Aug. 14, 2024

Lead and Live Wholly: The Neuroscience of Embracing and Harnessing Your Emotions Toward Vibrance

Lead and Live Wholly: The Neuroscience of Embracing and Harnessing Your Emotions Toward Vibrance

Your most powerful service to the world needs the full range of your energy – that is, to lead wholly. The world needs you to show the people you lead what to do with their fear, their rage, their inadequacy, and their anxiety by watching you...

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Your most powerful service to the world needs the full range of your energy – that is, to lead wholly. The world needs you to show the people you lead what to do with their fear, their rage, their inadequacy, and their anxiety by watching you transform your own. By realizing your capacity to embody the whole energy of your whole life, you claim the most cherished prize: yourself. When you claim the most powerful version of yourself, you show everyone else their way home, too.

Working on Purpose is broadcast live Tuesdays at 6PM ET and Music on W4CY Radio (www.w4cy.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). Working on Purpose is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).

Working on Purpose Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.

WEBVTT

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The topics and opinions express in the following show are

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solely those of the hosts and their guests, and not

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those of W FOURCY Radio. It's employees are affiliates. We

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be directed to those show hosts. Thank you for choosing

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W FOURCY Radio.

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What's Working on Purpose? Anyway? Each week we ponder the

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answer to this question. People ache for meaning and purpose

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at work, to contribute their talents passionately and know their

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lives really matter. They crave being part of an organization

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that inspires them and helps them grow into realizing their

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highest potential. Business can be such a force for good

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in the world, elevating humanity. In our program, we provide

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guidance and inspiration to help usher in this world we

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all want Working on Purpose. Now, here's your host, doctor

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Elise Cortes.

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Welcome back to the Working on Purpose Program. Thanks for

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turning again this week. Great to have you. This program

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has been brought to you with passion their pride since

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February of twenty fifteen. I'm your host, doctor Elisee Cortes.

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If we've not met and you don't know me, I'm

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an organizational psychologist and logo therapist, speaker and author. My

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team and I at Gusto Now help companies to enliven

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it and fortify their operations and increase profitability by articulating

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their purpose and building inspirational leaders and cultures activated by

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meaning and purpose. Our mission is to help the companies

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we serve create a destination workplace where people flocked to join,

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are intrinsically motivated to perform at their best, can grow

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to their full potential, and are committed to stay and

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dynamically deliver on the company's mission, which all translate to

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higher profits for you. You learn more about us and

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how we can work together at Gusto dashnow dot com

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or my personal site, police Coortes dot com. Getting in

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today's program we have with us today Doctor Julia de Gangi.

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She's a neuropsychologist who has spent nearly two decades studying

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the connection between our brains and our behavior. Has worked

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with leaders at the White House Press Office, Global Companies,

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International NGOs, and the US Special Forces. She's the founder

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of Neurohealth Partners in neuropsychology based consultancy, where she shows

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people at work and at home how to harness the

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power of the brain to lead more satisfying and emotionally

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intelligent lives. She's the author of Energy Rising, The Neuroscience

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of Leading with Emotional Power, which will be talking about today.

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She don't you today from Chicago, doctor de gangi a

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very warm welcome to working on Purpose.

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I'm so glad to be here.

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Thank you for having me, most welcome and woman.

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This is an incredible thing you have brought into the world,

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this beautiful book that you created. I am stunningly impressed

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by your work. You've taught me really just Kudo's hands

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down beautiful.

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Thank you. That means a tremendous amount. I too find

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the book very beautiful, so I'm always glad to connect

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with people and go deeper about it.

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Well, let's do that.

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I want to first start with you know why you

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chose the field that you did, I mean, why not

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accounting architects.

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You're a neuropsychologist, why this field?

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And why want me to be your account that okay, okay,

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because we've got that established. So I actually never thought

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so most people have not heard the term neuropsychologist. What

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this means is I'm a clinical psychologist with specialized expertise

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in the brain. And my path to this has been,

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I think, wildly circuitous. So I should say that I

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come from a lineage of psychologists. My father is actually

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a psychologist, and he really focused on addictions work. And

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I think, like a lot of us, we come from

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families that are quite wonderful, and we come from families

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that have a lot of pain. So there was a

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lot of addiction and volatility in my own family, and

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my brother is significantly disabled. My mother was a teacher

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of immigrants, and so I sort of grew up very

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interested in people's stories, and these themes of service and

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suffering were always very prominent in my household, in some

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ways that were painful, in some ways that were very beautiful.

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So my father's a brilliant man, and he would talk

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a lot about his work, and he's always a great storyteller,

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and so I was very interested in human psychology. But

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I never thought that I would become a psychologist. My

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dad wasn't territorial. It's just you and your parents do things.

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You think, Okay, it's not my thing to do. So

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I started my career working in community organizing in politics, right,

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I mean, I think the reason that politics is so

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electrifying is because we're on some level talking about the

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core of what it means to be human, how to

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organize our communities, how to organize our lives. So I actually,

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of all places, started my career at the White House.

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So I worked at the White House. I did worked

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on a few US presidential campaigns, and then I think,

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like a lot of US, I got tight of the

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politics of politics and started moving into more of advocacy

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and community organizing work. And so I ended up doing

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a lot of international human rights work, of some humanitarian aids,

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some international development. And what really started to strike me

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because now I had worked in these enormous macro systems,

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the labor, the global labor movement, the US political system,

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and regardless of whether I was in Chicago or Detroit,

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or a Buja or Johannesburg or down in Latin America,

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everywhere I went, loss always felt like loss, Rage always

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felt like rage, Grief always felt like grief. Hope always

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felt like hope. So the thing that started to strike

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me was everywhere I was going, I was dealing with

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these themes of human pain and human power. And I

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became very interested in the science, the psychology and the

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science behind this, Like, isn't it so interesting that in

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some ways we are so diverse, yet we all have

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a brain and nervous system that functions and incredibly similar ways.

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Through this, I decided to actually go and become a neuropsychologist.

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I've done a lot of I'm very well published in

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the scientific literature, so a lot of work at the

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brain and the nervous system and how we respond to trauma, stress,

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and anxiety. So never thought I would become a psychologist

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and if I had a million lifetimes to live, I

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would live it on this altar of human pain and

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human power.

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Oh, doctor Deganti, that was incredible, just so powerful, And

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you know what, I'm just delighted by, especially doing the

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work that I'm doing as an organizational psychologist. I'm so

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delighted to see that the work of you and others

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as well, are bringing emotions to their proper stage. You know,

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it used to be that we had to stuff them

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and not talk about them and certainly not live them.

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And so I love how you have really.

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Put forth this notion of that you say, our emotions

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are the bridge between where we currently standing where we

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want to be. Look the power of emotions. Behold the

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power emotions.

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Amazing?

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Yes, so I you know, one of the things that

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I sort of realized in my work is that in

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order to really make meaning in our lives, meaning is

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fundamentally emotional. Take any question, any existential question. Are you

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a good person? I don't know, how do you feel

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about it? Are you a good parent? Are you a

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good leader? Have you achieved enough in your life? Do

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you have enough money? Do you have enough time? How

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bad does you like? All these questions are fundamentally mediated

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by emotional systems in the brain. And so when we're

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all out there talking about transformation, transformation in our companies,

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transformations and our and our relationships with our spouses and

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our family, transformation on social media, the line of transformation

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is quite literally emotional. And I don't mean this metaphysically.

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I don't mean it metaphorically. I mean it neurobiologically that

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until we understand how to master our emotions, we really

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are just going to keep playing out the same patterns

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over and over and over again.

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And I love how you really situate that you know,

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energy is actually sorry, emotions are actually energy, and I

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think people have learned that to a certain degree, but

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there's so much for us to uncover with that. So

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I want to go deeper on that, and even to

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even you go even further. I love the novel and

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simple premise of your book. You say your emotional power

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is best understood not as a set of activities you

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do or strategies you execute, but as energy you possess.

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And that is fantastic.

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I think that it is really important for us to

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understand because I think one of the fundamental flaws that

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we all make is we think that there's something external

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to us that if we could just achieve this thing,

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we would arrive. Right. So, if we could finally have

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the degree, if we could make x amount of dollars,

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if we could be in this type of marriage, if

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we could be in this type of home, if we

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could be in this type of body. But I'm here

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to tell you in part because of my brain research,

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but also because at this point in my career, I

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have sat with thousands of people and I have sat with.

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So I do have a clinical practice where I treat patients,

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but I also coach some of the world's most successful leaders.

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And a message that I want to share with people

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that I know we've all heard on some level is

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there's something so powerful when people who have it all

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are sitting and saying I feel terrible, I feel stressed,

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I feel inadequate, I feel unrelaxed, I feel constantly on edge.

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So there isn't there's no no external thing that can

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calibrate or transform the energy that's in our nervous system. Well,

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then how do we do that? Will we do that

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by coming in to a relationship with feelings that we

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have historically avoided feeling. This is why an energy rising.

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I think one of the greatest things about energy rising

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is it really simplifies in a way that is scientifically accurate,

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how human transformation happens. And I talk about emotional power,

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which is all the things we want, confidence and connection

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and resilience and creativity. And I talk about emotional pain,

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and it's all the things we don't want, fear, stress, overwhelm, anxiety,

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being irritated, being frustrated. But there's this great paradox, and

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the paradox is that every single thing that we want

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in this lifetime, more confidence, more peace, more intimacy, requires

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us to come into a different relationship with the painful

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feelings we've avoided so much so that it's actually these

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painful feelings that, ironically, paradoxically enough, are the precise, the

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precise path to greater power. To give you an example

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of this, let's say I'm someone in my life who

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wants more confidence. The only way, the only way to

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get more confidence is for me to come into a

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new relationship with the energy of self doubt. As I

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start to go into that energy of self doubt, it hurts.

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Right If I want more influence or I want to

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be a more effective leader, have deeper relationships, the energy

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I must face is the energy of rejection. So as

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I go to open myself, expose myself, be more vulnerable,

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I'm going to feel anxious. I'm going to feel the

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fear of being reject But if I can hold my

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shake in that period, what happens is I get the

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very thing I want. Greater influence, greater connectivity, greater intimacy,

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and so on. So the point I'm really trying to make.

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Here is these feelings that a lot of us spend

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an entire lifetime trying to avoid are the precise feelings

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we need to metabolize in order to construct the life

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we want.

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So powerful, I had on doctor Neha Sanguan, who is

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also a friend of mine, talking about something similar like this,

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and she's a medical doctor. She talks about that, she doesn't.

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I love the idea of metabolizing these painful emotions very powerful,

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And you talk about that being our path, that's our

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path to empowerment.

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When we do this, it is our path through empowerment.

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And I think to understanding where we really really stumble.

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So I think one of the biggest ideas and energy rising.

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If I really had one word to describe all my work,

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I think it would be either counterintuitive or opposite. Right, So,

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the brain is really a pattern detection machine. And so

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the brain, it's pattern detection capabilities are amazing. This is

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exactly why I'm sure we've all had this scenario where

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we drive home and we are either on a phone

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call or listening to a podcast, and we arrive in

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our driveway and have no idea how we got there. Right,

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It's just the brain's kind of unconscious pattern detection abilities

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taking over. The problem with this is, if we want

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any change in our life, it requires it is requisite

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that we rupture patterns well to an organ that's in

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the business of adherent to old patterns. When I start

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to rupture the pattern, of course that would be painful.

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But I have to come to pain in my life

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with an intelligence, and one of the intelligences is to understand.

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And this is a This is very counterintuitive for even

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though I do this work all the time, it's even

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sometimes counterintuitive to me. Oftentimes we think it's the situation

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that creates the emotion. Because I showed up at the

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party and nobody was nice to me, I now feel

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bad because I tried X and X didn't happen, I

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now feel anxious. Very often it's the exact opposite. It's

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the emotional energy that I possess in my own nervous

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system and my own body that gives rise to the situation.

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And so if I spend my life trying to transform situation,

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after I try to make this person say this thing,

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and those people do that thing, and those people not

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say that thing, and then I'm kind of chasing situation

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after situation after situation to try to transform my life,

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when what I really need to do is come into

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a new awareness of my own emotional energy. And I'm

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happy to give examples of this or really take this

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anyway you want.

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Well, let's get one example and then after that we'll

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take our first break.

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Okay, how long do I have because I want to

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I want to like about a ma Okay, let me

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try to do this in a minute. So, I think

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the biggest stumbling block is actually what I call the

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energy of uncertainty. And I don't care if you say

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the word ambiguity or confusion or I don't know or

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the future. All of these things semantically neurologically are just

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like I don't know what comes next. And so uncertainty

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is very, very triggering to an organ that's in the

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business of predicting what comes next. Right, the brain is

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in the business what predict comes next. Ye, So what

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happens to a lot of us is when we meet

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uncertainty is we try to create external forms of certainty.

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I describe this and energy rising by what I call

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the overs I'm guessing that some of your listeners are

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going to resonate with this, so I start to do

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things like I overwork, I overthink, I overaccommodate, I overgive,

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I overfunction, I overengineer, I over communicate, I mean, I overschedule,

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I overplan, on and on and on and on. What

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I'm really trying to do is I'm trying to say,

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right now, I'm feeling nervous because of uncertainty in the

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external environment, so let me try to compensate through a

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tremendous amount of my own energy to try to create

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external forms of certainty. The problem with this, for any

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of us who've overworked and overdone it for too long

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is invariably there's a math to this. We end up

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feeling exhausted, the draggled, defeated, and at the extreme we

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feel numb, We feel uninspired by our own lives, and

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we even feel depressed and hopeless. Okay, So one of

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the most paradoxical things, and I'm most formatively an anxiety expert,

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is there's a very paradoxical thing, which is the more

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I try to beat uncertainty by obsessively trying to create

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certainty in the extra in a world, the worse I feel,

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the more anxious I feel. The more stressed I feel,

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the more unstable. I think it's one of the greatest paradoxes.

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So what is the answer to uncertainty? And maybe I'll

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go into more of this after the break if we

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need to. The answer to uncertainty is not more certainty.

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The answer to uncertainty is identity. Who when the world

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is unknown, when people will not cooperate, when people will

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not listen, when the things don't go as I want

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them to go, Who, in those moments do I say

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that I am? And if I have a very very

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clear answer to this question, which most of us don't,

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this is why I wrote Code Too and Energy Rising,

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which is called build your Power pattern. If I have

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a power pattern where I say, no, matter what's happening

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out there, this is who I am. My ability to

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get spaciousness, degrees of freedom and relief is otherworldly.

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M That is a great way to send our listeners

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and viewers on a break, Doctor Gange, let's do just that.

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I'm your host, doctor Elise Cortez. We were in the

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air with doctor Julia de Ganji. She's the founder of

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Neurohealth Partners, a neuropsychology based consultancy where she shows people

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at work and at home.

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How to harness the.

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Power of the brain to leave we're satisfying and emotionally

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intelligent lives. Talking a bit about where her work came

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from and why it so important to her and its power.

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We're going to start talking about those codes. She talks

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that there's five of them in her book. Will be

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right back.

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Doctor release Cortez is a management consultant specializing in meaning

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and purpose. An inspirational speaker and author, she helped company's

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visioneer for greater purpose among stakeholders and develop purpose inspired

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leadership and meaning infused cultures that elevate fulfillment, performance, and

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commitment within the workforce. To learn more or to invite

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a lease to speak to your organization, please visit her

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at elisecortes dot com. Let's talk about how to get

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your employees working on purpose. This is working on Purpose

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with doctor Elise Cortes. To reach our program today or

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to open a conversation with Elise, send an email to

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Elise A. LISEE at elisecortes dot com. Now back to

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working on purpose.

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Thanks for staying with us, and welcome back to working

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on Purpose. I'm your host, Doctor Elise Cortes as I

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am dedicated to help and create a world where people

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realize the potential at work and they are led by

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inspirational leaders and who help them find and contribute their greatness.

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And we do business at Betters the World. I keep

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researching and writing my own books. My last one came

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out in March of twenty twenty three. It's called The

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Great Revitalization. How activating meaning and purpose can radically enliven

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your business. And I wrote it to help leaders understand

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just what today's workforce really wants in order to be

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engaged and give their best. And then I offer twenty

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two best practices to help you put that into your

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culture to make it so. You can find my books

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on Amazon or my website at least quretest dot com

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if you are just now joining us. My guests is

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doctor Juliet de Gangi. She's the author of Energy Rising,

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The Neuroscience of Leading with Emotional Power.

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So, before we get into and start talking.

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About some of those codes, and I hope we can

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get through most of them because they're so powerful, I

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do want to have you talk a little bit about

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emotional power. Defined you say, if emotional pain is self division,

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then what's emotional power?

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What is it?

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So the best definition I can give for emotional power

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is wholeness. There's this. You know. What I like to

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always say at the beginning of these conversations is I

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think a lot of us think that emotions are just

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so wild and so irrational and so unpredictable. And I

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always say, there's a real math, there's a real physics

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or emotional life, Like emotions are as biological as hunger

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or going to the bathroom or sleep. So if we

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can just take it in a morally agnostic like at first,

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just like, let's just understand the physics of this, right,

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So what a lot of us are saying that we want.

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If you look at LinkedIn as even just like a

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litmus test, everyone is out there talking about expressing themselves

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and this idea of authenticity and like really being able

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to be vulnerable. Well, nobody needs to be more authentic

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about the parts they already like about themselves right now,

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you know, like this is already working well for me

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and I'm not self conscious about it, and like I

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just the parts we need authenticity around are the parts

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that we feel need to be cloaked in darkness. Because

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they're too painful to let out, they're too humiliating, they're

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too weird. There are two, I mean all the things. Right, Well,

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here's the thing we got to ask ourselves. Would the

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human body, the human nervous system is a machine on

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some level?

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Right? Yes.

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Let's imagine that I was trying to construct a jet

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like another type of machine, and I said, hey, this machine,

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this jet has like three different engines, but I'm only

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going to fly it on one engine. Maybe that would work,

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but it's certainly not as powerful, it's not going to

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be as efficient. The human emotions, the human thoughts, and

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the human behaviors are the three energetic engines that constitute

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what it means to be a human being. What a

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lot of us are actually doing, though, is saying, there's

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all the parts of us that we don't like, and

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so we try to cut it off. We try to

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not turn the engine on, so it's not part of

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our functioning, our energy ergetic sphere. Let's say the problem

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with this is the engines there, we're dragging around dead weight,

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and so what we really need to say is, like,

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do we believe from again a mathematical point of view,

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that bringing more of me honestly to the table would

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invariably create a more powerful version of me, a truer

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version of me, a more authentic version of me. Do

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I also think, because human nervous systems are quite similar

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all around the world, that if I'm experiencing feelings I

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don't like, like anxiety and stress and overwhelming and inadequacy

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and humiliation, it's probably true that other human beings on

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the planet are experiencing these precise same sensations. If the

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answer to those questions is like, yes, having more energy

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in the equation actually makes people more energetic, then I

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should bring more of myself health to the equation. So

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my definition for emotional power is simply just emotional wholeness,

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not just the parts that are socially acceptable, not just

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the parts that other people give me permission to be.

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Emotional power is when I finally say, and this is

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an evolution, a lifelong process. I am already what I am. No,

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this is not. This is immutable. Whether or not I

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choose to acknowledge it or not is a secondary question.

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But I already am these things. I already am as

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confident as I am, I already am as afraid as

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I am. I already am as heartbroken as I am.

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I already am as smart as these are already true.

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So my willingness to acknowledge what is true or not

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true does not help reality. The one question before me,

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and this is a total power question, is how do

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I choose to participate with reality?

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Oh, doctor de Ganji, where you've been all my life?

429
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This is fantastic, so powerful. Well, let's talk a little

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bit about your codes. I don't know if we'll get

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through all of them, but I'd love for you to

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speak to as many as we can, because I want

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our listeners and viewers to walk away with some ways

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to be able to use your work right away. Your

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first one, Code one expand your emotional power. I love

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how you talk about this whole that you only have

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two options run from your pain or become more powerful

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in the face of it. That is so empowering and emboldening.

439
00:25:33.359 --> 00:25:36.359
I really think it is because the thing about pain

440
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is it by definition feels bad. There's no way to

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make there's no way to make pain feel good otherwise

442
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it's not actually pain. Right, So what we have to

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do and what I love about Code one energy rising,

444
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and what I love even more about physical health is

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we have a precise, almost precise analog to this. So

446
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those of us who have worked out in any capacity,

447
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we run, we lift weights, we go to yoga, we

448
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do all the things. For most of us, we don't

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actually like the process. When we're sweating, when our heart's pounding,

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our muscles are shaking.

451
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In energy right.

452
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One of the things I think is great about energy

453
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rising is it's very practical. So there's a lot of

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exercises and blueprints and case studies. So one of the examples,

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because I think you ask for some examples, is an

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exercise I call hold your emotional shake. So if I

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want to get more, let's use physical help as an analog. First.

458
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If I want to get physically stronger, and I currently

459
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can only lift five pounds, when I go to the

460
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gym and start to lift five pounds more, so I'm

461
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lifting ten pounds now my muscles are My bicep is

462
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quite literally going to shake. And what it's shaking, I

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don't like the sensation. But for most of us, we

464
00:27:02.599 --> 00:27:06.920
don't flee from the gin, screaming, calling the ambulance never

465
00:27:07.000 --> 00:27:10.599
to return ever again. Because our muscles are shaking. Interact

466
00:27:10.759 --> 00:27:15.079
a lot of us find that sensation, albeit unpleasant, we

467
00:27:15.200 --> 00:27:19.960
actually find it satisfying. Why because the shaking is the

468
00:27:20.079 --> 00:27:26.119
clearest evidence of our increasing strength. It's precisely the same

469
00:27:26.759 --> 00:27:30.480
on the emotional power side that I've got to hit

470
00:27:30.599 --> 00:27:34.079
my emotional shake. I'll give you an example from my

471
00:27:34.119 --> 00:27:38.920
own life. Actually, with Energy Rising, so as academics, you know,

472
00:27:38.960 --> 00:27:42.680
we with almost out exaggeration, you probably know this too,

473
00:27:43.200 --> 00:27:47.000
we could prepare for ten years, yes, to give one

474
00:27:47.119 --> 00:27:49.839
twenty minute presentation at a conference, you know, so we

475
00:27:49.920 --> 00:27:55.720
know every aspect of our data and all the limitations that. Okay.

476
00:27:56.799 --> 00:28:00.039
So when Energy Rising got out in the world and

477
00:28:00.400 --> 00:28:02.880
people were very interested in it, I started getting all

478
00:28:02.920 --> 00:28:06.039
of these calls to do wonderful interviews with wonderful hosts

479
00:28:06.039 --> 00:28:10.960
like yourself. At first I lost my mind. I was like,

480
00:28:12.240 --> 00:28:16.079
trying to prepare for each interview the way I would

481
00:28:16.119 --> 00:28:20.960
prepare for like one conference every two years. Well, I couldn't.

482
00:28:21.400 --> 00:28:24.039
I have little kids, I have a job. I couldn't

483
00:28:24.119 --> 00:28:28.200
keep up. So I was like, Okay, I have got

484
00:28:28.240 --> 00:28:31.559
a big decision to make. I have either got to

485
00:28:31.599 --> 00:28:34.240
decide I am willing to walk the work of the

486
00:28:34.319 --> 00:28:39.000
damn book I just wrote or I can try to

487
00:28:39.119 --> 00:28:44.240
over control, over over over over overdo everything. So I

488
00:28:44.279 --> 00:28:46.720
just said, I'm going to trust. I'm going to trust

489
00:28:46.720 --> 00:28:49.839
my identity as a researcher. I'm going to trust my

490
00:28:49.920 --> 00:28:53.400
identity as a person who has enough intelligence to So

491
00:28:53.519 --> 00:28:57.920
the first few interviews were awful. I stuttered and I stammered,

492
00:28:57.920 --> 00:29:02.599
and my heart rased, my throat quivered, my hands shook,

493
00:29:02.720 --> 00:29:06.799
I would sweat, So I was literally emotionally shaking and

494
00:29:06.880 --> 00:29:11.160
physiologically shaking. Right, But what happened in a very very

495
00:29:11.200 --> 00:29:13.279
short period of time, and this is the piece I

496
00:29:13.359 --> 00:29:15.759
really want people to hear. In a very short period

497
00:29:15.759 --> 00:29:21.119
of time, the nervous system habituates, just like muscles habituate,

498
00:29:21.240 --> 00:29:26.960
so very quickly I just stop shaking. And when I

499
00:29:27.000 --> 00:29:31.799
stopped shaking, what started to happen was new intelligences rose

500
00:29:31.880 --> 00:29:34.720
from me. So instead of being like, did I make

501
00:29:34.720 --> 00:29:37.079
a mistake, did I say the Yeah, I make mistakes

502
00:29:37.079 --> 00:29:39.119
all the time. I say stupid things all the time.

503
00:29:39.480 --> 00:29:43.039
It's neither here nor there. Because I believe that the

504
00:29:43.599 --> 00:29:47.000
energy with which we speak is more important than the

505
00:29:47.039 --> 00:29:48.400
precise words that we use.

506
00:29:48.480 --> 00:29:51.200
Right, absolutely, My point here.

507
00:29:51.079 --> 00:29:53.400
Is that, like, if we want to get them more

508
00:29:53.400 --> 00:29:56.480
emotionally powerful, and the whole premise of my life is

509
00:29:56.480 --> 00:30:02.920
about emotional power. We can never ever ever outperformed fear.

510
00:30:04.119 --> 00:30:07.960
We can just face it. And when we face it,

511
00:30:08.119 --> 00:30:11.440
we will shake. But what happens is we are released.

512
00:30:12.319 --> 00:30:15.200
I'd love to share, like a story that I think

513
00:30:15.240 --> 00:30:16.079
is so powerful.

514
00:30:16.160 --> 00:30:17.599
Please let's do it. Stories are great.

515
00:30:18.000 --> 00:30:20.039
So this is a pilot. It was the first pilot

516
00:30:20.079 --> 00:30:23.160
to ever break the sound barrier. Okay, and he's in

517
00:30:23.200 --> 00:30:27.160
one of these like little rinkity dnkity planes. I heard

518
00:30:27.200 --> 00:30:28.599
the story and I was like, that is the most

519
00:30:28.640 --> 00:30:32.319
powerful thing. So he said, when he first hit the

520
00:30:32.319 --> 00:30:37.160
sound barrier, the plane just started shaking uncontrollably. It was

521
00:30:37.200 --> 00:30:41.359
like rattling and clanging. Most of us mere mortals would

522
00:30:41.400 --> 00:30:44.400
have turned that damn thing around. Is just like, get

523
00:30:44.400 --> 00:30:47.119
me out of here. Where's the eject button? And he

524
00:30:47.160 --> 00:30:53.240
said he just held his position and within seconds he

525
00:30:53.440 --> 00:31:00.240
punctured the sound barrier and it was totally smooth, booth,

526
00:31:00.880 --> 00:31:04.960
peaceful sailing. One of the ideas that I put forth

527
00:31:05.000 --> 00:31:09.039
in Energy Rising is the idea we can never outrun pain.

528
00:31:09.440 --> 00:31:14.559
Pain is inherent, is aging and gravity and time to

529
00:31:14.599 --> 00:31:18.400
the human experience. So while we can never fully escape pain.

530
00:31:18.599 --> 00:31:21.519
What we can do is pick a more powerful pain.

531
00:31:22.759 --> 00:31:25.799
So when this pilot decided to puncture this sound, yes

532
00:31:25.880 --> 00:31:28.799
he shook for a while, but as soon, very quickly,

533
00:31:29.359 --> 00:31:33.000
he got relief. Very quickly. When I went on interview

534
00:31:33.039 --> 00:31:34.880
after an interview and was willing to face my pain,

535
00:31:35.000 --> 00:31:37.920
I got relief. What I want people to understand is

536
00:31:37.960 --> 00:31:42.119
that the human nervous system is predictable. If we're willing

537
00:31:42.160 --> 00:31:46.039
to engage it in certain ways, we invariably get stronger.

538
00:31:48.720 --> 00:31:52.759
Well, and you are a perfect living example of just that.

539
00:31:52.839 --> 00:31:55.079
I can't imagine you being nervous at any kind of

540
00:31:55.119 --> 00:31:58.440
interview because the strength and conviction and power that you're

541
00:31:58.440 --> 00:32:00.920
giving us today in your example is just the proof

542
00:32:00.920 --> 00:32:02.720
you're telling us about what it looks like to actually

543
00:32:02.720 --> 00:32:03.640
grow through your pain.

544
00:32:03.960 --> 00:32:06.599
Yeah, but you see even that even that is like

545
00:32:06.720 --> 00:32:10.799
I had to so this is more truly me. But

546
00:32:10.960 --> 00:32:13.720
for a long time, you know, I have like a

547
00:32:14.000 --> 00:32:17.680
pretty strong academic pedigree and talk, you know, talking about

548
00:32:17.720 --> 00:32:20.880
certain things in a way that kind of starts to

549
00:32:20.960 --> 00:32:25.759
get more away from like the technical science. I had

550
00:32:25.759 --> 00:32:29.880
to overcome that fear too, right, So could it? Because

551
00:32:29.920 --> 00:32:33.559
I always saw myself is someone who was a very

552
00:32:33.559 --> 00:32:38.880
strong scientist, and someone who is a very very deep feeler,

553
00:32:39.319 --> 00:32:42.480
who can be very intuitive, who is very emotionally attuned,

554
00:32:42.920 --> 00:32:46.400
And sometimes those things don't naturally coexist. So when I

555
00:32:46.480 --> 00:32:49.160
started to get more kind of publicity on me for

556
00:32:49.200 --> 00:32:51.680
a long time, it was very uncomfortable because I was

557
00:32:51.680 --> 00:32:55.759
trying to only be this portion of myself, and I

558
00:32:55.799 --> 00:32:58.359
had to once again say, how could I be talking

559
00:32:58.359 --> 00:33:02.480
about human wholeness andtional power and not let the fullness

560
00:33:02.480 --> 00:33:05.359
of me be seen? Now, when we let the fullness

561
00:33:05.400 --> 00:33:08.400
of ourselves be seen, is it true that some people

562
00:33:08.400 --> 00:33:09.839
are not going to understand us?

563
00:33:10.119 --> 00:33:10.319
Yes?

564
00:33:11.359 --> 00:33:14.359
One of the most powerful questions we can ask ourselves

565
00:33:16.000 --> 00:33:19.640
is am I powerful enough to be misunderstood?

566
00:33:21.839 --> 00:33:24.599
Wow? I love that.

567
00:33:25.200 --> 00:33:27.440
Let's again let people ste on that for just a

568
00:33:27.480 --> 00:33:30.079
second as we take our last break. I'm your host,

569
00:33:30.079 --> 00:33:32.319
doctor Elise Cortez. We've goring on New York doctor Julia

570
00:33:32.359 --> 00:33:35.079
de Ganji. She's the founder of neuro Health Partners, a

571
00:33:35.160 --> 00:33:38.400
neuropsychology based consultancy where she shows people at home and

572
00:33:38.440 --> 00:33:40.440
at work how to harness the power of the brain

573
00:33:40.519 --> 00:33:43.440
to lead more satisfying and emotionally intelligent lives. We've been

574
00:33:43.440 --> 00:33:45.759
getting into just the first code of her five year

575
00:33:46.119 --> 00:33:47.880
in her book. After the break, We're going to hit

576
00:33:47.920 --> 00:33:49.279
a couple more. We'll be right back.

577
00:34:04.759 --> 00:34:08.320
Doctor Elise Cortes is a management consultant specializing in meaning

578
00:34:08.400 --> 00:34:12.199
and purpose. An inspirational speaker and author, she helps companies

579
00:34:12.280 --> 00:34:16.079
visioneer for greater purpose among stakeholders and develop purpose inspired

580
00:34:16.159 --> 00:34:20.079
leadership and meaning infused cultures that elevate fulfillment, performance, and

581
00:34:20.199 --> 00:34:23.440
commitment within the workforce. To learn more or to invite

582
00:34:23.440 --> 00:34:26.159
a lease to speak to your organization, please visit her

583
00:34:26.239 --> 00:34:29.440
at elisecortes dot com. Let's talk about how to get

584
00:34:29.519 --> 00:34:38.280
your employees working on purpose. This is working on Purpose

585
00:34:38.440 --> 00:34:41.639
with doctor Elise Cortes. To reach our program today or

586
00:34:41.760 --> 00:34:44.440
to open a conversation with Elise, send an email to

587
00:34:44.559 --> 00:34:49.920
Alise A. L Se at elisecortes dot com. Now back

588
00:34:50.000 --> 00:34:51.320
to working on Purpose.

589
00:34:56.719 --> 00:34:58.400
Thanks for staying with us, and welcome back to working

590
00:34:58.440 --> 00:35:01.400
on Purpose. I'm your host, doctor Cortes. I mentioned in

591
00:35:01.480 --> 00:35:03.360
the last break about my latest book coming out, The

592
00:35:03.400 --> 00:35:05.440
Great Revitalization. What I wanted you to know is that

593
00:35:05.519 --> 00:35:07.199
what I've done for you is I've created a three

594
00:35:07.280 --> 00:35:11.079
page online organizational assessment of best practices that you can

595
00:35:11.119 --> 00:35:13.559
actually download to be able to determine extent to which

596
00:35:13.599 --> 00:35:17.239
your culture is meaning that the needs of today's discerning workforce.

597
00:35:17.320 --> 00:35:20.760
You can find it at gustodashnow dot com if you

598
00:35:20.800 --> 00:35:22.800
are just now joining us. My guest is doctor Julia

599
00:35:22.840 --> 00:35:25.039
de Ganji. She is the author of Energy Rising, the

600
00:35:25.159 --> 00:35:28.559
Neuroscience of Leading with Emotional power. So for with the

601
00:35:28.639 --> 00:35:30.360
time we have left here, I think what would be

602
00:35:30.400 --> 00:35:32.719
great is let me let you choose which code or

603
00:35:32.840 --> 00:35:35.880
codes you want to talk about next. Which ones rise

604
00:35:35.960 --> 00:35:36.880
your energy the best?

605
00:35:38.880 --> 00:35:42.079
Let me think about how much time do we have left?

606
00:35:42.840 --> 00:35:44.880
They've got about thirteen minutes, twelve minutes or.

607
00:35:44.840 --> 00:35:50.039
So, all right, let's talk about let's do so there's

608
00:35:50.320 --> 00:35:52.480
the book is divided into two parts. On the first

609
00:35:52.599 --> 00:35:57.719
five codes are about myself, like like I the individual,

610
00:35:57.840 --> 00:36:01.000
not MA me Julia. It's about my reliationship with myself.

611
00:36:01.360 --> 00:36:04.039
And the part two of the book has so there's

612
00:36:04.079 --> 00:36:06.840
eight codes total. The last three codes are about my

613
00:36:07.000 --> 00:36:09.960
relationship with other people. Let's try to pick one from

614
00:36:10.719 --> 00:36:12.599
my relationship with myself and the other one is my

615
00:36:12.679 --> 00:36:16.639
relationship with others. Love it. So I want to go

616
00:36:16.719 --> 00:36:18.000
back to this idea and I'll kind of try to

617
00:36:18.119 --> 00:36:20.559
merge a couple of them. I want to talk about

618
00:36:20.599 --> 00:36:26.840
this idea of uncertainty and identity. Okay, one of the

619
00:36:26.880 --> 00:36:29.000
things that's really interesting. Let me actually talk to you

620
00:36:29.119 --> 00:36:33.360
really quickly about how the brain is quite allergic to uncertainty.

621
00:36:33.440 --> 00:36:35.280
So I think all of us kind of already understand, like,

622
00:36:35.800 --> 00:36:40.119
we don't love copious amounts of uncertainty. Well, there have

623
00:36:40.199 --> 00:36:43.159
been studies, so I'll talk about one in particular where

624
00:36:43.239 --> 00:36:45.920
people are brought into a lab and they are hooked

625
00:36:46.000 --> 00:36:49.880
up to this machine that administers electrical shocks. Okay, and

626
00:36:50.880 --> 00:36:52.679
this is not our study, but we had one of

627
00:36:52.719 --> 00:36:55.679
these electrical shock machines in our lab, and as the

628
00:36:55.760 --> 00:36:59.119
name would suggest, it hurts to be electrocuted very much. Okay.

629
00:37:00.079 --> 00:37:01.760
So they would hook people up to machines and they

630
00:37:01.760 --> 00:37:04.000
would say, Okay, the computer's going to count down five

631
00:37:04.239 --> 00:37:08.880
four three two one, and you're absolutely going to get shocked,

632
00:37:09.840 --> 00:37:12.079
or you're going to be in a condition where the

633
00:37:12.119 --> 00:37:14.519
computer is going to count down five four three two

634
00:37:14.599 --> 00:37:19.880
one and you may or may not get shocked. Now,

635
00:37:20.320 --> 00:37:23.760
it always kind of tickles me because people say, well,

636
00:37:23.800 --> 00:37:27.679
if human beings were really rational, they would choose to

637
00:37:27.719 --> 00:37:29.320
be in the condition where they may or may not

638
00:37:29.440 --> 00:37:31.199
get a shocked because there's a good chance they can

639
00:37:31.280 --> 00:37:35.480
walk away pain free. Except human beings do not statistically

640
00:37:35.559 --> 00:37:38.320
choose that. They choose to be in the condition where

641
00:37:38.360 --> 00:37:41.239
they are certain they are going to be administered in

642
00:37:41.360 --> 00:37:45.639
electrical shock. Now, when people say, like, oh my god,

643
00:37:45.679 --> 00:37:48.320
aren't humans so irrational and kind of like we eye

644
00:37:48.400 --> 00:37:51.559
roll and gaslight ourselves, this frustrates me a little bit

645
00:37:51.599 --> 00:37:54.800
because the machine, the machinery of the brain, is the

646
00:37:54.880 --> 00:37:59.000
most extraordinary, exquisite machinery on the planet. The brain is

647
00:37:59.079 --> 00:38:02.320
not making a mistake. We're just slow to catch up.

648
00:38:03.039 --> 00:38:06.280
What your brain is telling you is that there are

649
00:38:07.119 --> 00:38:13.559
legitimate situations in the world where the emotional load of

650
00:38:13.840 --> 00:38:22.280
uncertainty is quite literally more painful than physical pain. Okay.

651
00:38:22.719 --> 00:38:24.840
And what kind of tells me about this experiment is

652
00:38:24.920 --> 00:38:28.320
like people were showing up that like UCLA or like

653
00:38:28.400 --> 00:38:31.679
the University of Michigan to do these Like nobody thought

654
00:38:31.719 --> 00:38:34.199
they were going into the lab to get murdered that day,

655
00:38:34.199 --> 00:38:35.639
do you know what I mean? Like they're going in

656
00:38:35.760 --> 00:38:38.639
for twenty minutes in a Starbucks gift card. So when

657
00:38:38.679 --> 00:38:41.800
you take that experiment, and you try to imagine transposing

658
00:38:41.880 --> 00:38:45.639
it into real life where the stakes are so much higher. Right.

659
00:38:46.239 --> 00:38:47.840
One of the things that it reminds me of is

660
00:38:47.960 --> 00:38:51.000
you remember, kind of early in the COVID process, there

661
00:38:51.039 --> 00:38:54.599
were lots of people saying, I wish I would just

662
00:38:54.719 --> 00:38:57.360
get COVID so I could get it over with all this.

663
00:38:57.639 --> 00:38:59.280
Yes, yes, I heard people say that.

664
00:38:59.719 --> 00:39:01.639
Because if you think about this, and this is a

665
00:39:01.719 --> 00:39:08.960
really important piece of all of the human emotions, I

666
00:39:09.039 --> 00:39:13.320
would suggest to you that the most painful one is

667
00:39:13.400 --> 00:39:16.440
one we never really speak about because we don't even

668
00:39:16.480 --> 00:39:18.880
think of it as an affect of our emotional state.

669
00:39:18.960 --> 00:39:22.840
But it is. The brain knows what to do about happiness.

670
00:39:23.000 --> 00:39:25.119
The brain knows what to do about sadness. The brain

671
00:39:25.519 --> 00:39:27.519
knows what to do about fear. The brain knows what

672
00:39:27.599 --> 00:39:31.599
to do about suspicion. There's only one affective state that

673
00:39:31.719 --> 00:39:34.800
works against the fundamental machinery of the brain, and that

674
00:39:35.079 --> 00:39:42.480
affective state is confusion. Wow, your brain is going apple, apple, Apple,

675
00:39:42.559 --> 00:39:45.800
and it needs to predict. I'm mad, I'm mad, I'm mad,

676
00:39:45.920 --> 00:39:47.960
I predict I'm going to be mad. I'm happy, I'm happy.

677
00:39:48.199 --> 00:39:51.039
I predict I'm gonna be happy. I'm suspicious. I'm suspicious.

678
00:39:51.039 --> 00:39:53.559
I'm suspicious. I predict I'm going to be suspicious. Your

679
00:39:53.599 --> 00:39:56.960
brain knows exactly what to do about that. What happens

680
00:39:57.000 --> 00:40:00.559
in the state of confusion is your brain goes apple, Apple, Apple,

681
00:40:02.840 --> 00:40:05.679
I don't know. Is it an apple, is it a banana?

682
00:40:05.800 --> 00:40:07.719
Is it a pen? Is it a coffee cup. So,

683
00:40:08.039 --> 00:40:11.079
just like the lungs are going to breathe, the prediction

684
00:40:11.199 --> 00:40:17.480
machine is going to predict. So we underestimate how difficult confusion,

685
00:40:17.760 --> 00:40:22.119
a lack of clarity and uncertainty is. Right. So what

686
00:40:22.320 --> 00:40:25.559
happens when we're not really intelligent about how to master

687
00:40:25.840 --> 00:40:28.559
our own nervousness, how to really lead our lives powerfully,

688
00:40:28.960 --> 00:40:33.159
is we keep trying to construct this certainty by overdoing

689
00:40:33.280 --> 00:40:37.559
it in the world. Okay, one of the things I

690
00:40:37.719 --> 00:40:40.320
encourage people to do is to do this thing called

691
00:40:40.519 --> 00:40:45.760
build a power pattern. The power pattern is really the

692
00:40:46.079 --> 00:40:53.360
I am identicisty. So when the world is uncertain, when

693
00:40:53.400 --> 00:40:56.679
the world is doing things that I don't like, when

694
00:40:56.920 --> 00:41:00.760
my spouse is annoying, when my kids are listening to me,

695
00:41:01.159 --> 00:41:04.440
when the people on social media are triggering me. Because

696
00:41:04.480 --> 00:41:06.719
here's the thing. On the days when the people are

697
00:41:06.800 --> 00:41:08.800
listening and the things are working and the people are

698
00:41:08.920 --> 00:41:13.199
co operating. Anybody can lead on those days. And once

699
00:41:13.239 --> 00:41:15.199
I work with Navy seals and they have a saying,

700
00:41:15.559 --> 00:41:20.679
anybody can be a frogman on a funny day. The

701
00:41:20.920 --> 00:41:24.679
only time power really matters is on the days when

702
00:41:25.800 --> 00:41:28.920
I actually feel out of my power. So when I

703
00:41:29.000 --> 00:41:31.039
start to get triggered or I start to get afraid,

704
00:41:31.679 --> 00:41:35.719
who do I say? I am so my power pattern?

705
00:41:36.000 --> 00:41:38.039
And I'll show you. It has to be very simple.

706
00:41:38.559 --> 00:41:41.559
It has to be. It's not a complex paragraph or

707
00:41:41.599 --> 00:41:45.559
even am It's just a super simple statement. My power

708
00:41:45.679 --> 00:41:51.119
pattern is I am a global leader in emotional power. Now.

709
00:41:51.199 --> 00:41:55.480
The reason that this is so powerful is because it works.

710
00:41:55.480 --> 00:41:56.719
And this is how you're going to know it works.

711
00:41:56.840 --> 00:42:00.440
Is it works universally. Okay, So it's not when I'm

712
00:42:00.480 --> 00:42:03.199
on podcasts or when my hair and makeup are dog

713
00:42:03.280 --> 00:42:06.400
It's it's at every moment when I start to get triggered,

714
00:42:07.039 --> 00:42:09.639
I try to remember my power pattern. So I'll give

715
00:42:09.639 --> 00:42:13.519
you a recent example of this. I have two little kids,

716
00:42:14.559 --> 00:42:19.920
and my one of my children has is beautiful and

717
00:42:20.000 --> 00:42:22.960
wonderful and has a it's very easy for him to

718
00:42:22.960 --> 00:42:26.880
get disregulated. Okay, so there's lots of lots of big feelings,

719
00:42:27.239 --> 00:42:30.280
lots of very difficult days. So the other day he

720
00:42:30.400 --> 00:42:34.960
wanted to go to the batting cages and I didn't

721
00:42:34.960 --> 00:42:37.480
want to go. It was like so hot, but he

722
00:42:37.639 --> 00:42:40.920
I said, Okay, I'm gonna take you. Okay. So this

723
00:42:41.119 --> 00:42:43.199
batting cage, it's supposed to be a kid's badding cage.

724
00:42:43.199 --> 00:42:46.760
It's like throwing major league heat, and my kid is

725
00:42:47.239 --> 00:42:50.199
just missing every ball. So I'm like, I'm starting to

726
00:42:50.320 --> 00:42:53.519
like sweat because I'm like, this is not gonna go well.

727
00:42:54.119 --> 00:42:57.119
So sure enough, he runs out of tokens and he's

728
00:42:57.679 --> 00:43:01.840
extremely distressed and he's saying very alarming things. He's saying

729
00:43:01.960 --> 00:43:05.079
very alarming things about himself. He's starting to, like, you know,

730
00:43:05.199 --> 00:43:07.079
cause a big So I'm having all kinds. I'm worried

731
00:43:07.079 --> 00:43:09.559
about how he's talking about himself. I'm starting to get

732
00:43:09.599 --> 00:43:11.760
a little bit self conscious that we're having this meltdown.

733
00:43:12.079 --> 00:43:14.840
And by the grace of God, I remember the power

734
00:43:14.960 --> 00:43:18.559
pattern and I say, I am a global leader in

735
00:43:18.599 --> 00:43:22.480
emotional power, and in that moment, I just by remember

736
00:43:22.679 --> 00:43:25.559
saying the statement, I was able to center myself and say,

737
00:43:26.280 --> 00:43:28.559
really is an eight year old's meltdown, gonna throw me

738
00:43:28.719 --> 00:43:32.559
totally off my game. And I just said, hey, I said, hey,

739
00:43:32.639 --> 00:43:34.119
let's just go sit in the shade. I didn't say

740
00:43:34.159 --> 00:43:36.280
knock it off. I didn't say. So I get him

741
00:43:36.280 --> 00:43:38.320
in the shade, kind of calms down a little bit.

742
00:43:38.320 --> 00:43:40.599
I get him in the car. In the car, I

743
00:43:40.760 --> 00:43:42.440
cannot speak to him or we will have to. And

744
00:43:42.519 --> 00:43:44.920
I kind of know this, so it's hot. I say,

745
00:43:44.920 --> 00:43:46.559
I'm going to get a drink. He's like, I don't

746
00:43:46.559 --> 00:43:48.599
want one. That's okay, I'm gonna get a drink. So

747
00:43:48.679 --> 00:43:52.159
I go through the dunkin Donuts drive through and as

748
00:43:52.159 --> 00:43:54.000
I'm getting my coffee, I say to the guy at

749
00:43:54.159 --> 00:43:55.599
I say, hey, do you want to hear a joke?

750
00:43:56.719 --> 00:43:59.159
And the dunkin Donuts guy goes, sure, I want to

751
00:43:59.199 --> 00:44:02.239
hear a joke. And I said, what's a pig's favorite

752
00:44:02.280 --> 00:44:06.679
karate move that I don't know? I go a poor chop.

753
00:44:07.559 --> 00:44:11.239
So the guy's laughing. My kids starts laughing. And the

754
00:44:11.280 --> 00:44:14.119
second I see my kids start laughing, I know the

755
00:44:14.239 --> 00:44:19.280
whole situation has shifted. Why is this so powerful? It

756
00:44:19.400 --> 00:44:22.719
is so powerful for a few reasons. Because I was

757
00:44:22.800 --> 00:44:26.239
able to claim my identity in the midst of a

758
00:44:26.320 --> 00:44:29.360
situation that was causing me pain, I was able to

759
00:44:29.599 --> 00:44:33.360
draw on inner resources that had I not claimed identity,

760
00:44:33.800 --> 00:44:36.639
I would have capitulated and it would have been a nightmare.

761
00:44:36.920 --> 00:44:39.360
And here's the bigger thing that I could almost weep

762
00:44:39.480 --> 00:44:42.239
saying what I did not do that day was I

763
00:44:42.320 --> 00:44:45.840
didn't I did not create trauma.

764
00:44:47.000 --> 00:44:49.920
Yeah, what's wrong with you?

765
00:44:51.480 --> 00:44:55.639
I didn't say you embarrassed me? Because here's the thing.

766
00:44:56.079 --> 00:44:59.119
When he's that distressed, do you know who feels the worst?

767
00:45:00.039 --> 00:45:00.440
Probably you?

768
00:45:01.079 --> 00:45:05.719
Well, he already feels terrible. Yeah. So when I'm able

769
00:45:05.760 --> 00:45:10.800
to claim identity, not only is it so beautiful for myself,

770
00:45:11.880 --> 00:45:15.039
it's so beautiful for the people who are looking to

771
00:45:15.199 --> 00:45:18.960
us where I for their sense of certainty and their

772
00:45:19.039 --> 00:45:19.800
sense of safety.

773
00:45:21.000 --> 00:45:23.760
That's so stunningly powerful and beautiful and says so much

774
00:45:23.760 --> 00:45:25.760
about the power of your work, doctor Taganji.

775
00:45:25.840 --> 00:45:30.079
It's so incredible. Thank you, Yeah, beautiful, Thank you for

776
00:45:30.159 --> 00:45:32.639
sharing that. We really just have really now a couple

777
00:45:32.639 --> 00:45:33.199
of minutes left.

778
00:45:33.239 --> 00:45:35.639
But could you just at least sort of introduce one

779
00:45:35.679 --> 00:45:37.119
of the other three codes.

780
00:45:37.960 --> 00:45:43.199
Yeah, so I'll do this pretty quickly. So in the

781
00:45:43.280 --> 00:45:46.079
second half of the book, I talk about relationships and

782
00:45:46.679 --> 00:45:53.280
human relationships, all human relationships, every single problem, whether you're

783
00:45:53.320 --> 00:45:57.639
talking about with your kid, whether with your spouse, between countries,

784
00:45:58.239 --> 00:46:02.000
really can be distilled down to two competing drives of

785
00:46:02.039 --> 00:46:06.440
the brain. There is the neurobiological drive for connection, which

786
00:46:06.519 --> 00:46:08.360
is with us from cradle to grave. We see this

787
00:46:08.599 --> 00:46:12.079
very obviously in infancy, but we now study a lot

788
00:46:12.119 --> 00:46:16.880
about interpersonal neurobiology. So we know that our spouses regulate

789
00:46:16.920 --> 00:46:20.320
and disregulate our nervous systems, Our coworkers regulate and disregulate

790
00:46:20.360 --> 00:46:23.800
our nervous systems. We are herd animals, and our nervous

791
00:46:23.840 --> 00:46:26.679
system is affected by other people and we want connection

792
00:46:26.800 --> 00:46:32.159
to them. And equally powerful competing drive, though, is the

793
00:46:32.360 --> 00:46:39.599
neural biological drive for independence. Okay, so I joke. It's

794
00:46:39.719 --> 00:46:43.199
like everyone's going around being like, hey, I am a

795
00:46:43.360 --> 00:46:47.239
really great person to be in relationship with. I'm super flexible.

796
00:46:47.559 --> 00:46:51.000
There's only one rule around here. We do everything my way.

797
00:46:52.440 --> 00:46:53.199
Sounds about right.

798
00:46:53.760 --> 00:46:57.719
So what happens is when you start to understand all conflict,

799
00:46:57.920 --> 00:47:01.400
what it really is at the neil level is this

800
00:47:01.880 --> 00:47:07.679
tension between the drive for relationship and the drive for self.

801
00:47:08.159 --> 00:47:10.239
And when we understand and I take you through three

802
00:47:10.360 --> 00:47:13.360
codes to really build skills. When we really start to

803
00:47:13.480 --> 00:47:18.480
understand how to reduce this tension and build capacity, we

804
00:47:18.760 --> 00:47:23.719
become more magnetizing leaders, and we develop much more enjoyable

805
00:47:23.760 --> 00:47:25.719
and satisfying relationships in the process.

806
00:47:27.280 --> 00:47:28.840
Okay, so that's incredibly powerful.

807
00:47:28.920 --> 00:47:30.159
I did, let me say, if I can find this,

808
00:47:30.360 --> 00:47:32.760
I did think that this was such an incredible way

809
00:47:32.800 --> 00:47:34.559
to finish or at least toward the end of your book,

810
00:47:34.639 --> 00:47:36.639
this is here and this is we can finish this

811
00:47:36.679 --> 00:47:38.800
one that you could quickly comment on it. But you

812
00:47:38.920 --> 00:47:40.559
do talk about you say the world is waiting for

813
00:47:40.639 --> 00:47:43.440
people who aren't just aware of painful emotions, but ones

814
00:47:43.480 --> 00:47:45.320
who know precisely what to do about them.

815
00:47:45.639 --> 00:47:46.159
The world is.

816
00:47:46.159 --> 00:47:48.480
Waiting for you, and your most powerful service to the

817
00:47:48.559 --> 00:47:51.760
world doesn't require anything more than everything you already have.

818
00:47:52.360 --> 00:47:54.760
The world needs the full range of your energy. The

819
00:47:54.800 --> 00:47:56.679
world needs you to show them what to do with

820
00:47:56.800 --> 00:48:00.599
their fear, their rage, their inadequacy, their anxiety by watching

821
00:48:00.719 --> 00:48:04.280
you transform your own. If there's one message I hope

822
00:48:04.320 --> 00:48:06.840
you carry from the collection of these codes, it is

823
00:48:06.960 --> 00:48:10.239
this to lead powerfully, you must lead holy. It's when

824
00:48:10.280 --> 00:48:12.480
you realize that you are on this planet to embody

825
00:48:12.559 --> 00:48:15.199
the whole energy of your whole life, that you rise

826
00:48:15.239 --> 00:48:19.320
toward the only thing you've ever wanted anyway, yourself. And

827
00:48:19.440 --> 00:48:21.679
in these moments, as you rise to claim the most

828
00:48:21.760 --> 00:48:24.880
powerful version of yourself, you show everyone else the way

829
00:48:24.960 --> 00:48:29.880
home to that is so incredibly beautiful. You would you

830
00:48:29.960 --> 00:48:31.320
like to come on that they've coming to that before

831
00:48:31.360 --> 00:48:31.960
we close the show.

832
00:48:33.360 --> 00:48:37.360
I just think that I think the greatest paradox of

833
00:48:38.239 --> 00:48:40.360
our lives and of the planet, if I can speak

834
00:48:40.400 --> 00:48:44.800
that boldly, is we're waiting for the realization. And I'm

835
00:48:44.880 --> 00:48:49.199
so ex I've watched this conversation about mental health unfold

836
00:48:49.320 --> 00:48:51.960
for quite literally forty years, you know, being a child

837
00:48:52.000 --> 00:48:55.159
and a psychologist, I think it's an extraordinary moment where

838
00:48:55.199 --> 00:48:57.719
people are talking about emotions in a different way. At

839
00:48:57.760 --> 00:49:01.440
it too, when we realize that the feelings that we

840
00:49:01.639 --> 00:49:05.440
think are here to torment us are really here to

841
00:49:05.519 --> 00:49:13.320
set us free. In that moment, the world profoundly changes.

842
00:49:14.000 --> 00:49:14.440
It does.

843
00:49:15.119 --> 00:49:18.639
So much conflict is because we think we can't be

844
00:49:19.480 --> 00:49:24.639
what we all ready are. Why would a nervous system

845
00:49:24.960 --> 00:49:28.880
over one hundred and fifty million years of evolution conserve

846
00:49:29.000 --> 00:49:32.880
the ability to feel humiliation, to feel sadness, to feel

847
00:49:32.960 --> 00:49:36.239
grief like it's what it means to be human, and

848
00:49:36.400 --> 00:49:38.480
it's like pretending like I don't have a right arm.

849
00:49:38.840 --> 00:49:39.920
Why right?

850
00:49:40.079 --> 00:49:42.280
We have to close on that note, Doctor de Ganji,

851
00:49:42.480 --> 00:49:44.599
so incredible to know you, to learn from you, to

852
00:49:44.639 --> 00:49:47.239
be inspired, bing and shure with my listeners across the globe.

853
00:49:47.480 --> 00:49:49.000
Thank you for being on working on a purpose.

854
00:49:49.320 --> 00:49:50.639
Thank you so much for having me.

855
00:49:50.719 --> 00:49:54.199
It's been a pleasure absolutely. Listeners and viewers, you're going

856
00:49:54.280 --> 00:49:56.039
to want to learn more about doctor Julie de Ganji

857
00:49:56.280 --> 00:49:58.360
and the work she does at neuro Health Partners, helping

858
00:49:58.360 --> 00:49:59.960
people at work and at home to harness the power

859
00:50:00.119 --> 00:50:03.039
of the brain, beleed more satisfying and emotionally intelligent lives,

860
00:50:03.480 --> 00:50:06.199
and her book, So go to her website. It's doctor

861
00:50:06.280 --> 00:50:08.960
Julia de Ganji. Let me spell that for you d

862
00:50:09.280 --> 00:50:13.039
R j U l I A d I G A

863
00:50:13.320 --> 00:50:17.119
n g I doctor Julia Dganshi dot com. Last week,

864
00:50:17.159 --> 00:50:18.679
if you missed the live show, you can always catch

865
00:50:18.719 --> 00:50:21.800
it be recorded podcast or over where you get your podcast.

866
00:50:21.920 --> 00:50:24.400
We are on your doctor Raj Susodia talking about his

867
00:50:24.599 --> 00:50:28.159
latest book, Awaken, The Path to Purpose, Inner Peace and Healing.

868
00:50:28.639 --> 00:50:30.559
What an honor to have him back on, have him

869
00:50:30.599 --> 00:50:33.480
share so deeply, so openly and vulnerably about his life

870
00:50:33.679 --> 00:50:35.840
and all he went through to become who he is today,

871
00:50:35.920 --> 00:50:38.960
speaking of identity, I dare say you will laugh, cry,

872
00:50:39.000 --> 00:50:40.920
and be inspired by the interview and his book, so

873
00:50:41.480 --> 00:50:44.360
check it out. See you next week for another vitalizing

874
00:50:44.400 --> 00:50:47.039
and uplifting conversation that will help you more meaningfully connect

875
00:50:47.079 --> 00:50:50.159
with your work while providing insight and creating destination workplaces

876
00:50:50.199 --> 00:50:52.000
where people can do the best work of their lives

877
00:50:52.280 --> 00:50:54.320
while becoming the best version of themselves.

878
00:50:54.719 --> 00:50:55.239
See you there.

879
00:50:58.079 --> 00:51:00.679
We hope you've enjoyed this week's program. Be sure to

880
00:51:00.760 --> 00:51:04.400
tune into Working on Purpose featuring your host, doctor Elise Cortes,

881
00:51:04.519 --> 00:51:07.840
each week on W four CY. Together we'll create a

882
00:51:07.880 --> 00:51:12.480
world where business operates conscientiously, leadership inspires and passion performance,

883
00:51:12.599 --> 00:51:15.320
and employees are fulfilled in work that provides the meaning

884
00:51:15.400 --> 00:51:19.159
and purpose they crave. See you there, Let's Work on Purpose.