The Heart of High Performance: The Transformative Power of Appreciation

0:00 The topics and opinions express in the following show are solely those of the hosts and their guests, and not those of W FOURCY Radio. It's employees are affiliates. We make no recommendations or endorsements for radio show programs, services, or products mentioned on air or on our web. No liability explicitor implies shall be extended to W FOURCY Radio or its employees are affiliates. Any questions or comments should be directed to those show hosts. Thank you for choosing W FOURCY Radio. What's working on Purpose? Anyway? Each week we ponder the answer to this question. People ache for meaning and purpose at work, to contribute their talents passionately and know their lives really matter. They crave being part of an organization that inspires them and helps them grow into realizing their highest potential. Business can be such a force for good in the world, elevating humanity. In our program, we provide guidance and inspiration to help usher in this world we all want working on Purpose. Now here's your host, doctor Elise Cortes.

1:05 Welcome back to the Working Purpose Program, which has been brought to you with Passionate Prize since February twenty fifteen. Thanks for tuning again this week. Great to have you. I'm your host, Doctor release Cortes. If we've not met before and you don't know me, I'm a workforce advisor, organizational psychologist, management consultant, logo therapist, speaker and author. I am constantly researching and helping my clients elevate their game and their culture. My team and I a gusta Now help companies to enliven and fortify their operations by building dynamic, high performance cultures, inspirational leadership and nurturing managers activity by meaning and purpose. And did you know that inspired employees and purpose led companies outperform their satisfied peers by factor of two point twenty five to one. In other words, inspiration and purpose are good for the bottom line. You can learn more AboutUs and know we can work together at gustodeshnow dot com and my personal site at Lascortes dot com. If you're getting in today's program, we are joined today by doctor Paul White, who is a psychologist, author and speaker who makes work relationships work. As a speaker and trainer, Doctor White has taught around the world, including North America, Europe, South America, Asia, and the Caribbean.

2:08 He's the co author of the best selling book The Five Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace, Empowering organizations by Encouraging People. With co author doctor Gary Chapman, we'll be talking today about the ROI of appreciation in the workplace, how it differs from recognition, and examples of the Five Languages of Appreciation. You joined today from Wichita, Kansas. A hearty welcome, doctor White to Working on Purpose. Thanks glad to be with you. Isn't it great? I'm so happy to have you, and I want to celebrate this beautiful thing you put into the world. Gorgeous. Thank you. Absolutely enjoy it. I appreciate align with it, which is why I reached out to you on LinkedIn and said, please come on Working in Purpose and talk about this with me. Yeah, glad to do that.

2:48 And we're pleased that the book has done well over time. That recently went over eight hundred thousand copies. So we're hope on our way to a million. But that's all right whatever. So listeners and viewers, for a little context, The average book doesn't sell more than three thousand copies. Just a little context for you. So this really is something to celebrate. Okay, So let's just start doctor Paul with a bit of your background and what drew you to researching the appreciation space and how I'll get to look kind of the work that you do, and how you met doctor Chapman as well. But let's start with you know, why appreciation, why the workplace? Yeah. So, actually the first part of my career I tested students with learning difficulties ADHD and dyslexia and all those kinds of things. Mid career, I had some friends who were business consultants that knew that I had grown up in the context of a family owned business and asked me to help them because they kept running in the family issues as they were dealing with businesses because eighty five percent of all the companies in the US are family owned. And so I did that, traveled around, got to work with significantly wealthy families and businesses dealing with the family issue at crossover and business succession. And I was in North Carolina talking to in this case the father and business owner asked him how the plan was going, and he said, it's fine, my son's stepping up.

4:13 I think it's going to work, and I walked across. The hall and I asked the son the same question. He said, this is a disaster. It's never going to work. I can't ever please my dad, which I understand and identify with. So my wife and I were reading The Five Love Languages by doctor Chapman at that time, you know, bestseller in personal relationships, sold twenty five million copies, and I thought, I wonder if this could help. You know, in family businesses and businesses. So I pursued doctor Chapman for a year. It took me a year to get through to him and pitched the idea, and he had had others pitch. But I had sort of a background both in business and in relationships, and I had the good fortune of having attended the same undergraduate school that he did.

4:59 And so I think that was a little bit of a foot in the door. And so off we went and wrote the book together and developed an online assessment which has been taken by almost five hundred thousand people, and then training materials to allow people to learn how to apply the concepts in their daily lives. I really appreciate it, of course, as somebody who develops cultures of Gustonian's racial leadership appreciation is foundational. So I'm totally aligned with you, doctor Paul and want to help. Now let's help our listeners and viewers understand the difference. Well, first, let's talk about this. I want to talk about the return on investment for appreciation. You know, what does it actually yield in the workplace? For those listeners viewers who don't know.

5:41 Yet, Yeah, so, I mean a lot of business leaders and organizational leaders think, you know, it's about making people happy and feel good, and we want that to happen, and it usually does. But really the impact is in how the organization functions that we know, Like right now, for a lot of organizations, turnover is high, and we can reduce that. We reduce conflict within the workplace. We increase productivity when team members feel valued and appreciated, productivity and profitability increases profitability largely because the single largest non productive cost is turnover.

6:22 You can reduce that. We can make things go better and it's it's fun because it's really one of these issues that our assessment is. You know a lot of managers and leaders have taken a kind of personality assessments or whatever, but most front line people don't get that opportunity, and so we by stars low enough that you know, PepsiCo across their organization, Miller, Cores, Caterpillar are using it with their frontline workers and they really enjoy it's sort of you know, self discovery, and also they share it with their team members, and so good things happen when people feel valued and appreciated and sort of out of self interest, managers enjoy their work more because they're not having to deal with all these stupid little conflicts over size of you know, the computer or whether the person has a window, or all the things that really aren't relevant to the mission of the team.

7:24 A couple of things in response to that one. You know, in the years that I've spent in measuring our employee engagement and diagnosing culture, et cetera, we know when you say this in your book that the number one driver for employee engagement and satisfaction is that be feeling valued and appreciated. So that's the first thing. The second thing I want to say about you mentioned how much this idea of inculcating appreciation neu versation helps with retention. You have some fantastic stats in your book that ought to give leaders some tremendous pause that the cost to replace what a frontline person is one hundred and fifty percent of their salary, and a highlight executive something like four hundred percent of their salary. Right, So, in other words, let's learn how to put appreciation into our businesses, shall we, Folks?

8:07 This is worth your time and effort. Yeah, And research continues to come out to the shows that, in fact, right now, the EU, the European Union, and the Securities and Exchange Commission in the US are implementing procedures and laws and regulations about companies having to report their efforts on employee satisfaction and retention appreciation. Because two companies that you know, do the same kind of thing. If one pays attention to that factor, they're going to outperform their competitors significantly. And so that makes it, you know, a difference to an investor, right that you're going to go with a company that earns you more.

8:55 I appreciate that distinction. I didn't know that about that legislation. Okay, well, let's do this. I think lots of organizations are now hearing very distinctive terms terms. We hear things about mattering and belonging. Those are distinctive terms. Recognition and appreciation are distinctive terms. Can you distinguish them for us? Sure? Yeah. Employee recognition has been around for you know, a couple of decades, and it has improved the workplace to some degree. However, it's stalled out over the last decade or so because employee recognition is largely institutional. It's organizational comes down from the top, you know.

9:35 The executive team, maybe through HR, and it's largely about performance. I mean, they're recognizing and rewarding people who are meeting goals and creating profits and so forth, which is good when it's implemented well and consistently, which is a big if because that doesn't often happen. But right now, I mean, employee engagement has continued. To go down over the past several years, and people leaving, turnover goes up, and so they. Really stalled and it's it's a tough field. I'll just you know, I'm a Midwestern I want to just be straight that you know, there there is there are some significant companies that are locked into employee recognition because that's how they earn their money through the rewards and all that billions and billions of dollars are spent, but they really don't have the impact that the organization is happening. Employee appreciation and we focus on authentic appreciation.

10:40 It really is about the person. That we believe that employees and team members are more than just a production unit, that we have characteristics that are of value. In addition, I personally like to work with cheerful people more than grumpy people, you know, and other kinds of things that are value outside of your performance. And also it's person to person, it's not down the org chart. One of the cool things that we found can facilitate is people being able to communicate appreciation across the organization's team members to a different department top down, from you know, a frontline worker to their supervisor.

11:23 So it's really person to person and that's the focus of it. Thank you. I think that love is a beautiful explanation and way to distinguish those two things. We'll get more into this because I think you say in your book that ninety three percent of organizations have an employee recognition program. So very often, of course, as you say, that's when you're oftentimes recognizing them for how long they've been with the company, or you know, they get the plats and all that kind of stuff, and this is really about more of the day to day interaction of being able to really value who the human is. And so I want to just really call that out and celebrate that to that very much aligns with our approach to creating culture of gusto and destination workplaces. Cool. Cool, Yeah, it's and to be honest, you know, some supervisors, owners, managers get it and others don't.

12:12 Sure, and. That's fine. You know, we try to help those who are interested to grow in it. And actually when we're in a workplace, we'll ask people that aren't that in are to sort of step to the side and not be obstructive and just watch, and lots of times we win them over when they see that we're focused on authenticity and realistic feedback versus just going through the motions and saying or doing something because you're supposed to m you have. I think as a whole if I recall a whole chapter in your book on why leaders resist appreciation, which is really interesting and I've certainly encounter this too in my own work developing leaders and cultures, and you know, you say it in your book. You know, oftentimes when you when a leader resists that, what's behind that is why should I be concerned about communicating appreciation to employees when I pay them?

13:01 That's what they're here for. And I hear it all the time with the people that I'm working with organizations to Paul, where it's just this one, what are you talking about? I this is how I came up, and this is what it is that you do. But yet you beautifully situate this too. You've talked about the retention opportunity and benefit the return on an investment there. But then you also have this tremendous motivation wherein you actually say in your book that four out four out of five employees say that they are motivated to work harder when their boss shows appreciation for their work. Wow. So now we've a discretionary effort, we have commitment, we have loyalty. So a few reasons that we might want to consider this idea. Why should I give somebody appreciation when I already give them a paycheck? Yeah?

13:43 And also I think a big. Barrier for a lot of leaders at whatever level they are is that they're busy, you know, and they say, yeah, how am I going to fit this in? I'm supposed to do this as well. And what we found is that, yes, we want leaders at whatever level involved, but really sort of the secret Sauce has been teaching team members how to show appreciation to one another. And you know, as younger generations have come into the workforce, they're more focused on peer and collegial relationships than you know, top down, and so those kinds of actions from their colleagues are more meaningful to them.

14:24 Yeah, that's one of the things that I find really strong about your whole approach, Paul, is you know that you realize that there is strength in creating a culture of appreciation, which means it's not all on the manager's shoulders, and that other people, other team members can support and appreciate each other, and we want that we encourage that everybody wins and that way it isn't just on the manager to do that, which reduces some of that load that they already feel as a result. So I think that's really strong about your approach to and then of course making the assessment price successful to pretty much anybody also helps too. Yeah. You know, when I worked with wealthy families and businesses. I learned that you can either go high end and you know, really customized service and just reach a few, or you can sort of try to keep the cost lo and go to the greater population.

15:14 And I grew up professionally. In the not for profit uh world, you know, serving where a lot of people give a lot, but there's don't have much money for rewards and training, and I just wanted to try to reach those. So we've kept the cost low so that you know, it can it can be utilized. But anyway, I mean if you do everybody at once, which most companies don't do, I mean you just sort of piece meal it over time, you. Know, department, provide, department, and it can be done. Easily, especially if you quit giving away of you know, millions and billions of dollars of gifts that aren't you know, returning much to you as a company. Yes, and I want to talk more about that after the break, but let's wrap our first break. I am your host, Doctorally score As, who are on the year of doctor Paul White, who is a psychologist, author, and speaker who makes work relationships work. As a speaker and trainer, Doctor White has taught around the world. We've been talking about the basis of appreciation, why it's important to develop in an organization, how you can start to extinguish it from recognition. After the break, we're going to talk about why the benefits of recognition really aren't there, as we've been sort of hinting at what's under that, and then we'll start talking about the five languages appreciation in the workplace.

16:31 We'll be right back. Doctor Elise Court has as a management consultant specializing in meaning and purpose. An inspirational speaker and author, she helps companies visioneer for a greater purpose among stakeholders and develop purpose and fired leadership and meaning infused cultures that elevate fulfillment, performance, and commitment within the workforce. To learn more or to invite a lease to speak to your organization, please visit her at elisecortes dot com. Let's talk about how to get your employees working on purpose. This is working on Purpose with doctor Elise Cortes. To reach our program today or to open a conversation with Elise, send an email to Elise A. Lisee at elisecortes dot com. Now back to working on purpose.

17:39 Thanks for Jane with us, and welcome back to Working on Purpose. I'm your host, doctor Elise Cortes, as I am dedicated to help them create a world or organizations thrive because there are people thrive whether are led by inspirational leaders that help them find and contribute their greatness, and we do business in a way that betters the world. I keep researching and writing my own books. So one of my leaders came out. It's called The Great Revitalization. How activating meaning and can radically enliven your business. And I wrote it to help leaders understand today's workforce better. What do they want and need from you to give you their best and want to stick around? And then I provide you twenty two best practices to equip you to provide that through your leadership and your culture. You can find my books on Amazon or my personal website at least coore test dot com if you are just now joining us. My guest is doctor Paul White. He's the co author of the Five Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace, Empowering organizations by encouraging people. So as we started to hint at in the first segment, doctor Paul, we were talking about how traditional recognition programs really aren't working today, and I think it's important that we help our listeners and viewers understand why and really what's under that. So, of course, there's the plaque phenomenon or certificate phenomenon that we have where you're usually recognizing linked of service or something like that, which I think you say is like fifty percent a trophy or something like that, and then another thirty five percent which comes in some form of non monetary reward letter or public recognition being trotted across the state or whatever. See a bit more about why these programs aren't really working to motivate and retain people.

19:07 Well, it partly has to do with the nature of as people. I mean, I have a hard time figuring out getting a plaque for past service how that. Motivates me towards future behavior. It's just not what we know about how humans work too much. I mean, we appreciate it, but it doesn't mean we're going to do much more. Also, one of the biggest issues is that repeatedly, the top ten or fifteen percent of any organization, whether it's a department or a division or company, are the ones that get recognized repeatedly. And so you have your big group of fifty to sixty percent below. Then that are good people. They're working hard, maybe they're newer and they're still learning their positions, but they're not hearing anything. And so we know clearly that once they should say twenty nine percent of people that left a job cited a lack of appreciation as the main reason. When you don't hear things, you leave. And so we're really I mean, you can implement and improve performance of your high performers, but it's sort of like a sports team, a football team. You can have stars, but you have to have blockers and tacklers too. You have to have regular, everyday people. Unless you're a really small organization, I have lost stars. And so focusing on what motivates people and rewards them, and what we found is that not everybody feels valued and appreciated in the same way. And that's where we came

20:39 to the five languages. And money doesn't get it for a lot of people. It does for some people that are motivated that way, but the majority of the organization, especially if it's a bonus or a raise, we know that there's a short term effect, maybe two months, that it might impact them. But after that it sort of fades into the background and life is regular again and they're just back to normal. Excellent. So what I'd look to do next is just take a tour of the five languages here and kind of bring them to life and give some examples so our listeners and viewers understand what that looks like in action, and maybe as they go along they might start to identify which one seems more like them or their preference. And then after we do that that, I think we have room to talk more about just why I think we can bring home why their recognition programs don't work when we start to distinguish them with the numbers of the preferred languages as we go, especially tangible gifts. So let's start with words of affirmation. Can you bring that one to life for us? And I know this is the one where this is the preferred way that most people identify as their preferred language of appreciation in the workplace.

21:43 That's true, but unfortunately I think our culture and leaders over emphasize it because over fifty percent of people choose a language other than words, and so if you only use words, you're missing over fifty percent of your team members. Right now, we've got. New data that we've calculated that forty four percent of the workforce chooses words as their primary language. And one of the things is that we've learned is that statements like good job, glad you're part of a team, way to go. It just bounces off their forehead. I mean, it just has no way. And you have to be specific.

22:27 And we teach a model of you know, use a person's name. We like to hear your name. If you're writing it, please spell it correctly, and then be specific about what you value about them, and it can be about their work and what they've done. That you know, they got their reports that are on time. But third piece that's really important is to tell them and communicate why it's important either to you, to the organization or to the clients. You know, forging, you know, Sylvia, thanks for getting your reports in on time. To me that way, I have a little bit of leading way to build to pull all the reports together and get it out to my boss on time as well. So it's really important to do that. And there's different kinds actions with each language words. It can be one on one that's sort of the most common way, but it could be in a small group or you know a team zoom, meaning that you call out somebody that really served one of their clients. Well, one of the things we know that about forty percent of the workforce doesn't like to go up in front of the group a large group to be recognized, and it's actually a negative for them.

23:34 So you sort of gone cross purposes for that. And then also written communication is helpful for introverts that especially giving it that they get really anxious about sort of talking to somebody directly and being able to send a text or an email or write a card is more comfortable for them. Beautiful, beautifully articulated to Paul, one thing I'd like to do is map over what you said about when you help, you give the words of affirmation and you share why or how the contribution was important and how it made a difference to the person's work. Now where you're in the space of what we call mattering, and mattering has become a tremendous area to distinguish and help organizations to really help people feel like they are valued and appreciate.

24:23 So I just wanted to put that together for listeners and viewers who have been listening to the show for a while. They probably made that connection already. The new people maybe haven't yet, So I just wanted to thread that little needle there together. It's just gorgeous, right, Okay, So let's talk about the second language, quality time. And let me just say here, that's interesting. I took your assessment and I did discovering the workplace. Quality time's my preferred language of appreciation, and that is both within with my team and also with the really sacred work I get to do with organization leaders. And so that was helpful for me to I have thought it was just words of affirmation, So I really appreciate that. Now it makes much more sense as to where I get my juice in my gym. You talk to Paul, you bet, you bet? Yeah. Quality time is an an interesting one in that we've learned that it really differs according to generation as far as the age and stage of the worker.

25:12 That for those of us that are older like being quality time. We learned that it was really about valuing time with our manager or supervisor, because time is really one of our most precious commodities, either in them giving instruction or just some focus and listening to us. Or hearing our ideas. But for younger workers, I tell leaders, just because you have a team member that has quality time as their language, doesn't mean they want time with you. Okay, you may be wonderful, you may be great, but they really want to hang out with their peers and go to lunch, go out after work and so and this is one of the barriers that a lot of people would say, oh, I don't have time to spend time with every way, Well you don't have to because they don't want to spend time with you necessarily.

26:00 And that's where in our inventory we not only. Identify the language, but the specific actions and from whom you want them, so you get really sort of granular and so it's but it's twenty six percent of the populations of about one about or eighty four people value quality time. And you know you can if usually you compare it with words or whatever, and that sort of multiplies effect. But it's an important piece to know that, just you know, walking by and giving a word of praises and going to cut it for a lot of people. Another thing that I think really helped, which also I could really really relate to and be affirmed by, is part of using the quality quality time. Preferred language shows up in like quality conversations, quality discussions. You know, so this is at a quality exchange. You know, you're taking time to share your thoughts, vulnerable sharing your thoughts. That's that for me is if you know, I always had a saying what I you know, as I called your life, which was terrible in the whole dating world, but it was if you're not going to share your soul with me, to waste my time? You know? Okay, see, I gotta go.

27:17 It was a nice weed out factor, Paul. Anyway, Okay, So number three appreciation language is acts of service. Let's talk about that one. Yeah, acts of service. It's not rescuing low performing colleagues. It's these people live by. It's sort of the mantra that don't tell me you support me, show me. Words are cheap. And so it's twenty percent so one about eary five colleagues, and it's it's really interesting that it doesn't take a lot. It's sort of it's important to understand what kind of help they want. And also if we ask people say, hey, would you like some help our culture, the normal response is no, I'm good, you know, and so you have to sort of push through that.

28:05 But two the most. Common contexts are when you're working on a time deadline. You have got to get something done, and what's something somebody can do to help you out, whether that's maybe take part of your daily work so that you can focus on the project, or. Maybe delegate a piece to them. And the other common context is when in a service industry, maybe in a dentist office, a whole bunch of them will show up all at once. Of the receptionist ask. And she can't, you know, greet all of them or assign them in you know, maybe the office mander whose job isn't to do this, you know, helps out to get past that sort of stale stale maid and clog up.

28:49 So it really is important. It doesn't take a lot for them. You don't have to do it repeatedly like every time. Just pay attention and they really light up and they respond by loyalty, I mean, they are ready to sort of go to war with you if. You help out when they need it. A couple of additional things I wanted to pepper in there that I thought were very very powerful in your book that help help us understand how to meet a person who has this preferred language is one win when you offer to help them that that now wouldn't be the time when you ask them, you know, what would be helpful, specifically, how would you like the tasks done?

29:31 And they tell you how they want the test, and that that is not your time to tell them, you know there's a better way to do it, and let me show you what it is. Right, That is not the time to be doing any coaching. Right, we're going to do an active service for somebody. You do the task and the way that they want you to. And the other important thing is when would be best to help and that you make sure that you finish the task. You don't leave it hanging out there. If you're going to do an active service, you've got to fully come through for the other person. Yes, absolutely, you know, and doing it their way is really important. I was working with a group of inner city schools and the administrative assistants said, you know, we tell the principle to quit moving our piles. We do things by piles and if you want to come out and it was just messing things up and it wasn't helpful at all.

30:19 Yeah, perfect example. Well, let's grab our last break because I want to cover the last two languages here, but I want to nuance them specifically, So let's go ahead and cut for our break. Now. I'm your host, doctor at Last Cortes. We were on the air with doctor Paul White, who is the co author of the Five Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace. We've been talking about a few of the of the languages here. After the break, we're going to talk about the last two. We'll be right back.

31:00 Doctor Elise Cortes is a management consultant specializing in meaning and purpose. An inspirational speaker and author, she helps companies visioneer for greater purpose among stakeholders and develop purpose inspired leadership and meaning infused cultures that elevate fulfillment, performance, and commitment within the workforce. To learn more or to invite Elise to speak to your organization, please visit her at elisecortes dot com. Let's talk about how to get your employees working on purpose. This is working on Purpose with doctor Elise Cortes. To reach our program today or to open a conversation with Elise, send an email to Elise ALISEE at elisecortes dot com. Now back to working on Purpose.

31:51 Thanks you Jane with us, and welcome back to Working on Purpose. I'm your host, doctor Release Cortes. As you know by now, this program is dedicated to empowering and inspiring you along your journey to real life more of the potential. If you will learn more about how we can work together and learn about the customer Now Academy for leaders and individuals on various journeys alike. Make your way to Gusto dash now dot com and then navigate to the training tap to find the academy. We'd love to have you join us if you are just joining us today. My guest is doctor Paul White. He is the co author of the Five Languages of Appreciation in Workplace, empowering organizations by encouraging people. So the next language of appreciation is tangible gifts. And I've really found this really really interesting. And you have all chapter on blind spots about you know whatever, you whatever language is your least favorite, probably your blind as to its power to somebody else, This is my least favorite. Okay, let's talk about tangible gifts.

32:42 Yeah, tangible gifts in our model is not raises, is not bonuses. That's you know, according to the organization and management. It's really just small things and items that show that you're getting to know your colleagues as people and what they like. The most commonly given gift in the workplaces food, you know, whether that's somebody that likes to bake things and brings in some coffee cake, or you know, maybe the supervisor stops and gets some bagels or donuts. Actually, I'm hearing feedback that a lot of places are really tired of pizza for lunch. I want to sort of move past that. But also, gift cards are the second most frequently given gift, and it's.

33:26 Doesn't have to be a big deal. I mean, in fact, we did some research and found out that there's two groups. Of people around gift cards. One like the sort of generic card Amazon or Visa gift cards, so they can you know, shop. For whatever they want. But there's a group that doesn't like those because they don't want to spend it on bills. They want it according to sort of their specialty website, whether. It's a bookstore or a phishing stores. That they can buy something that's fun and gifts while it's being used in employee recognition, A lot, It doesn't have a lot of impact laces. Research shows it's nine. Percent of employees choose that as their primary way of wanting to be show appreciations lower in other cultures. And because, I mean, if you never hear anything positive, if you never get any help when you need it, or nobody stops by seeing you, and you get a gift and you know that the manager you have to pay for it, it's from the company, it doesn't feel very you know, authentic and meaningful.

34:31 So but this is where it is the thought that counts. It's not the amount of money that maybe they know that you they you know you're a Dallas Maverick fan and so they get you something related to that, or they know that you're going to plan a garden this spring and you've never done that before, and can get you a catalog or a magazine about that. But it can even be online. I mean, let's say if you're going to coach your kids soccer team for the first time, and this person has some experience, they send you a website about training activity. So it's just about you as a person, and it can be related to performance, but lots of times it's not.

35:12 It's just sort of celebrating you and what you like. Mm. And the key there is you say so beautiful in the book is just the importance of you know, appreciating and knowing your people as individuals and taking the time to learn about what's important to them. That's part of what makes that the tangible gift meaningful to someone who has this preference language. Yeah, and giving everybody the same thing gets. You nowhere, right right. Yeah. I know many people that my standard gift is what I give, so okay, so I really appreciate it is when I give gifts, I do really try to think about, well, who are they, what do they care about, what matters to it, not what do I think they need or what's easiest for me to give, right, So I appreciate that. Okay. So now the last appreciation language is physical touch, which to say so candidly in your book that you had left out for some peer time in your assessment and then I think you've got some pushback and such, and it's powerful, I can tell you. For me, doctor Paul, I use touch a lot. It's I lived in Brazil for two years. Part of the reason why company is called Gusto now is because it honors the vibrancy, the passion, the expression of those you know, Latino cultures under in Spain as well. Touch is a really important part of living in those cultures. Absolutely, and when I'm doing workshops, I do you know, I'm careful, I notice you know, who can I touch on the shoulder or whatever. But let's talk about physical touch in the workplace.

36:33 Yeah, it's really an issue in the US in some parts of Western Europe, whereas in. Other parts of the world it's not an issue. And as we work in multicultural organizations and even within the US among the largely Hispanic community, touch is important and if you don't touch, it feels very cold and objective. And really it's it's what we've found his spontaneous celebration in the workplace, and it's it's a high five when you reach a goal, or a fist bump, when you solve a problem, maybe a congratuatory handshake, or when somebody's you know, just found out that you know, their husband's in a car accident, he's in the hospital. I mean Anne on the shoulder or sidehok, you know, is appropriate, depending on the relationship. It's always the recipient who decides what's appropriate. But uh, it's I think it's becoming less I don't know, toxic than maybe it was the Northeast still, I mean, you know in New York you know you don't you know, Yeah, it's checking in here for weapons, you know. I mean, it's just it's it's not part of the culture. But I think it can be very meaningful in appropriate uh, and healthy relationships.

37:52 Now you know, I can tell you for you know, Languages of Love, the original Doctor Gary Chapman book. That book is also based on for me, words of affirmation is also important for those kinds of relationships, but just quickly, just to distinguish and the culture thing is so beautiful. When I lived in Spain, what the Spaniards taught me and gave to me was I learned the power of relationships. When I lived in Spain, everybody's kissing talk about physical touch. Everybody's kissing it. It's beautiful. And as an American like, what is that public? Your PDAs? And then living in Brazil, you know the language of touch. You know, you really can't really have a conversation with somebody without touching them. It's just not effective. And women and when we sit and talk together as women, we are oftentimes stroking each other's face or touching each other's hair. It's that kind of level of touch. I had to unlearn all that, doctor Paul, when I came back to the States, because you know, people misinterpreted that or they were offended by it, and anyway, just to distinguish, you know, this idea of touch and the nuance and levels of how people interpret touch.

38:53 Just to know that. And you also, I mean the Asian cultures primarily, I mean in Japan for sure. I mean a handshake is about the only physical touch that happens in the business context there. So you have to be culturally aware. But I think we're loosening up a little bit appropriately in the workplace here. Yeah. Well, that's where we're out to create cultures of gusto. So we don't need to necessarily have public displays of affection all the time and help right hands on everybody, but we definitely want to see vibrancy and passion and expression and certainly appreciation. So you and I are locked arm in arm, doctor, don't get away now. Yeah, okay, so let's talk a little bit here in our last few minutes here, I'd love to help have our listeners and viewers better understand how you've helped organizations implement a culture of appreciation. How do you do your work?

39:40 Yeah, you know, it's been interesting over time because I mean we've been doing this fifteen plus years and started with some very small organizations, typically and or like a department. And often what we do is somebody finds our material and finds it interesting and the and we sort of help them do a pilot study versus trying to get the whole organization to do that. We will go across a whole organization. But it's rarely you know, top down across the way. It's more piece by piece where we find somebody who's interested and we have them take our online assessment. Over time, we've developed about fifteen industry specific versions because the languages seem to be relevant almost in the same proportions across industries, but the actions are different. So like an active service to a nurse is different than an active service to a public school teacher, to a carpenter, and so we specify and help people get specific what they want done or what kind of time they want and so forth.

40:50 And then. Because I grew up in the non for profit work. I wanted to create a low cost training materials and so we have Appreciation Training Kit costs not quite a thousand dollars, but you can use it multiple times. With different groups. And it's you know. Videos, instructional videos, it's handouts, its slides, it's a facilitator's guide that just walks you through the activities and all that takes about a half day and we've taken hundreds and thousands of teams through that, and we have people can sort of get trained and do it internally, or we have you know, a bank of facilitators I don't know, fifteen hundred or so across the world that they can use if they want to do that. And so it's really getting small groups together to talk about it and learn about how each other view appreciation and how they don't want it and start to apply it.

41:51 No, so appreciate that. And you said this at the beginning of our conversation about when you make the assessment to be able to anybody, And there's something powerful about learning about yourself, right, just giving people the opportunity to learn, Oh this is important. Oh that's why that's why I respond to this so so powerful, right, and then you know, being able to equip the manager and the colleagues with that knowledge is just so powerful. And you know, even in just some of the work that I do helping organizations identify the individual values of the organization and of that of the of the organization as well as its purpose, I can there's spends so many times when I've done these programs, and I remember just one one instance where a woman I'd done some work for a law firm here in Dallas, and one of the women who was she was an administrative asistant who had been called back from retirement to come back into the into the office to work. Her number one value is kindness, And I said, does your boss know that that's your number one value?

42:46 She put her head down in tearstream down her face. Yeah, no, most most certainly he doesn't know, right, But I said, what would happened do you suppose if you did know? Anyway? So I just really want to celebrate what you're doing. It's just such a powerful and really in many ways, you know, foundational way to really start to elevate the relationships in the workplace where we spend most of our day. Yeah, and we have new research coming out all the time. We do research, but now more and more people in research. Study came out in the twenty twenty five from Malaysia that found that combining employee recognition with authentic appreciation had a greater effect than either by itself, right, because you can sort of motivate people who are motivated this way, but support and encourage people through appreciation and encouragement through the five languages, and the impact is greater.

43:45 And so. I mean PepsiCo, Caterpillar, Mercedes Beens, others are combining what we're doing with their employee recognition are syst and costs as much because we're not giving away a bunch of stuff, but it's impactful. And also because with AI, with a lot of different kinds of things, people are feeling pretty disconnected at a personal level, and this provides sort of a channel for people to connect at a meaningful way. Well, the other thing too that you're doing, which I do through my work too, is now you've equipped those individuals and now they know something about appreciation, and then they go home with that knowledge and now they can start to bring that home into those personal relationships and now things get better. At home. So I love that whole ripple of effect, which is a big reason I keep doing the work that I do, which brings me to my next question. I want to be doing this work that I do, doctor Paul, where we're really helping to transform individual leaders and organizations, if I didn't believe and didn't revere the wonderful power of growth, the possibility of growth, of reaching for our higher potential. And so for me, it's such sacred work to get to do work with leaders where you're in that sacred personal intimate space with them, help and them grow and learn and face their demons, their mindset, limitations, et cetera. So I'd love to have you share an example of a leader that you have worked with along the way who was initially resistant to the idea of appreciation but saw some great results when they did implement it.

45:15 And you know, we had had an article written about our work in the New York Times with a mining company in South Dakota and Colorado, and it was interesting that the top leadership was a femily owned business. The top leadership they found our resources and they wanted to bring us in. And you know, a mining company with miners and truck. Drivers and concrete you know people, it's not the group that you think, oh, this is the touchy feeling group that's going to want. To do this, and so there was resistance. But when they heard what we were doing in the in the focus on authenticity and that we encourage it.

45:55 If you don't if you're having an our time appreciating somebody, don't try to fake it. You know, that's going to really undermine trust in your relationship as a whole. And so it was interesting to see them embrace it and try it out. And that's sort of an interesting I mean, there are people that get excited about this. So you know, I've heard about the language that I thought about work, how do you apply it? But then there's other people like, you know what, but to do. It within the context of relationships with people that you know that you work with daily, often authentic and genuine, and you receive appreciation in a way that's meaningful to you.

46:36 What happened then is they started doing things like they created. Little symbols to put on their helmets of their own language, and then it became really sort of an honor to be able to go through the training they have a pretty fast turnover for people that just joined, so they had like a ninety day a waiting period, you know, and then when they could go through that, then they. Would go through the training and share that. And it's been fun to see that as well as other places that take it on and sort of whether they make t shirts or they create a gift card stand where people can go get cards and sort of adopt it into their own culture.

47:20 It's been fun to see. I so appreciate that. I personally. One of the most cherished things that I know my work is working is when I get the call from the spouse saying I don't know what you're doing, but thank you. Yea. So the show goes by so fast. Actor pauls listen to my people around the world. What would you like to leave the listeners of viewers with saying about twenty seconds? You know, I would say, first of all, start somewhere with someone you know that it doesn't take a lot of its words, that's okay, do it privately versus in public, be specific, but then learn more about it. And you know, our website and appreciation at work dot com, and I'll invite people they can write me Paul at doctor Paul White Dr Paul White dot com. Tell them you know you heard on this podcast, and I'll send you a sample report and sample group profile too, so you can see what it looks like and then try it out with just even a small group at your workplace. So glad to cross paths with you, Doctor Paul.

48:27 It's a delight to know you to learn more about the language of appreciation, the preferred ways of appreciation. I really learned a lot from your book and this conversation. Thank you for coming on working on purpose. Thanks for having me. I really enjoyed it. So welcome listeners and viewers. You are going to want to learn more about doctor Paul White, the work that he does as a leadership training trainer helping companies to improve culture, and his book The Five Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace. You can visit him at his personal site it's doctor Paul White dot com. So it's dr Paul White dot com, and then his business website is Appreciation at Work dot com. Last week, if you missed the Life Show, you can always catch it via recorded podcast.

49:08 We were on the area with Ken la Zott. He's the founder and CEO of Emerson Consulting Group, which is a consulting firm helping establish thought leadership to professionals of all types, and also the author of Walden for Hire. Business Lessons from Henry David Thuaut. We talked about Threau's vast work experience and philosophy of work, his work as an entrepreneur and an inventor in his family pencil business, and the school he founded, all of which give us a fresh perspective on business today. Next week we'll be on the air with Yadira Caro. She's an organizational psychological practitioner and coach, talking about her book Hardcore Soft Skills, a Guide to Working with Humans. See you. Then, let's continue learning and leaning into how to discover how to elevate the operating system as a leader, becoming inspirational and create destination workplaces where legendary business takes place.

49:55 Let's work on Purpose. We hope you've enjoyed this week's program. Be sure to tune into Working on Purpose featuring your host, doctor Elise Cortes, each week on W four CY. Together we'll create a world where business operates conscientiously. Leadership inspires and passion, performance and employees are fulfilled in work that provides the meaning and purpose. They crave see you there. Let's work on purpose.