Feeling Lonely and Without Purpose? Increase Relational Energy

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What's working on purpose anyway? Each
week we ponder the answer to this question.

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People ache for meaning and purpose at
work, to contribute their talents passionately

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and know their lives really matter.
They crave being part of an organization that

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inspires them and helps them grow into
realizing their highest potential. Business can be

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such a force for good in the
world, elevating humanity. In our program,

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we provide guidance and inspiration to help
usher in this world we all want

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Working on purpose. Now Here is
your host, doctor Elise Cortes. Hi

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there, welcome back to the Working
on a Purpose Program. Thanks for tuning

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again this week. I'm your host, doctor Earleise Cortez. Join you live

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from Dallas, which is home base
for me. If you don't know me

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yet, I'm a management consultant specializing
in meaning and purpose, organizational local therapist,

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inspirational speaker, social scientist, and
author. I help companies discover and

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articulate their purpose and threaded through culture
and operations. I work with organizations to

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develop inspirational leaders who career cultures where
people actually want to come to work and

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do their best. And I provide
programs like the Grab Your Gusto that enable

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individual team members to discover and unleash
their passion and purpose at work to catalyze

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fulfillment, engagement, and productivity.
You can learn more about me and how

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we can work together at at Leastcortes
dot com orgustodashnow dot com. With us

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today is Uni Turatini, who is
an author, speaker, and facilitator on

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a mission to restore trust in leadership
and cultivated culture of connection. She's the

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author of Betraying the Noble, the
secrets and corruption behind the Nobel Peace Prize,

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and also The Mystery of the Lone
Wolf Killer, which examines Norwegian mass

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murderer Anders bearing Brevik both from a
psychological and sociological perspective and focuses on what

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we can learn from that tragedy to
prevent rampage killings for by Loneliness. She

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joins it today from Oslo, Norway, where it's eleven pm at night over

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there. BONI welcome to working on
Purpose. Thank you so much, Elise

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for having me. Beyond thrill to
have you and just to be connected with

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you and the work that you're doing
in the world. And really also let's

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also celebrate that you were still with
us yes, I have just come back

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from the COVID trip and you and
your family, So we had you scheduled

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on the show a couple of weeks
ago, and you reached out the day

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before and said, oh ale,
I'm so sorry, I have COVID and

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I don't know if I if I'm
going to be strong enough to do the

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show. And so how did it
go? Did how'd you navigate it?

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You know, it was no fun, I'll be honest, but we all

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pulled through, thank goodness. I
mean, I'm so I'm so incrowded,

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incredibly grateful that we are a family. We're all in good health, and

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the kids got it very lightly thankfully, and my husband and I we got

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it to and we were in bed. You know, it was a week.

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It was a it was a rough
week, but thankfully we're strong,

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we're good health, and we could
pulled through quite easily. I have to

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say. So, yeah, well, very very glad to have you back

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in good stead and certainly sharing your
important message with you today, which I

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think in many ways, this notion
of here you are coming up COVID and

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we're going to talk about loneliness today
and relational connection, I think it's kind

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of an interesting thing to start to
queue up on. So you and I

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met a few months ago and started
talking about what you were addressed in what

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you're addressing in the world, which
I thought was hugely important. So I

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want to start by talking about the
problem that you talk about of isolation and

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loneliness in the world. You say
that more than sixty percent of American adults

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report feeling isolated, with Europe following
a similar trend. So what's going on

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besides that, of course the pandemic, which has got to be part of

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it. Is what's going on?
And how can that be when we seem

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to have so many channels to communicate
and connect. Oh, you're so right.

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I mean, we do have so
many channels. I mean, we've

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never been more connected right through technology
and social media than we are today.

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Yet we have never been and lonelier
as a society. And as you said,

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more than sixty percent of American adults
struggle with loneliness today. That's coming

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out of the pandemic. Before the
pandemic, already there were experts talking about

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loneliness as an epidemic, you know, epidemic proportions, and you know,

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the US was around forty percent back
then, so really now it's really and

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that's because of of course, because
of COVID social restrictions, we haven't been

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able to see our family, travel, visit, be together in the way

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that we used to be, right, So it's definitely a lot of that

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now in Europe, we see that
the UK beginning of twenty eighteen already they

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appointed the government appointed a Loneliness Minister
to try to deal there. So this

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is something that is huge and politicians
governments are starting now around the world to

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take seriously. Okay, so now
let's talk about some consequences. This isolation.

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What happens when we feel this loneliness
and we feel isolated. So that's

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that's really why it's so important to
have these conversations. Elisa and I thank

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you for bringing it up, because
lowliness has some serious consequences. So first

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of all, it is a direct
danger to our health, right, so

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even you know, our physical health. So it's research shows that loneliness is

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more dangerous than obesity and or smoking
fifteen cigarettes per day, right. And

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we also new research just out also
shows there's a link between loneliness and depression

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and getting severe COVID so that is
something that is extremely important right now to

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take into consideration and start dealing with
that because people who are people who are

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lonely are dealing with a lot of
stress and a lot of anxiety and depression,

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right, because it leads to that. So when we are in a

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state of hyper vigilance, that's also
when we get weaker. You know,

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we are we we we can can, we can, we can attract,

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we can we can get sick by
all sorts of things, right, but

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especially a virus, because we are
in a weaker state. So it's very

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important to talk about the mental you
know, the danger to our physical and

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mental health and and address those issues
right. And also, loneliness has financial

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consequences. In the UK, the
authorities have estimated that loneliness is costing employers

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more than three point five billion US
dollars every year because of people on sickly.

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So there's there are big societal costs
as well. And also in in

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you know, in terms of of
of health you know, health costs and

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and uh and you know, especially
you know here in Europe where we have

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you know, where are our medical
bills are paid for by our taxes or

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or by the state. Right,
So, so that's it has a huge

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consequence on the whole system and a
burden on the system. So and and

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as I write about in my first
book, The Mystery of the Lone Wolf

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Killer, which as I was just
going to get to that next, that's

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fascinating, right, Absolutely, viliness
can make us dangerous, not you know,

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not just toward other people like I
write about in my book, but

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also to ward ourselves. Because the
one is the condition associated with suicide.

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And and although not all lonely people
have thoughts about committing suicide, it's safe

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to say that all suicidal people are
lonely. I can see that. So

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as you were speaking about this,
and you know what's going through my mind.

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My god, this woman takes on
small issues, you know, way

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to just you know, take on
goliath woman. This is amazing, you

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know. And so let's now go
further unto the hood here. One of

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the things that was so compelling to
me when we first got together and spoke

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about you coming on air and you
shared about what you've been up to.

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You talk about how you were compelled
by the twenty eleven mass killing in your

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own backyard there in Oslo, and
you made some startling discoveries about your own

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background personally and experiences which were very
similar, eerily smilar to those of the

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killer. Say more about that.
Absolutely, that was, I mean,

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I was. We have this most
horrific to those who don't remember, in

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twenty eleven, on July twenty second, this young man, Ander Spribek,

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blew up the government center and Oslo. He built a car bomb just like

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the one Timothy McVay used in Oklahoma
City, right, And and then he

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got away. He managed to get
away from from from that scene, and

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then he drove to about forty five
minutes outside of Oslo, to this island

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where there was a summer summer camp
for teenagers, and he started shooting.

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And he killed seventy seven people that
day, most of them teenagers and kids,

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you know. The youngest I think
was eleven years old. So this

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was of course such a shock such
you know, it was so horrific,

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and and to us in Norway,
this was our nine to eleven, right.

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And I was living in Switzerland at
the time, and I remember trying

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to call home, trying to call
my parents, I was trying to call

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my friends. You know, I'm
a lawyer by training, so so a

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lot of my friends were working in
the government center right in the just department

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there, and I was trying to
call them and I couldn't get through,

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and so so on. A As
a Norwegian, of course, I was

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very touched by this. But but
what I discovered when I was I was

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following the news and I was and
I was starting to do some digging on

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my own, was that the reason
why I was so perhaps beyond normal normally

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touched by this because I developed sort
of in a way, an obsession and

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a fascination by this type of killer, this sort of lone wolf, all

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alone, very intelligent, a thorough
planner, And why would someone like that,

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who's never done anything criminal in his
life prior to this act, why

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would someone go to this extreme?
Like? How can that happen? Someone

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who who who came from a good
family, who educated intelligent, who grew

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up close to to to my home, went to the same schools that you

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know. That really intrigued me.
And what I found was that this young

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man, he felt like an outsider
growing up. He never felt that he

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was part of the group. He
never felt really accepted, and never he

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never had that sense of belonging growing
up, and this followed him, and

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I could recognize myself in that I
had struggled with my own sense of lack

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of belonging and loneliness for so many
years as well, and up until,

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you know, up until well the
most recent years, I've struggled with that.

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And that's and that really so I
could empathize with what all of these

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killers, because then I started studying
similar killers around the world, and all

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of them, all of them struggled
with belonging and loneliness, feeling that they

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were part of something right part,
and they never made it. They never

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could become part of a group.
And now so all of these killers then

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have also a lot of attachment issues
from early childhood and I don't necessarily have

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those, so I have been able
to connect with people as an adult.

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But these killers they can't. So
that's why they in the end, they

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suffer so much. They go to
this extreme. Now, thankfully, is

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it is rare that someone will go
to this extreme, but we see it

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increasingly and even now coming out of
the pandemic, right there's been a dramatic

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increase in mass shootings, for example
the United States and violence. So and

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that is that is a side effect
of this social isolation that we all have

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been under for for for almost two
years now. And you know, we're

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people. We are hardwired to connect
and to be together in community. And

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when we are outside, when we
even even if we have people around us,

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but we feel like we are not
part of we we suffer. We

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suffer, and it causes a lot
of stress and depression and anxiety. Mm

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hm, oh, my gosh.
I can completely say on how you got

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so riveted all in all that,
especially if you felt like some some strong

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commonalities there. So with the book
that you wrote, the Mystery of the

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Lone Wolf Killer, what do you
hope that readers will get from that?

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So my my goal with the book
was really too because what what happened was

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I was following the news, I
was reading, I was doing my own

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research, and I couldn't find in
the news during the trial of Andrascribc,

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I couldn't find the answers that I
was looking for. I felt that they

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weren't digging deep enough. They were
blaming it on extremism and his political views,

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whereas what I found was that it
really is irrelevant. They always attached

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to extremism and some form like almost
like an angry fundamentalism, if you will,

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But it really could be anything.
It doesn't really matter what the cause

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is as long as they can attach
to it and use it to kill in

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the name of the cause. But
it doesn't really matter what the cause is.

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So to me, the cause is
irrelevant. It's really what's behind.

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Why are they attaching to this,
Why are they driven to word extremism and

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fundamentalism in this way? That's right, And so what I did so I

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wrote about that. I wrote also
about our cultures today and why why so

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many people struggle with loneliness. And
then I also try to to real reveal

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what the warning signs are, what
are the warning signs of a lone wolf

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killer in the making, so that
hopefully, hopefully we can spot him and

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then prevent it from happening way before, like way before, like years before,

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even when you know, like to
back to when there are in they

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are in school. And that has
a lot to do with inclusivity and and

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and and bullying and how we treat
the same thing and making people feel seen,

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heard and valued. That's all we
want, really, all of us,

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right right right? Oh my gosh, what a beautiful way to take

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us into our first freak guoney,
thank you. We've been on the air

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with Uni Turatini, who is the
author, speaker and speaker of facilitator on

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our mission to restore trust in leadership
and cultivate a culture of connection. I'm

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your host, doctor Relise Cortes.
We've been talking about the problem of holiness.

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After the break, we're going to
talk about her solution, which is

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to increase relational energy. Stay with
us, We'll be right back. Doctor

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Elise Cortes is a management consultant specializing
in meaning and purpose and inspirational speaker and

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author. She helps companies visioneer for
greater purpose among stakeholders and develop purpose inspired

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leadership and meaning infused cultures that elevate
fulfillment, performance, and commitment within the

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workforce. To learn more or to
invite Elise to speak to your organization,

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please visit her at elisecortes dot com. Let's talk about how to get your

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employees working on purpose? Is working
on purpose with doctor Elise Cortes. To

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reach our program today or open a
conversation with Alise, send an email to

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a lease Alise at elisecortes dot com. Now back to Working on Purpose.

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Thanks for staying with us and welcome
back to Working on Purpose. Before we

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get back to the program, I
want to invite you to check out my

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book Purpose Ignited, how as Firing
Leaders Ignite Passion and on that cause,

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s on Amazon. I wrote it
to awaken readers to their passion and purpose

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and help transform them into inspirational leaders
who enlighten the workplace and elevate the contribution

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business to all at stakeholders. I
use this content as a basis for my

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Bidally Inspirted Leadership program and the Grab
Your Gusto programs. If you're just joining

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the program today. My guest is
Unito Ratini, who is an author,

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speaker and facilitator on a mission to
restore a trust in leadership and cultivate a

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culture of connection. She's the author
of Betraying the Noble, The Secrets of

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Corruption behind the Nobel Peace Prize and
the Mystery of a Lone World Killer.

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I'm your host, Doctor Release Cortes. We talked about the problems before this

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segment. Here to dive into your
solution, which is increasing relational energy,

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which is so beautiful and novel and
different. I just had to have you

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on for that reason. So your
journey has taught you that, as you

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say that, these problems of isolation
and loneliness can be largely addressed by increasing

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this relational energy. And so first
tell us more about what you mean by

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relational energy. What does that mean? Oh, yeah, that's that's you

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know. I love talking about relational
energy. I can talk all day about

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it. So I I have what
I call the four pillars of connection that

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are all needed for us to feel
fulfilled, to feel connected, right,

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And relationships is one of these pillars, and that's where the relational energy comes

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in. And so relationships are really
the foundation for communication and also for conflict

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for a solution, right, And
we see that. But what we see

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in the world on all levels is
that you know, organizations and even countries

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they try to solve conflict by gathering
people sitting around a table, but without

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building relationship first. So and research
shows very clearly that they're actually basically only

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three things that matters, really matters
to us, to any any of us,

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right, in any organization and in
society. And the first thing is

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personal development, so opportunities for growth, right, And then that we have

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a purpose. And that's why I
love this, this this radio show.

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At least you know, working on
purpose is so amazing that you do this.

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And the third is positive personal relationships. And so that doesn't mean that

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we have to be close friends with
the people that we interact with every day.

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It can it can also be random
people that we meet on street.

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What matters is that they are high
quality connections, meaning that they are warm,

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kind and generous and so. And
also it's really interesting because Gallup has

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found that having friendly relationships at work, for example, is even more important

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to us women than it is to
men. We are exceptionally relational beings right

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as women, and and if we
have this, if we have a lot

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of relational energy in our work environment, then we are less likely to quit

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or look for a new job.
And we also feel less stressed and we

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have better health than we are happier. So relational energy to coming back to

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your question, Sorry that was a
long rent, but it's okay, I'm

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with you. Relational energy is is
really it's really simple. It's the emotional

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energy that is created in every single
so interactions that we have. And we

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feel this right because I mean,
some people like when I'm talking to you

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right now, I feel energized.
I feel good, and you bring me

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energy, right, you know,
I'm going to go to bed after and

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I'm going to feel really great about
myself. I just feel it. And

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then sometimes we spend time with someone
and we come home afterwards and we feel

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drained and we feel tired, and
and we don't feel so good about ourselves.

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And that's the depletion of energy.
So we want to increase relational energy

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as much as possible right in our
lives. And just you know, as

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if you to mine, I'd love
to talk about an example that I have

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for my life about this. I
mean absolutely, I was this is years

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ago now. I was working as
a lawyer for a bank in Switzerland,

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an investment bank, and they sent
me to this conference in Moscow, huge

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conference, lots of people, and
I didn't know anyone, and I felt

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kind of out of place. And
this the you know, the one morning,

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you know, I was in the
elevator going down to the lobby to

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breakfast and this this man comes into
the elevator and I knew of him because

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he was he was a big deal
in that world back then, and and

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he turned it and he looks as
me and he says, Hi, Uni,

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how are you this morning? How
was your dinner last night? He

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remembered me from the small little introduction
in small talk that we that we did,

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you know, at the the big
you know, gala dinner the night

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before, and the fact that he
remembered my name and knew who I was.

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I felt so good. I felt
so motivated and energized. And that

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just not only made my day,
but my whole conference, my whole experience

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of that conference completely changed. So
that's an example of the power of relational

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energy. So so, and it's
so and relational energy sparks a chain of

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reactions and and so just to explain
this is this is from I think doctor

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Wayne Baker, who is faculty director
of the University of Michigan, and he

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says that relational energy makes us feel
good. So there's an emotional aspect to

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it, but there's also a cognitive
aspect to relational energy. It gives us

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clarity, and it improves our memory
and performance. So what that means is

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that when we have a lot of
relational energy, we become more productive and

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also potentially more successful. Right,
so it all makes sense. It makes

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sense. Okay, I like to
call relational energy kind of like a secret

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weapon, right. It's really is
a superpower because you can you can do

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so much with it, you know, I totally am getting that, and

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I want to just if I can
give a shout out to my Brazilian friends

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who taught me about relationships and connection
when I lived there from ninety one to

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ninety three years and years ago.
They taught me about that. And part

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of what they taught me in that
case, I know this is not part

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of what you're talking about, but
my experience of that what made it so

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different and distinguishing was they were so
present when they were with me. They

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were we were together connected and a
lot of times usually there's also your touching

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when you talk with someone in Brazil, there's a physical piece of communicating as

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well, which is also just beautiful
for me. But that's where I learned

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a lot about the importance and the
brilliance and the beauty of relational energy.

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So I really appreciate what we're talking
about, and I see just how distinguishing

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it. Its superpower is a great
word for it. And you, of

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course, being you developed these four
pillars, so let's talk about each one

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of those. So our listeners and
viewers can get acts to them. The

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first one, as you say,
is self worth, So talk talk to

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us about that one. Oh,
this is maybe my favorite, favorite one

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of all of them, because it
really is the foundation for everything. So

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it's when someone says they're lonely,
what they're really saying is that I don't

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believe I'm worthy of love and connection. And that just hit me when I

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realized that, it just hit me
so deep because that felt like truth to

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me. That was I realized that
my own loneliness, my own disconnection,

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was a lack of self worth.
I didn't believe I was worthy, so

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I behaved like I wasn't worthy,
and so I would sometimes even exclude myself

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right because I didn't believe I was
worthy. So it's usual to understand our

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own worth, to discover our worth. And I think that unworthiness is perhaps

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the epidemic on our planet. I
mean, how we live in a world

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of feeling not enough right, Like, how how many of us really feel

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that love, you know, really
love ourselves unconditionally. So I think that

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that's the first step, the very
first step in connecting with other people is

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to connect with ourselves first. And
yeah, so I So what I teach

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people is to working on that connection
with ourselves. And the first thing to

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work on is grounding ourselves. Being
grounded and being connected are are so interlated,

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and especially this world, and even
before the pandemic, you know,

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we are bombarded with news, with
fake news, with information, with opinions.

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It's constant and never ending, right. And also we've been taught to

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look outside of ourselves for happiness,
raising for careers and money and social status.

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So being grounded is harder than ever
and I think that's a big part

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of this whole loneliness epidemic. M
okay, got it forth? Self worth

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is the first pillar, yeah,
and the second one, of course is

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where I of course got to also
chime in contribution, and I of course

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want to explore it, as we
talked about together on the phone, how

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it's connected to purpose exactly because one
of our basic human needs is to give

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of ourselves. It's to contribute.
It makes us feel when we give,

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it makes us feel like we matter, It gives us purpose. Right,

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So it's exactly what you're talking about. And and but in our society today,

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what we see and what I also
realize and I have to like catch

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myself often is that we tend to
value personal achievement higher than contribution, right

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and and and so I have to
be mindful of what I'm teaching my kids

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as well. But but a way
that we can contribute more, all of

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us, all of us can contribute
more and feel like we matter. It

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is to to to own our expertise
and to share what matters to us.

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Right and by speaking up, because
we need, we need to hear your

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voice, We need to We all
have something to get, we all have

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something to contribute. But part of
contribution is also allowing ourselves to receive.

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And that's something that I didn't realize
before because so I was so my whole

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my whole being was about achieving,
right, collecting degrees and titles and whatnot,

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and people into my life, and
I I didn't realize how important it

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is, and I didn't feel worthy
enough to receive. But receiving is contribution

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is really, it's really two sides
of it. Right. So if we

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can't feel that we matter, and
it doesn't give us that pleasure, if

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the other person isn't allowing us to
give to them, right, So we

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also have to be open to receiving
and by doing that, we're actually giving

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the other person a gift, giving
them the gift of showing them that they

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matter and that they are important.
Mm hmmm beautiful. I want to cover

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the last two really quick before we
go to the next segment. So you

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have trust next, talk about trust. Yeah, let's talk about trust.

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Trust is so important. Trust is
really essential to connection. With that trust,

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we live in a constant state of
vigilance, which creates again a lot

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of anxiety and stress. Trust is
really the glue that holds our society to

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get together right, and we see
that trust is low in our world today

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in general. We see this with
all the you know, the riot on

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January sixth this year, you know
the yellow vest movement in France, you

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know, people being drawn to conspiracy
theories and extremism. Is that is a

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consequence of trust and lack of trust
and trust also fuels loneliness, and loneliness

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fuels distrust. So it's really important
that we all think about how we can

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increase trust by being ourselves, by
taking responsibility for our acts. And we

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also need our leaders right to take
responsibility for their acts and apologize and you

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know, have be more clear,
be more transparent, and so and so

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that's how trust is an important part
of this whole equation. M hm wow,

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Okay, that's just there's just all
kinds of things for us to go

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into there. But let's get relationship
last. Is that the last one?

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Okay? Yes? And we we
we actually talked quite a lot about relationship

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because it is really what I mean
when I when I when I say relational

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energy. It's really cultivating relationships.
But I'm happy to talk more about how

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to do that, how we can
create more cultivate relationship and also create more

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relational energy and and so and so. It really is about being intentional,

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intentional in our connections with people.
What is what is the what is the

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reason we bring people together? What
is the reason beyond maybe the fact that

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it's a birthday party or or Chrismas
or New Year's right, beyond those locasions,

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what is our intention? And can
we also create some sort of purpose,

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specific purpose that is unique to that
meeting that cultivates relational energy in our

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relationships. That's gorgeous, Okay,
really a way to finish that segment.

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Thank you, my dear for that. I'm your host. We've got on

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the air with Uni Tarantini. She
is an author, speaker, and a

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facilitator on a mission to restore trust
and leadership and cultivate a culture of connection.

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We've been talking a bit about her
solution, which is cultivating relational energy.

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After and Raik, we're going to
hear more about how her lens and

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focus is manifesting in the work she's
doing today. Stay with us, We'll

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be right back. Doctor release Cortez
is a management consultant specializing in meaning and

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purpose. An inspirational speaker and author, she helps companies visioneer for greater purpose

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among stakeholders and develop purpose inspired leadership
and meaning infused cultures that elevate fulfillment,

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performance, and commitment within the workforce. To learn more or to invite Elise

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00:33:08.200 --> 00:33:14.039
to speak to your organization, please
visit her at elisecortes dot com. Let's

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00:33:14.039 --> 00:33:24.079
talk about how to get your employees
working on purpose. This is working on

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00:33:24.119 --> 00:33:30.039
Purpose with doctor Elise Cortes. To
reach our program today or open a conversation

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00:33:30.119 --> 00:33:37.599
with Alise, send an email to
Aleise Alise at elisecortes dot com. Now

392
00:33:37.960 --> 00:33:43.119
back to working on Purpose. Thanks
for staying with us, and welcome back

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00:33:43.160 --> 00:33:45.799
to working on purpose. One other
bit of news that nails with that I

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00:33:45.880 --> 00:33:49.160
have to share with you is that
my anthology that I've been curated for the

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00:33:49.240 --> 00:33:52.759
last two years has just been released. It's a collection of twenty five stories

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00:33:52.799 --> 00:33:55.880
from women across the globe or sharing
their intimate details about finding their purpose and

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00:33:55.960 --> 00:34:00.319
what they're now doing to serve from. It is called Passionately Striving Out Why,

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00:34:00.400 --> 00:34:02.640
an anthology of women who persevere remindily
to live their purpose. And I'm

399
00:34:02.640 --> 00:34:07.599
so proud of it I could bust. It's not Amazon for you if you're

400
00:34:07.640 --> 00:34:09.400
just joining us. My guest is
Muni Ta Rattini, who is an author,

401
00:34:09.480 --> 00:34:13.559
speaker, and facilitator on a mission
to restore a trust in leadership and

402
00:34:13.599 --> 00:34:16.679
cultivate a culture of connection. She's
the author of Betraying the Noble, The

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00:34:16.719 --> 00:34:21.760
Secrets and Corruption behind the Nobel Peace
Prize, and also the Mystery of the

404
00:34:21.800 --> 00:34:24.519
Lone Wolf Killer. I'm your host, Doctor alias Cortes, So for this

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last segment of you, I want
to dive into what it's so great,

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you know, when you find that
thing that makes you realize I have something

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to give the world to from this
space, which is what you've done it's

408
00:34:37.079 --> 00:34:39.079
amazing the creativity that can happen.
So you, my dear, have been

409
00:34:39.360 --> 00:34:45.159
on a crazy role and tear.
So I want to first talk about they're

410
00:34:45.199 --> 00:34:50.159
launching this new program for high A
dreaming women. So what's up with that?

411
00:34:50.280 --> 00:34:53.000
Why is that important to you?
Where's it going? Oh? My

412
00:34:53.039 --> 00:35:01.280
goodness, that is a result of
my own struggle with self worth, which

413
00:35:01.480 --> 00:35:06.400
you know is linked to the loneness
and disconnection that I that I had for

414
00:35:06.440 --> 00:35:13.800
so many years and trying to fill
my life with accomplishments and overachieving and overworking

415
00:35:14.000 --> 00:35:19.440
and working myself to exhaustion and burnout
and whatnot. And how I see this

416
00:35:20.280 --> 00:35:25.400
in so many women around me,
and and I felt the need. I

417
00:35:25.480 --> 00:35:30.800
knew that I could help, and
so I decided to create this program because

418
00:35:30.320 --> 00:35:34.920
I want to help more women.
I want to do this and also in

419
00:35:34.960 --> 00:35:39.400
a group, because when we are
we need women need community with other women.

420
00:35:39.519 --> 00:35:45.719
So that's part of it and so
true, right, and it's so

421
00:35:45.920 --> 00:35:52.199
it's it's amazing because I speak to
women all the time, how about their

422
00:35:52.239 --> 00:35:58.119
struggles and how they struggle to balance
work in family, for example, and

423
00:35:58.159 --> 00:36:02.199
to have a career and to follow
through on their dreams and their ambitions,

424
00:36:04.079 --> 00:36:07.960
and it's it's so hard, it's
so frustrating, and they're frustrated because they

425
00:36:08.440 --> 00:36:13.639
feel that something has to give.
And most of the time they give up

426
00:36:13.639 --> 00:36:16.119
on their careers. You know,
they end up, you know, settling

427
00:36:16.800 --> 00:36:22.519
doing something that maybe it's less interesting
to them so that they can be there,

428
00:36:23.000 --> 00:36:27.800
you know, more for their family, and and they end up giving

429
00:36:27.880 --> 00:36:32.880
up on themselves, which I think
is so sad, and I want terminal

430
00:36:34.400 --> 00:36:37.119
right now. I don't want to
prevent that from from from happening, and

431
00:36:37.239 --> 00:36:40.400
to to because there is a different
way of living, There is a different

432
00:36:40.480 --> 00:36:49.119
end. But it starts by reconnecting
with ourselves and discovering what are our true

433
00:36:49.280 --> 00:36:52.679
worth is right, and then owning
that worth and owning our power because women

434
00:36:52.719 --> 00:36:59.239
are so powerful but we don't know
it. M hm, so so so

435
00:36:59.480 --> 00:37:01.800
very true. I work with lots
of people, men and women, and

436
00:37:01.840 --> 00:37:07.119
when I see a woman and she
starts to re realize or reconnect her power,

437
00:37:07.119 --> 00:37:09.880
it's the most amazing thing. Yeah, okay. So one of the

438
00:37:09.920 --> 00:37:12.920
other things that you told me that
you were working on, which I think

439
00:37:12.960 --> 00:37:15.960
is just extraordinary, is you've got
a project you're working on in association with

440
00:37:15.960 --> 00:37:21.400
the public mental health and eating disorders
in Norway. Oh my gosh, What

441
00:37:21.440 --> 00:37:22.639
in the world is that? What
is that about? What do you hope

442
00:37:22.679 --> 00:37:30.159
to accomplish? That is a project
we're working on it we will launch the

443
00:37:30.280 --> 00:37:36.320
beginning of next year. And this
is really because there is such a link

444
00:37:36.480 --> 00:37:45.039
between all eating disorders, including anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating and loneliness

445
00:37:45.639 --> 00:37:52.199
right and then feed off literally right
right, And there's a lot of the

446
00:37:52.199 --> 00:37:57.719
same symptoms. So someone with an
eating disorder typically feels like, you know,

447
00:37:57.719 --> 00:38:02.280
if they don't love themselves, they
value themselves, they beat themselves,

448
00:38:02.519 --> 00:38:06.880
you know, up, just like
just like people who are lonely, just

449
00:38:06.920 --> 00:38:09.199
like all these you know, also
these you know, overachieving and high achieving

450
00:38:09.199 --> 00:38:15.079
women do as well. And there's
so there's such a link and and the

451
00:38:15.079 --> 00:38:24.960
the fact that these the negative emotions
that that results from the loneliness fuels the

452
00:38:25.000 --> 00:38:31.199
eating disorder symptoms as well, and
and and vice versa. So it's extremely

453
00:38:31.239 --> 00:38:39.920
important to understand loneliness and to deal
with the loneliness in order to deal with

454
00:38:39.960 --> 00:38:45.239
the eating disorder. That's so interesting. I've had friends, many friends who

455
00:38:45.239 --> 00:38:47.400
have had major eating disorders that have
helped them with I'm not that I can

456
00:38:47.480 --> 00:38:50.800
I'm not. I mean I should
say, I should say supported them while

457
00:38:50.800 --> 00:38:52.199
they were going through it. I
can't. I don't treat that myself.

458
00:38:52.519 --> 00:38:58.039
But yeah, I can see the
loneliness piece under that exactly. So that's

459
00:38:58.079 --> 00:39:01.320
what we're going to do in in
collaboration where I come in and talk about

460
00:39:01.360 --> 00:39:05.519
the loneliness and you know, so
there will be sort of workshop, will

461
00:39:05.559 --> 00:39:08.000
workshop, this, this, will
this will be a program that will go

462
00:39:08.239 --> 00:39:13.480
over a year to start with,
and then we'll see where it goes from

463
00:39:13.480 --> 00:39:17.880
there. But I think it's it's
it's so interesting and so I'm so happy

464
00:39:17.920 --> 00:39:23.840
that the Norwegian government and state is
taking loneliness, is beginning to take lowliness

465
00:39:23.960 --> 00:39:28.840
seriously also and also mental illness.
I think, you know, we we

466
00:39:30.280 --> 00:39:37.760
haven't even seen anything yet of what
this pandemic is going to fall out mental

467
00:39:37.800 --> 00:39:43.480
health, right, and although it
was necessary, I'm not saying that the

468
00:39:43.519 --> 00:39:46.159
all the precautions, all the you
know, the measures were not necessary,

469
00:39:46.199 --> 00:39:52.159
but it will have an effect on
how we function in society. Mm hmmm

470
00:39:52.360 --> 00:39:53.840
hmm. Well, talk about you
know, in terms of this project that

471
00:39:53.880 --> 00:39:58.719
you're up to, and you talk
about contribution making an impact, making a

472
00:39:58.760 --> 00:40:00.800
difference, giving your gift. So
one of the things that I know being

473
00:40:00.880 --> 00:40:05.199
being a local therapist is that when
we give of ourselves, when we serve

474
00:40:05.320 --> 00:40:08.920
other people, then we get into
self transcendence. That is the space that

475
00:40:08.960 --> 00:40:14.400
gives us the feeling of fulfillment that
you're talking about. So talk about you

476
00:40:14.400 --> 00:40:15.679
know, contribution on your part to
be part of this. And I can't

477
00:40:15.679 --> 00:40:20.000
even imagine the amazing people that you're
working with on this project. Yeah,

478
00:40:20.199 --> 00:40:22.239
no, absolutely, you know,
out of this world. And I feel

479
00:40:22.280 --> 00:40:29.880
so grateful and it's so privileged to
be able to do this and be able

480
00:40:29.960 --> 00:40:34.559
to hopefully help so many people,
and and hopefully also we can take this

481
00:40:34.880 --> 00:40:37.920
abroad, you know, take this
outside of of of Norway and and and

482
00:40:38.599 --> 00:40:44.239
experiment with with with you know,
dealing with different aspects of our mental health,

483
00:40:44.360 --> 00:40:46.360
you know. Yeah, yeah,
yeah, in connection. Okay,

484
00:40:46.679 --> 00:40:50.079
awesome, that is so amazing.
Talk about being up to something, my

485
00:40:50.159 --> 00:40:53.519
dear. And then wait, there's
more. You told me that you're also

486
00:40:53.599 --> 00:40:58.239
launching this new class called why balancing
work and family is so dang hard and

487
00:40:58.360 --> 00:41:02.159
what to do instead? Oh yes, yes, and when is that coming

488
00:41:02.199 --> 00:41:08.079
out? So actually that is I
had a class. Uh, that's actually

489
00:41:08.119 --> 00:41:13.719
a free master class that I'm doing
just you know, because I want to

490
00:41:13.760 --> 00:41:16.679
help as many people as I can. So there is a class actually that

491
00:41:16.719 --> 00:41:21.400
will be on Tuesday next week.
That will be my last class in the

492
00:41:21.519 --> 00:41:27.639
series for now anyway, and and
you know, and for any listeners who

493
00:41:27.679 --> 00:41:30.559
would like to join that class,
feel free. You can go to my

494
00:41:30.599 --> 00:41:36.559
website and sign up for it or
any of my social media. I am

495
00:41:36.599 --> 00:41:39.360
the only person in the world with
my name. I have a very weird

496
00:41:39.440 --> 00:41:45.119
name, amazing unusual name, so
so you can you can find it and

497
00:41:45.519 --> 00:41:50.039
sign up and it will be next
Tuesday. So that is really where I'm

498
00:41:50.039 --> 00:41:57.800
taking five of the most frequent frustrations, challenges and browning questions that I hear

499
00:41:57.920 --> 00:42:02.000
from women from all over the world
about balance and trying to balance work and

500
00:42:02.039 --> 00:42:07.599
family and and and and feeling so
frustrated. And then what I will do.

501
00:42:07.679 --> 00:42:13.880
I will take those five challenges frustrations, and I will deal with them

502
00:42:13.920 --> 00:42:16.719
one by one and teach on what
we can do instead, how we can

503
00:42:16.880 --> 00:42:20.480
what we can do says, so
we don't have to try to balance,

504
00:42:20.559 --> 00:42:23.440
right, because I mean balancing if
you think about it, you know your

505
00:42:23.519 --> 00:42:29.360
work needs you one hundred percent,
your family needs you one hundred percent.

506
00:42:29.440 --> 00:42:36.559
How do you balance that? I
haven't found anyway to balance that. So

507
00:42:36.679 --> 00:42:38.800
there's but there's something else that we
can do instead, and that has to

508
00:42:38.840 --> 00:42:44.440
do with with with owning our self
worth, knowing what we are worth,

509
00:42:44.480 --> 00:42:49.480
and setting boundaries and and a lot
of the same things actually that we deal

510
00:42:49.519 --> 00:42:52.480
with with loneliness. It's just a
different aspect of it, and you know,

511
00:42:52.599 --> 00:42:55.400
a little different methods. But mm
hmm, okay, ooh, I

512
00:42:55.440 --> 00:42:58.519
gotta, I gotta, I gotta, we gotta, we gotta treat this.

513
00:42:58.639 --> 00:43:01.679
So what you're talking about it so
important about this why balancing work and

514
00:43:01.719 --> 00:43:05.239
family is so dang hard? What
to do instead? So here is what

515
00:43:05.800 --> 00:43:08.280
I've been saying and coming to is
that the pandemic in many ways has really

516
00:43:08.400 --> 00:43:13.800
ushered in what I would call a
workforce strike. The workforce is that I'm

517
00:43:13.800 --> 00:43:15.280
not going to tolerate this stuff anymore. I'm not going to go work for

518
00:43:15.719 --> 00:43:19.239
low wages and get exposed to COVID. I'm just not going to do that.

519
00:43:19.280 --> 00:43:21.440
I'm just going to quit my job
and I'm going to go or I'm

520
00:43:21.480 --> 00:43:23.480
not going to work overwhelming, crazy
hours and where I'm just going to quit

521
00:43:23.519 --> 00:43:27.840
my job and go. So,
now, if we take this notion of

522
00:43:27.880 --> 00:43:30.880
this family piece as far as if
I have this right, I'm pretty sure

523
00:43:30.960 --> 00:43:35.320
only women can bring children into the
world, at least currently, So,

524
00:43:35.920 --> 00:43:37.559
you know, if it needs to
be done right, so we've got to

525
00:43:37.559 --> 00:43:43.639
find a way to be able to
make this more available for women to be

526
00:43:43.639 --> 00:43:45.440
able to have a career but also
still be able to have a family.

527
00:43:45.480 --> 00:43:49.960
And so just today, I'm having
a conversation with a woman that I'm working

528
00:43:49.960 --> 00:43:53.119
with that I'm doing some coaching with, and she's pushing back on her boss

529
00:43:53.119 --> 00:43:57.159
and employer because they're saying, hey, you want to navigate your career.

530
00:43:57.199 --> 00:43:59.079
If you're going to have your career, you have to travel. You've got

531
00:43:59.079 --> 00:44:00.760
to be on the road. She
has a very young child and she wants

532
00:44:00.800 --> 00:44:05.559
to have another child, and she
said no, They said, you should

533
00:44:05.599 --> 00:44:07.199
get a nanny, you should go
ahead, and you know, get help

534
00:44:07.239 --> 00:44:09.800
in your house, get your mom
to come over and help you. And

535
00:44:09.840 --> 00:44:13.760
she's like, no, I don't
want to do it on those terms.

536
00:44:14.079 --> 00:44:15.480
I don't want to be a I
do not want to be a parent on

537
00:44:15.519 --> 00:44:21.000
those terms. I do not want
to source outsource my parenthood to these other

538
00:44:21.119 --> 00:44:23.039
parties. While I'm on the road
for you, I will travel some for

539
00:44:23.079 --> 00:44:25.960
you, but this is not going
to be the big two and three three

540
00:44:27.039 --> 00:44:30.920
week trip thing. So I think
there's a real opportunity for more women,

541
00:44:30.440 --> 00:44:34.280
you know, to be able to
push back on this stuff that's said that

542
00:44:34.400 --> 00:44:37.320
is required of them in order to
develop their careers because they want to actually

543
00:44:37.320 --> 00:44:42.480
be available for their children. I
chose to work for myself starting in two

544
00:44:42.480 --> 00:44:44.840
thousand and three when I had my
child, so that I would have more

545
00:44:44.880 --> 00:44:47.440
control over my life and my schedule. So I think what you're doing is

546
00:44:47.480 --> 00:44:52.559
so so critical. In fact,
you know, is a necessary movement in

547
00:44:52.599 --> 00:44:54.360
the world. Right now, more
women are dropping out of the workforce because

548
00:44:54.360 --> 00:44:57.719
they get to the place where they
say, I just call uncle, I

549
00:44:57.840 --> 00:45:02.840
quit. Yep, right, absolutely
absolutely, And it's important that people continue

550
00:45:02.960 --> 00:45:09.559
with their work and and and have
careers and and and live their purpose right

551
00:45:09.960 --> 00:45:15.440
and also for for their for their
own sanity first of all, and also

552
00:45:15.519 --> 00:45:21.519
for their for their financial independence.
And absolutely right, it's it's part of

553
00:45:21.599 --> 00:45:25.119
it's part of it's part of our
movement right to be free, independent,

554
00:45:25.639 --> 00:45:31.119
equal uh humans. Right, So
so it is it is part and I

555
00:45:31.119 --> 00:45:37.039
think it has it. There's there's
something for working smarter, and also there

556
00:45:37.119 --> 00:45:43.280
is something to be said for setting
an example, also being role models for

557
00:45:43.280 --> 00:45:47.519
for the younger generations, for for
for for younger women all over the world,

558
00:45:49.119 --> 00:45:52.920
and and setting in setting boundaries and
and being owning you know what,

559
00:45:52.920 --> 00:45:58.280
what's what is ours to take on
and what is not right? Yeah,

560
00:45:58.480 --> 00:46:06.239
and and showing our are our children, that we no longer sacrifice ourselves for

561
00:46:07.079 --> 00:46:14.159
anyone. We put ourselves first.
That priority list needs to be turned around

562
00:46:14.440 --> 00:46:19.800
because usually women, we as we
tend to be the nurturers, we tend

563
00:46:19.840 --> 00:46:22.880
to be the you know, the
caretakers, and and we are the last

564
00:46:22.920 --> 00:46:27.599
person on our priority list. And
that needs to change. It needs to

565
00:46:27.639 --> 00:46:30.760
be we need to be first,
because we're not serving our children or anyone

566
00:46:31.840 --> 00:46:38.519
by by being last and sacrificing ourselves
and showing that exhaustion and sacrifice is what

567
00:46:38.559 --> 00:46:42.519
we is, what we is,
what we show, right, and put

568
00:46:42.519 --> 00:46:45.440
your oxygen mask on first, right, and put our own mask on first,

569
00:46:45.800 --> 00:46:49.679
and then we can care for somebody
else. So we've managed already to

570
00:46:49.679 --> 00:46:52.119
come to the end of the show. It's amazing how fast it goes so

571
00:46:52.239 --> 00:46:54.760
fast right. So you know,
this show is listened to by people all

572
00:46:54.800 --> 00:46:58.360
over the world, and the whole
idea is to be able to help create

573
00:46:58.400 --> 00:47:00.440
a workplace where people actually want to
to work and try and do their best,

574
00:47:00.679 --> 00:47:04.119
and we do business that betters the
world. What would you like to

575
00:47:04.159 --> 00:47:07.360
leave our listeners with today? Oh, there's so many things, but I'm

576
00:47:07.360 --> 00:47:12.119
gonna keep it simple. So it's
all then, it's all about relational energy.

577
00:47:12.320 --> 00:47:17.480
It's it's about listening more, asking
questions, really listening, also to

578
00:47:17.559 --> 00:47:24.159
the nonverbal communication going on, care
showing that you care. And I love

579
00:47:25.760 --> 00:47:31.679
the example of remembering someone's name,
even if there's there's a colleague that you

580
00:47:31.760 --> 00:47:37.440
don't know very well, but ask
them, what's your name? Like,

581
00:47:37.480 --> 00:47:40.039
what do you like? Know something
about them? And they're something in their

582
00:47:40.039 --> 00:47:44.599
personal life that you can pick up
on and ask them and make them feel

583
00:47:44.639 --> 00:47:47.880
seen, heard and valued. I
think that is the most important thing that

584
00:47:47.920 --> 00:47:52.760
we can do for our work environment. Wonderful and he's so great to have

585
00:47:52.840 --> 00:47:55.079
you and knowing and to be connected
to you. So thank you for being

586
00:47:55.119 --> 00:47:58.599
on the show. I'm sharing your
heart, your soul, your message is

587
00:47:58.639 --> 00:48:01.199
beautiful. Thank you, Thank you
so much for having me Elise. It's

588
00:48:01.199 --> 00:48:05.519
been a pleasure, so welcome listeners
and viewers. If you want to learn

589
00:48:05.519 --> 00:48:07.320
more about UNI to a Teen,
her work, courses or books, you

590
00:48:07.320 --> 00:48:09.760
can visit her website. It's uh
NEI to her a teen. Me let

591
00:48:09.760 --> 00:48:15.480
me spell that for you. It's
you n n I t U r r

592
00:48:15.679 --> 00:48:20.239
E t t I n E dot
com, untourtene dot com. Last week,

593
00:48:20.280 --> 00:48:22.840
if you missed the live show,
you goes catch it be recorded podcast.

594
00:48:22.880 --> 00:48:24.960
We were on the air with Dalton
de Vaccheran and Steffie Sunny Devacer and

595
00:48:25.039 --> 00:48:30.840
founders of Ethne, a nonprofit organization
empowering vulnerable women and children across the world.

596
00:48:30.119 --> 00:48:34.880
We enjoyed a most inspiring conversation about
how the organization and its purpose were

597
00:48:34.960 --> 00:48:37.400
born and the amazing work they are
doing to lift lives across the planet.

598
00:48:38.000 --> 00:48:42.159
Two young people with also two full
time jobs on the site as well.

599
00:48:42.199 --> 00:48:45.079
By the way, next week we'll
be on the air with Simon Mainwaring talking

600
00:48:45.079 --> 00:48:49.679
about his latest book, Lead with
We the Business Revolution that will Save our

601
00:48:49.719 --> 00:48:52.440
future. I promise it will be
extremely interesting, educational and inspiring. See

602
00:48:52.480 --> 00:48:55.159
you there. I remember that works
at least of our life. So let's

603
00:48:55.199 --> 00:49:00.400
Work on Purpose. We hope you've
enjoyed this week's program. Be sure to

604
00:49:00.440 --> 00:49:05.639
tune in to Working on Purpose,
featuring your host, doctor Elise Cortes,

605
00:49:05.920 --> 00:49:10.039
each week on the Voice America Empowerment
Channel. Together, we'll create a world

606
00:49:10.079 --> 00:49:17.599
where business operates conscientiously, leadership inspires
impassioned performance, and employees are fulfilled in

607
00:49:17.679 --> 00:49:22.480
work that provides the meaning and purpose
they crave. See you there, Let's

608
00:49:22.679 --> 00:49:23.639
work on Purpose.