Sept. 23, 2025

From Tormentors to Teachers: Transforming Life’s Hardest Questions

From Tormentors to Teachers: Transforming Life’s Hardest Questions
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Uncertainty can feel exhausting, even paralyzing. Yet within our hardest questions lies the potential for clarity, resilience, and meaning. In this conversation, Elizabeth Weingarten guides us through four categories of questions that shift how we see ourselves and the world. Instead of chasing quick answers, we can learn to embrace questions as catalysts for growth, connection, and purpose.

Working on Purpose is broadcast live Tuesdays at 6PM ET and Music on W4CY Radio (www.w4cy.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). Working on Purpose is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).

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WEBVTT

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The topics and opinions express in the following show are

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solely those of the hosts and their guests and not

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those of W FOURCY Radio. It's employees are affiliates. We

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make no recommendations or endorsements for radio show programs, services,

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or products mentioned on air or on our web. No

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Radio or it's employees are affiliates. Any questions or comments

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choosing W FOURCY Radio.

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What's working on Purpose? Anyway? Each week we ponder the

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answer to this question. People ache for meaning and purpose

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at work, to contribute their talents passionately and know their

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lives really matter. They crave being part of an organization

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that inspires them and helps them grow into realizing their

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highest potential. Business can be such a force for good

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in the world, elevating humanity. In our program, we provide

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guidance and inspiration to help usher in this world we

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all want working on Purpose. Now here's your host, doctor

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Elise Cortez.

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Welcome back to the Working in a Purpose program, which

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has been brought to you with passionateurprice since February of

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twenty fifteen NICs for Tornadian this week. Great to have you.

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I'm your host, doctor Relie Cortez. If we've not met

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before and you don't know me, I'm a workforce advisor,

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organizational psychologist, management consultant, logo therapist, speaker and author. My

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team and I at Gusto Now help companies enliven and

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fortify their operations by building a dynamic, high performance culture,

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inspirational leadership, and nurturing managers activated by meaning and purpose.

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Many organizations are not aware of how critical it is

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to invest in developing their leaders and managers not just

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for their own effectiveness, but also to avoid burnout and

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keep them fulfilled. And also that they can also measure

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and monitor the purpose experience in their organization to keep

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it working as an operational imperative. And did you know

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that inspired employees in purpose led companies outperform their satisfied

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peers by a factor of two point twenty five to one.

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In other words, inspiration and purpose are good for the

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bottom line. You can learn more about us now. We

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can work together at gusto dashnow dot com or my

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personal site at least Coortes dot com. Getting in today's program.

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We have with us today Elizabeth Weingarden. She is a

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journalist and applied behaviors to works at the intersection of

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Sytown through new book Following on Questions, A New way

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to thrive in today's in Times of Uncertainty, which we'll

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be talking about today. She joins us from San Francisco.

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Elizabeth A hearty welcome to Working on Purpose.

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Thank you so much for having me. I'm very excited

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to be here.

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You're so welcome. I'm so glad that you were findable

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on LinkedIn. When I reached out to you as we

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were talking before we got on air, you and I

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were engaging over a post about Jeff Wetsler, who had

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had in my program earlier talking about his book relative

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to seeking inquiry and feedback from others. And when I

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saw your profile and the book that you've written, I

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was like, you gotta come.

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On, and you said yes, you know. I love that

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we were able to connect on LinkedIn, and I also

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love that there's this growing community of people who are

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so passionate about questions and curiosity as tool to help

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us all leave more meaningful lives and filled with purpose.

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I agree and let's just show our viewers who are

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tuning in, look at this beautiful thing you put into

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the world. Isn't it gorgeous?

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Thank you? I appreciate that we went back and forth

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on the cover quite a bit, but I like where

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we ended up.

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I understand the cover is is one of the hardest choices.

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Forget the whole book, just it's the cover totally. And

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by the way, let me just say something. You know

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obvious here your subtitle is about uncertainty.

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What uncertainty are you're talking about?

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We could possibly be talking about today's times.

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Oh, we live in the most predictable certain worlds. Ever,

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I don't think anybody no, it's so funny. I didn't

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when I started writing this book. I could never have

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anticipated how much uncertainty would grow to the extent that

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it has been and was when this book came out

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on this past spring. But you know, I very much

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wanted this book to be a a guide for people

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who are finding themselves feeling stuck in uncertainty. And we

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can talk about that a little bit more. But the

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definition that I begin the book with is like, what

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is uncertainty? Right? We talk about uncertainty all the time,

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but uncertainty, as I bring in this definition from a

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couple of psychologists, is a sense of doubt that stops

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or delays progress in action. So it's really that feeling

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of I don't have the answers, I don't know what's

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going on, and I feel like I can't move forward.

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And so the question is how do we actually move

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forward when we don't have all the answers in our lives?

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Yeah? Yeah, I thought it was really beautiful how you

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talked about that, and I want to get to more

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of Well, let me just situate a couple things that

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One thing in particular that I got out of that

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particular aspect of it is that you said that research

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suggests that we tend to exploit options that are familiar

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to us rather than exploring new choices, even though the

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best choice is generally to alternate between exploiting what's familiar

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and exploring what's new. I think that's really that's key

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that you are situating throughout your book, this notion that

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we tend to harken back to what's familiar or already

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known about us. I think that's a really important thing

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that we need to fire it out for this conversation.

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Yeah, I think that's right, and I think that in

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times of uncertainty, there's this tendency to be afraid of

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the unknown. Right. And we can talk about this a

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little bit more, but we're wired as humans to want

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to avoid uncertainty and seek certainty, seek the known at

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any cost, and part of that is how we evolve

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evolutionarily speaking. It takes more, it takes more energy for

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us to deal with uncertainty, and when food was scarce,

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we were evolving to try to make do with less

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energy intensive activities, less food, right. So we're really trying

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still in our modern age, to try to avoid any

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activities that make us spend more energy than we need to.

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So we're trying to seek what's known and seek what's certain.

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But when we do that, we end up cutting ourselves

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off from possibilities, from different kind of ways of being

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in the world. That could end up, you know, leading

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us to really kind of exciting futures. But it's understandable

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we kind of have this, We have this desire to

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cling to the known and too the certain, and we

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end up making a lot of fear based decisions based

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on that versus decisions based on curiosity and that desire

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to explore.

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Yes, for sure. One of the things I always find

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fascinating is where these ideas come from. You know, over

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the ten and a half years I've been hosting this podcast,

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I've talked to so many authors in that time, right,

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And so a book comes from somewhere, And of course

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I read your book, so I know where yours came from.

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But our listeners and viewers who haven't yet maybe pick

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it up, don't. So let's in this early part of

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our conversation talk about how this book came to be

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and what you were going through to try to learn

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and grapple with what you were dealing with at the time.

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That help you get acquainted with this notion of relation

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too uncertainty the way that you do now.

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Yeah. Absolutely, So this book really emerged during a time

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in my life when I was buckling under really heavy questions.

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And this was actually during the pandemic, and so a

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very I'm sure nobody else was dealing with uncertainty at

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that life, right the the time when everybody was probably

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asking some big questions. For me, the questions were about

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my marriage and about my career. And so I'll give

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you all a little bit of context. I had been

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in a relationship for several years at that point, but

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we had recently gotten married kind of we were a

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few months in to the marriage. I had long kind

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of felt this kind of pushing pull in my relationship.

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I felt pulled to my husband because there were so

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many ways that he challenged me that the relationship was

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kind of helping me become a better person. I loved him,

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you know, passionately, and at the same time, we were

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very different people, and so there was a lot of

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friction in the relationship too. And so I had always

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kind of felt equal parts love and doubt and this

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question of is this the right person for me should

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be together? And I was asking this question a few

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months after we got married, and it was getting louder

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because of some factors that I talk a little bit

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about in the book. So I'm holding onto this question of,

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you know, should we get a divorce? And for anybody

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that's ever had that question, it's a very scary, heavy

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question to be dealing with. It can feel very lonely,

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it can feel very isolating. So that's question number one.

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Question number two. I had also recently left a job

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to pursue a creative project that was really meaningful to me,

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and I was at this point I had been working

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on it for many months, and I had just been

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told by somebody who I was working with on this

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project that the direction that I had sunk all of

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this time and energy into was not working. And so

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I met this crossroads in my relationship. I met this

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crossroads in my career where all of a sudden, this

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thing that I thought was going to be my next

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big break, my next big project, that's not working out,

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and so I'm wondering what am I doing with my life?

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And I at that point was feeling kind of rather

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desperate to find some answers to these questions. And the

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advice that I kept finding again and again in self

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help and pop psychology books was just to kind of quote,

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embrace uncertainty. And I'm sure if you've heard that advice before,

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but perhaps that will sound familiar. It's everywhere, and to me,

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when I read things telling me to embrace uncertainty, it

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felt so unhelpful because I think sometimes in life, sure

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we want to embrace uncertainty. Right, Maybe your family is

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planning a surprise for your birthday. Great that's fun uncertainty.

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I'm happy to embrace that. But for me, the uncertainty

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in my life felt so painful and so scary that

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it wasn't something that I wanted to embrace, and it

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almost felt like this form of kind of toxic positivity. So,

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you know, it was around that time that, luckily, I

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discovered a much older book that for me contained what

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was much better, if not more challenging advice. And that

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book was Letters to a Young Poet. And for those

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who aren't familiar with this book, it's a book of

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correspondence between the Austrian poet Rainier and Maria Wilka and

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a nineteen year old aspiring poet by the name of

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Franz Cappus. And it's from the early twentieth century. And

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it's a book that counts people like Lady Gaga, Dustin Hoffman,

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Marilyn Monroe among its fans. And I learned in writing

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this book actually that Lady Gagat even has a line

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from it tattooed on her, so it has has quite

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an interesting kind of modern history too. So the whole

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book is beautiful, but I was really struck by one

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part of it, in particular, and that's part where Cappus

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is asking Rilka for all kinds of advice, not only

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about how to become a poet, but also how to

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live his life. And you know, of course, if you

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know a nineteen year old, you know that they're full

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of questions, right, But at the end of the day,

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Franz Cappus could be any of us. We're all asking

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questions at any point in our life. But what makes

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this book so remarkable is that Rilka famously responds not

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with an answer to Cappus per se, but by telling

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him how important it is to quote love the questions

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themselves if they were locked rooms or books written in

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a foreign language. And he advises Cappus to not search

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for the answers now and talks about the importance of

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living the questions. But of course Rilka never explained what

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he meant by living the questions now or how to

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think about loving the questions, And he also wasn't thinking

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about really how to do this in a time of

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AI and Google and smartphones and social media influencers. So

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the book is really an exploration of, you know, how

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do we fall in love with the questions of our lives,

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particularly the ones that can be really painful, and especially

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in a culture in which so many of us have

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become addicted to fast, easy answers.

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M okay. So I get delighted when my authors that

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come on my podcast do something like you did in

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your book. Or you've taken what you've did that that

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that piece of work, and you've now and you threw it,

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strown it through your whole entire books, so that every

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chapter really starts with a snippet from some of that correspondence.

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It's delicious, Elizabeth, It's just delicious. So I really like

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how you brought us in and then how you used

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that text to teach from, to illuminate with and some

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of the pros is just delightful. So I just want

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to say that while we while we talked about while

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we're on this subject, you did mention that the bit

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about smartphones, and I was really captivated with what you

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wrote in the book that you reference someone in Carlton

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who I think might be a researcher and how they

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became very curious about the widespread smartphone use and how

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it might be influencing our collective capacity to tolerate uncertainty.

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And he doesn't draw a direct correlation. But it's quite

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an interesting idea if in fact, you know this idea

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that we can always look at our phone really quickly

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look anything up that would it would certainly it wouldn't

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be surprising to me that that would actually contribute to

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our inability or our unwillingness to want to embrace uncertainty,

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can you say a bit more?

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Absolutely so, if we think about our tolerance for uncertainty

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as a muscle, right, you can think about, you know,

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if you're if you're going to the gym once a

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month or once a year, you're not going to think

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of yourself as somebody that is, you know, really strengthening

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your muscles and really fit, versus if you're somebody that

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is maybe doing some kind of strength, strength training or

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exercise is multiple times a week. And so the same

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goes with really figuring out how to increase that tolerance

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for uncertainty. Tolerance for uncertainty, as I mentioned earlier, is

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not something that comes naturally to us as humans. It's difficult,

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and so the idea is how do we build up

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that strength and that tolerance. And so the point that

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Carlton Nicholas Carlton, who is a psychology professor at the

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University of Regina and Canada. His research is really interesting

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because it suggests that we're losing all of these opportunities

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to strengthen that uncertainty tolerance muscle every time we do

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little things during the day. So, for instance, you're about

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to go to a new restaurant. If you're like me,

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you immediately google the menu, right, And there's nothing inherently

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wrong with that. It's fun to check it out. But

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the point is that there are lots of little opportunities

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to kind of sit with the discomfort of on certainty

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and kind of be with whatever emotions you're feeling in

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that moment. And so whether it's you know what, I'm

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just going to wait and see what the menu is

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when I get there, or I'm traveling to a new city,

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I'm not going to map out everything I'm doing every day.

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I'm going to wander around and see what I find.

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And maybe it's not. Maybe every day isn't this kind

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of optimized version of travel, But that's okay, that's kind

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of I'm leaning into that uncertainty and the unpredictability of life.

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So I think his point, you know, is, I've found

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it really interesting and kind of trying to think about

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how do I build some of those moments into my

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day to day life so that when I'm dealing with

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these bigger life uncertainties, I have a foundation from which

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to kind of draw more strength to deal with some

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of that kind of bigger picture uncertainty.

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I love that. Let's build our uncertainty muscles. Shall we

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on that note? Let's grab our first break. I'm your host,

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Doctor e Release Cortes. We're in the air with Elizabeth Weiningarden,

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who is a journalist and applied behavioral scientists who works

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at the intersection of science and storytelling. We've been talking

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about where this book came from, why is navigating uncertainty

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so powerful and opportunistic for us? After the break, we're

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going to do a quick dive into what does a

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life of loving questions look like and talk about the

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four ways that Elizabeth encourages us to embrace questions for

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different kinds of questions. We'll be right back.

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Doctor Elise Cortez is a management consultant specializing in meaning

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and purpose. An inspirational speaker and author, she helps companies

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visioneer for a greater purpose among stakeholders and develop purpose

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and inspired leadership and meaning infuse cultures that elevate fulfillment,

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performance and commitment within the workforce. To learn more or

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to invite a lease to speak to your organization, please

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visit her at elisecortes dot com. Let's talk about how

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to get your employees working on purpose. This is working

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on Purpose with doctor Elise Cortes. To reach our program

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today or to open a conversation with Elise, send an

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email to a lease a Lise at eliscortes dot com.

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Now back to working on purpose.

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Thanks foresting with us, and welcome back to working on Purpose.

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I'm your host, doctor Elise Cortes, as I am dedicated

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to helping create a world where organizations thrive because their

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people thrive are led by inspirational leaders that help them

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find and contribute their greatness, and we do business that

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betters the world. I keep researching and writing my own books.

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So one of my latest came out is called The

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Great Revitalization. How activating meaning and purpose can radically enliven

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your business. And I wanted to help leaders understand today's

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discerning and diverse workforce. What do they want to need

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to give their best and want to stay, and then

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I give you twenty two best practices to equip you

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to provide that and do your culture so they will.

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You can find my books on Amazon or my website

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at least quortest dot com if you are just joining us.

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My guest is Elizabeth Weingarten, the author of How To

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Fall in Love With Questions, A New Way to Thrive

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in Times of Uncertainty. So before we dive back into

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what we were talking about, I want to share with

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you briefly because I think you'll appreciate that given what

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you share. Just before went on break, I had a

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gentleman on named David Pearl on my podcast some time ago,

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and he runs an organization called Street Wisdom, and essentially

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that he's in the UK, but they do these things

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all over the world. They do walk shops or people

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literally might have a question on their mind and then

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they're sort of ushered into this mental space of being

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able to enjoy and fall into the moment. And then

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they are released into the city and they do a

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kind of a you know, they walk through a city

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and they might just notice what the city is telling

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them is. They walk through and sometimes they get some

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new insights or a new way of looking at things,

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et cetera. It's really quite delightful. So I just wanted

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to share that because I thought you might really jam

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on that idea.

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I love that. I mean, I think and we can

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get to this in a little bit. But one of

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the reasons I love kind of this practice of developing

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a greater awareness of the question that you're asking in

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your life, and I talk in the book about developing

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a question's practice is because I think questions can act

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as really powerful filters for the world. Right when you

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become aware of a question that you're asking, to your

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point at least, it really helps to filter in what

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are some of the possible kind of answers and insights

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that you may not have been aware of without kind

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of bringing that awareness first to the big question that

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you're asking.

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And on that note, now it's a good time for

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us to talk about those four different kinds of questions

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or ways you help us relate to questions Like parts

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of fruit tree. That's just so creative. So let's talk

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about the four different kinds of questions. Yeah.

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Absolutely so. When I first started writing the book and

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I would talk to people about it, they'd be like, okay,

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so what type of questions are we talking about?

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Right? Like?

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Are we talking about what's for dinner? You know, how

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can I be happy? So, of course there are lots

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of different types of questions in the world, and when

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we talk about developing a different relationship to our questions

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so that we can then have a different relationship to uncertainty,

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it helps to really know what type of question are

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we asking. And when I go through this framework, I

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think keep in mind if you're somebody that's asking a

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question right now, knowing what type of question you're asking

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can help you understand your expectations for that question. And

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what I mean by that is how much should you

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be waiting around for an answer to that question? Is

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it time to let that question go? So let me

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kind of start with the first part of this four

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part fruit tree. So the first type of question is

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a peach question, and like a peach these are the

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types of questions that ripen rather quickly into an answer. Right,

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So it's a question like will I get the job,

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You're going to know pretty quickly the answer to that question.

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So that's your peach style question. The second style question

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is a paw paw style question, and so powpaw frute

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I learned while reporting this book it takes the pawpaw

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tree sometimes five to seven years to actually grow the

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poppaf fruit. So these are questions that are a little

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bit longer term, but they are questions that you're still

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ultimately going to get the answer to. So maybe it's

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a question like, you know, am I going to find

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fulfillment and satisfaction in this career change that I'm making.

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So the third type of question is the heartwood question.

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And heartwood is the part of the tree that actually

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stays with the tree for its entire life. It's the

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core of the tree. The bark grows around the heartwood

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in circles. And so you can think about your heartwood

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questions as the questions that they stay with you over

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the course of your life. They evolve as you evolve.

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And so these are the questions like who am I?

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Who am I becoming? How do I live a life

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of meaning in purpose? These are the questions that aren't

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ever answerable in a permanent way. Right, maybe you have

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an answer at one time in your life, but at

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a different time you reopen the question and you explore

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it anew The fourth type of question is a deadly

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and this is the type of question that maybe at

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one point it served a purpose, it no longer serves

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a purpose in your life. It is a question to

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let go of. And these are the questions in our

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lives that are really kind of keeping us stuck in

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patterns of rumination and regret. Questions about you know, why

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didn't I break up with this person? What if I

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had just taken that other career path, the kind of

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what if should have all of that language that is,

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you know, fundamentally not moving you forward into a new place.

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It's keeping you stuck in the past, in a place

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where you're not growing. So those are you know, that's

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kind of the gist of the types of questions. And

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I think as you kind of move into a question's

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practice and kind of becoming a little bit more aware

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of your questions, it can really help to have that

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deeper understanding of kind of what type of question am

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I asking and what can I expect from that question?

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I think it's very powerful and just having even just

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that ability to segment questions like that, and then also

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to your point, recognizing, I know from me I've gone

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through periods in my life when I spend way too

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much time in the dead leaves variety, way too much time.

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Right, I think you're similar to so many people, right,

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I think there are often so many kind of dead

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leaves wrestling around, you know, in there. But I'm curious

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to hear you know, do you have a like a

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paw paw or a heartwood question that's been on your

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mind in this moment?

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Well, I would say the heartwood question for me is

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always unfolding. So I am a person who has I

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have stepped on to the path of purpose, right, I

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mean this has been a chosen, intentional path, and it

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hasn't necessarily been an easy path. It's not necessarily convenient

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to live your purpose per se. You have to be

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obedient to it if you're going to really answer it,

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and there's a lot of other ways to live life.

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I would say, in an easier fashion, what then to

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really pursue and give yourself over to purpose? So I

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would say that I do question, you know, how is

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this going to unfold? For me? It has continued to unfold.

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And I never would have imagined, Elizabeth some ten years

460
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ago that I would have five books out and that

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we would have stood up the Gusto Now Academy, which

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has nine different learning communities to it. I never would

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have imagined we would have done that. And yet I

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know there is so much more beyond this, but I

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don't know what it is. And I'm okay with that.

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I'm okay with the uncertainty. But it's a sort of

467
00:24:58.680 --> 00:25:02.680
like giving myself a over to that open space that

468
00:25:02.880 --> 00:25:05.200
is part of my dance with life when I'm learning

469
00:25:05.240 --> 00:25:05.680
as well.

470
00:25:07.559 --> 00:25:09.920
You know, it reminds me. One of the stories that

471
00:25:09.960 --> 00:25:13.039
I tell in the book is about the educator and

472
00:25:13.079 --> 00:25:17.880
activist Parker Palmer, who who very much. He's written many

473
00:25:18.079 --> 00:25:21.680
best selling beautiful books, one called Let Your Life Speak,

474
00:25:22.480 --> 00:25:25.200
and it's you know, at the at the core, so

475
00:25:25.319 --> 00:25:29.119
much of what he writes and talks about is, you know,

476
00:25:29.200 --> 00:25:32.680
staying true to what you know. He describes in his

477
00:25:32.799 --> 00:25:36.240
work the things that you can't not do yes, yes, yes, yes,

478
00:25:36.279 --> 00:25:38.559
And and I think I hear that and what you're

479
00:25:38.640 --> 00:25:42.400
saying just kind of you know, acknowledging, Hey, there's this

480
00:25:42.680 --> 00:25:45.240
other path over here that would probably be a lot

481
00:25:45.279 --> 00:25:47.599
easier for me, but then there's this other work and

482
00:25:47.640 --> 00:25:50.000
I can't not do it. And he jokes he knows

483
00:25:50.039 --> 00:25:52.640
it's a double negative, but it's the truest way for

484
00:25:52.759 --> 00:25:55.240
him to say it, right, I say, I use that

485
00:25:55.279 --> 00:25:56.240
exact phrase all the time.

486
00:25:56.240 --> 00:25:58.200
What can you not not do? Yeah? You know, And

487
00:25:58.599 --> 00:26:01.119
so that's really powerful. So thank you for letting me,

488
00:26:01.599 --> 00:26:03.759
for indulging me into this, because this is a big

489
00:26:03.799 --> 00:26:06.279
reason why I keep doing this podcast, Elizabeth, is because

490
00:26:06.759 --> 00:26:10.000
it is a catalyzing agent for me, because I read

491
00:26:10.000 --> 00:26:11.680
my guest books cover to cover every week, and then

492
00:26:11.720 --> 00:26:15.160
we write a newsletter article next and the following week

493
00:26:15.200 --> 00:26:17.839
about it. To apply the concepts. I mean, this stuff

494
00:26:17.880 --> 00:26:18.480
works in me.

495
00:26:19.279 --> 00:26:20.000
I seek it.

496
00:26:20.039 --> 00:26:22.279
You know this is this is not something that you know.

497
00:26:22.319 --> 00:26:26.200
I don't audit this experience. So thank you for letting me. Also,

498
00:26:26.440 --> 00:26:29.000
you know, swim in the questions too. And speaking of

499
00:26:29.720 --> 00:26:32.160
Parker Palmer, and I do have a couple of his books.

500
00:26:33.279 --> 00:26:37.400
You do reference him and Rockwell and Jamati. But I

501
00:26:37.440 --> 00:26:39.680
want to situate for our listeners and viewers, what does

502
00:26:39.720 --> 00:26:42.640
a life of loving questions look like or what might

503
00:26:42.680 --> 00:26:44.960
it look like for people give us give them a

504
00:26:44.960 --> 00:26:47.480
bit of a promise or what that what that could be?

505
00:26:47.920 --> 00:26:50.880
Yeah? Absolutely, so I should say the whole kind of

506
00:26:51.000 --> 00:26:54.240
second part of the book is really devoted to exploring,

507
00:26:54.400 --> 00:26:57.640
through both science and story, what this can look like.

508
00:26:58.079 --> 00:27:01.160
It was really important to me to not just kind

509
00:27:01.200 --> 00:27:04.759
of provide here's the five steps to doing this right,

510
00:27:04.839 --> 00:27:09.920
but to really look at the lives of real people

511
00:27:10.039 --> 00:27:16.119
who have really tried to organize their kind of thinking

512
00:27:16.200 --> 00:27:20.359
and their actions and behavior around this idea of loving

513
00:27:20.359 --> 00:27:25.079
the questions. And I think you know one way to

514
00:27:25.519 --> 00:27:28.440
think about this. And something that I observed and really

515
00:27:28.480 --> 00:27:31.599
almost everybody that I talked to, is that a life

516
00:27:31.640 --> 00:27:34.920
spent kind of loving and living your questions is a

517
00:27:34.960 --> 00:27:38.359
life when you are kind of continuously being led back

518
00:27:38.440 --> 00:27:42.200
to yourself and your relationship with yourself. And something that

519
00:27:42.279 --> 00:27:45.319
I found in the book is that a relationship, our

520
00:27:45.359 --> 00:27:48.599
relationship to uncertainty is actually really just a reflection of

521
00:27:48.640 --> 00:27:52.880
our relationship to ourselves. And so people who are kind

522
00:27:52.880 --> 00:27:56.200
of spending their lives really kind of focused on this

523
00:27:56.319 --> 00:27:59.960
deeper exploration of questions, bringing deeper awareness to the question

524
00:28:00.200 --> 00:28:02.920
in their lives. And again, I we can talk about

525
00:28:02.920 --> 00:28:06.039
this maybe later. I have a whole kind of approach.

526
00:28:06.319 --> 00:28:08.960
What I talk about is a questions practice, kind of

527
00:28:09.000 --> 00:28:12.960
a guided way of getting into that yourself. But what

528
00:28:13.039 --> 00:28:15.559
you find from people that are that are kind of

529
00:28:15.680 --> 00:28:19.200
using questions, they're using them as kind of an internal

530
00:28:19.240 --> 00:28:23.200
GPS or an internal compass, kind of leading them back

531
00:28:23.279 --> 00:28:26.400
to what do I really want? Who do I really

532
00:28:26.440 --> 00:28:30.160
want to be? And and you can see this in

533
00:28:30.279 --> 00:28:35.559
Parker Palmer's story. He was somebody who grew up kind

534
00:28:35.599 --> 00:28:38.039
of as the Golden Boy, as he describes it. He

535
00:28:38.240 --> 00:28:41.519
you know, he people kind of had a lot of

536
00:28:41.559 --> 00:28:45.440
expectations for him, who he should be, what success looked

537
00:28:45.519 --> 00:28:49.079
like for him. And as he kind of went further

538
00:28:49.160 --> 00:28:52.359
and further in his academics in his career, he started

539
00:28:52.359 --> 00:28:56.640
to feel like those expectations we were sitting heavy on

540
00:28:56.680 --> 00:28:59.240
his shoulders and that they just weren't right for him.

541
00:28:59.319 --> 00:29:02.240
That he was feeling called to go on a very

542
00:29:02.240 --> 00:29:04.640
different path, a path that he kind of often describes

543
00:29:04.640 --> 00:29:09.200
as going into the into the woods and ended up,

544
00:29:10.079 --> 00:29:12.799
you know, instead of going down this path of being

545
00:29:13.039 --> 00:29:19.240
an academic at a prestigious academic institution, he ends up first, uh,

546
00:29:19.400 --> 00:29:23.680
you know, becoming uh uh, taking some time at a

547
00:29:23.680 --> 00:29:27.680
at a Quaker organization kind of learning all of the

548
00:29:28.880 --> 00:29:33.359
uh kind of traditions of this like Quaker community, spending

549
00:29:33.400 --> 00:29:36.799
many years there in this kind of educational community and

550
00:29:36.880 --> 00:29:40.960
ultimately becoming a writer and educator and activist who has

551
00:29:41.119 --> 00:29:44.599
moved and inspired you know, millions of people around the world.

552
00:29:45.200 --> 00:29:48.519
And uh, but he writes about how and he talked

553
00:29:48.559 --> 00:29:52.000
to me about how difficult this was at many stages

554
00:29:52.039 --> 00:29:55.799
of his life, but that ultimately it was these big

555
00:29:55.920 --> 00:30:00.440
questions that were foundational to him continuously finding hi way

556
00:30:00.480 --> 00:30:04.839
back to himself what he wanted apart from the shoulds right,

557
00:30:04.960 --> 00:30:07.440
who we should be on what we should want to do.

558
00:30:08.279 --> 00:30:11.319
But and this relates to I think a really key

559
00:30:11.400 --> 00:30:15.640
part of having a questions practice, which is asking yourself.

560
00:30:15.920 --> 00:30:18.279
You know, am I asking the right questions in my life?

561
00:30:18.559 --> 00:30:20.599
And we can perhaps talk about that a little bit more,

562
00:30:20.640 --> 00:30:24.279
but I'd say that's really one of the central parts

563
00:30:24.400 --> 00:30:29.279
of living a life of of and being inspired by

564
00:30:29.279 --> 00:30:29.920
your questions.

565
00:30:31.599 --> 00:30:35.160
And one more thing to situate that into my world

566
00:30:35.160 --> 00:30:37.799
because really, so much of what I've cared about in

567
00:30:37.799 --> 00:30:41.119
my practice as an organizational psychologist and working in organizations

568
00:30:41.160 --> 00:30:45.079
with leadership and development is it is growing people into

569
00:30:45.279 --> 00:30:48.200
their higher potential. And so one of the things that

570
00:30:48.400 --> 00:30:50.559
we've sort of been talking about through this conversation already.

571
00:30:50.559 --> 00:30:53.519
But I want to hit this specifically. You have a

572
00:30:53.519 --> 00:30:55.200
couple of lines in your book that if you could

573
00:30:55.200 --> 00:30:58.079
speak to them that I think are just really, really alluring.

574
00:30:58.160 --> 00:31:00.839
It can help our listeners and viewers maybe change their

575
00:31:00.839 --> 00:31:04.799
relationship to how they're viewing uncertainty, and the lines are

576
00:31:05.160 --> 00:31:08.160
as an uncertainty. As uncertainty amplifies who we are, it

577
00:31:08.200 --> 00:31:11.720
can also reveal parts of us that before before we've

578
00:31:11.759 --> 00:31:15.240
been able to ignore or suppress or deny. At least

579
00:31:15.240 --> 00:31:18.359
for me, that's you. A big part of what's uncomfortable

580
00:31:18.359 --> 00:31:22.119
about living with uncertainty results from resisting this revolution and

581
00:31:22.160 --> 00:31:25.880
clinging to an old identity or way of being. I

582
00:31:25.920 --> 00:31:29.279
think that's really powerful. And when we help our listeners

583
00:31:29.519 --> 00:31:33.240
and viewers recognize that, when we don't allow ourselves to

584
00:31:33.279 --> 00:31:35.960
relate to uncertainty in a more open fashion, that we

585
00:31:36.039 --> 00:31:39.279
are resisting our own growth, and I think that's really powerful.

586
00:31:39.960 --> 00:31:42.920
That's exactly right. You hit it on the head. The

587
00:31:44.720 --> 00:31:48.680
fundamentally loving your questions is about embracing your own growth

588
00:31:49.279 --> 00:31:52.279
and embracing the fact that it can be really hard

589
00:31:52.319 --> 00:31:55.119
and scary. The paths of growth, can you know, is

590
00:31:55.200 --> 00:31:57.880
not an easy one, but ultimately it can be one

591
00:31:57.880 --> 00:32:01.400
of the most fulfilling and rewarding ones. And I think

592
00:32:01.440 --> 00:32:03.759
about this when I think also about kind of going

593
00:32:03.799 --> 00:32:07.200
back to Rilka, this poet you know, who inspired the

594
00:32:07.200 --> 00:32:12.480
book largely. Rilka has a very nuanced take on love,

595
00:32:13.039 --> 00:32:16.559
and he writes about love as the most difficult task

596
00:32:16.799 --> 00:32:19.599
that we undertake in our lives and yet the most

597
00:32:19.640 --> 00:32:22.799
rewarding one. Right, So it's far from this kind of

598
00:32:22.839 --> 00:32:28.720
toxic positivity of embrace uncertainty, loving the questions really acknowledges that,

599
00:32:29.000 --> 00:32:31.480
you know, when we're in relationship with these questions of

600
00:32:31.559 --> 00:32:35.160
our lives, some days we're going to love that experience

601
00:32:35.799 --> 00:32:37.920
and want to give it a hug, and other days

602
00:32:38.039 --> 00:32:40.799
we're going to, you know, really feel frustrated and fed

603
00:32:40.920 --> 00:32:43.200
up with it, just the way you would with any

604
00:32:43.319 --> 00:32:46.519
relationship that you have, right, anybody that has a long

605
00:32:46.640 --> 00:32:50.039
term partner or friend, or anybody that you've been connected

606
00:32:50.039 --> 00:32:52.680
with for a long time. There are days when you

607
00:32:52.759 --> 00:32:55.039
feel so connected to that person, in days when you

608
00:32:55.119 --> 00:32:57.200
have no idea who that person is. And so I

609
00:32:57.200 --> 00:33:00.400
think the same thing goes on this path to kind

610
00:33:00.400 --> 00:33:03.720
of growth and self discovery. Days when it feels really

611
00:33:03.799 --> 00:33:06.240
right and days when it's really really difficult and that's

612
00:33:06.279 --> 00:33:08.799
all part of it. And you know, I think that

613
00:33:09.000 --> 00:33:15.039
is that is ultimately the I think you're you're absolutely

614
00:33:15.079 --> 00:33:17.599
right when you talk about kind of the way that

615
00:33:18.839 --> 00:33:22.039
questions are that key to our growth and development. And

616
00:33:22.400 --> 00:33:24.759
if I have time, I can share a story actually

617
00:33:24.759 --> 00:33:26.319
that illustrates that really nicely.

618
00:33:26.839 --> 00:33:28.640
Let's do that really quickly after the break, So hang

619
00:33:28.680 --> 00:33:31.400
on to it and let's grab our last break. I'm

620
00:33:31.400 --> 00:33:33.519
your host, Doctor Release Cortes. We on the air with

621
00:33:33.559 --> 00:33:36.759
Elizabeth Weingarten, who is a journalist and applied behavioral scientists

622
00:33:36.759 --> 00:33:39.599
who works at the intersection of science and storytelling. We've

623
00:33:39.599 --> 00:33:43.119
been talking about the benefits of embracing uncertainty in our

624
00:33:43.160 --> 00:33:46.039
lives and questions in our lives. After the break, we're

625
00:33:46.039 --> 00:33:48.440
going to talk about the opportunity to seek the right

626
00:33:48.480 --> 00:33:52.160
sources to ask about our questions and also embracing patients.

627
00:33:52.279 --> 00:33:53.079
Will be right back.

628
00:34:08.599 --> 00:34:12.159
Doctor Elise Cortes is a management consultant specializing in meaning

629
00:34:12.199 --> 00:34:16.039
and purpose. An inspirational speaker and author, she helps companies

630
00:34:16.119 --> 00:34:19.920
visioneer for greater purpose among stakeholders and develop purpose inspired

631
00:34:20.000 --> 00:34:23.960
leadership and meaning infused cultures that elevate fulfillment, performance, and

632
00:34:24.039 --> 00:34:27.239
commitment within the workforce. To learn more or to invite

633
00:34:27.239 --> 00:34:30.000
a Lease to speak to your organization, please visit her

634
00:34:30.079 --> 00:34:33.320
at elisecortes dot com. Let's talk about how to get

635
00:34:33.360 --> 00:34:42.119
your employees working on purpose. This is Working on Purpose

636
00:34:42.239 --> 00:34:45.519
with doctor Elise Cortes. To reach our program today or

637
00:34:45.559 --> 00:34:48.320
to open a conversation with Elise, send an email to

638
00:34:48.400 --> 00:34:53.800
Elise A. L Se at elisecortes dot com. Now back

639
00:34:53.840 --> 00:34:55.159
to working on Purpose.

640
00:35:00.119 --> 00:35:01.880
Thanks for staying with us, and welcome back to working

641
00:35:01.920 --> 00:35:04.559
on Purpose. I'm your host, doctor re Lea's Cortes. As

642
00:35:04.599 --> 00:35:06.840
you know by now, my program is dedicated to helping

643
00:35:06.880 --> 00:35:09.440
and to empower and inspiring you along your journey to

644
00:35:09.480 --> 00:35:11.760
realize more of your potential. If you want to learn

645
00:35:11.800 --> 00:35:13.559
more about how we can work together and learn about

646
00:35:13.559 --> 00:35:16.840
the custom Now Academy for leaders and individuals on various

647
00:35:16.880 --> 00:35:20.360
journeys alike, make your way to Gusto dashnout dot com

648
00:35:20.679 --> 00:35:22.639
and then navigate to the training tab and you'll find

649
00:35:22.639 --> 00:35:25.519
the academy there. If you aren't just now joining us.

650
00:35:25.519 --> 00:35:27.960
My guest is Elizabeth Weingarten, the author of How To

651
00:35:28.039 --> 00:35:30.280
Fall in Love With Questions, A New Way to Thrive

652
00:35:30.400 --> 00:35:33.840
in Times of uncertainty. So before the break you mentioned

653
00:35:33.880 --> 00:35:38.800
this wonderful five letter word. Did someone say story.

654
00:35:39.079 --> 00:35:43.039
Yes, So we were talking about loving the questions as

655
00:35:43.639 --> 00:35:47.079
and the promise of loving the questions as being helping

656
00:35:47.119 --> 00:35:50.159
you on that path growth and self discovery even when

657
00:35:50.159 --> 00:35:53.719
it feels really difficult. And I really was so inspired

658
00:35:53.719 --> 00:35:55.119
by so many of the stories that I tell in

659
00:35:55.119 --> 00:35:57.719
the book, but one of them in particular, I tell

660
00:35:57.719 --> 00:36:00.960
the story of a woman named Barbara Showen. And Barbara

661
00:36:01.079 --> 00:36:04.760
is somebody who in you know, as she was growing up,

662
00:36:05.360 --> 00:36:09.039
she was in a kind of more of a working

663
00:36:09.079 --> 00:36:14.440
class household, and she describes not having you know, many

664
00:36:14.639 --> 00:36:18.719
educational opportunities. She ended up getting really lucky in that

665
00:36:18.840 --> 00:36:21.800
when she was graduating high school, she got a job

666
00:36:22.679 --> 00:36:25.159
at a firm that offered to pay for her college.

667
00:36:25.559 --> 00:36:29.480
So she gets to go to college. And she works

668
00:36:29.559 --> 00:36:32.960
so hard at this job and in college, and she

669
00:36:33.000 --> 00:36:36.320
starts to just kind of see her own kind of success.

670
00:36:36.360 --> 00:36:39.880
She's moving up the career ladder. She's excited, she's getting

671
00:36:39.920 --> 00:36:44.079
all these opportunities. She becomes this consultant, she's getting to

672
00:36:44.119 --> 00:36:47.880
travel around the world. She's also super active, she loves cycling.

673
00:36:48.000 --> 00:36:50.599
She's living this life that when she was growing up

674
00:36:50.639 --> 00:36:53.760
she never could have imagined. And in the back of

675
00:36:53.800 --> 00:36:56.280
her head, she keeps thinking about the fact that, you

676
00:36:56.280 --> 00:36:59.679
know what, I got all these opportunities I never expected.

677
00:36:59.679 --> 00:37:02.280
I want to give back at some point. But that

678
00:37:02.400 --> 00:37:04.519
voice was kind of a quiet one. She just knew,

679
00:37:04.559 --> 00:37:07.320
you know what, I want to keep moving up the ladder.

680
00:37:07.400 --> 00:37:10.360
This is exciting, and I'll get to that at some point.

681
00:37:10.400 --> 00:37:13.800
I'll get to that giving back idea. And so Barbara,

682
00:37:14.360 --> 00:37:19.679
when she's in her early thirties, she is heading back

683
00:37:19.719 --> 00:37:24.159
from a funeral with her siblings and they're they're in Michigan,

684
00:37:25.039 --> 00:37:29.599
and they're on the road. It's a snowy day, and

685
00:37:30.199 --> 00:37:35.159
she gets into a car accident. Unfortunately, she ends up

686
00:37:35.159 --> 00:37:40.559
being paralyzed, and she in the aftermath of this accident,

687
00:37:41.039 --> 00:37:43.679
she talks about how, of course she's struggling with so

688
00:37:43.800 --> 00:37:47.119
many different questions right, so much uncertainty. It's kind of

689
00:37:47.119 --> 00:37:50.440
hard mind boggling, frankly to imagine all the uncertainty that

690
00:37:50.599 --> 00:37:53.199
kind of can come out of that experience. But something

691
00:37:53.280 --> 00:37:55.519
that she said struck me and I think about it

692
00:37:55.559 --> 00:37:59.199
frankly all the time, which is that amidst all of

693
00:37:59.239 --> 00:38:02.280
this uncertainty and all this kind of fear that she

694
00:38:02.360 --> 00:38:05.280
had about the future, she also felt this sense of relief.

695
00:38:05.800 --> 00:38:08.679
And she talks about the fact that inside of this

696
00:38:08.800 --> 00:38:12.519
uncertainty she felt a sense of freedom. And that's because

697
00:38:12.599 --> 00:38:15.280
in her old life she felt like she didn't have

698
00:38:15.320 --> 00:38:18.440
a choice. She had this one identity that she was building,

699
00:38:18.519 --> 00:38:22.079
She had this one path forward she had to take,

700
00:38:22.119 --> 00:38:24.599
she had to keep climbing up that ladder, and all

701
00:38:24.639 --> 00:38:28.320
of a sudden, she had this opportunity in this you know,

702
00:38:28.480 --> 00:38:33.039
uncertainty and this transformation to stretch into a new identity,

703
00:38:33.119 --> 00:38:36.920
to change who she was and to become more of

704
00:38:36.920 --> 00:38:38.880
the person who you know, that voice in the back

705
00:38:38.920 --> 00:38:41.599
of her head wanted to be that person who was

706
00:38:41.599 --> 00:38:44.119
maybe giving back and who was trying to help other

707
00:38:44.199 --> 00:38:49.039
people find those opportunities. And so it really it's such,

708
00:38:49.199 --> 00:38:51.920
I think, such an important reminder, right that you know,

709
00:38:52.000 --> 00:38:55.800
sometimes we have these experiences, these uncertain experiences that can

710
00:38:55.800 --> 00:38:59.280
feel really scary, that can feel like they're narrowing us

711
00:38:59.320 --> 00:39:02.440
and our possible in life, when in fact we can

712
00:39:02.480 --> 00:39:05.440
also see them as a way of gaining new freedom

713
00:39:05.559 --> 00:39:10.360
and new opportunity to create new identities for ourselves.

714
00:39:10.719 --> 00:39:14.599
That sounds a bit to me like logo therapy that's

715
00:39:14.599 --> 00:39:17.599
doctor Victor Frankel's work, and exister psychology that's one of

716
00:39:18.280 --> 00:39:21.800
my degrees, and it's really about choosing how we relate

717
00:39:21.920 --> 00:39:24.679
to whatever life throws at us. And that's another really

718
00:39:24.679 --> 00:39:27.519
big thing that I love about your work is, you know,

719
00:39:27.599 --> 00:39:30.960
whatever uncertainty comes at us. You know, when you first started,

720
00:39:31.000 --> 00:39:33.239
we were talking about how we tend to be diminished

721
00:39:33.239 --> 00:39:35.559
by that, we tend to shrink by that. But yet

722
00:39:35.599 --> 00:39:37.880
the opportunity is to you know, step into it, to

723
00:39:37.880 --> 00:39:41.000
grow into it, and see what it unfolds or activates

724
00:39:41.000 --> 00:39:43.960
in us, And that's much more empowering. That's a place

725
00:39:44.000 --> 00:39:45.320
that I want to help people get to.

726
00:39:46.480 --> 00:39:49.599
That's exactly right. And I think a theme that runs

727
00:39:49.599 --> 00:39:52.239
throughout the book is, you know, there's so much in

728
00:39:52.280 --> 00:39:54.440
the world that we can't control right now, there's so

729
00:39:54.519 --> 00:39:57.800
much uncertainty around us, and yet when it comes to

730
00:39:58.400 --> 00:40:00.960
the questions that we're asking, when it comes to our

731
00:40:01.039 --> 00:40:04.320
own kind of sense of possibility about the future, we

732
00:40:04.440 --> 00:40:06.840
have some control, right and so the question is how

733
00:40:06.840 --> 00:40:08.880
do we take back some of that control and some

734
00:40:09.000 --> 00:40:10.800
of that agency in our own lives?

735
00:40:10.920 --> 00:40:15.960
M M. That's my love language, Elizabeth. That's right there. Okay, well,

736
00:40:16.039 --> 00:40:18.199
let's just briefly hit on this, because there's just a

737
00:40:18.239 --> 00:40:19.719
couple other things I want to make sure I get

738
00:40:19.760 --> 00:40:21.360
to as well, because I did promise our listeners and

739
00:40:21.400 --> 00:40:23.920
viewers that we would talk about your perspective on the

740
00:40:23.920 --> 00:40:27.000
importance of seeking the right sources to ask our questions too,

741
00:40:27.000 --> 00:40:28.559
if you could address.

742
00:40:28.119 --> 00:40:32.519
That, Yeah, absolutely so, I think we all. One of

743
00:40:32.519 --> 00:40:34.639
the stories that I tell in the book is about

744
00:40:34.639 --> 00:40:37.119
my own experience with astrology.

745
00:40:37.320 --> 00:40:38.039
Yes, I'm not.

746
00:40:37.960 --> 00:40:40.679
Sure how many listeners you know this. It's falls on

747
00:40:40.719 --> 00:40:42.920
a spectrum right between people who are like, yes, I

748
00:40:42.960 --> 00:40:46.079
love astrology and people who, you know, think it's absolutely

749
00:40:46.199 --> 00:40:48.840
ridiculous and they don't subscribe to it at all. And

750
00:40:48.920 --> 00:40:51.440
I would say that I fell somewhere in the middle,

751
00:40:51.519 --> 00:40:55.480
probably closer to the this is ridiculous. And yet what

752
00:40:55.599 --> 00:40:58.760
I describe at the book is I was gifted a

753
00:40:59.199 --> 00:41:02.960
session within arologer for for birthday, and I went to

754
00:41:03.039 --> 00:41:05.880
the astrologer and I asked this astrologer a question about

755
00:41:05.920 --> 00:41:09.480
my relationship. I asked, uh, basically, if I should be

756
00:41:09.639 --> 00:41:13.000
with my you know then then boyfriend now husband, And

757
00:41:13.039 --> 00:41:17.360
the astrologer told me after reading our charts that the

758
00:41:17.400 --> 00:41:19.400
answer was no, that he was not the right fit

759
00:41:19.440 --> 00:41:22.119
for me, and that you know, there was almost no

760
00:41:22.199 --> 00:41:24.079
way that it was going to work out between us,

761
00:41:24.639 --> 00:41:28.400
and and I tell this story, and then I you know,

762
00:41:28.519 --> 00:41:32.719
talked later to another astrologer who was is you know,

763
00:41:33.039 --> 00:41:37.079
very very uh uh different than the original astrologer that

764
00:41:37.119 --> 00:41:41.840
I spoke to, because I had been I think, you know,

765
00:41:41.880 --> 00:41:45.119
when it comes to this question of agency and power, right,

766
00:41:45.639 --> 00:41:48.880
I had this story in my head that I went

767
00:41:48.920 --> 00:41:53.039
to this astrologer. They they told me, you know, this

768
00:41:53.119 --> 00:41:57.719
thing that was upsetting, and I was kind of the victim,

769
00:41:57.920 --> 00:42:01.559
right that I had gotten this bad kind of information,

770
00:42:02.119 --> 00:42:06.000
and they and kind of fall into this trap of

771
00:42:06.039 --> 00:42:10.920
not taking responsibility for these sources that I'm seeking when

772
00:42:10.920 --> 00:42:13.920
it comes to seeking answers. Right. So, something that I

773
00:42:13.960 --> 00:42:16.440
talk about in the book is that it's not it's

774
00:42:16.480 --> 00:42:19.320
not wrong to seek answers to our questions, but the

775
00:42:19.400 --> 00:42:24.199
problem comes when we are seeking the wrong sources as answers.

776
00:42:24.840 --> 00:42:29.519
And in this case, I sought a source, an astrologer,

777
00:42:30.320 --> 00:42:34.440
somebody that I didn't really believe or trust, with an

778
00:42:34.480 --> 00:42:38.199
answer to a question that was really, you know, so

779
00:42:38.280 --> 00:42:41.199
important to me, and so in the same way that

780
00:42:41.360 --> 00:42:44.079
you know, if you have a question about your relationship,

781
00:42:44.400 --> 00:42:46.519
you're probably not going to ask a friend who's been

782
00:42:46.559 --> 00:42:50.800
really unlucky in love. The same goes for these questions

783
00:42:51.039 --> 00:42:54.320
that we're asking, these big kind of heartwood questions, right

784
00:42:54.800 --> 00:42:56.840
and and so, you know, one of the things that

785
00:42:56.880 --> 00:42:58.880
I also talk about is that we're living in this

786
00:42:59.039 --> 00:43:02.559
time where so many of us have become addicted to fast,

787
00:43:02.599 --> 00:43:05.800
easy answers, and these come in the form of you know,

788
00:43:05.880 --> 00:43:09.679
sometimes social media influencers that kind of act like gurus

789
00:43:09.679 --> 00:43:13.679
are experts, right, they have the five steps to anybody

790
00:43:13.719 --> 00:43:18.239
being happier now, right, Or you know, maybe this comes

791
00:43:18.239 --> 00:43:20.000
in the form of AI.

792
00:43:20.239 --> 00:43:20.360
Right.

793
00:43:20.400 --> 00:43:23.639
There are all sorts of ways in which we feel uncomfortable,

794
00:43:24.000 --> 00:43:27.599
we're when we're in a time of uncertainty and we're

795
00:43:27.639 --> 00:43:30.599
just desperate for those answers. And I've absolutely been there.

796
00:43:30.920 --> 00:43:34.400
But I think the bigger point is how can we

797
00:43:34.440 --> 00:43:38.880
take more responsibility for the sources that we're seeking out

798
00:43:39.079 --> 00:43:42.159
when we do feel compelled to find those answers for

799
00:43:42.199 --> 00:43:43.599
these big questions in our lives.

800
00:43:45.400 --> 00:43:47.440
And that brings us to the next bit here, where

801
00:43:47.480 --> 00:43:50.000
I think it can feel like an eternity for us

802
00:43:50.039 --> 00:43:52.960
to try to find the answers to these questions, which

803
00:43:52.960 --> 00:43:54.920
is where our friend patients comes in, and you talk

804
00:43:54.960 --> 00:43:57.880
about the death and rebirth of patients. If you could

805
00:43:57.880 --> 00:43:58.880
briefly address that.

806
00:44:00.159 --> 00:44:04.400
Yeah, so patience is a topic that you know, maybe

807
00:44:04.480 --> 00:44:06.119
some of you are kind of rolling your eyes right

808
00:44:06.119 --> 00:44:09.760
now because it just I have joked with a patient's researcher,

809
00:44:10.000 --> 00:44:14.199
Sarah Schnicker, that patients has a pr problem. Patients is

810
00:44:14.280 --> 00:44:17.360
one of those things that you know, we'd probably all agree, yes,

811
00:44:17.559 --> 00:44:19.760
I could probably stand to be more patient, But do

812
00:44:19.800 --> 00:44:22.400
I want to work on my patients? Like, no, that

813
00:44:22.440 --> 00:44:26.239
doesn't sound very fun. But what I learned is that

814
00:44:26.960 --> 00:44:31.760
Sarah Schnicker, who's a professor at Baylor University in Texas,

815
00:44:32.639 --> 00:44:36.000
she is really kind of the foremost expert on the

816
00:44:36.039 --> 00:44:40.480
science of patients and understanding how cultivating a greater sense

817
00:44:40.519 --> 00:44:44.679
of patience and ourselves is actually key to kind of

818
00:44:44.719 --> 00:44:47.599
finding a greater sense of well being during these times

819
00:44:47.599 --> 00:44:50.760
of uncertainty in our lives, and you know, maybe kind

820
00:44:50.760 --> 00:44:54.800
of intuitively being able to pursue goals that are important

821
00:44:54.800 --> 00:44:57.000
to us even when we feel like we've been kind

822
00:44:57.039 --> 00:45:00.119
of knocked off the tracks. So you know what I

823
00:45:00.159 --> 00:45:02.559
describe in the book, I talk a lot about kind

824
00:45:02.599 --> 00:45:05.480
of the science of patients, but also the history of

825
00:45:05.519 --> 00:45:08.760
patients and the fact that you know, for many years,

826
00:45:09.119 --> 00:45:12.960
the idea of being patient has been has become kind

827
00:45:12.960 --> 00:45:16.280
of anomalist to a failure of our modern world, a

828
00:45:16.280 --> 00:45:19.119
failure of technology. So if we have to be patient,

829
00:45:19.199 --> 00:45:21.639
if we're left kind of waiting for something for longer

830
00:45:21.679 --> 00:45:24.239
than a few seconds, that's a bug, you know, not

831
00:45:24.360 --> 00:45:28.079
a feature of life. And so I think similarly to

832
00:45:28.119 --> 00:45:31.800
this kind of intolerance of certainty, you know, building that muscle,

833
00:45:32.320 --> 00:45:36.119
patience is also a muscle that we can build, and

834
00:45:36.199 --> 00:45:41.039
in doing that, really find that we're able to exist

835
00:45:41.079 --> 00:45:45.599
in these periods of uncertainty and not cling after you know,

836
00:45:45.760 --> 00:45:49.239
these old forms of identity or these fast, easy answers

837
00:45:49.440 --> 00:45:52.079
that ultimately may not actually get us to where we

838
00:45:52.119 --> 00:45:53.719
want to go, which is that kind of path of

839
00:45:53.760 --> 00:45:55.480
growth and self discovery.

840
00:45:56.559 --> 00:45:59.519
That was incredibly rich. Okay, so we were almost through

841
00:45:59.559 --> 00:46:03.840
the show already happen so fast, let's finish by situating

842
00:46:03.840 --> 00:46:06.480
the idea of how listeners and viewers can develop a

843
00:46:06.599 --> 00:46:09.639
questions practice. I love the eighteen point set of questions

844
00:46:09.679 --> 00:46:11.840
that you have in the book, I love that, so

845
00:46:11.880 --> 00:46:13.480
if you can, and we only get like about a

846
00:46:13.519 --> 00:46:14.480
minute and a half to do that.

847
00:46:15.559 --> 00:46:18.599
So the basic idea that I'll share is a questions

848
00:46:18.639 --> 00:46:20.679
practice is just like any other practice you have, a

849
00:46:20.719 --> 00:46:24.039
meditation practice or a yoga practice. The idea is to

850
00:46:24.079 --> 00:46:27.480
bring regular awareness to the questions, to the questions that

851
00:46:27.519 --> 00:46:30.199
you're asking in your life. And the first step of

852
00:46:30.239 --> 00:46:32.320
the practice, and I go into death in the book

853
00:46:32.320 --> 00:46:35.719
on this is kind of approaching some of those big

854
00:46:35.760 --> 00:46:39.800
and sometimes painful questions with more curiosity rather than fear.

855
00:46:40.159 --> 00:46:43.519
And so that means asking questions like is this the

856
00:46:43.599 --> 00:46:45.599
right question? And in the book I talk about how

857
00:46:45.599 --> 00:46:47.960
to know if your question is the right question for you,

858
00:46:48.840 --> 00:46:51.519
and it means really thinking about, if this isn't the

859
00:46:51.599 --> 00:46:54.480
right question, what's a better or different question for me

860
00:46:54.519 --> 00:46:57.440
to ask? And the point of the questions practice is

861
00:46:57.480 --> 00:47:01.239
both to develop that deeper relationship with those big questions

862
00:47:01.280 --> 00:47:03.719
in your lives, in your life and and really to

863
00:47:03.800 --> 00:47:08.280
kind of be able to move forward with clarity and

864
00:47:08.679 --> 00:47:12.239
not necessarily, you know, to find that you're going to

865
00:47:12.280 --> 00:47:15.039
always find answers, but you're still going to be able

866
00:47:15.079 --> 00:47:17.920
to move forward in your life. So it's really about

867
00:47:17.960 --> 00:47:20.920
how do I get unstuck from this period of uncertainty

868
00:47:21.159 --> 00:47:23.639
in my life, even if I don't have answers in

869
00:47:23.679 --> 00:47:24.159
this moment.

870
00:47:25.320 --> 00:47:27.840
I think it's a stunning idea to have to develop

871
00:47:27.960 --> 00:47:32.440
a questions practice, you know, I just think that's terrific. Okay,

872
00:47:32.519 --> 00:47:34.519
So you know, I think by now that the show

873
00:47:34.559 --> 00:47:37.280
has listened to what by the people around the world,

874
00:47:37.320 --> 00:47:40.039
and they really care about developing themselves other than themselves

875
00:47:40.079 --> 00:47:44.079
there themselves as leaders their teams or organizations. What would

876
00:47:44.079 --> 00:47:44.960
you like to leave them with?

877
00:47:46.199 --> 00:47:50.480
You know, I think the biggest thing that I can

878
00:47:50.559 --> 00:47:56.800
leave them with is the importance of using this kind

879
00:47:56.840 --> 00:48:01.079
of questions practice as a tool to not only ask

880
00:48:01.239 --> 00:48:04.400
yourself questions, but to turn it on the world too,

881
00:48:05.039 --> 00:48:08.119
and to use questions as that kind of tool to

882
00:48:08.159 --> 00:48:10.760
connect with yourself, but then to also connect with the

883
00:48:10.760 --> 00:48:15.320
people who are around you, who you love. Questions are

884
00:48:15.519 --> 00:48:18.960
an interpersonal superpower, right, and so I think it's really

885
00:48:19.000 --> 00:48:23.199
thinking about how does the power up questions kind of

886
00:48:23.239 --> 00:48:25.800
help me connect more deeply in all of these ways

887
00:48:25.800 --> 00:48:26.480
in my life.

888
00:48:26.960 --> 00:48:31.639
Okay, So that is eminently quotable. Questions are an interpersonal superpower.

889
00:48:32.280 --> 00:48:34.440
What a way to finish. Elizabeth, thank you so much

890
00:48:34.480 --> 00:48:36.320
for coming on working in purpose, for doing the work

891
00:48:36.360 --> 00:48:38.519
that you're doing, for giving us a beautiful book that

892
00:48:38.519 --> 00:48:41.079
you did, and coming on the program. It's been delightful

893
00:48:41.079 --> 00:48:42.559
to get to know you and to learn from you.

894
00:48:43.320 --> 00:48:45.559
I have so enjoyed our conversation. Thank you so much

895
00:48:45.599 --> 00:48:47.679
for having me and for all of your wonderful questions.

896
00:48:48.119 --> 00:48:50.880
Most welcome listeners and viewers. You are going to want

897
00:48:50.880 --> 00:48:53.440
to learn more about Elizabeth Weingarten, the work that she does,

898
00:48:53.480 --> 00:48:55.639
and the book that she just wrote called How to

899
00:48:55.679 --> 00:48:57.880
Fall in Love with Questions. You can start by visiting

900
00:48:57.920 --> 00:49:01.039
her personal site, which is Elizabeth Winegart dot com. Let

901
00:49:01.039 --> 00:49:04.159
me spell that for you. Elizabeth standard spelling E l

902
00:49:04.239 --> 00:49:07.079
I z A b E t H and Winegarden is

903
00:49:07.280 --> 00:49:10.719
w E I n g A r t e n

904
00:49:11.039 --> 00:49:14.679
so Elizabethwinegarden dot com. Last week, if you missed the

905
00:49:14.719 --> 00:49:17.000
live show, you can always catch it be a recorded podcast.

906
00:49:17.079 --> 00:49:19.760
We were on air with Carolina Lasso talking about her

907
00:49:19.760 --> 00:49:23.599
book The Path to Flourishing Seven Principles for a Joyful, fulfilling,

908
00:49:23.639 --> 00:49:26.960
and Purposeful Life. She is a passionate firecracker of a

909
00:49:27.000 --> 00:49:29.480
woman and you will love her authenticity and lessons shared.

910
00:49:30.280 --> 00:49:32.599
Next week, we'll be on air with Tamar Ryan, former

911
00:49:32.679 --> 00:49:36.400
longtime CEO of the Women's Bean Project, talking about her

912
00:49:36.440 --> 00:49:40.239
book Followship Sixteen Lessons to Become a Leader Worth following.

913
00:49:40.679 --> 00:49:43.119
I'm completely aligned with her message and excited to share

914
00:49:43.119 --> 00:49:45.920
with share it with you. See you then, and together,

915
00:49:46.039 --> 00:49:48.960
let's lean in and learn together how to make workplaces

916
00:49:48.960 --> 00:49:52.440
that work for everyone, build our inspirational leadership capacity, and

917
00:49:52.480 --> 00:49:54.239
find ways to do business in a way that betters

918
00:49:54.239 --> 00:49:55.880
the world. That's work on Purpose.

919
00:49:59.519 --> 00:50:02.159
We hope you enjoyed this week's program. Be sure to

920
00:50:02.199 --> 00:50:05.880
tune into Working on Purpose featuring your host, doctor Elise Cortes,

921
00:50:06.000 --> 00:50:09.320
each week on W four CY. Together, we'll create a

922
00:50:09.360 --> 00:50:13.960
world where business operates conscientiously, Leadership inspires and passion performance,

923
00:50:14.079 --> 00:50:16.800
and employees are fulfilled in work that provides the meaning

924
00:50:16.840 --> 00:50:20.679
and purpose they crave. See you there, Let's work on Purpose.