Feeling Lonely and Without Purpose? Increase Relational Energy

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What's working on purpose anyway? Each
week we ponder the answer to this question.

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People ache for meaning and purpose at
work, to contribute their talents passionately

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and know their lives really matter.
They crave being part of an organization that

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inspires them and helps them grow into
realizing their highest potential. Business can be

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such a force for good in the
world, elevating humanity. In our program,

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we provide guidance and inspiration to help
usher in this world we all want

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Working on purpose. Now Here is
your host, doctor Elise Cortez. Hi

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there, welcome back to the Working
on Purpose Program. Thanks for tuning again

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this week. I'm your host,
doctor Elis Cortez, joining you a live

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from Dallas, which is home based
for me. If you don't know me

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yet, I'm a management consultant specializing
in meaning and purpose, organizational local therapist,

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inspirational speaker, social scientist, and
author. I help companies discover and

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articulate their purpose and threaded through culture
and operations. I work with organizations to

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develop inspirational leaders who create cultures where
people actually want to come to work and

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do their best. And I provide
programs like the Grab Yourgusto that enable individual

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team members to discover and unleash their
passion and purpose at work to catalyze fulfilment,

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engagement, and productivity. You can
learn more about me and how we

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can work together at at last Cortez
dot com or Gusto Dashnow dot com.

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With us today is Uni Turattini,
who is an author, speaker, and

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facilitator on a mission to restore trust
and leadership and cultivated culture of connection.

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She's the author of Betraying the Noble, the secrets and corruption behind the Noble

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Peace Prize, and also the Mystery
of the Lone Wolf Killer, which examines

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Norwegian mass murder anders Varying Brevik,
both from a psychological and sociological perspective,

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and focuses on what we can learn
from that tragedy to prevent rampage killing spurred

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by loneliness. She joins it today
from Oslo, Norway, where it's eleven

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pm at night over there. Buoni, Welcome to working on Purpose. Thank

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you so much, Elise for having
me. Beyond thrilled to have you and

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just to be connected with you and
the work that you're doing in the world.

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And really also let's also celebrate that
you were still with us yes,

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I have just come back from the
COVID trip and you and your family,

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So we had you scheduled on the
show a couple of weeks ago, and

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you reached out the day before and
said, oh, at least, I'm

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so sorry. I have COVID and
I don't know if if I'm going to

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be strong enough to do the show. And so how did it go?

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How did how'd you navigate it?
You know, it was no fun,

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I'll be honest, but we all
pulled through, Thank goodness. I mean,

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I'm so I'm so incredibly, incredibly
grateful that we are a family.

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We're all in good health, and
the kids got it very lightly, thankfully,

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and my husband and I we got
it too, and we were in

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bed. You know, it was
a week. It was a it was

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a rough week, but thankfully we're
strong, we're in good health, and

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we could pull through quite easily.
I have to say, so, well,

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very very glad to have you back
in goodstead and certainly sharing your important

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message with today, which I think
in many ways, this notion of here

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you are coming up COVID and we're
going to talk about loneliness today and relational

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connection, I think it's kind of
an interesting thing to start to queue up

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on. So you and I met
a few months ago and started talking about

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what you were addressed in what you're
addressing in the world, which I thought

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was hugely important. So I want
to start by talking about the problem that

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you talk about of isolation and loneliness
in the world. You say that more

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than sixty percent of American adults report
feeling isolated, with Europe following a similar

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trend. So what's going on besides
that, of course the pandemic, which

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has got to be part of it. Is what's going on? And how

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can that? How can that be
when we seem to have so many channels

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to communicate and connect. Oh,
you're so right, I mean, we

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do have so many channels. I
mean, we've never been more connected right

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through technology and social media than we
are today. Yet we have never been

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and lonely are as a society.
And as you said, more than sixty

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percent of American adults struggle with loneland
as a day that's coming out of the

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pandemic. Before the pandemic, already
there were experts talking about loneland as as

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an epidemic, you know, epidemic
proportions, and you know the US was

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around forty percent back then, so
really now it's really and that's because of

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of course, because of COVID social
restrictions, we haven't been able to see

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our family travel, visit be together
in the way that we used to be,

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right, So it's definitely a lot
of that now in Europe, we

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see that the UK beginning of twenty
eighteen already they appointed the government appointed a

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Loneland as minister to try to deal
with there. So this is this is

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something that is huge and politicians,
governments are starting now around the world to

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take seriously. Okay, so now
let's talk about some consequences. This isolation.

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What happens when we feel this loneliness
and we feel isolated. So that's

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that's that's really why it's so important
to have these conversations at least, and

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I thank you for bringing it up, because loneliness has some serious consequences.

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So first of all, it is
a direct danger to our health, right,

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so even you know, our physical
health. So it's research shows that

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loneliness is more dangerous than obesity and
or smoking fifteen cigarettes per day, right.

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And we also new research just out
also shows there's a link between loneliness

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and depression and getting severe COVID.
So that is something that is extremely important

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right now to take into consideration and
start dealing with that because people who are

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people who are lonely are dealing with
a lot of stress and a lot of

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anxiety and depression, right because it
leads to that. So when we are

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in a state of hyper vigilance,
that's also when we get weaker. You

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know, we are we we we
can can, we can, we can

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attract, we can, we can
get sick by all sorts of things,

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right, but especially a virus because
we are in a weaker state. So

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it's very important to to talk about
the mental you know, the danger to

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our physical and mental health and address
those issues right. And also loneliness has

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financial consequences. In the UK,
the authorities have estimated that loneliness is costing

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employers more than three point five billion
US dollars every year because of people on

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safely. So there's they're big societal
costs as well. And also in in

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you know, in terms of of
of of health you know, health costs

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and and uh and you know especially
you know here in Europe where we have

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you know, where our our our
medical bills are paid for by our taxes

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or by the state, right So
so that's it has a huge consequence on

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the whole system and a burden on
the system. So and and as I

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write about in my first book,
The Mystery of the Lone Wolf Killer,

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which as I was just going to
get to that next, that's fascinating,

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right, Absolutely, loneliness can make
us dangerous, not you know, not

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just toward other people like I write
about in my book, but also toward

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ourselves. Because the one is the
condition associated with suicide. And and although

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not all lonely people have thoughts about
committing suicide, it's safe to say that

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all suicidal people are lonely. I
can see that. So, as you

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were speaking about this, and you
know what's going through my mind. My

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god, this woman takes on small
issues, you know, way to just

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you know, take on goliath.
Woman. This is amazing, you know,

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And so let's let's not go further
round of the hood here. One

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of the things that was so compelling
to me when we first got together and

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spoke about you coming on air and
you shared about what you've been up to.

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You talk about how you were compelled
by the twenty eleven mass killing in

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your own backyard there in Oslo,
and you made some startling discoveries about your

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own background personally and experiences which were
very similar e releas silar to those of

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the killer say more about that.
Absolutely that was I mean, I was.

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We have this most horrific to those
who don't remember. In twenty eleven,

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on July twenty second, this young
man, Honor Sprybek, blew up

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the government center in Oslo build a
build a car bomb at just like the

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one Timothy McBay used in Oklahoma City
side, right, And and then he

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got away. He managed to get
away from from from that scene, and

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then he drove to about forty five
minutes outside of Oslo, to this island

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where there was a sum summer camp
for teenagers, and he started shooting.

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And he killed seventy seven people that
day, most of them teenagers and kids.

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You know. The youngest I think
was eleven years old. So this

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was of course such a shock,
such uh, you know, it was

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so horrific, and and to us
in Norway, this was our nine to

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eleven, right. And I was
living in Switzerland at the time, and

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I remember trying to call home trying
to call my parents. I was trying

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to call my friends. You know, I'm a lawyer by training, so

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so a lot of my friends were
working in the government center right in the

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just department there, and I was
trying to call them and I couldn't get

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through, and so so on.
A As a Norwegian, of course,

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I was very touched by this.
But what I discovered when I was I

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was following the news and I was
and I was starting to do some digging

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on my own, was that the
reason why I was so perhaps beyond normal

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normally touched by this because I developed
sort of in a way, an obsession

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and a fascination by this type of
killer, this sort of loan wolf all

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alone, very intelligent, a thorough
planner, And why would someone like that,

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who's never done anything criminal in his
life prior to this act, why

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would someone go to this extreme?
Like? How can that happen? Someone

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who who who came from a good
family, who educated intelligent, who grew

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up close to to to my home, went to the same schools that you

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know, that really intrigued me.
And what I found was that this young

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man, he felt like an outsider
growing up. He never felt that he

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was part of the group. He
never felt really accepted and never he never

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had that sensib belonging growing up,
and this followed him, and I could

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recognize myself in that I had struggled
with with my own sense of lack of

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belonging and loneliness for so many years
as well, and up until, you

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know, up until for the most
recent years, I've struggled with that.

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And that's and that really so I
could empathize with what all of these killers

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because I then I started studying and
millar killers around the world, and all

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of them, all of them struggled
with belonging and loneliness, feeling like they

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were part of something right the part, and they never made it. They

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never could become part of a group. And now so so all of these

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killers then have also a lot of
attachment issues from early childhood. And I

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don't necessarily have those, so I
have been able to connect with people as

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an adult, but these killers they
can't. So that's why they in the

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end, they suffer so much.
They go to this extreme. Now,

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thankfully it is rare that someone will
go to this extreme, but we see

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it increasingly and even now coming out
of the pandemic right there has been a

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dramatic increase in mass shooting, for
example in the United States and violence.

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So and that is that is a
side effect of this social isolation that we

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all have been under for almost two
years now. And we you know,

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we're people, We are hardwired to
connect and to be together in community.

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And when we are outside, when
we even even if we have people around

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us, but we feel like we
are not part of we suffer. We

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suffer, and it causes a lot
of stress and depression and anxiety. Oh

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my gosh, I can completely say
on how you got so riveted and all

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that, especially if you felt like
some some strong commonalities there. So with

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the book that you wrote, the
Mystery of the Lone Wolf Killer, what

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do you hope that readers will get
from that? So my my goal with

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the book was really too because what
what happened was I was following the news,

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I was reading, I was doing
my own research, and I couldn't

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find in the news. During the
trial of underscribing, I couldn't find the

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answers that I was looking for.
I felt that they weren't digging deep enough.

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They were blaming it on extremism and
his political views, Whereas what I

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found was that it really is irrelevant. They always attached to extremism and some

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form like almost like an angry fundamentalism, if you will, but it really

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could be anything. It doesn't really
matter what the cause is as long as

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they can attach to it and use
it to to kill in the name of

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the cause. But it doesn't really
matter what the cause is. So to

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me, the the cause is irrelevant. It's really what's what's behind? Why

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are they attaching to this? Why
are they driven to word extremism and fundamentalism

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in this way? That's right?
And so what I did so I wrote

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about that. I wrote also about
our cultures today and why why so many

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people struggle with loneliness. And then
I also try to to really reveal what

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the warning signs are, what are
the warning signs of a lone wolf killer

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in the making, so that hopefully, hopefully we can spot him and then

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prevent it from happening way before,
like way before, like years before,

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even when you know, like to
backward to when they are in they are

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in school. And that has a
lot to do with inclusivity and and and

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and bullying and how we treat the
same thing and making people feel seen,

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heard and valued. That's all we
want, really, all of us,

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right right, right, Oh my
gosh, what a beautiful way to take

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us into our first break. Uni, thank you. We've been on the

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air with Uni Turettini, who is
the author, speaker and speaker facilitator on

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a mission to restore trust and leadership
and cultivate a culture of connection. I'm

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your host, doctor Lease Cortez.
We've been talking about the problem of holiness

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after the rank, We're going to
talk about her solution, which is to

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increase relational energy. To stay with
us, We'll be right back. Doctor

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Release Cortez is a management consultant specializing
in meaning and purpose and inspirational speaker and

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author. She helps companies visioneer for
greater purpose among stakeholders and develop purpose inspired

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leadership and meaning infused cultures that elevate
fulfillment, performance, and commitment within the

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workforce. To learn more or to
invite a Lease to speak to your organization,

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please visit her at a lease Cortez
dot com. Let's talk about how

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to get your employees working on purpose. This is working on purpose with doctor

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Elise Cortez. To reach our program
today or open a conversation with Elise.

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Send an email to Elise ali se
at Elise Cortez dot com. Now back

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to Working on Purpose. Thanks for
staying with us, and welcome back to

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Working on Purpose. Before we get
back to the program, I want to

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invite you to check out my book
Purpose Ignited. How is Firon leaders Ignite,

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Passion and all that cause so on
Amazon. I wrote it to awaken

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readers to their passion and purpose and
help transform into inspirational leaders who enlighten the

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workplace and elevate the contribution business to
all its stakeholders. I use this content

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as a basis for my Violent Insparted
Leadership program and the Grab Your Gusto programs.

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If you're just joining a program today. My guest is Uni to Rottini,

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who is an author, speaker,
and facilitator on a mission to restore

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trust in leadership and cultivate a culture
of connection. She's the author of Betraying

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the Noble, The Secrets of Corruption
behind the Noble Peace Prize, and the

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Mystery of a Lone Wolf Killer.
I'm your host, doctor Elise Cortez.

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We talked about the problems before this
segment here and dive into your solution,

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which is increasing relational energy, which
is so beautiful and novel and different.

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I just had to have you on
for that reason. So your journey has

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taught you that, as you say
that, that these problems of isolation and

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loneliness can be largely addressed by increasingess
relational energy. And so first tell us

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more about what you mean by relational
energy. What does that mean? Oh

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yeah, that's that's you know.
I love talking about relational energy. I

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can talk all day about it.
So I have what I call the four

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pillars of connection that that are all
needed for us to feel fulfilled, to

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feel connected. Right, and relationships
is one of these pillars, and that's

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where the relational energy comes in.
And so relationships are really the foundation for

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communication and also for conflict or a
solution, right, and we see that.

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But what we see in the world
on all levels is that you know,

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organizations and even countries they try to
solve conflict by gathering people sitting around

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a table, but without building relationship
first. So and and research shows very

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clearly that they're actually basically only three
things that matters, really matters to us,

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to any any of us, right
in any organization and in society.

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And the first thing is personal development, so opportunities for growth, right,

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And then that we have a purpose. And that's why I love this,

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this this radio show. At least
that you know, working on purpose.

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It's so amazing that you do this. And the third is positive personal relationships.

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And so that doesn't mean that we
have to be close friends with the

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people that we interact with every day. It can it can also be random

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people that we meet on street.
What matters is that they are high quality

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connections, meaning that they are warm, kind and generous and so and and

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and also it's really interesting because Gallup
has found that having friendly relationships at work,

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for example, is even more important
to us women than it is to

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men. We are exceptionally relational beings
right as women. And and if we

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have this, if we have a
lot of relational energy in our work environment,

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then we are less likely to quit
or look for a new job.

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And we also feel less stressed and
we have better health than we are happier.

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So so relational energy to coming back
to your question. Sorry that was

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a long rent, but it's okay
with you. Relational energy is is really

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it's it's really simple. It's the
emotional energy that is created in every single

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interactions that we have. And we
feel this right because I mean, some

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people like when I'm talking to you
right now, I feel energized, I

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feel good, and you bring me
energy, right, you know, I'm

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going to go to bed after and
I'm going to feel really great about myself.

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I just feel it. And then
sometimes we spend time with someone and

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we come home afterwards and we feel
drained and we feel tired, and and

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we don't feel so good about ourselves. And that's the depletion of energy.

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So we want to increase relational energy
as much as possible right in our lives.

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And just you know, as if
you don't mind, I'd love to

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talk about an example that I'd have
from my life about this. I mean

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absolutely, I was this is years
ago now. I was working as a

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lawyer for a bank in Switzerland,
an investment bank, and they sent me

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to this conference in Moscow, huge
conference, lots of people, and I

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didn't know anyone, and I felt
kind of out of place. And this,

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you know, the one morning,
you know, I was in the

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elevator going down to the lobby to
breakfast and this this man comes into the

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elevator, and I knew of him
because he was he was a big deal

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in that world back then. And
and he turns, he looks at me,

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and he says, Hi, Uni, how are you this morning?

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How was your you know dinner last
night? He remembered me from the small

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little introduction and small talk that we
that we that we did you know at

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the big you know, Galla dinner
the night before. And the fact that

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he remembered my name and knew who
I was. I felt so good.

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I felt so motivated and energized.
And that just not only made my day,

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but my whole conference, My whole
experience of that conference completely changed.

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So that's an example of the power
of relational energy. So so and it's

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so and relational energy sparks a chain
of reactions and and so just to explain

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this is this is from I think
doctor Wayne Baker, who is faculty director

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of the University of Michigan, and
he says that relational energy makes us feel

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good. So there's an emotional aspect
to it, but there's also a cognitive

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aspect to relational energy. It gives
us clarity and it improves our memory and

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performance. So what that means is
that when we have a lot of relational

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energy, we become more productive and
also potentially more successful. Right, all

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makes sense, It makes sense,
Okay. I like to call relational energy

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kind of like a secret weapon.
Right, It's it's it's really it's a

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superpower because you can you can do
so much with it. You know.

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I totally in getting that, and
I want to just if I can give

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a shout out to my Brazilian friends
who taught me about relationships and connection when

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I lived there from ninety one to
ninety three years and years ago. They

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taught me about that. And part
of what they taught me in that case,

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I know this is not part of
what you're talking about, but my

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experience of that what made it so
different and distinguishing was they were so present

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when they were with me. They
were they were, we were together connected

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and a lot of times usually there
was also your touching when you when you

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talk with someone in Brazil, there's
the there's a physical piece to communicating as

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well, which is also just beautiful
for me. But that's where I learned

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a lot about the importance and the
brilliance and the beauty of relational energy.

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So I really appreciate what we're talking
about, and I see just how distinguishing

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it. It's superpower is a great
word for it. And you, of

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course, being you developed these four
pillars. So let's talk about each one

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of those so our listeners and viewers
can get as to them. The first

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one, as you say, is
self worth, So talk talk to us

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about that one. Oh, this
has made me my favorite, favorite one

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of all of them, because it
really is the foundation for for everything.

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So it's when when someone says they're
lonely, what they're really saying is that

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I don't believe I'm worthy of love
and connection m And that just hit me.

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When I realized that, it just
hit me so deep because that felt

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like truth to me. That was
I just I realized that my own loland

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is my own disconnection, was a
lack of self worth. I didn't believe

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I was worthy, so I behaved
like I wasn't worthy, and so I

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would sometimes even exclude myself right because
I didn't believe I was worthy. So

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it's it's it's crue usual to understand
our own worth, to discover our worth.

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And I think that unworthiness is perhaps
the epidemic on our planet. I

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mean, how we live in a
world of feeling not enough, right,

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Like, how how many of us
really feel that love, you know,

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really love ourselves unconditionally. So I
think that that's the first step, the

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very first step in connecting with other
people is to connect with ourselves first.

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And yeah, so so I so
what what I teach people is to working

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on that connection with ourselves, And
the first thing to work on is grounding

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ourselves. Being grounded and being connected
are are so interlate and especially in this

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world and even before the pandemic,
you know, we are bombarded with news,

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with fake news, with information,
with opinions. It's constant and never

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ending, right, And also we've
been taught to look outside of ourselves for

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happiness, raising for careers and money
and social status. So being grounded is

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harder than ever. And I think
that's a big part of this whole loneliness

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epidemic. Okay, got it?
So self worth is the first pillar.

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Yeah, the second one, of
course is where I of course got to

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also chime in the contribution, and
I of course want to explore it,

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as we talked about together on the
phone, how it's connected to purpose exactly,

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because one of our basic human needs
is to give of ourselves. It's

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to contribute. It makes us feel
when we give, it makes us feel

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like we matter, It gives us
purpose. Right, So it's exactly what

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you're talking about. And and but
in our society today, what we see

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and what I also realize and I
have to like catch myself often, is

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that we tend to value personal achievement
higher than contribution, right and and and

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so I have to be mindful of
what I teaching my kids as well.

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But a way that we can contribute
more, all of us, all of

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us can contribute more and feel like
we matter. It is to to own

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our expertise and to share what matters
to us. Right And by speaking up

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because we need, we need to
hear your voice, We need to We

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all have something to get, we
all have something to contribute. But part

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of contribution is also allowing ourselves to
receive. And that's something that I didn't

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realize before because I so I was
so my whole my whole being was about

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achieving, right, collecting degrees and
titles and whatnot, and people into my

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life, and I didn't realize how
important it is, and I didn't feel

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worthy enough to receive. But receiving
is a contribution is really it's really two

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sides of it. Right. So
if we can't feel that we matter and

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it doesn't give us that pleasure,
if the other person isn't allowing us to

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give to them, right, so
we also have to be open to receiving

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and by doing that, we're actually
giving the other person a gift, giving

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them the gift of showing them that
they matter and that they are important.

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Beautiful. I want to cover the
last two really quick before we go to

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the next segment. So you have
trust. Next, talk about trust.

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Yeah, let's talk about trust.
Trust, It's so important. Trust is

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really essential to connection. Without trust, we live in a constant state of

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vigilance, which creates again a lot
of anxiety and stress. Trust is really

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the glue that holds our society to
get together, right, And we see

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that trust is low in our world
today in general. We see this with

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all the you know the riot on
on January six this year, you know

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the Yellow vest movement in France.
You know, people being drawn to conspiracy

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theories and extremism. That is that
is a consequent of trust and lack of

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trust and trust also fuels loneliness and
loneliness fuels distrust. So it's really important

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that we all think about how we
can increase trust by being ourselves, by

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taking responsibility for our acts. And
we also need our leaders right to take

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responsibility for their acts and apologize and
you know, have be more clear,

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be more transparent, and so and
so. That's how trust is an important

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part of this whole equation. Wow, Okay, that's just there's just all

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kinds of things for us to go
into there. But let's get relationship last.

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Is that the last one? Okay? Yes? And we we we

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actually talked quite a lot about relationship
because it is really what I mean when

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I when I when I say relational
energy. It's really cultivating relationships. But

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I'm happy to talk more about how
to do that, how we can create

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more cultivate relationship and also create more
relational energy and and so and so it

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really is about being intentional intentional in
our connections with people. What is what

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is the what is the reason we
bring people together? What is the reason

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beyond maybe the fact that it's a
birthday party or or Chris or New Year's

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right, beyond those occations, what
is our intention? And can we also

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create some sort of purpose, specific
purpose that is unique to that meeting,

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that cultivates relational energy in our relationships. That's gorgeous. Okay, we'll wait

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a way to finish that segment.
Thank you, my dear for that.

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I'm your host. We've got on
the air with Uni Grantini. She is

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an author, speaker, and a
facilitator on a mission to restore trust and

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00:32:32.319 --> 00:32:37.359
leadership and cultivate a culture of connection. We've been talking a bit about her

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00:32:37.440 --> 00:32:40.359
solution, which is cultivating relational energy
after work. We're going to hear more

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about how her lens and focus is
manifesting in the work she's doing today.

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00:32:44.799 --> 00:32:47.519
Stay with us, We'll be right
back. Doctor Release Cortez is a management

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00:32:47.559 --> 00:32:53.839
consultant specializing in meaning and purpose and
inspirational speaker and author. She helps companies

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00:32:53.960 --> 00:33:01.079
visioneer for greater purpose among stakeholders and
develop purpose inspired leadership and meaning infused cultures

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00:33:01.119 --> 00:33:07.839
that elevate fulfillment, performance, and
commitment within the workforce. To learn more

390
00:33:07.160 --> 00:33:10.839
or to invite a lease to speak
to your organization, please visit her at

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00:33:10.880 --> 00:33:15.480
Elise Cortez dot com. Let's talk
about how to get your employees working on

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00:33:15.519 --> 00:33:28.000
purpose. This is working on Purpose
with doctor Elise Cortez. To reach our

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00:33:28.039 --> 00:33:32.720
program today or open a conversation with
Elise, send an email to Elise ali

394
00:33:32.920 --> 00:33:40.960
Se at Elise Cortez dot com.
Now back to working on Purpose. Thanks

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00:33:42.000 --> 00:33:44.640
for staying with us, and welcome
back to working on Purpose. One other

396
00:33:44.680 --> 00:33:46.920
bit of news announces that I have
to share with you is that my anthology

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00:33:47.039 --> 00:33:51.400
that I've been curated the last two
years has just been released. It's a

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00:33:51.400 --> 00:33:54.359
collection of twenty five stories from women
across the globe Corse sharing their intimate details

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00:33:54.440 --> 00:33:58.880
about finding their purpose that what they're
now doing to serve from it. It's

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00:33:58.920 --> 00:34:01.519
called Passionately Striving Why, an anthology
of women who personally remindily to live their

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00:34:01.599 --> 00:34:06.480
purpose. And I'm so proud of
it I could bust. It's on Amazon

402
00:34:06.559 --> 00:34:08.599
for you if you're just joining us. My guest is we need to Rattini,

403
00:34:08.679 --> 00:34:12.480
who is an author, speaker,
and facilitator on a mission to restore

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00:34:12.559 --> 00:34:15.280
trust in leadership and cultivate a culture
of connection. She is the author of

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00:34:15.360 --> 00:34:20.559
Betraying the Noble, The secrets and
corruption behind the Noble Peace Prize, and

406
00:34:20.639 --> 00:34:22.840
also the Mystery of the Lone Wolf
Killer. I'm your host, Doctor Lee's

407
00:34:22.880 --> 00:34:27.400
Cortez. So for this last segment
with you, I want to dive into

408
00:34:27.440 --> 00:34:31.760
what it's so great you know when
you find that thing that makes you realize

409
00:34:31.760 --> 00:34:36.000
I have something to give the world
to from this space, which is what

410
00:34:36.039 --> 00:34:38.320
you've done. It's amazing the creativity
deck had happened. So you, my

411
00:34:38.400 --> 00:34:43.800
dear, have been honored a crazy
role in tear. So I want to

412
00:34:43.840 --> 00:34:49.599
first talk about they're launching this new
program for high achieving women. So what's

413
00:34:49.719 --> 00:34:52.400
up with that? Why is that
important to you? Where's it going?

414
00:34:52.000 --> 00:35:00.400
Oh? My goodness, that is
a result of my own struggle with self

415
00:35:00.400 --> 00:35:05.119
worth, which you know is linked
to the wollness and disconnection that I that

416
00:35:05.239 --> 00:35:09.719
I had for so many years and
trying to to to fill my life with

417
00:35:09.760 --> 00:35:16.440
accomplishments and overachieving and overworking and working
myself to exhaustion and burnout and whatnot.

418
00:35:17.119 --> 00:35:24.360
And how I see this in so
many women around me, and and I

419
00:35:24.480 --> 00:35:29.000
felt the need. I knew that
I could help, and so I decided

420
00:35:29.039 --> 00:35:32.159
to create this program because I want
to help more women. I want to

421
00:35:32.639 --> 00:35:37.280
do this in also in a group, because when we are we need women

422
00:35:37.400 --> 00:35:44.599
need community with other women. So
that's part of it and true, so

423
00:35:44.639 --> 00:35:50.159
true, right, and and it's
so it's it's amazing because I speak to

424
00:35:50.199 --> 00:35:54.639
women all the time, how about
their struggles and how they struggle to balance

425
00:35:54.760 --> 00:35:59.880
work and family, for example,
and to to have a career and to

426
00:36:00.400 --> 00:36:06.239
follow through on their dreams and their
ambitions, and it's it's so hard,

427
00:36:06.360 --> 00:36:10.000
it's so frustrating, and they're frustrated
because they feel that something has to give.

428
00:36:10.239 --> 00:36:15.239
And most of the time they give
up on their careers, you know,

429
00:36:15.280 --> 00:36:19.480
they end up, you know,
settling doing something that maybe it's less

430
00:36:19.519 --> 00:36:23.679
interesting to them so that they can
be there, you know, more for

431
00:36:23.719 --> 00:36:29.480
their family, and and they end
up giving up on themselves, which I

432
00:36:29.480 --> 00:36:35.920
think is so sad, and I
want all right, I want to prevent

433
00:36:35.960 --> 00:36:39.079
that from from from happening, and
too, because there is a different way

434
00:36:39.119 --> 00:36:45.239
of living, There is a different
but it starts by reconnecting with ourselves and

435
00:36:45.360 --> 00:36:52.480
discovering what are true worth is right, and then owning that worth and owning

436
00:36:52.519 --> 00:36:59.079
our power because women are so powerful
but we don't know it. So so

437
00:36:59.079 --> 00:37:01.639
so very true. I work with
lots of people, men and women,

438
00:37:01.679 --> 00:37:06.840
and when I see a woman and
she starts to rerealize or reconnect to her

439
00:37:06.880 --> 00:37:10.039
power. It's the most amazing thing. Okay. So one of the other

440
00:37:10.079 --> 00:37:13.159
things that you told me that you
were working I wish I think is just

441
00:37:13.199 --> 00:37:16.719
extraordinary is you've got a project you're
working on in association with the public Mental

442
00:37:16.719 --> 00:37:21.920
Health and eating Disorders in Norway.
Oh my gosh, what in the world

443
00:37:22.000 --> 00:37:23.599
is that? What is that about? What do you hope to accomplish?

444
00:37:23.719 --> 00:37:30.679
Oh, that is a project.
We're working on it we will launch beginning

445
00:37:30.679 --> 00:37:36.880
of next year. And this is
really because there is such a link between

446
00:37:37.079 --> 00:37:46.119
all eating disorders, including anorexia,
bulimia and binge eating and loneliness right and

447
00:37:46.199 --> 00:37:52.880
then feed literally right right, And
there's a lot of the same symptoms.

448
00:37:52.920 --> 00:37:58.079
So someone with an eating disorder typically
feels like, you know, they don't

449
00:37:58.079 --> 00:38:04.079
love themselves, they value themselves,
They beat themselves, you know, up,

450
00:38:04.599 --> 00:38:07.519
just like just like people who are
lonelying, just like all these you

451
00:38:07.559 --> 00:38:10.119
know, also these you know,
overachieving and high achieving women do as well.

452
00:38:10.920 --> 00:38:15.840
And there's so there's such a link. And and the the fact that

453
00:38:16.400 --> 00:38:27.760
these the negative emotions that that results
from the loneliness fuels the eating disorder symptoms

454
00:38:27.880 --> 00:38:34.960
as well, and and and vice
versa. So it's extremely important to understand

455
00:38:36.159 --> 00:38:40.840
loneliness and to deal with the loneliness
in order to deal with the eating disorder.

456
00:38:42.480 --> 00:38:45.840
That's so interesting. I've had friends, many friends who have had major

457
00:38:45.840 --> 00:38:47.760
eating disorders that have helped them with
I'm not that I can I'm not.

458
00:38:47.840 --> 00:38:51.199
I mean I should say, I
should say supported them while they were going

459
00:38:51.199 --> 00:38:52.880
through it. I can't. I
don't treat that myself. But yeah,

460
00:38:52.920 --> 00:38:58.440
I can see the loneliness piece under
that exactly. So that's what we're going

461
00:38:58.519 --> 00:39:02.360
to do in in collaboration where I
come in and talk about the loneliness and

462
00:39:02.480 --> 00:39:06.159
you know, so there will be
sort of workshop, will workshop, this,

463
00:39:06.719 --> 00:39:08.960
this will, this will be a
program that will go over a year

464
00:39:09.519 --> 00:39:13.920
to start with, and then we'll
see where it goes from there. But

465
00:39:13.960 --> 00:39:19.199
I think it's it's it's so interesting, and so I'm so happy that the

466
00:39:19.239 --> 00:39:25.559
Norwegian government state is taking loneliness,
is beginning to take lolaness seriously also an

467
00:39:25.639 --> 00:39:30.199
ultim mental illness. I think,
you know, we are haven't even seen

468
00:39:31.360 --> 00:39:38.039
anything yet of what this pandemic is
going to fall out your mental health,

469
00:39:38.239 --> 00:39:44.360
right, And although it was necessary, I'm not saying that all the precautions,

470
00:39:44.400 --> 00:39:46.719
all the you know, the measures
were not necessary, but it will

471
00:39:46.760 --> 00:39:52.639
have an effect on how we function
in society. Well, talk about,

472
00:39:52.679 --> 00:39:54.840
you know, in terms of this
project that you're up to, and talk

473
00:39:54.880 --> 00:39:59.880
about contribution, making an impact,
making a difference, giving your gift.

474
00:40:00.280 --> 00:40:02.280
So what are the things that I
know being being a local therapist is that

475
00:40:02.320 --> 00:40:06.719
when we give of ourselves, when
we serve other people, then we get

476
00:40:06.719 --> 00:40:10.719
into self transcendence. That is the
space that gives us the feeling of fulfillment

477
00:40:12.079 --> 00:40:15.679
that you're talking about. So talk
about you know, contribution on your part

478
00:40:15.719 --> 00:40:16.920
to be part of this. And
I can't even imagine the amazing people that

479
00:40:16.920 --> 00:40:21.519
you're working with on this project.
Yeah, no, absolutely, you know,

480
00:40:21.559 --> 00:40:27.239
out of this world. And I
feel so grateful and it's so privileged

481
00:40:27.440 --> 00:40:31.440
to be able to do this and
be able to hopefully help so many people,

482
00:40:31.599 --> 00:40:35.719
and and hopefully also we can take
this abroad, you know, take

483
00:40:35.760 --> 00:40:42.320
this outside of Norway and and and
experiment with with with you know, dealing

484
00:40:42.320 --> 00:40:45.199
with different aspects of our mental health. You know, yeah, yeah,

485
00:40:45.239 --> 00:40:47.960
yeah, in connection. Okay,
awesome, that is so amazing. Talk

486
00:40:49.000 --> 00:40:52.679
about being up to something, my
dear, And then wait, there's more.

487
00:40:52.480 --> 00:40:55.920
You told me that you're also launching
this new class called why balancing work

488
00:40:55.920 --> 00:41:00.679
and family is so dang hard and
what to do instead? Oh, yes,

489
00:41:00.800 --> 00:41:06.880
yes, and when is that coming
out? So actually that is I

490
00:41:06.960 --> 00:41:12.960
had a class that's actually a free
masterclass that I'm doing just you know,

491
00:41:13.079 --> 00:41:15.719
because I want to help as many
people as I can. So there is

492
00:41:15.760 --> 00:41:20.199
a class actually that will be on
Tuesday next week. That will be my

493
00:41:20.280 --> 00:41:25.239
last class in the series for now
anyway, And and you know, and

494
00:41:25.400 --> 00:41:30.079
for any listeners who would like to
join that class, feel free. You

495
00:41:30.079 --> 00:41:35.480
can go to my website and sign
up for it or any of my social

496
00:41:35.480 --> 00:41:38.000
media. I am the only person
in the world with my name. I

497
00:41:38.039 --> 00:41:44.679
have a very weird name, unusual
name, so so you can you can

498
00:41:44.679 --> 00:41:49.079
find it and sign up, and
it will be next Tuesday. So that

499
00:41:49.239 --> 00:41:55.199
is really where I'm taking five of
the most frequent frustrations, challenges and browning

500
00:41:55.280 --> 00:42:01.119
questions that I hear from women from
all over the world about balance and trying

501
00:42:01.159 --> 00:42:07.840
to balance work and family and and
and and feeling so frustrated. And then

502
00:42:07.960 --> 00:42:13.079
what I will do. I will
take those five challenges frustrations, and I

503
00:42:13.079 --> 00:42:15.760
will deal with them one by one
and teach on what we can do instead,

504
00:42:16.000 --> 00:42:19.159
how we can what we can do, say, so we don't have

505
00:42:19.239 --> 00:42:22.000
to try to balance, right,
because I mean balancing If you think about

506
00:42:22.039 --> 00:42:27.679
it, you know, your work
need you one hundred percent, your family

507
00:42:28.119 --> 00:42:32.000
needs you one hundred percent. How
do you balance that? I haven't found

508
00:42:32.760 --> 00:42:37.360
any way to balance that. So
there's but there's something else that we can

509
00:42:37.360 --> 00:42:42.760
do instead, and that has to
do with with with owning our self worth

510
00:42:42.840 --> 00:42:46.400
and knowing what we are worth,
and setting boundaries and and a lot of

511
00:42:46.440 --> 00:42:51.000
the same things actually that we deal
with with loneliness. It's just a different

512
00:42:51.039 --> 00:42:55.119
aspect of it, and you know, a little different methods. But okay,

513
00:42:55.119 --> 00:42:57.880
oh I gotta, I gotta,
I gotta, we gotta, we

514
00:42:57.920 --> 00:43:00.239
gotta treat this. So what you're
talking about it so important about this?

515
00:43:00.320 --> 00:43:04.440
If why balancing work and family is
so dang hard, what to do instead?

516
00:43:04.480 --> 00:43:07.000
So here is what I've been saying
and coming to is that the pandemic

517
00:43:07.039 --> 00:43:10.760
in many ways has really ushered in
what I would call a workforce strike.

518
00:43:12.400 --> 00:43:15.440
The workforce has said I'm not going
to tolerate this stuff anymore. I'm not

519
00:43:15.440 --> 00:43:17.639
going to go work for low wages
and get exposed to COVID. I'm just

520
00:43:17.679 --> 00:43:20.440
not going to do that. I'm
just going to quit my job and I'm

521
00:43:20.440 --> 00:43:22.960
going to go or I'm not going
to work overwhelming crazy hours anymore. I'm

522
00:43:23.000 --> 00:43:25.719
just going to quit my job and
go. So, now, if we

523
00:43:25.840 --> 00:43:30.559
take this notion of this family piece
as far as if I have this right,

524
00:43:30.199 --> 00:43:34.559
I'm pretty sure only women can bring
children in the world, at least

525
00:43:34.679 --> 00:43:37.039
currently. So, but you know, if it needs to be done right,

526
00:43:37.039 --> 00:43:39.360
so we've got to find a way
to be able to make this more

527
00:43:42.239 --> 00:43:45.679
available for women to be able to
have a career but also still be able

528
00:43:45.679 --> 00:43:47.840
to have a family. And so
just today, I'm having a conversation with

529
00:43:47.880 --> 00:43:52.079
a woman that I'm working with that
i'm doing some coaching with, and she's

530
00:43:52.159 --> 00:43:54.519
pushing back on her on her boss
and employer because they're saying, hey,

531
00:43:54.880 --> 00:43:58.079
you want to navigate your career.
If you're going to have your career,

532
00:43:58.119 --> 00:44:00.119
you have to travel. You've got
to be on the road. And she

533
00:44:00.199 --> 00:44:02.480
has a very young child and she
wants to have another child, and she

534
00:44:02.559 --> 00:44:07.000
said no, they said, you
should get a nanny. You should go

535
00:44:07.000 --> 00:44:08.559
ahead, and you know, get
help in your house, get your mom

536
00:44:08.559 --> 00:44:12.320
to come over and help you,
and she's like, no, I don't

537
00:44:12.320 --> 00:44:15.159
want to do it on those terms. I don't want to be a I

538
00:44:15.199 --> 00:44:16.599
do not want to be a parent
on those terms. They do not want

539
00:44:16.639 --> 00:44:22.440
to source outsource my parenthood to these
other parties. While I'm on the road

540
00:44:22.480 --> 00:44:23.880
for you. I will travel some
for you, but this is not going

541
00:44:23.920 --> 00:44:28.519
to be the big two and three
three week trip thing. So I think

542
00:44:28.519 --> 00:44:31.159
there's a real opportunity for more women, you know, to be able to

543
00:44:31.239 --> 00:44:35.679
push back on this stuff that's said
that is required of them in order to

544
00:44:35.760 --> 00:44:39.320
develop their careers because they want to
actually be available for their children. I

545
00:44:39.480 --> 00:44:43.840
chose to work for myself starting in
two thousand and three when I had my

546
00:44:43.920 --> 00:44:45.280
child, said I would have more
control over my life and my schedule.

547
00:44:45.760 --> 00:44:50.840
So I think what you're doing is
so so critical. In fact, you

548
00:44:50.880 --> 00:44:53.000
know, is a necessary movement in
the world right now. More women are

549
00:44:53.079 --> 00:44:55.519
dropping out of the workforce because they
get to the place where they say,

550
00:44:55.519 --> 00:45:00.719
I just call uncle, I quit. Yeah, right, absolutely absolutely,

551
00:45:00.119 --> 00:45:07.280
And it's important that people continue with
their work and and and have careers and

552
00:45:07.280 --> 00:45:14.559
and and live their purpose right and
also for for their for their own sanity

553
00:45:14.599 --> 00:45:19.800
first of all, and also for
their for their financial independence, and absolutely

554
00:45:19.880 --> 00:45:22.880
right, it's it's part of it's
part of it's part of our movement right

555
00:45:23.039 --> 00:45:30.840
to be free, independent, equal
uh humans. Right, So so it

556
00:45:30.880 --> 00:45:34.480
is, it is part and I
think it has it. There's there's something

557
00:45:34.519 --> 00:45:40.119
for working smarter and also there is
something to be said for setting an example,

558
00:45:40.199 --> 00:45:45.320
also being role models for for the
younger generations, for for for for

559
00:45:45.400 --> 00:45:52.280
younger women all over the world,
and and setting in setting boundaries and being

560
00:45:52.480 --> 00:45:55.400
owning you know what, what's what
is ours to take on and what is

561
00:45:55.480 --> 00:46:04.559
not right and and showing our are
our children, that we no longer sacrifice

562
00:46:04.679 --> 00:46:13.400
ourselves for anyone. We put ourselves
first. That priority list needs to be

563
00:46:13.440 --> 00:46:19.400
turned around because usually women, we
as we tend to be the nurturers,

564
00:46:19.440 --> 00:46:22.519
we tend to be the you know, the caretakers, and we are the

565
00:46:22.599 --> 00:46:27.440
last person on our priority lists.
And that needs to change. It needs

566
00:46:27.480 --> 00:46:30.239
to be we need to be first, because we're not serving our children or

567
00:46:30.280 --> 00:46:38.039
anyone by by being last and sacrificing
ourselves and showing that exhaustion and sacrifice is

568
00:46:38.360 --> 00:46:42.239
what we is, what we is, what we show. Right, and

569
00:46:42.320 --> 00:46:45.079
put your oxygen masks on first,
right, and put our own mask on

570
00:46:45.079 --> 00:46:49.280
first, and then we can care
for somebody else. So uni we've managed

571
00:46:49.280 --> 00:46:51.440
already to come at the end of
the show. It's amazing how fast it

572
00:46:51.480 --> 00:46:54.760
goes right. So you know,
the show is listened to by people all

573
00:46:54.760 --> 00:46:58.320
over the world. And the whole
idea is to be able to help create

574
00:46:58.360 --> 00:47:00.159
a workplace where people actually want to
come to work and try and do their

575
00:47:00.159 --> 00:47:04.119
best when we do business that betters
the world. What would you like to

576
00:47:04.159 --> 00:47:07.320
leave our listeners with today? Oh, there's so many things, but I'm

577
00:47:07.320 --> 00:47:12.039
gonna keep it simple. So it's
all then it's all about relational energy.

578
00:47:12.320 --> 00:47:17.599
It's it's about listening more, asking
questions, really listening, also to the

579
00:47:17.679 --> 00:47:27.360
nonverbal communication going on care showing that
you care. And I love the example

580
00:47:27.400 --> 00:47:32.119
of remembering someone's name, even if
there's there's a colleague that you don't know

581
00:47:32.239 --> 00:47:37.679
very well, but ask them,
what's your name? Like, what do

582
00:47:37.719 --> 00:47:40.599
you like? Know something about them? And they're something in their personal life

583
00:47:40.639 --> 00:47:44.800
that you can pick up on and
ask them and make them feel seen,

584
00:47:44.920 --> 00:47:49.119
heard and valued. I think that
is the most important thing that we can

585
00:47:49.199 --> 00:47:52.280
do for our work environment. Wonderful
and it's so great to have you annoying

586
00:47:52.559 --> 00:47:55.400
and to be connected to you.
So thank you for being on the show.

587
00:47:55.440 --> 00:47:59.079
I'm sharing your heart, your soul, your message. It's beautiful.

588
00:47:59.159 --> 00:48:01.280
Thank you, Thank you so much
for having me at least, it's been

589
00:48:01.320 --> 00:48:05.280
a pleasure. You're so welcome.
Listeners and viewers. If you want to

590
00:48:05.360 --> 00:48:07.440
learn more about Uni to Rattine her
work, courses or books, you can

591
00:48:07.519 --> 00:48:10.519
visit her website. It's Uni to
Rattini. Let me spell that for you.

592
00:48:10.880 --> 00:48:16.039
It's you N N I t U
r r E t t i n

593
00:48:16.360 --> 00:48:20.760
dot com. Unit rattini dot com. Last week, if you miss the

594
00:48:20.760 --> 00:48:22.440
live show, you goes catch it
be recorded podcast. We're on the air

595
00:48:22.440 --> 00:48:28.400
with Dalton Debakeran and Stephie Sonny Debakern, founders of Ethne, a nonprofit organization

596
00:48:28.440 --> 00:48:31.920
empowering vulnerable women and children across the
world. We enjoyed a most inspiring conversation

597
00:48:31.960 --> 00:48:36.880
about how the organization and its purpose
were born in the amazing work they're doing

598
00:48:36.880 --> 00:48:39.880
to lift lives across the planet.
Two young people with also two full time

599
00:48:39.960 --> 00:48:44.079
jobs on the site as well.
By the way, next week, we'll

600
00:48:44.079 --> 00:48:47.000
be on the air with Simon Mainwaring
talking about his latest lead with We the

601
00:48:47.039 --> 00:48:52.000
business revolution that will save our future. I promise it will be extremely interesting,

602
00:48:52.079 --> 00:48:53.920
educational, and inspiring. See you
there. Remember that works at least

603
00:48:53.920 --> 00:48:59.559
a third of life. So let's
work on purpose. We hope you've enjoyed

604
00:48:59.559 --> 00:49:02.800
this week's program. Be sure to
tune in too, Working on Purpose featuring

605
00:49:02.840 --> 00:49:07.639
your host, doctor Elise Cortez,
each week on the Voice America Empowerment Channel.

606
00:49:08.280 --> 00:49:15.880
Together, we'll create a world where
business operates conscientiously. Leadership inspires impassioned

607
00:49:15.880 --> 00:49:20.800
performance, and employees are fulfilled in
work that provides the meaning and purpose they

608
00:49:20.920 --> 00:49:23.599
crave. See you there, Let's
work on purpose.