Got Soul? Unlock the Power of Your Wise Self as a Leader

0:00 The topics and opinions express in the following show are solely those of the hosts and their guests, and not those of W FOURCY Radio. It's employees are affiliates. We make no recommendations or endorsements for radio show programs, services, or products mentioned on air or on our web. No liability explicitor implies shall be extended to W FOURCY Radio or its employees are affiliates. Any questions or comments should be directed to those show hosts. Thank you for choosing W FOURCY Radio. What's working on Purpose? Anyway? Each week we ponder the answer to this question. People ache for meaning and purpose at work, to contribute their talents passionately and know their lives really matter. They crave being part of an organization that inspires them and helps them grow into realizing their highest potential. Business can be such a force for good in the world, elevating humanity. In our program, we provide guidance and inspiration to help usher in this world we all want working on Purpose. Now here's your host, doctor Elise Cortes.

1:04 Welcome back to the Working and Purpose Program, which has been brought to you with passionate our pride since February of twenty fifteen. Thanks for tuning in again this week. Great to have you. I'm your host, doctor Elise Cortes. If we have not met before and you don't know me, I'm an organizational psychologist and local therapist, speaker and author. My team and I at Gusto Now help companies to enliven it and fortify their operations by building a dynamic, high performance culture and inspirational leadership activated by meaning and purpose. And did you know that inspired employees outperform their satisfied peers by a factor of two point twenty five to one, So, in other words, inspiration is good for the bottom line. You can learn more about us and how we can work together at Gusto dash now dot com and my personal site, Atliscortes dot com. Into today's program we have with us today Janetioli, who is an executive advisor, leadership coach, speaker and career strategist for women leaders at Power Presence Academy and the author of Less Ego, More Soul, which will be talking about today. She jos today from Newport Beach, California. Janet, Welcome to Working on Purpose.

2:00 Oh, thank you so much for having me. I so admire you and your show. So I'm excited to be here. Thank you, Janet. And I love your book. I absolutely love this less ego more so, please stat right, I mean I have course, as you know, I read my guest books cover to cover, and sometimes I embarrass myself in public when I'm reading it because I'm saying I'm like, yes, that's right, Yes, that's me. So that's what you've done for me as well, Janet. You've embarrassed me in public, and that's okay. That's always a good thing. If you're reading aloud and laughing or having that a moment, that's great. Right, you know. So I oftentimes I'm reading at the gym and people will come over and they're like, that must be a good book because you are into it as you're peddling over here. Yes, you should read it too. Well, let's start with you. One of the things that I really appreciate about you and your background, and having lived in Spain and Brazil myself in my twenties, is your own background. Growing up as a child in Athens, Greece.

2:51 You have a Greek mother and an American father. It's just pretty interesting the way that you were formed and raised. If you could just speak a little bit about your upbringing, how that's really punctuated the work that you do today. Yeah, I think it's funny how our origin stories form who we are, right I, Like you said, I grew up in Greece, and at the time, it's funny. My father was in the military and my mom is Greek, and I always felt like I was not normal. And what I mean by that is that so every time I was with people who were Greek or who are from my mom's side, they would consider me American. And every time I was with people who were American, they would consider me, oh, she's Greek. So it was the sense of not fitting in. Even though it was such an incredible experience having both worlds, at the time, I didn't really realize how powerful that is is to be able to be exposed to these two different worlds and try to navigate them. And so through the process of navigating those two worlds, I think I developed a keen sense of observation and listening and watching. It's like, Okay, what are they doing and what are they doing? And then I realized, wait a minute, there's not one way to do anything in the world. And that really shaped me, I think, and it shaped my work today and it shapes who I am. Is that I'm very curious because I think the we get conditioned to think that there's only one way to do something, where there's only one

4:22 way to be or whatever it is we're learning, and yet in fact, that's that's our own story, that we're being created by how we're brought up. It's so beautiful. And I think too, you know, you had you know, you suffered from I forget exactly what it was. Something to do with your eye. Oh, oh, that's a whole other yeah, so let me that story. So this even you know, I didn't want to tell you my whole life story, but this, this really really impacted me. Is that, you know, growing up in Greece, it was really interesting because my father's American and he's from the South and from Tennessee. So I had very light skin, very you know, I have green eyes, blonde hair, and it has a little help now, but it was always kind of blonde at the time. And I would walk around and people would notice me and they would say, oh, what a cute little girl, and oh, how cute, and oh, my gosh, what an adorable little girl, and they'd pinch your cheek and all of that stuff.

5:21 And then in the second grade, I developed what is known as and it's pretty common, I'm sure many of you listening have heard of. This is what's called a lazy eye, where one of my eyes started to cross and it would go all the way in and so to me, I couldn't tell that that was happening unless I looked in the mirror. It didn't affect my eyesight, but oh my goodness, did that impact my whole world. I went from being seen as this, oh cute little girl to this person who was a freak, who was you know, I would get taunts from kids saying, you know, she's this cross eyed lion. They would push me, people at school wouldn't play with me anymore. I mean, it was true. It was incredibly traumatic, and for anybody who has been different or had any side of difference, I'm sure can resonate. I mean, I don't even know you know how what an impact something like that can have on you. And I remember crying every single day wishing I could be normal, If I could be normal and lo and bold, the wonders of surgery. Right, I had eye surgery in third grade and they fixed the eye, and there I was back to normal, normal, And there I was again, you know, this cute little girl that everybody wanted to play with. But what had happened is something inside of me had really changed, yep. And what it changed was the you know I was. I was just different because I realized I had not changed, nothing

6:55 inside of me had changed. It was the eye. And I started to realize that we placed way too much value on the outside. And I think that really started my journey inward and my focus on the inner part of ourselves versus the outer part of ourselves, because any different. That's totally what I got from that, and that's why I wanted you to share that story. And here we are, you and I both you know you mentioned in your book, and I completely agree that many people are very accustomed to living what you call living, being on the surface rather than going deep. And I have seen that as well, and for most much of my life, I was always you know, if you're not going to share your soul with me, don't waste my time, which caused a lot of people to flee, as you can imagine, but That's where I wanted to be be.

7:44 Because it's scary, right, That's a scary place to be is on the inside, because when we go inside, we have to face some of the things that we don't like to face. And I think that's really the impetus that had me write the book, is, you know, some of my own experiences not facing the parts of me that had become something that I had not created or that weren't even part of me. And you know, at recalling some of these things and going inward really made me get more tuned to who I was and who I am. Yes, and so so much of the reason I wanted to have you on my podcast, Janet is I as both you and I work with leaders and are out to develop and transform leaders. So to be able to really get in touch with that inner wise person that you talk about in your book requires to be able to go in And yet both you and I know when you wrote about this Beautiful in your book, that we are governed a lot by the society we live in.

8:38 We are very much thrown to following the rules of that culture and what are all those shoulds that we're supposed to be and that we overlook the beautiful person inside of us, that screaming for our attention. Yeah, and to be expressed authentically, you know. And this is I think it's the journey of unraveling that right, and that's part of that inner work that I see so often. You know, it's funny when you talk about leadership, and I'm sure you see this in your work. You know, we get to a certain point that what worked for us in the past doesn't work for us anymore. And at that point we have to come to terms with, Okay, what is it that we've been doing. And most of the time, what I find is that we've been reacting. We've been you know, we've been conditioned to try to please prove protect ourselves right for safety and security, and also to achieve more. And then there's a point where I hear and you probably see this in your work as well. I hear stories.

9:38 I'll be talking to leaders in organizations who have reached the pinnacle of success and they'll say, you know, I'm not fulfilled. I feel like I'm putting on an act, like I'm wearing a mask, or you know, this isn't me. I don't know who I am, or you hear all of these types of stories, and I think that is an indicative of not only how our conditioned, but also how we choose to live a little bit unconsciously because we're not even aware of it. We just go through the motions, we go through the releves, you know, a bad way right right right. And so what I would say to that, that's just been so great along my own journey, Janitive. You know, cultivating myself is recognizing the power of really cultivate, paying attention to owning, stewarding, and being in your emotions to be able to really understand how you really feel. So what I discovered from myself is and at least just say this, about twelve years ago, I really stepped well on this path of when I recognized I'm going to go straight down this, you know, this path of researching meaning and work and identity which led me to purpose, et cetera. And the moment I did that, Janet, the moment what I like to say that quite whispered that you talk about in your book. I heard it, except it was a scream and it was like, oh this way, and I always like to I always like to talk about it. It was like closing my eyes and being so still that I could hear where was I supposed to put my next foot on the lily pad? And I put on that next lily pad. That's what I

11:12 knew I was on the right path. And so what I've come to is, you know, the more that we can pay attention to these beautiful lifting emotions and we know we're on the right path. If there if our next decision or whatever is taking us down and making us feel bad, it's probably not right for us. But here's the trick, and I know you know this. We have to learn how to tap into that wisdom within ourselves to be able to know that we actually feel that way. First exactly, And here's what my reaction to when you were talking. The first thing I would say is when you said you had this be still, how many of us can be still? How many of us want to be still? How many of us know how to be still? I mean, that's the other piece of it. It's interesting. I remember when I first took yoga years ago, and I went to a yoga class and I was like, oh my gosh, I can't just sit here. That's pretty embarrassing to admit, But I hear that all the time from so many of my clients. It's like, Oh, I can't I can't sit still. I have to I have to be doing something, and we just I think we're so used to doing that it's hard for us to be aware of who we're being. And I know that sounds a little woo on some level, but it really is profound if in fact, we are looking for meaning and purpose in our work at home, in our lives.

12:30 I mean, it's learning to be still and really going inward and finding that place inside of ourselves that already has the answers we're looking for. If we just pause to listen, and like you said, you know, the whispers become shouts, and sometimes they're shouting, and we just drounded out. There are things we drowned out with rights. It's either more achievements, status, buying material things. That's a way that we drowned out. Another way we drown it as alcohol, I mean food. We can go on and on and on. I don't have to tell you that, but that is the I think. If there's something that I wanted to communicate, is learning how to do this.

13:10 Yeah, another way of saying drowning out is numbing, right, We numb ourselves and that's why the opportunity is to wake up, you know, awaken again. And when I'm out speaking to audiences, and usually by about nine minutes in, I will then usually ask the question to the audience, what are you passionate about? And as soon as I pose that question, I then immediately dial into the audience even further. And I realized that about eighty five to ninety percent of them realize in that one moment they do not have an answer. To the question. Oh absolutely right. And it's because and hey, I'm not judging anything because I've been on that same train, but they've lost touch with you know, what is it that they're passionate about, So they don't really know what is it that really turns them on that they were going to give themselves over to. And I've had people hire me to speak at conferences because they said, at least I was a person in the crowd that didn't have the answer, and I wants you to give that same message to these people that I know am helping to steward. So that that's the hamster will you were talking about, right, if you're if you're so busy on the hamster will you can't necessarily know what you're passionate about.

14:12 And not only what are you passionate about, but who you are? Right and seriously, I mean, oftentimes I'll ask someone, so, who are you? And what's what's important to you? Or what do you believe in? And there's a blank look. It's like, you know, I really don't know the answer to that question because I haven't had a chance. And how can you really find your meaning and purpose and your passion in the world if you haven't done the inner work to sit there and think about who you are, what's important do you believe in? And what are you? I mean, I always say you know, and that's why, you know, I ask people to create a personal manifesto, saying, you know, who are you? What do you believe in? And what are you committed to? What others have told you that you're committed to you or have told you to believe in? But what do you believe in? And that those are hard, hard questions? They sound so so simple.

15:07 Yeah, you know, when I meet people for the first time and living here in Dallas and there's a there's a significant person population that I learned a long time ago that don't necessarily work outside the home. So I never I stopped saying what do you do? A long long time ago, partly for that reason. So when I meet new people, what I generally will say, Hi, what's your name? What do you pour yourself into? And they will almost always ask me what do you mean? Like that? What do I do? Yeah? What do you do? They mean? Do you mean what I do for work? Or what I'm like? Whatever significant to you? What do you pour yourself into? That lights you up? That will tell me a lot about that person. That's a fun conversation. And there's the passion, right, there's the passion when what do you pour yourself? You know, I heard somebody once say, at least they said, what can you not help yourself from doing? Yes?

15:54 Yes, I also asked that question, what can you not not do? Yes? Like, even if it's organized or putting, you know, giving people directions or whatever it is, if you can help yourself, I'm doing that. That's something obviously that would you'd be passionate about. And here's what's great, And then I want to take us to break. What's great about that is when you get people talking about that what immediately happens, and you know this, Janet is you see that person's energy immediately rise and now they're possibly infecting whoever it is is in the vicinity, and that's what we want. Absolutely. Let's grab our first break. I'm your host, Doctor Lee's Cortez, who on the ear of Janet Ioli, who is an executive advisor, leadership coach, speaker, and career strategists for women leaders at Power Presence Academy. We've been talking a bit about her work and her book Less Ego More Soul.

16:41 After the break, what we want to do is really situate with you the power and importance and role of what she calls thunderbolts in life. We'll be right back. Doctor Elise Cortes is a management consultant specializing in meaning and purpose. An inspirational speaker and author. She helps companies visioneer for greater purpose among stakeholders and develop purpose inspired leadership and meaning infused cultures that elevate fulfillment, performance, and commitment within the workforce. To learn more or to invite Elise to speak to your organization, please visit her at Elisecortes dot com. Let's talk about how to get your employees working on purpose. This is working on Purpose with doctor Elise Cortes. To reach our program today or to open a conversation with Elise, send an email to Elise alisee at Elisecortes dot com. Now back to working on Purpose.

17:57 Thanks for stating with us, and welcome back to working on Purpose. I'm your host, doctor Release Cortes, as I'm dedicated to helping create a world where people realize their potential at work, are led by inspirational leaders that help them find and contribute their greatness, and we do business that better is the world. I continue to research and write my own books, so my last one came out in March of twenty twenty three. It's called The Great Revitalization. How activating meaning and purpose can radically in live in your business. And I wrote her to help leaders understand the needs and wants of today's very discerning workforce, and then I offer twenty two best practices to help you equip your organization, your culture to create that for them. You can find my books on Amazon or my websites at Leastcortes dot com, orgustodeshnaw dot com. If you are just now joining us, my guest is janet Ioli. She's the author of Less Ego, More Soul. So thunderbolts was really an interesting idea for me, and of course I could relate to that. And as I was reading that part of your book, I'm like, oh, yeah, I got a couple of those that I can remember. So let's talk about first, how do you define thunderbolts? What are they?

18:56 Yeah, so let me let me start with what causes the thunderbolt? Find out? So as we go along, I think I think as I was working with many clients, they would talk to me about wanting to change. I want to change something. I'm not really fulfilled, but I don't know exactly what that is, and kind of like what you were saying, it's not so much even the passion. It was like, I don't really know why I'm not fulfilled. And yet they were going along on their path of continuing, you know, climbing the career ladder or doing all the things that they were doing at home, at work, whatever, but not really going inside and thinking about it. And then something would happen in their life. And what I call a thunderbolt is when something hits you that's unexpected and it just knocks you out. For example, I mean, and you know I have an I'll share a couple of mine as well, and I know you have them as well. It could be a divorce, it could be an illness, it could be a death of a family member, it could be the loss of a job. I mean, and go on and on, something that just blindsides you and you're not expecting it, and it knocks you off that little path that you've been on. And then what it does, it's so severe, and that's why it's a thunderbolt.

20:17 It brings you to your knees. I mean, you're at your knees at mercy saying, oh my gosh, now what everything that I believe to be true is no longer true. I know that happened with me when my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer at a He was fifty nine years old and I was in my thirties at the time, and he was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer, never been sick a day in his life, and that was I'm sure it's a thunderbolt for him, but it was a thunderbolt for me because it started to make me think about WHOA life is short if he can be diagnosed.

20:58 I mean, he just was retiring. He was retiring early so that he could do all the things he wanted to do in his life and hold on. Now he's diagnosed with terminal lung cancer and he's supposed to die in six months. WHOA. So that just cracked open something for me, and in this way that I can't even describe. It was electric. And that's where the thunderbolt comes in. And the open was, Wow, this is not this is not a continuous journey. There's an end somewhere and we don't know where that is. And you know, I was I had remembered my conversations with him saying, you know how much he wanted to be an attorney, and how he was he always wanted to be a lawyer, and that, oh, you know, he could even go back to school at fifty nine, blah blah blah. And there it was. So it just opened up this portal for me of Wow, why am I here?

21:53 Who am I and what am I doing? And what do I want to do with the rest of my life? And I don't think that's a very uncommon expertience. I've heard that people share these things with me about their having to divorce about and I know you and I were talking about that during before we started, right, I mean, I would assume that anyone who's gone through anything like that can resonate with what a thunderbolt is. Yeah, And what I think is important about this, why I think are I think both of us really you know, so revel in our work is what do you do with these thunderbolts? You know, there's there's how do you respond to these things? Do you just cower over and go to the fetal position? That's great for a while, but you know, how do we respond? And and I know what I really discovered. I mean, this is careful what you ask for in life, Janet. You know, when I was in my forties, I used to used to say, you know, I probably won't them out to very much in life because I really haven't been through very much.

22:46 You know, life hasn't catalyzed me into much. You know, I've got a nice life. I'm good. I like the work that I'm doing. But you know, hey, but I first, the two thunderbolts that really hope a lot were when I when I was when I got divorced, wasn't my idea, but it was a really good idea, but it hurt like a son of a gun and it came, you know, for me. I shouldn't have been blindsided, but I was. And it really really caused me to or allowed me, because of the catalyzing force of it, to really go deep into my soul and you know, excavate its contents and go looking in there around the murky corners to see what was there. And I found some pretty you know, scary stuff in there, and you know, as I was digging around. And but I'll tell you that that deep search for you know, understanding and you know, all of the working through all of the really intense emotions. There's no way, Jennett, that I would be living my purpose today if I had not gone through that process. No way.

23:44 Now I am not saying that I'm going to go write my excessman, you know, a thank you note here, But I will recognize that. And that's what I want to reinforce for our listeners and viewers is what are you getting from your thunderbolts? And maybe you need help, you know, moving through through those thunderbolts to be able to see what's the beauty and the growth and how you have emerged on the other side of coming through that. And what when I say in my book is that it's sad that we wait for thunderbolts to happen. It will changes we need to make. Yes, we know. I think there's a there's a whisper, and then sometimes it's a shout inside of us when something isn't quite right.

24:26 If we take the time to listen that Okay, I'm not really resonating with what I'm doing, or there's something not right in whatever it is right, whether it's my health, I mean something. We get little messages and we don't pay attention to them because we're so busy. We're so drowned in this go go go. And that's why I talk about the importance of having some type of a ritual where you're checking in with that inner part of yourself. It's interesting I had a guest on my podcast, two guests on my podcast in the last season, and they were psychologists, and they said both of them said the same thing, and then I did a fact check to say, is that true? Really, ninety five percent of what we do is unconscious.

25:10 Yeah, I've heard that step before as well. And ninety five percent I mean, that is staggering to me. And so if in fact that it's true, then there's so much that's going on that we're not even paying attention to. Yeah. Absolutely, So part of. It is learning to pay attention stop going through the motions, which is really most of our life, ninety five percent of our life is going through the motions, and so stop going through the motions and start bringing more of that unconscious into our conscious awareness and become more conscious about it. Yes, I think that is the beauty of thunderbolts because it forces us to do that, because it opens up this portal that you know, it's pain, a pain portal that causes us to surrender that to that unconscious.

26:02 But what we can also do that without waiting for a thunderbolt and right to be at their mercy. And I think that's really a key point here. It is. And you know, the other major thunderbolt that happened for me at least so far as both of my parents passed twenty eight days apart in January of twenty nineteen, and that just really that I wasn't expecting it. My mother was always she was seventy three years old. She was so smart and so strong, and she just had given up the world to live, and as a logo therapist, I understand that that's what happens. But my dad largely followed her out with a broken heart twenty eight days later. And so suddenly I'm the top of the mountain. I'm the oldest child, and I'm like, okay, And this whole idea of I'll get to it someday, suddenly that was gone. There's no perhaps not someday, And it gave me a fire, Janet, and that is really where that was. Twenty nineteen, I got my first book out and the next year of twenty twenty, and then I resolved I would write one book a year for ten years, and so far I'm on track to do that.

27:04 But part of that came from the recognition the thunderbolt of you know what I don't have? You know, maybe when I get to it kind of thing. And Dan Pink his book on Win also taught me a lot about time and how halftime can be a really catalyzing force for a lot of people, and listeners and viewers want you to think about that if you think you're halftime. When I got into my fifties, I went man, I'm at halftime and I feel like I'm behind, and that motivation is strong when you start to get a recognition. So what I love about we're talking about here, Jennet, is we're talking about how can we access and put in motion these catalyzing forces to evolve and transform and become more of who we really are without the need of thunderbolts or some of these other major life impacts.

27:51 Yeah, and it's interesting the stories that we tell ourselves to avoid it, because I do think we avoid this. I think we avoid going in because it's hard. It's hard to sit there and figure out, Okay, what do I do with the rest of my life? Or am I happy? Am I fulfilled? Is my? Does my life have meaning? And going back to your thing, you know, is does it have purpose? And passion? I mean all of those, all of those questions we avoid because we just keep going and going and going. And I think what you just said was so powerful is that a lot of those things are excuses because if we have to wait for the thunderbolt, that thunderbolt may come pretty later on in that halftime, it may come in the fourth quarter, right, and so wherever that is that we shouldn't be waiting for that. We should be taking those steps right now to start to think about okay, am I am I living in alignment with who I'm who I want to become.

28:52 Mm hmmm. Which is I think why both you and I love the work that we do is helping people to be able to do just that. It's, you know, in many ways, this is what I think is so amazing, right is I know in my own path one path to purpose is what's ailed you in your life that in the wrestling of that, that you've learned something that you can help others with in the same fashion. And maybe some of that was also your path, but that was mine, and that's you know, wrestling with meaning and purpose in my mid twenties, et cetera, and now today, helping more people to be able to discover that unique authentic path to themselves, to their soul so they can live from that place is really a lot of the work that I do too. I do it as for individuals in leaders and organizations as well as for the organization itself. What's the soul of the organization, what's the purpose of the organization? And it's such beautiful work to be able to watch someone's molecules change right in front of your eyes as they discover this for themselves.

29:45 Yeah, so I amen, I so agree with that. And when we talk about the word soul, I think sometimes people get scared off by that or it's like, okay, is that a religious thing or what exactly are we talking about? So when I talk about the word soul, I'm talking about a deep place inside of ourselves that is that it's universal, it's connected to everything else. And we know that energy is connected, that we're all energy, and there is a place where we have connection with everybody else. And often we don't connect with people in that place. We connect with them on the surface or from a place of fear, from a place of survival.

30:31 The things we talked about before is you know, how do I protect myself? How do I please? We're not connecting on this pure level that really brings us meaning. And what we start to see is that because we crave that. Look at what happens in workplaces when we connect when we don't connect with that, Look at what happens in society. I mean, look at what's happening right now in our society. So I think when we're talking about soul. We're not talking about some ethereal thing. We're just talking about this human experience that we all have that is deep inside of us that we can connect to. Mm hm. I yes, I completely agree with that. And therefore, you know, it's something that is for everyone, isn't just something that maybe you want to opt into. But for me jended, I mean, I'm very, very interested in this field.

31:20 I had Richard Barrett on my podcast a few weeks ago, and the man is all about soul. You know. He has a book that's called What My Soul Told Me, and he what he really puts forth is we don't have a soul. We are a soul, exactly right. And so I think again, you know, if you look at today, the Surgeon General has put out that loneliness is an epidemic and it's causing it's wreaking all kinds of havoc in our society. And loneliness is so bad for our health that it's the equivalent of smoking fifteen cigarettes a day. So if we can this is why I think your work is important, why my work is important. We're helping people to more meaningfully connect with themselves and each other. Now we start to eradicate this loneliness problem, right, and think.

32:02 About when you say loneliness. It's interesting one of the people hate this question, by the way, but on the Gallop Survey employee engagement surveys at work, one of the questions is, you know, do you have a best friend at work? Now, they're not asking you whether you have friends at work. They're asking you whether you feel connected at work. That's really what they're asking you when they ask you that question, because people hate that question. But really what we're talking about is that loneliness. Do you have a connection at work? At work? And so this is not a topic just you know, for outside of work. It's a topic that really impacts our work lives and also leadership. So, I mean, I think that's such an important point you make.

32:47 Well, we are kindred souls, my friend. And on that note, let's grab our last break and letters, listeners and viewers kind of just do one what we've been sharing so far. I'm your host, doctor Elice Cortes. We've been on air with Jenetioli, who is an executive advisor, leadership coach, speaker, and career strategic strategist for women leaders at Power Presence Academy. We've been having a very delicious conversation about thunderbolts and other things that awaken us in life. We'll be right back. Doctor Elise Cortez is a management consultant specializing in meaning and purpose. An inspirational speaker and author. She helps companies visioneer for greater purpose among stakeholders and develop purpose inspired leadership and meaning infused cultures that elevate fulfillment, performance, and commitment within the workforce. To learn more or to invite a lease to speak to your organization, please visit her at elisecortes dot com. Let's talk about how to get your employees working on purpose. This is working on Purpose is with doctor Elise Cortes. To reach our program today or to open a conversation with Elise, send an email to Elise ali Se at elisecortes dot com. Now back to working on Purpose.

34:18 Thanks for staying with us, and welcome back to Working on Purpose. I'm your host, Doctor release Cortes. I mentioned in the last break that my latest book came out, The Great Revitalization. What I did for you is I created a very simple three page assessment you can pull off my website gustodesh now dot com, and that will help you understand the extent to which your organization's culture is really living in the principles that are what today's discerning workforce really wants. It will help you really guide what you need to do next. If you are just joining me. My guest is Janet Ioli. She's the author of Less Ego, More Soul. So I wanted to talk a little bit about some of the gifts of thunderbolts, you know, what they give us. I think we've been sort of talking a little bit about that in each of our stories. But I think it's helpful because I know, you know, there's also the segment of society where that you know, like how can this had to happen to me?

35:07 And gosh, you know, we can fall into a sort of a victim mode instead of really embracing our agency and our you know, as of course, you know Victor Frankel taught us as we have a choice between stimulus and response, and that is our attitude. So can you talk a little bit of Janet, from your perspective and experience about some of the gifts of thunderbolts. Well, at the moment, they don't feel in gifts, that's for sure, right, exactly, and it is why is this happening to me? I think it's only in hindsight that we can look back and say, wow, like you said about your divorce, I'm sure that in that moment, that did not feel like a gift to you, No, and tore your whole world apart, I'm sure it did. Yeah, right, And so anytime we've experienced anything like that, it doesn't feel like a gift. I'll tell you, my I'll give you an example of this one, and it's a it's a it's a very personal example. But I have a stepdaughter who is twenty four years old and we've no I've known her since she was five, right, And when she was twenty her in her second year of college, she developed thyroid cancer and you had to have her thyroid removed. And she also, boy, I'm tearing up as I talk about this, but she also had you know, to take out lymph nodes. It was it was pretty progressed.

36:33 We never had really noticed that there was this big lump on her throat. It's just it was amazing. And so anyway, so she you know, is in remission when you know everything is fine now. But she said, she said, you know, at getting that at an early late age, and she's she's studied to become a therapist and she's in her first job now at her age, being a therapist because she wanted to help people. But she said, getting that at her age, she said, was a blessing and a gift, but hard to believe, right, And she said the reason that was a blessing in a gift is because she lives her life in a different way than her peers, because she realizes the the delicacy and the frigility of it, but also realizes that, you know, life just goes by and you either have something to offer or something to do in this life or not.

37:37 And so she just has this sense of urgency at least that I've never seen. And she'll talk about it as that was a gift. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have seen things the way I see them. And she is so mature, I mean compared to what she was before. You know, she a typical person growing up, right, I can't believe I feel like I'm living with a wise woman right when I see her. And so what I think that is one of the gifts is that it really wisened her. And I think that can happen to all of us, is that we've become wiser. We learn so much from a thunderbolt. I know from my thunderbolt, I learned that the same kind of the same thing you know with my father is the urgency, the sense of urgency. Kind of what you were saying is that my gosh, I don't have this unlimited time, and so what am I going to do? As you know, Mary Oliver says, with this one precious life I have, you know, and not only what am I going to do, but who am I going to be and how am I going to serve? So it really helps in that way.

38:41 And you know, we're not trying to be morbid here. I think you know, we're not saying, oh, you know, all these bad things can happen, but when these things happen to us. I'll give you another example. I have a my best friend from high school. Her daughter would have been the same age as my stepdaughter now, and she died when she was ten and a half. And she just died on the playground. She had a heart attack on the playground at age ten. Ten ten, she should have a pacemaker from birth right, but she was fine, Like it was not at all expected. It was the doctors had given her a clean bill of health and she died. And that was talking about a thunderbolt. I mean that was like twenty thousand thunderbolts coming all at once, you know, to her and to her husband, who they sent her to school in the morning, and then that evening, you know, she was in the hospital in the emergency room on life support. So when we look at that, you know, she it took her I mean obviously grief and all of these things. But what she did is she said, hey, you know what I've learned from this experience, and this is years later it took her a while, is that you know, we have a gift of parenting.

39:58 We're really good parents parents. And so she started to foster kids, and you know, she adopted kids, and she's been like this beacon of role model parent all of these things because she said, the gift that was given to me was to continue to do this, whether it was with my biological child or with other kill that I have this gift of love to gift to children. And it's just amazing now to see now her kids now are in their teens, and it's just amazing to see what she did with that thunderbolt as she found a purpose. It's kind of what you were saying. She found meaning in that terrible tragedy and these kids benefited from that.

40:42 Right, they sure did. Yeah, that's such a beautiful story. You do talk about that your friend in your book, of course, and I did want to further this is I want to read a little something from your book that I think is really beautiful, Jenman, to ask you to kind of comment on it. Yeah, excuse me. I like that you talk about this idea of you know, this query process that you talk about is really about trying to become your whole version of yourself, you know, becoming whole, And you say by that, I mean awakening to the magnificence of your own existence, coming to terms with and embracing your individual journey and the legacy you have inherited from your unique upbringing and experiences. Realizing that despite your uniqueness, you are not separate, Understanding how you and other human beings are more the same than different, Integrating the inner wisdom that connects you to everything, and creating the self that you are called to be to allow you to contribute and serve fully. That is so beautiful.

41:37 I think I think most people listening to this or watching this are probably leaning and saying, yes, I want that for myself. Yeah, yeah, I mean, I think we're going back full circle to the time when you know, I was a kid with the with the lazy eye, right, and feeling so different and so alienated and realizing that wait a minute, we're all the same. We all feel that pain. I mean, how many of us have ever been made fun of or have had experiences where we just didn't fit in? And what is the pain that's associated that we all feel that? And I think what we do is we we allow shame or we allow fear to cloud that connection that we have with others, because really, on some level, it was fear because I look different. Because I look different, people started to become afraid of me. They would say, you're a freak, You're not like me, You're not normal.

42:34 And so you know what I challenge in my book and in my work with people is you know what is normal? You know there's there's beauty in each one of us, and so how do you come to terms with that magnificence of yourself and realize that there are shadow parts. We all have the good, the potential for good evil, come to terms with all of that and realize that's all part of the human experience. But everyone else is just as magnificent as you are. And how do you connect with people on that level? It with curiosity, with openness, with admiration, with just respect. I mean, I think that's that's another piece that's missing in our world today, is just respect, respect your uniqueness that you bring forward, and that doesn't diminish mine. So it's not a competition.

43:25 I mean, just like we're having this podcast right now, you know we I mean I can feel the light shining as we're talking because you're in your magnificence. I'm bringing some magnificence forward and we're bringing that together into one light and it's shining together. So it's not you know, your title or my title, it's we're on the same journey. We're on the same mission. Mm hmm, makes sense. But it's oh, sister, I completely got with you turned down, I'm picking up what you're laying down. I got you, And I think our listeners and viewers do too, So I want to give a challenge to our listener, listeners and viewers. You are someone in an organization, Let's say, I don't care if you're a leader, individual contributor, if you're the boss, or whatever, but you have the ability to really ripple a positive effect into your organization. And if you are in charge of a division or an organization, you your own individual growth is where the company can grow too. So if you're not continuing to grow as a leader, your organization is going to stay just right where you're at as well. So imagine what could happen in your organization if you went and did what Jen and I are talking about here, where you went out to go help your team to find their own magnificence, to go and see what is it that makes them special and really be deliciously intentional about celebrating that bringing that up. What would happen in your organization if you started doing this kind of work first on yourself and then you unleashed it in your organization. Oh my gosh, tell us what would happen? Wouldn't that be fun? Jenna?

44:57 We would love to get that challenge from your life. Many times do you hear at least. I hear this as a as a coach, I hear this all the time. It's like, I want to bring my whole self. Yeah, I want to bring my whole self. And that's what we're talking about, is is starting to look at people's whole selves or how many times are there people in your organization that are that and when that could be you? Because I know I've been there where you feel like you're only contributing five percent of your what you could contribute. Totally have felt that way. Yes, so much potential because people aren't seeing you, they're not seeing that potential. They have you in this little job description, in this little box and it's like, Okay, well you do this and you're this or you're this is what you contribute. And then people say, well, you know my talents aren't quote being utilized. Well, what if we could see people in the way that so much, that they're so much bigger and that they have so many other talents. But we don't. I don't think we're wired or we feel like we don't have the time to see people that way. And I think part of seeing yourself and learning to go in side of yourself also helps you see the bigness of others. Yes, so much bigger than what we bring forward.

46:10 I love that, Janet. Yes, what if we went looking ladies and gens for the bigness and everyone on our team, and then we got out of the way and unleashed all of that beautiful passion and drive and their desire to contribute, what would happen. That's the kind of organizations that I'm out to create. I call them destination workplaces, I think, right, And so why am I an organizational psychologist, Janet? I'm not a clinical psychologist because I believe in the wonder and power of work as a way of being in the world as serving and it is helping us to realize our potential. Yeah, so right, And so I just am wanting our listeners and viewers to really recognize how much they can contribute to one this loneliness problem that we're all dealing with too, helping people to realize their own magnificence right in their own companies and their own organizations. And then three, really being clear about what happens if you, the leader, really started doing some of this work on yourself, where you're giving yourself as time to be reflective daily weekly to be able to listen for that whisper, and you started to recognize what is the right next place for you to put your foot on the lily pad, if you will. That's the kind of stuff that I really feel like, Jennet, if we can start just to you know, two percent, three percent, that ripple effect is huge.

47:28 Drip drip drip, Yes, absolutely, And I think sometimes these things seem so ma, you know, magnificent or big, and so we're like, oh, you know, what's the impact I'm going to have. What's the impact on I'm going to have? And I always question people. I know I've had teachers have such an dramatic impact on me, or they changed the course of my life, or one conversation with someone had a huge impact on my life. So I think it's these moments, these moments where we're you know, every single moment we're having an impact on someone and you never know what impact you're having if you're not more conscious of those moments. And so the challenge I would give to people is really start to be more conscious about your every interaction you have with people and who are you being in that moment. So that's a thing that I always challenge myself is who am I being right now as I'm having this conversation with someone.

48:24 That is a beautiful way for us to finish the show. Janet, you are a beautiful soul. I'm so happy to call you a sister and a friend, a comrade in I don't want to say arms because that's got a negative connotation, but a comrade and the work that we're doing. Thank you for coming on, thank you for writing your books, doing the work that you're doing, and being on working on purpose. Oh, thank you. It's been my pleasure and I'm honored to be on your show. Thank you. Thank you, Janet. Listeners of viewers, you are going to want to follow this woman to learn more about her work and her books. The best way to do that is her website. It's Janet Aioli dot com. Let me spell that for you, Janet J. A. N. E Ioli Ioli Janetioli dot com. Last week, if you missed The Life Show, you can always catch it via recorded podcast.

49:08 We were on air with Chavon McHale talking about her work and helping people lead change in her book The Hive Mind at Work. Next week we'll be on with doctor Jordan Grummitt talking about his book The Purpose Code, How to Unlock meaning, maximize happiness, and leave a lasting legacy. He teaches us that we can all access purpose and it doesn't have to be on a grand scale to be meaningful and fulfilling. See you there, and remember that work is one of the best adventures and means of realizing our potential and making the impact we crave. So let's work on Purpose. We hope you've enjoyed this week's program. Be sure to tune into Working on Purpose featuring your host, doctor Elise Cortes, each week on W four C. Why Together We'll create a world where business operates conscientiously, leadership inspires and passion performance and employees are fulfilled in work that provides the meaning and purpose they crave. See you there, Let's work on per This