Emotional Intelligence and Restorative Juvenile Justice

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There are some people that make their
work just another thing they have to do,

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and there are those that make their
work something that they want to do.

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Welcome to Working on Purpose with your
host Elise Cortez. In our program,

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we provide guidance and inspiration from those
people who have found deeper meaning and

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personal connection to their work life.
It's beyond nine to five, it's working

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on Purpose. Now Here is your
host, Elise Cortez. Welcome back to

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the Working on Purpose Show. Thanks
for tuning in again this week. I'm

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your host, Elise Cortez, joining
you live from Dallas, Texas, which

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is home base for me. If
you've been tuning in for a while,

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you know this program is all about
helping people create more meaningful and productive personal

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and work lives and equipping leaders,
insight organizations to cultivate meaning and purpose that

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elicits passion inspired contribution, innovation,
and persevering performance. I talk with my

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guest to draw their experience and expertise
and share my own consulting, speaking and

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developing workforces across the globe. Every
week. In these conversations, I hope

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you walk away with something you can
immediately put to use in your life and

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that you come alive with the possibility
of living with passion, working on purpose,

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and are inspired to discover for yourself
just how big and fulfilling your life,

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work and leadership can be. And
if you do catch fire from anything

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you hear, reach out and tell
me about it. Email me at a

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lease at a least Cortez dot com, or use the contact me feature on

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my website to message me and tell
me how I can help. Whether you

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want to join the distribution list to
stay informed, or these radio show topics

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you want to see about joining a
catch fire online inspiration, accountability or mastermind

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community. You want information on my
purpose driven leadership programs for individuals or companies,

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or you want to see by me
speaking for you at your company or

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a conference. Either way, I'm
glad we're connected, and thanks for listening.

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Now onto this week's program with us
today is doctor Trillion Small. She's

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the CEO of Attachment Leadership, a
counseling, consulting and coaching company providing custom

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of my wellness and leadership development programs, emotional intelligence, corporate training on youth

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development curriculum. She is also the
founder of Prepare Academy, which has a

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primary initiative focus of mental health and
restorative juvenile justice. She used the author

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of five books as well, and
joins today from Dallas, Texas. Doctor

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Small, welcome to Working on Purpose. Thank you so much. It's such

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a pleasure to be here. Thank
you so much for having me. Oh,

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I'm so excited about this conversation.
I can hardly stand it. And

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first let me thank our mutual friend, Henda Salmroan for bringing us together.

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Thank you out in the community.
And when she heard you talk, she

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said, you must talk with my
friend Eli's Cortez. And I'm so glad

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she sent you to me. So
I'm so grateful. Yeah, and you

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know you are up to so many
great things. I'm so impressed, and

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we'll talk about at least a few
of them on this program. But one

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of the things when I think about
you, that I would narrow down I'm

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boiled down as a core focus,
is you just seem to have this urgent

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desire to change the heart and minded
people in some positive way. So I

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want to understand and where did this
fire come from? And why are you

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so rivet on helping people across the
world solve this problem? Honestly, my

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passion for this whole mission of helping
transform people's hearts and transforming their minds actually

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came from my own personal struggles.
And so if I was to say,

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my purpose actually has been fueled by
my pain. And so I was raised

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in a domestic, violent household,
and so I witness a witnessed pain growing

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up. And then I transferred that
that experience I'd had as a child,

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and it really affected the way that
I felt about myself, and it affected

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the way that I felt about other
people, specifically men. And as I

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grew older, although I left that
traumatic experience as a child, that pain

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never left me. I carried it
with me in my heart and in my

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mind. And so I wrestled with
PTSD, and I struggle with anxiety,

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and I struggle with depression, and
of course I am in the mental health

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arena, and partly so the reason
why I really got into this field,

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Yes, because I enjoy helping people, but I also was trying to figure

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out what in the world is wrong
with me. I say, it was,

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what is your problem? Why are
your emotions all over the place?

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You need to figure this out?
And so I did, and of course

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I haven't mastered at all, yes, I do have a doctorate, but

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I do believe in continuing to grow. And I discovered that I find the

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greatest satisfaction when I can turn back
around and look at my clients, or

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look at my students, or just
look at my friends and family and say,

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hey, guys, I found a
solution to this, or hey,

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this worked for me. And I
struggle with the exact same thing that you

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struggle with. And so for me, that's where my passion came from.

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I said, I want to help
people change their hearts and change their minds.

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And the reason I believe, or
the reason why I have such a

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greater passion is I believe the health
and the wealth of our society is truly

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contingent upon the health and the wealth
of our mindsets of those actually living in

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the communities. I believe it's completely
impossible to have a healthy community if the

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people in it are not healthy themselves, because you know, basically, you

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cannot reproduce what you are not.
So yeah, that's that's where my passion

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came from. Okay, two things
to that trillion. This is so beautiful.

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And for our listeners who have reached
out to me and said at least

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I don't. How do I start
looking for my purpose? How do I

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discover it? One of the things
that I tell them is exactly just what

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you said in It's the same for
me too, trillion. When we look

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at our own lives and we try
desperately to figure out how to solve our

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own urgent problems. In so doing, we can get access to our purpose

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and help others along the way,
just as you're doing. And that's what

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I'm doing too. I mean,
I was one of the walking dead.

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I've been there, done that,
got the T shirt and the very empty

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life that comes with it, and
that's a big reason that I'm doing the

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work that I'm doing today. So
thank you for being that tremendous example.

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And then yeah, and then secondly, I just would love your perspective as

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a professional working in this space and
all these years of investigating what's going on

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in the world that you believe so
contributes to the problems that you're trying to

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address, to that you're trying to
improve the conditions of I love that question.

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I was actually just teaching my students
last night about fear, and you

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know, just hearing that question,
I really would say it's fear. If

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I was to boil down the issues, and I know that's you know,

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that's pretty pretty grandialls to narrow down
to one thing, but I would say

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the number one contributing factor is and
the culprit of fear is stress. And

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so if I was to go into
my my neurological perspective for a second,

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stress triggers our fear system, which
is our limbic system and our brain,

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and it tells us that we need
to either fight whatever is present, whatever

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is presenting as a danger, or
we need to run from it. And

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whenever we experience a fight or flight, our brains, our brains are basically

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telling us there is something in front
of you, real or perceived. So

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when I say in front of you
doesn't even mean you are looking at it.

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You can eat, you can be
imagining, imagining it. And so

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it's your brain telling you, hey, we are under a tech, real

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or perceived. You need to fight
this thing or you need to run from

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this thing. And just think about
it for a minute. Just from our

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own experience is when we experience stress
or when we are afraid, oftentimes we

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can find ourselves very angry, very
irritated, very agitated. We can be

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a little bit snappy at people and
even the people that we love, and

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we can be very defensive. And
so in the world, I see a

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lot of back and forth, irritation
and a lot of agitation, a lot

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of anger going back and forth.
And if you were to really look at

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and dissect what is going on,
I would say it's probably fear. And

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if we dealt with the fear,
I believe that some of the stresses that

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we are experiencing in the world,
maybe it would subside, or maybe would

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at least decrease. I potentially believe
what a great opening for us to have

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trillion if you can boil it down
to that. To me, the beauty

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of that is now you've given us
access, because now we can name it.

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Now we can get to it.
If it's just a jumble and we

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don't know what we don't know,
I don't see how we can start to

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work on it. So I think
the simplicity what you just gave us is

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beautiful. Thank you, Yes,
you're welcome. And so oftentimes I think

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we don't we don't like to label
it as fear because we don't you know,

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you're not necessarily you don't want to
be fearful, but our brains,

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our primitive brains are wired to for
survival's sake. And that's how our brains

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so that we can survive, so
that we are not eaten by a bear

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or a lion or tiger, whatever
the case may be. But even when

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in the face of somebody rejecting you, right, your brain can perceive that

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as a threat or your voice is
not heard. A lot of times we're

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seeing that now in our world.
It's my voice is not heard or I'm

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not being seen, which then produces
a trigger and our primitive brain that says,

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oh my gosh, we're in danger. We need to fight back.

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And I think that's why we see
a lot of tension in the world.

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And listeners for your benefit, if
you don't know this about about doctor Small,

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she has a PhD in clinical account
link, so she's speaking not just

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from a place of being educated,
but also her practice. So thank you,

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thank you for that. And again, I just I can recognize immediately

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in my life trillion this the places
where I've either gone to flight or fight.

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I get that. I understand that. Well, let's move on to

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the work that you do within your
company. Called attachment leadership. So first

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I got I think a name is
always really interesting and important. Why do

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you call your company attachment leadership?
There must be a story there. Yes,

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absolutely, I like to be pretty
intentional with the things that I do,

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and so attachment leadership basically came from
my own theory of practice and counseling.

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So I am a systemic therapist,
which simply means I see problems even

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if an individual is standing in front
of me. I see problems from a

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system's point of view. So we
thrive. We thrive based on the health

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of our connections with other people and
attachment basically the whole, the whole theory

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of attachment or connection. You can
use that word as well. It will

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outed by a gentleman named John Bolby
a way back in the nineteen sixteen nineteen

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sixties. Rather, he was a
pioneering psychoan analyst, and he basically really

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helped us to see the basic need
that we had was to attach to our

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primary caregiver. And at the time
it was just basically having that primary connection

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with your mother. Yes, fathers
are important, but in their studies they

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focused on the mother to child relationship
and they discovered that those children who had

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a healthy attachment with their mothers naturally
grew to be healthy adults emotionally, mentally,

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relationally, and so attachment leadership really
just came from that premise. Although

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there are a lot of complexities in
life, I do believe when it comes

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to relationships, we can simplify things, and I believe we have three basic

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needs. One is to be seen, like see me whenever I'm talking.

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Right, you want to be like
when you're talking to somebody, you want

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them to look look at you.
It's don't don't look off to the far

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left, don't look off to the
far right. Gaze in my eyes while

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I'm speaking with you. That lets
me know that you see me and that

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you're present with me. The second
one is to hear me, Like let

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me know that my voice didn't fall
on a deaf ear. Let let me

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know that my voice matters to you
and that you are attentive to it,

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and that you plan on doing something
with the words that I have said to

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you. So let's the second one, hear them. And then the third

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one is to connect or to be
attached to a person. And we all

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have a need to have a sense
of belonging, even though the most introverted

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person still has the innate need to
be connected to a person. And so

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I said, hey, what would
it be like not if you're not if

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the employer became the mother or the
father. That's not what I'm saying.

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It's simply take these basic primitive needs, which is to be attached to another

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individual in a healthy way. Take
those primitive needs and utilize them to help

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to help create a cohesive atmosphere at
work. So it's are you seeing your

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employees like do do you even know
their love language? Do they need words

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of affirmation? I was working with
one company and one of the issues that

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employees were having was they said,
our boss saysn't you know, applaudius enough

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now? And they weren't even asking
for, you know, praise because I

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showed up early. Of course that's
expected, but it's when they did when

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I did a job well done,
they said, he didn't say wow,

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that was great. And basically what
she was saying was my love language is

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words of affirmation. Now, how
he known that? He would have said,

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hey, Susie, that's not her
name, but hey Susie, wow,

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like you did a great job on
this project, I'm proud of you,

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and she would have been happy and
she would have went on to the

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next project. But because he didn't
meet her where she where, he didn't

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meet her needs. She didn't felt
like he didn't see her, she felt

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he didn't hear her, she didn't
feel connected with him. So yes,

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it's just using those basic attachment principles
and leading from the inside out. So

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that's where attachment leadership came from.
Works beautifully for me. I love it,

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I'm aligned, I love it.
Okay, we have a couple before

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the break here and I want to
just hit this whole change realm. I

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know we could talk a long time
about change. It's so important. But

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two questions, why is changed so
hard for us to deal with? And

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how do you help people better handle
change? Yes, yes, wonderful questions.

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So I will change in and of
itself is not necessarily what makes it

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hard. It's really just the perspective
that the person has when experiencing the change.

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So it all depends on if the
change was planned or if it was

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unplanned, and it depends on if
the change was positive or negative. So,

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for example, if a husband and
wife have been expecting and they've been,

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you know, anticipating and planning for
a child, and then she she

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becomes pregnant. Pregnant, that is
a change. The new child is a

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complete change. It may be stressful
in the sense that, okay, well

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we need to get everything in order, but they were they were prepared for

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it, they planned for it,
they were anticipating it. Therefore, that

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change is not stressful. Now,
on the other hand, if you have

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a thirteen year old who just got
pregnant and she doesn't know who the father

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is, or maybe she does,
but she's still thirteen, that can be

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a stressful a situation. So it's
the exact same thing. Two people were

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pregnant, one is stressful and one
is excited. So it really it all

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depends on the person's perspective and the
change. Change naturally throws us off balance

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it regardless if it's a positive word
negative, it throws us off balance because

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sometimes we cannot anticipate change. But
one time I asked my students, I

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said, well, would you prefer
to have change and you know that change

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is about to happen, And of
course everybody say yes. I give me

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a warning that change is about to
happen, and then I said, okay,

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great, Well what if your boyfriend
or girlfriend says calls you up,

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says hey, I'm going to break
up with you. But next week they're

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like, well no, I wouldn't
like that. And I said, well,

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it's change that you can anticipate.
So when we think okay, I

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want to be pre warned about change, this iss. What basically we are

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saying is we just want a sense
of control. So when things change,

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When things change and we don't we
are unaware of it, or they change

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and we don't want them to,
we have a sense of I am no

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longer in control, which takes us
back to our brain. Our brains are

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completely social. That's why I keep
circling it back to that. Our brains

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are wired again for protection. So
when we are off balanced and we cannot

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control, our brains didn't think we
are in danger again. So whenever your

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brain thinks you're danger, you either
fight the change or you run from the

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change. So a relationship that should
have ended two years ago or three years

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ago, four years ago, you
stay with it. You fight the change

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because you don't want the change,
because you're used to what you've experienced.

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But it's difficult to let go,
because when you let go, maybe you

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feel like part of you is going
to leave as well. That would be

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more of a change in the relationship
setting. But really, the biggest thing

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I would say is it's helping yourself
see change from not necessarily a positive perspective.

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It's strengthening your brain. We call
this psychological heartiness. If you can

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perceive change as oh wow, this
is a chance for me to grow right

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instead of oh my gosh, this
is a burden, then you are more

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likely to adapt a little bit better
to the change that you have just experienced.

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I totally get that framing. It
a great way to send us into

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our first break. I'm your host, Alice Cortez. We've put on the

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air with doctor Trullian Small. She's
the CEO of Attachment Leadership, a counseling,

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consulting and coaching company providing customized wellness
and leadership development programs, emotional intelligence,

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corporate training, and youth development curriculum. She is also the founder of

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Prepare Academy, which has a primary
initiative focus on mental health and restorative juvenile

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justice. She's the author of five
books as well and Joine Today from Dallas

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Texas. We've been talking a bit
about how she got into this space and

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a bit about handling change. After
the break, we're going to get into

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how to address emotional intelligence and looking
for stress and anxiety in the workplace.

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Stay with us, We'll be right
back. Elise Cortez is a speaker and

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engagement and development catalyst. She designs
and delivers professional development, leadership and engagement

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workshops and can bring her expertise to
your organization. She will help ignite meaningful

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00:17:22.160 --> 00:17:26.559
development within your workforce that will increase
employee engagement, performance and retention. To

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learn more or to invite Elise to
speak to your organization, please visit her

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00:17:30.640 --> 00:17:37.079
at www dot Elise Cortez dot com. She would welcome the opportunity to help

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get your employees working on purpose.
This is working on Purpose with Elise Cortez.

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To reach our program today, send
an email to Elise ali Se at

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00:17:53.119 --> 00:18:02.599
Elise Cortez dot com. Now back
to working on purpose. Thanks for staying

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with us, and welcome back to
working on purpose. If you're just joining

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us. My guest is doctor Trullian
Small, the CEO of Attachment Leadership,

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a counseling, consulting and coaching company
providing customized wellness and leadership development programs,

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emotional intelligence, corporate training, and
youth development curriculum. She is also the

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founder of Prepare Academy, which as
a primary initiative focus of mental health and

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restorative juvenile justice. I'm your host, Alice Cortez. So for this next

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segment here, Trillian wanted to focus
on emotional intelligence and stress and anxiety in

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the workplace, and we were giggling
about that over at the break, saying

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who has that? Who knows what
that is? And so I'm really interested

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in fact, I'll just share with
you openly, you and all the listeners

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you might be hearing this. I
do have it on my doctor to work

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on and increase my own emotional intelligence
this year. That's one of the things

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that I'm riveted on. So you
do a lot of work in that space

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to help people in that realm.
So tell us, as individuals listening,

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what are a few things we can
do right now to start addressing increasing our

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emotional intelligence. Well, the first
thing that I usually like to help people

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understand when it comes to emotional intelligence
is you have to have a pretty clear

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understanding of who you are. First, you know, before you can even

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focus on having social intelligence in relationship
intelligence, it's well, what about yourself?

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I believe for whatever reason, sometimes
we are the first people that we

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neglect, and you know rightfully so
sometimes we are caregivers, so we're so

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used to pouring into other people and
then neglecting ourselves and so too. In

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order to increase your emotional intelligence,
I would say the first step really is

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to increase your own self awareness.
And yes, of course you can,

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you know, focus on your body
and how your emotions are making you feel.

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Some people are actually not even aware
of that. It's where does your

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anxiety? Like we were talking about
over the break, where does your anxiety

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live? And when I ask that
question, people are like, I don't

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know, Like what does that mean? Like I said, when you when

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you have anxiety, where does anxiety
live in your body? But then after

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they slowed down long enough they realize
like, oh my gosh, my anxiety

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is in my chest. I'm like, yes, that's where it is.

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Or some people they may say it's
in my stomach. Where's your anger?

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Oh my gosh, my anger or
my tension it's always in my shoulders.

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But sometimes we don't realize that,
so we just think, oh my gosh,

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I always have you know this this
butterfly feeling, or my jaws are

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always tensed. That's just how they
are. No, just your emotions acting

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out in your body. And if
you become aware of your body and where

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your emotions are living, you can
actually, I don't want to use the

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word control, but you can.
You can become more aware of your emotions

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and how they are impacting your mindset
and your move throughout the day. But

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sometimes we wait until the day has
come to a close and we're like,

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why do I feel? But at
two o'clock your stomach was telling you you're

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anxious. Something just happened. Pay
attention what just happened, and tend to

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it rather than waiting until ten o'clock
at night, and now you're overly anxious

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or you're overly hyper vigilant. But
yeah, self awareness, paying attention to

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your body and where your emotions live
because they will tell you before your brain

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actually tells you what is going on. But also it's paying attention and taking

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time to look yourself in the mirror
and say, what are my stories and

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how have my experiences shaped the person
that I am today? When we don't

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do that. We just think,
well, this is just how I am.

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But honestly, the person that we
are is simply just a compilation,

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is a repository of all of our
experiences ballowed all together and roof that became

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you. But we don't understand who
we are because sometimes it's difficult for us

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to look in the mirror and say, wow, this experience happened, and

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that's why I don't trust or this
situation happened, and this is why I'm

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fearful of feedback. Right, And
this situation happened when I was six,

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and this is why I'm fearful of
being around certain type of person. I

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was working with a young lady in
corporate America. She was doing well off

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financially, so she wasn't coming to
me because of that stress. But she

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said she was thirty five at the
time, and she said, every time

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I get feedback from my boss,
I almost have a panic attack, and

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I have no idea why it's impacting
my work. Always help me, And

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so we sat down, we did
a few sessions, and essentially, long

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story short, it bolt down to
she was five years old and she drew

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a stick figure and her father bought
it up and said, that's not how

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you draw a stick figure. And
so from five and to thirty five she

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had been struggling with this idea of
oh my gosh, when I get feedback,

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that means I've done something wrong.
And that's why she always had a

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panic attack, she had to go
into her boss's office and she couldn't understand.

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So increase her emotional intelligence, it
would simply become aware of you're anxious

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for a reason, You're fearful for
a reason. It's slowing down and asking

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why. Self awareness really is just
sitting yourself down, looking yourself in the

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mirror and saying why why do I
do this? Why do I do that?

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And why do I feel this way
about X, Y, and Z?

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And I would think, once you
examine that and then looking at well,

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how's that working for me? You
know, the way I'm responding to

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things? How's that working for me? Is this exacting results that I want?

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Or isn't it? And if it
isn't, maybe I need to be

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able to look at this situation differently
or understand at least what does set me

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off exactly? And sometimes we and
I hear it all the time, So

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I understand, but they say,
well, I don't want to look at

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it because if I if I get
overwhelmed by it. And I'm like,

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that makes complete sense. And guess
what, it might feel emotionally overwhelming if

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you've never looked at it, but
it's not going to overtake you. And

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this is a little gruesome sometimes that
I tell my clients. It's just that

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vomiting, right, Like when you
hold that stuff in, it doesn't feel

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good, but the moment you let
it out, you're like, room that

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I got that out. Uh.
And so that's what it's like, kind

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of sitting there and dealing with your
stuff and then you know, eventually letting

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get out and eventually if you feel
you looking about it, and your life

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is so much freer. It really
is so much freer. I completely get

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that I've done that. I've worked
on myself over the last several years and

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it's certainly gotten a more insight into
myself and my own triggers, et cetera.

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And you know, how I'm responding
to things and whether or not.

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And part of the reason I'm doing
the work and I'm doing this year in

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emotional intelligence because I don't like toay
that I responded, it hasn't work for

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me, so we're gonna work on
that. So you know, it's an

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ongoing journey, this thing called being
human, right oh ago project. I

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am on that journey forever, and
sometimes I get frustrated because I haven't arrived.

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And then I asked myself, truly, like, what what makes you

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think you were going to arrive?
You're not dead yet, so you're not

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going to arrive. That's right.
You don't want to arrive because that means

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you're not growing, And that's right. I don't want to be. I

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equate arriving to being six feet under. So I'm I'm okay with not arriving

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me too. So so let's take
this one step further. I was thinking

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about this before we got on air. You know, we all have heard

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ourselves or others say, you know
that guy or that guy just pushes my

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buttons, you know, like that
person over there or that you know whatever.

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So I want to talk a little
bit about triggers and some of the

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some of the work that you do
inside organizations to help teams start to address

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emotional intelligence triggers and things like that. So talk to us a bit about

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that work. And how you go
about it. Yes, So whenever I

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help people understand triggers in particular,
it's just something like you said, it's

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just something that pushes your button,
and it'll it'll render a response. Regardless

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of who's pushing the button, that
button will always render the exact same response.

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And so I tell people a trigger
renders five different spokes, if you

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will, I call them Bestie,
b E, S, T I.

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The being stands for anytime that trigger, whatever button that is, So it's

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somebody cuts you off while you're speaking, right, because some people that can

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be a trigger for them. It's
do not cut me off while I'm talking.

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So that the bee whenever that button
is pushed, it's somebody cut me

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off in a meeting while I was
talking. The bee is the behaviors.

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It's what behaviors do you always have
when somebody cuts you off when speaking.

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So it may be you may become
silent, right, you may be like,

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well there goes my voice, nobody
hurt me. Or you may become

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very defensive. Right. It can
be different for everybody. So what's your

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behavior? That's bee of bestie,
and the E is the emotions. Every

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time that button is pushed. What
emotion comes up? And you may be

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you know, you may become apathetic, You may be like whatever, I

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don't care, or you be you. You may fall into pity of whom

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wo is me? Nobody ever hears
me. You may become you know,

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overly angry as well. So that's
emotions. And then it's sensations. That's

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somebody sence sensations when not button is
pressed. What sensations do you fill in

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your body? It's oh my god, my jaws are clenching, so now

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I can't even talk because I'm so
mad because my jaws are tight. My

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jaws are tight. So all these
sensations, and then it's thoughts. What

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come What thoughts come up every single
time that one button is pressed. You

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know, we've kind of went over
some of those thoughts. Is all that

404
00:27:06.799 --> 00:27:10.200
person's a jerk, or I'm not
good enough, my voice is not powerful

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enough. Whatever thoughts may come up. And then the last one is I

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it's the images. What images come
up every single time that button is pressed?

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And it may be an image of
you feeling like you're about to get

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00:27:21.720 --> 00:27:23.680
me fired now, or whatever the
case may be. But sometimes people don't

409
00:27:23.720 --> 00:27:27.400
realize they think it's just well,
no, it's just it's just billy every

410
00:27:27.440 --> 00:27:30.799
time he cuts me off, That's
why I feel this way. Well,

411
00:27:30.799 --> 00:27:34.440
it's no. Anytime somebody pushes that
button, you get all of Bessy b

412
00:27:34.720 --> 00:27:38.440
Sei, you get all of those
and they come up. What I've seen

413
00:27:38.599 --> 00:27:42.640
with with corporations. And I love
working in groups because I'm very observant.

414
00:27:44.519 --> 00:27:47.000
I do a lot of self report. So it's yes, tell me,

415
00:27:47.160 --> 00:27:48.960
you know, tell me what your
triggers are, tell me what so and

416
00:27:48.960 --> 00:27:52.640
so's doing, and tell me what's
working, what's not working. But I

417
00:27:52.680 --> 00:27:57.200
love just getting in the atmosphere and
watching because you could tell me one thing,

418
00:27:57.839 --> 00:28:02.319
but I may see something completely different. And so one time I was

419
00:28:02.359 --> 00:28:04.680
working with the corporation and they came
in, well they came in my office,

420
00:28:04.720 --> 00:28:08.319
a team of like five people,
and you know, they were like,

421
00:28:08.359 --> 00:28:11.039
yeah, you know, this is
our problem, this is their problem.

422
00:28:11.079 --> 00:28:14.079
Is their problem. I'm like,
you know, listening great, but

423
00:28:14.160 --> 00:28:18.359
I'm also paying attention to what they're
not saying. By when I asked a

424
00:28:18.480 --> 00:28:22.039
question, I pay attention to the
facial expressions, right, I pay attention

425
00:28:22.400 --> 00:28:26.480
to the body expressions of another person. And I was working with one team

426
00:28:26.480 --> 00:28:29.720
in particular, and there's one guy
he did not want to come because he

427
00:28:29.799 --> 00:28:32.160
was like, how are you gonna
how are you gonna help us? You

428
00:28:32.200 --> 00:28:33.960
can't tell me anything? And I'm
like, you know, I was not

429
00:28:34.039 --> 00:28:38.680
defensive whatsoever. You know, I
wasn't pushing, but I noticed he was

430
00:28:38.720 --> 00:28:47.799
that aggressive type because there was another
team member always overrid his voice. So

431
00:28:47.880 --> 00:28:51.279
that's why he always had to be
the bigger voice. And I didn't go

432
00:28:51.519 --> 00:28:53.920
as deep because he was in a
team and I didn't feel his team was

433
00:28:53.960 --> 00:28:59.200
emotionally ready to handle his tears because
he was about to cry, and I

434
00:28:59.240 --> 00:29:03.240
asked him a simple question of who
didn't hear you as a child, and

435
00:29:03.319 --> 00:29:07.880
his eyes watered up. And then
then I diverted back to the team because

436
00:29:07.920 --> 00:29:11.880
I knew they were not ready to
handle and support because he needed support at

437
00:29:11.880 --> 00:29:15.240
the time, they couldn't give it. So I quickly provided him with the

438
00:29:15.279 --> 00:29:18.960
support and quickly diverted because I didn't
want to then recreate that trauma for him

439
00:29:19.079 --> 00:29:23.240
if they didn't listen. But the
same man that came in very defensive,

440
00:29:23.359 --> 00:29:26.920
like you can't tell me anything,
left out, shook my hand and gave

441
00:29:26.960 --> 00:29:32.279
me a hug, and he was
like, this was actually great. I'm

442
00:29:32.319 --> 00:29:34.319
like, oh, well, great, thank you. But that is that

443
00:29:34.440 --> 00:29:38.759
is the work that I do with
emotional intelligence. It's really just helping you

444
00:29:38.839 --> 00:29:44.720
become aware of your own story,
helping the team become aware of their own

445
00:29:44.759 --> 00:29:48.839
story. And I even interjected myself
when I noticed the one lady was always

446
00:29:48.880 --> 00:29:53.519
overthrowing his voice. I interjected because
it was actually irritating me. So I

447
00:29:53.559 --> 00:29:57.000
paid attention to my own emotions.
But it wasn't my emotions, so I

448
00:29:57.119 --> 00:30:02.319
knew it was the projection of the
emotions in the room. So that's why

449
00:30:02.319 --> 00:30:06.039
it's important as a leader to also
be able to differentiate is this my stuff,

450
00:30:06.160 --> 00:30:10.359
my emotions, or is this you
off stuff that I'm now feeling.

451
00:30:10.960 --> 00:30:15.359
And every time she cut him off, I was getting agitated, and I

452
00:30:15.400 --> 00:30:18.240
knew it wasn't. I mean,
I'm not going to work with you tomorrow,

453
00:30:18.279 --> 00:30:21.400
so it didn't bother me, and
I knew that was his feeling,

454
00:30:21.960 --> 00:30:23.519
And so I stopped while she cut
him off, and I said, you

455
00:30:23.559 --> 00:30:26.000
know, every time you cut him
off, I get agitated. And so

456
00:30:26.039 --> 00:30:29.279
I turned to him and I say, is that how you feel when she

457
00:30:29.319 --> 00:30:33.279
does that? He said, oh
my gosh, yes, it's so,

458
00:30:33.720 --> 00:30:37.640
but I was a voice for him
because he wasn't speaking his voice. So

459
00:30:37.680 --> 00:30:41.440
that so that's really just the work
of EQ. When it comes to working

460
00:30:41.440 --> 00:30:47.599
with corporations, it's really helping them
see their own in their own their own

461
00:30:47.599 --> 00:30:51.559
instances that are coming out in the
room, but then also helping the team

462
00:30:51.680 --> 00:30:55.200
see how they are influencing the entire
team as well. All right, then

463
00:30:55.319 --> 00:30:57.480
mirroring and such a bringing things to
the surface, so so so powerful.

464
00:30:57.480 --> 00:31:00.519
I'd love to see you in action, brilliant, would love to see that.

465
00:31:00.640 --> 00:31:06.440
So I have another question I want
to ask you about anxiety and stress,

466
00:31:06.480 --> 00:31:07.359
but let me do it after the
break so you can answer it more

467
00:31:07.440 --> 00:31:11.039
fully. Let's grab our last break. I'm Elise Cortez, your host.

468
00:31:11.119 --> 00:31:14.319
We've been on the ear with doctor
Trillian Small. She's the CEO of Attachment

469
00:31:14.400 --> 00:31:18.759
Leadership, a counseling, consulting and
coaching company providing customized wellness and leadership development

470
00:31:18.799 --> 00:31:23.759
programs, emotional intelligence, corporate training, and youth development curriculum. She's also

471
00:31:23.799 --> 00:31:27.759
the founder of Prepare Academy, which
has the primary initiative focus of mental health

472
00:31:27.759 --> 00:31:33.079
and restorative juvenile justice. She joined
a day from Dallas Texas. After the

473
00:31:33.119 --> 00:31:34.519
break, we're going to hear a
little bit more about that anxiety and stress

474
00:31:34.559 --> 00:31:37.759
that we talked about, as well
as her work and juvenile justice and her

475
00:31:37.799 --> 00:31:51.359
nonprofit. Stay with us, We'll
be right back. Elise Cortez is a

476
00:31:51.400 --> 00:31:56.240
speaker and engagement and development canalyst.
She designs and delivers professional development, leadership

477
00:31:56.279 --> 00:32:01.000
and engagement workshops and can bring her
expertise to your organization. She will help

478
00:32:01.000 --> 00:32:07.000
ignite meaningful development within your workforce that
will increase employee engagement, performance and retention.

479
00:32:07.240 --> 00:32:10.480
To learn more or to invite a
lease to speak to your organization,

480
00:32:10.640 --> 00:32:15.839
please visit her at www dot Elise
Cortez dot com. She would welcome the

481
00:32:15.880 --> 00:32:28.160
opportunity to help get your employees working
on purpose. This is working on Purpose

482
00:32:28.240 --> 00:32:31.920
with Elise Cortez. To reach our
program today, send an email to Elise

483
00:32:32.319 --> 00:32:38.920
ali Se at Elise Cortez dot com. Now back to working on purpose.

484
00:32:44.319 --> 00:32:46.240
Thanks for staying with us, and
welcome back to working on purpose. If

485
00:32:46.240 --> 00:32:50.400
you're just tuning in, my guest
is doctor Trullian Small. She used to

486
00:32:50.440 --> 00:32:53.400
see you. Of Attachment Leadership,
a counseling, consulting and coaching company providing

487
00:32:53.400 --> 00:32:59.559
customized wellness and leadership development programs,
emotional intelligence, corporate training, and youth

488
00:32:59.599 --> 00:33:02.519
development curriculum. She's also the founder
of Prepare Academy, which has a primary

489
00:33:02.559 --> 00:33:07.680
initiative focus on mental health and restorative
juvenile justice. I'm your host at least

490
00:33:07.680 --> 00:33:10.039
Cortez, So we didn't quite get
to this last question in that group that

491
00:33:10.079 --> 00:33:13.759
I wanted to ask you trillion here
and I know for a lot of our

492
00:33:13.799 --> 00:33:16.240
listeners they would want to hear about
this. So just briefly, if you

493
00:33:16.240 --> 00:33:20.000
could talk with this about their work
that you do within companies to help them

494
00:33:20.000 --> 00:33:24.119
recognize the signs and whether employees are
anxious and stressed. How do you help

495
00:33:24.200 --> 00:33:30.160
companies in this area. Yes,
so one of the things I really just

496
00:33:30.200 --> 00:33:34.039
do is is I just call it
a psycho education or a trauma inform training

497
00:33:34.799 --> 00:33:38.559
to really provide employers and as well
as their employees, because it's not just

498
00:33:38.759 --> 00:33:45.759
enough for the employers to know how
to spot anxiety or depression or other mental

499
00:33:45.759 --> 00:33:49.599
health disorders. It's also important for
the person themselves to be able to realize,

500
00:33:49.640 --> 00:33:52.240
oh wow, I'm anxious, I'm
depressed, because it can become so

501
00:33:52.319 --> 00:33:58.039
normal. A person can adapt to
working under stress. So much that they

502
00:33:58.079 --> 00:34:01.480
do not realize that they are stressed
out, and they do not realize that

503
00:34:01.559 --> 00:34:06.880
the their agitation is actually depression because
you think, well, no, I'm

504
00:34:06.880 --> 00:34:13.000
just frustrated. But anxiety or depression
can also show itself in irritation as well.

505
00:34:13.320 --> 00:34:16.400
And so I like to help companies
to understand the mental health culture,

506
00:34:16.679 --> 00:34:22.000
if you will, of their of
their company. Sometimes you can I don't

507
00:34:22.000 --> 00:34:24.280
know if you've ever walked in maybe
not even a company, but just into

508
00:34:24.320 --> 00:34:28.960
a store, maybe even you know, driven into a city and you just

509
00:34:29.159 --> 00:34:32.239
you begin to feel a certain way. Yeah, so it's like wow,

510
00:34:32.280 --> 00:34:36.320
like I drove into this city and
I feel like scien, I'm ready to

511
00:34:36.360 --> 00:34:38.000
go. And then I drove into
another city and I'm like, oh my

512
00:34:38.039 --> 00:34:40.800
god, I feel depressed. And
it can be sunny outside, and so

513
00:34:40.840 --> 00:34:46.360
it's really it's picking up on the
atmosphere of whatever environment that you are in.

514
00:34:46.519 --> 00:34:51.280
And so I like to tell employers
it means some basic things to really

515
00:34:51.280 --> 00:34:55.159
look for. It's do your employee's
dread coming to work? Like that's that's

516
00:34:55.400 --> 00:35:00.599
a basic fun that there's there's maybe
something unhealthy about your culture at work,

517
00:35:00.719 --> 00:35:05.360
right, because if it was a
little bit healthier maybe they would want to

518
00:35:05.360 --> 00:35:07.880
come to work. So do they
dread coming to work? Do they do?

519
00:35:07.920 --> 00:35:13.960
You have a lot of employees who
are finding themselves always in isolation or

520
00:35:14.360 --> 00:35:17.920
avoiding other people, avoiding you.
And I'm not talking about just those who

521
00:35:17.960 --> 00:35:23.159
are naturally introverted and they prefer just
to stay in their own space. I'm

522
00:35:23.199 --> 00:35:28.360
talking about those who and that's fine, But what about those who are naturally

523
00:35:28.400 --> 00:35:31.320
outgoing, but now they have you
have found them a little bit more recluse.

524
00:35:32.360 --> 00:35:36.639
That's a that's a change in their
behaviors. And so back to what

525
00:35:36.760 --> 00:35:40.679
we were talking about of emotional intelligence. The second part of emotional intelligence itself

526
00:35:40.719 --> 00:35:45.920
first, but it's also other awareness. Do you have the ability to pick

527
00:35:46.000 --> 00:35:50.480
up on how somebody else is feeling? And you have to be very in

528
00:35:50.559 --> 00:35:55.079
tune as a leader to recognize that. So their dreading coming, they're isolating,

529
00:35:55.079 --> 00:35:59.800
they're avoiding. Are they tearful?
Right? Are they tearful you?

530
00:36:00.280 --> 00:36:04.519
How do you notice that they typically
are upbeat but now they look sad?

531
00:36:05.199 --> 00:36:08.159
Honestly, it's really just picking up
on their changes in their mood. And

532
00:36:08.199 --> 00:36:10.719
it's not just oh, well,
she's a woman, she's on her period.

533
00:36:12.639 --> 00:36:15.360
That's not just that it's you have
to go. You have to put

534
00:36:15.400 --> 00:36:17.159
it in a little bit more effort
to ask yourself, but why is she

535
00:36:17.320 --> 00:36:21.440
moody? Right? Or why is
why is he moody? Don't just say

536
00:36:21.480 --> 00:36:23.840
oh, she's just you know,
and as her woman time or whatever the

537
00:36:23.840 --> 00:36:28.239
case may be. It sometimes it
goes beyond that. Don't ask Harry or

538
00:36:28.320 --> 00:36:31.840
your period today. That would definitely
be out of order. But it's just

539
00:36:31.920 --> 00:36:36.400
taking a leader has to become a
little bit more knowledgeable, and really,

540
00:36:36.440 --> 00:36:38.760
all I do is just provide them
with, Hey, this is what anxiety

541
00:36:38.880 --> 00:36:44.280
is. These are some symptoms,
this is what depression is symptoms, this

542
00:36:44.360 --> 00:36:49.360
is what a person who experiences trauma
may look like. But then again,

543
00:36:49.880 --> 00:36:52.239
even beyond that, I don't like
to just leave it there and say,

544
00:36:52.280 --> 00:36:55.119
well, these are the symptoms,
because if you are a person like me,

545
00:36:55.760 --> 00:37:00.039
you didn't exhibit any of those symptoms
externally. So nobody ever, nobody

546
00:37:00.119 --> 00:37:02.960
knew I was depressed, Nobody knew
I was anxious, nobody knew I was

547
00:37:02.960 --> 00:37:07.119
struggling with PTSD because I covered up
pretty well. I was what they call

548
00:37:07.199 --> 00:37:10.360
high functioning, so I wasn't sitting
at home crying in the bed. So

549
00:37:10.599 --> 00:37:15.760
while you may have some clients who
are coming to work and they're staying after

550
00:37:15.920 --> 00:37:21.039
hours. Begin to even pay attention
to those because I was a maladaptive perfectionist

551
00:37:21.239 --> 00:37:23.039
and on the outside people say,
oh, wow, you accomplished so much,

552
00:37:23.239 --> 00:37:27.519
but they don't realize that it was
a it was an unhealthy striving.

553
00:37:27.719 --> 00:37:30.599
So it's even looking at those who
are overachieving to the point where it may

554
00:37:30.599 --> 00:37:36.079
be causing stress and their own lives, or maybe they are overachieving because they

555
00:37:36.079 --> 00:37:38.920
are trying to over incompensate. So
it's kind of making sure you're not neglecting

556
00:37:39.039 --> 00:37:43.760
both ends of the spectrum. Oh, that's just incredibly accessible for us and

557
00:37:44.039 --> 00:37:46.320
for the listeners to really understand.
Part of the reason I asked her that

558
00:37:46.400 --> 00:37:51.199
question, asked full in that question
is because when we start to understand how

559
00:37:51.320 --> 00:37:53.480
anxiety and stress shows up in the
workplace and we can start to address it,

560
00:37:53.519 --> 00:37:58.719
now we can start to impact engagement, performance, retention, and you

561
00:37:58.760 --> 00:38:01.599
know, days off the job.
And so that's that's real, meaningful bottom

562
00:38:01.639 --> 00:38:06.280
line contribution, not just the care
and feeding of your employees, but the

563
00:38:06.320 --> 00:38:08.920
bottom line of your company's results.
That's why I wanted Trilling to speak to

564
00:38:08.960 --> 00:38:12.320
that. So thank you, trilling
that was that was great. That was

565
00:38:12.320 --> 00:38:14.519
really great, because I think we
get to a place sometimes where we just

566
00:38:14.559 --> 00:38:17.079
start to accept that this is the
normal around here, you know, right,

567
00:38:17.079 --> 00:38:21.000
and eventually once the bottom falls out, now they really have to take

568
00:38:21.039 --> 00:38:23.039
off work when you could have just
been a little bit more preventive in the

569
00:38:23.079 --> 00:38:25.880
fun end, right, And like
you said, it's you can retain clients

570
00:38:25.880 --> 00:38:29.760
a little bit more. I've seen
so many work clients have quit because of

571
00:38:29.800 --> 00:38:31.880
the stress of the environment. And
it's not just the workload, but it's

572
00:38:31.920 --> 00:38:37.440
the inattentiveness to their mental health needs. Oh yeah, absolutely. And people

573
00:38:37.440 --> 00:38:38.880
will say it's just not worth it
here, right. You hear them saying

574
00:38:38.920 --> 00:38:42.760
that on the way, It's just
not worth it here. Yeah. All

575
00:38:42.840 --> 00:38:45.199
right, Well we're getting close already
out of time here. I want to

576
00:38:45.239 --> 00:38:47.880
talk about your your nonprofit here.
You started yours when I did Mine Mine's

577
00:38:47.920 --> 00:38:52.559
Purpose on Fire. I started Mind
in December twenty eighteen, like you did

578
00:38:52.679 --> 00:38:55.559
yours. Yours is called right,
we were on the same wavelength. I'm

579
00:38:55.599 --> 00:39:00.159
telling you, trilling you and telling
you the synergy thing is real. I

580
00:39:00.159 --> 00:39:04.719
love it. So you started to
prepare academy and I know your mission is

581
00:39:04.719 --> 00:39:07.400
to prepare, not repair our youth
by equipping it mentally, emotionally, and

582
00:39:07.440 --> 00:39:10.760
relationally through evidence based practices. And
you're out to put an end to the

583
00:39:10.800 --> 00:39:15.760
cycle of trauma and to stop preventable
mental illnesses from reoccurring generation after generation.

584
00:39:15.840 --> 00:39:20.239
So first I got to understand where
did that idea come from? And what

585
00:39:20.360 --> 00:39:22.880
has you so motivated to address this
problem? Yes, so I named a

586
00:39:22.960 --> 00:39:30.440
Prepare Academy really just inspired by my
clients. Just about every one of my

587
00:39:30.480 --> 00:39:35.519
clients who come in when we do
a trauma history timeline, we could couldn't

588
00:39:35.559 --> 00:39:39.079
We could always connect something in their
presents, something in their past, and

589
00:39:39.159 --> 00:39:42.599
so you know, I always have
the question of, Wow, what would

590
00:39:42.599 --> 00:39:45.239
have happened if their mother saw this
when they were five, or if their

591
00:39:45.320 --> 00:39:49.239
counselor dealt with this, or their
teacher called this when they were ten?

592
00:39:49.440 --> 00:39:52.199
Well, how would their life be
different? You know, if instead of

593
00:39:52.199 --> 00:39:54.239
living forty years this way, what
would happen? And so I said,

594
00:39:54.280 --> 00:39:58.320
I'm going to call this Prepare Academy
because you know, a great Yes,

595
00:39:58.360 --> 00:40:01.440
it's great to happen, but I
want to focus on preparing our children and

596
00:40:01.559 --> 00:40:07.639
Prepare Academy primarily focuses on at risk
youth. It's overall youth development. Yes,

597
00:40:07.679 --> 00:40:10.960
we have a restorative juvenile justice wing
to it, an initiative, but

598
00:40:12.000 --> 00:40:15.559
it's overall, how can we take
the youth that we know are have a

599
00:40:15.960 --> 00:40:22.559
sensitivity or vulnerability to encountering trauma and
in more stress and maybe even encountering the

600
00:40:22.599 --> 00:40:25.320
juvenile justice system. What can we
do now? Right? So, it's

601
00:40:25.360 --> 00:40:30.320
helping them increase their emotional intelligence,
it's teaching them social how to interact in

602
00:40:30.400 --> 00:40:35.360
social environments. It's teaching them how
or it's helping them to heal from the

603
00:40:35.440 --> 00:40:38.079
current trauma. And imagine some of
these kids they maybe ten, you know,

604
00:40:38.119 --> 00:40:42.800
ten, eleven, twelve, and
have already you know, occured so

605
00:40:42.920 --> 00:40:45.440
much amount of stress, and there
are a few years of life. So

606
00:40:45.480 --> 00:40:47.079
it's let's go ahead and nip it
in the butt now. And one of

607
00:40:47.119 --> 00:40:52.119
my inspiring quotes comes from Frederick Douglas
and he says, it is easier to

608
00:40:52.320 --> 00:40:57.800
build strong a strong child than it
is to repair broken in And that's really

609
00:40:57.800 --> 00:41:00.960
where the foundation for Prepare Academy comes
from. I love it, love it,

610
00:41:01.079 --> 00:41:05.480
love it. I'm a fan.
Okay, all right, a couple

611
00:41:05.559 --> 00:41:07.800
more things here, real quick before
we get you needed the show here.

612
00:41:07.840 --> 00:41:09.159
So one of the things that you
told me on the phone when we got

613
00:41:09.280 --> 00:41:14.840
acquainted was you're out to cut incarceration
by half and not as a big problem

614
00:41:14.880 --> 00:41:16.920
as you say for our brown and
black brothers and sisters. So I want

615
00:41:16.960 --> 00:41:21.880
to understand the gravity and breadth of
the problem here. Help us paint that

616
00:41:21.960 --> 00:41:25.960
picture for us. Yes, absolutely
so. My organization just recently partnered with

617
00:41:27.400 --> 00:41:30.480
a national organization called Cut fifty.
If you know Van Jones, he is

618
00:41:30.519 --> 00:41:36.880
a CNN commentator, he's also the
CEO and the founder of Reform and so

619
00:41:37.039 --> 00:41:40.360
a very initiative is just as you've
said, to cut incarceration in half,

620
00:41:40.760 --> 00:41:44.400
and I've joined forces with them and
said, yes, I want to do

621
00:41:44.440 --> 00:41:47.840
something about this. So to give
you a couple of statistics, like you

622
00:41:47.880 --> 00:41:53.239
said, blacks and browns are disproportionately
incarcerated at alarming rates. Almost one of

623
00:41:53.320 --> 00:41:59.039
ten or one of twelve rather black
men age twenty five to fifty four in

624
00:41:59.159 --> 00:42:02.440
jail or in pre compared to one
in sixty non black men. So that

625
00:42:02.519 --> 00:42:08.159
is six hundred thousand African American men
an imprisonment and rate of five times that

626
00:42:08.280 --> 00:42:12.880
of white men. So those are
our browns and our blacks, right,

627
00:42:13.119 --> 00:42:15.280
And so one may say, okay, well, well maybe it's just the

628
00:42:15.320 --> 00:42:19.880
blacks and the browns that are committing
all the clients know that's actually not the

629
00:42:19.960 --> 00:42:22.599
case either. If we were to
take in racial profiling, right, if

630
00:42:22.639 --> 00:42:25.960
we were to take in the school
to prison pipeline, if we were to

631
00:42:25.960 --> 00:42:29.519
take in and I can explain that, but if we were to take in

632
00:42:29.880 --> 00:42:36.239
the police encounter with civilians, we've
seen so many who will simply patrol the

633
00:42:36.320 --> 00:42:40.400
areas where they know blacks and browns
and poor people are, and they arrest.

634
00:42:40.599 --> 00:42:45.199
And there are so many poor people
as well in prison or in jail.

635
00:42:45.400 --> 00:42:50.199
And guess what jail does not It
doesn't help anybody. That actually can

636
00:42:50.280 --> 00:42:53.760
make them very worse. And So
with CUT fifty the national organization, while

637
00:42:53.840 --> 00:43:00.519
we all focus on mass incarceration,
my passion in particular is focusing on juvenile

638
00:43:00.639 --> 00:43:06.039
So I focus on restorative juvenile justice. And as I said briefly, our

639
00:43:06.079 --> 00:43:09.280
goal is to eradicate, if you
will, the school to prison pipeline.

640
00:43:09.360 --> 00:43:13.440
And so that's a metaphor. It's
not like an actual pipeline you're sending a

641
00:43:13.519 --> 00:43:17.400
child through, but it's a metaphor
of saying from Usually many of these children

642
00:43:17.440 --> 00:43:22.119
who encounter this system were first referred
by us by a school, so it's

643
00:43:22.199 --> 00:43:24.719
when they got into a fight,
so they call the police. Instead of

644
00:43:24.760 --> 00:43:28.760
them handling at the school, they'll
call the police. But now the child

645
00:43:28.960 --> 00:43:31.320
it has entered into this system,
and the moment they entered the system,

646
00:43:31.400 --> 00:43:37.159
it's very difficult for many of them
to not continue that path and to prison.

647
00:43:37.360 --> 00:43:42.840
And sadly, a lot of our
money is going to incarcerating rather than

648
00:43:43.079 --> 00:43:46.280
restoring and educating our youth. So
some more numbers. This was back in

649
00:43:46.320 --> 00:43:50.559
I think two eleven, but the
numbers are probably still the same. But

650
00:43:50.800 --> 00:43:55.960
I've I've seen some prisons spend fifty
to ninety thousand dollars fifty to ninety thousand

651
00:43:57.000 --> 00:44:01.840
dollars to incarcerate one juvenile, but
the educational system may spend nine to twelve

652
00:44:01.880 --> 00:44:07.039
thousand dollars educating them. Like that, I'm like, wow, you're you're

653
00:44:07.119 --> 00:44:10.039
investing more money and throwing kids in
prison, and the moment they get back

654
00:44:10.079 --> 00:44:15.159
into the community, they are probably
going to recommit another crime. So now

655
00:44:15.159 --> 00:44:21.320
the community is dangerous, so you're
not actually effectively restoring or transforming these children's

656
00:44:21.360 --> 00:44:24.880
lives. There was also another article
was called prison Princeton as a Prison Princeton

657
00:44:25.000 --> 00:44:29.800
article that said it costs more to
incarcerate a kid than to send them to

658
00:44:29.800 --> 00:44:32.079
Princeton for one year. So when
you think, when you think about those

659
00:44:32.159 --> 00:44:37.239
numbers, you you ask yourself why
and now, now, if from a

660
00:44:37.239 --> 00:44:39.800
moral standpoint, if that doesn't trigger
your heart, it's well from a fiscal

661
00:44:39.880 --> 00:44:45.639
standpoint, the people paying for it
is you taxpayers are paying for to send

662
00:44:45.719 --> 00:44:49.159
kids to prison. And so it's
well, whow like, why why continue

663
00:44:49.199 --> 00:44:52.639
to invest our money where we are
getting no return on our investment rillion?

664
00:44:53.000 --> 00:44:59.159
That let me talking, I mean
that is that's astounding, And I totally

665
00:44:59.199 --> 00:45:00.199
got the point. I don't want
to make sure and give you the last

666
00:45:00.239 --> 00:45:04.119
little bit of time here to talk
about this big cool day you have coming

667
00:45:04.199 --> 00:45:07.360
up here on Fifth Day of Empathy
March fifth, twenty nineteen. I know

668
00:45:07.440 --> 00:45:10.920
you're leading this day and event before
we have to get off, fair,

669
00:45:10.960 --> 00:45:14.639
tell us just to smidge about what
you're up to and why it's important,

670
00:45:14.639 --> 00:45:16.559
what results you're looking for? Yeesh. So everything that I just talked about

671
00:45:16.559 --> 00:45:21.599
with restorative juvenile justice in this school
to prison pipeline. We're going to extend

672
00:45:21.719 --> 00:45:24.880
that into a three hour conversation on
March the fifth, twenty nineteen, here

673
00:45:24.920 --> 00:45:29.760
in Dallas, Texas, at a
location called Capital Factory. If you go

674
00:45:29.880 --> 00:45:35.199
to Day of Empathy dot event for
our Day of Empathy Dallas dot event right

675
00:45:35.280 --> 00:45:37.719
dot com, you can get your
tickets. All of the proceeds for that

676
00:45:37.800 --> 00:45:42.519
event. The tickets go straight to
some of the students that will actually be

677
00:45:42.639 --> 00:45:46.119
there sharing their stories about how being
in trauma, how living in poverty,

678
00:45:46.159 --> 00:45:51.880
and how encountering the juvenile justice system
has truly impacted their lives. But we're

679
00:45:51.920 --> 00:45:55.199
not just there to gripe and complain
about how bad the system is. And

680
00:45:55.360 --> 00:45:59.960
we are also focusing on bringing people
in the room that can say, hey,

681
00:46:00.239 --> 00:46:04.360
but there's hope. There are already
organizations on our team who are talking

682
00:46:04.400 --> 00:46:08.519
about the restorative programs. The specialty
courts will have some judges there talking about

683
00:46:08.559 --> 00:46:13.079
what they are already doing to help
restore our youth and stop sending them to

684
00:46:13.159 --> 00:46:15.920
prison but instead send them to college
or two in the workforce. Yeah.

685
00:46:15.920 --> 00:46:20.960
So March March to fifth, twenty
nineteen at six pm in Dallas, Texas.

686
00:46:21.320 --> 00:46:24.079
Tickets are just ten dollars and all
the proceeds go straight to the students

687
00:46:24.119 --> 00:46:28.679
that will be there. Oh my
gosh, doctor Trillion Small, you are

688
00:46:28.840 --> 00:46:31.519
a whirlwind and I'm so grateful to
know you. And say thirty seconds,

689
00:46:31.599 --> 00:46:35.639
what would you like to leave our
listeners with? The one thing I would

690
00:46:35.679 --> 00:46:39.519
like to leave my listeners with is
love truly does conquer all in any arena

691
00:46:39.639 --> 00:46:44.039
that you are in, And I
truly do believe that love also heals.

692
00:46:44.440 --> 00:46:47.360
So while this event and everything we've
been talking about has to do with transforming

693
00:46:47.400 --> 00:46:51.280
your mind so that you can transform
your heart so that you can transform your

694
00:46:51.280 --> 00:46:54.480
relationships. Ultimately, if we find
the love that we're needing, I believe

695
00:46:54.519 --> 00:46:58.639
we can find the healing that we're
also looking for. What a great way

696
00:46:58.679 --> 00:47:00.800
to finish the show, Doctor Trillian
Small, thank you so very much for

697
00:47:00.880 --> 00:47:04.559
joining us and coming into my path. If you want to learn more about

698
00:47:04.559 --> 00:47:07.519
doctor Trillion Small, her work and
attachment leadership or prepare academy, visit her

699
00:47:07.519 --> 00:47:12.880
website at trillion Small dot com.
It's just like the number and then small

700
00:47:13.000 --> 00:47:15.719
dot com. If you missed last
week's show, you can always catch if

701
00:47:15.719 --> 00:47:19.239
your recorded podcast. We were on
the air with Rona Zia. She was

702
00:47:19.280 --> 00:47:22.599
talking about her book called Your Inner
Light. Now we really can create the

703
00:47:22.639 --> 00:47:25.239
lives we want. Very inspiring,
indeed, I got many things from it.

704
00:47:25.400 --> 00:47:30.199
Next week we'll be on the air
with doctor Cynthia mickens Ross talking about

705
00:47:30.199 --> 00:47:34.159
her numerous ventures to inspire people and
occurage them to consider what their lives would

706
00:47:34.199 --> 00:47:37.559
look like if only they lived there
actually, as they're in the what if

707
00:47:37.679 --> 00:47:39.159
kind of place, See you there. Remember that work is at least one

708
00:47:39.199 --> 00:47:45.960
third of our life, So let's
work on purpose. We hope you've enjoyed

709
00:47:45.000 --> 00:47:50.440
this week's program. Be sure to
tune in to Working on Purpose, featuring

710
00:47:50.519 --> 00:47:55.000
your host Alice Cortez, each week
on the Voice America Empowerment Channel. This

711
00:47:55.079 --> 00:47:59.000
week, find your life's purpose at
work.