June 2, 2021
Doctor’s Orders: A Prescription for Empathy to Reunite the US

Nutritionists tell us that we are what we eat. As a clinical psychologist, Dr. Arthur Ciaramicoli believes that we are what we perceive. We are in a dark time and in need of enhanced empathy to allow us to regain our civility and our sense of reason....
Nutritionists tell us that we are what we eat. As a clinical psychologist, Dr. Arthur Ciaramicoli believes that we are what we perceive. We are in a dark time and in need of enhanced empathy to allow us to regain our civility and our sense of reason. The cancer in the United States is deep and it is growing, but it is still curable if we devise a treatment plan that we are all willing to implement. This episode will teach us how.
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What's working on purpose anyway? Each
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People ache for meaning and purpose at
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and know their lives really matter.
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we provide guidance and inspiration to help
usher in this world we all want
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Working on Purpose. Now Here is
your host, doctor Elise Cortes. Welcome
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back to the Working on Purpose Program. Thanks for tuning in again this week.
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I'm your host, doctor Relise Cortez
during new lie from Dallas, which
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is home base for me. If
you don't know me yet, I'm a
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management consultant specializing in meeting and purpose, organizational logo therapist, inspirational speaker,
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social scientist, and author. You
can learn more about me and how it
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can work together at Eliscortes dot com
or Gusto Dshnow, let me thank my
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partner and sponsor, Work Proud.
We are a perfect collaboration. Everyone wants
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work they do is meaningful and appreciated.
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Work Proud is a mobile platform built
to encourage employees to share stories and recognize
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of their company. Learn more at
workproud dot com. With us today is
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doctor Arthur Cera McCauley, a licensed
clinical psychologist who has been treating clients for
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more than thirty five years. He
is currently in private practice while also developing
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courses and podcasts for an educational company
in China. Based on his recent books,
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The Power of Empathy, The Soulful
Leader, and The Triumph of Diversity,
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His latest book expresses his heartbreak at
the divisiveness and hate speech predominant in
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the United States, a cancer he
stands to eradicate through his teachings. His
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book is called America Reunited, a
relational solution to bridging a political, social,
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and personal chasm dividing our nation,
which we be talking about in today's
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conversation. He joined today from Boston. Doctor Sera mcauleague, welcome back for
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the fourth time working on purpose.
Thank you, it's good to see you.
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It's great to see you. It's
really great to see you. And
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as I say here, this is
your fourth time. You are the only
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guest that I've had on my show
four times. I think I've had somebody
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on twice and thrice, but never
before. Well, I'm honored to be
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here again. Yes, me too. And before we get into situating the
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whole problem of extremism and hate speech, which is really what you're addressing in
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your book, I want to start
with you, doctor c as we like
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to call each other, this being
your fourth time, because you keep writing
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books, but this book that you've
written this time is intensely personal and even
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a bigger reach for you to a
larger audience because you were diagnosed with plasma
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miloma cells recently, which means,
as you say in this book, that
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you have cancer in your heart,
which I find just completely ironic, given
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that you've done so much work helping
people work on their own hearts. How's
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it going, How are you feeling. I'm feeling great. My numbers are
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down. I have a great treatment
team here in Boston. It toughs medical
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sun, so I'm doing very well. I'm very fortunate to be in this
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area to obtain expert treatment. I
see one of the experts in the world
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of this alm or doss, these
toxic proteins that can locate in your heart.
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One of the reasons I included the
story in the introduction to the book
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A Lease is that I wanted to
display to the reader how powerful emotions can
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be and how they distort perceptions.
You know, this concept of confirmation bias,
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that we the outcome that we want
to see, that we actually produced
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it in our minds, even though
it may not be there. And for
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instance, when I first heard that
I had cancer of these toxic proteins in
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my heart, I still right now, even when I say the word,
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I don't feel like I have it. So intellectually there's one knowledge base,
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and then on an emotional level there's
somewhat of a denial there. As you
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and I were talking a little earlier
before we came on air. But you
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know, nutrition has say that we
are what we eat. What I say
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as a clinical psychologist, that we
are what we and I think our perceptions
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have been so distorted recently in this
country on both sides of the Aisle,
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Democrats Republicans, the hateful speech,
the sadistic actions, and it really has
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demoralized Americans in a great way.
Yes, I completely agree with that,
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and I appreciate what you say.
Also early in your book, is you
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talk about that it as you were
navigating your own cancer journey, that you
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also saw that there was really the
United States was being confronted with its own
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cancer and its denial of and its
level of unrest in recent years, and
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instead chooses to see America as the
greatest nation without really engaging an objective and
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Elsis, I thought that was incredibly
profoundly real and thoughtful and accurate, you
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know, and I would like to
believe that it isn't true, but it
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is true, and we have to
face up to it. That we have
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right now the greatest rates of prejudice
that we've had in the last thirty years.
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Anti Semitism, we know, just
in the last few weeks it's up.
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Racis has increased, is lawophobia is
up, discrimination against people of different
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sexual orientation, it's up. And
suicide suicide is up dramatically in our country.
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So we're in trouble. America is
in trouble, and we need to
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address it. We need to address
it comprehensively. Yeah, and what I
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also appreciate. I completely agree with
that, by the way, and I'm
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so happy to have you on the
show talking about the importance of this and
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doing so in a way that I
think is reasonable and actionable for all of
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us. I really, I just
you know that I've been a fan of
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yours for years and what you've now
brought to the world I think is just
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so important and so timely. And
when you were talking specifically about this notion
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of the societal disease that manifests from
hateful speech and hateful actions is vengeon and
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as you said, outright sadism,
and you address the need to understand and
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influence those who feel disenfranchised, disenfranchised
and left behind. I think that's really
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important to talk about, is that
there is such an enormous general population that
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does feel disenfranchised and left beyond it, just because a little bit to help
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us understand just kind of the numbers
you write in the book are phenomenal,
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just huge, Well, forty million
people, at least forty million people are
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living below the poverty line, and
sixteen million children. And the suicide rates
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and this is mainly in the Midwest
and the South, but the suicide rates
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in the Midwest, it's now been
called the Mountain States are called the suicide
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belt because there's so many unemployed people. And if you combine unemployment, gun
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ownership, and alcoholism or opiate addiction, you have high suicide rates. So
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it's a deep concern, a deep
concern. And if people don't have employment,
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they're very apt to listen to distorted
views on media outlets and radio and
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so forth, you know, and
be convinced that because they're looking for an
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enemy. Oftentimes, people, particularly
people would suit stick cores, people that
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tend to project out their dissatisfaction rather
than acknowledging it inwardly. They're blamers.
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They blame other people. So now
they're being given a cause. The Democrats
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hate the Republicans, the Republicans hate
the Democrats, and it goes back and
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forth needlessly because a lot of their
dilemmas, especially that tendency to be statistic,
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to be hurtful to others, has
nothing to do with politics, nothing
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to do with politics whatsoever. This
is a personality issue. You know,
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when we saw the uprising in April
sixth in the Capitol of January sixth,
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I'm sorry, in the Capitol and
we saw a man with a pole,
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you know, hitting a guard.
That man hitting that guy, that had
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nothing to do with his political persuasions. Because I know many Republicans. I
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have Republican friends that have Republican patients
who would never do that in their wildness
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dream. They would never pick up
a poll that hit an innocent person.
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That's a personality issue. So I
think in the media we haven't talked about
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it that way. We haven't talked
about it as a psychological issue, because
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that's what it is. It's not
a political issue. And that and one
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of the other things that I found
fascinating about your writing at this time in
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this book is that you talk about
how more and more Americans have been adopting
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extreme views to the right or to
the left, and some of the very
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serious conflicts that you've already brought up
to come to that and to the point
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even this extremism is that when I
read this, I laughed, But I
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shouldn't have, because I do.
I've heard it all over the place.
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You said that you know couples whose
significant other doesn't agree with their political position
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oftentimes I'm not really allowed to sleep
in the same room with them. I
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mean, it's incredible. Yeah.
You know, I've been a practice and
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clinical psychologist, as you said in
the introduction, for a long time,
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and never in my thirty five years
of practicing have I had indications at times
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where people talk about politics in therapy. But it's so common now, and
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it's been so common for so long. It seems like a little less in
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the last few months. But it
is people have tuned in in ways that
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they never have before, and that
tuning into stations and outlets that may not
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necessarily be telling them the truth.
We have to really work to distinguish between
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fiction and nonfiction, entertainment and facts, you know. And that's that's where
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I talk a lot about empathy,
because empathy is a capacity that allows us
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to see the whole field, all
the variables that we've encountered, so we
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can ascertain the facts. It helps
us see the long beyond the surface.
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But in the nightly news and most
of the stations, you know, their
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biases in different ways, and we
have to we have to be a little
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tolerant and about doing some of the
hard work to ascertain the facts and not
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assume that we've just got to tweet
on our computer on our phone and it
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tells us what's happening in the world
today because it could be vastly inaccurate.
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Yeah, so too, And we'll
be definitely talking more deeply about this in
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the third segment as well, and
died more deeply into that, but being
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much more active as individual citizens.
That's one side now. The other side
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that I want to talk about next
is the importance of language used by leaders.
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And you say in your book both
both Democrats and Republicans used hateful language.
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You said, over the last four
years, particularly language used by leaders
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has been enormously divisive and even sadistic. They have essentially given Americans permission to
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hate, to lie, and to
demean those who consider to be their opposition.
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We know at leads from credible research
that when leaders talk and disparaging ways
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about people that they object to,
or ideas or theories they object to,
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particularly it's cruel language. It filters
down to the population as a whole.
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And what it does do is it
desensitizes people. We have language now that
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we've never used in our history,
and we don't see people crossing the aisle
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as we used to twenty thirty years
ago. Democrats stay in their own little
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cocoon, and Republicans stay in theirs. But we have seen this language infiltrate
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even to the even to young children. They hear it on TV. They're
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getting ready for school in the morning
and it's on one of the news stations,
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and it affects them. It makes
them feel more insecure. But it
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has become commonplace, and that's dangerous
because we're not being kind to each other,
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even civil to each other. If
someone objects to what you believe in,
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then you attack them. That's the
new mode. Rather than trying to
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understand them, we attack, right, there's no discourse. One of the
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things I appreciated about your book in
terms of that example is you talk about
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how John McCain and Barack Obama were
able to discourse even though they each disagree
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with each other, they both outward
publicly respected each other and worked to converse
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and talk about the issues versus just
simply put each other down. Yeah.
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I love the example. The actual
event that took place when John McCain was
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running against Barack Obama and a woman
came up to him and mentioned that Barack
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Obama was an Arab, and John
McCain took the microphone away from her,
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and he said, no, he
isn't. He's a US citizen, he's
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a decent human being. He happens
to be someone who has opposite political views
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than I do, But we don't
talk that way in America now. John
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McCain, I didn't agree with everything
he believed in, but what I did
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believe in is he was a patriot. He crossed the aisle. John McCain
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had friends on both sides of the
isle, and we don't see that very
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often today, right. I've heard
that from numerous sources as well, who
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I regard as being informed. And
then you also talk about in your book
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that I believe you say that Barack
Obama gave a sorry and losing the word
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a speech on behalf of John Kay
when you passed, well, John McCain
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picked Barack Obamer as one of the
people to deliver his eulogy. He's the
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word I was looking for. Yes, is amazing, It is amazing and
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such a testament. And so why
did I want to have you back on
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the show. One of course,
I'm a fan and I believe in what
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you're doing, But I think this
work is so timely and it does cross
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over both of our worlds, and
I do want to make the world a
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better place, and it does start
with being able to have more civil discourse.
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And I love I've never heard anybody
speak to empathy as deeply as you
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do, doctor Sir McCaulay. And
I know you have a profound command over
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because of the work that you do. But we'll talk more about that in
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the second segment here, But before
we get to that, I also want
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to talk about what you speak on
speak on the book regarding fixed views and
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realistic views. This is just fascinating
to me. And you say those in
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need have lost faith in government and
as a result of their vulnerabilities, are
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in a position to be easily manipulated
by hateful rhetoric blaming a fictitious enemy for
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all the wrongs in our society.
You know, at least eighty percent of
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Americans say they have no faith in
Congress. Eighty percent. That's amazing.
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It is amazing Americans say they have
no faith. No. I have a
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client who has been a lobbyist in
DC for many years, and she said,
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and she's at the end of her
career, but she said, well
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she started, you know, you
would go you would see at lunch or
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and dinner at d C. At
d C, the Republicans and Democrats would
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be eating together, she said.
It never happens now. It's like you
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can't cross the aisle even for dinner, or even have lunch, even to
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have a discussion. It's like it's
become clannish rather than actually serving the constituency
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that elected you. It's become clannish. You can't you can't go against your
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tribe. Right right, such a
missing opportunity. Let's grab our first break,
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Doctor c I'm a last Cortez,
your host. We don't know there
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with Doctor Arthur's R. McCaulay,
a licensed clinical psychologist, author of numerous
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books, and a student of the
major religions ever seeking to increase his understanding
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of in depth spiritual awakening. We've
been talking a bit about the problem of
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extremism and hate speech in the United
States. After the break, we're going
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to talk about self awareness and developing
empathy to intervene these issues. Stay with
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us, We'll be right back.
Doctor Release Cortes is a management consultant specializing
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in meaning and purpose and inspirational speaker
and author. She helps companies visioneer for
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greater purpose among stakeholders and develop purpose
inspired leadership and meaning infused cultures that elevate
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fulfillment, performance, and commitment within
the workforce. To learn more or to
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00:15:37.799 --> 00:15:43.840
invite Elise to speak to your organization, please visit her at elisecortes dot com.
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00:15:43.120 --> 00:15:54.840
Let's talk about how to get your
employees working on purpose. This is
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00:15:54.879 --> 00:15:58.559
working on Purpose with doctor release Cortes. To reach our program today or open
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00:15:58.559 --> 00:16:06.480
a converse station with aliase, send
an email to Elise Alise at elisecortes dot
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00:16:06.519 --> 00:16:15.960
com. Now back to working on
purpose. Thanks for jaying with us,
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00:16:15.960 --> 00:16:19.200
and welcome back to working on purpose. As I've watched the pandemic continue on,
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We've looked for ways to help companies
support their employees handle anxiety, stressed,
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depression, feeling disconnected, while also
helping to lift and inspire them with
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ongoing professional development. We now offer
it wellbeing web in or learning series called
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Grab your Gusto Vital Wellbeing from the
inside Out. You can learn more about
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00:16:34.360 --> 00:16:37.320
that at a lascore test dot com
or send me an email to Elise at
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leastcoretest dot com. If you're just
joining the program, my guess is doctor
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Arthur Cierra McCauley, a licensed clinical
psychologist and author of numerous books, including
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his latest called America Reunited, a
relational solution to bridge into political, social,
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and personal chasm dividing our nation.
He joins you today from Boston.
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I'm your host, Doctor Elise Cortes, so as we continue talking about your
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book, Doctor c and the forward
is incredibly powerful and I want to read
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it here for our listeners and our
viewers. It says, as doctor Schwartz
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and Berghoffer stated and forward, we
are in a dark time in the need
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of an expansive empathy to allow us
to regain our civility and our sense of
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reason. We all need to play
our part, and my hope is that
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the following pages will provide readers with
a guide to do so. The stakes
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are very, very high. My
cancer is treatable, and so is the
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cancer in our country, but only
if we devise a treatment plan that we
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are all willing to implement at least. Empathy is so critically important in this
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time because empathy is the capacity to
understand and respond to the unique experiences of
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another. It allows us to look
beyond the surface. We're not looking beyond
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the surface today. People are defined
by being labeled as a Democrat or Republican,
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and we've never had this before in
our country where people actually use this
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as part of their identity. You
know, in nineteen six, three percent
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of people who are upset if someone
if one of their adult children married someone
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of the other political party. Today
is eighty seven percent. Oh my gosh,
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which is amazing. Can you imagine
coming home and saying, Oh,
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I'm marrying a Republican or a Democrat
and your family is just they're astounded,
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they're so surprised, they're so upset
because we're using it as part of our
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personality profile rather than realizing the facts. Are Democrats indicate that Republicans are racist?
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It's not true. Republicans say that
Democrats are socialists. It's not true.
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It's a very small minority in either
party that are at those extreme and
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have those extreme views, the amount
of hate that they think they have for
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each other, it's not really the
majority of people. You know, about
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six percent of Republicans are far right, and eight percent of Democrats of progressives
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and the rest the sixty seven percent
is called the exhausted majority. The people
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in the middle right right and one
of the other things that I found so
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fascinating about what you write about.
This whole notion of extremism, I thought
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was fascinating when you talk about you
wonder if the pendulum motion between self absorption
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and narcissism and then generosity and empathy
is yet another example of this extremism that
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we're talking about right now between the
parties. Well, narcissism. We have
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seen narcissism grow more people are behaving
in narcissistic ways, and we have less
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empathy as a society. We know
that societies that have more empathy. We
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know that businesses, as you know, who have more empathy and the pathic
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environment, their profits are higher.
And in countries that have higher percentages of
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empathy, people are healthier, live
longer, are happier, and more productive.
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And children in schools who would have
taught to with empathy they have higher
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cognitive skills. Their test scores are
higher. So it's not just a soft
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skill. It really results in productive
behavior. But we're not seeing much of
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it right now. We're seeing more
self interest, self absorbed and us against
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them, you know, the black
and white thinking, that very narrow thinking
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rather than more expansive thinking. What
I think about the way you're describing this,
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doctor Ce. What really comes to
mind is sort of like a bombastic
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approach, you know, a spitting
approach to discourse or dialogue instead of what
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I'm having with you and what I
just had earlier on today with another very
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emotionally intelligent leader who knows how to
use empathy. Where there's clearly there's that
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the energy, the space is open
for interaction, for exchange, there's a
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reach for understanding. It's not a
peppering up. This is my view on
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top of the other person. That's
what I so characterize and catch that.
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It's so palpable. It's so critically
important to interact that way, especially as
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leaders, because what we have seen
in leaders in both parties, and both
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parties are guilty, is if they're
criticized, they throw the kitchen sink at
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the other right, rather than trying
to understand how come you're even saying that,
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what is your position? What is
it that you're thinking? Trying to
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understand where it comes from, rather
than just attacking. It's really bullying behavior.
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It's what bullies do, and we
see it in grown men. Now
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grown men are on the TV every
name and the stations that are adhere to
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this have large followings. And I
don't think that people that are following the
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individuals who tend to be more statistic
and aggressive with their language. I don't
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think people realize this is entertainment.
It's not news, it's not fact,
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it's entertainment. These aretainment shows,
but they don't tell the listeners that it's
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entertainment. Yes, and they're not
grasping that in between. And so you
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offer something in your book as of
course if you're prone to do because you
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stand for this, you stand for
helping people to understand their own prejudice,
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of their own biases to themselves and
to others. So you have a portion
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of the book where you talk about
the way forward is to listen to the
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brain, you say, and you
say, when we develop keen awareness,
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we become attentive to the moment,
just as you're talking about right now.
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We notice emotions as they occur before
they are altered by memories of the past,
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at that point before past conditioning takes
over. Emotions are a cue from
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which we can benefit. People can
avoid a stressed response by seeing what actually
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was taking place and by using their
empathy to allow the truth to become evident.
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Emotions are acute, as you know, they tell us something about the
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experience we're having with another human being. On the other hand, if we
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haven't worked out some of our old
conditioning, then it can interfere with them
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and we can start we can react
to impulsively quickly, and we are thinking
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becomes more distorted. So there's a
pure aspect to emotion, but there's also
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a biased aspect to emotion, where
you know, if you look like my
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ex wife, I don't have an
ex wife, but if I did,
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and I may have an uncomfortable feeling, And now I'm I'm saying, well,
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boy, you know, at least
seems kind of aloof, I don't
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really want to work in that project
with it or whatever it is. You're
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you're not using the emotion constructively because
you haven't worked out things from the past.
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We all have biases from the past. My career has been dedicated to
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helping people reduce their prejudices toward themselves
and toward others. But when we do
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that, then we can perceive clearly
but also that our emotions are a purer
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guide to what's happening in our world. Yeah, there there are a flag
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if you will. So one of
the things I want to do this with
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you today, right now in the
air too, for our listeners and our
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viewers, because you do this beautifully
in the book, Doctor c Is you
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say that in our culture today there
are many topics that will cause an emotional
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reaction and produce strong responses in people. And you say, and I'm going
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to read the list for our listeners
and our viewers. So pay attention now,
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listeners and viewers to your emotions when
I read this list. Black Lives
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Matter, me Too movement, DACA
dot com, pro life and pro choice
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movements, LBGB, LGBTQ rights,
gun control, animal rights, global climate
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change, vaccines, white supremacy,
universal healthcare, religious freedom, federal living
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wage, the Green New Deal,
evolution. For a lot of people,
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there's a lot of juice in those
things, one way or the other.
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Yes, you know. I wrote
a chapter of the book who would you
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vote for? You did Jesus,
Muhamma and Moses or Buddha? And the
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reason I pick those for is I
knew that people would react and have a
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bias, but could But the chapter
really focuses on could you ascertain the objective
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facts to who actually would be the
best leader in the particular situation, or
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would you just vote for the person
that you that you were told when you
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when you were a young child,
was the ideal figure without really ascertaining the
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facts. We've do this all the
time. One of the many things I
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admire about you and respect about you, doctor c is that you are a
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student of major the major religions of
the world, and you appreciate them,
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and you have something to learn from
and take from all of them. And
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I think that that's something that's really
really important because to your point, if
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we are reared in one certain faith
or a certain way of thinking, even
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about the political party, or about
any of the religious deities, et cetera,
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and we haven't done our own work
in our own thinking to it,
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examine and explore what's for us,
Well, what kind of thinking is that?
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What kind of a citizen is that? I think as adults, our
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responsibility is to examine our prejudices,
because we all have them. We have
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biases. We grow up with biases
toward ourselves, We go up with biases
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toward other people, other nations,
other cultures, maybe other genders, other
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ethnicities. But to be a person
that really is going to contribute to the
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world. We have to examine those
biases and we have to rid ourselves of
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them, just like in this political
climate right now where people have all these
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biases to the opposite political party.
We have to really ascertain the facts and
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find out what we've been thinking.
Is it actually true or did we hear
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it some on a broadcast or from
a particular media host, and we really
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never examined it. It takes some
time and work to figure out who we
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are to figure out what was happening
in our world. It takes time,
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and it takes work, and if
we don't invest, then we walk around
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with the started thinking all the time. I was sharing this with my friend
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Charles this morning. We run six
miles every Tuesday at six and I was
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sharing this with him, and I
was talking with you today and why this
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is such important work that if we
don't each do our own work, that
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we actually are contributing to the problem, We're not making the world better,
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We're just we're contributing to the problem. And one of the things I appreciate
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too about your book is I like
how you let us into the group therapy
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sessions and really helped us understand how
some of that work really helps people to
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examine put a mirror, if you
will, to their own biases, their
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own prejudices, to see where they
came from and just are they really true
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and how are they working for them? Incredible work that you do. You
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know, the highlight of my week
is the three Groups. So I've been
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running for many years at least,
and the reason that I love it so
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much is that people come in thinking
one thing or several things about themselves,
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and by the time they leave,
they've unlearned so much. And I think
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a lot of becoming a mature,
reasonable person is unlearning some of the faulty
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things that we learned about ourselves and
others. And it happens in group,
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in a group experience, because you
know, after people listen to you attentively
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for several months, it's hard to
deny. If nine or ten people think
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one thing of you and you think
the other, you know you're going to
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stick to your story. We're all
too subjective. We need objective feedback from
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rational reasonable people to find out who
we truly are and if what we believe
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is true or accurate. Yes,
indeed, And so that's one method to
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be able to start to set aside
as you say unlearned some of the things
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that we have accepted as truth.
Another thing that you talk about in the
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book that I find incredibly compelling,
and I believe we talked about this in
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one of the other shows before,
is this method of deliberative pulling, and
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I want to show this with our
listeners and viewers. I think it's incredibly
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useful. And if we could do
this more insight organizations, communities, companies,
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any kinds of groups, I think
it would be incredible. But you
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describe it as a method whereby a
random sample of people is brought together to
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discuss a particular topic or public interest
topic such as global warming, anything it
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could be. Materials and experts are
provided to allow for a factual assessment of
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variables involved in making decisions in small
group discussions. The method has produced encouraging
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results. People emerged less hostile to
each other realizing that they have made conclusions
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that were not fact based. This
would be incredible work to do anywhere.
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Yes, yes, and I think
it works because you're bringing in experts who
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are indicating what they believe that they
have found in their fields, and also
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you're giving material to people to read. Well. One of the keys I
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think is you're slowing down the process. You've got people on one side and
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the other side said, let's say
climate change. People don't believe that it
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exists. People that do believe it
exists. But instead of them yelling at
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each other or insulting each other,
you have moderators that are slowing down the
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process. And the key to empathy
is slow down, slow down, and
403
00:30:12.599 --> 00:30:18.480
listen. Impathic listening. Impathic listening
means I put my own views aside for
404
00:30:18.519 --> 00:30:22.400
the moment, and I want to
understand yours. And when that happens.
405
00:30:22.599 --> 00:30:27.440
In some of those meetings and deliberate
polling, seventy percent of the people change
406
00:30:27.480 --> 00:30:32.079
their minds. Seventy percent of the
people change their minds about the person on
407
00:30:32.119 --> 00:30:36.240
the other side of the table.
It was amazing, It is amazing.
408
00:30:36.240 --> 00:30:40.599
And you even say in your book
there are examples from people exiting those those
409
00:30:40.599 --> 00:30:45.640
deliberate polling groups who were veemently opposed
to each other walking in and actually hugged
410
00:30:45.720 --> 00:30:51.519
walking out. Yes, yes,
well, because you're finding the common ground,
411
00:30:52.359 --> 00:30:56.920
and politically there is more common ground. We don't hear about it.
412
00:30:56.319 --> 00:31:03.440
But if you pull the populace people
who identify as democratic or Republican. Excuse
413
00:31:03.480 --> 00:31:07.200
me, You see that there are
far more similarities than there are differences.
414
00:31:08.400 --> 00:31:14.519
Absolutely big. Your heads are not
indicating that that's absolutely where I want to
415
00:31:14.559 --> 00:31:17.559
go to next. After this next
break, doctor ce, I'm your host.
416
00:31:17.960 --> 00:31:21.680
Doctor Release Cortes were on the air
with Arthur Cierra McCauley, a licensed
417
00:31:21.680 --> 00:31:25.559
clinical psychologist, author of numerous books, and believer that self care and the
418
00:31:25.599 --> 00:31:29.759
capacity for empathy are the keys to
personal and professional success. We've been talking
419
00:31:29.759 --> 00:31:33.240
a bit about self awareness and developing
empathy to intervene in the issues of our
420
00:31:33.279 --> 00:31:37.799
times. After the break, our
last session will be focused on leaders and
421
00:31:37.839 --> 00:31:40.759
each of us what we can do
individually as our own role to improve the
422
00:31:40.799 --> 00:31:45.200
situation. Staying with us, we'll
be write back. Doctor Release Cortes is
423
00:31:45.240 --> 00:31:51.160
a management consultant specializing in meaning and
purpose and inspirational speaker and author. She
424
00:31:51.319 --> 00:31:57.160
helps companies visioneer for greater purpose among
stakeholders and develop purpose inspired leadership and meaning
425
00:31:57.200 --> 00:32:04.519
infused cultures that elevate fulfillment, performance, and commitment within the workforce. To
426
00:32:04.680 --> 00:32:07.960
learn more or to invite Elise to
speak to your organization, please visit her
427
00:32:08.039 --> 00:32:13.799
at elisecortes dot com. Let's talk
about how to get your employees working on
428
00:32:13.839 --> 00:32:24.279
purpose. This is working on Purpose
with doctor Elise Cortes. To reach our
429
00:32:24.319 --> 00:32:30.319
program today or open a conversation with
Alise, send an email to Aleise Alise
430
00:32:30.920 --> 00:32:43.720
at elisecortes dot com. Now back
to working on Purpose. Thanks for staying
431
00:32:43.759 --> 00:32:45.359
with us, and welcome back to
working on Purpose. I mentioned after the
432
00:32:45.400 --> 00:32:50.319
first break about the Grab your Gusto
Wellbeing web learning series. The content and
433
00:32:50.359 --> 00:32:53.559
that programs adapted from part one of
my recently published book called Purpose Ignited,
434
00:32:53.599 --> 00:32:58.079
How It's our Leaders Ignite Passion and
all that Cause, which is now avaiable
435
00:32:58.119 --> 00:33:00.359
on Amazon. And I wrote that
book to awaken awaken readers to their passion
436
00:33:00.400 --> 00:33:05.880
and purpose and help transform them into
inspirational leaders who enliven the workplace and elevate
437
00:33:05.920 --> 00:33:08.279
the contribution of business to all stakeholders. So that's where the content came from.
438
00:33:08.920 --> 00:33:12.880
If you're just joining us, my
guest joining us today is from Boston.
439
00:33:12.960 --> 00:33:16.240
Doctor Arthur here McCaulay, a licensed
clinical psychologist and author of numerous books,
440
00:33:16.279 --> 00:33:22.240
including his latest called America Reunited,
a relational solution to bridging the political,
441
00:33:22.319 --> 00:33:24.519
social, and personal chasm dividing our
nation. I'm your host, Doctor
442
00:33:24.599 --> 00:33:30.880
Lee's Cortes. So for this last
segment here, doctor c I want to
443
00:33:30.920 --> 00:33:34.799
talk about really what each of us
can do individually as our individual roles,
444
00:33:34.839 --> 00:33:37.839
as well as what leaders can do
to start to ameliorate the situation, if
445
00:33:37.839 --> 00:33:42.480
you will, and I want to
start very deeply with your perspective and your
446
00:33:42.559 --> 00:33:47.160
learned views on empathy and forgiveness.
You talk about origins of hate as often
447
00:33:47.240 --> 00:33:52.359
rooted in early deprivation or abuse and
result in blaming of others for what a
448
00:33:52.359 --> 00:33:55.279
young person could not control or alter. Would you help us understand say more
449
00:33:55.279 --> 00:34:00.559
about this. I think that listeners
and viewers will really be quite taken aback
450
00:34:00.599 --> 00:34:02.839
to really recognize just what is at
the heart of this. You mentioned this
451
00:34:02.880 --> 00:34:07.840
in the first segment that the person
hitting with the baton is actually it's not
452
00:34:07.880 --> 00:34:14.920
about politics, So what are we
looking at here? It's always fascinated me
453
00:34:14.960 --> 00:34:21.360
at least that people that grow up
in very very difficult circumstances, one person
454
00:34:21.440 --> 00:34:25.679
will be that person with the baton
hitting the innocent police officer, and another
455
00:34:25.719 --> 00:34:30.960
person has worked out their difficulties for
given the people that have hurt them because
456
00:34:31.000 --> 00:34:37.239
they've used empathy to understand, They
understand their circumstances. And one of the
457
00:34:37.239 --> 00:34:42.320
things that comes with empathy is that
you realize that most of the time people
458
00:34:42.400 --> 00:34:46.920
gave to give you what they can, they give you to the extent of
459
00:34:47.000 --> 00:34:52.239
ability they have. So you may
have not been treated very well, but
460
00:34:52.280 --> 00:34:57.800
it isn't necessarily because that's an evil
person who wanted to intentionally hurt you.
461
00:34:58.280 --> 00:35:01.679
Maybe this person, maybe you parents, or coaches, or whoever it is
462
00:35:01.719 --> 00:35:07.519
that may have even amused you or
treated you inappropriately. It's coming to understand
463
00:35:07.559 --> 00:35:13.280
who they are, not necessarily approving
of any of their behavior. You don't
464
00:35:13.320 --> 00:35:17.079
have to approve to forgive, but
to move on, you have to understand
465
00:35:17.119 --> 00:35:22.840
where people are coming from and that
it wasn't as personal as you may have
466
00:35:22.920 --> 00:35:29.159
felt as a child. So some
people overcome, They go into therapy,
467
00:35:29.480 --> 00:35:32.199
they go into some of the groups
that we just talked about, They talk
468
00:35:32.280 --> 00:35:37.079
to friends, they open up.
It's not something you can keep to yourself
469
00:35:37.119 --> 00:35:42.920
and work out. You need objective
feedback from other people. But some people
470
00:35:43.039 --> 00:35:46.000
develop the hate that we've seen recently, and they hold on to it tightly
471
00:35:46.760 --> 00:35:51.719
and they want to abuse other people
to kind of correct the abuse that they
472
00:35:51.800 --> 00:35:55.440
experience. And what they're doing is
they're putting old faces on new faces.
473
00:35:57.159 --> 00:36:00.519
They don't even they're that person who
was hitting the officers with I mean,
474
00:36:00.559 --> 00:36:05.760
he doesn't even know that person.
So that person's he's making up for what
475
00:36:05.880 --> 00:36:10.079
was done to him by doing it
to an innocent person who has nothing to
476
00:36:10.119 --> 00:36:15.519
do with him. And that's how
misdirected it can be. But there are
477
00:36:15.800 --> 00:36:22.360
ways of resolving these kind of difficulties, there are ways of overcoming trauma and
478
00:36:24.639 --> 00:36:29.039
so on. Two things I got
from that doctor c One is that I
479
00:36:29.360 --> 00:36:31.920
really got so present that you know, when we see these these people with
480
00:36:32.079 --> 00:36:37.679
these tremendously hateful speech and these hateful
actions, really what we're seeing, if
481
00:36:37.800 --> 00:36:40.679
you tell me if I'm wrong about
this, is this is a person literally
482
00:36:40.719 --> 00:36:45.440
on stage and raw of their own
experience, their own wounds. They are
483
00:36:45.679 --> 00:36:52.199
they are projecting out the self hatred
they have onto someone else. They are
484
00:36:52.280 --> 00:36:55.760
reliving their childhood. They're returning to
the scene of the crime and reliving it
485
00:36:55.800 --> 00:37:01.400
on innocent people. And it speaks
to a sense of inadequacy and insecurity.
486
00:37:01.719 --> 00:37:06.960
People who are aggressive, people who
are statistic, are never happy people.
487
00:37:07.400 --> 00:37:12.400
They're miserable because they always have an
enemy. There's always somebody that they're complaining
488
00:37:12.440 --> 00:37:15.119
about, somebody that they want to
get even with. And what wait,
489
00:37:15.239 --> 00:37:20.199
how can you feel in ease within
yourself or have any sense of serenity when
490
00:37:20.239 --> 00:37:23.760
you're always trying to fight with someone
And it speaks to insecurity. And I
491
00:37:23.800 --> 00:37:29.639
think it's very important that we know
that when you see leaders talking that way,
492
00:37:29.559 --> 00:37:34.199
they're sharing with you their inadequacy.
Yes, that's exactly what I wanted
493
00:37:34.199 --> 00:37:37.719
to showcase Dotrace, just because that
is when people really understand that that's what
494
00:37:37.800 --> 00:37:40.880
that is. Now they really have, I hope, the capacity to start
495
00:37:40.880 --> 00:37:45.159
to look and use empathy. And
you say it because you say your own
496
00:37:45.199 --> 00:37:47.440
hurt gets in the way of being
a whole empathetic person. And so if
497
00:37:47.480 --> 00:37:51.639
we can recognize that's what's really going
on here, I think we can start
498
00:37:51.679 --> 00:37:57.119
to separate the weed from the chef. We have to not idealize sadistic leaders.
499
00:37:57.719 --> 00:38:00.320
We have to look up to leaders
who lead with integrity, authenticity,
500
00:38:00.400 --> 00:38:06.480
and empathy, what I call soulful
leaders, because these are the people that
501
00:38:06.519 --> 00:38:09.400
people want to be around them and
want to be around and learn from,
502
00:38:09.760 --> 00:38:15.239
and they establish an environment where it's
very high spirited. The other environment is
503
00:38:15.280 --> 00:38:21.239
one of fear. They lead through
aggression and fear. They're always threatening people.
504
00:38:21.880 --> 00:38:24.360
And then some people take that on
it's thinking, oh, how strong
505
00:38:24.519 --> 00:38:29.280
that person is. It is not
strength at all. It is, as
506
00:38:29.360 --> 00:38:37.039
I said a few minutes ago,
it's the depths of inadequacy. I entirely
507
00:38:37.119 --> 00:38:38.920
understand that. And I really wanted
to make sure that you speak to them.
508
00:38:39.000 --> 00:38:42.599
You did that beautifully. And then
now I want to go on to
509
00:38:42.840 --> 00:38:45.000
this whole notion of and you started
to say this in the lasting that of
510
00:38:45.000 --> 00:38:49.760
thing, but the divide, you
say is actually driven less by the adherence
511
00:38:49.800 --> 00:38:52.400
to the positions held by each party, but more by the hate they have
512
00:38:52.480 --> 00:38:57.599
cultivated for each other, and that
they both overestimate how much members of the
513
00:38:57.639 --> 00:39:01.320
other party dislike them. And then
they also resumeate the degree to which with
514
00:39:01.440 --> 00:39:07.039
those of sorry they disagreegree to which
they disagree on central issues, and they
515
00:39:07.079 --> 00:39:10.079
agree on certain others. And so
would you speak a bit about to this
516
00:39:10.119 --> 00:39:15.400
whole notion of back on the leadership
front here of what's happening between these parties
517
00:39:15.440 --> 00:39:21.000
that continues to fuel this extremism and
this hate, well both sides are guilty
518
00:39:21.039 --> 00:39:25.960
of dehumanizing each other. And I
think that it is a select view at
519
00:39:25.960 --> 00:39:34.280
the top that influenced people going down
going down the ladder in particular parties.
520
00:39:34.519 --> 00:39:38.199
We as Americans have to vote for
people that cross the aisle. We have
521
00:39:38.320 --> 00:39:42.960
to start. We have to demand
that people across the aisle. We can
522
00:39:43.039 --> 00:39:47.280
no longer just vote our party.
You know, voting your party in today's
523
00:39:47.280 --> 00:39:53.360
world means that you have to eliminate
fifty percent of other people's views. We
524
00:39:53.440 --> 00:39:58.159
need people across the aisle. We
need people who serve that the citizens and
525
00:39:58.320 --> 00:40:02.199
voted them into office, not people
that just go along with whatever party they
526
00:40:02.280 --> 00:40:07.679
belong to. That's that's what we
have too much of. Agreed, And
527
00:40:07.880 --> 00:40:10.119
as you say in your book,
I do the same thing. You say.
528
00:40:10.159 --> 00:40:15.039
You tend not to necessarily vote by
a party line, but what for
529
00:40:15.119 --> 00:40:19.880
whatever person represents what you what you
what you tend to align with or can
530
00:40:20.000 --> 00:40:22.440
support. Am I right about that? Did I get that right? Yeah?
531
00:40:22.480 --> 00:40:25.239
I mean I tend to vote for
the person, not the party,
532
00:40:25.320 --> 00:40:29.199
the person of the party. Yes, yes, me too. I wanted
533
00:40:29.239 --> 00:40:31.280
to make sure I got that accurate. I wanted to make sure that that
534
00:40:31.280 --> 00:40:36.519
that I didn't say anything that was
erroneous on your on your behalf. So
535
00:40:36.840 --> 00:40:38.599
then let's go back to what you
and I said in the first segment here,
536
00:40:38.639 --> 00:40:43.199
is that we need to do our
jobs as citizens, as individual citizens.
537
00:40:43.639 --> 00:40:46.960
And you say, we've become accustomed
to terms like alternative facts, fake
538
00:40:47.079 --> 00:40:51.679
news, the far right, the
far left, all terms that indicate bias
539
00:40:51.719 --> 00:40:54.039
in choosing a side. And so
again this is where we get into this
540
00:40:54.119 --> 00:40:59.119
notion of what are what are we
watching? Are we watching entertainment or what
541
00:40:59.159 --> 00:41:00.400
are we watching here? And and
you also, and this is actually really
542
00:41:00.440 --> 00:41:05.320
important, you also say then that
as a results a tendency to lose faith
543
00:41:05.400 --> 00:41:08.800
in all news and all authorities.
And as New York Times Calmis matt By
544
00:41:08.880 --> 00:41:13.239
points out, if we lose faith
in being able to determine the difference between
545
00:41:13.360 --> 00:41:17.360
entertainment and reality, between fiction and
nonfiction, we will further accentuate a world
546
00:41:17.519 --> 00:41:24.159
built on marketeers and media. Yes, and I mean his comments are very
547
00:41:24.239 --> 00:41:30.360
poignant and very very important, because
again, when you're watching news and nightly
548
00:41:30.440 --> 00:41:37.679
news in particular, under different stations, you have to separate what is entertainment
549
00:41:38.239 --> 00:41:45.119
versus what its facts, and when
people are talking with great intensity and great
550
00:41:45.199 --> 00:41:52.880
passion with very degrading, dehumanizing language. Don't trust them. Don't trust them
551
00:41:52.039 --> 00:41:57.280
because the likelihood that that person is
giving you an accurate depiction of what's happening
552
00:41:57.320 --> 00:42:02.119
in our world is very low if
it all existed, because there's no reason
553
00:42:02.199 --> 00:42:07.480
to talk that way, there's no
reason to dehumanize other people. That's a
554
00:42:07.519 --> 00:42:10.920
person who has an agenda, and
always be careful to not take in people
555
00:42:12.000 --> 00:42:15.280
that have an agenda, and then
trying to get you to come on board
556
00:42:15.559 --> 00:42:20.280
and start to talk and act in
the same way. One of the things
557
00:42:20.280 --> 00:42:23.280
that you also point out in the
book, which I certainly subscribe to and
558
00:42:23.440 --> 00:42:28.360
do my best to it here too, is you talk about the importance of
559
00:42:28.400 --> 00:42:34.679
getting your news from different outlets by
intentionally making sure that you are not just
560
00:42:34.920 --> 00:42:38.760
receiving from your usual posts, but
doing your homework and trying to get a
561
00:42:38.840 --> 00:42:44.880
variety of voices and perspectives in the
mix. Some of the studies that I
562
00:42:44.960 --> 00:42:49.079
cite in the book A Lease is
the people that watch the same news programs
563
00:42:49.119 --> 00:42:52.760
every evening have the highest rate of
distorted thinking. Yes, because they're listening
564
00:42:52.800 --> 00:42:59.519
to the same commentators over and over
again. But always remember pay attention to
565
00:42:59.639 --> 00:43:04.199
the land language. I know I'm
repeating myself, but it's so critically important.
566
00:43:04.519 --> 00:43:08.639
When the language becomes disparaging, don't
trust that the information you're receiving.
567
00:43:10.280 --> 00:43:14.320
So what I certainly want to emphasize
here on this show, and again one
568
00:43:14.360 --> 00:43:16.440
of the many reasons I wanted to
have you on again is is I am
569
00:43:16.599 --> 00:43:21.159
asking what do I stand for?
Is I am like you in many ways,
570
00:43:21.599 --> 00:43:23.480
I am standing to try to help
elevate the world, help elevate our
571
00:43:23.519 --> 00:43:30.000
consciousness, our own positive impact in
the world, our own our own ability
572
00:43:30.039 --> 00:43:34.039
to make a difference with our one
precious life. So what I'm asking you
573
00:43:34.199 --> 00:43:37.360
readers, excuse me, listeners and
viewers, is to do more of your
574
00:43:37.360 --> 00:43:39.840
homework, to step up on a
bigger on a bigger fashion and how it
575
00:43:39.920 --> 00:43:45.320
is that you consume and evaluate news, right, That's what we're doing here,
576
00:43:45.360 --> 00:43:50.159
So I really wanted to make sure
we got that point across. I
577
00:43:50.199 --> 00:43:53.400
think you're you know, you're encouraging
listeners to do their homework about your own
578
00:43:53.480 --> 00:44:00.159
background and also to not just accept
a face value what you hear, but
579
00:44:00.360 --> 00:44:07.320
also examine the personality of the person
who's giving the information, because that's critically
580
00:44:07.360 --> 00:44:10.840
important. It is it is.
And as we get closer to the end
581
00:44:10.880 --> 00:44:15.000
here of our time together, I
want to say, which I think is
582
00:44:15.000 --> 00:44:17.599
a perfect way to finish, And
then I want you to close with your
583
00:44:17.639 --> 00:44:22.639
own thoughts. But you say,
ultimately one must choose tolerance of diverse ideas
584
00:44:22.719 --> 00:44:25.760
rather than a narrow minded, dogmatic
view. If one will open his heart
585
00:44:25.760 --> 00:44:30.840
and become more vulnerable while acknowledging and
resolving the hurts of his life that have
586
00:44:30.960 --> 00:44:35.199
remained unhealed, the heart will soften
and anger will dissipate. The world will
587
00:44:35.199 --> 00:44:39.840
expand as one's range of friendships,
resulting in a high spirited, happy life.
588
00:44:40.079 --> 00:44:45.480
We are a diverse nation. That's
what we are today. We are
589
00:44:45.519 --> 00:44:50.360
a diverse nation, and diversity allows
us to learn from people that think differently
590
00:44:50.800 --> 00:44:53.199
than we do, have a different
perspective than we do, they have grown
591
00:44:53.239 --> 00:44:59.079
up in a different culture than It
makes the world exciting. Rather than shutting
592
00:44:59.119 --> 00:45:02.960
down diversity, which we've seen,
when we close the door, and we
593
00:45:04.079 --> 00:45:07.599
have we have the other side is
the enemy. Open the door, be
594
00:45:08.119 --> 00:45:12.480
exposed to different points of view.
You don't have to take them all in,
595
00:45:12.559 --> 00:45:15.559
but at least this is an opportunity
to learn. We learned from people
596
00:45:15.599 --> 00:45:20.639
that have had different experiences than we've
had. If you just stay in your
597
00:45:20.719 --> 00:45:27.119
little group, you become very very
narrow minded and small minded. Agreed,
598
00:45:28.280 --> 00:45:31.719
So you know how I do my
show. I read your book from cover
599
00:45:31.760 --> 00:45:37.760
to cover, I take voracious notes, and I really create the conversation around
600
00:45:37.840 --> 00:45:42.000
what I think is important based on
what I've already had on the show and
601
00:45:42.360 --> 00:45:44.880
what I'm trying to put forth and
curate into the world. So we have
602
00:45:44.920 --> 00:45:46.760
a few more minutes here, doctor
c. So what else would you like
603
00:45:46.840 --> 00:45:53.440
to make sure that our listeners understand, learn hear from you. I think
604
00:45:53.519 --> 00:46:00.639
probably one of the most important things
is that we need every single human being
605
00:46:00.760 --> 00:46:04.320
that lives in this country to make
an effort. We need to make an
606
00:46:04.360 --> 00:46:08.199
effort. We need to slow down, We need to listen empathically, need
607
00:46:08.239 --> 00:46:13.760
to expand our empathy and try to
understand people that seem different from us.
608
00:46:14.280 --> 00:46:19.920
You know, people make discriminatory remarks
or make judgments just on the way people
609
00:46:19.960 --> 00:46:23.320
look. Now we know that from
credible studies as well. Open the door,
610
00:46:23.679 --> 00:46:28.480
don't assume that you know the other
person, and examine some of the
611
00:46:28.480 --> 00:46:34.440
biases that you've had toward yourself in
the world that you've heard early on in
612
00:46:34.480 --> 00:46:37.840
life as well. We have to
do that, but we have to do
613
00:46:37.920 --> 00:46:42.079
it now, and we have to
demand more from the people that lead our
614
00:46:42.119 --> 00:46:45.760
communities, our states, and our
country. One of the things I want
615
00:46:45.760 --> 00:46:49.880
to make sure that our listeners and
viewers really get from you that I would
616
00:46:50.320 --> 00:46:53.519
wager about that most people don't understand. And because I think there's a lot
617
00:46:53.519 --> 00:46:58.719
of talk these days about emotional intelligence
and empathy, but what I don't think
618
00:46:58.719 --> 00:47:04.079
people really really understand is that empathy
is a remarkable tool, as you say,
619
00:47:04.480 --> 00:47:07.960
to slow down, which allows you
them to get a hold of those
620
00:47:07.000 --> 00:47:10.920
emotions and understand what they're trying to
tell you before you just simply react from
621
00:47:10.960 --> 00:47:15.119
them. So that whole notion of
you just said it to be able to
622
00:47:15.159 --> 00:47:20.440
slow down. Why is it that
empathy allows us to slow down? When
623
00:47:20.480 --> 00:47:25.519
we give in received empathy, we
produce the hormone oxytocin, which is the
624
00:47:25.599 --> 00:47:30.119
love homon, the connecting hormone.
It makes people feel safe, it makes
625
00:47:30.119 --> 00:47:34.679
people feel secure, it makes you
feel closer to the other individual. So
626
00:47:35.079 --> 00:47:39.440
it's actually we're creating a brain change. So when you give and received empathy,
627
00:47:39.719 --> 00:47:45.920
why is it that in those deliberate
polling groups that people change their minds
628
00:47:45.159 --> 00:47:50.840
because they were having empathic interchange with
each other. They started to feel rather
629
00:47:50.880 --> 00:47:54.079
than feel prejudiced towards the other person, they were feeling safe with the other
630
00:47:54.159 --> 00:48:00.239
person. You can't do that if
you don't slow down and listen. The
631
00:48:00.239 --> 00:48:02.519
old adage of we get two years
in one month God gave us you know
632
00:48:02.559 --> 00:48:07.280
that we should listen twice as much
as we talk. Ask yourself, do
633
00:48:07.360 --> 00:48:10.960
you talk more in an interaction or
do you listen more? You listen more,
634
00:48:12.000 --> 00:48:16.679
you learn more, and yes,
And there is a reason that I
635
00:48:16.800 --> 00:48:21.000
keep hosting this radio show as you
as you know, because I do learn
636
00:48:21.039 --> 00:48:23.800
so much from people who help me
expand my thinking, my understanding of the
637
00:48:23.800 --> 00:48:29.199
world, my place in it.
And it's and sometimes I don't necessarily agree
638
00:48:29.239 --> 00:48:31.559
with what they have to say or
their perspective, and so learning and hearing
639
00:48:31.559 --> 00:48:36.719
where it comes from helps me understand
and expand my person in the world.
640
00:48:36.800 --> 00:48:38.559
And that's what I want to do
and I want help others do the same.
641
00:48:38.679 --> 00:48:43.320
So I really appreciate you coming back
and joining us for our fourth time,
642
00:48:43.400 --> 00:48:46.000
doctor Ce And it's just every time
I talk with you, I feel
643
00:48:46.039 --> 00:48:50.880
like the world somehow gets a little
bit bigger. So thank you for joining
644
00:48:50.920 --> 00:48:53.920
us. Well, thank you very
much, Elise. You know you are
645
00:48:54.000 --> 00:49:00.480
the host who really reads a book. I have taught that frequently. I
646
00:49:00.519 --> 00:49:02.079
always look at your notes and they
feel like, oh my god. You
647
00:49:02.079 --> 00:49:07.519
know, I mean you do your
homework because you are a curious person,
648
00:49:07.599 --> 00:49:10.000
and I think you're a lifelong learner. So I appreciate that very much.
649
00:49:10.400 --> 00:49:15.480
I am, and I thank you
to get to learn from you listeners and
650
00:49:15.559 --> 00:49:17.039
viewers. If you want to learn
more about doctor Arthur Seer McCaulay, his
651
00:49:17.199 --> 00:49:21.599
work or his books, maybe you
could start just by going to Balance your
652
00:49:21.679 --> 00:49:24.440
Success dot com is at the best
place, doctor seed Well, the new
653
00:49:24.440 --> 00:49:30.360
book is on Amazon. That probably
the quickest way to read a summary of
654
00:49:30.400 --> 00:49:34.119
it or to obtain it if you'd
like to. Okay, and thanks again
655
00:49:34.159 --> 00:49:37.440
for our partnering sponsor work Proud,
which helps companies build a platform where your
656
00:49:37.480 --> 00:49:40.440
workforce receives meaningful feedback and thanks for
their work from people across your company.
657
00:49:40.960 --> 00:49:44.840
Last week, you give missed the
live show you can always catch be recorded
658
00:49:44.880 --> 00:49:46.960
podcast. We were on the air
with Joyce Tom of Energy at Work,
659
00:49:47.079 --> 00:49:51.639
talking about the work she does helping
leaders and organizations to build the resilience,
660
00:49:51.880 --> 00:49:55.960
agility, and energy necessary to feel
ongoing business and personal growth. Next week,
661
00:49:57.000 --> 00:50:00.320
we'll be on the air with Sean
Harvey, a chief compassion officer and
662
00:50:00.400 --> 00:50:04.920
masculinity guide at Simponia Men's Study.
We'll be talking about his work addressing the
663
00:50:04.960 --> 00:50:09.480
emerging narrative around the next frontier of
men's healing and transformation work demas defying gender
664
00:50:09.519 --> 00:50:15.000
at work to navigate the shifting gender
rules and roles, and integrating compassion into
665
00:50:15.079 --> 00:50:17.880
masculine systems and cultures. See you
there, Remember that works at least a
666
00:50:17.920 --> 00:50:27.119
third of our life. So let's
work on purpose. We hope you've enjoyed
667
00:50:27.119 --> 00:50:30.360
this week's program. Be sure to
tune in to Working on Purpose, featuring
668
00:50:30.400 --> 00:50:36.199
your host, doctor Elise Cortes,
each week on the Voice America Empowerment Channel.
669
00:50:36.880 --> 00:50:43.400
Together, we'll create a world where
business operates conscientiously, leadership inspires impassioned
670
00:50:43.440 --> 00:50:47.400
performance, and employees are fulfilled in
work that provides the meaning and purpose they
671
00:50:47.519 --> 00:50:52.159
crave. See you there, Let's
work on Purpose.
1
00:00:05.000 --> 00:00:09.160
What's working on purpose anyway? Each
week we ponder the answer to this question.
2
00:00:09.800 --> 00:00:14.480
People ache for meaning and purpose at
work, to contribute their talents passionately
3
00:00:14.800 --> 00:00:19.320
and know their lives really matter.
They crave being part of an organization that
4
00:00:19.399 --> 00:00:24.600
inspires them and helps them grow into
realizing their highest potential. Business can be
5
00:00:24.679 --> 00:00:29.160
such a force for good in the
world, elevating humanity. In our program,
6
00:00:29.359 --> 00:00:33.320
we provide guidance and inspiration to help
usher in this world we all want
7
00:00:34.000 --> 00:00:40.479
Working on Purpose. Now Here is
your host, doctor Elise Cortes. Welcome
8
00:00:40.520 --> 00:00:43.320
back to the Working on Purpose Program. Thanks for tuning in again this week.
9
00:00:43.359 --> 00:00:46.119
I'm your host, doctor Relise Cortez
during new lie from Dallas, which
10
00:00:46.119 --> 00:00:48.520
is home base for me. If
you don't know me yet, I'm a
11
00:00:48.520 --> 00:00:53.320
management consultant specializing in meeting and purpose, organizational logo therapist, inspirational speaker,
12
00:00:53.520 --> 00:00:56.359
social scientist, and author. You
can learn more about me and how it
13
00:00:56.399 --> 00:01:00.640
can work together at Eliscortes dot com
or Gusto Dshnow, let me thank my
14
00:01:00.719 --> 00:01:04.560
partner and sponsor, Work Proud.
We are a perfect collaboration. Everyone wants
15
00:01:04.599 --> 00:01:07.239
to know they matter, that the
work they do is meaningful and appreciated.
16
00:01:07.519 --> 00:01:11.560
Work Proud is a mobile platform built
to encourage employees to share stories and recognize
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00:01:11.560 --> 00:01:17.040
each other's contribution. Work Proud empowers
hr and business leaders to help create company
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00:01:17.040 --> 00:01:19.319
cultures where all employees are inspired to
feel proud of their work. I'm proud
19
00:01:19.319 --> 00:01:23.480
of their company. Learn more at
workproud dot com. With us today is
20
00:01:23.519 --> 00:01:27.640
doctor Arthur Cera McCauley, a licensed
clinical psychologist who has been treating clients for
21
00:01:27.680 --> 00:01:32.519
more than thirty five years. He
is currently in private practice while also developing
22
00:01:32.560 --> 00:01:36.680
courses and podcasts for an educational company
in China. Based on his recent books,
23
00:01:36.840 --> 00:01:40.200
The Power of Empathy, The Soulful
Leader, and The Triumph of Diversity,
24
00:01:40.560 --> 00:01:44.560
His latest book expresses his heartbreak at
the divisiveness and hate speech predominant in
25
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the United States, a cancer he
stands to eradicate through his teachings. His
26
00:01:48.719 --> 00:01:53.159
book is called America Reunited, a
relational solution to bridging a political, social,
27
00:01:53.200 --> 00:01:56.599
and personal chasm dividing our nation,
which we be talking about in today's
28
00:01:56.599 --> 00:02:00.439
conversation. He joined today from Boston. Doctor Sera mcauleague, welcome back for
29
00:02:00.560 --> 00:02:04.239
the fourth time working on purpose.
Thank you, it's good to see you.
30
00:02:04.599 --> 00:02:07.280
It's great to see you. It's
really great to see you. And
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as I say here, this is
your fourth time. You are the only
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guest that I've had on my show
four times. I think I've had somebody
33
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on twice and thrice, but never
before. Well, I'm honored to be
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00:02:16.520 --> 00:02:21.719
here again. Yes, me too. And before we get into situating the
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whole problem of extremism and hate speech, which is really what you're addressing in
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00:02:24.840 --> 00:02:28.680
your book, I want to start
with you, doctor c as we like
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00:02:28.719 --> 00:02:32.120
to call each other, this being
your fourth time, because you keep writing
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00:02:32.159 --> 00:02:37.840
books, but this book that you've
written this time is intensely personal and even
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00:02:37.840 --> 00:02:42.199
a bigger reach for you to a
larger audience because you were diagnosed with plasma
40
00:02:42.199 --> 00:02:45.439
miloma cells recently, which means,
as you say in this book, that
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you have cancer in your heart,
which I find just completely ironic, given
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that you've done so much work helping
people work on their own hearts. How's
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00:02:53.520 --> 00:02:55.439
it going, How are you feeling. I'm feeling great. My numbers are
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down. I have a great treatment
team here in Boston. It toughs medical
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sun, so I'm doing very well. I'm very fortunate to be in this
46
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area to obtain expert treatment. I
see one of the experts in the world
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of this alm or doss, these
toxic proteins that can locate in your heart.
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One of the reasons I included the
story in the introduction to the book
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A Lease is that I wanted to
display to the reader how powerful emotions can
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be and how they distort perceptions.
You know, this concept of confirmation bias,
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that we the outcome that we want
to see, that we actually produced
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it in our minds, even though
it may not be there. And for
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instance, when I first heard that
I had cancer of these toxic proteins in
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my heart, I still right now, even when I say the word,
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I don't feel like I have it. So intellectually there's one knowledge base,
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and then on an emotional level there's
somewhat of a denial there. As you
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and I were talking a little earlier
before we came on air. But you
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know, nutrition has say that we
are what we eat. What I say
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as a clinical psychologist, that we
are what we and I think our perceptions
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have been so distorted recently in this
country on both sides of the Aisle,
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Democrats Republicans, the hateful speech,
the sadistic actions, and it really has
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demoralized Americans in a great way.
Yes, I completely agree with that,
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and I appreciate what you say.
Also early in your book, is you
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talk about that it as you were
navigating your own cancer journey, that you
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also saw that there was really the
United States was being confronted with its own
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cancer and its denial of and its
level of unrest in recent years, and
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instead chooses to see America as the
greatest nation without really engaging an objective and
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Elsis, I thought that was incredibly
profoundly real and thoughtful and accurate, you
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know, and I would like to
believe that it isn't true, but it
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is true, and we have to
face up to it. That we have
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right now the greatest rates of prejudice
that we've had in the last thirty years.
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Anti Semitism, we know, just
in the last few weeks it's up.
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Racis has increased, is lawophobia is
up, discrimination against people of different
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sexual orientation, it's up. And
suicide suicide is up dramatically in our country.
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So we're in trouble. America is
in trouble, and we need to
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address it. We need to address
it comprehensively. Yeah, and what I
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also appreciate. I completely agree with
that, by the way, and I'm
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so happy to have you on the
show talking about the importance of this and
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doing so in a way that I
think is reasonable and actionable for all of
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us. I really, I just
you know that I've been a fan of
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yours for years and what you've now
brought to the world I think is just
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so important and so timely. And
when you were talking specifically about this notion
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of the societal disease that manifests from
hateful speech and hateful actions is vengeon and
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as you said, outright sadism,
and you address the need to understand and
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influence those who feel disenfranchised, disenfranchised
and left behind. I think that's really
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important to talk about, is that
there is such an enormous general population that
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does feel disenfranchised and left beyond it, just because a little bit to help
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us understand just kind of the numbers
you write in the book are phenomenal,
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just huge, Well, forty million
people, at least forty million people are
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living below the poverty line, and
sixteen million children. And the suicide rates
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and this is mainly in the Midwest
and the South, but the suicide rates
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in the Midwest, it's now been
called the Mountain States are called the suicide
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belt because there's so many unemployed people. And if you combine unemployment, gun
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ownership, and alcoholism or opiate addiction, you have high suicide rates. So
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it's a deep concern, a deep
concern. And if people don't have employment,
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they're very apt to listen to distorted
views on media outlets and radio and
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so forth, you know, and
be convinced that because they're looking for an
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enemy. Oftentimes, people, particularly
people would suit stick cores, people that
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tend to project out their dissatisfaction rather
than acknowledging it inwardly. They're blamers.
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They blame other people. So now
they're being given a cause. The Democrats
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hate the Republicans, the Republicans hate
the Democrats, and it goes back and
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forth needlessly because a lot of their
dilemmas, especially that tendency to be statistic,
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to be hurtful to others, has
nothing to do with politics, nothing
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to do with politics whatsoever. This
is a personality issue. You know,
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when we saw the uprising in April
sixth in the Capitol of January sixth,
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I'm sorry, in the Capitol and
we saw a man with a pole,
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you know, hitting a guard.
That man hitting that guy, that had
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nothing to do with his political persuasions. Because I know many Republicans. I
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have Republican friends that have Republican patients
who would never do that in their wildness
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dream. They would never pick up
a poll that hit an innocent person.
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That's a personality issue. So I
think in the media we haven't talked about
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it that way. We haven't talked
about it as a psychological issue, because
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that's what it is. It's not
a political issue. And that and one
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of the other things that I found
fascinating about your writing at this time in
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this book is that you talk about
how more and more Americans have been adopting
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extreme views to the right or to
the left, and some of the very
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serious conflicts that you've already brought up
to come to that and to the point
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even this extremism is that when I
read this, I laughed, But I
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00:08:30.079 --> 00:08:31.399
shouldn't have, because I do.
I've heard it all over the place.
120
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You said that you know couples whose
significant other doesn't agree with their political position
121
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oftentimes I'm not really allowed to sleep
in the same room with them. I
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mean, it's incredible. Yeah.
You know, I've been a practice and
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clinical psychologist, as you said in
the introduction, for a long time,
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and never in my thirty five years
of practicing have I had indications at times
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00:08:56.480 --> 00:09:01.200
where people talk about politics in therapy. But it's so common now, and
126
00:09:01.240 --> 00:09:05.320
it's been so common for so long. It seems like a little less in
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00:09:05.320 --> 00:09:09.320
the last few months. But it
is people have tuned in in ways that
128
00:09:09.360 --> 00:09:15.960
they never have before, and that
tuning into stations and outlets that may not
129
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necessarily be telling them the truth.
We have to really work to distinguish between
130
00:09:20.679 --> 00:09:26.480
fiction and nonfiction, entertainment and facts, you know. And that's that's where
131
00:09:26.480 --> 00:09:30.279
I talk a lot about empathy,
because empathy is a capacity that allows us
132
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to see the whole field, all
the variables that we've encountered, so we
133
00:09:35.000 --> 00:09:37.799
can ascertain the facts. It helps
us see the long beyond the surface.
134
00:09:39.679 --> 00:09:41.519
But in the nightly news and most
of the stations, you know, their
135
00:09:41.559 --> 00:09:46.120
biases in different ways, and we
have to we have to be a little
136
00:09:46.200 --> 00:09:52.480
tolerant and about doing some of the
hard work to ascertain the facts and not
137
00:09:52.600 --> 00:09:56.919
assume that we've just got to tweet
on our computer on our phone and it
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tells us what's happening in the world
today because it could be vastly inaccurate.
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Yeah, so too, And we'll
be definitely talking more deeply about this in
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the third segment as well, and
died more deeply into that, but being
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much more active as individual citizens.
That's one side now. The other side
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that I want to talk about next
is the importance of language used by leaders.
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And you say in your book both
both Democrats and Republicans used hateful language.
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You said, over the last four
years, particularly language used by leaders
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has been enormously divisive and even sadistic. They have essentially given Americans permission to
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hate, to lie, and to
demean those who consider to be their opposition.
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We know at leads from credible research
that when leaders talk and disparaging ways
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about people that they object to,
or ideas or theories they object to,
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particularly it's cruel language. It filters
down to the population as a whole.
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And what it does do is it
desensitizes people. We have language now that
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we've never used in our history,
and we don't see people crossing the aisle
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as we used to twenty thirty years
ago. Democrats stay in their own little
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cocoon, and Republicans stay in theirs. But we have seen this language infiltrate
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even to the even to young children. They hear it on TV. They're
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getting ready for school in the morning
and it's on one of the news stations,
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and it affects them. It makes
them feel more insecure. But it
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has become commonplace, and that's dangerous
because we're not being kind to each other,
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even civil to each other. If
someone objects to what you believe in,
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then you attack them. That's the
new mode. Rather than trying to
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understand them, we attack, right, there's no discourse. One of the
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things I appreciated about your book in
terms of that example is you talk about
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how John McCain and Barack Obama were
able to discourse even though they each disagree
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with each other, they both outward
publicly respected each other and worked to converse
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and talk about the issues versus just
simply put each other down. Yeah.
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I love the example. The actual
event that took place when John McCain was
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running against Barack Obama and a woman
came up to him and mentioned that Barack
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Obama was an Arab, and John
McCain took the microphone away from her,
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and he said, no, he
isn't. He's a US citizen, he's
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a decent human being. He happens
to be someone who has opposite political views
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than I do, But we don't
talk that way in America now. John
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McCain, I didn't agree with everything
he believed in, but what I did
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believe in is he was a patriot. He crossed the aisle. John McCain
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had friends on both sides of the
isle, and we don't see that very
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often today, right. I've heard
that from numerous sources as well, who
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I regard as being informed. And
then you also talk about in your book
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that I believe you say that Barack
Obama gave a sorry and losing the word
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a speech on behalf of John Kay
when you passed, well, John McCain
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picked Barack Obamer as one of the
people to deliver his eulogy. He's the
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word I was looking for. Yes, is amazing, It is amazing and
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such a testament. And so why
did I want to have you back on
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the show. One of course,
I'm a fan and I believe in what
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you're doing, But I think this
work is so timely and it does cross
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over both of our worlds, and
I do want to make the world a
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better place, and it does start
with being able to have more civil discourse.
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And I love I've never heard anybody
speak to empathy as deeply as you
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do, doctor Sir McCaulay. And
I know you have a profound command over
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because of the work that you do. But we'll talk more about that in
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the second segment here, But before
we get to that, I also want
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to talk about what you speak on
speak on the book regarding fixed views and
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realistic views. This is just fascinating
to me. And you say those in
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need have lost faith in government and
as a result of their vulnerabilities, are
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in a position to be easily manipulated
by hateful rhetoric blaming a fictitious enemy for
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all the wrongs in our society.
You know, at least eighty percent of
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Americans say they have no faith in
Congress. Eighty percent. That's amazing.
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It is amazing Americans say they have
no faith. No. I have a
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client who has been a lobbyist in
DC for many years, and she said,
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and she's at the end of her
career, but she said, well
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she started, you know, you
would go you would see at lunch or
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and dinner at d C. At
d C, the Republicans and Democrats would
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be eating together, she said.
It never happens now. It's like you
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can't cross the aisle even for dinner, or even have lunch, even to
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have a discussion. It's like it's
become clannish rather than actually serving the constituency
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that elected you. It's become clannish. You can't you can't go against your
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tribe. Right right, such a
missing opportunity. Let's grab our first break,
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Doctor c I'm a last Cortez,
your host. We don't know there
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with Doctor Arthur's R. McCaulay,
a licensed clinical psychologist, author of numerous
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books, and a student of the
major religions ever seeking to increase his understanding
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of in depth spiritual awakening. We've
been talking a bit about the problem of
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extremism and hate speech in the United
States. After the break, we're going
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to talk about self awareness and developing
empathy to intervene these issues. Stay with
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us, We'll be right back.
Doctor Release Cortes is a management consultant specializing
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00:15:20.519 --> 00:15:24.960
in meaning and purpose and inspirational speaker
and author. She helps companies visioneer for
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00:15:26.039 --> 00:15:33.200
greater purpose among stakeholders and develop purpose
inspired leadership and meaning infused cultures that elevate
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00:15:33.240 --> 00:15:37.720
fulfillment, performance, and commitment within
the workforce. To learn more or to
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00:15:37.799 --> 00:15:43.840
invite Elise to speak to your organization, please visit her at elisecortes dot com.
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00:15:43.120 --> 00:15:54.840
Let's talk about how to get your
employees working on purpose. This is
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00:15:54.879 --> 00:15:58.559
working on Purpose with doctor release Cortes. To reach our program today or open
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00:15:58.559 --> 00:16:06.480
a converse station with aliase, send
an email to Elise Alise at elisecortes dot
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00:16:06.519 --> 00:16:15.960
com. Now back to working on
purpose. Thanks for jaying with us,
220
00:16:15.960 --> 00:16:19.200
and welcome back to working on purpose. As I've watched the pandemic continue on,
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We've looked for ways to help companies
support their employees handle anxiety, stressed,
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00:16:23.039 --> 00:16:26.519
depression, feeling disconnected, while also
helping to lift and inspire them with
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00:16:26.559 --> 00:16:30.519
ongoing professional development. We now offer
it wellbeing web in or learning series called
224
00:16:30.559 --> 00:16:34.320
Grab your Gusto Vital Wellbeing from the
inside Out. You can learn more about
225
00:16:34.360 --> 00:16:37.320
that at a lascore test dot com
or send me an email to Elise at
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00:16:37.399 --> 00:16:41.919
leastcoretest dot com. If you're just
joining the program, my guess is doctor
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Arthur Cierra McCauley, a licensed clinical
psychologist and author of numerous books, including
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his latest called America Reunited, a
relational solution to bridge into political, social,
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and personal chasm dividing our nation.
He joins you today from Boston.
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I'm your host, Doctor Elise Cortes, so as we continue talking about your
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book, Doctor c and the forward
is incredibly powerful and I want to read
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it here for our listeners and our
viewers. It says, as doctor Schwartz
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and Berghoffer stated and forward, we
are in a dark time in the need
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of an expansive empathy to allow us
to regain our civility and our sense of
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reason. We all need to play
our part, and my hope is that
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the following pages will provide readers with
a guide to do so. The stakes
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are very, very high. My
cancer is treatable, and so is the
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cancer in our country, but only
if we devise a treatment plan that we
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are all willing to implement at least. Empathy is so critically important in this
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time because empathy is the capacity to
understand and respond to the unique experiences of
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another. It allows us to look
beyond the surface. We're not looking beyond
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the surface today. People are defined
by being labeled as a Democrat or Republican,
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and we've never had this before in
our country where people actually use this
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as part of their identity. You
know, in nineteen six, three percent
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of people who are upset if someone
if one of their adult children married someone
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of the other political party. Today
is eighty seven percent. Oh my gosh,
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which is amazing. Can you imagine
coming home and saying, Oh,
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I'm marrying a Republican or a Democrat
and your family is just they're astounded,
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they're so surprised, they're so upset
because we're using it as part of our
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personality profile rather than realizing the facts. Are Democrats indicate that Republicans are racist?
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It's not true. Republicans say that
Democrats are socialists. It's not true.
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It's a very small minority in either
party that are at those extreme and
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have those extreme views, the amount
of hate that they think they have for
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each other, it's not really the
majority of people. You know, about
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six percent of Republicans are far right, and eight percent of Democrats of progressives
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and the rest the sixty seven percent
is called the exhausted majority. The people
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in the middle right right and one
of the other things that I found so
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fascinating about what you write about.
This whole notion of extremism, I thought
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was fascinating when you talk about you
wonder if the pendulum motion between self absorption
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and narcissism and then generosity and empathy
is yet another example of this extremism that
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we're talking about right now between the
parties. Well, narcissism. We have
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seen narcissism grow more people are behaving
in narcissistic ways, and we have less
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empathy as a society. We know
that societies that have more empathy. We
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know that businesses, as you know, who have more empathy and the pathic
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environment, their profits are higher.
And in countries that have higher percentages of
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empathy, people are healthier, live
longer, are happier, and more productive.
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And children in schools who would have
taught to with empathy they have higher
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cognitive skills. Their test scores are
higher. So it's not just a soft
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skill. It really results in productive
behavior. But we're not seeing much of
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it right now. We're seeing more
self interest, self absorbed and us against
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them, you know, the black
and white thinking, that very narrow thinking
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rather than more expansive thinking. What
I think about the way you're describing this,
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doctor Ce. What really comes to
mind is sort of like a bombastic
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approach, you know, a spitting
approach to discourse or dialogue instead of what
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I'm having with you and what I
just had earlier on today with another very
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emotionally intelligent leader who knows how to
use empathy. Where there's clearly there's that
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the energy, the space is open
for interaction, for exchange, there's a
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reach for understanding. It's not a
peppering up. This is my view on
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top of the other person. That's
what I so characterize and catch that.
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It's so palpable. It's so critically
important to interact that way, especially as
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leaders, because what we have seen
in leaders in both parties, and both
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parties are guilty, is if they're
criticized, they throw the kitchen sink at
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the other right, rather than trying
to understand how come you're even saying that,
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what is your position? What is
it that you're thinking? Trying to
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understand where it comes from, rather
than just attacking. It's really bullying behavior.
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It's what bullies do, and we
see it in grown men. Now
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grown men are on the TV every
name and the stations that are adhere to
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this have large followings. And I
don't think that people that are following the
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individuals who tend to be more statistic
and aggressive with their language. I don't
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think people realize this is entertainment.
It's not news, it's not fact,
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it's entertainment. These aretainment shows,
but they don't tell the listeners that it's
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entertainment. Yes, and they're not
grasping that in between. And so you
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offer something in your book as of
course if you're prone to do because you
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stand for this, you stand for
helping people to understand their own prejudice,
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of their own biases to themselves and
to others. So you have a portion
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of the book where you talk about
the way forward is to listen to the
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brain, you say, and you
say, when we develop keen awareness,
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we become attentive to the moment,
just as you're talking about right now.
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We notice emotions as they occur before
they are altered by memories of the past,
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at that point before past conditioning takes
over. Emotions are a cue from
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which we can benefit. People can
avoid a stressed response by seeing what actually
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was taking place and by using their
empathy to allow the truth to become evident.
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Emotions are acute, as you know, they tell us something about the
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experience we're having with another human being. On the other hand, if we
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haven't worked out some of our old
conditioning, then it can interfere with them
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and we can start we can react
to impulsively quickly, and we are thinking
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becomes more distorted. So there's a
pure aspect to emotion, but there's also
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a biased aspect to emotion, where
you know, if you look like my
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ex wife, I don't have an
ex wife, but if I did,
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and I may have an uncomfortable feeling, And now I'm I'm saying, well,
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boy, you know, at least
seems kind of aloof, I don't
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really want to work in that project
with it or whatever it is. You're
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you're not using the emotion constructively because
you haven't worked out things from the past.
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We all have biases from the past. My career has been dedicated to
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helping people reduce their prejudices toward themselves
and toward others. But when we do
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that, then we can perceive clearly
but also that our emotions are a purer
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guide to what's happening in our world. Yeah, there there are a flag
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if you will. So one of
the things I want to do this with
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you today, right now in the
air too, for our listeners and our
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viewers, because you do this beautifully
in the book, Doctor c Is you
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say that in our culture today there
are many topics that will cause an emotional
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reaction and produce strong responses in people. And you say, and I'm going
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to read the list for our listeners
and our viewers. So pay attention now,
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listeners and viewers to your emotions when
I read this list. Black Lives
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Matter, me Too movement, DACA
dot com, pro life and pro choice
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movements, LBGB, LGBTQ rights,
gun control, animal rights, global climate
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change, vaccines, white supremacy,
universal healthcare, religious freedom, federal living
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wage, the Green New Deal,
evolution. For a lot of people,
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there's a lot of juice in those
things, one way or the other.
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Yes, you know. I wrote
a chapter of the book who would you
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vote for? You did Jesus,
Muhamma and Moses or Buddha? And the
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reason I pick those for is I
knew that people would react and have a
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bias, but could But the chapter
really focuses on could you ascertain the objective
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facts to who actually would be the
best leader in the particular situation, or
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would you just vote for the person
that you that you were told when you
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when you were a young child,
was the ideal figure without really ascertaining the
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facts. We've do this all the
time. One of the many things I
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admire about you and respect about you, doctor c is that you are a
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student of major the major religions of
the world, and you appreciate them,
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and you have something to learn from
and take from all of them. And
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I think that that's something that's really
really important because to your point, if
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we are reared in one certain faith
or a certain way of thinking, even
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about the political party, or about
any of the religious deities, et cetera,
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and we haven't done our own work
in our own thinking to it,
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examine and explore what's for us,
Well, what kind of thinking is that?
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What kind of a citizen is that? I think as adults, our
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responsibility is to examine our prejudices,
because we all have them. We have
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biases. We grow up with biases
toward ourselves, We go up with biases
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toward other people, other nations,
other cultures, maybe other genders, other
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ethnicities. But to be a person
that really is going to contribute to the
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world. We have to examine those
biases and we have to rid ourselves of
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them, just like in this political
climate right now where people have all these
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biases to the opposite political party.
We have to really ascertain the facts and
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find out what we've been thinking.
Is it actually true or did we hear
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it some on a broadcast or from
a particular media host, and we really
356
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never examined it. It takes some
time and work to figure out who we
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are to figure out what was happening
in our world. It takes time,
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and it takes work, and if
we don't invest, then we walk around
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with the started thinking all the time. I was sharing this with my friend
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Charles this morning. We run six
miles every Tuesday at six and I was
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sharing this with him, and I
was talking with you today and why this
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is such important work that if we
don't each do our own work, that
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we actually are contributing to the problem, We're not making the world better,
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We're just we're contributing to the problem. And one of the things I appreciate
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too about your book is I like
how you let us into the group therapy
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sessions and really helped us understand how
some of that work really helps people to
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examine put a mirror, if you
will, to their own biases, their
368
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own prejudices, to see where they
came from and just are they really true
369
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and how are they working for them? Incredible work that you do. You
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know, the highlight of my week
is the three Groups. So I've been
371
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running for many years at least,
and the reason that I love it so
372
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much is that people come in thinking
one thing or several things about themselves,
373
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and by the time they leave,
they've unlearned so much. And I think
374
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a lot of becoming a mature,
reasonable person is unlearning some of the faulty
375
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things that we learned about ourselves and
others. And it happens in group,
376
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in a group experience, because you
know, after people listen to you attentively
377
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for several months, it's hard to
deny. If nine or ten people think
378
00:28:26.119 --> 00:28:29.839
one thing of you and you think
the other, you know you're going to
379
00:28:29.839 --> 00:28:33.440
stick to your story. We're all
too subjective. We need objective feedback from
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00:28:33.519 --> 00:28:38.680
rational reasonable people to find out who
we truly are and if what we believe
381
00:28:38.799 --> 00:28:45.519
is true or accurate. Yes,
indeed, And so that's one method to
382
00:28:45.559 --> 00:28:48.680
be able to start to set aside
as you say unlearned some of the things
383
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that we have accepted as truth.
Another thing that you talk about in the
384
00:28:52.000 --> 00:28:55.799
book that I find incredibly compelling,
and I believe we talked about this in
385
00:28:55.799 --> 00:28:59.480
one of the other shows before,
is this method of deliberative pulling, and
386
00:28:59.480 --> 00:29:02.000
I want to show this with our
listeners and viewers. I think it's incredibly
387
00:29:02.039 --> 00:29:04.839
useful. And if we could do
this more insight organizations, communities, companies,
388
00:29:04.880 --> 00:29:07.319
any kinds of groups, I think
it would be incredible. But you
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00:29:07.440 --> 00:29:11.160
describe it as a method whereby a
random sample of people is brought together to
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00:29:11.200 --> 00:29:15.799
discuss a particular topic or public interest
topic such as global warming, anything it
391
00:29:15.799 --> 00:29:19.920
could be. Materials and experts are
provided to allow for a factual assessment of
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00:29:21.000 --> 00:29:25.519
variables involved in making decisions in small
group discussions. The method has produced encouraging
393
00:29:25.559 --> 00:29:30.599
results. People emerged less hostile to
each other realizing that they have made conclusions
394
00:29:30.599 --> 00:29:34.839
that were not fact based. This
would be incredible work to do anywhere.
395
00:29:36.240 --> 00:29:41.160
Yes, yes, and I think
it works because you're bringing in experts who
396
00:29:41.200 --> 00:29:48.480
are indicating what they believe that they
have found in their fields, and also
397
00:29:48.880 --> 00:29:52.559
you're giving material to people to read. Well. One of the keys I
398
00:29:52.599 --> 00:29:56.079
think is you're slowing down the process. You've got people on one side and
399
00:29:56.160 --> 00:30:00.640
the other side said, let's say
climate change. People don't believe that it
400
00:30:00.720 --> 00:30:03.359
exists. People that do believe it
exists. But instead of them yelling at
401
00:30:03.359 --> 00:30:07.920
each other or insulting each other,
you have moderators that are slowing down the
402
00:30:08.039 --> 00:30:12.559
process. And the key to empathy
is slow down, slow down, and
403
00:30:12.599 --> 00:30:18.480
listen. Impathic listening. Impathic listening
means I put my own views aside for
404
00:30:18.519 --> 00:30:22.400
the moment, and I want to
understand yours. And when that happens.
405
00:30:22.599 --> 00:30:27.440
In some of those meetings and deliberate
polling, seventy percent of the people change
406
00:30:27.480 --> 00:30:32.079
their minds. Seventy percent of the
people change their minds about the person on
407
00:30:32.119 --> 00:30:36.240
the other side of the table.
It was amazing, It is amazing.
408
00:30:36.240 --> 00:30:40.599
And you even say in your book
there are examples from people exiting those those
409
00:30:40.599 --> 00:30:45.640
deliberate polling groups who were veemently opposed
to each other walking in and actually hugged
410
00:30:45.720 --> 00:30:51.519
walking out. Yes, yes,
well, because you're finding the common ground,
411
00:30:52.359 --> 00:30:56.920
and politically there is more common ground. We don't hear about it.
412
00:30:56.319 --> 00:31:03.440
But if you pull the populace people
who identify as democratic or Republican. Excuse
413
00:31:03.480 --> 00:31:07.200
me, You see that there are
far more similarities than there are differences.
414
00:31:08.400 --> 00:31:14.519
Absolutely big. Your heads are not
indicating that that's absolutely where I want to
415
00:31:14.559 --> 00:31:17.559
go to next. After this next
break, doctor ce, I'm your host.
416
00:31:17.960 --> 00:31:21.680
Doctor Release Cortes were on the air
with Arthur Cierra McCauley, a licensed
417
00:31:21.680 --> 00:31:25.559
clinical psychologist, author of numerous books, and believer that self care and the
418
00:31:25.599 --> 00:31:29.759
capacity for empathy are the keys to
personal and professional success. We've been talking
419
00:31:29.759 --> 00:31:33.240
a bit about self awareness and developing
empathy to intervene in the issues of our
420
00:31:33.279 --> 00:31:37.799
times. After the break, our
last session will be focused on leaders and
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00:31:37.839 --> 00:31:40.759
each of us what we can do
individually as our own role to improve the
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00:31:40.799 --> 00:31:45.200
situation. Staying with us, we'll
be write back. Doctor Release Cortes is
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00:31:45.240 --> 00:31:51.160
a management consultant specializing in meaning and
purpose and inspirational speaker and author. She
424
00:31:51.319 --> 00:31:57.160
helps companies visioneer for greater purpose among
stakeholders and develop purpose inspired leadership and meaning
425
00:31:57.200 --> 00:32:04.519
infused cultures that elevate fulfillment, performance, and commitment within the workforce. To
426
00:32:04.680 --> 00:32:07.960
learn more or to invite Elise to
speak to your organization, please visit her
427
00:32:08.039 --> 00:32:13.799
at elisecortes dot com. Let's talk
about how to get your employees working on
428
00:32:13.839 --> 00:32:24.279
purpose. This is working on Purpose
with doctor Elise Cortes. To reach our
429
00:32:24.319 --> 00:32:30.319
program today or open a conversation with
Alise, send an email to Aleise Alise
430
00:32:30.920 --> 00:32:43.720
at elisecortes dot com. Now back
to working on Purpose. Thanks for staying
431
00:32:43.759 --> 00:32:45.359
with us, and welcome back to
working on Purpose. I mentioned after the
432
00:32:45.400 --> 00:32:50.319
first break about the Grab your Gusto
Wellbeing web learning series. The content and
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00:32:50.359 --> 00:32:53.559
that programs adapted from part one of
my recently published book called Purpose Ignited,
434
00:32:53.599 --> 00:32:58.079
How It's our Leaders Ignite Passion and
all that Cause, which is now avaiable
435
00:32:58.119 --> 00:33:00.359
on Amazon. And I wrote that
book to awaken awaken readers to their passion
436
00:33:00.400 --> 00:33:05.880
and purpose and help transform them into
inspirational leaders who enliven the workplace and elevate
437
00:33:05.920 --> 00:33:08.279
the contribution of business to all stakeholders. So that's where the content came from.
438
00:33:08.920 --> 00:33:12.880
If you're just joining us, my
guest joining us today is from Boston.
439
00:33:12.960 --> 00:33:16.240
Doctor Arthur here McCaulay, a licensed
clinical psychologist and author of numerous books,
440
00:33:16.279 --> 00:33:22.240
including his latest called America Reunited,
a relational solution to bridging the political,
441
00:33:22.319 --> 00:33:24.519
social, and personal chasm dividing our
nation. I'm your host, Doctor
442
00:33:24.599 --> 00:33:30.880
Lee's Cortes. So for this last
segment here, doctor c I want to
443
00:33:30.920 --> 00:33:34.799
talk about really what each of us
can do individually as our individual roles,
444
00:33:34.839 --> 00:33:37.839
as well as what leaders can do
to start to ameliorate the situation, if
445
00:33:37.839 --> 00:33:42.480
you will, and I want to
start very deeply with your perspective and your
446
00:33:42.559 --> 00:33:47.160
learned views on empathy and forgiveness.
You talk about origins of hate as often
447
00:33:47.240 --> 00:33:52.359
rooted in early deprivation or abuse and
result in blaming of others for what a
448
00:33:52.359 --> 00:33:55.279
young person could not control or alter. Would you help us understand say more
449
00:33:55.279 --> 00:34:00.559
about this. I think that listeners
and viewers will really be quite taken aback
450
00:34:00.599 --> 00:34:02.839
to really recognize just what is at
the heart of this. You mentioned this
451
00:34:02.880 --> 00:34:07.840
in the first segment that the person
hitting with the baton is actually it's not
452
00:34:07.880 --> 00:34:14.920
about politics, So what are we
looking at here? It's always fascinated me
453
00:34:14.960 --> 00:34:21.360
at least that people that grow up
in very very difficult circumstances, one person
454
00:34:21.440 --> 00:34:25.679
will be that person with the baton
hitting the innocent police officer, and another
455
00:34:25.719 --> 00:34:30.960
person has worked out their difficulties for
given the people that have hurt them because
456
00:34:31.000 --> 00:34:37.239
they've used empathy to understand, They
understand their circumstances. And one of the
457
00:34:37.239 --> 00:34:42.320
things that comes with empathy is that
you realize that most of the time people
458
00:34:42.400 --> 00:34:46.920
gave to give you what they can, they give you to the extent of
459
00:34:47.000 --> 00:34:52.239
ability they have. So you may
have not been treated very well, but
460
00:34:52.280 --> 00:34:57.800
it isn't necessarily because that's an evil
person who wanted to intentionally hurt you.
461
00:34:58.280 --> 00:35:01.679
Maybe this person, maybe you parents, or coaches, or whoever it is
462
00:35:01.719 --> 00:35:07.519
that may have even amused you or
treated you inappropriately. It's coming to understand
463
00:35:07.559 --> 00:35:13.280
who they are, not necessarily approving
of any of their behavior. You don't
464
00:35:13.320 --> 00:35:17.079
have to approve to forgive, but
to move on, you have to understand
465
00:35:17.119 --> 00:35:22.840
where people are coming from and that
it wasn't as personal as you may have
466
00:35:22.920 --> 00:35:29.159
felt as a child. So some
people overcome, They go into therapy,
467
00:35:29.480 --> 00:35:32.199
they go into some of the groups
that we just talked about, They talk
468
00:35:32.280 --> 00:35:37.079
to friends, they open up.
It's not something you can keep to yourself
469
00:35:37.119 --> 00:35:42.920
and work out. You need objective
feedback from other people. But some people
470
00:35:43.039 --> 00:35:46.000
develop the hate that we've seen recently, and they hold on to it tightly
471
00:35:46.760 --> 00:35:51.719
and they want to abuse other people
to kind of correct the abuse that they
472
00:35:51.800 --> 00:35:55.440
experience. And what they're doing is
they're putting old faces on new faces.
473
00:35:57.159 --> 00:36:00.519
They don't even they're that person who
was hitting the officers with I mean,
474
00:36:00.559 --> 00:36:05.760
he doesn't even know that person.
So that person's he's making up for what
475
00:36:05.880 --> 00:36:10.079
was done to him by doing it
to an innocent person who has nothing to
476
00:36:10.119 --> 00:36:15.519
do with him. And that's how
misdirected it can be. But there are
477
00:36:15.800 --> 00:36:22.360
ways of resolving these kind of difficulties, there are ways of overcoming trauma and
478
00:36:24.639 --> 00:36:29.039
so on. Two things I got
from that doctor c One is that I
479
00:36:29.360 --> 00:36:31.920
really got so present that you know, when we see these these people with
480
00:36:32.079 --> 00:36:37.679
these tremendously hateful speech and these hateful
actions, really what we're seeing, if
481
00:36:37.800 --> 00:36:40.679
you tell me if I'm wrong about
this, is this is a person literally
482
00:36:40.719 --> 00:36:45.440
on stage and raw of their own
experience, their own wounds. They are
483
00:36:45.679 --> 00:36:52.199
they are projecting out the self hatred
they have onto someone else. They are
484
00:36:52.280 --> 00:36:55.760
reliving their childhood. They're returning to
the scene of the crime and reliving it
485
00:36:55.800 --> 00:37:01.400
on innocent people. And it speaks
to a sense of inadequacy and insecurity.
486
00:37:01.719 --> 00:37:06.960
People who are aggressive, people who
are statistic, are never happy people.
487
00:37:07.400 --> 00:37:12.400
They're miserable because they always have an
enemy. There's always somebody that they're complaining
488
00:37:12.440 --> 00:37:15.119
about, somebody that they want to
get even with. And what wait,
489
00:37:15.239 --> 00:37:20.199
how can you feel in ease within
yourself or have any sense of serenity when
490
00:37:20.239 --> 00:37:23.760
you're always trying to fight with someone
And it speaks to insecurity. And I
491
00:37:23.800 --> 00:37:29.639
think it's very important that we know
that when you see leaders talking that way,
492
00:37:29.559 --> 00:37:34.199
they're sharing with you their inadequacy.
Yes, that's exactly what I wanted
493
00:37:34.199 --> 00:37:37.719
to showcase Dotrace, just because that
is when people really understand that that's what
494
00:37:37.800 --> 00:37:40.880
that is. Now they really have, I hope, the capacity to start
495
00:37:40.880 --> 00:37:45.159
to look and use empathy. And
you say it because you say your own
496
00:37:45.199 --> 00:37:47.440
hurt gets in the way of being
a whole empathetic person. And so if
497
00:37:47.480 --> 00:37:51.639
we can recognize that's what's really going
on here, I think we can start
498
00:37:51.679 --> 00:37:57.119
to separate the weed from the chef. We have to not idealize sadistic leaders.
499
00:37:57.719 --> 00:38:00.320
We have to look up to leaders
who lead with integrity, authenticity,
500
00:38:00.400 --> 00:38:06.480
and empathy, what I call soulful
leaders, because these are the people that
501
00:38:06.519 --> 00:38:09.400
people want to be around them and
want to be around and learn from,
502
00:38:09.760 --> 00:38:15.239
and they establish an environment where it's
very high spirited. The other environment is
503
00:38:15.280 --> 00:38:21.239
one of fear. They lead through
aggression and fear. They're always threatening people.
504
00:38:21.880 --> 00:38:24.360
And then some people take that on
it's thinking, oh, how strong
505
00:38:24.519 --> 00:38:29.280
that person is. It is not
strength at all. It is, as
506
00:38:29.360 --> 00:38:37.039
I said a few minutes ago,
it's the depths of inadequacy. I entirely
507
00:38:37.119 --> 00:38:38.920
understand that. And I really wanted
to make sure that you speak to them.
508
00:38:39.000 --> 00:38:42.599
You did that beautifully. And then
now I want to go on to
509
00:38:42.840 --> 00:38:45.000
this whole notion of and you started
to say this in the lasting that of
510
00:38:45.000 --> 00:38:49.760
thing, but the divide, you
say is actually driven less by the adherence
511
00:38:49.800 --> 00:38:52.400
to the positions held by each party, but more by the hate they have
512
00:38:52.480 --> 00:38:57.599
cultivated for each other, and that
they both overestimate how much members of the
513
00:38:57.639 --> 00:39:01.320
other party dislike them. And then
they also resumeate the degree to which with
514
00:39:01.440 --> 00:39:07.039
those of sorry they disagreegree to which
they disagree on central issues, and they
515
00:39:07.079 --> 00:39:10.079
agree on certain others. And so
would you speak a bit about to this
516
00:39:10.119 --> 00:39:15.400
whole notion of back on the leadership
front here of what's happening between these parties
517
00:39:15.440 --> 00:39:21.000
that continues to fuel this extremism and
this hate, well both sides are guilty
518
00:39:21.039 --> 00:39:25.960
of dehumanizing each other. And I
think that it is a select view at
519
00:39:25.960 --> 00:39:34.280
the top that influenced people going down
going down the ladder in particular parties.
520
00:39:34.519 --> 00:39:38.199
We as Americans have to vote for
people that cross the aisle. We have
521
00:39:38.320 --> 00:39:42.960
to start. We have to demand
that people across the aisle. We can
522
00:39:43.039 --> 00:39:47.280
no longer just vote our party.
You know, voting your party in today's
523
00:39:47.280 --> 00:39:53.360
world means that you have to eliminate
fifty percent of other people's views. We
524
00:39:53.440 --> 00:39:58.159
need people across the aisle. We
need people who serve that the citizens and
525
00:39:58.320 --> 00:40:02.199
voted them into office, not people
that just go along with whatever party they
526
00:40:02.280 --> 00:40:07.679
belong to. That's that's what we
have too much of. Agreed, And
527
00:40:07.880 --> 00:40:10.119
as you say in your book,
I do the same thing. You say.
528
00:40:10.159 --> 00:40:15.039
You tend not to necessarily vote by
a party line, but what for
529
00:40:15.119 --> 00:40:19.880
whatever person represents what you what you
what you tend to align with or can
530
00:40:20.000 --> 00:40:22.440
support. Am I right about that? Did I get that right? Yeah?
531
00:40:22.480 --> 00:40:25.239
I mean I tend to vote for
the person, not the party,
532
00:40:25.320 --> 00:40:29.199
the person of the party. Yes, yes, me too. I wanted
533
00:40:29.239 --> 00:40:31.280
to make sure I got that accurate. I wanted to make sure that that
534
00:40:31.280 --> 00:40:36.519
that I didn't say anything that was
erroneous on your on your behalf. So
535
00:40:36.840 --> 00:40:38.599
then let's go back to what you
and I said in the first segment here,
536
00:40:38.639 --> 00:40:43.199
is that we need to do our
jobs as citizens, as individual citizens.
537
00:40:43.639 --> 00:40:46.960
And you say, we've become accustomed
to terms like alternative facts, fake
538
00:40:47.079 --> 00:40:51.679
news, the far right, the
far left, all terms that indicate bias
539
00:40:51.719 --> 00:40:54.039
in choosing a side. And so
again this is where we get into this
540
00:40:54.119 --> 00:40:59.119
notion of what are what are we
watching? Are we watching entertainment or what
541
00:40:59.159 --> 00:41:00.400
are we watching here? And and
you also, and this is actually really
542
00:41:00.440 --> 00:41:05.320
important, you also say then that
as a results a tendency to lose faith
543
00:41:05.400 --> 00:41:08.800
in all news and all authorities.
And as New York Times Calmis matt By
544
00:41:08.880 --> 00:41:13.239
points out, if we lose faith
in being able to determine the difference between
545
00:41:13.360 --> 00:41:17.360
entertainment and reality, between fiction and
nonfiction, we will further accentuate a world
546
00:41:17.519 --> 00:41:24.159
built on marketeers and media. Yes, and I mean his comments are very
547
00:41:24.239 --> 00:41:30.360
poignant and very very important, because
again, when you're watching news and nightly
548
00:41:30.440 --> 00:41:37.679
news in particular, under different stations, you have to separate what is entertainment
549
00:41:38.239 --> 00:41:45.119
versus what its facts, and when
people are talking with great intensity and great
550
00:41:45.199 --> 00:41:52.880
passion with very degrading, dehumanizing language. Don't trust them. Don't trust them
551
00:41:52.039 --> 00:41:57.280
because the likelihood that that person is
giving you an accurate depiction of what's happening
552
00:41:57.320 --> 00:42:02.119
in our world is very low if
it all existed, because there's no reason
553
00:42:02.199 --> 00:42:07.480
to talk that way, there's no
reason to dehumanize other people. That's a
554
00:42:07.519 --> 00:42:10.920
person who has an agenda, and
always be careful to not take in people
555
00:42:12.000 --> 00:42:15.280
that have an agenda, and then
trying to get you to come on board
556
00:42:15.559 --> 00:42:20.280
and start to talk and act in
the same way. One of the things
557
00:42:20.280 --> 00:42:23.280
that you also point out in the
book, which I certainly subscribe to and
558
00:42:23.440 --> 00:42:28.360
do my best to it here too, is you talk about the importance of
559
00:42:28.400 --> 00:42:34.679
getting your news from different outlets by
intentionally making sure that you are not just
560
00:42:34.920 --> 00:42:38.760
receiving from your usual posts, but
doing your homework and trying to get a
561
00:42:38.840 --> 00:42:44.880
variety of voices and perspectives in the
mix. Some of the studies that I
562
00:42:44.960 --> 00:42:49.079
cite in the book A Lease is
the people that watch the same news programs
563
00:42:49.119 --> 00:42:52.760
every evening have the highest rate of
distorted thinking. Yes, because they're listening
564
00:42:52.800 --> 00:42:59.519
to the same commentators over and over
again. But always remember pay attention to
565
00:42:59.639 --> 00:43:04.199
the land language. I know I'm
repeating myself, but it's so critically important.
566
00:43:04.519 --> 00:43:08.639
When the language becomes disparaging, don't
trust that the information you're receiving.
567
00:43:10.280 --> 00:43:14.320
So what I certainly want to emphasize
here on this show, and again one
568
00:43:14.360 --> 00:43:16.440
of the many reasons I wanted to
have you on again is is I am
569
00:43:16.599 --> 00:43:21.159
asking what do I stand for?
Is I am like you in many ways,
570
00:43:21.599 --> 00:43:23.480
I am standing to try to help
elevate the world, help elevate our
571
00:43:23.519 --> 00:43:30.000
consciousness, our own positive impact in
the world, our own our own ability
572
00:43:30.039 --> 00:43:34.039
to make a difference with our one
precious life. So what I'm asking you
573
00:43:34.199 --> 00:43:37.360
readers, excuse me, listeners and
viewers, is to do more of your
574
00:43:37.360 --> 00:43:39.840
homework, to step up on a
bigger on a bigger fashion and how it
575
00:43:39.920 --> 00:43:45.320
is that you consume and evaluate news, right, That's what we're doing here,
576
00:43:45.360 --> 00:43:50.159
So I really wanted to make sure
we got that point across. I
577
00:43:50.199 --> 00:43:53.400
think you're you know, you're encouraging
listeners to do their homework about your own
578
00:43:53.480 --> 00:44:00.159
background and also to not just accept
a face value what you hear, but
579
00:44:00.360 --> 00:44:07.320
also examine the personality of the person
who's giving the information, because that's critically
580
00:44:07.360 --> 00:44:10.840
important. It is it is.
And as we get closer to the end
581
00:44:10.880 --> 00:44:15.000
here of our time together, I
want to say, which I think is
582
00:44:15.000 --> 00:44:17.599
a perfect way to finish, And
then I want you to close with your
583
00:44:17.639 --> 00:44:22.639
own thoughts. But you say,
ultimately one must choose tolerance of diverse ideas
584
00:44:22.719 --> 00:44:25.760
rather than a narrow minded, dogmatic
view. If one will open his heart
585
00:44:25.760 --> 00:44:30.840
and become more vulnerable while acknowledging and
resolving the hurts of his life that have
586
00:44:30.960 --> 00:44:35.199
remained unhealed, the heart will soften
and anger will dissipate. The world will
587
00:44:35.199 --> 00:44:39.840
expand as one's range of friendships,
resulting in a high spirited, happy life.
588
00:44:40.079 --> 00:44:45.480
We are a diverse nation. That's
what we are today. We are
589
00:44:45.519 --> 00:44:50.360
a diverse nation, and diversity allows
us to learn from people that think differently
590
00:44:50.800 --> 00:44:53.199
than we do, have a different
perspective than we do, they have grown
591
00:44:53.239 --> 00:44:59.079
up in a different culture than It
makes the world exciting. Rather than shutting
592
00:44:59.119 --> 00:45:02.960
down diversity, which we've seen,
when we close the door, and we
593
00:45:04.079 --> 00:45:07.599
have we have the other side is
the enemy. Open the door, be
594
00:45:08.119 --> 00:45:12.480
exposed to different points of view.
You don't have to take them all in,
595
00:45:12.559 --> 00:45:15.559
but at least this is an opportunity
to learn. We learned from people
596
00:45:15.599 --> 00:45:20.639
that have had different experiences than we've
had. If you just stay in your
597
00:45:20.719 --> 00:45:27.119
little group, you become very very
narrow minded and small minded. Agreed,
598
00:45:28.280 --> 00:45:31.719
So you know how I do my
show. I read your book from cover
599
00:45:31.760 --> 00:45:37.760
to cover, I take voracious notes, and I really create the conversation around
600
00:45:37.840 --> 00:45:42.000
what I think is important based on
what I've already had on the show and
601
00:45:42.360 --> 00:45:44.880
what I'm trying to put forth and
curate into the world. So we have
602
00:45:44.920 --> 00:45:46.760
a few more minutes here, doctor
c. So what else would you like
603
00:45:46.840 --> 00:45:53.440
to make sure that our listeners understand, learn hear from you. I think
604
00:45:53.519 --> 00:46:00.639
probably one of the most important things
is that we need every single human being
605
00:46:00.760 --> 00:46:04.320
that lives in this country to make
an effort. We need to make an
606
00:46:04.360 --> 00:46:08.199
effort. We need to slow down, We need to listen empathically, need
607
00:46:08.239 --> 00:46:13.760
to expand our empathy and try to
understand people that seem different from us.
608
00:46:14.280 --> 00:46:19.920
You know, people make discriminatory remarks
or make judgments just on the way people
609
00:46:19.960 --> 00:46:23.320
look. Now we know that from
credible studies as well. Open the door,
610
00:46:23.679 --> 00:46:28.480
don't assume that you know the other
person, and examine some of the
611
00:46:28.480 --> 00:46:34.440
biases that you've had toward yourself in
the world that you've heard early on in
612
00:46:34.480 --> 00:46:37.840
life as well. We have to
do that, but we have to do
613
00:46:37.920 --> 00:46:42.079
it now, and we have to
demand more from the people that lead our
614
00:46:42.119 --> 00:46:45.760
communities, our states, and our
country. One of the things I want
615
00:46:45.760 --> 00:46:49.880
to make sure that our listeners and
viewers really get from you that I would
616
00:46:50.320 --> 00:46:53.519
wager about that most people don't understand. And because I think there's a lot
617
00:46:53.519 --> 00:46:58.719
of talk these days about emotional intelligence
and empathy, but what I don't think
618
00:46:58.719 --> 00:47:04.079
people really really understand is that empathy
is a remarkable tool, as you say,
619
00:47:04.480 --> 00:47:07.960
to slow down, which allows you
them to get a hold of those
620
00:47:07.000 --> 00:47:10.920
emotions and understand what they're trying to
tell you before you just simply react from
621
00:47:10.960 --> 00:47:15.119
them. So that whole notion of
you just said it to be able to
622
00:47:15.159 --> 00:47:20.440
slow down. Why is it that
empathy allows us to slow down? When
623
00:47:20.480 --> 00:47:25.519
we give in received empathy, we
produce the hormone oxytocin, which is the
624
00:47:25.599 --> 00:47:30.119
love homon, the connecting hormone.
It makes people feel safe, it makes
625
00:47:30.119 --> 00:47:34.679
people feel secure, it makes you
feel closer to the other individual. So
626
00:47:35.079 --> 00:47:39.440
it's actually we're creating a brain change. So when you give and received empathy,
627
00:47:39.719 --> 00:47:45.920
why is it that in those deliberate
polling groups that people change their minds
628
00:47:45.159 --> 00:47:50.840
because they were having empathic interchange with
each other. They started to feel rather
629
00:47:50.880 --> 00:47:54.079
than feel prejudiced towards the other person, they were feeling safe with the other
630
00:47:54.159 --> 00:48:00.239
person. You can't do that if
you don't slow down and listen. The
631
00:48:00.239 --> 00:48:02.519
old adage of we get two years
in one month God gave us you know
632
00:48:02.559 --> 00:48:07.280
that we should listen twice as much
as we talk. Ask yourself, do
633
00:48:07.360 --> 00:48:10.960
you talk more in an interaction or
do you listen more? You listen more,
634
00:48:12.000 --> 00:48:16.679
you learn more, and yes,
And there is a reason that I
635
00:48:16.800 --> 00:48:21.000
keep hosting this radio show as you
as you know, because I do learn
636
00:48:21.039 --> 00:48:23.800
so much from people who help me
expand my thinking, my understanding of the
637
00:48:23.800 --> 00:48:29.199
world, my place in it.
And it's and sometimes I don't necessarily agree
638
00:48:29.239 --> 00:48:31.559
with what they have to say or
their perspective, and so learning and hearing
639
00:48:31.559 --> 00:48:36.719
where it comes from helps me understand
and expand my person in the world.
640
00:48:36.800 --> 00:48:38.559
And that's what I want to do
and I want help others do the same.
641
00:48:38.679 --> 00:48:43.320
So I really appreciate you coming back
and joining us for our fourth time,
642
00:48:43.400 --> 00:48:46.000
doctor Ce And it's just every time
I talk with you, I feel
643
00:48:46.039 --> 00:48:50.880
like the world somehow gets a little
bit bigger. So thank you for joining
644
00:48:50.920 --> 00:48:53.920
us. Well, thank you very
much, Elise. You know you are
645
00:48:54.000 --> 00:49:00.480
the host who really reads a book. I have taught that frequently. I
646
00:49:00.519 --> 00:49:02.079
always look at your notes and they
feel like, oh my god. You
647
00:49:02.079 --> 00:49:07.519
know, I mean you do your
homework because you are a curious person,
648
00:49:07.599 --> 00:49:10.000
and I think you're a lifelong learner. So I appreciate that very much.
649
00:49:10.400 --> 00:49:15.480
I am, and I thank you
to get to learn from you listeners and
650
00:49:15.559 --> 00:49:17.039
viewers. If you want to learn
more about doctor Arthur Seer McCaulay, his
651
00:49:17.199 --> 00:49:21.599
work or his books, maybe you
could start just by going to Balance your
652
00:49:21.679 --> 00:49:24.440
Success dot com is at the best
place, doctor seed Well, the new
653
00:49:24.440 --> 00:49:30.360
book is on Amazon. That probably
the quickest way to read a summary of
654
00:49:30.400 --> 00:49:34.119
it or to obtain it if you'd
like to. Okay, and thanks again
655
00:49:34.159 --> 00:49:37.440
for our partnering sponsor work Proud,
which helps companies build a platform where your
656
00:49:37.480 --> 00:49:40.440
workforce receives meaningful feedback and thanks for
their work from people across your company.
657
00:49:40.960 --> 00:49:44.840
Last week, you give missed the
live show you can always catch be recorded
658
00:49:44.880 --> 00:49:46.960
podcast. We were on the air
with Joyce Tom of Energy at Work,
659
00:49:47.079 --> 00:49:51.639
talking about the work she does helping
leaders and organizations to build the resilience,
660
00:49:51.880 --> 00:49:55.960
agility, and energy necessary to feel
ongoing business and personal growth. Next week,
661
00:49:57.000 --> 00:50:00.320
we'll be on the air with Sean
Harvey, a chief compassion officer and
662
00:50:00.400 --> 00:50:04.920
masculinity guide at Simponia Men's Study.
We'll be talking about his work addressing the
663
00:50:04.960 --> 00:50:09.480
emerging narrative around the next frontier of
men's healing and transformation work demas defying gender
664
00:50:09.519 --> 00:50:15.000
at work to navigate the shifting gender
rules and roles, and integrating compassion into
665
00:50:15.079 --> 00:50:17.880
masculine systems and cultures. See you
there, Remember that works at least a
666
00:50:17.920 --> 00:50:27.119
third of our life. So let's
work on purpose. We hope you've enjoyed
667
00:50:27.119 --> 00:50:30.360
this week's program. Be sure to
tune in to Working on Purpose, featuring
668
00:50:30.400 --> 00:50:36.199
your host, doctor Elise Cortes,
each week on the Voice America Empowerment Channel.
669
00:50:36.880 --> 00:50:43.400
Together, we'll create a world where
business operates conscientiously, leadership inspires impassioned
670
00:50:43.440 --> 00:50:47.400
performance, and employees are fulfilled in
work that provides the meaning and purpose they
671
00:50:47.519 --> 00:50:52.159
crave. See you there, Let's
work on Purpose.





















































