough to say

674
00:47:15.800 --> 00:47:20.320
that's where I feel or that's where
I am today, but I can't stay

675
00:47:20.360 --> 00:47:22.360
there. And that's how you can
find the strength and your self things.

676
00:47:22.360 --> 00:47:27.119
That's how you can find the joy
in your cross by recognizing all the things

677
00:47:27.119 --> 00:47:30.559
that we've said during this hour,
and that is I do have the ability.

678
00:47:30.760 --> 00:47:32.800
I have to remind myself, and
it's not that far down, it's

679
00:47:32.880 --> 00:47:37.400
right there. I have to remember
the victories and the triumphs that I've had

680
00:47:37.400 --> 00:47:43.079
before in difficult situations. I have
to remind myself that I've been in good

681
00:47:43.119 --> 00:47:46.559
relationships as well. I have to
remind myself that I was in jobs or

682
00:47:46.559 --> 00:47:51.000
I was considered excellent as well,
and so all of the things that I

683
00:47:51.039 --> 00:47:57.039
may be building up as negative against
myself, I often have parallel examples of

684
00:47:57.119 --> 00:48:02.039
successes of triumphs of strength that also
call upon and so it becomes selective memory.

685
00:48:02.360 --> 00:48:06.239
Okay, got it, doctor right. Thank you. I've got to

686
00:48:06.239 --> 00:48:07.519
stop you really quickly because we've we've
got to close and I want to make

687
00:48:07.519 --> 00:48:09.800
sure the how to find you.
So that is a beautiful way to finish.

688
00:48:09.800 --> 00:48:13.440
Thank you so much for that,
and thank you for joining us,

689
00:48:13.440 --> 00:48:16.599
doctor Wright and sharing your heart,
your soul airpurmose with us, beautiful listeners.

690
00:48:16.639 --> 00:48:20.000
If you want to learn more about
doctor Wright, his book or the

691
00:48:20.039 --> 00:48:23.119
work he is doing, visit him
at his website. It's doctor Hgen Doctor

692
00:48:23.360 --> 00:48:28.320
doctor Hgen dot com. Let me
spell that for you d R h J

693
00:48:28.639 --> 00:48:32.599
E A n dot com or dropping
him in the email to the Right Method

694
00:48:32.679 --> 00:48:37.840
twenty twenty at gmail dot com.
So that's the w R I g h

695
00:48:38.000 --> 00:48:43.639
T Method twenty twenty at gmail dot
com. Last week, did you missed

696
00:48:43.639 --> 00:48:45.519
the show live? You can always
catch it. We recorded podcast We Are

697
00:48:45.559 --> 00:48:49.960
on the Air with Carl Munger of
the Gallant Few, which is an organization

698
00:48:50.039 --> 00:48:53.199
that helps veterans transition from military to
civilian life with hope and purpose. We

699
00:48:53.280 --> 00:48:58.559
talked about what veterans experience trying to
make this transition alone and how daunting it

700
00:48:58.599 --> 00:49:01.199
is. Some of the work carls
areization is doing to make that transition smooth,

701
00:49:01.400 --> 00:49:05.159
connecting, and productive. Next week, we'll be on the air with

702
00:49:05.199 --> 00:49:08.840
doctor James Pogue talking about unconscious bias. You'll be surprised to learn just how

703
00:49:08.840 --> 00:49:12.960
pernicious it is, likely even in
your own life. See you there.

704
00:49:13.039 --> 00:49:15.719
Remember that work is at least one
third of our life, so let's work

705
00:49:15.760 --> 00:49:22.000
on purpose. We hope you've enjoyed
this week's program. Be sure to tune

706
00:49:22.039 --> 00:49:27.920
in to Working on Purpose, featuring
your host Alas Cortes, each week on

707
00:49:28.000 --> 00:49:32.800
the Voice America Empowerment Channel. This
week, find your life's purpose at work.