Doctor’s Orders: A Prescription for Empathy to Reunite the US

WEBVTT

1
00:00:04.960 --> 00:00:09.199
What's working on Purpose anyway? Each
week we ponder the answer to this question.

2
00:00:09.759 --> 00:00:14.439
People ache for meaning and purpose at
work, to contribute their talents passionately

3
00:00:14.759 --> 00:00:19.280
and know their lives really matter.
They crave being part of an organization that

4
00:00:19.359 --> 00:00:24.519
inspires them and helps them grow into
realizing their highest potential. Business can be

5
00:00:24.640 --> 00:00:29.280
such a force for good in the
world, elevating humanity. In our program,

6
00:00:29.320 --> 00:00:33.320
we provide guidance and inspiration to help
usher in this world we all want.

7
00:00:33.960 --> 00:00:38.640
Working on Purpose now. Here is
your host, Doctor Elise Cortez.

8
00:00:40.159 --> 00:00:43.280
Welcome back to Working on Purpose program. Thanks for tuning in again this week.

9
00:00:43.320 --> 00:00:45.880
I'm your host, doctor Elise Cortes, to a new live from Dallas,

10
00:00:45.880 --> 00:00:48.240
which is home base for me.
If you don't know me yet,

11
00:00:48.280 --> 00:00:52.880
I'm a management consultant specializing in meeting
and purpose, organizational logo therapist, inspirational

12
00:00:52.920 --> 00:00:56.280
speaker, social scientist, and author. You learn more about me and how

13
00:00:56.280 --> 00:01:00.880
we can work together at Elise Cortes
dot com Augusto dash now dot com.

14
00:01:00.000 --> 00:01:03.960
Let me thank my partner and sponsor, work Proud. We are a perfect

15
00:01:03.040 --> 00:01:07.079
collaboration. Everyone wants to know they
matter, that the work they do is

16
00:01:07.079 --> 00:01:11.239
meaningful and appreciated. Work Proud is
a mobile platform built to encourage employees to

17
00:01:11.280 --> 00:01:15.120
share stories and recognize each other's contribution. Work Proud empowers hr and business leaders

18
00:01:15.120 --> 00:01:19.480
to help create company cultures where all
employees are inspired to feel proud of their

19
00:01:19.480 --> 00:01:22.920
work. I'm proud of their company. Learn more at work proud dot com.

20
00:01:23.519 --> 00:01:26.599
With us today is doctor Arthur Serra
McCauley, a licensed clinical psychologist who

21
00:01:26.640 --> 00:01:30.799
has been treating clients for more than
thirty five years. He is currently in

22
00:01:30.799 --> 00:01:34.079
private practice while also developing courses in
podcasts for an educational company in China.

23
00:01:34.319 --> 00:01:38.840
Based on his recent books, The
Power of Empathy, The Soulful Leader,

24
00:01:38.959 --> 00:01:42.280
and The Triumph of Diversity, his
latest book expresses his heartbreak at the divisiveness

25
00:01:42.280 --> 00:01:47.319
and hate speech predominant in the United
States, a cancer he stands to eradicate

26
00:01:47.319 --> 00:01:51.840
through his teachings. His book is
called America Reunited, a relational solution to

27
00:01:51.879 --> 00:01:55.640
bridging a political, social, and
personal chasm dividing our nation, which we're

28
00:01:55.680 --> 00:01:59.680
talking about in today's conversation. You
join today from Boston. Doctor Sarah mcaulay,

29
00:01:59.719 --> 00:02:02.079
Welcome back for the fourth time to
Working on Purpose. Thank you,

30
00:02:02.280 --> 00:02:06.560
it's good to see you. It's
great to see you. It's really great

31
00:02:06.599 --> 00:02:07.879
to see you. And as I
say here, this is your fourth time.

32
00:02:07.919 --> 00:02:12.159
You are the only guest that I've
had on my show four times.

33
00:02:12.199 --> 00:02:15.599
I think I've had somebody on twice
and thrice, but never four. Well,

34
00:02:15.639 --> 00:02:20.319
I wanted to be here again.
Yes, me too. And before

35
00:02:20.360 --> 00:02:23.159
we get into situating the whole problem
of extremism and hate speech, which is

36
00:02:23.199 --> 00:02:27.120
really what you're addressing in your book, I want to start with you,

37
00:02:27.319 --> 00:02:31.080
doctor c as if we like to
call each other, this being your fourth

38
00:02:31.080 --> 00:02:35.639
time, because you keep writing books, but this book that you've written this

39
00:02:35.680 --> 00:02:39.080
time is intensely personal and even a
bigger reach for you to a larger audience

40
00:02:39.599 --> 00:02:44.199
because you were diagnosed with plasma miloma
cells recently, which means, as you

41
00:02:44.280 --> 00:02:46.120
say in this book, that you
have cancer in your heart, which I

42
00:02:46.159 --> 00:02:51.000
find just completely ironic, given that
you've done so much work helping people work

43
00:02:51.000 --> 00:02:54.039
on their own hearts. How's it
going, How are you feeling. I'm

44
00:02:54.039 --> 00:02:58.319
feeling great. My numbers are down. I have a great treatment team here

45
00:02:58.319 --> 00:03:00.599
in Boston, it tops Medical Sun, so I'm doing very well. I'm

46
00:03:00.719 --> 00:03:07.159
very fortunate to be in this area
to obtain expert treatment. I see one

47
00:03:07.199 --> 00:03:13.039
of the experts in the world,
and this almlordosis, these toxic proteins that

48
00:03:13.080 --> 00:03:16.159
can locate in your heart. One
of the reasons I included the story in

49
00:03:16.240 --> 00:03:21.719
the introduction to the book Eleasis that
I wanted to display to the reader how

50
00:03:21.759 --> 00:03:25.840
powerful emotions can be and how they
distort perceptions. You know, this concept

51
00:03:25.840 --> 00:03:30.120
of confirmation bias, that what we
the outcome that we want to see,

52
00:03:30.439 --> 00:03:34.680
that we actually produced it in our
minds, even though it may not be

53
00:03:34.759 --> 00:03:38.039
there. And for instance, when
I first heard that I had cancer,

54
00:03:38.199 --> 00:03:40.599
these toxic proteins in my heart,
I still right now, even when I

55
00:03:40.639 --> 00:03:44.800
say the word, I don't feel
like I have it. So intellectually there's

56
00:03:44.840 --> 00:03:49.240
one knowledge base, and then on
an emotional level there's somewhat of a denial

57
00:03:49.360 --> 00:03:52.560
there. As you and I were
talking a little earlier before we came on

58
00:03:52.680 --> 00:03:55.840
air. But you know, nutritionists
say that we are what we eat.

59
00:03:55.960 --> 00:04:00.280
What I say, as a clinical
psychologist, that we are what we see.

60
00:04:00.879 --> 00:04:04.560
And I think our perceptions have been
so distorted recently in this country on

61
00:04:04.599 --> 00:04:11.400
both sides of the isle, Democrats
Republicans, the hateful speech, the sadistic

62
00:04:11.520 --> 00:04:17.279
actions, and it really has demoralized
the Americans in a great way. Yes,

63
00:04:17.600 --> 00:04:21.560
I completely agree with that, and
I appreciate what you say. Also

64
00:04:21.600 --> 00:04:26.360
early in your book, is you
talk about that it as you were navigating

65
00:04:26.399 --> 00:04:29.560
your own cancer journey, that you
also saw that there was really the United

66
00:04:29.600 --> 00:04:32.920
States was being confunded with its own
cancer and its denial of its level of

67
00:04:33.040 --> 00:04:38.839
unrest in recent years and instead chooses
to see America as the greatest nation without

68
00:04:38.839 --> 00:04:43.680
really engaging an objective analysis. I
thought that was incredibly profoundly real and thoughtful

69
00:04:43.720 --> 00:04:47.160
and accurate, you know, And
I would like to believe that it isn't

70
00:04:47.199 --> 00:04:49.879
true, but it is true,
and we have to face up to it.

71
00:04:49.920 --> 00:04:55.000
That we have right now the greatest
rates of prejudice that we've had in

72
00:04:55.040 --> 00:04:58.160
the last thirty years. Anti Semitism, we know, just in the last

73
00:04:58.199 --> 00:05:04.160
few weeks it's up. Racist has
increased, Islamophobia is up, discrimination against

74
00:05:04.160 --> 00:05:12.199
people of different sexual orientations, it's
up. And suicide suicide is up dramatically

75
00:05:12.319 --> 00:05:15.839
in our country. So we're in
trouble, Americans in trouble, and we

76
00:05:15.920 --> 00:05:20.160
need to address it, need to
address it comprehensively. Yeah, And what

77
00:05:20.199 --> 00:05:23.839
I also appreciate a completely agree with
that, by the way, and I'm

78
00:05:23.879 --> 00:05:26.439
so happy to have you on the
show talking about the importance of this and

79
00:05:27.040 --> 00:05:32.160
doing so in a way that I
think is reasonable and and actionable for all

80
00:05:32.199 --> 00:05:34.360
of us. I really, I
just you know that I've been a fan

81
00:05:34.439 --> 00:05:38.040
of yours for years, and what
you've now brought to the world I think

82
00:05:38.160 --> 00:05:42.399
is just so important and so timely. And when you were talking specifically about

83
00:05:42.480 --> 00:05:46.199
this notion, the societal disease that
manifests from hateful speech and hateful actions is

84
00:05:46.319 --> 00:05:50.000
venge and and as you said,
outright sadism. And you and you address

85
00:05:50.040 --> 00:05:56.040
the need to understand and influence those
who feel disenfranchised, disenfranchised and left behind.

86
00:05:56.199 --> 00:05:58.839
I think that's really important to talk
about, is that there is such

87
00:05:59.120 --> 00:06:04.120
an enormous population that does feel disenfranchised
and left behind. It because a little

88
00:06:04.120 --> 00:06:06.920
bit to help us understand just kind
of the numbers you're write in the book

89
00:06:06.920 --> 00:06:12.879
are phenomenal, just huge, Well
forty million people, at least forty million

90
00:06:13.040 --> 00:06:17.319
people are living below the poverty line
at sixteen million children. And the suicide

91
00:06:17.399 --> 00:06:21.360
rates and this is mainly in the
Midwest and the South, but the suicide

92
00:06:21.439 --> 00:06:27.839
rates in the Midwest its now been
called the Mountain States to call the suicide

93
00:06:27.879 --> 00:06:32.759
Belt because there's so many unemployed people, and if you combine unemployment, gun

94
00:06:32.759 --> 00:06:39.720
ownership, and alcoholism or opiate addiction, you have high suicide rates. So

95
00:06:39.959 --> 00:06:44.519
it's it's a deep concern, a
deep concern. And if people don't have

96
00:06:44.639 --> 00:06:51.079
employment, they're they're very apt to
listen to distorted views on media outlets and

97
00:06:51.240 --> 00:06:56.439
radio and so forth, you know, and be convinced that because they're looking

98
00:06:56.439 --> 00:07:00.079
for an enemy. Oftentimes, people
particularly people would say stick chords, people

99
00:07:00.120 --> 00:07:08.279
that tend to project out their dissatisfaction
rather than acknowledging it inwardly. They're blamers.

100
00:07:08.319 --> 00:07:12.199
They blame other people. So now
they're being given a cause. The

101
00:07:12.279 --> 00:07:15.720
Democrats hate the Republicans, the Republicans
hate the Democrats, and it goes back

102
00:07:15.759 --> 00:07:21.560
and forth needlessly because a lot of
their dilemmas, especially that tendency to be

103
00:07:21.639 --> 00:07:26.680
sadistic, to be hurtful to others, has nothing to do with politics,

104
00:07:26.720 --> 00:07:31.120
nothing to do with politics whatsoever.
This is a personality issue. You know.

105
00:07:31.160 --> 00:07:36.560
When we saw the uprising in April
sixth in the Capitol of January sixth,

106
00:07:36.600 --> 00:07:40.319
I'm sorry, in the Capitol,
and we saw a man with a

107
00:07:40.399 --> 00:07:44.399
pole, you know, hitting a
guard. That that man hitting that guy.

108
00:07:44.480 --> 00:07:47.639
That had nothing to do with his
political persuasions, because I know many

109
00:07:47.759 --> 00:07:53.680
Republicans. I have Republican friends and
Republican patients who would never do that in

110
00:07:53.759 --> 00:07:57.519
their wildest dream. They would never
pick up a pole that hit an innocent

111
00:07:57.600 --> 00:08:01.680
person. That's a personality issue.
So I think in the media we haven't

112
00:08:01.720 --> 00:08:05.319
talked about it that way. We
haven't talked about it as a psychological issue,

113
00:08:05.920 --> 00:08:11.120
because that's what it is. It's
not a political issue. And that

114
00:08:11.240 --> 00:08:15.160
and one of the other things that
I found fascinating about your writing at this

115
00:08:15.279 --> 00:08:18.480
time in this book is that you
talk about how more and more Americans have

116
00:08:18.519 --> 00:08:22.040
been adopting extreme views to the right
or to the left, and some of

117
00:08:22.040 --> 00:08:24.800
the very serious conflicts that you've already
brought up to come to that and to

118
00:08:24.839 --> 00:08:28.759
the point even this extremism is that
when I read this, I laughed,

119
00:08:28.800 --> 00:08:31.080
But I shouldn't have, because I
do. I've heard it all over the

120
00:08:31.120 --> 00:08:35.519
place. You said that you know
couples whose significant other doesn't agree with their

121
00:08:35.679 --> 00:08:39.799
political position oftentimes I'm not really allowed
to sleep in the same room with them.

122
00:08:39.879 --> 00:08:45.000
I mean, it's incredible. Yeah. You know, I've been a

123
00:08:45.080 --> 00:08:48.519
practice and clinical psychologist, as you
said in the introduction, for a long

124
00:08:48.559 --> 00:08:54.440
time, and never in my thirty
five years of practicing have I had indications

125
00:08:54.960 --> 00:09:01.639
at times where people talk about politics
in therapy. But it's so common now,

126
00:09:01.080 --> 00:09:03.879
and it's been so common for so
long. It seems like a little

127
00:09:03.960 --> 00:09:07.799
less than the last few months.
But it is people have tuned in in

128
00:09:07.879 --> 00:09:15.440
ways that they never have before,
and they're tuning into stations and outlets that

129
00:09:15.519 --> 00:09:18.480
may not necessarily be telling them the
truth. We have to really work to

130
00:09:18.600 --> 00:09:24.679
distinguish between fiction and non fiction,
entertainment and facts, you know. And

131
00:09:24.720 --> 00:09:28.279
that's that's where I talk a lot
about empathy, because empathy is a capacity

132
00:09:28.279 --> 00:09:33.559
that allows us to seal the whole
field, all the variables that we encounter,

133
00:09:33.720 --> 00:09:37.120
so we can ascertain the facts.
It helps us see the long beyond

134
00:09:37.159 --> 00:09:41.120
the surface. But in the nightly
news and most of the stations, you

135
00:09:41.159 --> 00:09:46.000
know, they're biases in different ways, and we have to we have to

136
00:09:46.080 --> 00:09:50.440
be a little tolerant and about doing
some of the hard work to ascertain the

137
00:09:50.519 --> 00:09:56.240
facts and not assume that we've just
got to tweet on our computer, on

138
00:09:56.240 --> 00:09:58.440
our phone and it tells us what's
happening in the world today because it could

139
00:09:58.440 --> 00:10:05.279
be askedly inaccurate. Yeah so too, And we'll be definitely talking more deeply

140
00:10:05.279 --> 00:10:07.879
about this in the third segment as
well, and died more deeply into that,

141
00:10:07.960 --> 00:10:11.080
but being much more active as individual
citizens. That's one side. Now.

142
00:10:11.120 --> 00:10:13.720
The other side that I want to
talk about next is the importance of

143
00:10:15.240 --> 00:10:18.879
language use by leaders. And you
say in your book, both both Democrats

144
00:10:18.919 --> 00:10:22.639
and Republicans use hateful language. You
said, over the last four years,

145
00:10:22.679 --> 00:10:26.960
particularly language used by leaders husband enormously
divisive and even sadistic. They have essentially

146
00:10:26.960 --> 00:10:31.080
given Americans permission to hate, to
lie, and to demean those who consider

147
00:10:31.120 --> 00:10:37.480
to be their opposition. We know
what leads from credible research that when leaders

148
00:10:37.559 --> 00:10:43.799
talk in disparaging ways about people that
they object to, or ideas or theories

149
00:10:43.799 --> 00:10:48.240
they object to, particularly it's cruel
language. It filters down to the population

150
00:10:48.320 --> 00:10:54.080
as a whole. And what it
does do is it desensitizes people. We

151
00:10:54.200 --> 00:10:58.440
have language now that we've never used
in our history, you know, and

152
00:10:58.240 --> 00:11:03.799
we don't see people crossing the aisle
as we used to twenty thirty years ago.

153
00:11:03.279 --> 00:11:09.639
Democrats stay in their own Little Cocoon
and Republicans stay in theirs. But

154
00:11:09.120 --> 00:11:16.399
we have seen this language infiltrate,
even even to young children. They hear

155
00:11:16.440 --> 00:11:18.639
it on TV. They're getting ready
for school in the morning and it's on

156
00:11:18.639 --> 00:11:24.039
one of the news stations, and
it affects them. It makes them feel

157
00:11:24.080 --> 00:11:28.759
more insecure. But it has become
commonplace, and that's dangerous because we're not

158
00:11:28.799 --> 00:11:33.799
being kind to each other, even
civil to each other. If someone objects

159
00:11:33.840 --> 00:11:37.360
to what you believe in, then
you attack them. That's the new mode.

160
00:11:37.840 --> 00:11:41.440
Rather than trying to understand them,
we attack, right, there's no

161
00:11:41.559 --> 00:11:45.440
discourse. One of the things I
appreciated about your book in terms of that

162
00:11:45.480 --> 00:11:50.480
example, as you talk about how
John McCain and Barack Obama were able to

163
00:11:50.559 --> 00:11:54.639
discourse even though they each disagree with
each other, they both outward publicly respected

164
00:11:54.639 --> 00:12:00.440
each other and worked to converse and
talk about the issues versus just simply put

165
00:12:00.440 --> 00:12:07.080
each other down. Yeah. I
love the example. The actual event that

166
00:12:07.159 --> 00:12:11.000
took place when John McCain was running
against Barack Obama and a woman came up

167
00:12:11.000 --> 00:12:16.200
to him and mentioned that Barack Obama
was an Arab, and John McCain took

168
00:12:16.200 --> 00:12:20.200
the microphone away from her and he
said, no, he isn't. He's

169
00:12:20.240 --> 00:12:24.399
a US citizen, He's a decent
human being. He happens to be someone

170
00:12:24.440 --> 00:12:28.879
who has opposite political views than I
do. But we don't talk that way

171
00:12:28.919 --> 00:12:33.279
in America now. John McCain,
I didn't agree with everything he believed in,

172
00:12:33.679 --> 00:12:37.039
but what I did believe in,
he was a patriot. He crossed

173
00:12:37.080 --> 00:12:41.480
the aisle. John McCain had had
friends on both sides of the aisle,

174
00:12:41.720 --> 00:12:46.600
and we don't see that very often
today, right. I've heard that from

175
00:12:46.679 --> 00:12:50.759
numerous sources as well, who I
regard as being informed. And then you

176
00:12:50.799 --> 00:12:54.960
also talk about in your book that
I believe you say that Barack Obama gave

177
00:12:56.039 --> 00:13:00.799
a storry and losing the word a
speech on behalf of John when you passed.

178
00:13:01.039 --> 00:13:05.159
He well, John McCain picked Barack
Obamba as one of the people to

179
00:13:05.360 --> 00:13:09.639
deliver his eulogy use the word I
was looking for. Yes, is amazing.

180
00:13:09.759 --> 00:13:13.080
It is amazing and such a testament. And so why did I want

181
00:13:13.080 --> 00:13:15.960
to have you back on the show. One of course, I'm a fan

182
00:13:15.960 --> 00:13:18.519
and I believe in what you're doing. But I think this work is so

183
00:13:18.600 --> 00:13:22.399
timely and it does cross over both
of our worlds. And I do want

184
00:13:22.399 --> 00:13:24.360
to make the world a better place, and it does start with being able

185
00:13:24.360 --> 00:13:30.120
to have more civil discourse. And
I love I've never heard anybody speak to

186
00:13:30.200 --> 00:13:33.960
empathy as deeply as you do,
doctor Sera McCauley. And I know you

187
00:13:33.000 --> 00:13:37.440
have a profound command over because of
the work that you do. But we'll

188
00:13:37.440 --> 00:13:39.279
talk more about that in the second
segment here, but before we get to

189
00:13:39.360 --> 00:13:43.960
that, I also want to talk
about what you speak on speak on the

190
00:13:43.960 --> 00:13:46.840
book regarding fixed views and realistic views. This is just fascinating to me.

191
00:13:46.879 --> 00:13:50.759
And you say those in need have
lost faith in government and as a result

192
00:13:50.799 --> 00:13:56.639
of their vulnerabilities or in a position
to be easily manipulated by hateful rhetoric blaming

193
00:13:56.639 --> 00:14:01.000
a fictitious enemy for all the wrongs
in our society. You know, at

194
00:14:01.080 --> 00:14:05.639
least eighty percent of Americans say they
have no faith in Congress. Eighty percent.

195
00:14:05.399 --> 00:14:09.960
That's amazing. It is amazing Americans
say they have no faith. You

196
00:14:09.960 --> 00:14:15.000
know, I have a client who
has been a lobbyist in DC for many

197
00:14:15.080 --> 00:14:18.559
years, and she said, and
she's at the end of her career,

198
00:14:18.600 --> 00:14:20.600
but she said, when she started, you know, you would go you

199
00:14:20.639 --> 00:14:26.399
would see at lunch or in dinner
at DC. At DC that Republicans and

200
00:14:26.679 --> 00:14:30.440
Democrats would be eating together, she
said, it never happens. Now.

201
00:14:30.799 --> 00:14:33.200
It's like you can't cross the aisle
even for dinner, or even have lunch,

202
00:14:33.480 --> 00:14:39.759
even to have a discussion. It's
like it's become clannish rather than actually

203
00:14:39.000 --> 00:14:45.919
serving the constituency that elected you.
It's become clanish. You can't you can't

204
00:14:45.960 --> 00:14:52.000
go against your tribe, right right, such a missing opportunity. Let's grab

205
00:14:52.039 --> 00:14:54.879
our first break, Doctor c I'm
at least Cortez your host. We don't

206
00:14:54.879 --> 00:14:58.240
there with Doctor Arthur's R. Mcculey, a licensed clinical psychologist, author of

207
00:14:58.320 --> 00:15:01.919
numerous books, and a student of
the major religions ever seeking to increase his

208
00:15:01.000 --> 00:15:05.720
understanding of in depth spiritual awakening.
We've been talking a bit about the problem

209
00:15:05.759 --> 00:15:09.240
of extremism and hate speech in the
United States. After the break, we're

210
00:15:09.240 --> 00:15:13.600
going to talk about self awareness and
developing empathy to intervene in these issues.

211
00:15:13.840 --> 00:15:18.840
Stay with us, We'll be right
back. Doctor Release Cortez is a management

212
00:15:18.840 --> 00:15:24.159
consultant specializing in meaning and purpose and
inspirational speaker and author. She helps companies

213
00:15:24.279 --> 00:15:31.679
visioneer for greater purpose among stakeholders.
And develop purpose inspired leadership and meaning infused

214
00:15:31.720 --> 00:15:37.919
cultures that elevate fulfillment, performance,
and commitment within the workforce. To learn

215
00:15:37.960 --> 00:15:41.000
more or to invite a Lease to
speak to your organization, please visit her

216
00:15:41.039 --> 00:15:46.039
at a Lease Cortez dot com.
Let's talk about how to get your employees

217
00:15:46.200 --> 00:15:56.799
working on purpose. This is working
on Purpose with doctor Release Cortez. To

218
00:15:56.879 --> 00:16:02.200
reach our program today or open a
conversation with Elise, send an email to

219
00:16:02.320 --> 00:16:08.759
Elise ali Se at Elise Cortez dot
com. Now back to working on purpose.

220
00:16:15.000 --> 00:16:18.360
Thanks for dating with us, and
welcome back to working on purpose.

221
00:16:18.519 --> 00:16:21.720
As I've watched the pandemic continue on, We've looked for ways to help companies

222
00:16:21.759 --> 00:16:25.919
support their employees handle anxiety, stress, depression, and feeling disconnected, while

223
00:16:25.960 --> 00:16:29.799
also helping to lift and inspire them
with ongoing professional development. We now offer

224
00:16:29.840 --> 00:16:33.679
a well being webinar learning series called
Grab your Gusto Bible well Being from the

225
00:16:33.679 --> 00:16:36.960
inside Out. You can learn more
about that at Elise cortest dot com or

226
00:16:37.000 --> 00:16:40.399
send me an email to Elise at
least Cortes dot com. If you're just

227
00:16:40.480 --> 00:16:42.840
joining the program, I guess is
Doctor Arthur Sierra McCauley, a licensed clinical

228
00:16:42.879 --> 00:16:48.720
psychologist and author of numerous books,
including his latest called America Reunited, a

229
00:16:48.759 --> 00:16:52.399
relational solution to bridge into political,
social, and personal chasm dividing our nation.

230
00:16:52.679 --> 00:16:56.360
He joins today from Boston. I'm
your host, doctor Elise Cortez,

231
00:16:57.039 --> 00:17:02.399
so as we continue talking about your
book, Doctor City, and the foreword

232
00:17:02.480 --> 00:17:06.480
is incredibly powerful and I want to
read it here for our listeners and our

233
00:17:06.559 --> 00:17:11.400
viewers. It says, as doctors
Schwartz and Berghoffer stated in the forward,

234
00:17:11.440 --> 00:17:15.240
we are in a dark time and
in need of an expansive empathy to allow

235
00:17:15.279 --> 00:17:18.519
us to regain our civility and our
sense of reason. We all need to

236
00:17:18.519 --> 00:17:21.720
play our part, and my hope
is that the following pages will provide readers

237
00:17:21.720 --> 00:17:25.000
with a guide to do so.
The stakes are very very high. My

238
00:17:25.160 --> 00:17:27.359
cancer is treatable, and so is
the cancer in our country, but only

239
00:17:27.400 --> 00:17:33.920
if we devise a treatment plan that
we are all willing to implement. You

240
00:17:33.960 --> 00:17:37.000
know, at least. Empathy is
so critically important in this time because empathy

241
00:17:37.039 --> 00:17:41.519
is the capacity to understand and respond
to the unique experiences of another. It

242
00:17:41.559 --> 00:17:47.519
allows us to look beyond the surface. We're not looking beyond the surface today.

243
00:17:47.920 --> 00:17:52.960
People are defined by it, by
being labeled as Democrat or Republican,

244
00:17:52.480 --> 00:17:56.119
and we've never had this before in
our country where people actually use this as

245
00:17:56.160 --> 00:18:02.759
part of their identity. You know, in the nineteen six three percent of

246
00:18:03.200 --> 00:18:07.680
people were upset if someone one of
their adult children married someone of the other

247
00:18:07.880 --> 00:18:12.640
political party. Today is eighty seven
percent. Oh my gosh, which is

248
00:18:12.680 --> 00:18:17.079
amazing. Can you imagine coming home
and saying, Oh, I'm marrying a

249
00:18:17.119 --> 00:18:21.640
Republican or a Democrat, and your
family is just that they're astounded, they're

250
00:18:21.680 --> 00:18:26.759
so surprised, they're so upset because
we're using it as part of our personality

251
00:18:26.839 --> 00:18:33.680
profile rather than realizing the facts.
Are Democrats indicated Republicans are racist. It's

252
00:18:33.720 --> 00:18:37.920
not true. Republicans say that Democrats
are socialists. It's not true. It's

253
00:18:37.920 --> 00:18:44.960
a very small minority in either party
that are at those extreme and have those

254
00:18:45.000 --> 00:18:48.880
extreme views. The amount of hate
that they think they have for each other,

255
00:18:48.079 --> 00:18:52.920
it's not really the majority of people. You know, about six percent

256
00:18:53.000 --> 00:18:59.640
of Republicans are far right, and
eight percent of Democrats of progressives and the

257
00:18:59.680 --> 00:19:03.839
rest the sixty seven percent is called
the exhausted majority. The people in the

258
00:19:03.839 --> 00:19:08.319
middle right right and one of the
other things that I found so fascinating about

259
00:19:08.359 --> 00:19:12.279
what you write about and this whole
notion of extremism, and I thought was

260
00:19:12.359 --> 00:19:17.960
fascinating when you talk about you wonder
if the pendulum motion between self absorption and

261
00:19:18.079 --> 00:19:22.480
narcissism and then generosity and empathy is
yet another example of this extremism that we're

262
00:19:22.519 --> 00:19:26.880
talking about right now between the parties. Well, narcissism. We have seen

263
00:19:27.000 --> 00:19:34.319
narcissism grow. More people are are
behaving in narcissistic ways, and we have

264
00:19:34.519 --> 00:19:40.359
less empathy as a society. We
know that societies that have more empathy.

265
00:19:40.400 --> 00:19:44.240
We know that businesses, as you
know, who have more empathy and empathic

266
00:19:44.359 --> 00:19:52.240
environment, their profits are higher.
And in countries that have higher percentages of

267
00:19:52.319 --> 00:19:56.759
empathy, people are healthier and live
longer, are happier and more productive.

268
00:19:56.200 --> 00:20:02.640
And children in schools who would have
taught to with empathy they have higher content

269
00:20:02.720 --> 00:20:06.480
of skills. Their test scores are
higher. So it's not just a soft

270
00:20:06.519 --> 00:20:11.799
skill. It really it really results
in productive behavior. But we're not seeing

271
00:20:11.880 --> 00:20:17.359
much of it right now. We're
seeing more self interest, self absorbed in

272
00:20:17.599 --> 00:20:22.160
us against them. You know that
black and white thinking, that very narrow

273
00:20:22.279 --> 00:20:27.559
thinking rather than or expansive thinking.
What I think about the way you're describing

274
00:20:27.559 --> 00:20:30.319
this, doctor, See, what
really comes to mind is sort of a

275
00:20:30.920 --> 00:20:36.519
like a bombastic approach, you know, a spitting approach to discourse or dialogue

276
00:20:36.519 --> 00:20:38.920
instead of what I'm having with you
and what I just had earlier on today

277
00:20:38.960 --> 00:20:44.279
with another very emotionally intelligent leader who
knows how to use empathy. Where there's

278
00:20:44.359 --> 00:20:48.519
clearly there's the energy, the space
is open for interaction, for exchange,

279
00:20:49.240 --> 00:20:53.160
there's a reach for understanding. It's
not a peppering of this is my view

280
00:20:53.640 --> 00:20:57.799
on top of the other person.
That's what I's so characterize and catch that

281
00:20:57.839 --> 00:21:04.839
it's so palpable. It's so critically
important to interact that way, especially as

282
00:21:06.000 --> 00:21:10.880
leaders, because what we have seen
in leaders in both parties and both parties

283
00:21:10.920 --> 00:21:15.799
are guilty, is if they're criticized, they throw the kitchen sink at the

284
00:21:15.799 --> 00:21:19.359
other time, rather than trying to
understand how come you're even saying that,

285
00:21:19.480 --> 00:21:23.559
what is your position? What is
it that you're thinking? Trying to understand

286
00:21:23.599 --> 00:21:29.599
where it comes from, rather than
just attacking. It's really bullying behavior.

287
00:21:29.839 --> 00:21:33.880
It's what bullies do, and we
see it in grown men now, grown

288
00:21:33.920 --> 00:21:37.960
men who are on the TV every
name, and you know, the stations

289
00:21:37.039 --> 00:21:44.039
that were that adhere to this have
large followings. And I don't think the

290
00:21:44.160 --> 00:21:48.240
people that are following the individuals who
tend to be more statistic and aggressive with

291
00:21:48.359 --> 00:21:53.480
their language. I don't think people
realize this is entertainment. It's not news,

292
00:21:53.559 --> 00:21:57.960
it's not fact, it's entertainment.
These are entertainment shows, but they

293
00:21:57.960 --> 00:22:03.799
don't tell the listeners that it's entertainment. Yes, and they're not grasping that

294
00:22:03.880 --> 00:22:07.359
in between. And so you offer
something in your books, of course if

295
00:22:07.359 --> 00:22:10.240
you're prone to do because you stand
for this. You stand for helping people

296
00:22:10.240 --> 00:22:12.720
to understand their own prejudice, of
their own biases to themselves and to others.

297
00:22:14.240 --> 00:22:17.799
So you have a portion of the
book where you talk about the way

298
00:22:17.839 --> 00:22:21.000
forward is to listen to the brain, you say, and you say,

299
00:22:21.000 --> 00:22:23.359
when we develop keen awareness, we
become attentive to the moment, just as

300
00:22:23.359 --> 00:22:27.440
you're talking about right now. We
notice emotions as they occur before they are

301
00:22:27.480 --> 00:22:32.799
altered by memories of the past,
at that point before past conditioning takes over.

302
00:22:32.880 --> 00:22:36.279
Emotions are a cue from which we
can benefit. People can avoid a

303
00:22:36.359 --> 00:22:40.559
stress response by seeing what actually was
taking place and by using their empathy to

304
00:22:40.599 --> 00:22:48.279
allow the truth to become evident.
Emotions are acute, as you know,

305
00:22:48.599 --> 00:22:52.279
they tell us something about the experience
we're having with another human being. On

306
00:22:52.319 --> 00:22:56.960
the other hand, if we haven't
worked out some of our own conditioning that

307
00:22:57.319 --> 00:23:02.480
they can interfere with them, emotion
that we can start, we can react

308
00:23:02.480 --> 00:23:07.599
to impulsively quickly, and that we
we are thinking becomes more distorted. So

309
00:23:07.640 --> 00:23:12.640
there's a pure aspect to emotion,
but there's also a biased aspect to emotion,

310
00:23:12.799 --> 00:23:17.319
where you know, if you look
like my ex wife, I don't

311
00:23:17.359 --> 00:23:19.599
have an ex wife, but if
I did, and I may have an

312
00:23:19.680 --> 00:23:23.480
uncomfortable feeling, And now I'm saying, well, boy, you know,

313
00:23:23.519 --> 00:23:26.759
at least seems kind of a loof. I don't really want to work on

314
00:23:26.799 --> 00:23:32.279
that project with it or whatever it
is. You're you're not using the emotion

315
00:23:32.440 --> 00:23:37.240
constructively. You're because you haven't worked
out things from the past. We all

316
00:23:37.319 --> 00:23:41.240
have biases from the past. My
career has been dedicated to helping people reduce

317
00:23:41.279 --> 00:23:47.480
their prejudice toward themselves and toward others. But when we do that, then

318
00:23:47.519 --> 00:23:52.359
we can perceive clearly. But also
our emotions are a purer guide to what's

319
00:23:52.400 --> 00:23:57.119
happening in our world. Yeah,
there there there are a flag, if

320
00:23:57.160 --> 00:24:00.559
you will. So one of the
things I want to do this with you

321
00:24:00.640 --> 00:24:03.880
today, right now in the air. Two for our listeners and our viewers,

322
00:24:03.920 --> 00:24:07.079
because you do this beautifully in the
book, Doctor c Is, you

323
00:24:07.119 --> 00:24:08.559
say that in our in our culture
today, there are many topics that will

324
00:24:08.640 --> 00:24:14.279
cause an emotional reaction and produce strong
responses in people. And you say,

325
00:24:14.319 --> 00:24:18.359
I'm going to read the list for
our listeners and our viewers. So pay

326
00:24:18.440 --> 00:24:22.400
attention now, listeners and viewers to
your emotions when I read this list.

327
00:24:22.200 --> 00:24:27.880
Black Lives Matter, me Too movement, DACA dot com, pro life and

328
00:24:27.880 --> 00:24:37.079
pro choice movements, lb LGBTQ rights, gun control, animal rights, global

329
00:24:37.119 --> 00:24:44.559
climate change, vaccines, white supremacy, universal healthcare, religious freedom, federal

330
00:24:44.559 --> 00:24:52.359
living wage, the Green New Deal, evolution. For a lot of people,

331
00:24:52.400 --> 00:24:53.759
there's a lot of juice in those
things, one way or the other.

332
00:24:55.279 --> 00:24:57.200
Yes, you know, I wrote
a chapter in the book who would

333
00:24:57.200 --> 00:25:03.880
you vote for? You did Jesus, Muhamed, Moses or Buddha? And

334
00:25:03.920 --> 00:25:08.279
the reason I picked those four is
and I knew that people would react and

335
00:25:10.359 --> 00:25:15.039
have a bias, but could but
The chapter really focuses on could you ascertain

336
00:25:15.079 --> 00:25:19.920
the objective facts to who actually would
be the best leader in the particular situation,

337
00:25:21.559 --> 00:25:25.480
or would you just vote for the
person that you that you were told

338
00:25:25.519 --> 00:25:30.640
when you when you were a young
child, was the ideal figure without really

339
00:25:30.680 --> 00:25:37.279
ascertaining the facts all the time.
One of the many things I admire about

340
00:25:37.319 --> 00:25:41.759
you and respect about two Doctors is
that you are a student of major the

341
00:25:41.839 --> 00:25:44.279
range of religions of the world,
and you appreciate them, and you have

342
00:25:44.400 --> 00:25:47.359
something to learn from and take from
all of them. And I think that

343
00:25:47.400 --> 00:25:51.480
that's something that's really really important,
because to your point, if we are

344
00:25:51.519 --> 00:25:53.720
reared in one certain faith or a
certain way of thinking, even about the

345
00:25:53.720 --> 00:25:57.000
political party, or about any of
the religious deities, et cetera, and

346
00:25:57.000 --> 00:26:02.200
we haven't done our own work and
our own thinking to examine and explore whatso

347
00:26:02.400 --> 00:26:06.279
for us, well, what kind
of thinking is that? What kind of

348
00:26:06.319 --> 00:26:10.960
what kind of a citizen is that? We? I think as adults,

349
00:26:11.039 --> 00:26:15.720
our responsibility is to examine our prejudices, because we all have them. We

350
00:26:15.759 --> 00:26:18.319
have biases. We go up with
biases toward ourselves, we go up with

351
00:26:18.359 --> 00:26:23.279
biases toward other people, Other nations, other cultures, maybe other genders,

352
00:26:23.759 --> 00:26:29.039
other ethnicities. But to be a
person that really is going to contribute to

353
00:26:29.039 --> 00:26:33.279
the world, we have to examine
those biases and we have to read ourselves

354
00:26:33.319 --> 00:26:37.480
of them. Just like in this
political climate right now where people have all

355
00:26:37.519 --> 00:26:41.640
these biases toward the opposite political party, we have to really ascertain the facts

356
00:26:41.680 --> 00:26:47.880
and find out what we've been thinking. Is it actually true or did we

357
00:26:48.000 --> 00:26:55.480
hear it on a broadcast or from
a particular media host and we really never

358
00:26:55.519 --> 00:26:59.920
examined it. It takes It takes
some time and work to figure out who

359
00:27:00.079 --> 00:27:03.720
we are and to figure out what
was happening in our world. It takes

360
00:27:03.759 --> 00:27:08.119
time and it takes work, and
if we don't invest, then we walk

361
00:27:08.160 --> 00:27:15.039
around with the storted thinking all the
time. I was sharing this with my

362
00:27:15.599 --> 00:27:18.079
friend Charles this morning. We run
in six miles every Tuesday at six and

363
00:27:18.960 --> 00:27:22.880
I was sharing this with him,
and I was talking with you today and

364
00:27:22.079 --> 00:27:26.440
why this is such important work that
if we don't each do our own work,

365
00:27:26.839 --> 00:27:29.240
that we actually are contributing to the
problem, We're not making the world

366
00:27:29.279 --> 00:27:32.400
better, We're just we're contributing to
the problem. And one of the things

367
00:27:32.400 --> 00:27:34.599
I appreciate too about your book is
I like how you let us into the

368
00:27:34.599 --> 00:27:40.160
group therapy sessions and really helped us
understand how some of that work really helps

369
00:27:40.160 --> 00:27:42.880
people to examine put a mirrope,
if you will, to their own biases,

370
00:27:42.920 --> 00:27:45.640
their own prejudices, to see where
they came from and just are they

371
00:27:45.680 --> 00:27:49.119
really true and how are they working
for them? Incredible work that you do.

372
00:27:51.279 --> 00:27:53.680
You know. The highlight of my
week is is the three groups that

373
00:27:53.680 --> 00:27:59.240
I've been running for many years at
least, And the reason that I love

374
00:27:59.279 --> 00:28:03.359
it so much is that people come
in thinking one thing or several things about

375
00:28:03.400 --> 00:28:07.680
themselves, and by the time they
leave, they've unlearned so much. And

376
00:28:07.720 --> 00:28:14.400
I think a lot of becoming a
mature reasonable person is unlearning some of the

377
00:28:15.039 --> 00:28:18.119
faulty things that we learned about ourselves
and others. And it happens in group,

378
00:28:18.400 --> 00:28:22.920
in a group experience, because you
know, after people listen to you

379
00:28:22.960 --> 00:28:26.279
attentively for several months, it's hard
to deny nine or ten people think one

380
00:28:26.279 --> 00:28:30.039
thing of you and you think the
other. You know you're going to stick

381
00:28:30.079 --> 00:28:33.839
to your story. We're all too
subjective. We need objective feedback from rational

382
00:28:33.960 --> 00:28:38.880
reasonable people to find out who we
truly are and if what we believe is

383
00:28:38.920 --> 00:28:45.559
true or accurate. Yes, indeed, and so that's one method to be

384
00:28:45.640 --> 00:28:48.720
able to start to set aside as
you say unlearned some of the things that

385
00:28:48.079 --> 00:28:52.160
we have accepted as truth. Another
thing that you talk about in the book

386
00:28:52.200 --> 00:28:55.920
that I find incredibly compelling, and
I believe we talked about this in one

387
00:28:55.920 --> 00:28:59.599
of the other shows before, is
this method of deliberative pulling. I don't

388
00:28:59.599 --> 00:29:02.319
want to show this with our listeners
and viewers. I think it's incredibly useful,

389
00:29:02.319 --> 00:29:04.799
and if we could do this more
insight organizations, communities, companies,

390
00:29:04.839 --> 00:29:07.759
any kinds of groups, I think
it would be incredible. But you describe

391
00:29:07.799 --> 00:29:11.519
it as a method whereby a random
sample of people is brought together to discuss

392
00:29:11.559 --> 00:29:17.000
a particular topic or public interest topic
such as global warming, anything it could

393
00:29:17.000 --> 00:29:21.839
be. Materials and experts are provided
to allow for factual assessment of variables involved

394
00:29:21.880 --> 00:29:25.920
in making decisions in small group discussions. The method has produced encouraging results.

395
00:29:25.960 --> 00:29:30.920
People emerged less hostile to each other
realizing that they have made conclusions that were

396
00:29:30.960 --> 00:29:36.400
not fact based. This would be
incredible work to do anywhere. Yes,

397
00:29:36.720 --> 00:29:42.440
yes, and I think it works
because you're bringing in experts who are indicating

398
00:29:44.079 --> 00:29:48.920
what they believe that they have found
in their fields, and also giving material

399
00:29:48.960 --> 00:29:53.200
to people to read. But one
of the keys I think is you're slowing

400
00:29:53.200 --> 00:29:57.000
down the process. You've got people
on one side and the other side said,

401
00:29:57.039 --> 00:30:00.319
let's say climate change, people who
don't believe that it exists, people

402
00:30:00.319 --> 00:30:04.079
who do believe it exists. But
instead of them yelling at each other or

403
00:30:04.119 --> 00:30:08.920
insulting each other, you have moderators
that are slowing down the process. And

404
00:30:10.000 --> 00:30:14.880
the key to empathy is slow down, slow down, and listen. Empathic

405
00:30:15.000 --> 00:30:19.000
listening. Empathic listening means I put
my own views aside for the moment,

406
00:30:19.200 --> 00:30:23.000
and I want to understand yours.
And when that happens. In some of

407
00:30:23.039 --> 00:30:27.839
those meetings and delivered polling, seventy
percent of the people change their minds.

408
00:30:27.880 --> 00:30:32.599
Seventy percent of the people change their
minds about the person on the other side

409
00:30:32.640 --> 00:30:36.599
of the table. It was amazing, It is amazing. And you even

410
00:30:36.640 --> 00:30:41.759
say in your book there are examples
from people exiting those delivered polling groups who

411
00:30:41.000 --> 00:30:48.000
were vehmely opposed to each other walking
in and actually hugged walking out. Yes,

412
00:30:48.559 --> 00:30:53.119
yes, well, because you're finding
the common ground, and politically there

413
00:30:53.240 --> 00:30:57.079
is more common ground. We don't
hear about it, but if you pull

414
00:30:57.200 --> 00:31:04.839
the populace people who identifies democratic or
Republican excuse me, you see that there

415
00:31:04.839 --> 00:31:11.240
are far more similarities than there are
differences. Absolutely big. Your heads are

416
00:31:11.319 --> 00:31:15.359
not indicating that that's absolutely where I
want to go to next. After this

417
00:31:15.400 --> 00:31:18.160
next break, doctor c I'm your
host, Doctor Lease Cortez. We are

418
00:31:18.160 --> 00:31:22.039
on the air with doctors Arthur Sierra
McCauley, a licensed clinical psychologist, author

419
00:31:22.079 --> 00:31:26.759
of numerous books, and believer that
self care and the capacity for empathy are

420
00:31:26.799 --> 00:31:30.839
the keys to personal and professional success. We've been talking a bit about self

421
00:31:30.880 --> 00:31:34.440
awareness and developing empathy to intervene in
the issues of our times. After the

422
00:31:34.440 --> 00:31:37.240
break, our last session will be
focused on leaders and each of us,

423
00:31:37.240 --> 00:31:41.799
what will you do individually as our
own role to improve the situation? Staying

424
00:31:41.799 --> 00:31:47.440
with us when we right back.
Doctor Leise Cortez is a management consultant specializing

425
00:31:47.440 --> 00:31:52.880
in meaning and purpose and inspirational speaker
and author. She helps companies visioneer for

426
00:31:52.960 --> 00:31:59.960
greater purpose among stakeholders and develop purpose
inspired leadership and meaning infused cultures that elevate

427
00:32:00.200 --> 00:32:05.680
fulfillment, performance, and commitment within
the workforce. To learn more or to

428
00:32:05.720 --> 00:32:09.000
invite a lease to speak to your
organization, please visit her at Eleise Cortez

429
00:32:09.079 --> 00:32:14.240
dot com. Let's talk about how
to get your employees working on purpose.

430
00:32:21.400 --> 00:32:25.039
This is working on Purpose with doctor
Release Cortez. To reach our program today

431
00:32:25.160 --> 00:32:31.039
or open a conversation with Elise,
send an email to Elise ali Se at

432
00:32:31.079 --> 00:32:43.680
Elise Cortez dot com. Now back
to working on Purpose. Thanks for staying

433
00:32:43.720 --> 00:32:45.359
with us, and welcome back to
working on Purpose. I mentioned after the

434
00:32:45.359 --> 00:32:50.319
first break about the Grab Your Gusto
Wellbeing web learning series. The content of

435
00:32:50.359 --> 00:32:53.559
that programs adapted from part one of
my recently published book called Purpose Ignited,

436
00:32:53.599 --> 00:32:57.680
How It's Fury Leader's Ignite, Passion
and All that Cause, which is now

437
00:32:57.720 --> 00:33:00.960
available on Amazon. And I wrote
that book to waken awaken readers to their

438
00:33:00.000 --> 00:33:05.400
passion and purpose and help transform them
into inspirational leaders who enliven the workplace and

439
00:33:05.480 --> 00:33:07.680
elevate the contribution of business to all
of stakeholders. So that's where the content

440
00:33:07.720 --> 00:33:12.119
came from. If you're just joining
us, my guest joining us today is

441
00:33:12.240 --> 00:33:15.519
from Boston. Doctor Arthur Sir mccouley, a licensed clinical psychologist and author of

442
00:33:15.599 --> 00:33:21.680
numerous books, including his latest called
America Reunited, a Relational Solution to bridging

443
00:33:21.680 --> 00:33:24.200
the political, social, and personal
chasm dividing our nation. I'm your host,

444
00:33:24.240 --> 00:33:30.599
doctor Elis Cortez. So for this
last segment here, Doctor c I

445
00:33:30.640 --> 00:33:34.559
want to talk about really what each
of us can do individually as our individual

446
00:33:34.599 --> 00:33:37.640
roles, as well as what leaders
can do to start to ameliorate the situation,

447
00:33:37.680 --> 00:33:42.160
if you will, and I want
to start very deeply with your perspective

448
00:33:42.160 --> 00:33:46.680
and your learned views on empathy and
forgiveness. You talk about origins of hate

449
00:33:46.759 --> 00:33:52.039
is often rooted in early deprivation or
abuse and result in blaming of others for

450
00:33:52.079 --> 00:33:54.880
what a young person could not control
or alter. Would you help us understand

451
00:33:54.880 --> 00:33:59.920
say more about this. I think
that listeners and yours will really be quite

452
00:34:00.079 --> 00:34:02.400
taken aback to really recognize just what
is at the heart of this. You

453
00:34:02.440 --> 00:34:07.280
mentioned this in the first segment that
the person hitting with the baton is actually

454
00:34:07.519 --> 00:34:14.760
it's not about politics, So what
have been that here? It's always fascinated

455
00:34:14.800 --> 00:34:20.920
me at least that people that grow
up in very very difficult circumstances, one

456
00:34:21.000 --> 00:34:25.199
person will be that person with the
baton hitting the innocent police officer, and

457
00:34:25.280 --> 00:34:30.519
another person has worked out their difficulties
for given the people that have hurt them

458
00:34:30.599 --> 00:34:37.079
because they've used empathy to understand.
They understand their circumstances. And one of

459
00:34:37.079 --> 00:34:40.920
the things that comes with empathy is
that you realize that most of the time

460
00:34:42.000 --> 00:34:46.760
people gave to give you what they
can, they give you to the extent

461
00:34:46.840 --> 00:34:52.719
of ability they have. So you
may have not have been treated very well,

462
00:34:52.079 --> 00:34:57.639
but it isn't necessarily because that's an
evil person who wanted to intentionally hurt

463
00:34:57.679 --> 00:35:01.440
you. Maybe this person, maybe
your parents or coaches, or whoever it

464
00:35:01.519 --> 00:35:07.880
is that may have even abused you
or treated you inappropriately. It's coming to

465
00:35:07.960 --> 00:35:13.039
understand who they are, not necessarily
approving of any of their behavior. You

466
00:35:13.039 --> 00:35:16.400
don't have to approve to forgive,
but to move on, you have to

467
00:35:16.519 --> 00:35:22.360
understand where people are coming from and
that it wasn't it wasn't as personal as

468
00:35:22.360 --> 00:35:28.599
you may have felt as a child. So some people overcome They go into

469
00:35:28.679 --> 00:35:30.960
therapy, they go into some of
the groups that we just talked about,

470
00:35:31.360 --> 00:35:37.480
They talked to friends, they open
up. It's not something you can keep

471
00:35:37.480 --> 00:35:42.199
to yourself and work out. You
need objective feedback from other people. But

472
00:35:42.320 --> 00:35:45.199
some people develop the hate that we've
seen recently, and they hold on to

473
00:35:45.360 --> 00:35:50.920
it tightly, and they want to
abuse other people to kind of correct the

474
00:35:50.960 --> 00:35:54.599
abuse that they experience. And what
they're doing is they're putting all faces on

475
00:35:54.679 --> 00:36:00.719
new faces. They don't even that
that person who was hitting the officers with

476
00:36:00.840 --> 00:36:04.679
the I mean, he doesn't even
know that person. So that person's he's

477
00:36:04.800 --> 00:36:09.239
making up for what was done to
him by doing it to an innocent person

478
00:36:09.239 --> 00:36:14.639
who has nothing to do with them. And that's how misdirected it can be.

479
00:36:15.480 --> 00:36:20.719
But there are ways of resolving these
kind of difficulties, There are ways

480
00:36:20.760 --> 00:36:27.880
of overcoming trauma, and and so
one two things I got from that doctor

481
00:36:27.920 --> 00:36:30.360
c One is that I really got
so present that what you know when we

482
00:36:30.400 --> 00:36:37.800
see these these people with these tremendously
hateful speech and these hateful actions, really

483
00:36:37.840 --> 00:36:39.119
what we're seeing, if you tell
me if I'm wrong about this, is

484
00:36:39.159 --> 00:36:44.480
this is person literally on stage and
raw of their own experience, their own

485
00:36:44.519 --> 00:36:50.639
wounds. They are they are projecting
out the self hatred they have onto someone

486
00:36:50.679 --> 00:36:53.920
else. They are reliving their childhood. They're returning to the scene of the

487
00:36:54.000 --> 00:37:00.480
crime and reliving it on innocent people, and it speaks to a sense of

488
00:37:00.559 --> 00:37:06.039
inadequacy and insecurity. People who are
aggressive, people who are sadistic are never

489
00:37:06.159 --> 00:37:10.480
happy people. They're miserable because they
always have an enemy. There's always somebody

490
00:37:10.519 --> 00:37:15.519
that they're complaining about, somebody that
they want to get even with. And

491
00:37:15.639 --> 00:37:19.039
what wait, how can you feel
at ease within yourself or have any sense

492
00:37:19.039 --> 00:37:22.480
of serenity when you're always trying to
fight with someone? And it speaks to

493
00:37:22.599 --> 00:37:27.519
insecurity. And I think it's very
important that we know that when you see

494
00:37:27.639 --> 00:37:31.400
leaders talking that way, they're sharing
with you, they're inadequacy. Yes,

495
00:37:32.039 --> 00:37:36.239
that's exactly what I wanted to showcase, Doctorcy, just because that is when

496
00:37:36.239 --> 00:37:39.360
people really understand that that's what that
is. Now they really have, I

497
00:37:39.400 --> 00:37:43.800
hope, the capacity to start to
look and use empathy. And you say

498
00:37:43.800 --> 00:37:45.559
it because you say your own hurt
gets in the way of being a whole

499
00:37:45.599 --> 00:37:50.639
empathetic person. And so if we
can recognize that's what's really going on here,

500
00:37:50.719 --> 00:37:53.239
I think we can start to separate
the weight from the shaft. We

501
00:37:53.360 --> 00:37:59.280
have to not idealize sadistic leaders.
We have to look up to leaders who

502
00:37:59.360 --> 00:38:04.000
lead with aegrity, authenticity, and
empathy. What I call the soulful leaders,

503
00:38:05.079 --> 00:38:08.039
because the people that people want to
be around them and want to be

504
00:38:08.079 --> 00:38:14.639
around and learn from, and they
establish an environment where it's very high spirited.

505
00:38:15.000 --> 00:38:19.360
The other environment is one of fear. They lead through aggression and fear.

506
00:38:19.639 --> 00:38:23.119
They're already threatening people. And then
some people take that on. It's

507
00:38:23.159 --> 00:38:27.719
thinking, oh, how strong that
person is. It is not strength at

508
00:38:27.760 --> 00:38:35.840
all. As I said a few
minutes ago, it's the depths of inadequacy.

509
00:38:36.000 --> 00:38:38.360
I entirely understand that. And I
really wanted to make sure that you

510
00:38:38.400 --> 00:38:42.159
speak to them. You did that
beautifully. And then now I want to

511
00:38:42.199 --> 00:38:45.559
go onto this whole notion of and
you started to say this in the last

512
00:38:45.559 --> 00:38:49.159
segment, I think, but the
divide you say is actually driven less by

513
00:38:49.159 --> 00:38:52.119
the adherence to the positions held by
each party, but more by the hate

514
00:38:52.159 --> 00:38:57.400
they have cultivated for each other,
and that they both overestimate how much members

515
00:38:57.400 --> 00:39:00.920
of the other party dislike them,
and then they also estimate the degree to

516
00:39:00.000 --> 00:39:07.320
which with those sorry they disagree,
the degree to which they disagree in central

517
00:39:07.360 --> 00:39:09.159
issues, and they agree on certain
others. And so would you speak a

518
00:39:09.199 --> 00:39:14.639
bit about to this whole notion of
or back on the leadership front here of

519
00:39:14.760 --> 00:39:19.159
what's happening between these parties that continues
to fuel this extremism and this hate.

520
00:39:19.559 --> 00:39:23.920
Well, both sides are guilty of
deumanizing each other. And I think that

521
00:39:24.519 --> 00:39:30.880
it is a select view at the
top that influenced people going down, going

522
00:39:30.920 --> 00:39:36.599
down the ladder and in particular parties. We as Americans have to have to

523
00:39:36.719 --> 00:39:39.159
vote for people that cross the aisle. We have to start, We have

524
00:39:39.280 --> 00:39:44.880
to demand that people cross the aisle. We can no longer just vote our

525
00:39:44.920 --> 00:39:50.159
party. You know, voting your
party in today's world means that you have

526
00:39:50.239 --> 00:39:54.800
to eliminate fifty percent of other people's
views. We need people across the aisle.

527
00:39:54.880 --> 00:40:00.199
We need people to serve the citizens
and voted them into office, not

528
00:40:00.360 --> 00:40:05.440
people that just go along with whatever
party they belong to. That's definitely have

529
00:40:05.559 --> 00:40:09.079
too much of agreed. And as
you say in your book, I do

530
00:40:09.159 --> 00:40:13.480
the same thing. You say.
You tend not to necessarily vote, buy

531
00:40:13.480 --> 00:40:16.719
a party a line, but what
for whatever person represents what you what you

532
00:40:16.920 --> 00:40:21.920
what you tend to align with or
can support? Am I right about that?

533
00:40:22.000 --> 00:40:23.760
And I get that right? Yeah? I mean I tend to vote

534
00:40:23.800 --> 00:40:27.400
for the person, not the party, the person at the party. Yes,

535
00:40:28.000 --> 00:40:30.519
yes, me too. I wanted
to make sure I got that accurate.

536
00:40:30.559 --> 00:40:32.480
I wanted to make sure that that
that I didn't say anything that was

537
00:40:32.559 --> 00:40:37.360
erroneous on your on your behalf.
So then let's go back to what you

538
00:40:37.400 --> 00:40:39.280
and I said in the first segment
here, is that we need to do

539
00:40:39.280 --> 00:40:44.480
our jobs as citizens, as individual
citizens. And you say, we've become

540
00:40:44.519 --> 00:40:49.360
accustomed to terms like alternative facts,
fake news, the far right, the

541
00:40:49.400 --> 00:40:52.719
far left, all terms that indicate
bias and choosing a side. And so

542
00:40:52.800 --> 00:40:57.159
again this is where we get into
this notion of what are what are we

543
00:40:57.199 --> 00:41:00.079
watching? Are we watching entertainment or
what are we watching here? And and

544
00:41:00.079 --> 00:41:02.400
you also, and this is actually
really important, you also say then that

545
00:41:02.440 --> 00:41:07.079
as a results a tendency to lose
faith in all news and all authorities.

546
00:41:07.079 --> 00:41:10.199
And as New York Times calumnists Matt
By points out, if we lose faith

547
00:41:10.199 --> 00:41:15.719
in being able to determine the difference
between entertainment and reality, between fiction and

548
00:41:15.760 --> 00:41:21.280
nonfiction, we will further accentuate a
world built on marketeers and media. Yes,

549
00:41:22.079 --> 00:41:27.400
and I mean his comments are are
very poignant and very very important because

550
00:41:27.679 --> 00:41:34.280
again when you're watching news and nightly
news in particular on the different stations,

551
00:41:34.679 --> 00:41:43.000
you have to separate what is entertainment
versus what is facts. And when people

552
00:41:43.039 --> 00:41:50.000
are talking with great intensity and great
passion, with very degrading, dehumanizing language,

553
00:41:50.599 --> 00:41:53.880
don't trust them. Don't trust them
because the likelihood that that person is

554
00:41:53.920 --> 00:41:58.920
giving you an accurate depiction of what's
happening in our world is very low,

555
00:41:59.400 --> 00:42:02.960
if if it all existed, because
there's no reason to talk that way,

556
00:42:04.000 --> 00:42:07.840
there's no reason to demonize other people. That's a person who has an agenda,

557
00:42:08.159 --> 00:42:13.320
and always be careful to not take
in people that have an agenda and

558
00:42:13.440 --> 00:42:15.880
trying to get you to come on
board and start to talk and act in

559
00:42:15.920 --> 00:42:21.360
the same way. One of the
things that you also point out in the

560
00:42:21.360 --> 00:42:24.719
book, which I certainly subscribe to
and do my best to adhere to,

561
00:42:25.000 --> 00:42:30.559
is you talk about the importance of
getting your news from different outlets by intentionally

562
00:42:30.559 --> 00:42:37.719
making sure that you are not just
receiving from your usual posts, but doing

563
00:42:37.760 --> 00:42:42.519
your homework and trying to get a
variety of voices and perspectives in the mix.

564
00:42:43.760 --> 00:42:45.880
Some of the studies that I cited
in the book at least is the

565
00:42:45.920 --> 00:42:51.559
people that watch the same news programs
every evening had the highest rate of distorted

566
00:42:51.639 --> 00:42:55.159
thinking. Yes, because they're listening
to the same commentators over and over again.

567
00:42:55.480 --> 00:43:00.960
But always remember pay attention to the
land language. I know I'm repeating

568
00:43:01.000 --> 00:43:07.320
myself, but it's so critically important. When the language becomes disparaging, don't

569
00:43:07.320 --> 00:43:13.199
trust that the information you're receiving.
So what I certainly want to emphasize here

570
00:43:13.239 --> 00:43:15.360
on this show, and again,
one of the many reasons I wanted to

571
00:43:15.360 --> 00:43:19.079
have you on again is is I
am asking what do I stand for?

572
00:43:19.239 --> 00:43:22.679
Is I am like you in many
ways, I am standing to try to

573
00:43:22.679 --> 00:43:28.119
help elevate the world, help elevate
our consciousness, our own positive impact in

574
00:43:28.159 --> 00:43:30.480
the world, our own our own
ability to make a difference with our one

575
00:43:30.559 --> 00:43:36.159
precious life. And so what I'm
asking you readers and recuse listeners and viewers

576
00:43:36.440 --> 00:43:38.519
is to do more of your homework, to step up on a bigger on

577
00:43:38.559 --> 00:43:44.079
a bigger fashion. And how it
is that you consume and evaluate news,

578
00:43:44.159 --> 00:43:45.800
right, That's what we're doing here. So I really wanted to make sure

579
00:43:45.840 --> 00:43:52.159
we got that point across. I
think you're you know, you're encouraging listeners

580
00:43:52.159 --> 00:43:58.239
to do their homework about your own
background, and also to not just accept

581
00:43:59.039 --> 00:44:04.039
a face value what you hear,
but also examine the personality of the person

582
00:44:04.079 --> 00:44:08.360
who's who's giving the information, because
that's critically important. It is, it

583
00:44:08.440 --> 00:44:13.239
is, And as we get closer
to the end here of our time together,

584
00:44:13.880 --> 00:44:16.320
I want to say, which I
think is a perfect way to finish,

585
00:44:16.320 --> 00:44:19.719
and then I want you to close
with your own thoughts. But you

586
00:44:19.800 --> 00:44:23.280
say, ultimately one must choose tolerance
of diverse ideas rather than a narrow minded,

587
00:44:23.280 --> 00:44:28.239
dogmatic view. If one will open
his heart and become more vulnerable while

588
00:44:28.280 --> 00:44:31.599
acknowledging and resolving the hurts of his
life that have remained unhealed, the heart

589
00:44:31.639 --> 00:44:36.880
will soften and anger will dissipate.
The world will expand as one's range of

590
00:44:36.920 --> 00:44:42.360
friendships, resulting in a high spirited, happy life. We are a diverse

591
00:44:42.519 --> 00:44:46.599
nation. That's what we are.
We are a diverse nation, and diversity

592
00:44:46.679 --> 00:44:51.719
allows us to learn from people that
think differently than we do, have a

593
00:44:51.760 --> 00:44:54.320
different perspective than we do, they
have grown up in a different culture that

594
00:44:54.440 --> 00:45:00.800
were It makes the world exciting.
Rather than shutting down diversity, which we've

595
00:45:00.400 --> 00:45:05.519
we've seen when we close the door
and we have we have. The other

596
00:45:05.559 --> 00:45:09.599
side is the enemy. Open the
door, be exposed to different points of

597
00:45:09.679 --> 00:45:13.519
view. You don't have to take
them all in, but at least this

598
00:45:13.599 --> 00:45:17.039
is an opportunity to learn. We've
learned from people that have had different experiences

599
00:45:17.079 --> 00:45:22.199
than we've had. If you just
stay in your little group, you become

600
00:45:22.360 --> 00:45:30.039
very very narrow minded and small minded. M agreed. So you know how

601
00:45:30.119 --> 00:45:32.239
I do my show. I read
your book from cover to cover, I

602
00:45:32.719 --> 00:45:38.360
take voracious notes, and I really
create the conversation around what I think is

603
00:45:38.400 --> 00:45:42.920
important based on what I've already had
on the show and what I'm trying to

604
00:45:42.960 --> 00:45:45.559
put forth and curate into the world. So we have a few more minutes

605
00:45:45.599 --> 00:45:47.440
here, doctor see. So what
else would you like to make sure that

606
00:45:47.480 --> 00:45:55.159
our listeners understand learn here from you? I think probably one of the most

607
00:45:55.199 --> 00:46:00.880
important things is that we need every
single human being that lives in this country

608
00:46:00.960 --> 00:46:05.280
to make an effort. We need
to make an effort. We need to

609
00:46:05.320 --> 00:46:09.639
slow down, We need to listen
empathically, We need to expand our empathy

610
00:46:09.639 --> 00:46:14.880
and try to understand people that seem
different from us. You know, people

611
00:46:15.159 --> 00:46:21.039
make discriminatory remarks or make judgments just
on the way people look. Now we

612
00:46:21.119 --> 00:46:24.519
know that from credible studies as well. Open the door, don't assume that

613
00:46:24.599 --> 00:46:29.559
you know the other person, and
examine some of the biases that you've had

614
00:46:29.599 --> 00:46:35.199
toward yourself and in the world that
you heard early on in life as well.

615
00:46:35.840 --> 00:46:37.280
We have to do that, but
we have to do it now,

616
00:46:37.320 --> 00:46:43.039
and we have to demand more from
the people that lead our communities, our

617
00:46:43.079 --> 00:46:46.079
states, and our country. One
of the things I want to make sure

618
00:46:46.119 --> 00:46:51.360
that our listeners and viewers really get
from you that I would wager about that

619
00:46:51.400 --> 00:46:53.880
most people don't understand. And because
I think there's a lot of talk these

620
00:46:53.920 --> 00:46:59.480
days about emotional intelligence and empathy,
but what I don't think people really really

621
00:46:59.519 --> 00:47:05.159
understand is that empathy is a remarkable
tool, as you say, to slow

622
00:47:05.480 --> 00:47:08.440
down, which allows you then to
get a hold of those emotions and understand

623
00:47:08.480 --> 00:47:12.760
what they're trying to tell you before
you just simply react from them. So

624
00:47:12.880 --> 00:47:15.679
that whole notion of you just said
it to be able to slow down.

625
00:47:15.760 --> 00:47:20.920
Why is it that empathy allows us
to slow down? When we give and

626
00:47:21.039 --> 00:47:27.199
received empathy, we produce the hormone
oxytocin, which is the love hormorne,

627
00:47:27.239 --> 00:47:30.199
the connecting hormone. It makes people
feel safe, It makes people feel secure,

628
00:47:30.599 --> 00:47:36.760
it makes you feel closer to the
other individual. So it's actually we're

629
00:47:36.800 --> 00:47:40.119
creating a brank change. So when
you give and received empathy, why is

630
00:47:40.159 --> 00:47:46.000
it then those deliberate polling groups that
people change their minds because they were having

631
00:47:46.079 --> 00:47:52.360
empathic interchange with each other. They
started to feel rather than feel prejudiced toward

632
00:47:52.400 --> 00:47:55.519
the other person, they were feeling
safe with the other person. You can't

633
00:47:55.559 --> 00:48:00.039
do that if you don't slow down
and listen. The old adage of we

634
00:48:00.119 --> 00:48:04.559
get two years and one mouth God
gave us. You know that we should

635
00:48:04.639 --> 00:48:07.960
listen twice as much as we talk. Ask yourself, do you talk more

636
00:48:08.000 --> 00:48:12.400
in an interaction or do you listen
more? You listen more, you learn

637
00:48:12.440 --> 00:48:17.320
more, And and yes, and
there is a reason that I keep hosting

638
00:48:17.320 --> 00:48:21.400
this radio show as you as you
know, because I do learn so much

639
00:48:21.440 --> 00:48:24.039
from people who helped me expand my
thinking, my understanding of the world,

640
00:48:24.079 --> 00:48:29.400
my place in it, and it's
and sometimes I don't necessarily agree with what

641
00:48:29.440 --> 00:48:31.840
they have to say or their perspective, and so learning and hearing where it

642
00:48:31.880 --> 00:48:37.159
comes from helps me understand and expand
my person in the world. And that's

643
00:48:37.239 --> 00:48:38.519
what I want to do, and
I would help other us do the same.

644
00:48:38.639 --> 00:48:43.320
So I really appreciate you coming back
and joining us for a fourth time,

645
00:48:43.360 --> 00:48:45.639
doctor See. And it's just every
time I talk with you, I

646
00:48:45.639 --> 00:48:50.440
feel like the world somehow gets a
little bit bigger. So thank you for

647
00:48:50.519 --> 00:48:53.079
joining us. Well, thank you
very much. A Lisea. You know

648
00:48:53.159 --> 00:48:59.800
you are the host who really reads
a book. I have talked that frequently.

649
00:49:00.360 --> 00:49:01.840
I always look at your notes and
they feel like, oh my god.

650
00:49:01.960 --> 00:49:06.639
You know. I mean, you
do your homework because you are a

651
00:49:06.679 --> 00:49:09.280
curious person, and I think you're
a lifelong learner. So I appreciate that

652
00:49:09.440 --> 00:49:13.519
very much. I am, and
I thank you to get to learn from

653
00:49:13.519 --> 00:49:16.360
you listeners and viewers. If you
want to learn more about doctor Arthur Serry

654
00:49:16.400 --> 00:49:20.679
McCauley, his work or his books, maybe you could start just by going

655
00:49:20.719 --> 00:49:23.159
to Balance your Success dot com is
at the best place, doctor seed.

656
00:49:23.639 --> 00:49:29.760
Well, the new book is on
Amazon not probably the quickest way to read

657
00:49:29.760 --> 00:49:32.000
a summary of it or to obtain
it if you'd like to. Okay,

658
00:49:32.519 --> 00:49:36.719
and thanks again for our partnering sponsor
work Proud, which helps companies build a

659
00:49:36.719 --> 00:49:39.760
platform where your workforce receives meaningful feedback
and thanks for their work from people across

660
00:49:39.800 --> 00:49:43.719
your company. Last week you can
miss the live show, you can always

661
00:49:43.719 --> 00:49:46.440
catch be recorded podcast. We were
on the air with Joyce Tom of Energy

662
00:49:46.519 --> 00:49:50.960
at Work, talking about the work
sheet does helping leaders and organizations to build

663
00:49:51.000 --> 00:49:54.679
the resilience, agility, and energy
necessary to fuel ongoing business and personal growth.

664
00:49:55.440 --> 00:49:59.440
Next week, we'll be on the
air with Sean Harvey and chief Compassion

665
00:49:59.480 --> 00:50:04.360
Officer and Masculinity Guide at Simponia Men's
Study. We'll be talking about his work

666
00:50:04.360 --> 00:50:08.079
addressing the emerging narrative around the next
frontier of men's healing and transformation work,

667
00:50:08.360 --> 00:50:14.199
demystifying gender at work to navigate the
shifting gender rules and roles, and integrating

668
00:50:14.239 --> 00:50:17.559
compassion into masculine systems and cultures.
See you there, Remember that works at

669
00:50:17.639 --> 00:50:25.519
least a third of our lives.
So let's work on purpose. We hope

670
00:50:25.519 --> 00:50:30.079
you've enjoyed this week's program. Be
sure to tune in too. Working on

671
00:50:30.159 --> 00:50:35.760
Purpose featuring your host, doctor Elise
Cortez each week on the Voice America Empowerment

672
00:50:35.840 --> 00:50:42.679
Channel. Together, we'll create a
world where business operates conscientiously, Leadership inspires

673
00:50:42.719 --> 00:50:47.079
impassioned performance, and employees are fulfilled
in work that provides the meaning and purpose.

674
00:50:47.159 --> 00:51:00.119
They crave see you there. Let's
work on purpose. M.